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Dating on the other side of the tracks?

There was a time when you wouldn’t think of dating outside your socioeconomic class.  According to a lot of people, this is still an issue in modern day dating.  There are still mothers that ask their sons, “Who are her people? What do they do?, ” and if he doesn’t respond with an acceptable profession that signifies affluent wealthy family? Well, that is where things get a little tricky.

Whether you are from a modest, working class family or a wealthy, powerful one, when you make a decision to break from tradition, you have to be prepared for the backlash.  A lot of couples realize they are not built for this and others become closer because of it.  Do you think our upbringing and our socioeconomic status is an issue in your dating life?

Have you ever dated someone that seemed to come from a completely different world than you?  Perhaps you are used to down home, unpretentious surroundings (like me!)  and you met someone who spent their childhood in boarding schools and mansions.  Do you think it could work?

When we talked about family disapproving of the person you were dating, I wondered how this situation would play out once things got to be serious.  Once the family has come to accept your mate, how do you think the cultural and social differences would impact your relationship?

Do you think single people still have to contend with “dating from the wrong side of the track” or has society moved beyond that school of thought?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

361 comments Add your comment

destin dawg

March 28th, 2011
7:22 am

” Wrong side of the track ” is not exactly the same as ” modest, working class “… so this is a loaded question… there are lots of reasons why some are not more successful… watch for alcoholism, mental illness, or just unstable.. as in multiple jobs / divorces… perceptions can be deceiving too .. many big homes, fancy cars are financed.. $$$ won’t buy happiness.. especially your in laws $$$

Geechee

March 28th, 2011
7:54 am

Does anyone really care about this? Beyond physical attraction, all that I ask for and search for in my companions are that they are intelligent, educated and independent (not clingy). I’ve dated/married ladies from wealthy families and some who were bankrupt and didn’t know it.

Jumping the Broom

March 28th, 2011
8:17 am

In my experiences, people from a much higher SES usually don’t run in the same circles as us common folk. So, no. I and likely never will.

The wealthy are not to be confused with new $, either (read: I just got drafted and now my family is set for life, I have the hottest record out now we’re set for life, etc etc)

Reggie

March 28th, 2011
8:53 am

All I ask is that she be pretty, nice, thoughtful and rate “having sex” right up there with “having air to breathe”. I’m not hard to please….

MC Hammock

March 28th, 2011
8:55 am

There’s a difference between “being wealthy” and “being financially arrogant”. I’ll take the first one, but won’t take the second one no matter what she looks like.

RichDiva

March 28th, 2011
8:56 am

Those of you that think money can’t buy happiness just don’t know where to shop.

Al Bundy

March 28th, 2011
8:58 am

Just make me a sammich and serve it to me naked, all right? Please refrain from speaking until the commercial starts.

Neo

March 28th, 2011
9:01 am

Look, women look at money much the same way that men look at boobs. You can fall in love with someone that doesn’t have it(them), but it’s easier to fall in love with someone that does. Got it?

Change the topic

March 28th, 2011
9:05 am

Ever seen a photo of Lisa Ann? When you look like that, you can date or marry just about anyone in any economic bracket you choose. That woman is simply the most beautiful creature on the face of the earth. End of story, no sequels and no additional comments necessary.

knockoutblonde

March 28th, 2011
9:08 am

Interesting comments so far. Having a LOT of money really isn’t necessary. Having enough to be comfortable is. I don’t decide to date or not date just because of economic standing, unless you are homeless. However, many still do. It’s a fact of life. I make enough money where I don’t have to worry about that. Those that do are looking for a sugar daddy or a sugar mommy. Most of my needs don’t revolve around monetary boundries. Those are the ones that I’m most concerned about.

knockoutblonde

March 28th, 2011
9:21 am

I was being sarcastic about the “interesting comments” by the way.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got THIS T-Shirt and Many More)

March 28th, 2011
9:25 am

Been There, Done That, Got THIS T-Shirt and Many More…yup, big time.

I married way up…cotillion, country club, 5Br 3bath house in a nice suburb of a real city…AND YES IT CAUSED PROBLEMS THROUGHOUT. My inlaws NEVER got past my background even though I know I read probably more than all of them combined, been more places, done more, raised myself up from the basement to the penthouse MYSELF.. Here is what they saw…

Pure Hillbilly. I came from the wrong side of the tracks. I lived in an 8′by 45′ trailer until I was twelve…homes on three sides of the first house I lived in had outdoor plumbing.

My mother-in-law would make snide comments thinking I would not understand but everyone else would. As the guy said in “Sweet Home Alabama”, “just cause I talk slow, don’t mean I’m stupid”.

It causes problems, they with their look down their noses attitude…and me with my stubborn pride. Yes It does make a difference, I know first hand.

Simple Man!!!!

March 28th, 2011
9:32 am

Its Funny that when I made 40K a year, I felt like I could date ANYONE I wanted, regardless of their Economic standing…When I got to 75K or so,I started to notice that my dating pool was shrinking…Now that I am into 6 figures, I am keenly aware that money matters up and down….Its sad, but unfortunatly true…..

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got THIS T-Shirt and Many More)

March 28th, 2011
9:32 am

Another thing. Even if that person loves you, he/she is till cuaght in the middle between you and his/her family. It can and often does cause a lot of tension…tension that no relationship needs.

Geechee

March 28th, 2011
9:42 am

@Randy: Your story matches mine almost exactly. My ex-inlaws were nice enough, but I was always made to feel that I just didn’t belong with them, like I was fortunate to have married into their family. Their daughter has since made poor choices in husbands and Daddy has to help her out financially while my professional career thrived and I have had financial success. Maybe it’s petty, but I chuckle at how things turned out.

One thing I can say about having money is that it does attract more attractive and accomplished women. Money and position do seem to be an attractive quality for many women and having it moves you up on the totem pole. I didn’t make the rules, but I can tell you it is true. The problem Randy, is like you I earned everything and I am not looking to be anyone’s sugar daddy. In the end, I search for women with an attitude like knockoutblonde who can actually hold a career and a conversation.

Leggs

March 28th, 2011
9:42 am

Good morning.

abc

March 28th, 2011
9:43 am

Baby brother married a chick that was what I’d characterize as ‘rough around the edges’. It was irritating to be called ‘hon’ all the time by a 20 year old. I think it was ingrained from her waitressing experience. Crack took hold of her, she disappeared, never to be heard from again. Now baby brother won’t have a relationship, or even date, going on 10 years now — but I have to say, he’s better off than with that piece of trash.

Leggs

March 28th, 2011
9:53 am

“There are still mothers that ask their sons, “Who are her people? What do they do?” – I hope this will always be the case.

But, when someone falls in love, sometimes the family may be overlooked if they disapprove. No doubt, strained relationships all the way around. Some feel it’s worth it and believe they can weather the storm together. Some succeed and some don’t.

Chink

March 28th, 2011
9:53 am

What is important to me is being with someone who can hold their own. I really don’t care what my family thinks… I am not one of those people paper chasing ..I just want a comfortable life, nothing extravagant. With the ability to do the things I want to do without issues.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 28th, 2011
9:55 am

Morning blogville….

First off, let’s qualify this a bit: There are those who think they have $$ and then there are those who really have money. And the latter don’t much associate with the rest of us, as Jumping the Broom touched on, so those types of cross-socio-strata relationships just don’t happen. For the most part, what we’re talking about are varying degrees of working class, some of whom have been able to accumulate a few more of the scraps that fall off the table of the truly wealthy than others.

AmazonRed™

March 28th, 2011
10:05 am

Morning all -

Well, despite my bougie upbrining, I still didn’t grow up in the ‘burbs. There were definitely hood elements to my neighborhood.

My first boyfriend was from a place called the “jungles” He wasn’t a bad boy tho, just lived in a bad neighborhood. He definitely had hood survival skills that didn’t necessarily translate into worrying about things like homework. Our relationship was good for him, as he probably wouldn’t have gotten out of high school without my help/influence/encouragement. I think he got word he was graduating like a few days before the ceremony. :lol:

In any case, our backgrounds came back to haunt us when it was time to go off to school. He went to community college and struggled, and didn’t understand my new life in dorms and partying in a new city.

AmazonRed™

March 28th, 2011
10:09 am

My family would be accepting of me dating someone from the other side of the tracks as long as he treated me right and made an honest living.

I make a (very) modest salary and will admit dating someone who has much better means than me can be intimidating.

Reggie

March 28th, 2011
10:14 am

The most powerful aphrodesiac for women in the known medical world….money and/or power. Nothing else even comes close.

Geechee

March 28th, 2011
10:20 am

@Reggie: Amen brother. The view near the top of the totem pole sure is sweeter.

MC Hammock

March 28th, 2011
10:29 am

Preach on, Reggie. And all the congregation said…..

Danny

March 28th, 2011
10:32 am

Yup. If you want that trophy fish, then you have to use the shiny lures.

Danny

March 28th, 2011
10:37 am

I can imagine the flocks of women about to descend upon us stating their rebuttal, but it doesn’t change the facts. It was the case before, it’s the case now and it will always be the case. Accept it and life will be much simpler.

Leggs

March 28th, 2011
10:41 am

@Danny ~ I think we women are sitting in the cut just reading you guys. Nothing is being said we don’t already know.

AmazonRed™

March 28th, 2011
10:41 am

I can imagine the flocks of women about to descend upon us stating their rebuttal

How’s that working out for ya? Sheesh. The attitudes of you men…

SexyCool

March 28th, 2011
10:42 am

Yeah…what Swiss said. I’ve never run in the circles of folks who have significantly out-earned me to the point that it would be an issue.

Much like kob said, my concern is that you can manage your financial responsbilities with a bit of ease. No…you don’t have to be rolling in dough, but if you are living check to check and pillar to post (especially because of bad decisions and lack of money management skills), well…you and I are not a good match.

Leggs

March 28th, 2011
10:44 am

Exactly, ARed!

SexyCool

March 28th, 2011
10:45 am

Red – Cosign 1009a.

TenderRoni

March 28th, 2011
10:46 am

trophy fish…oh WOW!

Leggs

March 28th, 2011
10:48 am

shiny lures! Any man that feels that’s the only way to get a woman, then he has issues and leads only with his wallet to snare a woman.

Celisea

March 28th, 2011
10:51 am

It was the case before, it’s the case now and it will always be the case. Accept it and life will be much simpler.

Shoot! I guess he got us straight then, huh Way to funny. I got my snacks ready and waiting……..for the flock of blog women to descend….waiting…..waiting….waiting….

kimmie

March 28th, 2011
10:59 am

Good rainy morning all!

I would say I’ve had a taste of both worlds and been very fortunate in that respect. Both of my parents came from humble, yet hard-working and high-achieving backgrounds. For example, my great-grandfather on my mothers side was the first AA postman in that small south GA town. That was his side gig – the family business was carpentry and fine furniture upholstery. They both went on to accomplish great things together. I understand what REAL wealth and high society is. A lot of people have no idea about such a world in the AA community. I also have had times where I had to struggle and understand that side of the world too. I’ve held 2 & 3 jobs at a time. You do what you have to do.

My family can be bougie, but as long as you are respectful, have a strong work ethic, carry yourself with dignity, and treat me right, you’ll have no trouble with them. Education is big with us, true, but not mandatory if the above factors are present and you have some drive about yourself to accomplish things.

Simple Man!!!!

March 28th, 2011
11:06 am

Danny, What the hell were you thinking???

Celisea

March 28th, 2011
11:11 am

First off, let’s qualify this a bit: There are those who think they have $$ and then there are those who really have money. And the latter don’t much associate with the rest of us

So true. Not really many of us have encountered TRULY wealthy folks. I work around six figured folks and deal with the same. If not that, it’s the high end of 5 figures but nowhere does that place one in the “wealthy” category. So yeah, there are folks that THINK they have money and those that truly possess wealth. Families that perpetrate bougie and snub folks versus born bougie and snubbing folks ain’t the same either. With that being said, I haven’t encountered no “rich” folks but even so, I don’t have much for the fake ones or the real ones. What makes a person is character. Can’t be bought, earned nor purchased. Neither can you be born into character. You can be reared with it though.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got THIS T-Shirt and Many More)

March 28th, 2011
11:14 am

Re: “The most powerful aphrodesiac for women in the known medical world….money and/or power. Nothing else even comes close”.

I truly wish I could say that I disagree with this, but actions speak louder than words and I’ve seen this many, many, many times. Women do have a strong basic need for “security”…real or perceived. I’ve hardly ever met a lady who would admit to herself that she is this way,but I’ve seen so many good men dumped (if they ever got out of the starting gate at all) because the wallet wasn’t as thick as the “Batchelor #2″. Some of those gals are still looking (including two at least who dumped me when I was still on the bottom looking up, both of which would take me back in a heartbeat now, but the door locked behind them). They found out the hard way that wealth and power does not mean stable and marriable.

kimmie

March 28th, 2011
11:18 am

Celisea – Folks have no idea! Plus, when some people hear “money” and “educated” they automatically assign the stereotype “snob”. That’s not fair. A lot of the “truly” wealthy people I have come in contact with are some of the kindest. They have nothing to prove, no need to flaunt. They actually have that “character” you spoke of.

At the other end of the spectrum, some of the snobbiest, nasty people I know don’t have a pot to p in when you pull back the layers!

Jenna

March 28th, 2011
11:30 am

This topic isn’t real high on the ecxitement scale and from the discussion so far, isn’t going to end well. Danny, Reggie and Randy have valid points, but really is only mostly true with the women that use their looks to move up the economic scale. While they are the most attractive visually, come up short in the character department. Ared, Kimmie and SexyCool have valid points when dealing with the character and ease of marraige group. No one LIKES to be considered in the group that would “trade up”, but a lot of women will do this for money (security) just like men will “trade out” for the younger, more attractive woman. Neither is admirable by a long shot, BUT that’s the world we live in. Make your choices and then live with the outcome. I know people from both sides that are unhappy because they wish their spouse made more money or would take care of themselves to be more attractive. It’s a funny world we live in, but it’s all we got.

Celisea

March 28th, 2011
11:35 am

Kimmie – Absolutely….everybody that’s got it don’t always fit into the typical stereotype of snob and some wannabes need to stop. LOL I think there’s a fair mixture of both ends of the spectrum (and some in between). I see nothing wrong with having nice things or living well but I have a problem when you project your accomplishments on other people and use that as a guage as to whether some people are “good enough.” Heck we’ll all God’s children and all “good enough.” Not we may always be a good fit for each other but that should be determined by class/status.

Celisea

March 28th, 2011
11:37 am

Now not “Not” …..and shouldn’t be determined not “should be…..”

kimmie

March 28th, 2011
11:37 am

see nothing wrong with having nice things or living well but I have a problem when you project your accomplishments on other people and use that as a guage as to whether some people are “good enough.”

Worth repeating! :)

Celisea

March 28th, 2011
11:41 am

This may not be directly on topic but sorta kinda….

When we went to Miami naturally just about all attending are what we’d consider bougie. The last leg of the trip was doing a Habitat for Humanity project. The young lady awarded the home was on site working alonside us, getting in her required hours. After the site leader introduced and sort of blandly went into her background of making strides to improve her life, folks started gawking and gazing at her like some science project. When you can guess, irked the heck out of me. All the uppity folks asking a gazillion questions. Soooo, where do you work? Do you have kids? Wow, who keeps them? So you’re turning your life around huh? Greeeeat. What will you do with no education though? Community college you say? Oh, okay, but how can you make it if you go back to school? Who’s going to babysit your kids? Wow, so it’s been rough huh? Seriously, everybody has encountered some form of adversity. We need to quit faking the funk. That chick was answering questions left and right as if she was on stage. Ya’ll know me, I pulled her coat tail. She gave me a ride to the hotel (no taxi would come to that neighborhood) and I gave a sister to sister talk about coming up and staying up :) :)

Celisea

March 28th, 2011
11:43 am

I didn’t wait for the bus, I left ahead…I was bout done with the uppities…in case somebody is wondering.

Leggs

March 28th, 2011
11:44 am

Good for you Celesia. I would have done the same thing.

Celisea

March 28th, 2011
11:46 am

Leggs – :) :) I was so proud of her. Although, I had to call foul on “picking up her boo” when taking me back. He should have been at work…lol

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 28th, 2011
11:46 am

Morning
My family doesn’t really subscribe to the “good enough” philosophy. Both come from modest means and worked their way up. They often get invited to join various clubs and organizations, but they’ve always refused. They just aren’t into that kind of stuff. If you’re a good person, you’re more than welcome to sit at our table, if not then you can kick rocks…no matter what your socioeconomic status.

SexyCool

March 28th, 2011
11:49 am

“Seriously, everybody has encountered some form of adversity.”

I love how the ladies are “descending”….er, um, *representing* today.

More to Cel’s point, just because the spoon in your mouth is platinum (silver is so passè), it doesn’t mean that your background is and upbringing was desirable. Dysfunction exists at every income level.