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When should you decline a date offer?

I used to get so frustrated with one of my friends because she would accept any and every offer for a date.  It’s great that she is friendly and approachable, I think more women should be! However, she doesn’t seem to have figured out when to turn a date down.

Even though my friend claims to be drawn to a specific type of guy, she welcomes and encourages the polar opposite to pursue her. When things don’t work out she is confused, shocked even.

She thinks I should try it her way more.  She asked me why I didn’t give the guy on Marta -  (a loud man with a tear drop tattoo under his eye) my phone number.  Of course, I could tell we weren’t a match but this was using that whole “judging a book by it’s tattooed cover” logic.  I told her that I’m pretty sure I’m way too boring for him!  Despite his persistent, profanity-laced attempts to get my number, I declined.

Maybe I could adopt her ways more ….and maybe she could try to be more selective.  I’m a firm believer in dating someone compatible with you but that can’t always be determined in a span of a Marta train ride.

When is it appropriate to decline a date or pass on someone who is vying for your attention?

When you figure out someone is not a good match, isn’t the polite thing to do is say no? How do you handle it when you have to let someone know you’re not willing to date them?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

283 comments Add your comment

Retired Old Atlantan.

April 15th, 2011
8:01 am

Where is everyone this morning? Working on your tax return? (You’ve got all weekend.)

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
8:09 am

Morning morning this morning good morning

My best friend and I were discussing this very topic just the other day. We have a mutual friend who seems to reek of desperation for finding a guy but doesn’t seem to know when to say NO. We tried to ’save’ her in the club once from what obviously looked to be an uncomfortable situation and yet she still continued to entertain him….We left well enough, alone and got back to having a good arse time. Oh well…

CoolShadow

April 15th, 2011
8:20 am

When is it appropriate to decline a date or pass on someone who is vying for your attention?

Is this a trick question?

Personally, I’d rather a woman decline my offer is she’s not really interested, that’ll save me time, hope and money, though not necessarily in that order. And in some cases, her rejection may be a blessing in disguise; over time you may discover that you wished you never approached her. So her rejection could be a mechanism for “saving you from yourself” although you may not realize it at the time.

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
8:58 am

We are off to a slow start I see. Yaaawwwwwwn!

Ok I know a bit early for a random vent but for whatever reason, I find it HI LAR IOUS to see a Shake Weight on someone’s Wedding Registry :shock: :lol:

Black and White Smiley Faces ☺☻

April 15th, 2011
9:00 am

You should decline a date offer when you know it is someone:

a) Who isn’t appealing, is crude & obnoxious, only wants sex, etc.
b) Who appears to be a troublemaker
c) Who appears to be irresponsible and a womanizer

A gentleman should do the same, but kindly and with candor (be honest and say you’re not interested but be respectful as much as possible)

Now, I don’t mean reject a man or woman simply because you don’t want to give them the chance to know you better.

But, separate the riff-raff from the “ok” people.

Don’t ever string anybody along. Please don’t say yes to guys just so you can have a “friend” when you know the whole time you have no intention of letting them be more than that.

Just my $.02.

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
9:05 am

Good morning.

@WD ~ When is it appropriate to decline a date or pass on someone who is vying for your attention? You did right to not give your number to the profanity-laced, tear drop tattoo person on Marta. However, that was a funny little read.

Nick Cannon

April 15th, 2011
9:19 am

“I find it HI LAR IOUS to see a Shake Weight on someone’s Wedding Registry”

Slim — Now there’s a bride who’s serious about pleasing her man on the honeymoon… ;-) :lol:

Sugar

April 15th, 2011
9:21 am

OFF Topic . I have been talking to this guy on the phone for about three weeks, not seen him since I met him…but when we were getting off the phone yesterday he ended saying “I love you” ..I just took it as a “slip pf the tongue” sort of speak & he didnt mean to say it. Does those words roll off guys tongue so easily. I didnt need to respond since it was soo quick.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
9:25 am

GOT D@MMIT! Nick Cannon just hijacked my laptop!

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
9:28 am

Sugar — If he’s so accustomed to ending phone calls with “love you” that he just let it slip… then he just might be married. Just sayin’…

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
9:29 am

D@mn… that was a lot of “justs”

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
9:29 am

You have the right to decline anyone’s invitation at any time for anything.

Where people get throwed is the manner they do it.

As for being open to engaging anyone in conversation, there’s some truth to “thinking outside the (self-imposed) box”. Okay, so the dude (or chick) with the tear drop tattoo may not have been the one; but maybe the skinny kid with the funny name that asks you out could be.

Would you know because (s)he’s not your type? Or would you offer him [her] the opportunity to prove your assumptions incorrect.

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
9:40 am

Nick – How is using a shake weight going to improve on Man Pleasing skills?

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
9:44 am

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 15th, 2011
9:45 am

@Slim: you.did.not.just.ask.that.

not you

For Real

April 15th, 2011
9:47 am

“Even though my friend claims to be drawn to a specific type of guy, she welcomes and encourages the polar opposite to pursue her. When things don’t work out she is confused, shocked even.” – Irrational people make irrational decisions and your friend will continue to make irrational decision until her light comes on.

As for when to turn down a date. It’s simple, if you don’t like what you see, if you don’t like what hear and if you don’t like what you smell then turn the dayum date down. It ain’t rocket science.

Oh and Shout Out to Huggie Lowdown for this funny ish: “Donald Trump aka Toupee Fiasco”

SlimNumeroUno

April 15th, 2011
9:47 am

Sorry Dan for asking

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
9:53 am

Sugar – anybody that you have been only conversing on the phone with and have not seen in the three weeks since you met him has another woman or other women plural in his life.

The “I love you” is one of two things – what he says when he gets off the phone with the person who he is really in a relationship with or it’s a set-up. He’s trying to see where you are emotionally, if you’re weak enough to fall for the okey-doke so that he can somehow take advantage of you. (Trust. I have experienced this firsthand.)

czBrat

April 15th, 2011
9:54 am

HiYas!

i generally say “no” just because, but i’m polite about it. if a dude is interested enough and persistent enough, he may eventually get a “yes”. but if we’re not vibing on the first date, there is no second date. period. at the risk of stinging with rejection, like CoolShadow said, snipping it early saves everyone time, effort and missed opportunities.

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
9:55 am

Don’t accept a date when his breath/body smells. (Run away from homeless dudes.)

sugar

April 15th, 2011
10:02 am

HE could be “involved” I know he has a daughter that he talks to often, just find it odd it would slip just like that. Thanks for input

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
10:02 am

Don’t accept a date when he has a jealous wife or a wife period. (That could get messy.)

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
10:06 am

Speaking of doing things out of habit when you’re married/attached… My buddy & I had one of our regular beer tennis challenges over the weekend & as we were walking back to my car to leave, I had to catch myself to keep from walking over to the passenger side & opening the door for him… :lol: Doh!

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
10:11 am

@Sugar ~ he’s eager to please (lol).

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
10:11 am

Swizzie…too funny.

I was with my sister going to the mall one day and I automatically stepped to the side to let her open the door for me. (lol)

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:12 am

There are 4 simple reasons to just say no.

1. You are obligated to accept anyone’s, no matter who they are, invitation just because they asked.

2. When it’s someone you know that is not available and you should not be dealing with

3. When there is Zero attraction and/or interest there. Don’t waste your time and theirs. Don’t do pity dates and string him/her along.

4. When you have dated this person’s kind before and you know it will be toxic. No matter how much they get your juices flowing Just Say No. Avoid the fallout that you know is going to eventually take place.

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
10:13 am

Don’t accept a date if he has *butter* on his teeth.

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
10:13 am

OMG, Swiss, that was hysterical. I had to cover my mouth to prevent from laughing too loudly.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:14 am

You are NOT obligated….

Dang I am starting out wrong this morning. LOL

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
10:19 am

Leggs — I assume you’re referring to the video I linked?

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
10:21 am

I’ve got a “Big Jim” over here with your name on it, Leggs:lol:

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
10:22 am

Yes, swiss, I’m referring to the linked video. When it squirted I fell out laughing into my hand.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:24 am

You’ve got mail.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:26 am

Leggs, I laughed out loud also. When that thing shaky weight first came on the scene my sister-friends and I said it looks like a learning device for giving a handjob. Especially the commercial where the woman is holding it out in front of her. LOL

Leggs

April 15th, 2011
10:31 am

Only South Park!!!

@Raqi V ~ I’ve never seen a commerical for this device. The entire concept is funny!

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
10:32 am

“Don’t do pity dates and string him/her along.”

Raqi — You left off 1 part: “Unless said pity date will also include a pity f__k. In that case, carry on.”

Purple Rain

April 15th, 2011
10:33 am

If she is pushing a stroller with a kid, has a kid i a backpack and she has one that is walking holding her hand just say no.

If you are at the beach and she has razor bumps down there just say no.

If you can “smell” her just say no

If she is on her cycle say no…not today.

If her ex husband is a stalker just say no

Just say no for the hell of it sometimes, because women do not handle rejection very well and it is funny to watch.

If she has a tattoo on her neck just say no.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
10:34 am

Anybody have a pick-up truck & wanna help me pick up a grill from Home Depot this weekend? All the burgers, brats, beer & booze you can consume in return…

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 15th, 2011
10:35 am

“Just say no for the hell of it sometimes, because women do not handle rejection very well and it is funny to watch.”

+1

:lol:

Purple Rain

April 15th, 2011
10:37 am

There is no reason for a married woman to have a shake weight

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:38 am

Leggs, maybe I should say Infomercial. In my very recent past I have had many late nights not being able to sleep so I see a lot infomercials just flipping thru the channels.

Purple Rain

April 15th, 2011
10:41 am

Swiss, it would take me to long to get there for you to use my truck. LOL

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
10:42 am

TheDude and I are disagreeing on a financial matter. I believe that you should have at least one credit card. He doesn’t think you need to have any, that if you can’t pay for it cash, then you need to leave whatever it is it where it is.

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2011
10:42 am

Happy Friday All -

It’s okay to be selective… more people should be.

I’d reevaluate if all my reasons for declining were “petty” (not tall enough, don’t like his shoes). The character of a person takes a while to determine, but even initial meetings will give you clues. Don’t dismiss someone who appears to be of good character just because you’re wrapped up in the packaging.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:42 am

If you can “smell” her just say no

PurpleR, you should have said “If you can “smell her and she smells bad” just say no. LOL

There is something about some people’s natural aromatic essence that draws you to them. It’s called true chemistry. Animal magnetism. LOL

You know you done sniffed your wife’s panties pillow before when she wasn’t looking because you love her natural woman scent. Don’t lie. LOL

SexyCool

April 15th, 2011
10:44 am

P-lito is the one that licks the panties.

Raqi V

April 15th, 2011
10:45 am

SexyCool, you should always have a credit card for emergencies. What if you need a major car repair? Wouldn’t he rather put $2,000 on a credit card and pay it off over 3 or 4 months rather than having your bank account take a $2,000 hit? Give him that example.

AmazonRed™

April 15th, 2011
10:45 am

He doesn’t think you need to have any, that if you can’t pay for it cash, then you need to leave whatever it is it where it is.

That works for folks who deal in the “hustler” mentality. Has he ever owned a home before? Being responsible with credit does you more good than it does harm.

For Real

April 15th, 2011
10:45 am

“All the burgers, brats, beer & booze you can consume in return…” – Swiss I’m available to to consume all the burger, brats, beer & booze you can afford. Just let me know when. Oh and I’m going to be on my bike so I will require a nights stay at your house as well. Oh and since I will not have any clothes I’ll need to borrow some from you. Oh and if your wife has a twin, a sister, friend, cousin or auntie that looks like her I will require you to arrange for them to sleep over with me.

For Real now wondering if Swiss will figure out that he doesn’t have a truck.

Purple Rain

April 15th, 2011
10:46 am

Raqi you are correct some smell good and do you have a hidden cam I sniff, smell and chew on my wifes panties..most times they are still on her when that happens lol

SexyCool, I think every home needs an American Express card, just in case. And just pay it off at the end of the month.