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When should you decline a date offer?

I used to get so frustrated with one of my friends because she would accept any and every offer for a date.  It’s great that she is friendly and approachable, I think more women should be! However, she doesn’t seem to have figured out when to turn a date down.

Even though my friend claims to be drawn to a specific type of guy, she welcomes and encourages the polar opposite to pursue her. When things don’t work out she is confused, shocked even.

She thinks I should try it her way more.  She asked me why I didn’t give the guy on Marta -  (a loud man with a tear drop tattoo under his eye) my phone number.  Of course, I could tell we weren’t a match but this was using that whole “judging a book by it’s tattooed cover” logic.  I told her that I’m pretty sure I’m way too boring for him!  Despite his persistent, profanity-laced attempts to get my number, I declined.

Maybe I could adopt her ways more ….and maybe she could try to be more selective.  I’m a firm believer in dating someone compatible with you but that can’t always be determined in a span of a Marta train ride.

When is it appropriate to decline a date or pass on someone who is vying for your attention?

When you figure out someone is not a good match, isn’t the polite thing to do is say no? How do you handle it when you have to let someone know you’re not willing to date them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

283 comments Add your comment

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
10:47 am

Exactly, Rock.

Red, he already owns a home that has a tenant.

For Real

April 15th, 2011
10:47 am

“He doesn’t think you need to have any, that if you can’t pay for it cash, then you need to leave whatever it is it where it is.” – I agree, with debt card now being accepted around the world, just open bank account and put the funds into that account.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
10:49 am

SexyC — I agree with you, but I understand Dude’s sentiment. But you can still have a card & still follow Dude’s mantra. Just because you have credit cards, doesn’t mean you have to run up balances. Just use them as a replacement for cash — i.e. pay off the full balance every month. It’s convenient & it helps build your credit rating. Plus, you have some purchase protection in some cases, some offer rewards programs, etc.

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
10:50 am

@SexyC ~ you should have at least one credit card. I also agree with TheDude, pay for things with cash. However, you should have a credit card for emergencies.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:50 am

Licking and chewing panties? Do you have pica? LOL

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
10:51 am

‘There is no reason for a married woman to have a shake weight’

Purp – that’s what I was thinking…seems especially strange to put it on your Wedding Registry. :???:

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2011
10:51 am

Red, he already owns a home that has a tenant.

So he paid cash for that? (entirely possible) What is he living in? I need more info. :lol:

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
10:52 am

For Real — Have you seen where a lot of the big banks are threatening to “cap” debit card transactions at $50 per transaction if the new restrictions of swipe fees for debit cards go through? Greedy muff__ers….

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
10:53 am

P-lito – that’s the one I have.

I told him that having at least one credit card where you can demonstrate the ability to manage credit is good for raising your credit score. He says that if we just pay the mortgage on time then my credit score will be just fine.

What is frustrating me is that he is mad that I’m not seeing it his way, that my thought process is wrong. I told him that one way or the other is not right or wrong it’s just different. And what is really most important is that I consistently make sound financial decisions, whether it be cash or credit.

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
10:56 am

@SexyC ~ it’s your credit card and he’s asking you to get rid of it? Or are you talking to him about opening a joint credit card account???

Tancred

April 15th, 2011
10:56 am

“Despite his persistent, profanity-laced attempts to get my number, I declined.”

Sounds like a black guy. I say that because since moving here 10 years ago, I’ve had lots of time to observe human behavior, and since I live ITP and work right across from Five Points, I see mostly black folks on my commute and my walks around work. I’m amazed at the brazen, in-your-face manner of many black men as they hound, harass, and comment upon random women. I’m always seeing them shouting out of moving cars at women, doing all they can to get their cell #. My female coworkers cannot avoid comments about their rear ends when they go to get some coffee. It seems totally accepted as “normal” behavior by a lot of women, with some even stopping to give their # willingly. It’s a culture of aggressive, sexually charged harassment, and I don’t think I’m out-of-bounds saying that it’s a generally negative aspect of downtown ATL. Of “black” ATL to be honest. It seems to be a part of an overall abandonment of the idea of treating women with respect. Am I wrong here? Sometimes it’s not just the cover, but the audio that goes along with it.

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
10:56 am

‘There is something about some people’s natural aromatic essence that draws you to them. It’s called true chemistry. Animal magnetism.”

Raqi – You are absolutely right about that. I love the way Beau smells and he is always talking about how he misses my smell when i’m not around.

‘You know you done sniffed your wife’s panties pillow before when she wasn’t looking because you love her natural woman scent. Don’t lie’

Now that is funny but on the real, folks DO do that….What I find awkward is when you CATCH the dude smelling ‘the female remnants’, say from his falanges or something. I thought yall grew out of that after graduating from HS. Guess it’s the human equivalent to dogs sniffing each others azzez

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2011
10:57 am

I have two credit cards. Got my first my freshman year of college, my 2nd my senior year. I didn’t go crazy with it, never missed a payment on it (when I carry a balance) or defaulted on it. When it was time to buy my house (at 29 – 10 years of credit history) it was a breeze to get qualified because I didn’t have to jump thru hoops for verification and such.

In my opinion, it’s better to have a solid and established credit history, even if you have the means to never use it. Folks who have built empires do a lot of it through credit, borrowing etc.

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2011
10:57 am

Don’t feed the trolls today please!

For Real

April 15th, 2011
10:58 am

Swiss: Yeah I saw that but I knew that was coming because more people are opening acct and treating them as their credit card accounts without the interest and finance charges.

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
10:58 am

My credit card.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:59 am

SlimN, I have side eyed many wedding registries. I knew this couple that had lived together for 5 years and had a very nice home. When they got married they all kinds of high dollars cookware and whatnot on there. What had they been using those 5 years and why did getting married give the right to ask folks for new/better stuff? That pot was good enough to boil water for your boyfriend, does he need a better pot because he is now your husband?

We didn’t have a wedding registry and didn’t really expect any gifts. Most people gave us money and some gave us some “couple gifts”.

IMO registries are for people just starting out and needing to build a home without breaking the bank. If you good and grown and already moved out of your parents house you should have established a well working home.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
10:59 am

And there’s a joke to be made here; but I won’t.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
11:02 am

@Raqi

Why hate on the come-up?

I might want the 8 slice toaster, instead of the two 4 slice toasters we got. Plus, you wasn’t screaming all that “breaking the bank” jazz at that costly arse reception when you was dranking and eating for free.

#howsoontheyforget

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2011
11:03 am

He says that if we just pay the mortgage on time then my credit score will be just fine.

So he believes in credit, just not credit cards. It will probably ding your credit more if you closed the account that’s already open anyway. What’s the big deal now that the credit card already exists?

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
11:03 am

Rock – I feel the same way about registries and such.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
11:03 am

SlimN, yep men are just dogs like that. LOL But I will admit to being b!tch (female dog) and rolling over onto the hub’s side of the bed and taking a nice whiff of his lingering essence when he gets up sometimes.

I have seen the hub on more than a few occasions put my cami to his face if I leave it lying on the bed. LOL

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
11:09 am

Dan, what? First of all that hellavu reception was a gift from our brothers. Neither one of us asked for it nor knew about it until the day before we got married.

And secondly, boy stop. You just mad you weren’t invited. LOL Just kidding.

But I take it that you are thinking about getting married and have a registry in place. Do you my brotha. I just gave my opinion.

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
11:11 am

‘That pot was good enough to boil water for your boyfriend, does he need a better pot because he is now your husband?’

Raqi – :lol: Great point though. I’m one of those folks who buys all the cheap miscellaneous stuff off registries anyway. Or you could always go with the infamous Gift Card. ;-)

And as far as being a bytch as well, I love wearing a t-shirt he’s had on. But with all that said, if I meet a dude and his body chemistry does not fare well on my sniff-o-meter, then it will definitely turn me off. It’s happened before where I met a dude and i think he had some grocery store cologne on. Ewwwww YUCK

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
11:12 am

And thirdly, asking for something versus just being gifted something does not compare.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
11:14 am

@Raqi

Good for you on having someone throw you a reception.

Purple Rain

April 15th, 2011
11:14 am

Tancred it sounds like you just described me and I am not black.

SexyCool, I am sure he will come around sooner than later. I know its your card but it’s in the same house hld so a joint decision. I am glad you discussed it with him and did not fall into the “well it’s my card, and it’s not yours so I am going to keep it!” you home will be blessed just because of the way you are thinking now.

Slim,SexyCool, Raqi…what is wrong with enjoying the taste and smell of a woman, I know some women that like the taste of themselves. You know when you catch a man enjoying your juices or smell it turns you on. And don’t even get me started on licking her toes while she wears open toed high heeled shoes

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
11:18 am

Purp – I don’t believe I was voicing a complaint on a guy enjoying the smell/tastes of a woman…Frankly, I welcome it :oops: I know i’d much rather him like it than to get up from down there with the boo-boo gas face tombout he forgot to turn the stove off and needs to leave to go home :shock:

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
11:18 am

@Raqi

The registry has been and is to my mind a “wish list” of sorts. Of course we’ve all known people that use it as a come-up (really my dude, an X-box 360? ReallY?). But the list is merely suggested items as far as I’m concerned.

I wouldn’t expect someone to do more than they could or ask them to do more than they wanted.

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
11:18 am

@Raqi V ~ sounds like he’s thinking about a registry so he can offset that 4-slice toaster he already received (lol).

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2011
11:18 am

I know its your card but it’s in the same house hld so a joint decision.

That’s a good point.

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
11:21 am

Yeah, ARed, must admit that is a good point.

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
11:22 am

Tancred – Um, I work in a very male dominated environment and believe you me, they are all pretty much just as nasty/fresh/inappropriate…and it isn’t confined to just black guys.

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
11:24 am

The reason I’m not fond of registries is that, for me, the stuff that I want usually costs more than I’m comfortable *expecting* folks to come out of pocket for. You know…all the upgraded stuff.

I’d rather just make do and upgrade (paying cash) as I go.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
11:24 am

SlimN, gift giving for wedding is customary and that I get. And I get that registries a made up so people will know what you need and you don’t end up with five 8 slice toasters. But my beef has been with those that I know personally (at you Dan) that have nice things already or just are too cheap to buy what they really want but look for others to do it for them.

Heck if I want a set of 1200ct Egyptian cotton linen I go get it. Or save up for it and then go get it.

Some folks are just fine sleeping on some rough-arse 250ct Walmart originals and too cheap to do better but since they find themselves in position to have someone else pay the price for the best they put it on a “registry” making their friends and family fell obligated to get it.

I think the feeling of obligation and asking for stuff you won’t buy for your ownself is what rubs me the wrong way. And I am a gift giving fanatic.

jw

April 15th, 2011
11:25 am

If you or your buddy let a man talk to you like that – then are stupid enough to give him your number – you kinda get what you know is coming – that’s abuse waiting to happen! No person should be degraded to the point of giving in to some low life clown. No male should do that to anyone.

You are right – you have to draw the line – can’t trust folks anymore for anything – and there are some signals that should send up great big RED FLAGS to stay away. Using your MARTA buddy as an example – if he is going to trash you to bits to guilt or anger you out of a phone number – you can expect he isn’t going away anytime soon – even if you stall, he will become a stalker type and create an air of discontent that you nor your friend ever should have to put up with. It is with great certainty that you will have trouble with that individual – and will eventually have to have the police get involved – those types should never, ever, never, never ever get a shot at dating decent people – sorry, folks like that ruin it for everyone.

Steven Q. Stanley

April 15th, 2011
11:28 am

After 30 a woman should never decline a date under normal circumstances, any man willing to go out with you is a keeper. Beggars can’t be choosers.

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
11:29 am

And along comes Stanley with some comic relief. I needed that laugh.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
11:30 am

Dan, this me closing that door and walking away because I don’t get why you have a problem with what the brothers did for me and my hub and we didn’t ask for it. I am sorry you having to pay for something you would rather not. I am sorry.

Celisea

April 15th, 2011
11:30 am

Steven Steven Steven, that was fuuuneee…great for a Friday, along with my Andre Crouch at my desk…lol I needed that laugh.

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
11:32 am

But Stanley, she didn’t beg for him to ask her out…he did it voluntarily!!!! Therefore, she has the right to be choosey. :wink:

Celisea

April 15th, 2011
11:35 am

Steven don’t make me have to close my door…you silly man

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
11:39 am

@Raqi

No, no, no.

That wasn’t me having a problem with anything. I think it’s wonderful.

In fact, I’m jealous.

No, Raqi, that wasn’t what that was.

Steven Q. Stanley

April 15th, 2011
11:41 am

The other option is to get ready for spinsterhood and start collecting cats.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
11:42 am

Oh, and I pay for what I want (and what will be in use for a long time).

Where I get to pinching Mr. Lincoln til his nose bleeds is the little stuff. The, we’re only going to be here/do this/(and the worse arugment to make to me)live life once.

Beds, appliances, cars, homes, sheets, towels, food, etc. I pay for what I want.

jones

April 15th, 2011
11:45 am

Tancred soooooooooooooo true!!!!!!! but SAD

Purple Rain

April 15th, 2011
11:46 am

Marry an Italian, it is customary to just give money, big money and that is it!

“Hundreds on the table twenties on the flooooooor”- Jeezy

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
11:48 am

That wasn’t me having a problem with anything. I think it’s wonderful

Dan, then I am sorry for the way I responded. I just went back and read your two comments and I still read them as you having a problem with it but I apologize for my misinterpretation of what you wrote.

Hey I about to go make a turkey sandwich for myself and some cheese toast and chicken nuggets for the baby, you want some? LOL

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
11:52 am

I want some purple drank.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
11:54 am

@Raqi

I won’t say that “paying for your own wedding/reception blows or suuucckks”, because it’s a blessing to be about to do so. And I don’t use emoticons, because, well, I’m from Adamsville.

However, that statement was meant to playingly sarcastic