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Better off friends?

So I asked my Guy Decoder for a little advice on how to handle a little dating situation. After spending time with a new guy, I realize we are definitely not romantically compatible, but I really would love to have him in my life – as a friend.

I know most men DESPISE the friend zone because it basically eliminates any possibility of bedroom action. The thing is, we really have the best time talking, laughing, and hanging out. We certainly could continue to spend time together, but I want to let him know that romance is not in our future.

I don’t think this guy is hopelessly in love with me or anything, so I still figure I could pull this off. I just wondered if it’s all or none, use me romantically or lose me as a friend. What do you guys think? Would it help if I fixed him up with a great girl?

Aren’t there situations where men are able to remain friends with a woman after being rejected romantically?

Ladies, have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it?

Is it really mission impossible to parlay a great friendship with someone you once dated, but dumped?

When you find out you are better off friends, how do the dynamics change?  In a way, couldn’t you become closer without the pressure of a romantic relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

191 comments Add your comment

Fion

April 6th, 2011
2:15 pm

Ya know MCH “Conservative slant’, that’s a Code phrase. Unpack that for me?

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
2:15 pm

I’m so freaking frustrated right about now. Freaking clients and all the crap they want and all the legal hoops I gotta hop through to get it done….I’on take the Lord’s name in vain but Jesus Christ!!!! Fa real. I wish I was old enough to retire and become a greeter at WalMart on days like this…don’t judge me…. I’ve been sent in circles since freaking Friday on this same matter and all the legalities that’s blocking me. All she can say is we did it before well hell that’s why the process and stuff is so stringent now cause you’ve bossed folks around got ‘em doing stuff all wrong so now I gotta conquer freaking Mt. Everest to get this accomplished. THAT’S JUST ONE THING ON MY PLATE FROM HER!!!!

woosah woosah….Where’s Dr. Spock that was on here yesterday?? I don’t believe in mental therapists (that’s for another day) but I feel like I need the couch right about now…

woosah woosah

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
2:26 pm

MC – I don’t see how either can really be much of an “embarrasment” to the political parties because neither are elected officials. They are not, in my opinion, even really serious journalists. They are more entertainers, especially Beck.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
2:27 pm

Get Schooled, was about whether or not algebra II should still be taught in high school.
cba They’re retarded if they want to take that out of school. 5th graders can learn algebra with the right preparation. The problem with lots of kids and math is that they never mastered the fundamentals (this is really the parents fault). My daughter is 5, and she can add and subtract from memory. Parents aren’t challenging their children to excel. The Chinese are though, just as you stated. Amy Chua wrote an article in the Wall Street Journal about the differences in Asian parenting models and the prevailing western models. I don’t see eye to eye with everything she says, but I agree with her overall assessment. We coddle our kids too much and let them think that mediocrity is ok as long as they “tried their best.” Kids don’t know what their best is, which is why it’s up to us as parents to push them. There’s no feeling like the satisfaction of having accomplished something you never thought you could. We are dooming our kids if we think that less math is the solution.

Simple Man!!!!

April 6th, 2011
2:27 pm

Damn… All I have to wory about is a small theft problem…..1 call to corporate security and one to Gwinnett Co. and I will be all better!!1 :)

Simple Man!!!!

April 6th, 2011
2:29 pm

All Jokes aside…I am thinking about running for the house seat held by Hank Johnson next year…..

cba

April 6th, 2011
2:31 pm

Celisea, take a deep breath and think about the people down at the unemployment office.

Fion, @ 2:15 I’m with you on code. When I hear libertarian, I think Boortz and all his BS.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
2:32 pm

They are not, in my opinion, even really serious journalists. They are more entertainers, especially Beck.
kimmie but you see that elected officials hardly ever reprimand them for the things they say. Both parties know that these types of characters have huge followings, and they don’t want to alienate large portions of their potential votes by chastising these “entertainers.” Besides, I think that many of the elected officials actually agree with what’s being said, but can’t publicly say so, so they let someone else do it for them.

Fion

April 6th, 2011
2:40 pm

@ cba

hold on, Celisea didn’t say she was going to dislodge 4 or 5 rounds into the ceiling, she’s just a little upset.
………..pisss you did leave the ‘9′ at home today right Mommie?

cba

April 6th, 2011
2:42 pm

One of the posts to the algebra II topic was, if you want to be one of the 50,000 that mac donald is hiring, algebra II not necessary. But, if you want to write some of their software programs, algebra has an advantage.

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
2:50 pm

cba/Fion – LOLOL…I’m good and nope not packing…today I’m just saying folks make me sick sometimes. You can get so much more accomplished working together rather than pulling in the opposite direction. But cba is right. Too many folks need jobs. Now that that’s off my chest I’m going to skip through the rest of my day.

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
2:55 pm

Dreams – You are right. I just had to stop getting in an uproar every time one of these actors says something. I focus like a laser beam on what the actual official is doing & saying. That’s who I vote for. If that official acts like he/she goes along with the madness, well I know who I’m voting for or not.

Like when I was watching the network morning shows after the Libya bombing. I turned on ABC and they were asking Palin about the decision. She’s not an elected official! She’s not even a military or foreign affairs authority. I immediately changed channels to NBC and they were talking to a senator who was on some foreign affairs committee. He had credibility. Her, not a shred, at least not to me.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
2:55 pm

if you want to be one of the 50,000 that mac donald is hiring, algebra II not necessary.
cba I think this is one of the main areas where math is misunderstood. People always complain “where am I going to use this in real life?”, but they don’t understand that math is so much more comprehensive than its direct applications. Math, at its foundation, is based on proofs, which are based on logic. Everyone THINKS they know how to think logically, but the truth is that very few do. I see it everyday, at work and in my daily interactions with people. People making choices that don’t make any logical sense. Understanding math allows you to break a problem down and find the optimal solution. I know everyone thinks they can already do this, but I see the fallout from poor logic everyday, in corporate america, in politics, in religion, in dating.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 6th, 2011
2:56 pm

@cba

Math is good for life.

The higher in your studies, the more theoretical, but math teaches you how to think. It also teaches you the process for evaluation.

Those that shun math, risk more than pushing fries; the risk the opportunity of franchising those most profitable of chain’s.

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
3:00 pm

Dreams – You are right about 5th grades because my soon-to-be 5th grade son is learning algebra.

You are so right about the coddling and the acceptance of mediocrity today! We can dumb down everything if we want to. The world is passing us by.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
3:00 pm

cba / Dreams — That whole algebra 2 or no debate is just a symptom of a much bigger issue: Our whole society is being steadily “dumbed-down.” Ignorance is not only accepted; it’s admired by some (cough, cough, right-wingers, I’m looking at you). We need higher educational standards in all disciplines, not necessarily because it will directly relate to a future vocation (an education != trade school), but because it’s better to be an educated member of society than an uneducated blow-hard.

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
3:02 pm

Dreams – Correction – soon-to-be son who happens to be in 5th grade. He is learning algebra!

MC Hammock

April 6th, 2011
3:02 pm

I remember algebra. It’s formula’s like 38-24-36…..I think there’s a C or a D in there somewhere…..or something like that…..memory’s kinda foggy now….

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
3:03 pm

“I was watching the network morning shows after the Libya bombing. I turned on ABC and they were asking Palin about the decision. “

They should have asked her to find Libya on a map.

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
3:06 pm

Swiss – It is just a complete insult to everyones intelligence that the media asks her opinion on anything of importance! I bet Kim Kardishian probably would be more knowledgable!LOL!!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
3:07 pm

He had credibility. Her, not a shred, at least not to me.
kimmie Here’s the politician’s dilemma though. Probably 95% of the American population is critically uninformed about domestic AND international events. They have absolutely no clue what issues a politician is really dealing with or what it takes for them to address the challenges before them. There might be 1000 factors influencing an official’s decision to be in Libya or not (for example), and even the most informed citizen probably only knows 10 of the 1000. So, how do you convince your constituency that you’re doing what’s best for them without overwhelming them with a bunch of information they surely wouldn’t understand? Easy, let some “entertainer” with a connection to the people blast your message based on superficial (sometimes even untrue) talking points that the people can relate to. Fear is probably the #1 talking point.

cba

April 6th, 2011
3:08 pm

Dreams/Dan, there were quite a few posts along your line of thinking. I agree 100% with the logical and analytical thinking. The downside is my wife will often say ” so you think you have it all figured out”. Yep!! and here’s why :-)

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
3:12 pm

Dreams – Once when son was complaining about his math homework, I sat down with a calculator with him. I calculated with him the wages of your average burger-flipper at about $6 per hour. Then I calculated the average wages of say, a pharmacist, at about $40 per hour. I asked him which salary would he prefer, taking into account his lifestyle that he’s become accustomed to – the latest video games and flat-screens to play them on, nice home in a nice neighborhood, nice clothes, good food.

It made it all clear to him. Whenever he starts up, I just mention that McDonalds is usually always hiring or he could try Wendy’s if he really wants to get fancy.

It always gets his attention! :)

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 6th, 2011
3:12 pm

@cba

You can show her and then say “Q.E.D.” then walk off for effect

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
3:14 pm

Dreams – As usual, right on point, especially about the misinformed public.

I can’t be a party to it, though.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 6th, 2011
3:18 pm

@Dreams

Or you just keep going on different shows using the same catchphrases, no matter the question.

(see also, War, Iraq and cloud, mushroom)

How are you today Mr. SecDef? Mushroom Cloud.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
3:20 pm

Dreams — So true. And the even bigger problem is that too many of the public don’t want to be truly informed. They don’t like it when someone actually tries to spell out all the complexities of an issue; they feel they’re being “talked down to.” Well, duh. If you don’t want to be talked down to, how about raising your own level of understanding. We shouldn’t have to pander to the dumbest muff@#kers lowest common denominator…

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
3:21 pm

kimmie If your child is failing at any point in elementary school, it’s YOUR fault, barring a legitimate learning disability of course. There’s no reason a child isn’t getting 100% on a spelling test every week. It’s just memorization!

That whole algebra 2 or no debate is just a symptom of a much bigger issue: Our whole society is being steadily “dumbed-down.”
swiss This is true. It isn’t ugent though because a select few benefit from this type of socioeconomic arrangement. The dumber the masses, the higher the concentration of wealth is at the top 3%.

The downside is my wife will often say ” so you think you have it all figured out”.
cba Actually, this is a good example of what I mean. lol Being able to think analytically doesn’t mean you will always be right. Your decsion (conclusion) is only as good as the information (premises) you have available to you to make your decision.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 6th, 2011
3:23 pm

@Swiss

Acceptance is the final stage of grief.

Accept that 90% of the people you talk to are morons, cherish that 10%, and KIM bro.

Acceptance is really less stress than trying to convince a rock to drink.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
3:23 pm

Dreams — Bingo.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
3:24 pm

You guys can check out this WSJ article.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html

We shouldn’t have to pander to the dumbest muff@#kers lowest common denominator…
swisss well this takes us right back to education doesn’t it? lol

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
3:27 pm

“Acceptance is the final stage of grief.

Accept that 90% of the people you talk to are morons, cherish that 10%, and KIM bro. “

Yeah… and then after the grieving ends, I suppose you move on to the “F__k Trying To Enlighten The Moronic 90% And Just Exploit Them In Order To Join That 3% That Dreams Mentioned” phase… :lol:

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
3:30 pm

barring a legitimate learning disability of course.

Dreams – Man, everything you are saying I have been preaching! I can’t help it, I get it from my mother who was a teacher. I say it to the kids all the time – I would not be so hard on you if I knew you were not capable! Sometimes that child comes out with the most intelligent questions and statements! I know he is capable of doing more than the bare minimum and that’s what I expect out of him. He’s so proud when I’m proven right!

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 6th, 2011
3:30 pm

Yeap, cycnism.

That, combined with a moral compass, is the reason I never got into sales. It’d be too dangerous.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
3:31 pm

“well this takes us right back to education doesn’t it?”

Dreams — Exactly, but we don’t have any $$ for education. We’ve got to cut that so that top 3% can keep their W-era tax cuts. I’m just sittin’ here watching the wheels go round-and-roooooooooooound….

cba

April 6th, 2011
3:36 pm

Well, in about 25 to 30 yrs, robots will be programmed to do most of human jobs.
My nephew posted an article on FB that stated there is a program that lawyers can now use and it can do the work of 500 lawyers. Especially, when it comes to researching documents for a case.
A MIT professor stated that, at some point, we are going to have to look at the impact technology is having on the human experience. He said, there will always be jobs for people but not at the payscale they are today. Mainly he was referring to the middle-class.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 6th, 2011
3:57 pm

@cba

There are tasks that require intiuition that even the be Japanese female autonomon cannot approximate. Likewise, automation carries it’s own risk. As any hacker will tell you “code responds only to instructions.”

So, while automation and technology has been improving and changing life since the wheel, man’s errant and curious nature will always need reassuring.

abc

April 6th, 2011
3:59 pm

In 25-30 years we could well be closely approaching the Singularity — when everything about life as we know it will change.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
4:08 pm

In 25-30 years we could well be closely approaching the Singularity — when everything about life as we know it will change.
abc It’s definitely possible. The thing about singularities is that all known “laws” break down as you approach that point, making it impossible to predict what will happen as you pass through the singularity.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
4:31 pm

I forget where I read this, but this pretty much sums up my feelings on the subject:

The Singularity == The Rapture for Nerds

Simple Man!!!!

April 6th, 2011
4:57 pm

Pretty damn remarkable that we can go from starting the day talking about Not Fuggin your female BFF to Algebra to Singularity…. I guess the moral of the story is, if you wanna hit her, you better do it now ’cause in 2045 the I-Robot will be here and he gonna do EVERYBODY!!!!