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Dating: How much information are you entitled to?

I was talking to my friend about his new relationship when he asked me how he could find out if she had a friends with benefits situation with someone.  We actually had a full on discussion about whether he should ask her outright (absolutely not) or how he could read the “signs” and tell. (For the record, all of his supposed signs were dumb)

I thought it was incredibly sweet (although slightly insane) that he was acting so irrationally about this young lady.   I have never seen him this “concerned” about a woman’s single status.  At the same time, I had to give him a reality check.  Keep this up and you will surely blow it, dude. Relax and let things continue to progress naturally. My guess is, the more he spends time with her, the less he will worry about “other dudes” or competition.

To be honest, I never think you should ask for information that you really don’t want the answer to. What would he do if she said, “Yes, I’m getting served up on a weekly basis when I’m not with you!”  When you are just in the getting to know you stage of dating, you aren’t entitled to every single detail of that person’s life.

Do you ever wonder if the person you are dating is seeing multiple people? Would it bother you if they were?

How much information do you think you are entitled to? What would you do if someone you were seeing asked you if you were pursuing/seeing/sleeping with other people? Would you be offended? Have you ever asked that question on a date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

428 comments Add your comment

DJ Sniper

April 27th, 2011
1:05 pm

Chink, Big Booty Judy was a character played by Buffy the Body in the movie “ATL”. You can guess why she got the part. Thankfully, it wasn’t a speaking role. lol

Abc, please tell me you don’t actually ask a woman how many men she’s been with.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
1:07 pm

Ya’ll remember “Best Man?” Yeah, like that. She was all virtuous but had gotten her own revenge and he was none the wiser until somebody told. Otherwise he would have thought he married ms pure as the driven snow. I know it was a movie but it was a depiction of how things sometimes truly are.

Sassy Me :-)

April 27th, 2011
1:07 pm

Oh man…did y’all see the video of that cop punching that chick in IHOP over the weekend? He cold-cocked that ass.

I saw that video this morning and was like :shock: I had to look at it twice to notice that before he punched her, he slapped her….that’s when she started swinging but that cop punched her right square in the face. They might try to get her on obstruction of justice or some other charge but APD is about to get sued outta the wazzooo.

He must’ve thought afterwards that I done fked up

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
1:07 pm

My niece has big booty judy on her fb page…ummm, can you say ghetto

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
1:10 pm

Annnnnnd this is one of the reasons I don’t even bother to ask the question. Who has the time to be playing detective, trying to figure out if someone is lying? But if there was something I did want to know, and I felt that it was important for me to know, then I’d just ask. At the end of the day I’m the only one responsible for my choices. So, f%$& you if you get offended by my asking. Likewise, you have can ask me anything you want. Not saying I’ll never be offended, but I’m a big boy and I’ll get over it. I respect your need to look out for self as much as my own.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
1:11 pm

So, f%$& you if you get offended by my asking.

Wow Dreams…for real?

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
1:12 pm

Dreams – You’re turning into a meanie :(

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
1:12 pm

And as long as a potential partner is disease free, focused on you and the budding relationship and behaving accordingly, why does the past have to be the dealbreaker?

For some reason, this reminds me of that joke that says, “I may not be a virgin, but I still got the box it came in.” (lol)

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
1:13 pm

You’re right, Sass…that roundhouse hook was preceded by a pimp.slap.

DJ Sniper

April 27th, 2011
1:14 pm

LMAO@ SexyCool’s joke!!!!!!

I’m with you on that. As long as she didn’t have the clap and her exploits weren’t on video for the free world to see, I wasn’t all that uptight about her past. As I said earlier, play your cards right, and you could end up with your own personal porn star:)

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
1:16 pm

Celisea:

Dreams – You’re turning into a meanie :(

but that was real talk :)

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
1:19 pm

hey why are my posts are not being updated…
I am not saying anything offensive here… :(

Chink

April 27th, 2011
1:19 pm

But we are not talking about the past we are talking about the present!

If you are presently dating anyone else.. presently sleeping with someone…etc

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
1:19 pm

Shuddup Mike P…lol

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
1:20 pm

And to again bring it back around to speak to the specific topic, I would expect that a single and dating person is actively dating. Does that mean I think they have a rotation? No. It just means that I would not have an issue with them doing so.

But dating other people doesn’t automatically translate to sleeping with other people.

Does that mean that I want to knowingly be involved with someone who is currently sexually active with another individual? Heckie naw. Because that means that you are not fully available to explore a relationship with me. So, keep doing what you’re doing over there. And…if/when/if all that is over, holla back. I may or may not still be available and/or interested.

Geechee

April 27th, 2011
1:21 pm

Hey, does having an affair count as dating more than one person at a time?

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
1:21 pm

DJ Sniper: some of us are spiritual people, which will not be discounted.
it takes a certain spirit for a person to be a porn star… i will have none of that, no thank you.

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
1:23 pm

LOL at still having the box.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
1:23 pm

Celisea: lol :D

Sassy Me :-)

April 27th, 2011
1:23 pm

Roundhouse hook is right SC and the pimp slap started it all…I’m sure he’s been placed on
admimistrative leave WITH pay” while it’s beng investigated. Lil Becky n her lawyer are gonna rack up on this one…

As long as she didn’t have the clap and her exploits weren’t on video for the free world to see, I wasn’t all that uptight about her past.

more real talk…

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
1:24 pm

Wow Dreams…for real?

Dreams – You’re turning into a meanie

Awwww Celisea I don’t think that’s mean. I’m just saying that there are situations where what you don’t know CAN hurt you. You are well within your rights to ask whatever questions you “feel” you need to ask if you think you can get the answers. Sure people can always lie, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t ask. You KNOW men are the masters at the “you didn’t ask me that” tactic. I’m not saying that you should be disregarding another person’s feelings, but the truth is that (no matter how diplomatic you think you are), you can’t control whether someone will get offended. Would “offending” someone keep you from asking if they had a STD? I bet not.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
1:24 pm

Geechee – We usually allow the trolls to roam the top of the morning. You default to troll status when you

1. Ask an asinine questions

2. Already know the answer

3. Trying too hard to be funny

4. Trying too hard…period

5. Disrupting the flow

Oh, maybe I shouldn’t say that. I have been told this is not my blog.. :(

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
1:25 pm

How come what we expected to be a grey gloomy day looks to have turned out to be rather pleasant? :sad:

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
1:25 pm

question…singular

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
1:25 pm

And even if you are currently sexually active with another individual, it’s not going to be my business or my concern until I decide whether or not I have more than a passing interest in you or if I am going to be sleeping with you myself.

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
1:26 pm

All in all everyone has the right to ask whatever they want to know.

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
1:26 pm

Spiritual folk got freak in ‘em too.

Purple Rain

April 27th, 2011
1:27 pm

As long as you value and respect yourself, one will be fine. As soon as you start to compromise your standards is the exact moment you lose self respect.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
1:28 pm

raqi: r u unhappy about the pleasant-ness?

Chink

April 27th, 2011
1:28 pm

Spiritual folk got freak in ‘em too.

Yeah like some pastors…

DJ Sniper

April 27th, 2011
1:28 pm

Mike, I wasn’t talking about an actual porn star, as in one who actually does movies. I said “your own personal porn star”, meaning a woman who is exclusive to you and will serve you up like the chicks do in the movies.

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
1:28 pm

Sassy – Becky – exactly – white chick/white cop – it is the outrage heard around the world. I’m sure she will be making the morning news show/talk show circuit appearances in the next few days.

Willie Dynamite

April 27th, 2011
1:29 pm

Spiritual folk got freak in ‘em too

Its that holier than thou pent up energy waiting to explode. I must admit its quite pleasurable being on the receiving end. hahaha

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
1:31 pm

I agree wit ya 100% purple rain

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
1:31 pm

MikeP, I am unhappy that we postponed our day at the lake because it looked like the weather was going to be rather gloomy.

Back from Diva imposed Exile

April 27th, 2011
1:31 pm

Dan,PR,ABC….all on point!

But to be honest,i tended to just put the other chics on lay-a-way,the moment I began to spend more time with the serious one.
They then went on to officially drop themselves off,withouting me having to mouth anything to them..

Its a poker trick…

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
1:32 pm

I’m sure she will be making the morning news show/talk show circuit appearances in the next few days.

Yep on her way to being the next Reality TV show star.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
1:33 pm

All in all everyone has the right to ask whatever they want to know.
Raqi Exactly……….unless you wanna know about that time in Tijuana. lol

Spiritual folk got freak in ‘em too.
SexyC Say it ain’t soooooo. lol

Mike, I wasn’t talking about an actual porn star, as in one who actually does movies.
DJ So, a reformed/born-again Heather Hunter or Janet Jackme is out of the question? lol

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
1:34 pm

DreamsMat, or Vegas. :lol:

Enough Already

April 27th, 2011
1:36 pm

Welcome back, Me.lo!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
1:37 pm

DreamsMat, or Vegas.
Raqi Speaking of…I need to make a trip out there. lol

kimmie

April 27th, 2011
1:37 pm

You KNOW men are the masters at the “you didn’t ask me that” tactic.

Dreams – Yep, like that dude I dated for a year before I found out, thru my cousin, that he had a 4 year old daughter. When I asked him about it, he said I never asked him if he had kids! :shock:
Dreams, would I have to ask you, a grown man, whether or not you had kids? Wouldn’t you volunteer the information? But he had no relationship with her, not even a picture of her up in his house. He just sent a check every month.

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
1:38 pm

Purp – that reminds of a line from the movie that Cel mentioned earlier – The Best Man – Which is actually a quote from Audre Lorde.

“If you don’t define yourself for yourself, you’ll be crunched into other people’s fantasies for you and eaten alive.”

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
1:39 pm

kimmie, I guess him only sending a check was like him sending off his power bill in mail. smh

Back from Diva imposed Exile

April 27th, 2011
1:41 pm

EA..thanks..glad to be back!

DJ Sniper

April 27th, 2011
1:43 pm

LOL@ Dreams!!!!! Now I gotta go and download some old videos of those two when I get home. lmao

kimmie

April 27th, 2011
1:45 pm

Raqi – You are right about that! He said the woman came up after they had broken up with a 2 year old. Did the DNA and she was his. Now just sends a check. I asked him about it & he just shrugged.

Geechee

April 27th, 2011
1:49 pm

@Celisea: It’s your blog if you want it to be, but really “troll”. That’s kind of harsh, like Fion harsh. But in the end, I’m guilty of #1, #2 & #5 and you called me on it.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 27th, 2011
1:50 pm

@Sniper

The one where you agreed with ole girl about “dude shooting themselves in the foot”, we choosing each other; my say matters just as much as hers.

@Kimmie/Cel

I don’t assume anything. I believe what you tell me until it’s proven otherwise [remember Dan's a cards up player]. And if you feel as if you need/want to lie to me, I’ll take that into consideration too.

If the truth is you getting knocked while we’re seeing each other, tell me, allow me to make an informed decision. If the truth is you put buddy on hold, tell me that too.

But if you (again the nebulous you, not personal toward anyone) feel like I don’t “deserve” to know, then you don’t deserve me.

#truthmatters/hurts

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 27th, 2011
1:57 pm

And to the point about “why I’m asking” – because I want to know, I care.

If I didn’t, I stay strapped, you keep the info, and we ain’t got to worry about getting that close.