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Dating: How much information are you entitled to?

I was talking to my friend about his new relationship when he asked me how he could find out if she had a friends with benefits situation with someone.  We actually had a full on discussion about whether he should ask her outright (absolutely not) or how he could read the “signs” and tell. (For the record, all of his supposed signs were dumb)

I thought it was incredibly sweet (although slightly insane) that he was acting so irrationally about this young lady.   I have never seen him this “concerned” about a woman’s single status.  At the same time, I had to give him a reality check.  Keep this up and you will surely blow it, dude. Relax and let things continue to progress naturally. My guess is, the more he spends time with her, the less he will worry about “other dudes” or competition.

To be honest, I never think you should ask for information that you really don’t want the answer to. What would he do if she said, “Yes, I’m getting served up on a weekly basis when I’m not with you!”  When you are just in the getting to know you stage of dating, you aren’t entitled to every single detail of that person’s life.

Do you ever wonder if the person you are dating is seeing multiple people? Would it bother you if they were?

How much information do you think you are entitled to? What would you do if someone you were seeing asked you if you were pursuing/seeing/sleeping with other people? Would you be offended? Have you ever asked that question on a date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

428 comments Add your comment

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
1:57 pm

WOW, men acting like this action from a girl/woman is truly unacceptable, but they do it all the times. Up until they too decide she’s the one he wants to concentrate on spending true quality time with. Bet no in all cases the dude put that S on his chest and had that heart to heart right off the bat like so many are saying the woman should do.

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
1:59 pm

Leggs – it’s the same reasoning that calls for an unfaithful man to be forgiven and an unfaithful woman to be dumped.

kimmie

April 27th, 2011
2:01 pm

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
2:04 pm

DreamsMat, does your bar serve non-alcoholic vodka or scotch? My friend is having a small dilemma and I want to buy her a drink. However I will not support her habit therefore it not is going be a virtual drink but alcohol free also. LOL

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
2:04 pm

LOL@ Dreams!!!!! Now I gotta go and download some old videos of those two when I get home.
DJ Me too! lol

Dreams, would I have to ask you, a grown man, whether or not you had kids? Wouldn’t you volunteer the information?
kimmie You already know how I feel about mine. I hold mine up and proclaim her to the world, proudly. The dude you’re talking about probably is the loser he seemed to be, but I have known dudes who have been through the ringer trying to be involved in their kids’ lives and had pretty much given up the fight. It’s a real sad sight actually. You can see the misery and sadness on his face everyday.

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
2:04 pm

They can dish it but they can’t take it.

Back from Diva imposed Exile

April 27th, 2011
2:06 pm

Leggs..u know we cant change anything now…that double standard is now an accepted standard since the dawn of time…from the time of Abraham….

a woman that shanks more than one man at a time is a w***re….a man is a player..u chics even gave guys a hipper(wrd) adjective! lol

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
2:07 pm

Exactly, SexyC/Raqi V. And for the record, this is not me dumping on men. The dbl standard is rampant in these har parts!

(Everyone excuse my typing on my previous post)!

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 27th, 2011
2:08 pm

It’s the same reasoning that says I can sleep with 700 women and be a “stud”, she sleeps with 5 and is a wh0re (by society’s standards).

I live in this world, I didn’t make it.

And, the D don’t hold to that “reasoning” neither.

If you dealing with a dude, just let me know; it doesn’t stand to follow that I’m going to bounce. But the fact that you have the confidence and character to give that info will likely make me want to stay and get to know you better.

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
2:08 pm

kimmie

April 27th, 2011
2:09 pm

Leggs/SCool – Too many times in discussions on here women are accused of getting too serious too quick. Assuming that just because she & a dude have gone out a few times and maybe had sex, they are now an item. That we want to get exclusive too quick.

All I think we are really saying is, a date or 2 is too soon to be getting very personal and expecting exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend rights. Most of the time, if a person is on the up and up, and really feeling you, the others get kicked to the curb naturally. You are too occupied with getting to know this person you like to make time for all the other hangers-on. There may be a few stranglers still texting and calling, but you shouldn’t even have time for others if you have a full life already. Plus I thought a FWB situation was someone you called every now and then when you’re in a drought or between relationships. Not much closure needed there, unless one of you were hoping that FWB was gonna turn into something serious.

This just isn’t that hard, people.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
2:10 pm

DreamsMat, does your bar serve non-alcoholic vodka or scotch?
Raqi That’s the beauty of the blog bar…you can have any drink you like…without the effects. lol Non-alcoholic scotch coming up. I can guarantee that she won’t experience any chemically induced drunkeness, but I make no promises on placebo effect. ;-)

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
2:10 pm

Spiritual folk got freak in ‘em too.

Yep, shole do :)

Geechee – Your right…that was harsh..not Fion harsh though. He started spazzing out all because no one would agree with his opinion. Until then I thought he was pretty cool.

Hey MMEELLOO – What happened to my CDs you burned for me?

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
2:10 pm

@Back ~ and because the dbl standard has been around since the dawn of time, it’s not fair for the men to come on here badmouthing woman and her scandalous, ho acting ways, when they do it. Acknowledge the dbl standard and STFU. That’s all, Mister Magoo!

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
2:11 pm

Here, here – kimmie.

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
2:12 pm

Not calling you Mister Magoo, Back. Just a cartoon reference!

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
2:12 pm

“I can sleep with 700 women”……um, yeah….hope your Dick.Johnson doesn’t fall off. (loL)

kimmie

April 27th, 2011
2:12 pm

Dreams – I hear you. Except I assure you this was not a case of a dude who really wanted to see his child and couldn’t. That’s what got to me. Even though the child obviously was not planned, there seemed to not be even a small part of him that wanted anything to do with her. He said he didn’t have any feeling toward her.

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
2:13 pm

Assuming that just because she & a dude…

kimmie, exactly. But you know I accepted long time ago that some things will just be. And too certain double standards I have no desire to want to match a man on.

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
2:14 pm

@Back, for the record, Diva said she never banned you.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
2:14 pm

Hey Mel to the lo. Glad to have you back. You can see I been campaigning for your release the whole time.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 27th, 2011
2:14 pm

@Kimmie – agreed

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
2:15 pm

My new coworker is 31. He walked up on me taking a pad out of my drawer and couldn’t speak after that. Then when I came out of the rest room he was waiting for me…huh? He said why did it take you so long…and finished with oh, never mind. Ummm, dude you’re a man you have a mama and a sister and HOPEFULLY a woman. By 31 you should be aware of the trappings of womanhood.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
2:17 pm

He said he didn’t have any feeling toward her.
kimmie then she’s better off without him. his treatment of her would reflect his resentment.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
2:18 pm

And too certain double standards I have no desire to want to match a man on.

Meeeee either.

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
2:18 pm

If a man has sleep with 700 women he needs to better his loving skills to match his talk. Obviously those that he has slept with is not going back for more leaving time for him to go disappoint another.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 27th, 2011
2:19 pm

Guess not, welcome back Me.lo

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
2:19 pm

Kimmie well said, some things are not anybodys business after a couple dates it has to have time to ferment. Overtime the rest of the crowd will become extinct.

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
2:21 pm

@Celisea ~ really, is he gay? Just heard gayness reading your post. What man waits for a woman outside a rest room, asks what took so long, then say’s nevamind?

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 27th, 2011
2:22 pm

@Raqi

Not true (see also, facts not in evidence), 700 women (an exageration obviously) is not that difficult:

365 days in a year x 15 years = a possible 5475 “encounters”

making 700 a small percentage of what he could’ve done.

kimmie

April 27th, 2011
2:23 pm

Raqi – Me don’t want to match those either!

Dreams – You are right, she’s better off. It would be a tough thing to have to explain to a child, or adult later, though.

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
2:23 pm

hope your Dick.Johnson doesn’t fall off. (loL)

Yeah and you know that’s about the time when they want to go get boo’d up wanting some nurturing woman to love and respect their tired worn out behinds.

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
2:23 pm

Zulu that you what up bring that fire back.

kimmie

April 27th, 2011
2:24 pm

Celisea – That’s weird! :shock:

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
2:24 pm

Leggs – My gaydar kicked in long ago but last week he was trying to convince me otherwise saying when he gets married he wants to wake up to a made up face…that in and of itself confirmed for me. That also spoke to me revealing he ain’t NEVER went at it….with a woman.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 27th, 2011
2:24 pm

*even with repeat business

@Cel – if he walked past and let one rip (pooooot) and told you “You’re over 30, you should be aware of male issues” would that be okay?

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
2:26 pm

Kimmie – Not often at I at a loss for words but I almost didn’t know what to say when I saw him lurking outside the bathroom. Then he seemed surprised. LOLOL…AAAAND he said, I came around here (the hallway where the bathroom located) twice…then the “what took you so long” jumped out. I said it too…

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
2:26 pm

… a possible 5475 “encounters

Exactly proving my point that obvious the first 75 did not feel compelled to go there again leaving another day him to get with number 76, 77, 78…5475.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
2:27 pm

Ok Ladies I must be reading comments in a blog bizzaro world because I’m not getting from the guys what you all are getting. All of the guys who have said that they would ask the question have also said that they 1) do not keep a rotation, 2) date one woman at a time, 3) would not have a FWB while pursuing someone else. So, they expect the same from the women they are pursuing. So, what’s all this “men acting like this action from a girl/woman is truly unacceptable, but they do it all the times”, “it’s the same reasoning that calls for an unfaithful man to be forgiven and an unfaithful woman to be dumped.”, “They can dish it but they can’t take it.”? If you’re generalizing, then maybe these things are true, but speaking specifically to the men who have posted here, there is no double standard being presented. Now, if you’re saying you don’t believe them, then that’s something different entirely.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
2:27 pm

Dan – @Cel – if he walked past and let one rip (pooooot) and told you “You’re over 30, you should be aware of male issues” would that be okay?

I don’t know why but I’m rolling at this statement….can barely type…from laughing so hard. You sound offended

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
2:28 pm

Well he may want to marry a woman that thinks along the lines of Whitley. Remember when she would wake up a good 2 hrs before Dwayne Wayne and put her makeup on and jump back in bed. BAM, he wakes up to the beautiful, already madeup woman. Not real at all. Yeah, dude doesn’t know women.

Purple Rain

April 27th, 2011
2:28 pm

MeeeLoooo! “Wonder Twins Activate” I Micheal you Tito!!!!

Welcome Back!

There are times on here when the men have double standards but not as often as the times when the women on here do. So get used to it, it’s not an even playing field.

Becky= white girl? I guess that’s cool but I wonder…………..

Back from Diva imposed Exile

April 27th, 2011
2:29 pm

Hey Sexxy..i got them Celisea/Leggs

Purple Rain

April 27th, 2011
2:30 pm

Dreams, they are using transitive relation without the application of logic. LOL

DreamsMaterialize

April 27th, 2011
2:30 pm

Back, for the record, Diva said she never banned you.
Leggs So, why can’t we type his name? What’s that all about?

Purple Rain

April 27th, 2011
2:31 pm

Celisea, sorry for hanging out outside your bathroom…sniffing the air as you opened the door.

kimmie

April 27th, 2011
2:32 pm

Dreams – I’m generalizing, I admit it. And pulling from memories of past blog discussions over the years.

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
2:33 pm

Purp – this is another one of those phrases that you apparently just aren’t familiar with. It’s really no different than knowing that when you type “Shaniqua” or “She-NayNay” they are most likely NOT referring to a blue eyed blond….

but then again, with some folks, you could be. (lol)

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
2:33 pm

LOL……@Purple

Lord Velonese

April 27th, 2011
2:33 pm

Withholding any information that is need to know, is sure fire way of knowing the person in question is no good, and should be let go of Immediately. I am glad I’ll never meet some of you sheesh.