Sure about what you want?
Earlier this week, we talked about overlooking a certain type in dating. I started to think that part of the reason we overlook people is that we aren’t truly clear on what we want. We get this image in our heads of who we think we want in theory, but when that person shows up, would we feel the same way?
Bloomburg Businessweek sent me an article about the science behind Match.com. Actually, it’s the math behind it, specifically, algorithims: “Match.com tweaks its algorithms based on whom a user e-mails or checks out” So, you can see where this is headed right?
My favorite part of the article? To wit: “When people first sign up on Match.com they fill out a questionnaire. That’s where Thombre’s biggest challenge arises: Bad data. Users exaggerate their IQs and lowball their waistlines. They frequently discard their stated preferences. Match.com has found that 49 percent of men who insist on a woman who wants children actually chase prospective mates who don’t particularly care. “They will say, ‘I’m only interested in guys between the ages of 18 and 30,’” Thombre sighs. “The next thing you know they are e-mailing a 38-year-old.”
Oh and the best line ever: Behavior often conflicts with stated desires.
What are your thoughts? Do you ever notice how behavior conflicts with stated desires when it comes to who we are drawn to vs. who we say we want?
How sure are you when it comes to who and what you really want in a mate? Does your behavior “match”?
Happy Friday!
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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191 comments Add your comment
kimmie
April 29th, 2011
11:19 am
Leggs – Have you seen any of the royal wedding pictures. I liked Kate’s dress – very elegant and reminds me of Grace Kelly’s. Some folks are complaining and wanted something more dramatic, but she had to go for understated elegance. Very regal!
Purple Rain
April 29th, 2011
11:21 am
Will be back after the Royal Wedding talk has subsided. LOL
For Real
April 29th, 2011
11:23 am
What up Blog Fam!
On topic: Saying you want one thing but constantly going after another. That’s a red flag to me and shows she may have a mental problem.
On Trump: He is not running for president. If he was why hasn’t NBC said his show will not be airing next year? Beside, Trump doesn’t want anyone snooping in his life. Talk about skeletons.
Raqi V
April 29th, 2011
11:28 am
kimmie, that dress was gorgeous.
Celisea
April 29th, 2011
11:30 am
Swiss – Trump is a clown & his whole circus act is purely for free publicity to up the ratings on his reality show
Told ya…he’s a clown
Leggs – Okay….just let me know if you need more info
kimmie
April 29th, 2011
11:42 am
Raqi – Yes it is! You know, I was reading this fashion blog the other day and the columnist was saying she hoped Kate would not try to wear a sexy dress. Now Kate is marrying into the royal family and has been coached on protocol! If she had that kind of cheap style and mindset she would not have been marrying William! That was so stupid!
MC Hammock
April 29th, 2011
11:49 am
Is out until talk of some wedding between two people that no one knows has ceased. Count me among the “I don’t give a rat’s a$$ about it.” grouping.
Raqi V
April 29th, 2011
11:52 am
kimmie, Exaclty. And you best believe the Queen had already approved that dress before any television cameraman had a chance to see. LOL Even my hub said when he saw her in that dress that she is a good looking girl.
I got kind of tickled when Harry turned to see her walking up the aisle he said something to William then once she finally stood beside William he made a comment to her with a huge smile on his face.
Back from Diva imposed Exile
April 29th, 2011
12:05 pm
Yeah, Kate looked more,class and regal than that other gone and departed biaatch of a princess! A commoner with no class!
Prince Charless is some player, with an ugly woman tho in Camilla!
I kinda chuckled tho at the animated/excited revelry/response of the commoners in Trafalgar square, the moment they saw the prince and the princess in that horse drawn caravan.
So free,yet so shakcled by royalty and tradition(in their disposition and psyche!)
Royal my azz!
MissBusiness
April 29th, 2011
12:06 pm
Wow, someone brings up the royal wedding and the guys just fall off the face of the blog. Oh well, I enjoyed it, at least.
kimmie
April 29th, 2011
12:10 pm
Gotta go finish moving! You chaps have a lovely weekend!
The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)
April 29th, 2011
12:31 pm
“So free,yet so shakcled by royalty and tradition(in their disposition and psyche!)
It’s the same here, Me.lo. We just don’t call them “royalty” — we call them “rich and famous.”
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
12:54 pm
@kimmie ~ yes I saw the dress. Wasn’t sure what to expect but very pleased that it wasn’t a frilly foo foo dress. Very elegant for her frame and respectful enough that it was still sexy. Got a little tickled when he had difficulty putting the ring on her finger. She’s very poised and very comfortable in her own skin. She was radiant. Not sure if you heard one of the news reporters last week say “let’s face it, Kate’s job is to breed!” The reporter didn’t mean to be tactless, but it came across like that. I had a good laugh then as well.
@Celisea ~ that’s all I need.
cba
April 29th, 2011
12:58 pm
All the people who were at piedmont park,in a tent to watch A wedding, you need to be finger printed. Especially the men folk.
Question
April 29th, 2011
1:10 pm
Who is more wrong – the person who is cheating and trading emails and text messages? Or…the person who snoops to read the email to expose the infidelity?
cba
April 29th, 2011
1:13 pm
If you are not cheating, snooping is a mute point.
Fion
April 29th, 2011
1:14 pm
Questoin?, question are said person’s married????
DreamsMaterialize
April 29th, 2011
1:20 pm
Hey
I could definitely relate to the article from the perspective of Thombre since professionally we do pretty much the same thing. They’re optimizing successful matches using mathematical modeling. Similar techniques are used to determine credit score, whether or not you get junk mail, whether milk should go next to cheese in the grocery store, what offers your cell phone company will give you (if any) when you threaten to leave. It’s pretty cool stuff actually.
To the point of the article, they model behavior instead of preferrences for the same reason that BestBuy doesn’t really use your application information to determine if you’re eligible for a BestBuy card…because they know everyone lies about their income on the application.
Back from Diva imposed Exile
April 29th, 2011
1:28 pm
True, Bioanic wang_man!
true dat
Question..they are both wrong..,,so u not safe nor innocent urself coz u obviously are the snooper! LOL…we give u no comfort nor succour here!
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
1:28 pm
Good point, cba!
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
1:33 pm
Thanks for the “word of the day” Me.Lo.
abc
April 29th, 2011
1:39 pm
Per the political comments today, I’m starting to think that there’s no way Obama will win re-election. I don’t even think it matters much who the Republicans trot out. In a poll of some 1.5 million people at veteranstoday.com, the very large majority would vote for Trump in primaries and also in the Presidential election in 2012; I don’t think Obama can get the youth vote out again.
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
1:39 pm
Interesting….my last post was here, now it’s gone!
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
1:40 pm
“Per the political comments today, I’m starting to think that there’s no way Obama will win re-election.” You’re just now starting to think this?
abc
April 29th, 2011
1:45 pm
Yeah, as time goes on, it becomes more and more clear that I couldn’t vote for Obama again. I couldn’t vote for Palin or Trump either. I’ll just stay home that day, maybe.
Back from Diva imposed Exile
April 29th, 2011
1:47 pm
Leggs..if ur post made reference,in some form or fashion to a joint,created by two people of the opposite sex,using the limbs or parts thereof,attached to the lower abdomen areas of their respective bodies, or the made reference to the frisky and sometimes amorous act preclding to the creation of that joint mentioned above, or the amorous locking of eyes by the two parties, suggesting they want to make that human joint,while nekked or semi nakked,whether in pvt or in semi public locale..then no wonder your post dissappeared.
The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)
April 29th, 2011
1:53 pm
“I’ll just stay home that day, maybe.”
abc — Don’t do it! Better to vote for the lesser of two evils. That ↑ is how we ended up with W in the first place…
DreamsMaterialize
April 29th, 2011
1:57 pm
I’d vote for Obama. It’s easy for everyone to start stepping up now, claiming they’re what’s best for this country. Where were they in 2008 when things were at their worst? No one wanted to step up then because they knew it was almost certain political suicide. Now that unemployment is dropping faster than forecasted, GDP is growing faster than anticipated, the stock market has rallied, and things are starting to look a little brighter everyone wants the job again.
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
2:00 pm
@abc ~ :lo:
Don’t stay home, the right to vote was a hard fight. We have to always appreciate the fact that we can vote. Palin and Trumps’ name better not be on the ticket. It behooves me that so many actually believe this woman can be the next President of the United States. Scary times!!
Purple Rain
April 29th, 2011
2:01 pm
I’d Vote for Obama this time.
TenderRoni
April 29th, 2011
2:01 pm
IMO…for the simple fact that as long as there is AA president they will want him out. Let’s not skate around the real issue.
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
2:02 pm
Dayum Exile, that must have been hard for you to creatively write that. No, had nothing to do with all of that.
DreamsMaterialize
April 29th, 2011
2:03 pm
It behooves me that so many actually believe this woman can be the next President of the United States. Scary times!!
Leggs Funny that there’s a portion of the population who thinks this exact same thing about our current president.
The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)
April 29th, 2011
2:04 pm
Maybe I’m just overly optimistic, but I think his chances of re-election are pretty darn good, precisely because the GOP has nothing but ultra right-wing nut jobs in the hunt at this point. I don’t think any of the potential GOPers could win a national election — against anyone.
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
2:06 pm
Exactly, DreamsM!
Exactly TenderRoni! He has been held in high disgust since winning the election. I remember comin to work and not one caucasian would look at me nor mention that he just won the election. I laughed out loud and said “listen folk, we can talk all day every day about ANTM, DWTS, AI, but we can’t about this historic time in history. All I got was crickets…..
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
2:08 pm
@DreamsM ~ although I know there are that think that, Palin isn’t in the same intelligence bracket as President Obama. And, those that do need to be “put down” with one of her rifles!!
abc
April 29th, 2011
2:09 pm
I don’t think times have improved over the Bush Administration. I don’t see much difference, really.
We have yet another war theater, up to 3 and counting. Foreign Policy is a big joke. Secrecy reigns at the White House. Everyone plays a political game, including the President. This is not change I can believe in.
I might just vote for Trump before I’d vote for Obama again. It would at least provide some entertainment for a short while. I think Trump’s is a valid observation: after 2 years, why did it finally take someone like Donald Trump, of all people, to force the President to produce a birth certificate? If someone asked you to show yours, would it take you more than 1-3 days to produce it? Guess what, it will remain a mystery. Hm.
TenderRoni
April 29th, 2011
2:11 pm
Have you in the history of the presidency of this country seen the disrespect the media perpetuates. We hardly ever hear the positive he is trying to do. the media perpetuates a lot racial issues in this country…ok off my soapbox and back to my corner!
DreamsMaterialize
April 29th, 2011
2:11 pm
I don’t think any of the potential GOPers could win a national election — against anyone.
Swiss I agree. Mitt Romney probably has the best chance, but he isn’t embraced as “conservative enough.” Also, I don’t think there’s any way he can defend his healthcare legislation in Massachusetts as a great work, while opposing the national healthcare legislation.
Purple Rain
April 29th, 2011
2:13 pm
The madness of the press and public stays the same no matter who the president is. I think Obama will be in office again.
abc
April 29th, 2011
2:14 pm
Mitt Romney, no way, this country isn’t ready for a Mormon President.
DreamsMaterialize
April 29th, 2011
2:21 pm
We have yet another war theater, up to 3 and counting.
abc This will continue to be the case, independent of the president. The American economic hegemony is nearing it’s end, so it will attempt to maintain and assert it’s dominance militaristically. This won’t work in the long run, never has.
Leggs
April 29th, 2011
2:40 pm
I don’t mean to type jibberish, it’s just working out that way!!!
DreamsMaterialize
April 29th, 2011
2:42 pm
wow it’s super slow in here today. let’s change the topic and see what happens. so what’s everyone got planned this weekend?
cba
April 29th, 2011
2:45 pm
Everything this man has tried to implement, the GOP said NO!! On top of that, they offer no alternative. Just NO!! How can you be an effective leader working within thoses parameters?
Has the man made mistakes, of course, but look at the cards he was dealt.
I wish he would do a Lyndon Johnson and not accept the nomination.
What I really want him to do is, drop his pants and turn his back to the cameras and say, yall can kiss my mixed black azz, see ya!!
The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)
April 29th, 2011
2:49 pm
“I think Trump’s is a valid observation: after 2 years, why did it finally take someone like Donald Trump, of all people, to force the President to produce a birth certificate?”
Come on, abc, I know you’re smarter than that. It didn’t take him 2 years to release his birth certificate. He released it — the legally valid short form, the one that is released as a matter of procedure by the state of Hawai’i for everyone requesting a birth certificate — back in 2008 during the campaign. It’s only a bunch of racist f__ks for whom that wasn’t good enough. John McCain was born on a military installation in the Panama Canal Zone — not on US soil — so where were the “birthers” on that one?
abc
April 29th, 2011
2:52 pm
Gitmo is open, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is still in place, we’re still in Afghanistan, on and on — these were Obama campaign planks, and Republican opposition isn’t the reason why they’re not accomplished. The Health Bill is the major opposition Obama has faced, and it’s a bloated, misunderstood, not well thought-out piece of legislation that will be, and should be, repealed. Requiring people to purchase insurance is equivalent to a health tax, and if you’ve read any of Cynthia Tucker’s columns lately, the death panel stuff is turning into mainstream liberal thought.
The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)
April 29th, 2011
2:54 pm
I love their battle cry: “It’s not a birth certificate. It’s a certificate of live birth.”
Okay, fine. And “birthers” are not azzh0les. They are the hole portion of an azz.
Purple Rain
April 29th, 2011
2:55 pm
Well I am going to Atlanta this weekend for one night.
abc
April 29th, 2011
2:56 pm
If Obama had cared to quell the birther controversy, all he had to do was produce an appropriate birth certificate as conclusive proof. How can that really be that hard to do? Citizens were asking for it, and he refused (or was unable to do so? really?) for 2 years, until a reality show star and real estate mogul with very odd hair made a big stink in the press about it. In a circus atmosphere like that, the clowns obscure the elephants.