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Dating: If you use me, you lose me

If single people listed their top 10 most annoying things about dating in Atlanta, I would bet that being used ranks pretty high. There is no way to get around it, and many of us are guilty of it ourselves.

Going out on a date with someone you have absolutely no physical attraction to because you are bored? You, my friend are a user. Keeping someone around for pseudo-dating because they make a great arm ornament? Yep, use. use. use.

So if it happens so much, and we are all guilty of it, is it always a bad thing? How is it avoidable? How would you feel if someone you met and really liked, used you for a specific come up. Would it be a deal breaker?

I am often asked by guy friends for help in recognizing when they are being used by women. Ladies, can you give men tips on when women are using them? What ways have you used a guy, and did it backfire? If so, how did you pay for it later?

Guys  how can you advise a woman when a guy is using her for personal gain? (I know, this means you may to confess your romantic crimes and put yourself on blast)

Aren’t two people who really like each other supposed to rely on one another if they are able to provide something? Shouldn’t men be able to show how he can protect, provide, and support a woman? Shouldn’t a woman be able to demonstrate how she can be dependable, nurturing, and reliable for her man?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

156 comments Add your comment

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 4th, 2011
11:49 am

What’s up with the sausage fest? Who scared all the blogettes away?

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
11:49 am

We went to the Ludacris concert at Georgia State Friday night – (shoulda been packing)

Appliance shopped on Saturday – (hated that)

Worked the Wrestlemania event last night – (shoulda been packing) – Leaving the Georgia Dome last night with 70,000+ slightly drunk fans was a kind of mania all in itself.

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
11:54 am

Number One Tip That A Chick Is Dating Your Wallet – She always calls with suggestions for places to go and things to do and always expects you to pay.

Simple Man!!!!

April 4th, 2011
12:00 pm

@ SexyCool ….”She always calls with suggestions for places to go and things to do and always expects you to pay.”

Been there……

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
12:01 pm

Big Dawg Cobb – Where are you meeting these chicks that are one drink away from an AA meeting?

Willie Dynamite

April 4th, 2011
12:01 pm

Swiss – They are still around. Just gotta say something to bring them out the shadows. Plus as Men we all know that with this topic our upstanding Blog Ladies have never “knowingly” used anyone before. Besides we know thats just code for guy friend

SC- I was down around Centennial this weekend and the WWE folks were slightly drunk all weekend. Slightly drunk for that crowd is un understatement. The only saving grace for most of them was they had kids in tow.

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
12:03 pm

Number One Clue That A Dude is Dating Your Va-Jay-Jay – He’s male. (Teasing)

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
12:04 pm

WillieD – exactly, slightly was an understatement.

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
12:05 pm

The nine walking vendors (beer guys) in the room that I managed sold $7K worth of beer alone in five hours.

Dan - Simply....Superior

April 4th, 2011
12:07 pm

Be thankful y’all weren’t on the road with those….nice revenue generating individuals…

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
12:14 pm

The souvenir purchase that I thought was the funniest thing going last night – the replica championship wrestling belts. Hilarious.

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
12:16 pm

I heard the Rick Flair trademark “Wooooooooo!!!!” so many times yesterday, I was hearing it in my sleep last night.

Simple Man!!!!

April 4th, 2011
12:17 pm

@ SexyCool ….

“Number One Clue That A Dude is Dating Your Va-Jay-Jay”

Been There….

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

April 4th, 2011
12:18 pm

Number 2 clue that a dude is dating your va-jay-jay: You have a va-jay-jay. ;-) :lol:

czBrat

April 4th, 2011
12:38 pm

Simple, i’ve got a little time on my hands while s/o is away. i’ll be happy to take full advantage of all you have to offer, as long as we’re clear it’s all about us for four days and four days ONLY!

Jeff

April 4th, 2011
12:46 pm

Women do it all the time to men for free dinners, etc. I’ve long since gone past the point of having any compassion for the entire gender.

Simple Man!!!!

April 4th, 2011
12:50 pm

LOL..Brat…I am so game for everything except leather chaps and ball gags!!! :)

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
12:59 pm

swiss…you nut. (yeah…I know…”Wait for it. Wait for it.”)

czBrat

April 4th, 2011
1:06 pm

no worries. we not goin down that road anyway. this here adventure starts with a shopping spree. so break out the black amex and get the door for me, dear simple man.

Simple Man!!!!

April 4th, 2011
1:08 pm

Black Amex??? Not quite there, but I have a Platinum with hella points :) :D :) ( Now accepted at Kroger and Target)

Lord Velonese

April 4th, 2011
1:12 pm

“If you use me, you lose me”

Agreed, some may argue “but what if it’s in a good way” to me there is no such thing. Also just because a person might be easy doesn’t mean you have a right to use them, how low do you want to sink yourself?

czBrat

April 4th, 2011
1:15 pm

mmmm. i think this is gonna work out fine. just fine. :)

Willie Dynamite

April 4th, 2011
1:17 pm

SimpMan – digressing again are we?????

LV – Did you hunt the chick down that paid your tab yet?

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
1:18 pm

LV – “how low do you want to sink yourself?”

Exactly…that was one of my main reasons for attempting to do right by men that I have met in the past who were good dudes, just not the dude for me.

It was because I hold myself to a higher regard….(for the most part anyway.)

Willie Dynamite

April 4th, 2011
1:23 pm

….(for the most part anyway.)

interesting concept. Did you find that Dudes would exploit that part of your personality. I know for a fact (cause I did it) that dudes will pass over good chicks for the vulnerable/thirsty ones that will fall in line with the program for the moment.

czBrat

April 4th, 2011
1:26 pm

dudes will pass over good chicks for the vulnerable/thirsty ones that will fall in line with the program for the moment.

uh huh. and yet there will always be chicks who believe they can be thirsty and beat the odds. i’d much rather sleep with my self-respect and my good name than any ol dude.

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
1:29 pm

WillieD – I meant that in the way of…not wanting to take advantage of a person who was putting more in to me than I was in to them as opposed to any vulnerability on my part. (Not saying that I have not been vulnerable.)

And I’m also saying that I have never taken advantage of a man’s kindness. I’m just saying that I tried not to do that, but in instances where I did, I was really good at recognizing it and pulling up from a guy fairly quickly.

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
1:31 pm

And I’m also NOT saying that I have never taken advantage of a man’s kindness.

Willie Dynamite

April 4th, 2011
1:39 pm

CZ – yep, the dating game thrives on EVERY type that fits the bill.

SC – so true, In most cases the thirsty dudes and the truly good guys get taken advantage of. The Thirsty dudes because all they see is the end result in some cases. They think that a few dates and drinks are part of the deal to get a lil puddy. In there eyes thats a even swap until they realize they’ve run into a superior player. The good guys are just naive and outclassed when they run into a predator.

Gold-digging doesn’t always happen on a large Millionare type scale. I tell my friends all the time, If you in the jungle the Lions and Elephants wont be the ones getting you. Its the insects, bugs and Ants you gotta pay attention to.

Celisea

April 4th, 2011
1:43 pm

Hey LV – Nice comments.

SexyCool

April 4th, 2011
1:45 pm

And when it comes to being exploited, because I have been, as I grew, matured and experienced more in life, I learned better to recognize the signs of such and developed a much, MUCH lower tolerance level for bllsht. And that’s not to say that I could not still be *got*, oh yeah…I got *got* a time or two even after thinking I knew better.

When it comes to Game, sometimes you can recognize it. Sometimes, you’re outplayed. And in those instances, you take the lump, the lesson and move on.

kimmie

April 4th, 2011
1:47 pm

Any of you all seen Black Swan? We watched it yesterday – that is really a horror film, but it was excellent!

Willie Dynamite

April 4th, 2011
2:06 pm

When it comes to Game, sometimes you can recognize it. Sometimes, you’re outplayed. And in those instances, you take the lump, the lesson and move on

Bottom Line right there. We’ve all drawn the short stick. Whine, Cry or whatever it is you do to get over it and K.I.M.

Simple Man!!!!

April 4th, 2011
2:10 pm

Off topic…What ever happened to Chante’ Moore??? She is on my Ipod now, and girl had SKILLS…..

For Real aka MC Daequan

April 4th, 2011
2:10 pm

Intent is inconsequential, all people use other people. We learn it as child and some of us prefect it as adults. The objective is to determine WHO will use you and HOW MUCH you are willing to be used.

czBrat

April 4th, 2011
2:15 pm

i’ve seen it kimmie. absolutely my kinda movie.

kimmie

April 4th, 2011
2:17 pm

Simple – I heard Chante’ Moore along with some others at Chastain Park a few years ago. She was incredible. She definitely has a voice and sounds great live!

kimmie

April 4th, 2011
2:18 pm

Brat – Natalie Portman EARNED that Oscar!

Willie Dynamite

April 4th, 2011
2:26 pm

SimpMan – I’ve met her, she is a distant cousin of the Wifey. I can tell you she is very down to earth with no outward Diva tendencies. Drop dead, roll out the bed, every day gorgeous. She has a disdain for the industry. At her heart she’s a good girl that doesn’t want to be involved in the cut-throat world of Major Music labels. She’s keeping busy flying under the radar and being in Love.

czBrat

April 4th, 2011
2:28 pm

after watching that, i thought about other movies i’ve seen her in (star wars, anywhere but here, where the heart is) where she played “nice” characters, and i realized that the really, REALLY good actors must have more than a little bit of crazy in them. that applies to denzel too.

MC Hammock

April 4th, 2011
2:29 pm

My 14 year old daughter has to go to a kiddie shrink because she has “issues” with her Dad (me). The shrink (a lady) told me that I should LET her manipulate me a little because she is “learning how to relate to men”. All I could stammer was “So it’s all true! Women DO control the world!”.

MC Hammock

April 4th, 2011
2:30 pm

A grown lady telling a grown man that he should let his 14 year old daughter manipulate him because she is learning (i.e., in training) how to relate to men. Can ya believe that? Well, just #### a duck……

Charlie Sheen

April 4th, 2011
2:31 pm

“really, REALLY good actors must have more than a little bit of crazy in them”

#winning

Simple Man!!!!

April 4th, 2011
2:32 pm

Willie, thats whats up…..I would pay top dollar to see her in concert again ,and would even be ok with CZ using me for dinnerr and a concert that night… ( Chante’s love songs might just be magic) :)

NY state of mind

April 4th, 2011
2:34 pm

@MC- my son saw a kiddie shrink (therapist) because he couldn’t understand why I was divorcing his dad because he had a mistress x2. He told the therapist I was overreacting because all men have wives and girlfriends.

I totally disgree with you’re therapist.

kimmie

April 4th, 2011
2:37 pm

Simple – I remember now, it was the Rhythm of Love concert. It was Chante’, Will Downing and Jonathan Butler. Very nice!

czBrat

April 4th, 2011
2:38 pm

like i said, simple. ya got four days. if ms. moore ain’t workin this week i can’t help ya.

on that topic though, i tried desperately to find “love’s taken over” for a ringback tone but alas, no luck. :(

Simple Man!!!!

April 4th, 2011
2:39 pm

Kimmie, hate I missed that one!!! Will downing is my boy!!! Stays in the rotation at my house!!!

kimmie

April 4th, 2011
2:42 pm

I guess I am just too old school. Growing up the only “therapist” we had was a belt!

MC – That’s hogwash. Change shrinks! No wonder these kids today can’t handle anything!

MC Hammock

April 4th, 2011
2:42 pm

I think that the shrink, my daughter and my ex wife are in cahoots together. They already have all my money, so now they’re tring to take my sanity. I feel like Bill Murray in “What about Bob.”

NY, so you say “Black Swan” is really a horror movie and it’s pretty good?