Not married? Here’s why
Tracy McMillan set the internet ablaze in a slightly tongue-in-cheek article on Huffington Post entitled, Why You’re Not Married. I’ve been meaning to bring this up but it came out in February and I didn’t want to depress anyone during the so-called month of love!
The more you read it, the more you realize it is equal parts tough love, reality check, and comedy. Ladies, be warned. We take a hit so hard in it, I think a lot of women are still recovering from it! My first reaction was, “Ouch!” At any rate, I was amused, annoyed, and humored all at once. Admittedly, that has not happened in awhile.
She listed one reason that made me truly think: You’re selfish. <– This is one that rings true for me. I have always felt this was a strong reason why I haven’t seriously considered marriage with anyone.
Do you think selfishness is a problem that is keeping you single?
Did you hear about the article? What do you think of the other reasons McMillan (note, this is not the author Terry McMillan) listed as why more women aren’t married?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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268 comments Add your comment
Reality
April 5th, 2011
11:07 am
As has been stated here before “It ain’t just the man that needs to do the impressing and it ain’t just the woman that needs to be impressed.” Words to pay attention to.
Chink
April 5th, 2011
11:07 am
I just want some insight into maintaining a successful, mutually satisfying relationship from someone who is succeeding at the staying part of it all
Amen!
SexyCool
April 5th, 2011
11:10 am
Casual Observer, you make good points. I like the insight that happily married folks are focusing on maintaining their marriages and not writing about them.
As the discussion is developing, it is becoming clear to me that I am not the audience for her article. What I want to hear about and focus on is the STAYING, not the getting. And since For Real has admonished me for not focusing on the GETTING, I will go sit in a corner.
kimmie
April 5th, 2011
11:12 am
4 Real – Newsflash, you don’t know everything. I read the dang article, I got out of it what I WANTED to get out of it, which might not be what YOU got out of it.
Stop telling us to stop. I have a right to say anything on this dang blog I want, just like you do and so does everyone else.
And if I or anyone else on here feels like creating another topic, which happens every doggon day on here, GUESS WHAT??!!!!
For Real aka MC Daequan
April 5th, 2011
11:12 am
Scool: I understand you want some info on how to stay married but again that not what the article is about. You can’t maintain a marriage without knowing how to get married. You are putting the cart before the horse. And I’m not married because I don’t want to be married. There is no point of me being married. I don’t need it nor do I want it.
The crux of the article is something I have been saying on the blog women need to be ACCOUNTABLE for their actions. It can’t always be somebody else’s fault can it?
Willie Dynamite
April 5th, 2011
11:13 am
If you are looking to get married then the Article pretty much lays out a majority of the self-inflicted roadblocks Women face. As to how to stay married, Thats a whole nother topic. Thats just the starting point.
kimmie
April 5th, 2011
11:13 am
SCool – You can sit anywhere you dang well please!!!!
MC Hammock
April 5th, 2011
11:14 am
Your Honor…..*ahem…….the Defense rests. Court is dismissed.
kimmie
April 5th, 2011
11:14 am
SCool – It’s not up to 4 Real to admonish anyone on this blog, is what I mean!
SexyCool
April 5th, 2011
11:15 am
“Tracy is a single mother, a divorcee, a prison inmate’s daughter, a past drug user.” (This is from the Amazon.com review section on her book.)
Yep…she is the right person to be giving me advice.
DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"
April 5th, 2011
11:16 am
I disagree. Having the knowledge of how to GET married, but not STAY married is like winning a million dollar jackpot and being broke in a year.
So, if I give you the winning lotto ticket, I have to also tell you how not to go broke? Shyyyyyyt, tell me how to get rich, and I’ll figure out how to stay rich. I mean how much more can I really expect from you?
SexyCool
April 5th, 2011
11:17 am
I know, kimmie. But since For Real *thinks* he is in charge of directing the discussion today, I’ma *acK* like I’m letting him be in charge.
Simple Man!!!!
April 5th, 2011
11:17 am
Having never been married before, I can’t / won’t get into the hows and whys, but having dated alot of women. I will say that there are a whole Gaggle of ladies that are more caught up in the Concept of marriage than getting, staying married. I am blown away when I have conversations with women and ultimatly get the two list..the afore mentioned Run down of what he must be, and then the “I ain’t gonna do” list when she has a husband….
For Real aka MC Daequan
April 5th, 2011
11:17 am
4 Real – Newsflash, you don’t know everything. I read the dang article, I got out of it what I WANTED to get out of it, which might not be what YOU got out of it.
Stop telling us to stop. I have a right to say anything on this dang blog I want, just like you do and so does everyone else.
And if I or anyone else on here feels like creating another topic, which happens every doggon day on here, GUESS WHAT??!!!!
Here is a perfect example of a conversation between a man and woman turning into something completely different from the original topic. Now it’s about “rights”.
kimmie
April 5th, 2011
11:19 am
4 Real – Whatever
For Real aka MC Daequan
April 5th, 2011
11:20 am
Scool: I’m not in charge of the topic. I just pointed out that you changed topics that’s all.
For Real aka MC Daequan
April 5th, 2011
11:20 am
4 Real – Whatever – The words of Lona YEP!!
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
April 5th, 2011
11:22 am
I would say the things you do to get married are the same things you do to stay married. The problem arises when one/both stop doing what made them appealing in the first place…
Simple Man!!!!
April 5th, 2011
11:22 am
““Tracy is a single mother, a divorcee, a prison inmate’s daughter, a past drug user.” (This is from the Amazon.com review section on her book.)”
Damn….Talk about shooting the messenger….
For Real
April 5th, 2011
11:25 am
Swiss: I agree 100%. That’s why I like Raqi quirky azz. She understands that part to the T.
SexyCool
April 5th, 2011
11:25 am
Naw, Simple. I’m not shooting the messenger. I’m just considering the source. You believe everything anybody tells you without qualifying them at all.
“Childcare Tips by Chester”
“Ethics in Investing by Bernie Madoff”
Willie Dynamite
April 5th, 2011
11:26 am
Fellas lets be fair (hate that word) this is very similar to how most of us feel about Steve Harvey writing books. Whereas he just panders to the obvious to sell books. This writer just put it out there. The Women that haven’t quite gotten to the land of enlightenment like our beloved SC and Kimmie may just recognize a few of the traits and the article may just be for them
Simple Man!!!!
April 5th, 2011
11:28 am
SCool…Warren Buffet’s folks lost everything in the depression…and his fist attempt to run a business failed….
Egdar Allen
April 5th, 2011
11:29 am
For Real is dead on. Did you see the way the “cobra” raised it’s head and spread it’s hood? “I ain’t taking any advice from someone I don’t want to” is EXACTLY the way a woman will react when confronted with an opinion she doesn’t agree with. OR…they come up with reasons as to WHY this person shouldn’t be giving adice. Why don’t you say what you really feel, which is “I ain’t changing a dayum thing and don’t you DARE try to ask me to/point it out/offer any advice. MCH, you are the co-winner. If you hold a woman accountable, you better have your body armor on.
SexyCool
April 5th, 2011
11:30 am
Yeah…I can see where I mentioned Warren Buffet. (No, really, I didn’t.)
Reality
April 5th, 2011
11:32 am
“Only a fool doesn’t consider advice of someone that’s already been there.”
DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"
April 5th, 2011
11:32 am
a prison inmate’s daughter
She didn’t have any control over this. The other things, she’s completely responsible for though. Of course, if we were all judged by our parents’ lot in life, then most of us aren’t qualified to speak on a number of things.
SexyCool
April 5th, 2011
11:34 am
Reality it is equally as foolishness to not question that same advice.
cba
April 5th, 2011
11:34 am
Kimme, this aint that important, you’re getting MARRIED in less than 2 months
For Real
April 5th, 2011
11:37 am
WillieD: This is one my favorite quotes and I think it applicable to your 11:26:
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.” –Will Durant
COME ON NOW
April 5th, 2011
11:39 am
Sorry, but as a female, today I’m going to have to side with the men on this one. Most if not all women, have at one point, had or still have at least one of those characteristics that she listed. Just because someone didn’t get it right, 1, 2 or 3 times, does not mean they can’t give advice. Heck, my parents give me advice because they’ve BEEN THROUGH IT. So I don’t think it’s fair to just dismiss what she says just because she happens to have been married 3 times. We ALL learn from our experiences–good or bad. Her article was not directed at men, ergo, she’s not going to give reasons why men still aren’t married. We just need to own up to the part we as women play in relationships.
SexyCool
April 5th, 2011
11:43 am
CON – not once did I say that the chick doesn’t have some valid points….
But again, I’m not questioning why I’m not married.
Dan - Simply....Superior
April 5th, 2011
11:47 am
So, no one can disagree that the article is not how to “stay” married, but “get” married; and suddenly her qualifications (including her life outside of marriage) is in debate?
DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"
April 5th, 2011
11:49 am
suddenly her qualifications (including her life outside of marriage) is in debate?
Dan Apparently even her life outside of her control.
Dan - Simply....Superior
April 5th, 2011
11:58 am
Yeah, Dreams
If you can’t argue facts, argue piety; doesn’t change the facts, just makes one feel better.
Reality
April 5th, 2011
12:00 pm
All of this is simply a ploy to discredit someone (anyone) that actually asks “the questions” that the author brings up. It’s avoidance of having to deal with, consider or answer the details. Just say “she isn’t qualified” if you don’t agree with the points and in their minds, the conversation is over.
For Real
April 5th, 2011
12:07 pm
“If you can’t argue facts, argue piety; doesn’t change the facts, just makes one feel better.” – Exactly or get upset when someone points out that you are arguing a different or defending a completely different point.
Dude: This cheese is good.
Chick: Yeah but what about the Ford Focus? It’s great.
Dude: Okay but I was talking about this fye azz cheese.
Chick: Oh, oh so you think my opinion doesn’t matter and you think the Ford Focus is a bad car.
SexyCool
April 5th, 2011
12:11 pm
It is a poor assumption to assert that anyone in this discussion is *upset.*
But yeah…that makes sense for you to ASSume that women cannot discuss differing opinions without having an emotional reaction.
For Real
April 5th, 2011
12:19 pm
“It is a poor assumption to assert that anyone in this discussion is *upset.*”- You upset? No. Kimmie on the other hand yes and the blog provides proof not assumption to that matter. But if you are going to dismiss writing etiquette, then you are right I can assume you are not going talk about the facts.
Mike P
April 5th, 2011
12:31 pm
this topic is freaking waste of time… the people who this topic would benefit the most are deaf, dumb, and blind… you just can’t help those who don’t want help or worse, those that don’t acknowledge they even need help.
to change the topic… I’ve been meeting a lot of foreign women lately, and they don’t seem to have all these irrational hangups like American women do. I am currently seeing this fine Ethiopian women, so far, so good… I like where things are heading
Purple Rain aka DJ Play No Requests
April 5th, 2011
12:35 pm
I only read one book for relationship advice. It tells me what to do.
Dan - Simply....Superior
April 5th, 2011
12:37 pm
Oh, neither of those are SFW (without headphones)
Gotthattshirt
April 5th, 2011
12:41 pm
Mike P, great call! “Chump don’t want no help, chump don’t get no help.” In my earlier marriage, I went to counseling with my wife who was all about it….until couselor started in on what SHE should change. You’da thought she had been slapped in the face. That ended our counseling sessions and subsequently, the marriage. I had to sit and listen to constructive criticism as to what I had been doing wrong and I did it and listened to what she said I needed to work on, but when it came to my ex…NO ONE was gonna tell her anything she needed to address and if they did, they just didn’t understand her or her situation.
I sense a genetic commonality…..
Ms. Independence
April 5th, 2011
12:47 pm
Hello Bloggers…I usually lurk and enjoy but think I will voice my opinion on this one. Foremost I have a problem with anyone that presumes to tell me why I’m not married. What may be one woman’s/man’s reason doesn’t necessarily speak for the majority. We are all individuals capable of assessing what we want or do not want and don’t need to be lumped into a “pool” and have some self appointed “guru” presume to tell us our faults and/or shortcomings. I am who I am, take me or leave me. I won’t change to fit your mold and don’t expect that of your either. I dare say any of you guys who have jumped on this bandwagon today have earned the right to cast stones!!
For Real
April 5th, 2011
12:49 pm
If anyone has been foreclosed on or is facing foreclosure take some time to view this:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_thelookout/20110404/bs_yblog_thelookout/the-foreclosure-mess-isnt-going-away
Purple Rain
April 5th, 2011
12:51 pm
Ms Independence or Ms Independent?
Chink
April 5th, 2011
12:52 pm
LOL too funny
For Real
April 5th, 2011
12:52 pm
dayum Purp too funny!!! Leave her alone she has been emancipated.
Purple Rain
April 5th, 2011
12:54 pm
For Real, LOL. Maybe she looks like the Statue of LIberty or something LOL
Ms. Independence
April 5th, 2011
12:56 pm
PR Take your pick.
For Real…. You guys stick together now, ya hear?