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Relationship reality: When do you leave?

Before he became a published author, my friend Panama Jackson, co-author of “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm” was a guest of this blog! Here is when we discussed the reasons people don’t end bad relationships when they should:

Panama: I admit that I’ve firebombed a relationship or two in my day – we all have. However, over the course of time, you just get fed up with dating the wrong person. You finally accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, you two aren’t meant for each other.

Wise Diva: Yeah well, it only becomes crystal clear to some of us after a lot of blood, sweat, and tears, and maybe a few restraining orders. It seems as if we end up trying to fit a round peg into a square hole, not a good fit. So maybe it takes awhile to figure out that you are square and he is round.

Panama: I’ll never understand, for the life of me, why a woman will sit in a relationship for seven years with a man who has made it clear he’d rather marry a panda bear than her.

Wise Diva: You want to know why we wait for seven years? Because we just INVESTED a solid six of those years in you – someone we actually thought we loved. No, we probably shouldn’t have. Yes, you most likely weren’t really worth the wait, but we hold on in hopes that you are. So when it becomes painfully obvious that we were all wrong, it’s a tough reality check. We definitely can’t place all the blame on you, because sadly, we let it happen.

Panama: That’s a hard realization to make for some people because we all get caught up in that bogus ideal of how much time we’ve invested in a situation or person. Newsflash: Just because you’ve invested time into somebody doesn’t mean it was a good investment.

Wise Diva: Well, you got me with that one! So, why do we do it?

Panama: People are afraid of being alone. Terrified is probably a better term for it. So that fear will have you looking past red flags or making excuses for men who probably aren’t bad people, but aren’t being forced to be good men either. It’s really a messy situation.

Wise Diva: I wholeheartedly agree with you on that point. So would you say that this is applicable to men too?

Panama: It goes both ways. I don’t want to make it seem like women are the only ones making excuses or sticking around too long. People settle everyday, and its a shame that we end up settling because we’re afraid of being alone.

What do you guys think, do we sometimes hang on longer because we want a return on our investment? When do you cut your losses and bail out?

Is it about the time invested in a relationship or the actual relationship itself?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

157 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 7th, 2011
4:09 pm

And I’ve been a spitfire every since!LOL!!!
kimmie behind all that, I think you’re a softy. ;-)

Purple Rain

April 7th, 2011
4:20 pm

I think kimmie would be the most dedicated wife with no mental games played with the man…if there were such a woman…but there is not. LOL

kimmie

April 7th, 2011
4:27 pm

Dreams – You are right, I am a softy. But I act up when I have to!LOL!!

Purple – Very dedicated, as I am already. But that’s because I’m being met with the same amount of dedication!

And with that gang, I am out! Have a good one!

ASB

April 7th, 2011
4:42 pm

@Simple Man!!!!, thank you and it is much needed…

@DreamsMaterialize “Free Me-Lo”, I know a lot about family law and have seen many cases of unfairness to non-custodial parents.

@NY state of mind. Apparently, she didn’t want the divorce. From his words, she filed for divorce to put him in check and never had any intention on following through with it. She has, at times, made things difficult. She also told her children not to be nice to me. However, I still treat them well because I know she is manipulating them.

@Purple Rain, you may be right about me being afraid. He also mention that his life is messed up (but used a word starting with f) and that if he did away with himself we could all enjoy his life insurance.

ASB

April 7th, 2011
4:48 pm

He has stated that I just want what I want (marriage and family) and he is supposed to fall in line. It doesn’t matter who it hurts. (talking about his first set of children). And, he sees signs in our relationship similar to his marriage such as her putting the children first.

Simple Man!!!!

April 7th, 2011
5:00 pm

ABS…To sum up all of teh days comments, You have some serious choices to make…Either you are going to swallow all that you are and tow his line because thats just teh way he demands it, or you are going to look in the mirror find the strength to do what you have to do to make YOU happy… Don’t let him cloud matters with stories about the kids or what ever… Seeems to me like you have given enough time for you to demand that he get on or get ghost….

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 7th, 2011
5:10 pm

Alrighty then…

Hey Leggs, here’s an E.O.D. for ya — and it’s actually apropos:

“If you think a weakness can be turned into a strength, I hate to tell you this, but that’s another weakness” — Jack Handy (who else?)