Dating on the other side of the tracks?
There was a time when you wouldn’t think of dating outside your socioeconomic class. According to a lot of people, this is still an issue in modern day dating. There are still mothers that ask their sons, “Who are her people? What do they do?, ” and if he doesn’t respond with an acceptable profession that signifies affluent wealthy family? Well, that is where things get a little tricky.
Whether you are from a modest, working class family or a wealthy, powerful one, when you make a decision to break from tradition, you have to be prepared for the backlash. A lot of couples realize they are not built for this and others become closer because of it. Do you think our upbringing and our socioeconomic status is an issue in your dating life?
Have you ever dated someone that seemed to come from a completely different world than you? Perhaps you are used to down home, unpretentious surroundings (like me!) and you met someone who spent their childhood in boarding schools and mansions. Do you think it could work?
When we talked about family disapproving of the person you were dating, I wondered how this situation would play out once things got to be serious. Once the family has come to accept your mate, how do you think the cultural and social differences would impact your relationship?
Do you think single people still have to contend with “dating from the wrong side of the track” or has society moved beyond that school of thought?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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361 comments Add your comment
CoolShadow
March 28th, 2011
11:50 am
Wealth is relative. What’s balling to some is a mere pittance to others. Financial resources may differentiate social strata but intangibles like respect, intelligence, stupidity, etc. transcend those boundaries.
kimmie
March 28th, 2011
11:50 am
Celisea – And see, those uppity people actually think they have “class” because of their socie-economic status. When really, with their condescending attitudes, they have no class at all.
Dreams – If you’re a good person, you’re more than welcome to sit at our table, – I like this, so true with us as well!
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
11:55 am
@ AmazonRed, “the jungles”? Might you be from California by chance?
cba
March 28th, 2011
11:59 am
Celisea, having read many of your posts; your action was not surprising at all. As my late maternal grandma would say ” you a good ‘oman”
Celisea
March 28th, 2011
12:01 pm
Kimmie – Exactly. They threw shade and missed the point of it all. That girl was so happy. Happy having move forward from the last point to that point…which is all that matters. Getting her first home, something to call her own and a place for her girls. I didn’t give a second thought to whatever areas she lacked. I was thinking heck you did this, you can do greater things.
Celisea
March 28th, 2011
12:02 pm
cba – Celisea, having read many of your posts; your action was not surprising at all. As my late maternal grandma would say ” you a good ‘oman”
Awwwww, that’s sweet. Thank you.
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:04 pm
I’m a woman and I don’t disagree with the money and “shiny things” references. In my experiences, the gold digging types are exactly the kind of women these type of men tend to attract, so naturally they would be swayed by such.
Show me a financially stable man who will pass over the buxom bombshell for the “average” chic who has it together, and I will sell you prime swamp land in Los Angeles.
For Real
March 28th, 2011
12:06 pm
Wealth, Rich or Just Making it…… None of it matters because character can’t be bought. Right side or wrong side, what I often find is the “Just Making It” crowd are the ones most concern with tracks. The wealthy are insulated from the Rich and Just Making It crowd.
Off on a Tangent:
This world was founded upon the class system. Money somehow equates to Better. Ivy college is better than a community college as if 1 + 1 doesn’t equal 2 at both colleges. The wealthy has always pitted the middle class against the poor. Making the middle class and the poor clamor for the wealthy approval. Which is why you middle class and the poor saying taxing me is okay but don’t tax the wealthy cause they give us jobs.
Simple Man!!!!
March 28th, 2011
12:06 pm
I am reading the comments and I am glad to read that most of our blog family does not buy into this mentality….But the looking down the nose thing does not just end at the wallet…I saw it happen in college when guys who were cool with each other fellout because one chose one frat and looked down on those that didn’t…I see it now when I have lost touch with a friend of 20 years because He decided that being associated with the 100 Black Men was worth more than a lifetime of growth and bonding. As has been said many times already, The draw of the other side of the tracks is powerful…Glad my parents gave me more than that
NY state of mind
March 28th, 2011
12:06 pm
I have dated men who out weighed me in finances and education and vice versa- I held my own round for round in each realtionship. He made more than I did and thought his ivy league education and my community college education made him smarter than me….it did not it only meant he owed more in student loans.
What I have come to realize is that a level “playing” field works best for me. #dontjudgeme”
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 28th, 2011
12:07 pm
“In my experiences, the gold digging types are exactly the kind of women these type of men tend to attract…”
Jumping the Broom — Yeah, funny how that works, eh? You fish with gold-digger bait & you catch gold-diggers… Who knew?
Leggs
March 28th, 2011
12:09 pm
Great ingredients to a wonderful life is, health, laughter, good character, respect, communication, sex and empathy!
For Real
March 28th, 2011
12:09 pm
“Show me a financially stable man who will pass over the buxom bombshell for the “average” chic who has it together, and I will sell you prime swamp land in Los Angeles.” – So, “buxom bombshells” do not have their ish together but “average chics” do? What exactly does a “buxom bombshell” and an “average chic” look like?
SexyCool
March 28th, 2011
12:10 pm
“They often get invited to join various clubs and organizations,”
Unfortunately, many civic and social organizations exist simply for the sake of being exclusionary and fans of themselves. Places to go and say, “Look at me. Look at all I’ve done. Look at how great I am.”
And most often, they require financial commitments that amount to little more than buying acceptance.
For Real
March 28th, 2011
12:12 pm
Anytime anyone needs to put another person down for what they do have or put a person down for what they do not have is a person that’s not happy with themselves.
kimmie
March 28th, 2011
12:13 pm
Simple – Did he not realize that he could have remained your friend and still been in the 100 Black Men? I know some great brothers in that organization – he had it all wrong!
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:13 pm
“I’ve hardly ever met a lady who would admit to herself that she is this way,but I’ve seen so many good men dumped (if they ever got out of the starting gate at all) because the wallet wasn’t as thick as the “Batchelor #2″. Some of those gals are still looking (including two at least who dumped me when I was still on the bottom looking up, both of which would take me back in a heartbeat now, but the door locked behind them). ”
Not mad at the last part at all
and indeed women innately crave security, who doesn’t? Society has brought us up on the notion that the man is the provider. I will not lie; if a man could not hardly provide for himself I certainly wasn’t looking at him seriously. I don’t mean take care of me, I mean be a provider, head of household, etc.
If a man shows me that he is not capable of being a provider I will kindly show him the door. My father instilled this in me at a very young age, and modeled it by always providing for us no matter what.
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:16 pm
@ For Real, you misunderstand me. I suppose I should have said “buxom gold digging bombshell”
All of the men that I know that are well off have this type of woman on their arm as a trophy. She certainly wouldn’t be there if the $ wasn’t.
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 28th, 2011
12:17 pm
“The wealthy has always pitted the middle class against the poor. Making the middle class and the poor clamor for the wealthy approval. Which is why you middle class and the poor saying taxing me is okay but don’t tax the wealthy cause they give us jobs.”
For Real — Why can’t more people see this? You’ve got teabaggers railing against teachers’ unions, with their extravagant $60k salaries & health benefits, but they don’t seem to mind the billions in tax breaks to people so rich they don’t even notice it. As if those rich folks are creating jobs. Bullsh!t. They’re not. They’re buying up stock, they’re buying expensive luxury items, but that doesn’t create jobs. Demand for everyday items creates jobs. And you create demand by putting more money in the hands of as many people as possible, not by concentrating all the f__king money in the hands of as few as possible. I’ll never understand how people can fail to see this….
kimmie
March 28th, 2011
12:21 pm
I’ll never understand how people can fail to see this….
Swiss – Because the rich are rich enough to make sure most people DON’T see this! You know, dumb-down, cut education, keep everyone clueless! Have them voting AGAINST their own best interests!
SexyCool
March 28th, 2011
12:21 pm
“All of the men that I know that are well off have this type of woman on their arm as a trophy. She certainly wouldn’t be there if the $ wasn’t.”
JTB – that makes the assumption that EVERY well off man is with a woman simply and only because of his money. It also makes the assumption that carrying a set of “tig o bitties” mean that you can’t possibly have it together. Yeah…no, don’t agree with that.
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:22 pm
Cool Shadow- wealth is SO not relative. LOL, either you have it or you don’t. Lotta folks THINk they have it, and are sadly, sadly mistaken.
cba
March 28th, 2011
12:23 pm
A few months ago, in an interview, Andy Young said classism is way more damaging than racism. I think this great recession has manifested the traits of both. They both can be a cancer to society.
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 28th, 2011
12:23 pm
Actually, I know the answer to my own question… I see it all the time w/ folks I grew up with — these ultra-right-wing parrots, who just eat up & regurgitate whatever talking points they got from Rush or Glenn Beck that day. Scary thing is, I see most of these folks posting on FB about how they’re home-schooling their kids because they don’t want them to be “indoctrinated” be “government schools.” All I keep thinking is how f__king stupid these azzholes were in school — and now they’re going to be responsible for teaching their kids…? Okay, I’m getting depressed now…
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 28th, 2011
12:24 pm
Oops… “by” not “be”
Simple Man!!!!
March 28th, 2011
12:24 pm
Kimmie…Damn shame too….he has turned into one of those brothers that got into his 40’s and felt like he needed to have those kinds of associations to feel like he has accomplished some things. I don’t understand it now, and I am not sure if I ever will….
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 28th, 2011
12:28 pm
“All of the men that I know that are well off have this type of woman on their arm as a trophy. She certainly wouldn’t be there if the $ wasn’t.”
When people see Mrs. Swiss & I together, they often think I must be loaded to have such a hot wife. But, of course, I’m not. Really, it’s just my enormous c0ck that landed her…
Dan - Simply....Superior
March 28th, 2011
12:29 pm
@Swiss (12:17)
Two words: American Idol, Reality TV or the internet – take your pick.
Long range/term thinking is a thing of the past.
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:29 pm
@ SexyCool, no it does not, as I was only speaking to the well-off men that I KNOW.
SexyCool
March 28th, 2011
12:29 pm
Swizzie – you’re a nutcase.
Simple Man!!!!
March 28th, 2011
12:30 pm
Hey JOB, is wealthy defined as having 1,000,000 or as making 250K a year? How about making 80k but having a net worth of 3mil??? In my eyes, in either case, that makes it ralative….
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:31 pm
@ i’m swiss. I did not want to go there, since it’s a whole other topic and what not. But I was certainly thinking it being a much bigger “AFRO-Disiac, than $$ and power. No pun
But I digress…
Simple Man!!!!
March 28th, 2011
12:31 pm
relative = ralative (sorry ’bout that)
SexyCool
March 28th, 2011
12:32 pm
Okay…so, you’re referring to folks you know PERSONALLY. I was going with the more general thought of folks we know OF.
SexyCool
March 28th, 2011
12:33 pm
Sidebar – is it just me or was the thunder WAY louder than normal last night? Sounded like there bombs being dropped in my neighborhood.
kimmie
March 28th, 2011
12:33 pm
Simple – Some folks(wannabees) are just like that. They are victims really. They’ll never understand what’s really important in this world. When the chips are down, who will really be there to just bring you a glass of water, my mom used to ask.
I get asked to join such organizations alot as well. Some people that are impressed by such things are shocked when I am not. I am all about making a real difference to people that really need help. Not giving money to organizations where it MAY trickle down to those in need. And having hen parties with a bunch of folk that don’t truly care about me but what I can do for them.
Don’t get me wrong, a lot of organizations do great things in the community. I just don’t have the need to see & be seen.
AmazonRed™
March 28th, 2011
12:34 pm
@ AmazonRed, “the jungles”? Might you be from California by chance?
Jumping the broom – You know it!
You must be new here so welcome!
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:34 pm
Wealthy and rich are not the same. Wealth has been passed down from generation to generation, you can’t get rid of wealth. Heck even Hammer blew through $100 million, but wealthy that guy was NOT
Rich= LeBron James
Wealthy= the guy that signs his checks
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:36 pm
@ SexyCool, I specifically said “all the men I know”, and “in my experiences”.
Sorry for the confusion.
Leggs
March 28th, 2011
12:36 pm
@SexyC ~ startled we wide awake at 3:58. I thought I had a laser show going on in my room. It was unbelieveable LOUD!
SexyCool
March 28th, 2011
12:37 pm
JTB – Understood that the first time. My follow up statement was to communicate MY interpretation of your original statement, not a request that you further qualify it.
Celisea
March 28th, 2011
12:39 pm
Sidebar – is it just me or was the thunder WAY louder than normal last night?
I heard and felt it too. Booming that loud and so big that I could feel it underneath and all around me…my mind reflected on the power of God and facing him one day. Seriously. That’s all.
B 4 Real?
March 28th, 2011
12:39 pm
If someone is signing your 50K to 5 million dollar check and patting you on your head you are nowhere WEALTHY, please stop fooling yourself, thats pocket change!!
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:40 pm
kimmie brings up another great distinction between the rich and the wealthy: the wealthy (arguably) aren’t as likely to *flaunt* their wealth. New money will have it on display. “stunting/balling” is what I believe they call it
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:41 pm
“Understood that the first time.”
Great, moving right along…
cba
March 28th, 2011
12:43 pm
@ SexyCool,how did your dog react to the thunder? Since we had our dog fixed, thunder drives him crazy. I hate to admit this, in order to calm him down, he slept ON TOP OF COVERS @ foot of bed.` NEVER, EVER in my life I thought I would allow this.
SexyCool
March 28th, 2011
12:44 pm
cba – either she was fine or I couldn’t hear her over the thunder. (lol)
For Real
March 28th, 2011
12:44 pm
JTB: “All of the men that I know that are well off have this type of woman on their arm as a trophy. She certainly wouldn’t be there if the $ wasn’t.” – I still don’t agree with that… I don’t know how many “well off” men you know but I also do not know how you define “well off” either but logic just doesn’t seem to add up.
Swiss: “I’ll never understand how people can fail to see this….” – Because some people need a reason for why they aren’t Rich. I mean you can’t play the victim if you don’t have a villain. But you have to give it to the wealthy, they have managed to pull the biggest coup of all times. The wealthy has managed to pit the middle class against the middle class. First they came for the teachers then it’s women’s right and it’s on to eliminating Social Security & Medicare. Welcome to the New World Order where companies dictate everything in your life.
Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got THIS T-Shirt and Many More)
March 28th, 2011
12:45 pm
Regarding the comments aboout old and new money, this is best exhibited by sports figures. It is amazing how they can earn more in a year than most people will earn in a lifetime, and still be bankrupt 60% of the time by their 4th year out of the league. Living with riches is a lesson in and of itself. Many people can’t handle it. Strange.
Jumping the Broom
March 28th, 2011
12:46 pm
Speaking of the thunder and facing God, I was awakened at 3:30 by the first bout of it, found myself frustrated by not being able to get back to sleep, had the mother of all thunder claps come through at about 5am and immediately THANKED GOD for me being awake bc had I been sleep I am certain I would have had a heart attack.