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Dating: How much information are you entitled to?

I was talking to my friend about his new relationship when he asked me how he could find out if she had a friends with benefits situation with someone.  We actually had a full on discussion about whether he should ask her outright (absolutely not) or how he could read the “signs” and tell. (For the record, all of his supposed signs were dumb)

I thought it was incredibly sweet (although slightly insane) that he was acting so irrationally about this young lady.   I have never seen him this “concerned” about a woman’s single status.  At the same time, I had to give him a reality check.  Keep this up and you will surely blow it, dude. Relax and let things continue to progress naturally. My guess is, the more he spends time with her, the less he will worry about “other dudes” or competition.

To be honest, I never think you should ask for information that you really don’t want the answer to. What would he do if she said, “Yes, I’m getting served up on a weekly basis when I’m not with you!”  When you are just in the getting to know you stage of dating, you aren’t entitled to every single detail of that person’s life.

Do you ever wonder if the person you are dating is seeing multiple people? Would it bother you if they were?

How much information do you think you are entitled to? What would you do if someone you were seeing asked you if you were pursuing/seeing/sleeping with other people? Would you be offended? Have you ever asked that question on a date?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

428 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
11:19 am

Morning

You aren’t “entitled” to anything, but that shouldn’t stop you from asking if you want to know. On the first few dates, I don’t really care what you’re dating life is like, and I don’t ask. I just assume you’re a grown woman who is DATING. It would be naive of me to think you were just sitting around waiting for a guy like me to show up. I surely wasn’t sitting around. If we’re vibing, I’ll let you know I’m ready to cut loose ends and ask if you’re ready to do the same. If you are, then we move forward.

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
11:20 am

I absolutely hate doctor apptmts.

If you ask, then get ready for the answer. But, you have no business asking anything about my sex life so early on into the relationship. Let’s date and get to know each other without even discussing FWBs. One of th problems in 2011, so many want to talk about sex 20 mins after meeting. There are so many other parameters of my persona worth getting to know before discussing sex.

MzNewy

April 27th, 2011
11:29 am

Good morning all!

If we are just dating…nope…don’t care. Cause seriously I think that some folks say dating when it’s really the horizontal mamba.

When I say dating, I mean we are just going out, having a great time in a social setting and going home…alone. Now if we are not having the “are we becoming exclusive” talk…don’t ask me shiznit and I won’t ask you.

The reality is that you had a life before MzNewy, and I would hope that meant you had some sort of social life too.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
11:30 am

Leggs i don’t think you get it, sex is very, very important “parameter” of your persona at least to most men. If a man is into freaks then he will not have a problem with it either way, so the chances of him asking you is slim. But for men don’t dates those types of women, it is a very important question to ask, and we’ll need to know this before we realize we’re wasting our time with trying to date you or take you seriously.

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
11:31 am

Cool Obama released his birth certificate good news what will the birthers have to talk about now. Trump abandoned the birther issue when he found out it was being released now he is talking about how Obama got into Harvard Trump is tripping…..LOL

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
11:33 am

MzNewy : these things are needed to be known BEFORE we consider you exclusive relationship worthy. So the question is gonna be asked BEFORE the “exclusive talk”.

Wifey

April 27th, 2011
11:33 am

If you are so nosey as to ask early on (think 3 – 5 dates), you have low self esteem. prodding and suspicious by nature. It’s like the red herring, “If you don’t have anything to hide, you won’t mind the police breaking in and looking through your stuff.” That’s not the point. When the time comes, we’ll discuss it. But this attitude lends itself to further down the line inqusitions and frankly, before I met you, my life is none of your business. Whether I had 5 or 50 patners before you isn’t up for discussion. If you ask me on our 5th date if I was seeing someone else, I’ll say yes even if I’m not. Life goes on and like everything, it waits or pauses for no one.

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
11:35 am

@MikeP ~ I most definitely do get it. Just no need to talk about sex within 30 mins of meeting me. That’s all I’m saying. Some feel the need to have that conversation quickly. I don’t. That’s all. And, of course sex is an important part of one’s persona, who doesn’t know this??

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
11:37 am

Trump can’t even tackle his wig how can he run a country…gheesh Not to mention FINDING criticism on nothing issue. Handle that first Trump THEN we can move on to bigger fish to fry.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
11:38 am

these things are needed to be known BEFORE we consider you exclusive relationship worthy.

What other “worthy” would I be? You’re spending time and hanging out with me obviously. You can do that but need to decide if I’m relationship worthy? Just wow.

cba

April 27th, 2011
11:43 am

Blackfoote, I heard some guy substituting for Neal Boortz and he said,”oh I never doubted he’s a citizen, I just want to see his Harvard transcript”. Man, those people are relentless. Why can’t people just be honest and say why they don’t like the man.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
11:44 am

wifey: it has nothing to do with self esteem or being suspicious: its simply about going after what a man wants in his own life. If a man doesn’t want a hoe (by his own standards & measures) then so be it. I for one will NOT be dating anyone more than 5 dates without knowing the persons “traits and behaviors.” If she lies or balks about me asking legitimate questions then she aint the right woman for me, imma get ghost real quick.

Raqi V

April 27th, 2011
11:44 am

Although I have always been a one man at a time woman, I wonder if the guys that feel the need to know if the woman is bedding another feel that way had the topic been a woman wanting to delve into the personal life of her new male love interest. Especially since I have it seen it stated on here so many times by the men that they keep a five finger rotation going until they decide a woman is worth their everything.

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
11:45 am

LOL……@Leggs I knew you would come back with something.

LOL……Celisea Trump is funny as hell, he’ll never win, though I like his straight talk until it’s about some BS.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
11:46 am

Blackfoote – Celisea Trump is funny as hell

He’s a clown

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
11:47 am

Blackfoote – He strikes me as being above reproach…thus the bad hair.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
11:48 am

Leggs: if you get it, then you’ll know why its important to get these outta the way before we get into “relationship” mode with you, im not saying it should be asked in 30mins or less; but it does need to be satisfactory addressed before you’ll see me take you seriously.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
11:48 am

Since we’re having Piece of Cake cake today, I’m eating early…hungry…gotta run. All we need is a reason to get cake from there…lol

Wifey

April 27th, 2011
11:49 am

I agree with Celisea, you’ll find out during the “getting to know me” process. But putting me on a stool in a dark room with one light in my face and start asking questions will get you an exit ticket. Frankly, you scare me. If we are getting to know one another and you get into something I don’t feel comfortable sharing, I just say “I’d rather not go into that.” If you still push, get ready for “Check Please!”. Wow, that was easy….

Go give someone else the “Bad Cop/Worst Cop” treatment.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
11:50 am

Okay, before I go…dudes talking about they gotta know, ummm how will you know? Seriously. I ain’t been one slanging ass so I don’t have that to hide but I know I’ve told a dude what he wanted to hear and he was none the wiser. Urrum, that was back in the day but I’m just saying? There’s nothing to this “wanting to know” and “can’t move forward until I do” and asking about my left pinky. You know what you’re told.

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
11:51 am

CBA I know last night on Fox they were talking about the man being at church Easter Sunday. They making reference about the pastor being racist like they did with pastor Wright.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
11:52 am

Celisea: read my post again. I was talking about how a man sometimes won’t entertain being in an exclusive relationship with a woman unless these types of questions are addressed, and you all are saying we shouldn’t be asking unless we’re in a exclusive relationship… see the difference here.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
11:56 am

A chick can ask me anything she wants. If I feel it’s out of bounds, I’ll say so. I never get upset at someone for asking though. My answer, or lack thereof, could save us both a whole lot of time.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
11:57 am

Mike P – I was talking about how a man sometimes won’t entertain being in an exclusive relationship with a woman unless these types of questions are addressed

I understood. But are you entertaining otherwise…without those questions addressed? If so then how is she “worthy” enough to do that but not worthy enough to move forward exclusively?

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
11:58 am

And really, would he have a problem with the fact that she would be involved with that type of relationship? Or it about whether or not she may or may not have one ONgoing?

Those are two different concerns.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
11:58 am

Mike P – Meaning, are ya’ll entertaining enough to date or hang out or maybe a little dusting? If you’re not asking drilling questions to get that done, why are you needing to know specifics to make it officially when you’ve been doing “official” stuff already?

Leggs

April 27th, 2011
11:59 am

“im not saying it should be asked in 30mins or less; but it does need to be satisfactory addressed…” before you’ll see me take you seriously.”

@MikeP ~ so you DO see it the same way I see it.

Wifey

April 27th, 2011
12:00 pm

I didn’t sign up for having to get grilled about everything from the past 15 years in order for you to give me your “seal of approval”. Try doing it the customary way of just TALKING and EXPERIENCING your date instead of sifting through the rap sheet of years gone by. How many of us are the same person we were ten years ago? You’re either not or you’re lying.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
12:00 pm

I totally agree with dreams here.

Women folk: It ain’t difficult either answer truthfully or politely decline to answer, it really is that simply; and its not a reason to get all upset and frighten over.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
12:01 pm

Wifey – How many of us are the same person we were ten years ago?

Good point wifey

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
12:01 pm

wifey we’re not talking about your distant past, we’re talking about what you’re currently doing while dating with me

DJ Sniper

April 27th, 2011
12:02 pm

Raqi, I gotta agree with you on this one. Some dudes really shoot themselves in the foot when it comes to this issue. I can understand a guy being leery of dating a woman who is/was a stripper or something like that. On the flipside, a lot of us guys have very fragile egos, and some of us can’t seem to accept the fact that a woman has a sexual past. What really kills me is when guys trip about a woman having a FWB situation in her past, yet he’s done the same thing. We’re our own worst enemy sometimes. If the two of you are feeling each other, then let things flow. If the woman does have an inner freak and you play your cards right, then you can definitely benefit from it.

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
12:02 pm

Uttt, well that’s true to Mike P…

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 27th, 2011
12:02 pm

They making reference about the pastor being racist like they did with pastor Wright.
Sorry but it burns my ears to hear the term “racist” being thrown around without people really knowing what it means. Racism and prejudice are not synonymous. The media is guilty of perpetuating this false usage.

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
12:03 pm

Dreams I feel like that too I got nothing to hide and with time you’ll know mostly everything about me.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
12:03 pm

Celisea

April 27th, 2011
12:04 pm

Applaud applaud DJ Sniper…a man agreed and rightfully so :)

Okay I’m going to lunch for real now

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
12:06 pm

Great pricing for a couples cruise in December…for anyone who is interested…and no, I am not affiliated with this company in any way, shape, form or fashion. TheDude and I are thinking about going and I’m just sharing the information.

http://lovejones2011.eventbrite.com/

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
12:07 pm

everyone: again we’re only talking about whether you are in a FWB with someone while dating someone else… we’re not talking about people’s past exploits.

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
12:08 pm

Dreams good point the media should say it like it is it’s pure prejudice.

DJ Sniper

April 27th, 2011
12:09 pm

Celisea, when I was single and I met a new woman, I always operated under the assumption that she was seeing and possibly being intimate with other people. Doing that kept me from being thrown for a loop by finding out that informaton later on down the line.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
12:11 pm

I have NEVER been in a FWB while dating a woman, so it goes without saying that I will expect the same from the woman I’m dating. If I find out that she was or lied to me when asked, then I’ll check out, plain and simple. Then I’m on to the next woman who peaks my interests.

Wifey

April 27th, 2011
12:11 pm

@Mike P, even so…..don’t get into that sort of stuff within the first 3-5 dates. You are shooting yourself in the foot. Guess what….I wasn’t at home waiting for you to call because I have a life. Chances are, if you tried calling me on the weekend, just assume I was out on a date and what happened on that date is no business of yours, just like what you did on your date is no business of mine. People just get so cock eyed serious and it’s like a job interview when all we are doing is dinner and/or drinks. Take that shyit somewhere else.

Wifey

April 27th, 2011
12:16 pm

Exactly, DJ Sniper. Just assume for arguments sake that she was rolling some other guy good before you came along. It’s a more realistic attitude. Now she’s dating you and him because you have perked her interest. Now it’s a two way street 1) One of the guys will impress her more or 2) She will decide that she likes something about either one more. If you start grilling her about where she’s been and who she’s seeing….guess what happens to your phone number and rating scale?

cba

April 27th, 2011
12:16 pm

After the second date, Ms cba asked me was I serious about a relationship because she was already dating someone. I said, I’m very serious and as they say, the rest is history. It felt good to push another guy to the curb because about two years earlier, I was the victim :-) .

Blackfoote

April 27th, 2011
12:17 pm

DJ Sniper good call dudes will blow ourself up.

Angela

April 27th, 2011
12:18 pm

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
12:18 pm

“If you start grilling her about where she’s been and who she’s seeing….guess what happens to your phone number and rating scale?”

Bears repeating.

Mike P

April 27th, 2011
12:22 pm

Wifey: yeah, in a way, it is sort-kinda like a job interview: when you have a desire to seriously date someone you gotta asked the right questions even if it may offend some, but then again, that’ll only mean you may not be the right person for me to consider to take seriously. If you were fun to being around and I like having having you around, we could still hang out (and only hang-out), but I wouldn’t date you anymore. And we’d only hangout with other friends who’d hangout with us, but no more dinners for two, late nights walk-n-talks, nothing romantic.

SexyCool

April 27th, 2011
12:24 pm

And that’s not to say that you cannot inquire about my activities when we are not together, I just don’t want to be put through an inquisition. Besides, mostly, I’m going to be fairly forthcoming about the activities that I feel are worth sharing. And if I didn’t tell you, it’s not your business.