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Dating: Mixed messages turn you on?

According to a recent study,  He loves me, he loves me not: Uncertainty and Attraction, mixed messages can intensify attraction in some people.  That’s odd because it sort of makes me stabby and annoyed.  I end up wishing I never met the ambiguous lad because I’m generally not a fan of he loves me, he loves me not.

It’s possible that I’m just a lazy dater and don’t want to do any work to figure out how a guy feels about me. I remember a time when that is all I ever did, though.  I can’t even count the hours spent deciphering behavior of the men I dated. That was pretty draining so I’m basically not willing to go back to that.

What sort of masochist do you have to be to fall for someone who doesn’t care enough to show you how they feel about you?  Maybe that is a little harsh but what pleasure is there in uncertainty?

How sexy is the cat and mouse game, really? When does it stop being fun and starts becoming a colossal waste of time?

Would you be willing to play the cat and mouse game for someone who just blew you away? Are there rare occasions that you meet someone you feel is worth deciphering mixed messages? Has that ever happened to you?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

249 comments Add your comment

Kat

March 29th, 2011
8:05 am

Soooo glad to be a “real” adult and be past the “does he/doesn’t he” love me game? Happily married and proud of it!

MC Hammock

March 29th, 2011
8:27 am

I think if a guy does that, he may be into you but waiting to see if anything “better” comes along. Guys are pretty straight forward when it comes to a woman they REALLY like. Women can be much harder to pick up on because of the constant mood swings and trying not to appear too enthusiastic. But then again, other jump in with both feet after the first date.

Personally, I like the cat and mouse game, but just for a small while. if it persists, I’m off to greener pastures. But there’s nothing wrong with doing it for a small period of time. The thrill is in the chase! I enjoy seeing if I can get you to like me, but it better not take an awfully long time.

Melania

March 29th, 2011
8:29 am

Good Morning and Agreed Wise Diva…I’m not a fan of cat and mouse when it comes to love. Attempting to play with my heart or my time will get you deleted…from everything!

JASon

March 29th, 2011
8:30 am

“Mixed messages turn you on?”

I suppose if you’re not having much success then any message is a turn-on

knockoutblonde

March 29th, 2011
8:35 am

Oh, I LOVE the cat and mouse game! It keeps both me and him on our toes and adds a sense of excitment. You really can tell if a guy is into you, but still trying to keep playing that “keep ‘em guessing” game. That part isn’t too hard. Just pull away and watch them come running. It involes the wooing, seduction and all the stuff that good relationships involve. It doesn’t have to stop just because you are in a secure relationship or married. I know too many married people that have really stale relationships because they stop all of that and just sit there and stare at each other with the TV on. Liven up and live a little bit. Ever go out with your SO and play the “pick up” game with them? If not, then you should. Talk about HOT!

knockoutblonde

March 29th, 2011
8:39 am

And to add to my post, complaciency and indifference is a dagger straight to the heart of a relationship. Those that just wait for something or someone to come to them easily, won’t have the best match. They’ll just have what’s LEFT.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 29th, 2011
8:46 am

Yeah, you can one: keep playing games and end up playing with yourself; or two: keep trying to get me to chase you until we’re playing “hide and seek” and I stop looking for you.

MikeB

March 29th, 2011
9:06 am

The big misconseption in the world today, is that everything needs to be a game……. And somehow this “game” will insulate a person if things don’t turn out as desired…….

Why do people feel the need to be so manipulative. Why do people get off on the “orchestration” of relationships? All this playa playa bs……. All these people looking for “meal tickets”. People need to quit looking for the free ride, and the completion of their superficial punch lists.

Reggie

March 29th, 2011
9:10 am

I co-sign with MCH, I like it to a point. I don’t like women that just jump in after a couple of dates and declare to you that you are forever for her. Had that happen a couple of times….creepy. But if this goes on for a month or longer, I’m out. You should know something by then.

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
9:13 am

I am sorry, isn’t that what “dating” is??? When did it go form dating and going thru the learning and deciding process to meeting strait to commited???? I completely understand that the process cant go on forever, but DAMN!!!!!

knockoutblonde

March 29th, 2011
9:16 am

Sorry, the best things are worth working for. If it comes to you after one or two dates, then they weren’t in very much demand to begin with and for good reason. I, for one, want a little more out of life than peace and quiet(and predictability). Like I said, if you are just wanting someone to fall for you right out of the gate, good luck. You won’t have the keepers, you’ll just have what’s left in the bowl.

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
9:18 am

Morning KOB….. :)

knockoutblonde

March 29th, 2011
9:19 am

@Simple. Finally, someone that sees it for what it is. It doesn’t have to go on forever, but c’mon, people. Nothing is for sure, whether it’s business, life or love. It’s a learn about each other process, what you/they like and don’t like. It’s an adventure!

knockoutblonde

March 29th, 2011
9:20 am

morning to you, Simple!

Lady

March 29th, 2011
9:23 am

interesting…..morning!

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
9:24 am

Good morning!

Would you be willing to play the cat and mouse game for someone who just blew you away? Two words – HELL NO!

The cat and mouse game is probably front and center when first meeting a person. Some know right off the bat that this is the person they want to get to know and concentrate on doing just that. Others play around trying to decide if this is the one and cut all others, or keep playing the field until the heart and desire to only be with that person sets in. Intrigue is good in a relationship but the back and forth on deciding whether you want to be with a person is a waste of time if done for too long.

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
9:26 am

How are you doing this morning Ms. Leggs????

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 29th, 2011
9:27 am

@Simp(le) and KOB

No one is saying on date 1 for there to be a committment. However, by date 2 or 3, you should know if you want to continue to see the person; and be able to express that.

I guess my reading of the post is that you’ve been dating for a while and still playing the “cat and mouse game”.

CoolShadow

March 29th, 2011
9:28 am

Cat & mouse games are great– for romantic comedies; not so much for men dealing in reality. Men let you know where they stand, feelings of ambiguity aren’t usually the issue.

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
9:32 am

@SimpleM ~ I am well this morning. Thanks for asking. As a matter of fact, I’m cute today, ready for just about anything, and excited to see what the day unfolds.

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
9:34 am

Dan, You go out on two dates that last say…2 hrs each…You mean to tell me that you know if you want to become involved with a woman after four hours???? I am a well traveled 40+ year old guy…There is no way a woman can learn enough about me to make that kind of decision unless she is jsut bucking to be involved…….

knockoutblonde

March 29th, 2011
9:34 am

@Leggs and Dan, I was taking this as you JUST MET the person. After a few dates, you should know, but some don’t even know then. I have many female friends that think people that jump in after a few dates are out of their minds. They think you should date them (and others) many times before you make a commitmemnt. You simply don’t know anyone well enough after just two or three dates.

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
9:35 am

But Leggs, I happen to know for a fact that you are cute EVERYDAY!!!! :) :D :)

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
9:36 am

Why are The KOB and me in such sync today…….

Tired Out

March 29th, 2011
9:37 am

“What sort of masochist do you have to be to fall for someone who doesn’t care enough to show you how they feel about you?”
____

I suppose it’s better than those who fall for someone who treats them horribly, both physically and emotionally.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 29th, 2011
9:38 am

@SM

Yeap. At less than 40, I tend to make decisions about how I spend my time effciently. If, after those 4 hours, there is something that I want to know about the lady (or her to know about me), then I continue; if not, why waste her or my time?

knockoutblonde

March 29th, 2011
9:39 am

lol@Simple, must be the planets lining up perfectly….ha ha

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
9:42 am

What a nice compliment. Thank you, SimpleM.

@KOB ~ basically I’m on some of the page with you. I’m just saying not done for too long a time. I agree, you dong know enough about a person in 2-3 dates.

Simple Man!!!!

March 29th, 2011
9:44 am

Dan, you do you brother, but I gotta ask, whats the rush???

knockoutblonde

March 29th, 2011
9:54 am

I’m out. Work summons me. Have a great day everyone!

DJ Sniper

March 29th, 2011
9:54 am

The cat and mouse thing ain’t my cup of tea either. When I was single, I didn’t deal with that nonsense. That whole “keep em guessing” will cause me to go in the other direction and deal with a woman that is more straightforward. Grown folks ain’t got time for that.

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
9:56 am

Thanks to all who contributed to the E.O.D yesterday.

@kimmie ~ you had the men squirming in delight yesterday.

La Policia

March 29th, 2011
9:58 am

THERE’S A FUNGUS AMONG US. GET OFF THE CHASE MARRIED MAN.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 29th, 2011
10:00 am

Morning
Yeah I don’t mind a little cat and mouse. I like a witty woman who can go blow for blow with me. Of course, I eventually want to see my work pay off, just as she does. I think where you have a problem is when you’re playing with someone who ONLY enjoys the cat and mouse part of it and never has any intention of giving the game direction or a destination.

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
10:02 am

Cat and Mouse – not for adults.

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:02 am

Mixed messages are never welcomed. Give it to me straight.

MC Hammock

March 29th, 2011
10:03 am

Whut da hayell is La Policia talking about? Did I miss something?

SexyCool

March 29th, 2011
10:05 am

The ScoutMob for today is 50% off at Cafe Circa

MC Hammock

March 29th, 2011
10:06 am

Are there some ladies in here chasing married men? Hmmmm…there are some very profitable websites for that sorta thing, ya know….

DJ Sniper

March 29th, 2011
10:07 am

I’m going to assume LaPolicia is talking about me and the fact that I’m married. I could be wrong though.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 29th, 2011
10:08 am

La Policia The defendent has a right to know his accuser. Plus we’re just nosy. lol

AmazonRed™

March 29th, 2011
10:10 am

Morning all -

Mixed messages are frustrating. And I stopped overthinking it long ago. Bottom line is this, when the person is feeling you, they’ll let you know in no uncertain terms. They don’t want to risk losing a good thing.

So, with that being said, if he’s hot and cold, if he relies more on texts or passive communication, if he’s unable to make confirmed plans…he’s just not that into me and I’ll respond accordingly.

Celisea

March 29th, 2011
10:13 am

Do tell. I’m nosey too.

AmazonRed™ - "Say Yes..."

March 29th, 2011
10:15 am

Get yer popcorn ova here! Freshly popped popco’n!!!

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
10:16 am

La Policia is talking about the first poster!

Leggs

March 29th, 2011
10:16 am

Hmmmm, perhaps not?

AmazonRed™ - "Say Yes..."

March 29th, 2011
10:17 am

DJ Sniper, why do you think you’re the only married man posting on here…

Unless you’re guilty…. :lol:

kimmie

March 29th, 2011
10:18 am

Good morning All!

Leggs – Make a simple comment and all of a sudden there’s a video out!LOL!!! Hey, may as well make it work for me! :lol:

On topic – I dated a man once that played the “keep her guessing” game for most of the 2 years we dated. Yes, 2 years, with some long breaks in between. Why I put myself thru that torture I don’t know, and yes I take responsibility for staying around that long! When I finally told him to take a hike it was like Stone Mountain had been lifted off of my shoulders! I mean, thinking back on it, it really was sick, the games I allowed him to play on me. I didn’t know when he was going to call, if we were going to see each other, if he was even in town most times. That mess was not worth the stress.

Never again, I vowed. And I have not. It doesn’t take game-playing to get to know someone. My man let me know up front that he was interested in getting to know me after many phone convos and about 2 dates. It didn’t mean he was ready to be committed. It meant we were going to see each other on the regular so we could get to know each other. Nobody had professed their love. Just decided we interested each other and wanted to see where it lead. Don’t see the issue. :shock:

Grow up, people. Those who profess to love such game-playing are into drama. Cool, do you, but won’t work for me.

DJ Sniper

March 29th, 2011
10:22 am

LOL@ Amazon! I know there are plenty of other married dudes on here. I thought LaPolicia saw my sentence about “When I was single” and decided to post that. I didn’t even notice that the first poster said he was married.

APD

March 29th, 2011
10:23 am

NOT YOU DJ SNIPER. HE KNOWS. SHAME ON YOU.