Earlier this week, we talked about overlooking a certain type in dating. I started to think that part of the reason we overlook people is that we aren’t truly clear on what we want. We get this image in our heads of who we think we want in theory, but when that person shows up, would we feel the same way?

Bloomburg Businessweek sent me an article about the science behind Match.com. Actually, it’s the math behind it, specifically, algorithims: “Match.com tweaks its algorithms based on whom a user e-mails or checks out” So, you can see where this is headed right?

My favorite part of the article? To wit: “When people first sign up on Match.com they fill out a questionnaire. That’s where Thombre’s biggest challenge arises: Bad data. Users exaggerate their IQs and lowball their waistlines. They frequently discard their stated preferences. Match.com has found that 49 percent of men who insist on a woman who wants children actually chase prospective mates who don’t particularly …

Continue reading Sure about what you want? »

One of our fabulous commenters, Raqi, sent me a really interesting blog post by the author of the website Until I Get Married.  I have read some of his entries before but this particular one I hadn’t seen before.

He recounted an experience when he caught his woman with someone else. It seems he was less angry about the cheating and more upset that she did things that he never did with him. It was like she had a totally different side that she didn’t share with him.

I think I need a man to explain that to me.  How is that a bigger deal than cheating?

When you are in a relationship with someone, do you think they behave the same way when you aren’t around?

I had a friend who would always act so completely different when her man came in the room – including voice tone. It bothered me so much because I couldn’t understand why she felt the need to do that. What is the point in maintaining a fake personality in a relationship? Have any of you ever seen that happen?

I can’t imagine …

Continue reading Do you really know your date? »

I was talking to my friend about his new relationship when he asked me how he could find out if she had a friends with benefits situation with someone.  We actually had a full on discussion about whether he should ask her outright (absolutely not) or how he could read the “signs” and tell. (For the record, all of his supposed signs were dumb)

I thought it was incredibly sweet (although slightly insane) that he was acting so irrationally about this young lady.   I have never seen him this “concerned” about a woman’s single status.  At the same time, I had to give him a reality check.  Keep this up and you will surely blow it, dude. Relax and let things continue to progress naturally. My guess is, the more he spends time with her, the less he will worry about “other dudes” or competition.

To be honest, I never think you should ask for information that you really don’t want the answer to. What would he do if she said, “Yes, I’m getting served up on a weekly basis when I’m …

Continue reading Dating: How much information are you entitled to? »

Essence.com featured a list of the most underrated “types” that seem to get overlooked in dating.  There was a list for men and women, which seemed to outline the many perfectly dateable individuals that get a bad wrap in dating.  From the Mamma’s boy to the corporate/career woman, the underrated types actually read more like …normal people. You know, humans with imperfections?

I can’t honestly say that I haven’t overlooked men who are considered underrated. However,  I am not all that convinced they would have been interested or a good match for me anyway.  I think some single people are drawn to a certain “popular” type but is that who we should end up dating?

If we are all trying to date “the type”who are supposedly in high demand, who do you think is getting ignored? Would you consider yourself the type that is underrated?  If so, does it bother you? What (if anything) would you do differently to stand out?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating …

Continue reading Most underrated singles: Do you overlook them? »

I have to put myself on blast.  It’s not something I am proud of nor do I condone this kind of bad dating behavior.  Recently, while I was having dinner with a guy, I got caught gawking another guy.  I know, I know, it doesn’t get much tackier than that! I have no real excuse for it, really.  I mean, I did have some wine and I was not enjoying the conversation at that point.  Even still, it didn’t give me a right to stare at the fine (FINE) man walking by.

To make matters worse, I locked eyes with said good looking man and he gestured something to me.  Just when I tried to figure out what he was saying, I notice my date looking at me as if I had sprouted 5 heads.  Oy.  I tried unsuccessfully to play it off and that just irritated him more. Things went downhill from there, including a icy glare and awkward silence.

Needless to say, I don’t think I will hear from him again.  He was justifiably annoyed. Heaven knows what I would have said or done had he been the one …

Continue reading Those wandering eyes…belong to me! »

Ladies, imagine seeing a gorgeous man, sashaying over to him, and doing a full court press flirting session.  You are practically swooning all over the man as you try to picture him next to you on a beach in Jamaica.  Then the reggae music in your head stops abruptly, *making that record scratching sound* because he just uttered the oh so lovely, “My wife…”

You don’t really know what he said after that because you are too annoyed that he is not wearing the one thing that would spared you the last ten minutes of flirting:  A wedding ring! The purpose of the ring should partly be to let single women know you can look and admire; but don’t get too happy when you see the man. He’s taken.

What is it with men and the wedding rings/bands? According to recent reports, Prince William has no plans to sport one, either. This article makes me really wonder about the motivation to wear or not wear a ring. If there is not a ring, does that mean there are bad intentions?

When you get …

Continue reading Wedding ring off or on? »

Sometimes in a dating relationship or budding romance you come to the realization that it’s not going to work out.  Things look really promising and progressed nicely until that moment when….well things just go off the rails.  This is basically the moment when something happens that kind of dashes all hope of a good thing happening.

In a oddly hilarious website and book, Tales of Romantic Dead Ends, explores those moments when a romance ends. Some are funny, some are sad, but they are all real.  I think there’s something about seeing fellow soldiers on the battlefield of love that makes you feel a little better about your own relationship failures.

A lot of us have to go through these crazy, funny, outrageous moments when a romance ends, but we are wiser and stronger because of them.  Perhaps a little worse for the wear? When you think about those misadventures you have had, when did you know it was over? (Maybe she popped up without calling first?! Ha).

What are your top …

Continue reading Break Up Chronicles: When did you know it was over? »

My friend Kevin had a woman show up at his home unexpectedly this weekend.  They have been on 3 dates so far and he couldn’t remember telling her where she lived.  He sent me a text message asking me if I gave her his home address (they met through at a mutual friend’s birthday dinner) and of course I hadn’t.

He is trying to figure out if she is some crazy, stalker girl or if he inadvertently gave her his address.  Even so, she took the liberty of coming by with a bag of groceries to cook him a nice Sunday dinner.  While the gesture was sweet and thoughtful, he is hung up on the fact that she pulled a pop-up visit on him.

I don’t know why it’s a big deal, though.  Do men dislike surprise visits from women that much? If you really like them, does it matter if they show up unannounced?

Admittedly, I don’t know if I’d pop up on a new guy in my life, and I probably would raise an eyebrow if he did it to me.  I don’t think it would be a deal breaker though!

What do you …

Continue reading Pop-up visits: Bad idea or worth a try? »

Hey, here’s another of those topics you probably should talk about when you are dating someone new: what do you consider cheating?  Is cheating one of those black and white issues with no gray areas? If you are dating someone new, do you know how they define cheating?

A reader emailed me about a huge fight she had with her ultra conservative boyfriend. After she told him she kissed another girl, he became really upset. To make matters worse, he is increasingly annoyed with her nonchalant attitude about the incident.

While she thinks it was innocent and silly, he believes she cheated on him. She blamed the alcohol but he believes that is only an excuse.  What do you think? Is it cheating when it’s same sex? Is it grounds for breaking up?  He asked her if he was the one making out with other men, how would she feel. She said it’s not the same.

I don’t know what I would do if I were in her situation. Mainly because I can’t imagine sharing a drunken kiss with a girl! I suppose …

Continue reading When is it considered cheating? »

The fastest way to find out if you and your date have similar “moral compasses” is to bring up the topic of “obligatory sex” (yes, those are sarcastic quotation marks).  I found that it’s one of those getting to know you topics that a man and woman can have that lets them know just how compatible they are.  Trust me.

At one point, I had to stop and think how we even got here.  The conversation related to someone not being in the mood and how their partner deals with it.  I agreed that I would not state my personal opinion on the topic until after the MIA blog readers discussed what they thought, so I will just frame the topic like this:

Is there ever a time when you are obligated to be intimate with your partner?

Would you ever tell your partner that they are obligated to please you?

How important is it to find out about a person’s attitudes/views about sex when you are dating? When do you start exploring that topic with them?

P.S. Have you ever been on a date with someone …

Continue reading Date debate: Obligations »