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Most underrated singles: Do you overlook them?

Essence.com featured a list of the most underrated “types” that seem to get overlooked in dating.  There was a list for men and women, which seemed to outline the many perfectly dateable individuals that get a bad wrap in dating.  From the Mamma’s boy to the corporate/career woman, the underrated types actually read more like …normal people. You know, humans with imperfections?

I can’t honestly say that I haven’t overlooked men who are considered underrated. However,  I am not all that convinced they would have been interested or a good match for me anyway.  I think some single people are drawn to a certain “popular” type but is that who we should end up dating?

If we are all trying to date “the type”who are supposedly in high demand, who do you think is getting ignored? Would you consider yourself the type that is underrated?  If so, does it bother you? What (if anything) would you do differently to stand out?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

436 comments Add your comment

ellalittle

April 26th, 2011
5:19 am

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Ark2011

April 26th, 2011
8:34 am

I only overlook the fat, the biotchy and the ugly (Clint Eastwood whistles). Besides that, I’m all for it. VIVA LA COUGARS!

MC Hammock

April 26th, 2011
8:35 am

I only overlooked women that overlooked me. LOL

Lana

April 26th, 2011
8:37 am

The only people that I have overlooked are the unemployed, the beer gut, the old and creepy and the douche bag. That narrows down my selection list considerably these days.

Reggie

April 26th, 2011
8:39 am

Ta gotta have hooters, pouty lips and be under 20 lbs. overweight. No rubbing bellies with fat chicks.

lay in low

April 26th, 2011
8:49 am

I read the article last week and had a good laugh…another filler topic for a slow news day…i was surprised that essence ran that article..lol. I mean really..black women need to get over themselves

kh

April 26th, 2011
9:03 am

Why does this “diva” even have a column, epsecially on the front page?

mark

April 26th, 2011
9:03 am

i agree with you lay in low.. the sistas really need to get REAL!!! i love my Sistas But DAMN!

Neo

April 26th, 2011
9:07 am

@lay in low, Black AND white women need to get over themselves. With some of tyhe attitudes I see on this blog, I’m not surprised that the men have such unfavorable views towards women.

“Excuse me, Miss. Could we go out for months and maybe get married? After we get married you can nag me, berate me, redicule me, tell me I’m a pig, tell me my friends are not good for me and fool me by sexing like a porn star while we date only to become a nun and think of it as a chore after the ceremony.”

Yeah…..that’s the ticket. Swallow the blue pill if you want to stay single and swallow the red one if you want to go to hell.

lay in low

April 26th, 2011
9:17 am

LMAO..i meet with these date or dont date list…one troubling thing i see now in our community is weight..there are alot of heavy chevy’s when i step out on the town…this “she is thick” thing as gone to far…its more troubling to see less black women in the gyms or playing fields..IJS…

@NEO..lol..funny break down..but alot of that no sexing after the ceremony as some to do with the load your lady feels she has to carry…there is alot of bad programming out here..and thats because you are likely to run into a single mother who has been doing all by herself..so its hard to lose that mentality even when coupled up..they still think you going to leave..

Chink

April 26th, 2011
9:24 am

I wonder if any married women can elaborate on the “supposedly” diminishing drive after marriage.

Sometimes I think that stems from unresolved issues or probably just physically tired its demaanding raising a family…but I don’t think its purposeful like oh yeah when we get married I am going to stop more like probably when we got married I didnt think it would be like this “why did i do this again?”

Food For Thought

lay in low

April 26th, 2011
9:32 am

@chink..most women…get up…get the kids ready..get themselves ready…make lunchs or give money..drive in traffic to school/daycare…drive in traffice to work…work…battle percieved..haters/boss/job duties/gossip…lunch….more work…drive in traffic…pick up kids…get home…help with homework..clean up…cook dinner…check home work….get kids ready for bed..get selve ready

Man…get up..wash balls…go to work….get off work…go meet up boys for drink or gentlemans club…or any other percieve errand…or maybe..hit the gym…or go play sport..

so when men get home and think there women will perform on them…look at her day…for a man all that is ok i have to do this and i am good..for a woman…all that equates to stress..because from what i was told alot of them dont want to ” mess it up” so its undo stress placed on them or they feel the man i not helping enough…its like the more time she gets to run her mouth on the phone to her pals the happier you will be…that means she has elimated a “duty” for girl time…less thats what i learned from my time of marriage

Overlooked dater because

April 26th, 2011
9:37 am

One leg is shorter than the other. I get over looked all the time. I make good money, drive a decent and reliable car, own my home(paid for) and have very little debt. Still, I am single.

Neo

April 26th, 2011
9:38 am

@Chink, I even read it in an article on relationships. A study by a German relationship doctor found that after the 4th year in a “secure” (his exact wording), a woman experiences a major drop in testosterone producting and subsequently, libido. Sure there are other factors, but everyone has that. And it made no differentialtion between having or nor having kids. They just do. Maybe that’s why we are boucing off the walls while we date, because there’s the possibility that he could break it off and that would be that. Once the marriage is done, that threat drops a lot because of the legal and financial rammifications.

Dating big boned women

April 26th, 2011
9:42 am

The weight…..yeah. I don’t mind a few extra pounds. What I dislike is the deceit of the weight issue. When they say “I’m big boned”….Yeah….and there is a lot of meat on them bones…..Looks like most of them bones ended up in your rear end…..I’m guessing they are crushed by now.

If you’re overweight, admit it. We will know it the moment we see you. If it bothers you, loose the weight.

Neo

April 26th, 2011
9:42 am

@lay in low, that’s not the case these days, I did most of the laundry, damn near all of the cooking, I woke up before my wife did, got the kids ready, then took a cup of coffee up to my wife so she could wake up and go to her job. When I came home from work around 6:30, all she did was sit in the recliner and watch TV while complaining of how tired she was. Mean while I played with the dog, the kids, clean the kitchen (I normally, but not always, made the dinner, too). She was in bed at 9 and the cycle repeated itself. The days of the woman doing the housework and all of the child rearing has long sense been gone. I can attest to that.

Tired Out

April 26th, 2011
9:43 am

As the “fat” guy who usually gets overlooked, I learned very early on that physical attraction is only worth so much. A woman can be the most strikingly beautiful person you have ever seen, but if her personality is utter garbage, or if she is (for lack of a better phrase) dumber than a bag of hammers, there won’t be much there.

Then again, I consider myself blessed. Yeah, like I said, I’m the “fat” guy. But I’m dating the most beautiful, smart, funny lady I know.

Amia

April 26th, 2011
9:43 am

I don’t think I am overlooked. I gain the eye of plenty of men. I have learned that I need to stop being so picky and look for the core qualities of a person. I’m trying…it’s a work in progress. I am becoming more open minded though and the dating has really opened up a lot.

TenderRoni

April 26th, 2011
9:46 am

I don’t really get this topic, so I will be lurking (as usual).

Especially when the women bashers are out.

Neo

April 26th, 2011
9:48 am

I was NOT the husband that just worked and came home. I wasn’t gonna be the guy that got put on Oprah with 90,000 women raining fire on him for being worthless. If I see another article to the slant that women think that a man doing housework is sexy, I’m gonna throw up. All it did was raise the bar for me and it was EXPECTED of me to do what I had been doing. Before marriage, we did it damn near every other day. We went on our honeymoon in Grand Caymen for a week and we had sex ONCE while there. It only got worse from then on out. So I filed after 7 years and asked if we could be done with this in a couple of hours.

Simple Man Know known as "Coitus Interruptus"

April 26th, 2011
9:49 am

Lay in low..

Stop with teh BS excuses…if there is a legit desire to make sure your intimate life stays strong, then one should be willing to put forth a consistant effort to make it happen. thast not to say that life does not happen and things do not get in the way, but the dyed inthe wool lame, played out ecuses that you gave in your 9:32 will only result in you being “38 hot” when you find out your guy was hitting down the street because you built in excuses to lay down on that wifely duty….

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2011
9:55 am

Morning all -

I’m tall, thin, black, outgoing, and employed. I think it’s natural for me to date guys who bring the same thing to the table as I do (tall, fit, black, outgoing, employed).

Yes, I have overlooked the under 5′5″ guys. I mean 6 inches shorter, without heels?! And truth be told bite sized men aren’t trying to date me either. :lol:

But in recent times, I am considering the introverted guys and the guys with man boobs. An unemployed, non-black, the mama’s boys and the too young/too told guys would really have to be special. But it’s possible.

I think most people start to evaluate their dating choices once they stop getting dates or keep dating losers. I’m not quite there yet. LOL

I’ve dated the “no flava, the long distance and the cave man guy before.

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2011
9:57 am

Wow…I just read the women’s list and tall women were the first topic! I didn’t know so many guys were opposed to dating us. :lol:

czBrat

April 26th, 2011
10:00 am

HiYas!

can’t open the article w/o freezing my lap, so i’ll have to rely on blog comments to follow what it says. first thing that comes to my mind is who is doing the “overlooking”? are we implying that a physically fit person is overlooking someone who is overweight? or that a corporate exec is overlooking a cashier? i think those things are common and understandable. but if one overweight exec overlooks another because of the other person’s weight issue, now that’s an interesting situation. s/o and i were talking about the automatic perception if you see an attractive or younger woman with an unattractive or older man vs. the reverse. we make different assumptions in each case.

i like Amia’s comment. i like that you’re making an effort to see something deeper. but i ask, are you completely disregarding physical appearance in order to get to know a person’s core? or is it still the aesthetics that makes you want to know more about him?

Hi Simple! Hi Red! C’mon back Roni :lol:

Red, did you know the guy had no flava or was a neanderthal BEFORE you really got to know them though? did they initially seem like your usual fit?

SexyCool

April 26th, 2011
10:00 am

Under 5′5 – um, yeah…no.

Introverted Guys – Are not as quiet as they think they are. TheDude *could* be described as introverted, but those who know him, know better.

No Flava – Flava is in the eye of the beholder.

Non-Black – been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

Momma’s boys – well, it depends. If he has a healthy respect for his momma and treats her well, that’s one thing. If his momma is still picking out the clothes that he wears to work, RUN! FAST!

Long Distance – no thanks.

Unemployed – seriously?!?

Too Young/Too Old – To each his own, TheDude is five years younger than me, but who cares?

Man-Boobs – This *used* to be a disqualifier, but I learned better. However, obesity is not sexy, nor is it healthy and I will take a pass on that.

Cave-Man – Um, yeah…no, don’t know how they’d get pass “Hello” with THAT description. Ain’t no-damn-body desperate around here.

lay in low

April 26th, 2011
10:01 am

@neo…dayum homies…you had a lazy one…

lay in low

April 26th, 2011
10:07 am

@simple..no excuse..just things women say to justifiy there lack of drive..

@ared…i like taller women…my cut off is 5′7….i like them 5′7 and up..

@SC..sup sis :-)

SexyCool

April 26th, 2011
10:07 am

Ms. Jr. Booty. Ms. Over 35. That would be me. (lol)

Atlanta= land of the free, home of the thirsty

April 26th, 2011
10:08 am

I saw this list and immediately concluded that whoever wrote it has lost theit damn mind. Continue to send the message that folks should settle. way to go, Essence :-|

SexyCool

April 26th, 2011
10:08 am

LIL – hey, you…

Atlanta= land of the free, home of the thirsty

April 26th, 2011
10:09 am

Atlanta= land of the free, home of the thirsty

April 26th, 2011
10:10 am

Do any other subscribers feel some kind of way about Wendy Williams being on the cover? :lol:

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2011
10:12 am

Yeah, like I said, I’m the “fat” guy. But I’m dating the most beautiful, smart, funny lady I know

:) Aww.

Morris

April 26th, 2011
10:13 am

Neo..

I totally agree with you. I am up first, get both kids ready and fed, and make the coffee for both of us. Drive both to school…my wife gets up, gets herself ready…just goes to work.

She picks the kids up, complains about how I get home late (I get to work well after her as I go in late because I drop off the kids) and about how she has to make dinner. (Yeah…she cooks..I clean up every night).

After cleaning up the kitchen..I give the kids baths..(yeah me!) and put them to bed. Wifey..sits and watches tv. She does do laundry…I do all of the yardwork.

So whats up with the no bedroom olympics? She is tired. From what?

Too me its all excuses. Woman complain that they cannot find a good man. They get one and do nothing with him.

Neo speaks the truth…I am sure there are other that will concur…

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2011
10:15 am

Red, did you know the guy had no flava or was a neanderthal BEFORE you really got to know them though? did they initially seem like your usual fit?

czBrat – I like corny dudes, so yeah, I knew he didn’t have “flava.”

As for the cave man dudes…there is only so much I will tolerate, but as you know, I’m a pistol BUT a traditional woman, so cave man can work for me.

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2011
10:16 am

@ared…i like taller women…my cut off is 5′7….i like them 5′7 and up..

lay in low – There are “taller” women, who are 5′7 and then there are actual TALL women, like me who are 5′11 in flats. A lot of guys think they are cool with it, until I want to wear my 4 inch heels and then the comments start. :lol:

Morris

April 26th, 2011
10:18 am

As for underrated singles..

My brother in law… Owns his own business, drives a lexus, owns his own home. Former athlete…still in good shape. Good looking dude…cannot find a good woman. As soon as they find out all of the above qualities…its buy me this, buy me that..let me move in.

I feel bad for guys who do have alot going for themselves. Seems today there are to many gold diggers and not enough every day diamonds to choose from.

The guys that seem to get the best woman are the jerks. This then turns women into crazies…because after making their bad choices in men they take it out on the real every day underrated types.

MC Hammock

April 26th, 2011
10:21 am

-gotta be over 5′4″
-gotta be employed
-no fatties
-no pissy attitude
-no chip on her shoulder about MEN
-likes to dance
-is active. No couch potatoes unless we are on the couch with your ankles on my shoulders.
-no “I’m always right and you’re always wrong”. We can discuss and debate, but the door swings both ways
-no devil worshippers
-no drug users or sellers
-you must have all of your fingers, toes and both eyes

did I leave out anything?

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2011
10:22 am

My brother in law… Owns his own business, drives a lexus, owns his own home. Former athlete…still in good shape. Good looking dude…cannot find a good woman. As soon as they find out all of the above qualities…its buy me this, buy me that..let me move in.

Morris – There is something about the woman he pursues then. How soon does he allow all these women to “find” out these things? Sounds like he’s leading with that.

I’m a grounded woman and I’ve never been on that “buy” me tip. But I’m also understated, I don’t rock the designer purses and shoes, but a lot of guys who CLAIM they don’t want gold diggers, are.

lay in low

April 26th, 2011
10:22 am

@Ared…gotcha…

@neo/morris…yeah dude i experienced that before and to make a long story short…they are just lazy as hell. Thats my only fear getting with another lazy arse chick

kimmie

April 26th, 2011
10:24 am

Morning Gang!

I’ll probably lurk on this one. If you’re overlooked, get out more. I really don’t know what to tell you.

And what’s with all these beyotching dudes on here today? I see why nobody wants you with your tired attitudes! Probably short and fat. :lol:

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2011
10:24 am

czBrat

April 26th, 2011
10:25 am

morris, i certainly cannot speak to whether or not you’re getting enough of a workout, but out of curiosity what does wifey do? is it possible her work is, in fact, exhausting?

:lol: @ SC. what the heck is a Ms. Jr. Booty???

‘traditional pistol’ … i relate very well. :wink: after about 6-8 months with s/o i had to tell him to stop handling me with kid gloves and go ahead and let his inner thug beast out, otherwise i’d quickly get bored and step all over him.

SexyCool

April 26th, 2011
10:27 am

czB – Straight from the article –

“Long before Nicki Minaj, Kim Kardashian and Beyonce, men have appreciated an ample derrière. Since the beginning of time, a woman with a larger back was viewed as feminine and beautiful. But before you invest in butt implants or make a smaller investment in the Booty Pop (on sale at Target for only $20… yes, I had to research that), know that men DO have love for the ladies with a Jr. Booty. Remember, it’s all about proportion — as long as your hip to waist ratio is 70% or less (divide your waist measurement by your hip measurement to determine), you have a figure that will make most men look twice.”

short guy

April 26th, 2011
10:27 am

Ok, someone explain this to me – if I’m successful, in-shape, sophisticated, fun and have a good sense of humor, but I’m only 5′5″, you’d rather date a guy who is 6 feet and out of shape, neolithic or unemployed?

Just saying, I’ve done the best with what I have. I’m not going to try out for the Hawks anytime soon, but I’d really like to think that women – at least the ones worth dating – aren’t that shallow.

Yep

April 26th, 2011
10:33 am

Dang Neo… They must have cloned your wife!! She now lives in my house, except this version refuses to even get a job (cook, clean or “perform”) after children and 12 years! I guess that is why our divorce and child support is set so high in Georgia, just because the government does not want another on the welfare rolls when you get rid of her. Day of reckoning is approaching when children get older though.

Neo

April 26th, 2011
10:34 am

czbrat, We all have jobs that tire us out. Unless you are training for the Olympics all day, working out at the gym all day or working at the loading docks, the job is just that, the job. Sounds like the excuse machine is getting cranked up. We are ALL tired after work, but does that mean you go into shut down mode as soon as you walk in the door? I don’t and I think any man that does the “shut down” as soon as he walks in the door needs a 2 x 4 upside his head as well.

Morris

April 26th, 2011
10:35 am

CzBrat…wifey is a pencil pusher..in the office all day.

AmazonRed™

April 26th, 2011
10:36 am

if I’m successful, in-shape, sophisticated, fun and have a good sense of humor, but I’m only 5′5″, you’d rather date a guy who is 6 feet and out of shape, neolithic or unemployed?

Short guy – Wrong question to ask. Because if you have all that at 5′5″ it’s usually not difficult to find that with a guy who is 6′5…or 6′ at least. :lol:

Morris

April 26th, 2011
10:38 am

AmazonRed…my brother in law is one of the most down to earth guys out there. Not flashy. Just a dude you would probably see in the mall or on the street. He does not put his business out on there…he always says..we meet, date for a while. She gets to know me, what I do..next thing you know she’s trying to run my pockets. Then she has got to go…