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Better off friends?

So I asked my Guy Decoder for a little advice on how to handle a little dating situation. After spending time with a new guy, I realize we are definitely not romantically compatible, but I really would love to have him in my life – as a friend.

I know most men DESPISE the friend zone because it basically eliminates any possibility of bedroom action. The thing is, we really have the best time talking, laughing, and hanging out. We certainly could continue to spend time together, but I want to let him know that romance is not in our future.

I don’t think this guy is hopelessly in love with me or anything, so I still figure I could pull this off. I just wondered if it’s all or none, use me romantically or lose me as a friend. What do you guys think? Would it help if I fixed him up with a great girl?

Aren’t there situations where men are able to remain friends with a woman after being rejected romantically?

Ladies, have you ever been in this situation? How did you handle it?

Is it really mission impossible to parlay a great friendship with someone you once dated, but dumped?

When you find out you are better off friends, how do the dynamics change?  In a way, couldn’t you become closer without the pressure of a romantic relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

191 comments Add your comment

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 6th, 2011
10:00 am

@Swiss

FOrgot to say congrats..

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
10:00 am

I suppose gay guys could be platonic friends with a chick.

Nevermind my question…lol

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:03 am

Guys could you have a true female friend that’s a lesbian? Not to get close to her lesbian friends but if she was a manly lesbian could you be her friend?

COME ON NOW

April 6th, 2011
10:04 am

Purple-Never said I didn’t get along with my female friends. We are VERY close. I said SOMETIMES I prefer to hang out with my male friends. Anyway, my point is that I have been able to maintain a platonic relatioship with my male friends. I believe it can be done. Is it the norm? No. But it CAN happen. If you don’t believe it can happen then keep doing you and I’ll be over here enjoying having male friends in my life

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
10:05 am

Alright Dan/Dreams.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
10:07 am

Have any of you ever had the opportunity and for the sake of keeping a really good friend passed? Surely someone has.
Celisea I’ve passed on sex numerous times, as I’m sure most guys have. Sometimes, the potential fallout just isn’t worth it, so you take the high road. As a man I have principles, and I can choose to honor those principles over the random f$%ck. I have done and probably will do in the future. Of couse, I wouldn’t say any of those women are really my friends. We’re still cordial, and I might have lunch with them if they’re in town or something, call them a time or two during the year to check on them, but that’s about it.

abc

April 6th, 2011
10:08 am

I only have 1 lesbian friend — I don’t meet that many, I guess — is smokin hot. She’d do me to get to the only so-called platonic female friend I have, who is also smokin hot.

I try to avoid them, frankly. I don’t need that kind of temptation.

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:08 am

Come On Now, why are you taking it personal. I have no bearing on what goes on in your life. Enjoy your mail friends, no need to TYPE with so much EMPHASIS.

MC Hammock

April 6th, 2011
10:08 am

Purple, Nope…no interest in being friends with a manly lesbian. I’ll be NICE to ger, but no hanging out or friendship stuff. If she was a HOT lesbian……

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:10 am

Random sex is over rated, it is very rarely hands free

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
10:11 am

abc — That sounds like a good plot for a p0rno….

Simple Man!!!!

April 6th, 2011
10:12 am

Fellas, have any of you ever been out with your boys, say playing a round of golf, and one person in the group picked up the round for everybody???

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
10:13 am

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:14 am

Simple Man, no we usually pay when we get there or if someone is late whomever was ther first would just pay but the money is paid back when they arrive or at the bar afterwards. But just taking a friend golfing and me paying out of the blue. Nope has not happened.

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
10:14 am

I’m not a slamhog and actually I prefer hanging with my male friends over my female friends. With men you can be yourself, no faking, fronting, great advice…all of it. And a couple that will “spring” for meals…I kid I kid.

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:15 am

Swiss is good at hitting balls!

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:16 am

Not saying you are a slamhog but will a slamhog ever admit to being a slamhog?

Fion

April 6th, 2011
10:16 am

Ladies, ladies, ladies, please get it straight. If i’m tryin’ to “Pluck ya” you ain’t my friend.
You are a chick I’m tryin to ‘Pluck”.
Choochie I’m indifferent about, that’s choochie ‘i’ll take if you throw it at me, but I ain’t pursuing,
yeah we can be friends.
For you Girls you get the standard issued card that reads:

(”Break glass and Pull rope in case of Emergency”)

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
10:17 am

Dreams – Your 10:07…yep that about sums it up. So really and for hte most part, the answer is no.

COME ON NOW

April 6th, 2011
10:19 am

Purple-Not taking it personally at all. It just seemed that you implied that I don’t get along with my female friends and I never said that in any of my posts so I was just reiterating that point. I understand you have your opinion so that’s why I said do you. And I pretty much always type with EMPHASIS so I’m not singling you at by any means.

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
10:19 am

PR – Not saying you are a slamhog but will a slamhog ever admit to being a slamhog?

You’d have to ask a slamhog.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
10:20 am

:lol: @ PurplePounding them, actually…

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:21 am

I was taking what you said and expounding on it not singling you out. Hey do you want to be friends? LOL

Simple Man!!!!

April 6th, 2011
10:21 am

Purp….Thats cool. for you guys I guess, but for me and my buddies, its not that big a deal for the first person there to pick up the whole foursome…I guess it works for us cause the same guy is not stuck paying all the time, and Nobody feels like they are getting hosed in the process….

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:21 am

Celisea, I would only know the slamhogginess after the fact. LOL

Purple Rain

April 6th, 2011
10:22 am

Simple, when I was in Atlanta I only had one golf buddy who was constant otherwise the group was random. If he was not there I would pay for him but that usually meant he was picking up the beer, wine and water. So it all even out.

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
10:23 am

PR – Celisea, I would only know the slamhogginess after the fact. LOL

Then you should be able to answer the question yourself…according to some of what you’ve posted (that you’ve done).

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
10:23 am

Gotta work….be back later

Da_Man!

April 6th, 2011
10:24 am

I don’t think men should have a problem with being in the friend zone. At the very best, you have a lifelong dear friend. At the very least, she may hit a drought & give you some “what the heck!!!” action.

Reio

April 6th, 2011
10:25 am

No. Can Not Be Done. Be Done. Unless you get busy every now and then, he’ll just slowly fade away. Sorry.

Ron Jeremy

April 6th, 2011
10:25 am

There are female “friends” and female “friends with benefits”. Problem is, I want to pluck them all, truth be told….

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
10:25 am

Fellas, have any of you ever been out with your boys, say playing a round of golf, and one person in the group picked up the round for everybody???
Simple Not in reference to golf, but there have been other times that I have picked up the tab for the group. No problem. They’re my friends, and I know that over the course of our friendship, the things I do for them are balanced by the the things they do for me. If that’s not the case then I need to reevaluate my “friendships.” I know the analogy you’re trying to make, but it’s just usually NOT the case with women “friends” because that same balance often isn’t there.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
10:29 am

PR – Not saying you are a slamhog but will a slamhog ever admit to being a slamhog?

You’d have to ask a slamhog.
This is funny, kinda like a riddle. If you have to ask a slamhog to know a slamhog, but a true slamhog will never tell you, then can can you ever know who’s a slamhog? lol

Reio

April 6th, 2011
10:31 am

Whats a slamhog?

Simple Man!!!!

April 6th, 2011
10:31 am

Dreams… There we go…As long as there is a balance, then its all good… I have ladies that I consider my friends, and its nothing for us to be out and for one of them to get the tab…Same thing holds true for me…to paraphrase what you said, when there is not balance there needs to be a re-evaluation of the friendship whether we are talking Men or women….

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
10:32 am

I appreciate all the guy friends I’ve had, including some wonderful gay guy friends. Most I have lost touch with. As I stated before, life happens, things change. It’s okay.

I really treasure my good female friends. There are 3 from college and one I met at work about 15 years ago. The 4 of them are like sisters to me. We’ve been there for each other thru boyfriends, marriages, babies, divorces, death. All 4 will be at my wedding. I can always count on them to be honest with me. We let our hair down around each other. We are not catty with each other, no jealousy. You don’t have much choice with who is blood. They are like family and I chose them. I chose my friends very carefully, like I chose my fiance’. The men in my life have always liked them.

Would not trade them for the world.

Jenna Jameson

April 6th, 2011
10:33 am

Can we all just get along and badonk until we can’t walk straight? Is that too much to ask? We can be friends afterwards….I promise.

Lisa Ann

April 6th, 2011
10:36 am

I’m very good friends with all of my son’s high school buddies. They wash my car, clean my pool, trim my hedge….

Reio

April 6th, 2011
10:36 am

Kimmie, your fiance’ chose you, not the other way around.

Celisea

April 6th, 2011
10:36 am

One last post for now….I have to agree with I have ladies that I consider my friends, and its nothing for us to be out and for one of them to get the tab

I have a few male friends but seriously only one where we’re tight like this. It’s nothing for me to pay sometimes and him to pay sometimes but if he calls several times in one week asking what’s for lunch, ummm he knows the drill, he’s paying :) :) :) It ain’t even a convo around that…he might joke and say that’s 5 to your 1 but we’re cool like that.

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
10:39 am

and its nothing for us to be out and for one of them to get the tab…Same thing holds true for me

Simple – While me & my friends mostly go dutch, occasionally one will grab the tab for all. No big deal. You are right, there has to be a balance there though. I think where the issues come in is when we are suppose to be platonic friends, yet I EXPECT you to pick up the tab like we are on a date and you are my man.

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
10:40 am

Reio – How about we chose each other, k?

Idealist

April 6th, 2011
10:40 am

New Guy here. I often peak in on the blog to get a feel of what it is like to be “Single in Atlanta.” But decided to chime in on today’s topic. In reading all of the entries here, it really appears mutually agreed upon that men and women cannot have meaningful relationships (friends) outside of having each other. If such is the case, then we all are doomed to go from one relationship to the next making friends, then lovers and starting all over again. Then this also makes the concepts of marriage/significant other obsolete because at some point during the course of your life you will inevitably meet someone that you want to be in your life from that point forward. If we cannot figure out how to have and manage meaningful male/female friendships then marriage is a life sentence of solitary confinement.

Reio

April 6th, 2011
10:42 am

kimmie

April 6th, 2011
10:43 am

Some people are just in your life for a season, whether they are friends, lovers, spouses, etc.

That’s life.

Reio

April 6th, 2011
10:45 am

Idealist, Marriage/significant other implies intimacy, so I do’nt understand your point in this context.

Lana

April 6th, 2011
10:46 am

Idealist, what makes you think marriage isn’t already solitary confinement? Recent poll on CNN said that 83% or men and women consider their marriage “less than happy”. I say stay single, have relationships and when things take a bad turn or the partner changes for the worse, you can pick up and move on without the lawyers or money/property changing hands. Getting married is whack.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 6th, 2011
10:48 am

Idealist — Um, you totally lost me there, bro.

1) How would having no male/female friendships make marriage obsolete, exactly?

2) Why would being married = solitary confinement without male/female friendships?

abc

April 6th, 2011
10:48 am

Marriage is not “a life sentence of solitary confinement”. If you feel that way about your marriage, you married the wrong person. And, spouses are not for a season. You make a covenant with God and the person you marry that binds you for life, else you’ve only made a legal arrangement.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

April 6th, 2011
10:49 am

Idealist I’m not sure I understand what you’re getting at. Can you elaborate?