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Sure about what you want?

Earlier this week, we talked about overlooking a certain type in dating. I started to think that part of the reason we overlook people is that we aren’t truly clear on what we want. We get this image in our heads of who we think we want in theory, but when that person shows up, would we feel the same way?

Bloomburg Businessweek sent me an article about the science behind Match.com. Actually, it’s the math behind it, specifically, algorithims: “Match.com tweaks its algorithms based on whom a user e-mails or checks out” So, you can see where this is headed right?

My favorite part of the article? To wit: “When people first sign up on Match.com they fill out a questionnaire. That’s where Thombre’s biggest challenge arises: Bad data. Users exaggerate their IQs and lowball their waistlines. They frequently discard their stated preferences. Match.com has found that 49 percent of men who insist on a woman who wants children actually chase prospective mates who don’t particularly care. “They will say, ‘I’m only interested in guys between the ages of 18 and 30,’” Thombre sighs. “The next thing you know they are e-mailing a 38-year-old.”

Oh and the best line ever: Behavior often conflicts with stated desires.

What are your thoughts? Do you ever notice how behavior conflicts with stated desires when it comes to who we are drawn to vs. who we say we want?

How sure are you when it comes to who and what you really want in a mate? Does your behavior “match”?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

191 comments Add your comment

DW

April 29th, 2011
8:50 am

Black and White Smiley Faces ☺☻

April 29th, 2011
8:51 am

How about this for a matching criteria?

“Do you actually intend to reply to emails and not play games?”

I bet the answer to that for most women (if it were answered honestly) would be “No.”

JASon

April 29th, 2011
9:01 am

I think you need to check your third paragraph there. You’re talking about 49 percent of men, and then all of a sudden you’re talking about “interested in guys”

MC Hammock

April 29th, 2011
9:14 am

Most people are only interested in what they want instead of knowing anything about what they need.

Lana

April 29th, 2011
9:17 am

@MCH, I know what I want and I need it as well. I’m gonna get it tonight and it better be more than just once.

Reggie

April 29th, 2011
9:19 am

Hey Lana, tell me where you are going tonight and we can meet each other halfway….lol. I love a woman with some spit to match her fire.

Lana

April 29th, 2011
9:24 am

@Reggie, you need to fill the preliminary cutoff before that, dearie. If not, you can go back to the boring, stiff women on this blog, diiscussing theor “respect” issues, checking whether or not you want to get married and their psycho-babble about deeper relationships and analytical diatribes. As for me, I’ll be dancing my a$$ off and checking out the fine, fine man at the bar before taking him home with me and making him forget about every single woman he’s ever been with or will get with afterwards. I’m in it to win it!

MC Hammock

April 29th, 2011
9:29 am

Dayum, Lana. Have any “lack of libido” issues lately? Didn’t think so…

Wifey

April 29th, 2011
9:30 am

Oh, I’m sure about what I want. I’m very, very sure.

Leggs

April 29th, 2011
9:30 am

Good morning.

@Lana ~ I see you’re popping if off first thing this morning. But, I’m curious. If you feel the stiff women here only have psycho-babble references to deeper relationships and crazy analytical diatribes, why do you keep reading, let alone commenting? You do know crazy recognizes crazy (no malice in my statement). :wink:

David

April 29th, 2011
9:31 am

Most people have a good idea as to what they want. The trouble is when they get what they want and then what they want turns into Something they would Avoid.

czBrat

April 29th, 2011
9:32 am

haven’t even read the topic yet, but i’m reading the title just as s/o and i ask this very question on the phone. :sad:

Lana

April 29th, 2011
9:41 am

@Leggs, Because it’s actually quite humorous reading all of the “other worldly” comments and how emotional and mentally traumatic situations are winding through the minds of some of the posters. Some keep it real, simplistic and the way it really is. The others lament those that do amd try to turn 1 +1 = 2 into some law of physics and relativity. No, I don’t stay on here for long. It just gives me a chuckle and starts my day off into thinking I’ve actually got a grip on things pretty well when I see what depths some of you will hash, rehash, misdirect and just creat things that really aren’t there. If they ARE there, then that’s a whole different personality problem all together. Have a great weekend, anyway, and make life a GREAT one because it can be if you let it.

Chink

April 29th, 2011
9:42 am

What a introspective blog for a Friday..Shoot I ain’t even sure about what I want to eat tonight let alone who to spend the rest of my life with!

Hopefully my desires will catch up with my reality if not oh well I am still good..

Chink

April 29th, 2011
9:45 am

Lana

To Each Their Own while you seem content doing what you do obviously some do not envy your lifestyle.

abc

April 29th, 2011
9:47 am

I don’t think a person can precisely qualify what they want in prospective mate. They know it when they see it. It’s easier to predict in advance what you won’t like than what you will like.

Wifey

April 29th, 2011
9:53 am

Hmmm….I’m actually leaning in Lana’s direction. In fact, she’s just given me a shot of adrenalin for the weekend. *Raining her cup ‘o Java…Here’s to the first kiss of the upcoming weekend!

Leggs

April 29th, 2011
9:53 am

@Lana ~ “Some keep it real, simplistic and the way it really is. The others lament those that do amd try to turn 1 +1 = 2 into some law of physics and relativity.”

I agree!

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
10:00 am

Who is Thombre? I read the article over and over.

This Just In!
Breaking News! Donald Trump is requesting that Latifah prove what she is actually the Queen of!

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
10:01 am

On topic, it’s an immature who doesn’t know what they want.

kimmie

April 29th, 2011
10:02 am

Good day mates! Happy Friday, especially to the “stiff” women of the blog!!LOL!!

On topic – I think we all probably know the basics of what we want. The other stuff, we may not recognize until we see it. And sometimes, time and maturity cause us to seek things different from when we were younger. I think one has to be flexible though. Don’t be so rigid in what you say you want, leave it open for pleasant surprises. In fact, people are always criticizing those who have not narrowed down exactly what they want. They are just haters, they’ve put themselves in a box they are too scared to get out of!

Leggs

April 29th, 2011
10:05 am

Good morning to you too, kimmie!

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
10:15 am

kimmie, I think once a person is over age 35 they should pretty much know what they want in a match.

kimmie

April 29th, 2011
10:19 am

Purple – Yeah, whatever. Like I said, most folks know the basics. Even so, plenty folks end up with people they never would have considered before and they are happy. I’m saying be open to unexpected, but wonderful, possibilities!

MC Hammock

April 29th, 2011
10:22 am

@Purplr, but what about those people that get what they want, but as they age, it turns out that their needs have changed or what they thought they wanted wasn’t REALLY what they needed. People change as they age and mature and the only thing that IS constant about people is that they keep changing. Some people diecide that they want and need something different well into the “Silverback” years.

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
10:27 am

Damn kimmie, I get a “whatever” this early?

MCH, so what is to be said about those who knew what they wanted and was happy they got it and stayed with it and had an enjoyable life?

kimmie

April 29th, 2011
10:28 am

Purple – Just messing with ya! Trying to lighten things up. It’s Friday!

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
10:32 am

I am happy for Cam Newton, he weathered the storm and look at him now. They can’t take that away from him or challenge that. He kept his head up kept smiling and did not succumb to those around him.

Mark Ingram to the Saints. Wowzers and Reggie Bush is staying.
Farley going to Detroit and playing with ‘Suh. A change is coming over there

I hope Donald Trump Taxes and etc are in shape because I think he has now pissde off the wrong people in D.C. after his speech in Vegas.

kimmie

April 29th, 2011
10:33 am

Purple – Trumps on some of that Charlie Sheen!

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
10:34 am

kimmie, LOL. I actually have to fly down there tomorrow to check on the house and fly right back Sunday. I really do not feel comfortable leaving my wife right now.

MC Hammock

April 29th, 2011
10:35 am

Nothing wrong with those at all. In fact, it’s a great thing. But many people just evolve and go through changes well into their years. I don’t think it makes them immature or less of anything. It’s just that they do.

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
10:35 am

I think Charlie Sheen is smarted than Trump on some matters, besides Trump looks and acts like he sniffs the nose candy

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
10:37 am

MCH, we are talking about in relation to relationships right?

Leggs

April 29th, 2011
10:40 am

@kimmie ~ the saddest part of everything Trump is he absolutely believes he’s done something “significant” by forcing President Obama to show his birth certificate. That red-headed baron actually believes his clout and persistence backed the President into a corner. Anyone who calls us “The Blacks” is so far removed it’s scary!

kimmie

April 29th, 2011
10:40 am

Purple – Do you have a family member nearby that could come stay with her until you get back?

Celisea

April 29th, 2011
10:42 am

Morning,

I think this crowd pretty much knows what they want and most appear to be quite settled.

MC Hammock – but what about those people that get what they want, but as they age, it turns out that their needs have changed or what they thought they wanted wasn’t REALLY what they needed.

It’s called not having your cake and eating it too Life is about choices. In many ways we’ve all made decisions that we have lived with.

Celisea

April 29th, 2011
10:43 am

I actually prefer being called “black” over AA

kimmie

April 29th, 2011
10:43 am

Leggs – Someone said on a few other blogs that he’s becoming the male Sarah Palin! And he’s picking fights and going off on anyone that says anything against him. Every picture you see of him now he looks uglier than ever. Everything is about HIM. The media needs to stop giving him all this free publicity, like they do Palin.

Celisea

April 29th, 2011
10:43 am

black and proud :)

Celisea

April 29th, 2011
10:46 am

Why why why must it be so cold in here….

Leggs

April 29th, 2011
10:46 am

I do too Celisea. I am black, proud, confident, strong and beautiful. I am a black woman!

Leggs

April 29th, 2011
10:53 am

@Celisea ~ I got the information. Thank you.

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
11:00 am

kimmie, tons of family around we are all on the same farm as my family. I just don’t want to go.

You want to know what is funny, when I lived in Dawsonville most blacks and whites thought I was Hispanic?????? I was even told I was the tallest Hispanic that they had seen.

kimmie

April 29th, 2011
11:01 am

I just don’t want to go.

Purple Hispanic – That’s sweet! :lol:

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

April 29th, 2011
11:01 am

Trump is a clown & his whole circus act is purely for free publicity to up the ratings on his reality show.

I don’t think he really gives one rat’s azz about being president. Matter of fact, whether intentional or not, his stirring up the racist wack-jobs in the GOP base does nothing but help Obama in the general election. A nut case like Trump or Bachmann or Palin could very well win in the GOP primary if enough tea-baggers turn out to the polls, but would have no chance at all in the general election.

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
11:04 am

kimime, I’m whipped, I love my wife and hate being away from her. :)

Swiss, I agree but yesterday he even started in on the GOP in a fashion. He is alienated himself, that guy does not care about being President. Did you see where he said he would not protect any foreign country unless they paid? That was so dumb.

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

April 29th, 2011
11:05 am

And the more he coaxes the GOPers to talk about birth certificates, college transcripts (for f__k sake, the man graduated *magna cum laude* from Harvard Law!), the more sane voters will realize that the whole GOP platform is, essentially, “We’ll do anything to get this n____ out of office.”

Not a winning formula for them at all, IMO…

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
11:09 am

I would like to see Bush and Palin’s Transcipt

The Reanimated Corpse of Swiss (now with titanium-infused bionic w@ng)

April 29th, 2011
11:13 am

I’d like to see Palin’s GED.

Purple Rain

April 29th, 2011
11:14 am

Swiss you can’t fake a GED but you can fake a transcript. LOL