Relationships: Dial down the hero complex?
There are times when we are most attracted to the people that really need us. I think it’s especially true with men, who seem to have an innate need to protect and provide. I often wonder how that drives the way we select mates.
Do you think that we have a little bit of the hero complex dynamic playing out in our relationships?
When I think of hero complex, I imagine someone who gets extreme pleasure from rescuing (perceived or otherwise) someone they are dating. Whether it is financially, emotionally, or whatever need you believe you can and should fulfill – it’s what appeals to you.
Have you ever gone through a hero complex phase? Everyone you dated was a “project,” or was someone you swooped in and saved from uncertain disaster. How did that play out when they no longer needed to be rescued?
Everyone wants to feel needed, but how can you tell when your desire to be needed is actually problematic because you have to be the”hero?”
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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274 comments Add your comment
SexyCool
April 14th, 2011
2:47 pm
That’s a bet, kimmie.
SexyCool
April 14th, 2011
2:48 pm
Or actually, should have said….”For sure!!!”
Celisea
April 14th, 2011
2:51 pm
Sexy – Yes he’s very handsome but he looks boyish,not “manly” at all. Maybe that why he looks funny to Raqi..lol
kimmie
April 14th, 2011
2:51 pm
I remember when I moved in my house I became a home improvement junkie. And a yard/grass junkie. I would spend much time discussing different types of grass with my boss! I was out in the yard all the time caring for my lawn like it was a baby. Other people in the neighborhood wanted grass like mine!
Yes, that stuff can be exciting!
Celisea
April 14th, 2011
2:51 pm
Okay, I’m having to have my session with my manager via telepresence…great, now we can see each other on big screen.
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
2:55 pm
PurpleR, if you can wait until the end of the year I may be able to sell you ours. LOL
To make our move easier I have been contemplating on what we will be taking and what we will be giving away and/or selling. Being that we have long haul move I am willing get new furniture for some rooms. Don’t really have the funds to do so but I will be okay with some rooms being empty for a while.
Come November I am going to get one of the PODS and start boxing and packing stuff in there. That way by December I will have everything packed and ready for pickup.
The hub is undecided as to whether he wants to be here or there for Christmas. All I know is I don’t want to be dealing with unpacking boxes that are not gifts (LOL) during the Christmas season. So either we move the end of November or the beginning of January.
Heck just sitting here thinking about it, let’s just cancel the move. LOL
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
2:57 pm
he looks boyish,not “manly” at all
Celisea, yeah kind of like the karate kid dude when I saw him DWTS who looks like an old little kid.
Nick Cannon just looks “little”, ungrown. LOL
SexyCool
April 14th, 2011
3:08 pm
This is my refrigerator!
We got a $400 credit on it after I wrote an email to the VP of Customer Services because of the customer service failures on the salesman’s fault and a lie he told.
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
3:13 pm
That’s nice. But I always imagined you as a stainless steel kinda girl.
Lord Velonese
April 14th, 2011
3:14 pm
You know if I wanted to be a smart A about this, I could say the next time a woman flags me down to help change her tire for her or car trouble, I could slow down and say “Wise Diva said to tone down my hero complex, sorry”. Thats what I do people who think they know better
SexyCool
April 14th, 2011
3:19 pm
LOL – We looked at those. Specifically, one that had black sides because all of the existing appliances are black. We were even offered a $2000 (returned) one for the same $600 that we paid for the original one that we purchased. However, it was a French door model which I am not fond of, so I passed on it.
This one has all of the features that I wanted – side by side, ice maker bin sits in the door and is Energy Star. And this is one brand new. So…it worked out better than expected considering we were shopping at the outlet.
kimmie
April 14th, 2011
3:20 pm
Scool – Very nice. What was the lie?
AmazonRed™
April 14th, 2011
3:26 pm
Buying appliances…still something I have yet to do. New contruction meant appliances included.
Well, I did have to get a washer/dryer. But I just went on Craigslist and found a dealer. Got the whole set for like $400 and it works wonderfully (knock on wood)
SexyCool
April 14th, 2011
3:27 pm
Although we were in the store, the one that he sold us was available online. He first told us that he HAD to log in and make the purchase under his email address so that he could follow up in case there were any issues with the delivery and this way he would be able to offer us the best possible customer service. (Um, yeah…whatever, dude…you just wanna make sure you get credit for the sale.)
But the big lie was that it would be delivered on the 13th. When we got the confirmation email (forwarded to us from his email addy), the delivery was scheduled for the 20th. So…you know I had to have that addressed.
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
3:29 pm
French door model which I am not fond of
No. 236 way that we are not alike. LOL
SexyCool
April 14th, 2011
3:32 pm
The whole *freezer on the bottom* was the turn off for me. I just didn’t want to be bending over to get stuff out of the freezer.
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
3:32 pm
AmazonR, I had been using the washer and dryer that came with this house for years. When the time came to get a new set I got the front load washer set. I love, love, love it. Because I have the storage units underneath they set high which makes for comfortable loading and unloading.
But yeah, yeah, yeah I know, you don’t have 4 people living in your house. I wash more towels and shirts than what’s legal.
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
3:35 pm
SexyCool, yeah there’s the bending thing that is not fun but I just like those. Maybe because that is one of the things I remember about going to my grandmother’s house. She had a fridge with the freezer on the bottom. It did not look as nice as they do now but….
AmazonRed™
April 14th, 2011
3:35 pm
Raqi – I have fallen in love with several appliances, front loading washers/dryer included.
The price of them snaps me back to reality. Especially since I have enuf close and underwear to last me three weeks between loads!
DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"
April 14th, 2011
3:35 pm
So, what’s everyone doing this weekend? SexyC you gotta stay inside and clean up and unpack. I’ll be doing a white glove inspection Sunday. lol
Purple Rain
April 14th, 2011
3:38 pm
SexyCool TheDude would love you bending over to go in the freezer. LOL
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
3:41 pm
Amazon, you go 3 weeks without doing laundry? I would die. LOL
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
3:43 pm
Don’t you just hate when service and delivery personnel give you a 4 hours ETA. LOL Like I don’t have anything to do and can carve 4 hours out of my day for you to get here at 1:59 of your between 10am and 2pm window.
Well now I have the time, but when I was working it was just aggravating.
SexyCool
April 14th, 2011
3:44 pm
Red – I got my washer and dryer on Craigslist too. $250 from this dude who’d had them less than a year but was selling them because they bought a house that already had a set. Hell, he even delievered them. (lol)
However, I will be upgrading in about a year and a half or so.
AmazonRed™
April 14th, 2011
3:45 pm
Wow…that should have been “clothes” not “close” *cringe*
Yes, Raqi, it’s just me! So I can easily get by 3 weeks without washing! My friends with kids use their washing machines daily! Not looking forward to that. I hate hate hate putting clothes away!
SexyCool
April 14th, 2011
3:47 pm
Yep, Rock. I had an 8 – 12 window for my Direct TV installation on Saturday. Those knuckleheads showed up at 730 A.M. (On a frickin’ Saturday)
I started to make them wait until 8a to get started.
AmazonRed™
April 14th, 2011
3:50 pm
SCool – Craigslist is the best.
I want to say I spent closer to $250 for my set now that I think about it. Closing bled me dry. I know I didn’t have $400 sitting around for that purchase! LOL
AmazonRed™
April 14th, 2011
3:52 pm
Don’t you just hate when service and delivery personnel give you a 4 hours ETA.
Most places now will call you when they are on their way. Worked like that with my last appointments: Comcast and the plumber. I don’t live far from work, so when they call, that’s when I leave so I don’t have to take off.
Well, I work from home one day a week now too, so I can also schedule stuff for that day, as I’m not really supposed to be roaming the streets anyway. LOL
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
3:54 pm
LOL SexyCool, they went the opposite and came early. I think I can take that better than coming 2 minutes before the close of your time slot.
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
3:56 pm
AmazonR, I used to work about 10-12 minutes away but I hate when they cannot give you a more accurate time. If with them calling ahead made it hard for me schedule other stuff.
But like I said I don’t have that trouble now because I ain’t got no job.
AmazonRed™
April 14th, 2011
3:57 pm
But like I said I don’t have that trouble now because I ain’t got no job.
kimmie
April 14th, 2011
3:57 pm
Yeah, I would much rather they come early. I’ve been lucky that the last few appts I’ve had they came early.
Amred – That’s the nightmare about living so far from work. I usually have to take a half day!
Wazineh Suleiman
April 14th, 2011
3:59 pm
Try to see this from my perspective. My husband is a controlling jerk.
Leggs
April 14th, 2011
4:06 pm
Ok, so we are now on furniture. I just had some delivered this past Tuesday. Gave me a window of 8-12. Arrived at 10:15 and was finished by 10:45. I took the rest of the day off!
Purple Rain
April 14th, 2011
4:08 pm
Wazineh, you should have realized that and left before racking up debt and kids.
TenderRoni
April 14th, 2011
4:09 pm
I hate all men…well except one of my brothers, my nephew, and my dad. All others are so selffish.
Ok..venting over back to my lurking corner.
Purple Rain
April 14th, 2011
4:10 pm
TenderRoni, only with the exception of one of your brothers? That was funny to read. I hope you feel better and please stay away from Leggs during your bitterness. (still have my blog vest on)
DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"
April 14th, 2011
4:13 pm
I hate all men…
Dang Tender. Don’t cross over to the other side. Whatever it is, you’ll be aiiiight.
Purple Rain
April 14th, 2011
4:13 pm
Dreams, let her go. Don’t be a Hero
Leggs
April 14th, 2011
4:15 pm
@PR ~ please leave your vest on. I am fine, just sitting here laughing (although it’s Katy Bates’ laughter, I’m good)!!!!
TenderRoni
April 14th, 2011
4:15 pm
I know I will be alright…thanks Dreams.
@PRain- you are funny, thanks
Raqi V
April 14th, 2011
4:16 pm
TenderR, you are not alone darling, so do I.
Hub: (4:10pm) You mind if X and Y come for dinner?
Me: Did you already invite them? Well I guess I don’t have a choice do I?
AmazonR, I take that back, I do have a job. LOL
kimmie do you recommend baking pork chops while frozen seeing that lamb chops I took our earlier are not going to be enough?
Purple Rain
April 14th, 2011
4:20 pm
Raqi, clean them season them and wrap them in foil. You can bake frozen meats that way,
TenderRoni, come sit on my lap and tell me about it.
Leggs, stop laughing at me.
TenderRoni
April 14th, 2011
4:21 pm
@Raqi- been there done that too…the dinner will come together for you. Or they just better like what they get!
Purple Rain
April 14th, 2011
4:21 pm
One of my soul missions in life is to aggravate my little sisters as much as possible except when they are really hurt emotionally. Nobody else better never hurt them though…besides me. LOL
TenderRoni
April 14th, 2011
4:22 pm
P(dirty ole man)Rain- I’m not sitting no where near you….lol
kimmie
April 14th, 2011
4:22 pm
Raqi – Yes, what Purple said is true about the pork chops. They will be fine, just make sure they cook thru, which I know you will.
DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"
April 14th, 2011
4:22 pm
Dreams, let her go. Don’t be a Hero
Purp You’re right. I should just wish her well on her journey.
I know I will be alright…thanks Dreams.
Tender You’re welcome. I had a momentary lapse in selfishness. lol Ok, I’m back now…go make me a sammich.
Purple Rain
April 14th, 2011
4:22 pm
Tender I don’t want you near me I want you on me. There is a difference. LOL
Purple Rain
April 14th, 2011
4:23 pm
kimmie, I am glad we are not neighbors. We would be true foodies. LOL