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Dating women: Can you tell when she likes you?

A lot of women refuse to ask a man out or do anything remotely close to “pursuing” a guy.  I understand why and I’ve argued the reasons why women should give it a try.  It’s a personal preference, really.  I don’t think there is a right or wrong way because most of us stick to what works.

Even if women prefer not to do the “heavy lifting” when it comes to dating, I think it makes things a lot easier on men when we let them know we are in fact interested in them.  It sounds simple enough but I know a lot of women who think they are sending some subtle message to men, but the men don’t always catch it.

Now, I am not saying we need to go around clubbing guys over the head and dragging them off somewhere . I mean, that wouldn’t go over well, would it fellas?  I am saying that being direct and upfront about how much you enjoy a man’s company should happen fairly quickly.  It’s been my experience that men respond well to reciprocity in effort and interest level.

Aside from flirting with a guy, how do women let men know they really like them? Do you think the men pick up on whatever signals you are giving them?

Guys, can you tell when a woman is really interested in you? Does it bother you when women aren’t clear about their intentions?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

413 comments Add your comment

JT

March 23rd, 2011
6:30 am

Quite often us guys might have an idea that a woman is interested. But, we tread lightly because if we are wrong, it creates a very awkward situation. I agree that we respond well to reciprocity. Personally, if I don’t think the same level of interest is interest or effort is coming from her, I back off…

observant

March 23rd, 2011
7:54 am

I agree with JT. It is often very difficult to tell a woman’s intentions, especially at bars and other nightspots. I’ve known many women that flirt just to make themselves feel attractive or to get a few drinks from a guy so it becomes difficult to know when a woman is being serious and when she’s just using you for attention.

I generally date girls that approach me because guys are more receptive to the attention. Women can be extremely choosy and just the slightest of comments or action can completely turn a girl off to you. As I’ve gotten older I’ve learned that even with people you do not have an initial connection with an interest can grow over time if you give the situation a chance.

Even when I’m not necessarily into a girl I don’t put up a stonewall in the conversation. I tend to remain friendly with them when they approach me and kindly let them know that I’m not available if I’m not interested.

Geechee

March 23rd, 2011
8:05 am

As a man, I usually know when a woman is interested in me just by the way she communicates, stands (the telltale “lean in”) and hangs around. That being said, I went back to my high school reunion a few years ago and at least three of the most beautiful girls in my class told me how attracted they were to me back then and how they always wanted to date. I had no clue. Damn!

JP

March 23rd, 2011
8:22 am

The cat and mouse game still holds true in dating….if a girl is communicating back to you in anyway you know she’s at least somewhat interesed. It’s a two way street however. When neither of you are showing any cards about how you feel about the other it only ads to the suspense and intrigue. ‘Making out’ for the first time can be a guy’s first clue if she really likes him or not…then when she wants to have serious conversations about personal topics, you’re gaining her trust. Then if she let’s you meet her friends you know it’s heating up, etc. Again, she may have never ’said’ she likes you up until this point but you know she does by her actions.

joe

March 23rd, 2011
8:28 am

I admit I’m pretty clueless when it comes to figuring out how a woman feels about me. Just think of the increase in happy relationships (and lower divorce rates) if women were more obvious about this. Then again, many women frequently have a cellphone glued to their ear so the chances of more spontaneous promising encounters happening is pretty low.

LeeH1

March 23rd, 2011
8:34 am

Get real. Few women are honest enough to be upfront with men. They want to be indrect so if it doesn’t come off their way, they can rationalize it anyway.

Also, women believe in telepathy, and believe that if they think good thoughts to a guy he will pick them up and respond positively. It’s like the little girls who believe they can go into the woods, and if they just think kind thoughts to the cougar, it won’t attack them, just like in all those nature shows by Walt Disney.

Put away childish thoughts. Become a woman, and take a risk, for God’s sake! Guys risk all the time, and deal with rejection, too. And do you rally want a relationship with a man you have to manipulate or refuse to be direct with? What if he is the kind of person who isn’t direct, or wants to manipulate you? Honesty cuts all kinds of game-playing, and this is what frightens so many women. They are more comfortable playing a game that doesn’t work, than being honest and wining.

Lady

March 23rd, 2011
8:38 am

morning……hump day it is!

Lady

March 23rd, 2011
8:50 am

Interesting topic……..

Randyt (aka CLUELESS FOR TODAY)

March 23rd, 2011
8:51 am

Personally, I have misread the tea leaves more often than not. Intelligent, perceptive women have an ability to display more (or less) interest than they are really feeling. I have fallen into that trap many times, only to realize after my emails, texts, etc., are not being replied to that I did not get the hints right. Like I said in my AKA of the day…just call me CLUELESS.

Randyt (aka CLUELESS FOR TODAY)

March 23rd, 2011
8:53 am

“hump day it is” With the pollen, I feel like I’ve been humped…and not a good one.

Lady

March 23rd, 2011
8:59 am

Ray Ray

March 23rd, 2011
8:59 am

Well guys before we start bashing the women about being more up front, honest and to stop playing mind games we need to look at ourselves and do the samething.

Lady

March 23rd, 2011
9:04 am

a man truly told he he had no clue I liked him or was even flirting….he said he just truly thought I was a very nice lady and didn’t think more of it……but there is a flip side that he was interested in me and still founded his way to disclose he was attractive to me……laws of attraction is real….and whats meant to be will I guess…..who knows……but I guess my point is do you just come out and state the obvious or just find your way…….sheesh….lol

MC Hammock

March 23rd, 2011
9:06 am

I’ve always been pretty obvious when I vibe with a female, probably too obvious. I also think I’m pretty adept at picking up signals from her. If I err, I err on the side of negativity by assuming that because she didn’t act the way I would have acted if interested. I know how I would feel if some lady kept coming and coming when I wasn’t interested. I assume that if there isn’t any leaning in to talk, no hand touching, no visible display of excitement or happiness when around me, that she isn’t interested. I don’t repond very well to subtle hints or mind reading. If you’re interested, act interested. Don’t beat around the bush, don’t play coy and don’t play too hard to get. Life can be pretty simple, if you chose to make it that way.

THE INFAMOUS DK

March 23rd, 2011
9:10 am

Well ya dont say Wise.. Really, Seriously, Honestly? What up Fam, just dropping thru for a sec..

Lady

March 23rd, 2011
9:12 am

Hey DK!!! Long time!!!! you ready for our babies graduation!!!! lol

Ray Ray

March 23rd, 2011
9:12 am

I think you state the obvious at a certain point. If it’s someone you just met then maybe getting to know them a little bit first would be the way to go but if you’ve known them for a while then it would be ok to let them know how you feel (if they’re available of course).

knockoutblonde

March 23rd, 2011
9:14 am

I don’t like the games that most women play and I guess they look at me as being too aggressive. I don’t have the time or the patience to short step or play the mind games I see. Men respond to advances just the way women do. It’s a welcomed change from the game show ploys I see. If I want to ask a guy out, I ask him out. I also initiate conversation and if I feel like holding his hand, I grab it. If he pulls away or acts skittish, I stop. I flaunt and show off when I can to get his attention and make sure that he knows that he is the only object of my attention. It has served me very well so far, so why should I change a successful approach. The haters and jealous ladies that think I am just over the top can do no less than bite my rear end. Men like the confidence, ecitement and audacity that women in touch with themselves provide.

knockoutblonde

March 23rd, 2011
9:14 am

Oh, good morning everyone!

Leggs

March 23rd, 2011
9:15 am

Good morning!

I am not saying we need to go around clubbing guys over the head and dragging them off somewhere . I mean, that wouldn’t go over well, would it fellas? Too funny. Some men may like this approach.

Few women are honest enough to be upfront with men. I’m one of those women that are upfront. I will compliment a man if one is deserving. If I’m interested, and I see he’s also interested, it will be known. I remember I was a bar in P’tree Center, and this FOINE, I mean FOINE brother walked in. He was sitting alone drinking. I walked up to him and asked if I could buy him his second round and complimented him on his suit. He was very appreciative and told me women usually don’t approach him. Heck, this man was gorgeous! We became fast friends over the years.

Lady

March 23rd, 2011
9:16 am

chuckle……. ;)

Reggie

March 23rd, 2011
9:19 am

Ever since koblonde has been on this blog, I keep saying “Where are women like this and where can I find one? LOL I can only hope that her appearance fits her attitude about everything…..wow.

Sweet Pea

March 23rd, 2011
9:20 am

Good Morning!

Interesting topic indeed…lurking today while I enjoy the commentary from the men! :)

knockoutblond

March 23rd, 2011
9:22 am

@reggie. Well, thank you very much. I’m not exactly the shy type, you know. As far as my looks, I’m no beauty pagent queen, but I do the best with what my momma gave me. I’ve never had any complaints. But thank you for the compliment very much.

COME ON NOW

March 23rd, 2011
9:29 am

Good morning,

Well I’m one of the ladies that does not approach men. That being said, if I’m having a convo with a guy I will try help the brotha out so he knows I’m interested. I know this will sound bad but if I’m not interested in a guy I will lie and say that I have a boyfriend in order to cut the conversation. I know it’s wrong but I just don’t want to say the dreaded “I’m not interested”. That seems kind of cruel to me. However, I’ve always thought I was pretty obvious in letting a guy know that I’m interested whether it’s body my language, me touching his arm, getting closer and closer to him, touching my hair, etc. I feel that most men pick up on those clues from me because I’ve never had an issue. But I do know that some women expect men to be mindreaders when it comes to picking up on so-called clues. That philosophy will leave you by yourself every time.

SexyCool

March 23rd, 2011
9:34 am

RIP Elizabeth Taylor.

Sassy Me...Juicy Fruit :-)

March 23rd, 2011
9:35 am

Mornting blog familia!!

Nice topic…I have no problem being upfron with men and have no problems complimenting them on a nice suit/tie/shoes/smile,etc. Most times they’re so shocked by it that I find it kinda funny,yet cute at the same time. That being said, tact must come first and foremost such so one is not misunderstood or actions misconstrued.

Leggs

March 23rd, 2011
9:36 am

@kob ~ your last sentence is definitely ON POINT!

Leggs

March 23rd, 2011
9:37 am

Yes, RIP Ms. Elizabeth Taylor.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 23rd, 2011
9:37 am

A closed mouth don’t get fed..

SexyCool

March 23rd, 2011
9:38 am

I have done the approach first thing. But have learned that allowing a man to step to me works best FOR ME. And it’s not because I do not possess the courage or confidence to make the first move. Each of my long term relationships started with his approach and pursuit.

How do I let a man know that I’m interested? I make myself available to be approached and pursued.

knockoutblond

March 23rd, 2011
9:42 am

Hi Leggs, while I won’t be overbearing or approach him like a spide approaches a fly, I want him to know that I have my eye and mind on him. The more open he becomes and the more attention he gives back, the more I open up to him. Now, I won’t jump his bones right there at the table, but a little physicality is definately appreciated by both parties (hand holding, casual kiss, dancing close, etc.)

knockoutblond

March 23rd, 2011
9:45 am

@sexycool, that a great approach, too. To “make yourself available”. If the women play the hard to get routine or act indifferent (as if THEY are the only ones that she be doing the pursuing), they’ll be watching him ask another woman to dance very soon. There’s a difference between eating him up immediately, acting enthusiastic about him and presenting an “I don’t care if you ask me or not” attitude. Women have to at the very least unlock the door to let him in.

Randyt (aka CLUELESS FOR TODAY)

March 23rd, 2011
9:49 am

@ CON re: “But I do know that some women expect men to be mindreaders when it comes to picking up on so-called clues”.

Ya reckon? LOL

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 23rd, 2011
9:50 am

Morning
I love a confident, assertive woman. As with anything in life, if there’s something you want, go get it. If you approach the person you like, then you have a good chance of getting what you’re looking for. If you wait around for people to approach you, then you get what you get which is usually the leftovers. Of course there’s a catch. When you take it upon yourself to approach someone, you also have to take responsibility if you make a bad choice. I think this what alot of women are really avoiding when they say they don’t approach guys.

Leggs

March 23rd, 2011
9:51 am

@kob/SexyC ~ I appreciate both approaches. It is quite endearing when a man approaches and shows interest. I may speak hard sometimes on here, but I’m very soft in my approach. I don’t play “hard to get” games just to see how long he may be interested in me or how much he’s willing to endure before I give in. Naw, can’t do that. But one thing I won’t do with someone I just met is slow dance. Heck, I don’t slow dance period if I’m not in a relationship. That’s just me.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 23rd, 2011
9:52 am

I used to play the “reciprocal touch” game to determine interest. It worked, but after a while it started to bug me.

If we’re adults, despite the cultural/societal norms, we should be able to find a communication style that works for us. For me, for me, I like women that open their mouths and say something.

Without that I can’t/won’t try to glean understanding from your ’signals’ – I’m not landing a plane in hazardous conditions, I’m interacting with a sentient being; and I expect her to act like one.

And strangely enough, this falls back to women (and men) accepting responsibily and accountability for the people in their lives.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 23rd, 2011
9:54 am

*responsibility

Randyt (aka CLUELESS FOR TODAY)

March 23rd, 2011
9:55 am

I have a problem discerning between when “I really had a good time with you tonight” means “I want to see you again…soon”, or when it means “thanks for the free dinner, but no future here”. They sound remarkably similar sometimes. Again, since I do most of my dating from online sites, there is always that whole “Golden Corral” mentality of whether something else on the buffet line would be better. So unless one ALWAYS brings his/her “A-game”, the other would be thinking, “Hmmm, maybe, maybe not…I’d better keep looking”.

Fion

March 23rd, 2011
9:57 am

” It’s been my experience that men respond well to reciprocity in effort and interest level.”

Bingo Wise. That’s all we are looking for. If you are interested, make it clear. If you’re not make it clear. Most of us are “BIG BOY’S” and know to and what to do with the right information.

JT post @6:30 hit it on the head.

BTW JT- 6:30am?????

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 23rd, 2011
10:02 am

@Randy

See my 9:37; if there is no statement of interest, I assume she’s not interested and holla at her sister.

knockoutblond

March 23rd, 2011
10:02 am

@Leggs, it’s different strokes for different folks. I love to dance (slow and shakin dat thang) and just because I dance with you, doesn’t mean we will stay together after the dance. I’m a very touchy feely woman and I’m not for everybody or pleasing to everybody…I know that. I just enjoy company and dancing is just dancing, to me. I enjoy it. if there IS that spark, then it will be obvious whether we are dancing or just sitting at the table.

Raqi V

March 23rd, 2011
10:03 am

IMO a woman should make her interest known but the man should do the pursuing.

I think one of the problems with dating and relationships these days is that some women have created unfavorable positions in where they have taken it out of the man’s hand to do the pursuing. Not all men have handed it over but there are some metro pr!cks out there that sit back and not only let but require woman to chase after them.

A large part of the having the stance of being “the head” in a union for men stems from having put in the work to get the woman he wants. It’s a naturally balancing scale. Or it’s supposed to be.

Raqi V

March 23rd, 2011
10:03 am

Good morning.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 23rd, 2011
10:06 am

Hey Raqi, how y’all doing!!

COME ON NOW

March 23rd, 2011
10:07 am

Each person has their own style of approaching or letting someone know they’re interested. If your style isn’t landing you what you want then you need to switch it up. My style works for me so I’m going to stick with it. I can appreciate a woman who is assertive and will approach a man, I’m just not her. Doesn’t work for me. But whatever the style is, normally if you’re comfortable with it you will exude confidence which people will be attracted to.

knockoutblond

March 23rd, 2011
10:12 am

Off to an appointment. Everyone have a great day!

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 23rd, 2011
10:12 am

Good day

“Guys, can you tell when a woman is really interested in you? Does it bother you when women aren’t clear about their intentions?”

I think it depends on her personality. Some women are more socialable and outgoing than others and can communicate their agenda a lot better.

I think it does bother guys when they don’t know if a woman is interested because when we don’t know, we can end up wasting a lot of time so if she is not interested, I would rather know asap. We are too old for the guessing games!

Also, a guy doesnt want to feel like he is taking out a woman and there are no signs that she is interested. If its like the 5th date and he has initiated all of the dates, he is going to feel that she is not interested more than just hanging out.

Raqi V

March 23rd, 2011
10:13 am

Hey Dan. We are doing good. (considering I am out of percocets) Thanks for asking.

I can’t wait to go see my little boy today. We usually go in the mornings but my husband had a much needed meeting with his employees this morning so we are going to the hospital when he gets back.

How are things with you?

Leggs

March 23rd, 2011
10:14 am

Most definitely, kob!!