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Date debate: Obligations

The fastest way to find out if you and your date have similar “moral compasses” is to bring up the topic of “obligatory sex” (yes, those are sarcastic quotation marks).  I found that it’s one of those getting to know you topics that a man and woman can have that lets them know just how compatible they are.  Trust me.

At one point, I had to stop and think how we even got here.  The conversation related to someone not being in the mood and how their partner deals with it.  I agreed that I would not state my personal opinion on the topic until after the MIA blog readers discussed what they thought, so I will just frame the topic like this:

Is there ever a time when you are obligated to be intimate with your partner?

Would you ever tell your partner that they are obligated to please you?

How important is it to find out about a person’s attitudes/views about sex when you are dating? When do you start exploring that topic with them?

P.S. Have you ever been on a date with someone and they said something that annoyed you so much that you wanted to get up and walk out? Yeah, just wondering.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

227 comments Add your comment

Raqi V

April 18th, 2011
3:25 pm

As far as my guy saying no to sex, I did have to bring myself to a point of realizing that he was not rejecting me but rather not in the mood for sex.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:25 pm

Leggs, as soon as we said rejection I bet you could remember a time you were rejected. If a guy were to think about rejection it would all be a blur. But what we would remember is acceptance. LOL

For the record I can find a way to refute everything you type, if you haven’t caught on quite yet.

SexyCool

April 18th, 2011
3:28 pm

The few times I can remember being blown off for sex were when I was in a supposedly committed relationship.

Which makes me think it’s more likely that a man is willing to take a pass on the puddy that is in house as opposed to puddy that comes and goes and that he is not guaranteed access to on a regular basis.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:28 pm

SexyCool, Simple Man proabably was trying to call the police on TheDude, so that his own odds would be better. What did the guy do, break into something?

I can tell you how to make your puppy a great guard dog in one easy step if you would like. Keep her away from anyone but you and your mate when at home, if you have company put her up and away. Only socialize her away from the house. That way if anyone comes to your home that is not you or TheDude, she will start barking like crazy!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 18th, 2011
3:28 pm

If a guy were to think about rejection it would all be a blur.
Purp Only time dude remembers a rejection is if it’s a chick who circled around later down the road to get with him after the rejection.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:30 pm

Honestly I am to tired to try and entertain another puddy, my home puddy keeps me worn out. I have no energy to give to another puddy. I wonder if she is doing that on purpose? I tend to think so becuase even in the absence of puddy she gives me the best massages now and I don’t even ask for them.

kimmie

April 18th, 2011
3:30 pm

Purple – LOL!! You know what I’m saying though. Because of the “order” of things in society, men have traditionally done the asking so naturally they have more experience at dealing with rejection. Sounds common sense to me.

Dealing with a loved one rejecting you on such a personal level is a whole different deal. Hopefully you would not just say, “whatever” and go looking for love elsewhere until you’ve at least tried to make it work. Hopefully the other would compromise and work with you too, per the “obligation” part.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:31 pm

Dreams, yes you are right and then we have the power to rearrange her spine or just tell her “no thanks” LOL

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
3:32 pm

@PR ~ I’m too strong willed to lie. I’ll speak the truth. You ask, I’ll tell you. Now, I won’t necessarily step to you and volunteer information. :wink:

@SexyC ~ I thought it obvious!

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
3:33 pm

“Leggs, as soon as we said rejection I bet you could remember a time you were rejected. If a guy were to think about rejection”

Now, I really couldn’t. I’ve never been rejected when I invited someone to bed down with me (lol).

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:35 pm

kimmie, if a loved one told me no( I would be hurt….but then) I would ask her what does she mean “no”? Then again I would probably ignore her and keep trying. That’s why you can’t marry a big fat woman, if she says know you have to be able to pin her on her back with her legs up and lick her into submission.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:37 pm

Well Leggs, only an idiot would tell YOU know. Question have you ever asked a guy to come haev sex with you? I don’t want to know the nature of the relationship, just have you just needed some and called up a suitor to handle it?

SexyCool

April 18th, 2011
3:38 pm

Other hood happenings – chick knocked on my door at 9p last night and asked me how much I paid for my house.

Celisea

April 18th, 2011
3:38 pm

Raqi – The discussion came up with the class of young adults as a copule of the 18/19 year olds are virgins and feeling pressured to give it up. My pastor took ‘em back a few years and introduced to how we use to do it. I dunno….I felt proud of them wanting to hold to a standard. :)

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:38 pm

SexyCool, did you move into a bad area?

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
3:39 pm

@PR ~ I been caught on to that. No sweat You’re not the only one. Two particular bloggers relish doing that, but only one posts to me.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:39 pm

Ladies when does no mean no and when does no mean “take it”?

Celisea

April 18th, 2011
3:40 pm

within and couple….typos…ya’ll be easy

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
3:40 pm

@PR ~ I have.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:41 pm

Leggs, I have not seen my other muse. So I bother you now because I know you won’t take it personally. :)

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
3:41 pm

OMG, SexyV ~ really. WOW, that’s hudtzpah (sp?)

SexyCool

April 18th, 2011
3:43 pm

I moved into a “transitioning” area.

Lotsa buppies in my neighborhood, a few older people, a couple of young white families, some renters, the neighborhood drunk/homeless dude, some teenagers hanging out on the corner.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:43 pm

Leggs 3:40 is sexy!

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
3:44 pm

Sheesh, SexyC, SexyC!!!!

@PR ~ I don’t take it personally from you because you’re not nasty and finger pointing with your questions. As has always been said, it’s all about the delivery of the question/statement!

Raqi V

April 18th, 2011
3:44 pm

Celisea, one thing I do know about myself personally, while I did not obey every single thing my parents taught me, that they did teach me kept me out of way more trouble than I did get into. That’s why I teach my babies. No matter what I did do wrong they need and deserve to be instilled with how I was taught and more.

Like I told my son the other day, life is life and yes some days may seem dull because other kids are allowed to do XYZ. But believe me there will come a day when you will appreciate not getting into certain things. There are some horrible things you can get into you will not be able to get out of.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:45 pm

SexyCool, is it a “sub-division” or a metro area?

Raqi V

April 18th, 2011
3:45 pm

SexyCool, transitioning for the better I assume?

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:46 pm

Leggs, the voices in my pants are telling me to flirt with you now :)

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
3:48 pm

I laughed this morning when you typed “voices in my pants!”

@SexyC ~ did she introduce herself first? How did you answer her?

SexyCool

April 18th, 2011
3:49 pm

Metro area. And yes, for the better. APD now does daily foot patrols. Although, it’s actually pretty quiet. A Walmart is planned for less than a mile away. Lots of good things happening in the neighborhood.

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
3:51 pm

PR ~ tell the voices to stop talking to you.

SexyCool

April 18th, 2011
3:56 pm

She just said that she and her husband were looking to buy in the area and that they had seen the For Sale sign, but by that time there was already a contract and she just wondered how much I ended up paying for it.

I told her. Because if she really wants to find out, she can. Trust me, I know how much all of my neighbors paid for their houses, how many square feet they have, what their taxes were for the last three years, how much their solid waste bill was last year and all of the names of the property owners in the area. There is a site that you can go on that gives you a summary of all the police activity in the area and so on…..

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
3:59 pm

Leggs, tell them yourself. LOL

SexyCool, your process went really quick I thought it was going to be the end of the summer, maybe I read it wrong. How’s the puppy?

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
4:01 pm

Touche, PR, Touche!!!!

SexyCool

April 18th, 2011
4:03 pm

I made the first offer on January 31st. Submitted highest and best on February 9th. Went under contract on February 18th. Closed April 5th.

GiGi is growing and driving me crazy. I went back to walking her every day on Friday. Gave her the chicken and rice yesterday. Will be at the vet’s office by Thursday if the bulkiness has not returned.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 18th, 2011
4:04 pm

“Depending on the situation, yeah, some women can handle it better than men, even in the sexual department!”

You know I luvs me some Leggs, but from my experience, that ↑ is some bullisht… :lol: Ladies almost never get shot down, but even in committed relationships, dudes get turned down for sex all the time. We may pout for a minute, but then we grab a beer & watch the game & that’s that. I can remember 2 times in my life when I’ve rejected my girl (when in a committed relationship) and both times, you’d have thunk I slapped her mama — with The Matterhorn. :lol: It was all incredulity & threats: “Oh, we’ll see what happens the next time YOU want some then…”, etc… C’mon, now…

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
4:05 pm

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
4:06 pm

Ladies who here has been rejected by a man sexually? Put your hand down Simple Man!

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 18th, 2011
4:08 pm

:lol: D@mn, Purple, that was cold-blooded. Funny, but cold-blooded… :lol:

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
4:09 pm

Swiss, he will usually come out when I start chirping on him. LOL

For Real

April 18th, 2011
4:10 pm

DAYUM!!!! Purp!!!! Funny tho…..

Chink

April 18th, 2011
4:12 pm

PR I have when I was pregnant but he said he didn’t want to hurt the baby…that count? I still felt rejected!

Leggs

April 18th, 2011
4:13 pm

“Ladies almost never get shot down” – I did say that. PR kept yapping in my ear.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
4:15 pm

Chink, yes I guess that counts. Is that even possible?

For Real, LOL

For Real

April 18th, 2011
4:16 pm

Ding-Dong….

Sexcool: Oh look it’s our first welcome to the neighborhood. TheDude put your shirt on and why did you wear those sock and zip your pants up! Hello and good evening I’m Sexcool and this is TheDude. And what’s your name?

Lady Cross da Way: Lady Cross da Way. Look here I was wondering how much you paid for you house cause Imma be mad to def if I paid more. Hey your old man good at fixing ish? I need my garage doe fixed. Um yall wouldn’t happen to have a extra garage door opener would you? Wow that smells good what yall cooking for dinner? Smells like some African ish. Can you run me to sto? Child I’m out of pads and I’m on the second turn with this one unless you got some you can let me borrow.

Purple Rain

April 18th, 2011
4:18 pm

For Real, okay the pad thing even grossed me out! Good Job!

SexyCool

April 18th, 2011
4:18 pm

Chink

April 18th, 2011
4:20 pm

PR

No that’s why I felt bad and un sexy but hey I think he knew what I was having so maybe there was a mental block ..oh well

Simple Man!!!!

April 18th, 2011
4:21 pm

Damn Purp….Whats up with that!!!

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 18th, 2011
4:22 pm

Hey, it worked!