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Single and sexless

Whether you are going through a serious dating drought or celibate for personal reasons, you’ve probably become accustomed to your single and sexless status.  Quiet as its kept, there are many single people who go for long, long periods of time without hooking up with anyone.

Do you think that being single and sexless is the reason why so many of us jump into less then ideal relationships? I’m talking about when we start dating inappropriate people simply because we crave that connection with someone.  Does that cloud our dating judgment?  It would explain a lot, don’t you think?

How do you handle your single status when it comes to living without sex? Does it become a problem for you when you try to date someone?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

255 comments Add your comment

What?

March 30th, 2011
6:44 am

How much does the AJC pay you to come up with this junk?

Name (required)

March 30th, 2011
6:54 am

Masturbation is the key. The cavemen did it…..Jesus did it….the Pope does it…..even animals do it. Why? Because it works.

Montana Slim

March 30th, 2011
7:13 am

To “What?”-Why are you reading this “junk”? The question is a reasonable one and, in the thoughtful persons may trigger meaningful discussion.

Greg Oden's Hog

March 30th, 2011
7:17 am

Nothing an Arby’s Big Montana can’t cure. With horse radish of course.

What?

March 30th, 2011
7:17 am

Anyone giving thought to these type of discussions has way too much time on their hands.

str8

March 30th, 2011
7:19 am

Do what you love and love will come to you… Join us on April 16th for an evening for a good cause http://www.nurucentergala.org.

Str8 from back in the day!

Geechee

March 30th, 2011
7:34 am

During the break up of my marriage and then moving out, I went around ten or so months without having sex. It wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t the end of the world either. I had other priorities and things on my mind. When it was all over, I didn’t use it as an opportunity to jump into a less than ideal relationship though. I picked up what I could and waited for the right person to come along.

Lum

March 30th, 2011
7:54 am

So we’ve come to this, have we?

Tired Out

March 30th, 2011
8:04 am

My theory would be that, if you are in a serious dating drought (including lack of sex) and going on one date solves both your problems, then you probably should’ve gone out with someone else. I’ve never understood people who “go all the way” on the first date…

Simple Man!!!!

March 30th, 2011
8:29 am

Morning Peeps….

(Now waiting for the real converstion to start)

MC Hammock

March 30th, 2011
8:39 am

I once went almost a whole year without sex, but that was just after college, but it wasn’t intended. I was overseas and working my a$$ off. Since then, I was a regular dater and sometimes just hooked up or went out with her because of her looks and sexuality. Made for some incredible times meeting new people without having to deal with the negatives. Actually, my sex life when I was single was light years better than my sex life after marriage. And that includes with my wife. Now, I have a regular date with Rosie and her five sisters to keep me sane and focused.

Reggie

March 30th, 2011
8:41 am

If you are afraid of lonliness and lack of regular sex, you’d better not get married. I feel ya, MCH.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 30th, 2011
8:44 am

Whatever the reason may be for me to stop having sex, that same reason would probably compel me to not date at that time as well. If I’m dating, then I’m having sex.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 30th, 2011
8:47 am

I marveled (still do) at people that can go more than six months without some form of sex. It truly baffles me.

That stated, when those droughts hit, you gotta ride them out and focus on other things. The single easiest was to stay dry is to get thirsty.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 30th, 2011
8:47 am

easiest *way

Simple Man!!!!

March 30th, 2011
8:49 am

I fully respect anyone who Chooses to forgo sex for whatever reason they attach…But for the life of me, I can not understand how anyone that wants to have sex isn’t doing it….I todays world, in this city, anyone that is looking to have sex should be able to do it pretty easily…..

knockoutblonde

March 30th, 2011
8:51 am

No, no, no….it’s easier for women to avoid the “sexless” period, because men flock like sharks to blood. I don’t have regular one night stands (but I have before), but the sexual part of my life is WAY too important to me. Yes, sometimes I could use just a reasonably attractive male body to get rid of the stress, but I usually have a least a “friend” that I will occassionally fool around with. Have I ever thought “I just need to be ******”? Yep, absolutely. If you are just looking for the coveted “connection”, then that dramatically drains to pool. I can’t see me going a couple of months without it. I might hit some man over the head with a club and drag him back to my place.

Sorry, if I offend some of the regulars here, but sometimes the need over-rides the connection. Is it any wonder that the #1 fantasy among women is the “Anonymous Sex” fantasy? There is something to be said for that. Sex may not be #1 or #2 on my list of important things, but it sure is way ahead of #4 and #5.

Midwife

March 30th, 2011
8:59 am

I think sex is very overrated and the mdia and entertainment presents it as something as necessary as food and water. I’ve gone long periods without it and I didn’t die. It’s nice with a trusted partner, but it’s not something I think about every day.

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
9:01 am

Good morning.

Of course, you know I had to truly chuckle at the topic.

Single and sexless is not a death sentence. Be happy with yourself, as well as with your circumstances. If you think sex defines who you are, then you will no doubt hook up for the sake of hooking up. When you value yourself and your contributions to a relationship you simply will not settle for the “wangs” that are offered to you in the hopes of making you feel wanted/needed/appreciated. It’s easier for some to go “through it” than others. For those in relationships just to be in one to avoid “lonlieness” are pitiful. They’re lowering their self-worth. Being alone is not the same as being lonely.

knockoutblonde

March 30th, 2011
9:06 am

@Dan & Dreams, I agree with you. Why would someone with a stable mind set WANT to go that long without it. SIX MONTHS??? You gotta be kidding me. I can’t imagine someone CHOOSING to do that. If you can do that, more power to you, but I wasn’t cut from that same sheet of cloth. I work hard, take care of my responsibilities and lead a very productive life. But when the need hits, it just hits…sometimes harder than others. Maybe I’m just a man’s mind set trapped in a woman’s body….lol

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
9:06 am

“In [sic} todays world,” is precisely why people aren’t jumping bones for the sheer hell of it. If a person cannot control their horniness, a bigger problem exists. Just because one is horny doesn’t mean they should always act on it. That’s my perspective, but I’m a woman!

knockoutblonde

March 30th, 2011
9:11 am

Leggs, I would NEVER do that just to feel “wanted/needed/appreciated”. That’s crazy. If I do it, it’s because I want to, because I need the release, because I weel….well…..horny (to be blunt). If you engage because you:

1) Don’t want him/her to cheat
2) Doing it just to keep him/her quiet
3) So you will feel needed/wanted/appreciated
4) Just to fill the expected “quota”

Then you are WAY off base and maybe need to be checked for some mental barrier that hampers you from fully enjoying it. I honestly don’t get it.

Simple Man!!!!

March 30th, 2011
9:13 am

Morning Leggs, Morning KOB!!!

Leggs, I don’t think its a matter of not being able to control ones hormones, but just as some choose to abstain, some choose not to….If a person is responsible and decides to have a happy,and active sex life, whats wrong with that???

Simple Man!!!!

March 30th, 2011
9:15 am

And “self love” is just as important!!! In fact I “love” myself EVERYDAY!!!! :) :D :)

knockoutblonde

March 30th, 2011
9:17 am

morning Simple!

I heard this joke once “You know what some people’s idea of a sex maniac is? Anyone that enjoys sex or has more sex then they do.” Truth is, it’s not just a joke.

knockoutblonde

March 30th, 2011
9:22 am

OK, that’s it for me. Gotta hit the bricks. Have a great day everyone!

Celisea

March 30th, 2011
9:22 am

Morning,

So is Diva asking if your judgement is clouded because you haven’t had a good release? That you’re picking the wrong person because you miss the presence of a physical body? Well what about folks that are getting it on the regular with jacked up mates? What’s their reason? All excuses IMO. You’re in a bad relationship because you lack judgement…period. Nothing to do with the lack of sex. Too, IMO…you have to go be grown (fully) to understand abstinence. If you’re looking around wondering “how they do that” and you’re over 35 well you probably got some growing up to do. Not saying you have to refrain but you shouldn’t be asking or trying to understand why folks don’t or ain’t having sex. Many many reasons.

NY state of mind

March 30th, 2011
9:30 am

Morn Fam-

@Midwife- sex is only overrated when you have fallen in love with a grown man who can still wear pull-ups.

People go long periods w/o sex as I have after my divorce. I went an entire year w/o dating or having sex. When I finally checked back in to the dating scene, I was really selective as to who can get it. The pain I experienced after my divorce could have turned me into a complete whore but instead I took a break -made some assessments- reinvented myself- slowly began to trust and jumped back in. That 12 month period really helped me to understand my worth and I’m glad I used it as a healing period.

It may not work for everyone but it did for me. I’m not saying I wasn’t hungry for sex or thirsty for that matter however at that point in my life I needed to digest and eradicate all of my pain and having sex with casual hook ups wasn’t an option.

Celisea

March 30th, 2011
9:34 am

See, the answers is about the same for most that’s practiced abstinence at some point. Not that hard to understand. I’ve done it so I get it.

You know, what comes to mind when I read grown person asking 50 different ways “how they do that”, being abstinence that is, the dog chasing the dog in heat. Hump hump hump hump…not even rhyme or reason….just humping. Humping cause you getting the scent, humping cause you found a hole, humping you wanna stick it….no rhyme or reason or feelings nor precautions, no judgement, no boundaries…just humping.

MC Hammock

March 30th, 2011
9:34 am

@Celisea, I agree. To say that someone is a “prude” or is a “sexual deviant” because of their sex life (or lack thereof), shows a very opinionated attitude and an idea that only “their way” is the correct or normal way. Some people enjoy it more than others and others don’t. It has very little to do with the person going into or staying in a bad relationship. That’s just poor judgement. It has nothing to do with your intimate practices.

Celisea

March 30th, 2011
9:34 am

answers are..not answers is

Celisea

March 30th, 2011
9:35 am

Exactly MC Hammock…maybe they should refrain for a while…lol There’s such a feeling of coming out of something and pulling back awhile. Sometimes you just need to let the smoke clear.

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
9:39 am

@KOB ~ I never said YOU would, just that there are women out there that do exactly that!

@SimpleM ~ sorry, but some can’t control. Guess that’s why there’s something called sex addicts. But I digress. Let me get this straight. I’m not talking about those with active sex lives. Everyone should have one. I’m talking about those having sex for the wrong reasons simply because they don’t have a man/woman in their lives.

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
9:40 am

Sorry, Morning SimpleM!

Reggie

March 30th, 2011
9:40 am

If I’m on a date, it’s going fine, she is attracted to me and I to her and she gives me the que, you bet your bottom dollar that there WILL be some sex going on that night. If I’m not into you or vice versa, then we won’t. It’s nobody’s business. Some people swing, enjoy S/M and groups. I don’t. But it doesn’t lead me to say their “sick”. Others only like it one way, in the bed, for five minutes and don’t want any talking during it. It just means they’re different and different things turn them on. If it’s you….it’s you.

Celisea

March 30th, 2011
9:41 am

Leggs – I’m talking about those having sex for the wrong reasons simply because they don’t have a man/woman in their lives.

What about folks that have someone in the lives and still looking around for more folks to hump…lol

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
9:41 am

“That you’re picking the wrong person because you miss the presence of a physical body?”

@Celisea ~ that’s what I thought she was referring to with the topic. I’m speaking on that premise alone.

Celisea

March 30th, 2011
9:41 am

life not lives….I’m off today

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
9:42 am

I see our posts bumped into each other, Celisea.

Celisea

March 30th, 2011
9:43 am

Leggs – Yes, I saw that too…but I got what you was saying

MC Hammock

March 30th, 2011
9:47 am

I’m not a big believer in the whole “Sex Addict” tag. I just think those people CHOOSE not to say no. Some people feels that they NEED the “O” or the release, but I don’t buy the “I can’t help it” excuse. Anyone on here think that Tiger Woods or that Jesse James dude are sex addicts? Didn’t think so. That’s just a label that the shrink business has created to explain their behavior so they don’t have to accept responsibility.

Tone Loc

March 30th, 2011
9:50 am

“And I looked up and it was her mutha. She said hey you two I was once like you and I liked to do da wild thang.”

NY state of mind

March 30th, 2011
9:51 am

@Leggs..I totally get your point :)

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
9:51 am

@MC H ~ that’s why I said “sex addicts. I digress.” Exactly, just a label that helps one justify why they choose not to control their own actions!

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

March 30th, 2011
9:57 am

How do you handle your single status when it comes to living without sex?

Interesting topic for a rainy day..this should be good. Two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time…that being said,I feel that I’m not going to find/have/be with who I’m suppposed to if there is some random guy/cut buddy/friend w/benefits in his place. Knowing that I made the conscious decision to forego sex until I was in a meaningful relationship. So far it’s been six months and I’m really proud of myself. Don’t get me wrong days like today make me want to reach out and touch someone but I’ve resisted the urges. It’s also allowed me to look at men differently(most times) and not like a piece of meat. Luckily when I’ve wanted trouble I haven’t found any and I’m good with that.

I know the real test will come when the weather breaks and it gets warm….man oh man…

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
10:03 am

@SassyMe ~ kudos. Nice post and I have to concur with every single word! I see nothing wrong with foregoing sex until in a meaningful relationship if that’s the outcome you’re looking for. I have people STDH (shaking their dayum heads) at me but I don’t care. Who really cares what someone on the outside looking feels about your own core belief system??? Who does that?

Leggs

March 30th, 2011
10:09 am

“Luckily when I’ve wanted trouble I haven’t found any and I’m good with that.” Truer words have never been spoken. I feel ya! :lol:

Lady J-Love Zone

March 30th, 2011
10:09 am

music has been a good escape for me………it gets me through…..lol

OMG

March 30th, 2011
10:14 am

While I guess it’s different for each person, as a divorced woman of 41, there are times when I can’t get to sleep without “taking care of business” one way or another. I don’t bed hop, but when I am with a person and feel the vibe (not to be confused with connection), there is nothing wrong as long as you be smart about it. I do have a regular dating partner and we went bonkers on our first date and have dated ever since. We aren’t going to get married or move in together, but to go without is just not in my makeup. Ever since I hit 35, my hormones are on overload and both of us are reaping the benefits. If we part ways, that doesn’t mean I’ll just sulk and go without for 6 months. Just not gonna happen. Those that think you have to be in love, have a connection with or even date him steadily in order to have SPECTACULAR times, you are incredibly incorrect.

Blackfoote

March 30th, 2011
10:17 am

“Being alone doesn’t relate to loneliness” now that “the smoke has cleared” women are seen as sex objects trophies if you will and some women will submit to it blindly or otherwise and others will see themselves in a different way. MCHammock if they’re not sex addicts I will call them predators cause there’s nothing meaningful in having multiple sex partners.