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Dating: Mixed messages turn you on?

According to a recent study,  He loves me, he loves me not: Uncertainty and Attraction, mixed messages can intensify attraction in some people.  That’s odd because it sort of makes me stabby and annoyed.  I end up wishing I never met the ambiguous lad because I’m generally not a fan of he loves me, he loves me not.

It’s possible that I’m just a lazy dater and don’t want to do any work to figure out how a guy feels about me. I remember a time when that is all I ever did, though.  I can’t even count the hours spent deciphering behavior of the men I dated. That was pretty draining so I’m basically not willing to go back to that.

What sort of masochist do you have to be to fall for someone who doesn’t care enough to show you how they feel about you?  Maybe that is a little harsh but what pleasure is there in uncertainty?

How sexy is the cat and mouse game, really? When does it stop being fun and starts becoming a colossal waste of time?

Would you be willing to play the cat and mouse game for someone who just blew you away? Are there rare occasions that you meet someone you feel is worth deciphering mixed messages? Has that ever happened to you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

249 comments Add your comment

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 29th, 2011
10:24 am

@SM

I’m not rushing; never was.

I just don’t see the benefit of spending my precious free time with someone that I frankly don’t like. For what?

Allow me to ask you: why would it take you a while to know?

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 29th, 2011
10:24 am

Get yer popcorn ova here! Freshly popped popco’n!!!
ARed lemme get a bag, extra butter.

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
10:24 am

Curiouser and curiouser.

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:25 am

Hot diggity.

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:28 am

Don’t forget the cokes….gotta have a coke with popcorn.

AmazonRed™ - "Say Yes..."

March 29th, 2011
10:29 am

Well, DJ Sniper has been cleared.

APD…you know you’re like pretty much annoymous right? So you might as well just state who the person is. It’s not like we know your gov’t name or anything…

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
10:30 am

I’m working to get down to goal weight. Is it no butter popcorn, lightly salted? Oh…and I’ll have water with my popcorn.

AmazonRed™ - "Say Yes..."

March 29th, 2011
10:30 am

Celisea – I’m just the popco’n lady. Someone else should be attending to the blog bar.

AmazonRed™ - "Say Yes..."

March 29th, 2011
10:31 am

SCool – You can have it with butter or no butter. I don’t salt and butter it til it comes out the popper.

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
10:31 am

Because you don’t pay attention like I do (LOLOLOL), DJ Sniper. Every time I read your moniker I think of the DC Sniper!

TenderRoni

March 29th, 2011
10:31 am

‘How sexy is the cat and mouse game, really? When does it stop being fun and starts becoming a colossal waste of time?’—It’s fun when I was in my 20’s for the challenge, and just to be a witty and flirt and was living that carefree lifestyle.

The cat and mouse becomes a waste of time when you know what your intentions are before you begin dating and you know what you want.

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:31 am

ARed – I think Dreams is handling drinks.

Dreams – Nonalcholic beverage for me please, if no cokes are available. I take a VIRGIN anything :)

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:32 am

I’ll take…not I take

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
10:32 am

And after *years* of resisting the virtual food convo….I get sucked in.

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
10:34 am

“I take a VIRGIN anything” – don’t think you want a Virgin man!!! :lol: :lol: :lol: I know, I know, I’m silly!

@ARed ~ I don’t really do popcorn so give me half a bag. Watching my cholesterol so no butter or salt. Hell, just keep the bag!

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:35 am

Leggs – Ha ha….noooo ma’am….drinks only :)

AmazonRed™ - "Say Yes..."

March 29th, 2011
10:35 am

I think we have a false alarm on the fireworks show today… the police ain’t talking. :lol:

Back to your regulary scheduled blog topic.

kimmie

March 29th, 2011
10:36 am

Leggs – That’s funny, I think DC sniper too!! Man, I remember that, because my family was scared. We have a lot that reside in the DC/MD area. That Home Depot in Siler Spring, where one of the killings took place, is literally right up the street from one of my aunts. We were so glad when he was caught.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 29th, 2011
10:36 am

Dang “married dude” got La Policia and APD after him. Who’s next? Canadian Mounty and Saddam’s Republican Guard? “married dude” on the run like Fugitive. Tommy Lee Jones after ya a$$. lol

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
10:37 am

Dan..Its not a matter of seeing someone I don’t like….More along the line of taking time to decide if this is someone that I want to invest in long term. I know people that spend more time researching washing machines than they do gettin to know the person that they are involved with. Now I don’t advocate foolishness like delaying calls, the three day rule for a woman to call a guy after a date, or ish like that, but for me, I like to date..really date a person before I decide If there is a chance for something long term….

kimmie

March 29th, 2011
10:37 am

Silver Spring MD, not Siler

kimmie

March 29th, 2011
10:41 am

Simple – To your 10:37, I’d like to know where today we decided not to “date” and get to know someone before making a long-term commitment? Some prefer to actually DATE without the GAMES! Are the GAMES really necessary to dating and getting to know someone?

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 29th, 2011
10:42 am

Watching my cholesterol so no butter or salt.
Shyyyyt ARed just give her a rice cake. lol

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:43 am

The police ain’t talking now but I bet the married dude is sweating bullets.

Sweet Pea

March 29th, 2011
10:45 am

Good Morning!!

The cat and mouse game may be quite interesting for some, however it will certainly warrant my exit especially when you’re 40 and above. I’d rather cut to the chase instead of wrecking my brain trying to figure out if it’s a go or not after spending much time with you. There’s nothing sexy about mixed messages when feelings are caught up, and you’re playing peek-a-boo….Damage Control will be enforced on my behalf!

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
10:46 am

That’s how to po-po do ya’….knows that there is a crime scene, got that bright yellow tape up everywhere, but giving not details.

“Move along. Nothing to see here.”

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
10:47 am

@DreamsM ~ funny. Please no dry a$$ rice cake. I’ll sit over here munching on cantalope and apples!

MC Hammock

March 29th, 2011
10:48 am

I thought he was talking about a woman chasing a married man instead of the opposite? Where is this guy?

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:49 am

MC Hammock – Where is this guy?

Buttchecks and elbows right about now…lol

AmazonRed™ - "Say Yes..."

March 29th, 2011
10:52 am

I bet the married dude is sweating bullets.

I think the opposite. Say his (screen?) name gets called out. Okay…not like we can go to his house and brand a scarlet letter on his forehead. :lol:

Not much can happen on here, other than the entertainment factor. :lol:

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
10:52 am

Kimmie, earlier, Dan stated that after one or two dates, he decides whethr to move on or not. That fine for him, but generally speaking, I dont think that I could learn enough about a person to make a long term dating choice after two dates. I know that I dont disclose everything about me on the first or second date, And i dont expect a woman to do the same. Extending the dating process is not the same as playing by the Steve Harvey rules or the like…I just believe that slowing the process leads to better choices in teh dating world….

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 29th, 2011
10:54 am

That’s how to po-po do ya’….knows that there is a crime scene, got that bright yellow tape up everywhere, but giving not details.
Dang this like a blog Who Done It mystery. Hmmmmmm…married guy could be any of us. Raahahahahahaha

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
10:55 am

I know, Dreams, right? Hell, I wanna know who the undercover officer is. (lol)

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
10:56 am

@MC H ~ I’m taking La Policia to be a female. And, she states “get off the chase married MAN!”

La Policia's assistant

March 29th, 2011
10:57 am

We have everything on video. This whole blog is a cover up for a swinger’s group. Veddy, veddy bad! You are veddy, veddy bad people!

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:58 am

ARed – Not much can happen on here, other than the entertainment factor.

You could be right…althooough, back in the day folks got put on the front page, evidence and all. Maybe they have evidence..lol But yeah for today I don’t think much will happen.

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
10:59 am

If Me.lo antics weren’t put on front street, this person has nothing to worry about.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 29th, 2011
10:59 am

“We have everything on video. This whole blog is a cover up for a swinger’s group. Veddy, veddy bad! You are veddy, veddy bad people!”

GOT D@MMIT! And you all didn’t invite me?!?!? Mother f@#$ers!!

:lol:

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
11:00 am

Me.lo had antics? Really?
That is funny to me.

MC Hammock

March 29th, 2011
11:00 am

Well just dayum, I know tow married guys that are seeing two married women right here in my office. *cocks his head….is that a bad thing? I thought as long as you were married you could do anything. Oh….wait….you have to be married to EACH OTHER. Technicalities…..

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
11:00 am

Yeah, I don’t think MMEELLOO had too much he was tyrna hide…HEEEY MMEELLOO (waving)

kimmie

March 29th, 2011
11:01 am

Simple – Interesting. I agree folks should slow down and get to know each other. Does that extend to sex too – do you believe in delaying that beyond 1 or 2 dates? Because for me personally, I don’t know enough about a guy to want to share myself physically after such a short period of time.

But I do believe you can know if you want to continue to see someone or not after a few dates. Some don’t make it past the first date, because they showed me enough that I don’t care to see any more. And it’s not necessary to play these games or send mixed-messages, like the topic says, to find that out. How do you really get to know someone if the 2 of you are playing games with each other?

MC Hammock

March 29th, 2011
11:01 am

LOL@Swiss….same here. I miss out on EVERYTHING…..

NY state of mind

March 29th, 2011
11:02 am

@Legg, Hammock and Amazon…I totally agree with you. Tricks are kids and why would anyone play not knowing if it would be received as a cat and mouse game. I for one don’t play those games. I’m straight forward as I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings or to be misleading or mislead. I may not always verbalize my feelings but my actions speak just as clear.

Life is about taking risks…but I’m not going to play a cat and mouse game when it concerns love. I’m a big girl and can accept rejection. While most can agree that written communication is the first thing that can be misconstrued but our feelings for one another shouldn’t be.

When did we start this cat and mouse game or should I say at what age? Even in grade school I could remember a classmate giving me a note that says do you like me yes or no..please check a box..even at that age there wasn’t a chase….it was a straight forward question that required a simple answer- Which has lead me to believe if a man is really interested he will tell you or simply show you.

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
11:02 am

Cel – exactly…everybody knows that Me.lo is the blog collector of photos and king of behind the scenes emailing.

Hey my African buddy.

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
11:07 am

Ok, good point, Celisea ~ he wasn’t hiding much.

@SexyC ~ ok, not so much “antics” just down and out speak his sexually perverted mind (LOL). Better?

NY state of mind

March 29th, 2011
11:07 am

Oops my bad…Good Morn Fam!

kimmie

March 29th, 2011
11:07 am

Policia – Last time I checked, all of us are supposedly adults. While cheating is bad, it’s not against the law. And nothing needs to be “covered up”. People can live whatever lifestyle they want. Unless you have some personal interest, unless you are “married man’s” wife, what’s it to you?

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 29th, 2011
11:10 am

@Simple

Yeah, I’m quite upfront about a lot. That’s because I believe in informed consent. I want her to know what she is signing up for, and I want to know as well.

I’m with you on “slowing the process” if you’re just dating to spend time with various people. I wasn’t (after a time). And once I decided that I wasn’t interested in simply spending time, I exerted my efforts toward that goal.

But it’s what you do too.

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
11:11 am

Policia: Sir, we have you on video.

MarriedDude (ala Marion Berry): This btch set me up.