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Dating: Do you breakup when it gets boring?

I tend to get on my guy friends who bounce around from women to women, then whine about not having a special woman in their lives.  I can understand not staying with someone they have no future with, especially when it’s obvious they are not compatible.  I am bothered when they say that things got dull or boring.  Did they ever stop to think that women get bored too?

When you decide to become exclusive and only date each other, that oh so thrilling roller coaster ride that is dating stops. Oddly enough, some of us miss that dizzying ride and yearn to have that same kind of uncertainty in relationships.  By definition, that is the opposite of what we say we want!

Do you think that it’s a good idea to dump someone when things get dull? Do you expect your dating relationship to always entertain you?

What  kind of excitement would keep a man interested in a woman? How should a man broach this subject with someone he is dating, or should he?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

400 comments Add your comment

Yes She Is Cute

March 24th, 2011
9:02 am

Yes She Is Cute

March 24th, 2011
9:04 am

Nope I try to ride out that boring wave and make it work. But if I can’t revive the relationship then yeah its a goner. I think every relationship hits a plateau and that’s normal. But if you are dumping someone every time it gets “boring” you are a serial dater. It has nothing to do with “dull” or “boring”. Anyone who has had long term relationships would know what to expect……

Lady~Spring is Beautiful!

March 24th, 2011
9:06 am

cba did a great assessment of this topic the other day…………..going back to find it and post…..lol

Good Beautiful Morning!

Lady~Spring is Beautiful!

March 24th, 2011
9:13 am

Via cba- ” If the relationship is a springtime fling or microwave relationship”….. which is what “most” of the new dating is considered you have both parties jumping in and out of flings when the fire dies………instant gratification type of world…….lust is ruling the scenes which creates such….also as many get older they get set in their ways and also less likely to be exclusive after dealing with it prior………This is not an assessment for all bc trust there are great dating relationships that move forward with the same goal…….majority is just ruling currently……my $.03 lol

MC Hammock

March 24th, 2011
9:20 am

I think you may be off in your deductions. Women want the security of the relationship. Men want the excitement that comes from them wanting to please the oman, and succeeding as well as the woman wanting to please the man. I’m not saying that women don’t want the excitement or don’t become bored. It’s just the way the two genders are wired. Women want the connection along with the security that they have someone that wants them and needs them. Men want the connection, but also that excitement, the passion and the sponteneity. Just my two cents..

If I weren’t married to that person, would I leave if it became boring, routine and little excitement? In a heart beat. But when you’re married, you can’t, so it sorta comes with the territory. I saw a study done in Germany that a woman’s testoterone level and thus libido, take a drastic hit after the fourth year in a secure relationship. Men, on the other hand, may decide that there’s no need for the special things that they did while they dated because, after all, they are married. BOTH genders contribute massively to this situation and to deny this is putting your head in the sand. Basically the study stated that what women crave in a relationship (security)is what also makes the man want to move on(routineness). Their words, not mine.

Sweet Pea

March 24th, 2011
9:23 am

Good Morning!

No, I don’t break up when I’m bored as there will always be highs and lows in any relationship whether you’re exclusive or married. It takes both parties to participate in keeping the fire burning…maybe that is why some say opposites attract, however I will venture to say if a person is always laxidasical and NEVER takes the initiative to make things interesting then perhaps they need a reality check instead of blaming another for their humdrum personality.

If a relationship seems to be stagnant, and you’re with someone you love then communicating to them your concerns would be the right thing to do instead getting ghost!

Spontaneity is the key!!

Lady~Spring is Beautiful!

March 24th, 2011
9:26 am

Spontaneity is the key!! Sweet Pea soooooo true!!!!!!

Sweet Pea

March 24th, 2011
9:30 am

meant to say communicating to them about your concerns

COME ON NOW

March 24th, 2011
9:32 am

Well I got extremely BORED in my last relationship. My ex decided he didn’t want to do any of the things he did when we first started dating. Then when I brought it up to him he said that it is what it is…that things change once you become exclusive. I tried for a couple more months and then I gave him the two fingers. If I’m going to keep doing the same things I did when we first started dating I need you to do the same. I want to have fun, go out, be social…not everyday but at least once in awhile. Sitting on the couch all the time is not my idea of fun. I’m not into waiting around wishing and hoping someone is going to change. I realized that who he portrayed himself to be in the beginning is not who he really was at heart. So when I made that discovery I bounced.

Lady~Spring is Beautiful!

March 24th, 2011
9:33 am

Silence is golden and doing thing with a compatilbe mate speaks volumes………………the like factor comes into to play…………a thought…..

Lady~Spring is Beautiful!

March 24th, 2011
9:34 am

meant and doing nothing with a compatiable mate speakes volumes……..

LJones

March 24th, 2011
9:35 am

I realized that who he portrayed himself to be in the beginning is not who he really was at heart. So when I made that discovery I bounced.

C.O.N. you dated his representative

Sweet Pea

March 24th, 2011
9:37 am

Lady~Gotta keep it poppin’ :)

It’s certainly a two-way street..It’s take two to make a thing go right! It’s take two to make it out of sight!!!

COME ON NOW

March 24th, 2011
9:40 am

C.O.N. you dated his representative

LJones–I surely did

Lady~Spring is Beautiful!

March 24th, 2011
9:40 am

yes honey!!!!!! turly out the box activities and thrills……being creative in your space…………the small things are priceless trust! It can happen in a down time to enjoy just as much if we just hit the lottery! Its on the mates to re-create what brought them together…..That is staying power to me! ;)

MC Hammock

March 24th, 2011
9:40 am

COME ON, you hit the nail on the head. You can only do so much to intigate sponteneity, but if they simply refuse or use the “well, we’re married”, schtick, is it any wonder that one of you wants to be released? I agree that people change when they get married, but to go to the complete other side of the spectrum? Nope, it’s fourth and twenty five. Time to punt….

Lady~Spring is Beautiful!

March 24th, 2011
9:41 am

alrighty catch y’all later!

Leggs

March 24th, 2011
9:45 am

Good morning!

Do you think that it’s a good idea to dump someone when things get dull? NOPE! You have to continuously work at keeping the relationship vibrant and exciting. Tune up your relationship like you tune up your car!

Do you expect your dating relationship to always entertain you? Hell no! It’s a two-way street.

chink

March 24th, 2011
9:46 am

This reminds me of teenagers…always bored because they can’t do what they want to do.

As a grown up how can you be bored if you have resources and time…there is nothing wrong with doing nothing and if you have a need for excitement go ahead! But your partner should not be a form of entertainment …

MC Hammock

March 24th, 2011
9:48 am

Leggs, I think that’s a great point. It shouldn’t always fall on one person to do the entertaining while the other is the only one that gets entertained.

Leggs

March 24th, 2011
9:48 am

Awww Sweat Pea, I see you said it’s a two-way street too.

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪I found love on a two-way street, and lost it on a lonely highway….♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

kimmie

March 24th, 2011
9:50 am

Morning Gang!

I chalk it up to maturity. It’s not my job to keep you entertained or yours to entertain me. There will be highs & lulls. If you’re constantly chasing the highs, you’re probably used to drama.

It is on each of us to stay interesting. The only way that can continue is if you actually have something about you that is interesting to the other person. That’s where having some things in common and being compatible come in to play. And you have to actually like each other.

When your relationship hits one of those lulls and the silence is deafening for an extended period of time, to me that is usually a sign that you’ve crashed and burned. It was fun and sexy while it lasted. But you see the only thing you two had going for you was the sex. While that’s important, it won’t sustain a relationship over the long haul. Now everything is out in the open and you see what you really have – nothing.

I realized I really had something with my fiance’ was when we could have nothing going on, just hanging out, reading, watching something mindless on tv or tinkering with something – and we both were okay with that. It was just nice being together. The silence/minimal conversation was not uncomfortable.

Leggs

March 24th, 2011
9:51 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪
True love will never die, so I’ve been told, but now I must cry
It’s finally goodbye, I know

With music softly playing, his lips were gently saying : “I love you”

He held me in desperation, I thought it was a revelation
And then he walked out

How could I be so blind, to give up love for the very first time
To be fooled is a hurting pain, to be loved and fooled
Is a crying shame, while I bear the blame as he laughs my name

With music softly playing, his lips were gently saying: “Honey, I love you.”

He held me in desperation, I thought it was a revelation,
And then he walked out

I found love on a two-way street and lost it on a lonely highway
Love on a two-way street and lost it on a lonely highway

I found love on a two-way street and lost it on a lonely highway!♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Leggs

March 24th, 2011
9:52 am

Love that song! I know we aren’t suppose to post the entire song, but it was so short I thought it would be OK.

chink

March 24th, 2011
9:53 am

Kimmie …you are so right.

SexyCool

March 24th, 2011
9:54 am

Co-sign, kimmie.

Randyt (aka I'm bored at work...so a relationship would be an improvement over this...)

March 24th, 2011
9:55 am

I have a hard time identifying with this topic. If someone is going to be boring, they are almost always going to show that in four or five dates. If I am not interested after this period, I would leave.

What I personally like/seek is someone that I find interesting and stimulating…not someone to entertain me. i want that someone to be someone I am comfortable around and is comfortable with me. By definition, I want someone with whom I can build a solid trust relationship with, and can take off my “man armor” with, without feeling too vulnerable…and I want her to feel the same way with me. Comfort, trust, and passion…not entertainment.

MC Hammock

March 24th, 2011
9:55 am

What happens when the thinks that are “entertaining” or “exciting” to the two parties have suddenly become very and distinctly different. What is when you suggest something she says “Not really” and when she suggest something, you think “I’d rather watch paint dry”? She thinks that you are boring because you don’t share her enthusiasm and you thing she’s become boring because she has some reason for saying “Nope” to yours. You were doing the same things when you dated, but now after marriage, they are very different. What then?

Leggs

March 24th, 2011
9:55 am

The silence/minimal conversation was not uncomfortable. Vital to the survival of any relationship.

Good for you, kimmie!

SexyCool

March 24th, 2011
9:56 am

Incidentally, I just told TheDude yesterday that when I see him my heart still goes pitter-patter. LOL – Yep….I’m corny like that.

MC Hammock

March 24th, 2011
9:57 am

I know that you have to do some things you don’t want to, but what if that, too, is a one way street? You decide to company her on her excurssions, but she doesn’t on yours. What then?

AmazonRed™

March 24th, 2011
10:01 am

Morning -

Good topic. I hate hate hate people who leave for reasons such as being bored. Look, your life is not going to be exciting 24 hours of the day. Find ways to keep things exciting on your own.

I have a friend who got divorced because of being bored. She figured there was something better for her out there. Fast forward 10 years and now she has a baby by a deadbeat and starting to realize her married life wasn’t so bad. Now her days are filled with petitions of support, court dates, and trying to make ends meet while raising a kid on her own. Now she says she regrets getting divorced everyday of her life.

Sweet Pea

March 24th, 2011
10:02 am

CON~ I feel ya :) I too briefly dated a guy that brought the rep w/ his A game on and the real slim shady showed up. After making a few attempts to hang in there, I realized this was the real him so I exited gracefully! After being married for 16 years to someone that didn’t wake up until after I left, I knew I didn’t want to hit the repeat button.

However, I am a true believer of however you start out you need to continue it to keep it going. Consistency is a must!

See ya later…gotta get back to work :)

Randyt (aka I'm bored at work...so a relationship would be an improvement over this...)

March 24th, 2011
10:02 am

@ MCH re: “What then”…good question. It takes more inspiration, innovation, and just swallowing one’s pride and taking one for the team…and most, me included, struggle with working that hard. Not easy.

COME ON NOW

March 24th, 2011
10:03 am

Well in my case, I wasn’t bored just because we didn’t go out. There were plenty other things that contributed to the demise of the relationship. But when you voice your concerns to someone who says they care about you and they pretty much tell you they don’t care and don’t do anything to make things better, there is nothing you can do. Yeah, it’s nice to say just to keep working on it but it is definitely a 2-way street.

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 24th, 2011
10:04 am

Good day..

” Do you expect your dating relationship to always entertain you?”

I don’t think your dating relationship should be your sole source of entertainment. What were you doing for entertainment before you met them? The problem is most people drop everything when they meet someone they like and they end up suffocating their relationship. We must remember balance and space. That’s how you keep things from getting boring. We don’t have to see each other everyday. We have separate lives and some areas are together. Now if you genuinely aren’t happy, then feel free to leave.

The kind of excitement a guy wants is just a good interaction with not a lot of drama. Everytime I talk to you, I dont want to hear about how much you hate your job or other miscellanous details. I just want a cool vibe and interaction between us. I will support you but I am not your therapist.

chink

March 24th, 2011
10:06 am

As a single parent …instead of doing all that nonsense maybe your friend should do something to raise her salary and start enjoying her child.

Having a deadbeat is no excuse she got to do something for herself ..her life should not be boring anymore that’s for sure!

Randyt (aka I'm bored at work...so a relationship would be an improvement over this...)

March 24th, 2011
10:11 am

I do think, having known many, many divorcees, that this is not just a male thing for sure. There seems to often be an ‘unspecified unhappiness’ in ladies taht have been married for ahile. They are unhappy, can’t define where it is coming from but they know something isn’t right, so it must be their partner. I can’t begin to tell you how many ladies I have heard that from…and that is when they chose to leave…only to find that the feeling stayed long after the partner left.

Thus the term “desperate housewives”. By the way, that term has been around long before the show was. It is that unfocussed, unspecified, undefined “I’m not HAPPY. I don’t FEEL the way I should feel. I shouuld feel CONTENTMENT. Seen a bunch of marriages end because of this…not because husband was a jerk, but because of a feeling of discontent.

Leggs

March 24th, 2011
10:11 am

@ARed ~ it’s amazing how many think the grass is greener on the other side only to find out it’s never been mowed.

kimmie

March 24th, 2011
10:15 am

SCool – I am corny like that too! Sometimes I look at him and say to myself “Dang, he’s fine!” My heart pitter-patters too! :)

kimmie

March 24th, 2011
10:19 am

M dot – Cool post. Balance is definitely key.

AmazonRed™

March 24th, 2011
10:20 am

instead of doing all that nonsense maybe your friend should do something to raise her salary and start enjoying her child.

chink – She does enjoy her child. She’s always wanted to be a mom (more than a wife apparently :lol: ). She does what she can to enrich her child’s life.

But the daycare bill and being a sole provider is a real and serious thing.

SexyCool

March 24th, 2011
10:25 am

And even if she were making a great salary, would her easy ability to be the sole provider excuse him from his fiscal responsibility as a parent?

AmazonRed™

March 24th, 2011
10:27 am

@SCool – Right. :lol:

Purple Rain

March 24th, 2011
10:28 am

You have to hang in there and spice things up if it starts to get boring. And let’s face it only boring people get bored.

chink

March 24th, 2011
10:28 am

Sexy

No but even though he is responsible doesnt mean he is going to pay….in the post it states he is a deadbeat. Either he doesnt/cant pay.

I am not for putting deadbeats in prison.

Leggs

March 24th, 2011
10:29 am

Daycare expenses almost did me in. I feel her.

AmazonRed™

March 24th, 2011
10:30 am

The part that strikes me too is that if she had found someone better, than she wouldn’t have regretted getting a divorce. That says to me that it wasn’t a wise decision because it was contengent on getting something out of that decision.

If you’re gonna make a decision like leaving someone, do it because it’s the best thing for you EITHER WAY. Whether you’re happily married 10 years later, or still single.

SexyCool

March 24th, 2011
10:31 am

I’m not either. It really doesn’t solve the problem.

That being said – how would you propose that deadbeats be *encouraged* to step up to their responsibilities?

AmazonRed™

March 24th, 2011
10:31 am

Daycare expenses almost did me in. I feel her.

When she told me wha the bill was…for that ALONE…I just couldn’t. And you have to come up with it every month, without fail. It’s not even a great daycare, it’s good, but not great.