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Those wandering eyes…belong to me!

I have to put myself on blast.  It’s not something I am proud of nor do I condone this kind of bad dating behavior.  Recently, while I was having dinner with a guy, I got caught gawking another guy.  I know, I know, it doesn’t get much tackier than that! I have no real excuse for it, really.  I mean, I did have some wine and I was not enjoying the conversation at that point.  Even still, it didn’t give me a right to stare at the fine (FINE) man walking by.

To make matters worse, I locked eyes with said good looking man and he gestured something to me.  Just when I tried to figure out what he was saying, I notice my date looking at me as if I had sprouted 5 heads.  Oy.  I tried unsuccessfully to play it off and that just irritated him more. Things went downhill from there, including a icy glare and awkward silence.

Needless to say, I don’t think I will hear from him again.  He was justifiably annoyed. Heaven knows what I would have said or done had he been the one checking out some woman so blatantly.  I feel awful, truly.

Do you ever have a problem with wandering eyes?  When you are out with someone, do you ever sort of check out of the conversation and somehow start looking around at other people? Why do you think it happens?

What would you do if you caught your date or your significant other looking at someone else in front of you?

P.S. Do you think I should let sleeping dogs lie or would it be nice if I at least called to apologize?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

391 comments Add your comment

Strawdog

April 25th, 2011
5:31 am

MzNewy

April 25th, 2011
7:20 am

Leave it alone. Obviously if he were more engaging you would have been more focused on him. I guess he got the “she’s just not that into you” message when your eyes wandered.

For me, I keep the first few dates to lunch or drinks to see if I even enjoy his conversation. When we work up to dinner, I enjoy his company. I have been guilty of wandering eyes before and found that since I don’t commit to dinner until I feel some sort of chemistry, this keeps the wandering eye in check ;)

Oh….Good morning, Everyone.

Heat Guy J

April 25th, 2011
7:21 am

It happens. If it was a first date, don’t bother apologizing. If you’re drop-dead gorgeous, I bet he’ll apologize to YOU for getting mad! I openly check out whoever I want, no matter who I’m with, but I always find a creative way to quell my date’s jealousy. Girls I date are more impressed with my boldness; people mainly get mad when you appear to feel guilty.

tyrone from east point

April 25th, 2011
7:44 am

MzNewy

April 25th, 2011
7:53 am

Wow…Seems like guys take it really personal if that happens to one of the fellas. Hmmm…I feel that guys are more visual and tend to get caught gawking more. In my case, when I have done it, it was because the guy did not intellectually stimulate me….in plain English…he bored me. I speaking for me, your looks may catch my eye but you have to engage my mind to keep me interested.

Ark2011

April 25th, 2011
8:25 am

Any man that has to spend more than two months around a woman going through menapause is hereby exonerated from having to die for his country. You can say all you want about the many bad male qualities, but it pales with the mental sickness that is PMS and Menapause.

Incidentaly, I look and I know that a woman will look. If they are normal, it’s just part of being alive. If she has menapause, it’s because she is imagining you and him were set on fire.

MC Hammock

April 25th, 2011
8:27 am

If your date or partner isn’t paying attention to you as you converse, it says a lot about the subject of your conversation or your conversation skills.

Lana

April 25th, 2011
8:28 am

Nothing wrong with checking out the buffet through the window as long as you come home to eat.

PKinGA

April 25th, 2011
8:37 am

I agree with MzNewy on both points she has made. I am not sure why the guys are taking it so personally (I am a guy). Based on totally random observations, guys are much worse about checking out other women when on dates than the other way around. Also, I wonder about WD going to dinner with someone that she clearly had no connection with. Unless the guy was insistent that they go to dinner, something else a bit less expensive and less time-consuming would have been more appropriate. Dinners are all about communication and connecting and if you don’t have much in common to talk about with your date, the conversation lags and the mind (and eyes) wander.

David

April 25th, 2011
9:03 am

Nothing wrong with admiring the scenery. You’re being pretty arrogant if you thing he/she isn’t. Now if you begin foaming at the mouth and gawk at him/her, that’s a horse of a different color. There will always be men more pleasing on the eyes than you and there will always be more woman that are the same. Doesn’t mean that they or you want to be with them and if it is done with moderation, I don’t have a problem with that. You’re on a date, you’re not dead. Death is when you get married or in a casket.

Arch

April 25th, 2011
9:06 am

Nothing deals an ego more of a blow than going to a party or club with a date and she leaves with someone else. Wandering eyes are a part of real life and unfortunately, sometimes you get burned. Que sera, sera….

Rehab2010

April 25th, 2011
9:10 am

I went to a party with a female “friend” of mine and we seemed to be having a good time. Apparently, she was rather unimpressed with me (my dancing, conversation, etc), because she suddenly turned up missing. Then a discovery was made in the upstairs bathroom as she was riding some other guy on the bathroom vanity. I guess that unless you take the wandering eyes THAT far, it’s all a part of it. Needless to say, I found someone else to party with that night.

Purple Rain

April 25th, 2011
9:14 am

The only time I tend to steal glances at other women are the times that my wife has made me really upset. Also, I have caught her stealing glances at other women before. I’ve asked her about it, it’s not a problem but she will spot a fine woman before I do. I sometimes wonder if there is a past there that she is not telling me.

Leggs

April 25th, 2011
9:18 am

Good morning!

@Rehab2010 ~ WOW! Now, that’s a slut!

@WD ~ I wouldn’t feel too bad either. It happens. Although men tend to “gawk” and get caught, it’s a part of life. A little disrespectful to be honed in on another man while out on a date, but apparently you became bored and a ray of sunlight walked into the room and blinded your senses (lol).

mark

April 25th, 2011
9:24 am

i would have two-pieced yo looking ASS!

kellibean

April 25th, 2011
9:26 am

Men and women both check out the scenery. The difference is that most men make it obvious. It bothers me when I’m with my s/o and catch him obviously checking someone out (which he hasn’t done since I told him how it felt). He said he doesn’t mind when I check out other men and I told him that I do, but it’s not obvious. We are all going to look…there are a lot of beautiful people out there. Just have respect for your partner and don’t be so obvious about it.

Reggie

April 25th, 2011
9:31 am

@Leggs. Naaaaahhh….Rehab’s date was just a very loving person and she felt like that guy needed some love!

Paris Hilton

April 25th, 2011
9:33 am

Did someone say something about a bathroom vanity……?

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 25th, 2011
9:33 am

Morning
We’re all human, and there’s always someone more fine than your date. There are ways to be subtle about it though. No need to be disrespectful to the person you’re out with, even if they’re not exciting you at the moment. WD said she was gawking at dude and even trying to communicate with him (”I locked eyes with said good looking man and he gestured something to me. Just when I tried to figure out what he was saying,”). Then she tried to lie about it when she had clearly been caught. That’s wack as he!!. Dude would have been completely within bounds if he bounced on the spot. But since dudes put up with this, chicks feel like they can do this and it’s no big deal.

AmazonRed™

April 25th, 2011
9:38 am

Morning all -

Thanks for sharing an actual dating misadventure Wise. But girl, really? :lol:

Yes, you should at least call to apologize. Chicks like us need all the good dating karma we can get! ;)

Bones

April 25th, 2011
9:38 am

I read an article this weekend about the Herpes stuff and it listed a LOT of celebrities that had it. Linday Lohan, Derek Jeter, Rihana, Beyonce, Mariah Cary, Robin Williams, Scarlet Johanson and the list went on and on. It also said that 1 in 5 people have either the cold sore variety or the genital one. The frightening thing was that over 60% of the 1 out of 5 ration DON’T KNOW THAT THEY HAVE IT! I can’t believe the ratio is that high. To my knowledge, I only know one person that has it. Anyone else think this is way too high? I’m still flat jawed about the article.

MC Hammock

April 25th, 2011
9:41 am

WD should just let sleeping dogs lie. That train has done run with that guy. Chalk it up.

SlimNumeroUno

April 25th, 2011
9:44 am

Morning all (walking in slowly and struggling like a mutha sucka)

Purp – if there were some untold stories by your wife that she later disclosed to you, would you have a problem with it?

Purple Rain

April 25th, 2011
9:47 am

Wise if you deemed him not interesting enough to keep your attention why would you either bother calling him back? If I were him I would surmis from how you carried yourself that you were not my type of woman and that you had a short attention span.

MzNewy

April 25th, 2011
9:48 am

@ Amazon – nah…she should just chalk it up as a learning experience. I take it she probably apologized on the spot….that’s sufficient. Besides…it’s safe to say she probably isn’t going to see him again. LOL Take the “L” and keep it moving.

Besides any apology more than a day later is going to smack of desperation.

Purple Rain

April 25th, 2011
9:48 am

Slim yes because that would be a lie and she has adamantly denied it before when I have asked.

M. (pronouced M dot)

April 25th, 2011
9:49 am

Wandering eyes are always there…but it is about showing respect for the person you are with. If you arent interested, don’t go out!

My female friend got caught checking out a guy with her boyfriend…like really caught…they walked past a guy and she did the whole turn around thing.

I think the problem with the dating scene is it just lacks respect these days.

If I am with a woman and her eyes wander, I would say something funny but stern to get my point across like…”I see you looking at that guy kinda hard, let me close the tab out so you can go hang home with him lol”

@Wise Diva

So who paid the dinner bill? Did you two go dutch since you obviously were not interested in him?

MzNewy

April 25th, 2011
9:51 am

@ Purple – I have noticed attractive women. I have no problem admitting that a woman has it going on. Am I attracted to her? Not on a $exual level but I love looking at beautiful things, women included ;)

AmazonRed™

April 25th, 2011
9:54 am

Besides any apology more than a day later is going to smack of desperation.

Really? You’re rude on a date and you call the next day to apologize for being rude…how is that desperation?

And it doesn’t seem like she apologized during the date. It’s clear they aren’t interested in each other. She’ll probably get the voicemail, she can leave the apology via voicemail and keep it moving.

SlimNumeroUno

April 25th, 2011
9:55 am

Purp – Well that makes sense if she has denied before. I notice beautiful/attractive women as well. But that doesn’t mean I want to be engaged in any type of sexual situations with them.

MzNewy

April 25th, 2011
9:55 am

@ M. – some people are just nice to look at and you don’t realize there is no substance until you go out with them. That’s what dates are for – to get to know someone or in WD’s case to realize you really DON’T want to get to know him better.

Again…I go back to my initial point…keep the first few dates to brief things, happy hour drinks, lunch etc. It’s easy to weed out a bore and keep it moving. Nothing is worse than being stuck for a couple of hours with a snoozer.

AmazonRed™

April 25th, 2011
9:57 am

I sometimes wonder if there is a past there that she is not telling me.

PR – Don’t even let those type of demons enter your psyche!

MzNewy

April 25th, 2011
9:58 am

@Amazon….please read what I said again…anything more than a day….If it was last week, she should leave it alone. If it were this weekend woman up about it, apologize and keep it moving.

If someone who is not in my circle, meaning I probably wouldn’t see them again called me a week later about some trife stuff he did on a date, I would think he probably is just trying to keep me in his “just in case” roledex…so he probably doesn’t mean the apology and that smacks of desperation.

Leggs

April 25th, 2011
9:58 am

@Reggie ~ you got a point there…slut!

Chink

April 25th, 2011
10:00 am

MzNew

I was about to say the same thing…and it has nothing to do with attraction …also I look at people who look weird or strange… guys just want to make us attracted to women anytime they can…it gets annoying.

AmazonRed™

April 25th, 2011
10:00 am

WD said she was gawking at dude and even trying to communicate with him (”I locked eyes with said good looking man and he gestured something to me. Just when I tried to figure out what he was saying,”). Then she tried to lie about it when she had clearly been caught. That’s wack as he!!.

Dreams – Exactly. It’s one thing to look, it’s another to gawk, keep looking and trying to send messages!

Wise – Did you let the man pay for your dinner????

PKinGA

April 25th, 2011
10:00 am

Agree wtih MC Hammock – no need for apology and closure with the guy. Clearly there is no connection with this guy and no more dates in the future. Any grovelling WD would have to do could be misinterpreted as interest in another date.

MC Hammock

April 25th, 2011
10:01 am

C’mon, people, this is a no brainer. Of COURSE it happens. It happens regularly, whether you’re marrid or not. Some are just better at hiding it. I don’t get the big hang up about it unless it’s constantly during the dae or if you have an incident like Rehab did.

Purple Rain

April 25th, 2011
10:02 am

Amazon, true I pray them away. I don’t act on them I just raise an eyebrow, notice and file it away.

AmazonRed™

April 25th, 2011
10:02 am

@Amazon….please read what I said again…anything more than a day….If it was last week, she should leave it alone. If it were this weekend woman up about it, apologize and keep it moving.

I don’t have to read it again. Wise ASKED if she should apologize and MY OPINION is that she should. You’re the one over here trying to tell ME that she shouldn’t. My opinion hasn’t changed.

Nor would I think it would be desperate. She was wrong… and since she ASKED I think she should apologize, whether it’s been a day or a year.

If you feel differently, so be it. But don’t sit up here and tell ME what she should be doing.

Leggs

April 25th, 2011
10:04 am

@SlimNU ~ I’m struggling this morning. I’m struggling with walking. I finally put air in my yoga ball over the weekend and have been doing squats against the wall. I’m surprised I am as sore as I am since I do my lunges every other day. I thought I was over the soreness. Now, I can’t even walk down the freaking stairs!

AmazonRed™

April 25th, 2011
10:06 am

I do know a very happily married couple that met while she was on a date with someone else! He was interested…but didn’t want to be rude. She excused herself and he asked her point blank if that was her man. She said no, but it was her date and they quickly exchanged numbers. After a few weeks she moved to Atlanta to live with him, a few years later they married and last year they had their first baby.

Wonder if the dude she was on the date with ever figured out what happened. :lol:

Reggie

April 25th, 2011
10:06 am

oops…sounds like ARed already has her claws out and tearing at the furniture.

ARed…..WOOOOSAAAAAAAHHH…..

Leggs

April 25th, 2011
10:06 am

@MzNewy ~ I defnitely agree with your 9:51. I’ll give a woman props any day if she deserves it!

Purple Rain

April 25th, 2011
10:08 am

I tend to have blinders on when I am out with her but when I am by myself I take it all in. NOt like a perv I just notice more when I am by myself. LOL

Tancred

April 25th, 2011
10:10 am

Men and women are still primates, much more so than they are willing to admit. I agree with Ark about the PMS and Menopause. Even when they are not going through that hormonal thing, they are still wired to be irrational, vain, and ruled by their emotions. Even the ones who say they want a “good” man or a “nice” man, or a “faithful” man, what they really want is that “FINE” man. That our diva would use that word in caps for a guy that just walked by is typical. He could be a murderer, a cheat, a liar, but as long as he is “FINE” that’s all that counts. Women are perfidious by nature. That’s why I never have relationships with women that go beyond platonic; not worth all the crap that happens once you decide to be “committed.” I’ve been an Onanist for several years now and it’s a lot better than being in a “romantic” relationship.

Willie Dynamite

April 25th, 2011
10:11 am

Morning All –

WD – Stop the excuses and explaining. You were on a DATE. The dude you were with didn’t hold your attention. You aint gotta Lie Craig. It was already over before that point. Had you not seen Mr. Fine you would have just persisted in some more boring needless timewasting. I do agree it was rude, what was ruder was your attempt at damage control. You didn’t have anything to lose. What would your apology be for? The gawk, the attempted hook-up? The cover-up? Thats not the first time Dude had that happen and it won’t be the last. He will be alright, just K.I.M.

AmazonRed™

April 25th, 2011
10:11 am

oops…sounds like ARed already has her claws out and tearing at the furniture.

:lol: Comes across that way huh? Yeah, folks trying to argue with an opinion gets my dander up. She already posted 50-11 times that she thinks differently…we get it!

Oh and I stayed up late to watch the Lakers lose, so that’s certainly not helping matters! :evil: :lol:

SlimNumeroUno

April 25th, 2011
10:12 am

Leggs – Well if you do lunges every other day, then those muscles are probably used to that particular exercise…So when you got with the yoga ball, you threw them off hence causing you to feel more sore. Just my guess though ;-) Me on the other hand have had one cup of coffee and I still don’t feel fully awake yet.

Leggs

April 25th, 2011
10:13 am

@ARed ~ that’s cute. SexyC met her man while out on a date with another. Now look at the lovebirds!