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Dating debate: Give up guilty pleasures?

As much as I want a guy to call my own right now, I can definitely appreciate the art of being single.  That’s right, the art.  When you are perpetually single as long as I have been, you get kind of good at it…fortunately or unfortunately, if that makes sense!

One of the first things you have to do when you get coupled up is curb your crazy weird habits as not to scare off your potential Mr./Miss. Right.  Yeah, I know it brings you immense pleasure watching adult entertainment for countless hours, but can that guilty pleasure stick around when you are coupled up?

Should we have to give up our guilty pleasures when we get in a relationship? What about all those fun (naughty?) things that made single life so great?

One of my friends told me that her new man has a problem with her collection of “toys.”  He doesn’t like it for a variety of reasons and he basically said it was disrespectful for her to disregard his request to throw them away.

This made me think about when you draw the line in relationships.  I know women often worry about losing their identity in a relationship.  Is that ever an issue for men?

Do you think that relationship compromise includes changing who you are and what you enjoy to please someone else?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

223 comments Add your comment

Reggie

March 18th, 2011
8:24 am

Actually, I think it’s the men that lose their identity. While we are dating you, we spend all of our time trying to woo and impress you ladies. Once we get married, we spend all of our time trying to stay clear of your wrath. It’s like an oncoming train. We see it coming and have seen what it has done to our married guy friends, there’s just nothing we can do to stop or avoid it.

Cubby

March 18th, 2011
8:29 am

If I found my g/f watching Adult Entertainment or found out that she had a collection of “toys”, it would pretty much turn me on. That means that at least for the time being, she has quite the libido. Everything besides a third person is on the table when it comes to that item.

No, you should not have to give up all of your guilty pleasures when you get married or in a relationship, but it seems that we have to. Women marry men thinking they can change them. Men marry women thinking they won’t change. Both will be disappointed.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 18th, 2011
8:29 am

I never dated with the intention or the goal of changing anyone, and I was (am) cautious of the changes in myself.

For me being genuine, and being the @zzho!e that I am, is what defines me in large part. Why would I hide that? Why would I not share that with the woman that I am seeing?

Did it lose me some relationships, yeap. But in the end, if you didn’t want to deal with me as I am (was/will be) then there was no hope for us anyway.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 18th, 2011
8:31 am

As for the toys, hey she has ‘em, use ‘em. I want my partner to feel as comfortable with me as she ever has with anyone. No judgments, no recriminations, just [you].

Plus, the likelihood of [her] surprising me with anything is rare.

MC Hammock

March 18th, 2011
8:31 am

Well, I’m married and I haven’t known what my real name was for seven years. I do get addressed as Dammit, Hey you and Fertheluvagawd quite often, though…..

MC Hammock

March 18th, 2011
8:35 am

Dan, I’m agreeing with you 100% on that. I don’t want my partner to think she has to lose what attracted me to her just because it might not be “proper”. Why can’t women understand that we LIKED them acting that way when we dated them, so why wouldn’t we like it just as good when we get married? i dunno…..confuses the hayell outta me…..

Big Tim

March 18th, 2011
8:43 am

If the lady don’t accept my guilty pleasures, I put it in her butt. Works every time…

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
8:50 am

Good morning.

Dam@n WD, you must be in my head this morning. Your first paragraph makes perfectly good sense! It is an art! Never looked at it like that, but I like the word.

WOW, her “new” man feels it’s disrespectful that she’s not throwing away her toys at his request. WTF!! What happens when he’s no longer her man and she has no toys. Boy, get a life. TOYS R FUN! Join in or sulk in the corner, baby boy!

destin dawg

March 18th, 2011
8:52 am

naughty toys can be fun for both !!!!

truth

March 18th, 2011
8:53 am

All any man wants is for their women to treat them like their mother did, be a saint in public and a devil in the bedroom.

PM

March 18th, 2011
8:58 am

NEVER MIND THAT. Are the DeKalb police ever going to arrest Nancy Sneiderman for her most probable participation in the planning of the execution of her good husband’s death??!!

James

March 18th, 2011
9:05 am

Actually, one of my biggest requirements in any relationship is that the woman NEVER loses her identity. I fall for someone because they are infinitely unique and attractive to me in that; for her to lose her identity and take on my own is frightening and, frankly, wrong on so many existential levels. I want her to be her–the places we mesh, where our passions collide, are to be learned, not forced by my personality.

If I wanted myself all the time I wouldn’t try and meet women…

I need a juicebox

March 18th, 2011
9:17 am

Get rid of her toys….but why?

I need a juicebox

March 18th, 2011
9:18 am

abc

March 18th, 2011
9:20 am

If who you are and what you enjoy constitutes some kind of offense to your SO, then you’re either with the wrong person, or you have some work to do on yourself, or maybe both. Loss of personal identity is a really weird concept. How can you do that, unless you do so voluntarily, and why on earth would anyone do that? If someone’s trying to force you to change, you can evaluate what they’re trying to change about you and either go with it or not. But if someone is trying to force change upon you, you’re probably hanging out with the wrong person.

Cubby

March 18th, 2011
9:21 am

Truth be told, we want our women to be the tigress that she was when we dated. That’s one of the things that drew us to you. If all we wanted was someone to hang out with, share things with, be friends with and NOT have sex we’d just get a guy room mate. That way, we would have to endure the hyper-sensitive, emotionally traumatic, self induced problems we have to hear about morning, noon and night. If it weren’t for sex, women would have a REWARD on every one of their heads.

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
9:35 am

Raqi asked me to extend a heartfelt hello to all of you, and that she thanks you for all of your prayers.

MC Hammock

March 18th, 2011
9:39 am

I would have really, really, REALLY appreciated if my wife had kept her guilty pleasures cause when we dated, she was a FREAK in every sense of the meaning. Now that we’re married, she has become Mary Poppins.

Fion

March 18th, 2011
9:43 am

“Should we have to give up our guilty pleasures when we get in a relationship? What about all those fun (naughty?) things that made single life so great?”

That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!
I told my ex that I saw nothing wrong with having Rope, Duct tape and a Ball gag
in the mix of our sex life.

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
9:47 am

Never heard of a “ball gag,” but Fion, go to the toy store and purchase some beads! All I can say about those is hmmmmmmmmmmmmm (lololololol).

abc

March 18th, 2011
9:49 am

Ha. Was all that bondage to bind up you, or him? No, don’t tell me, I don’t need to know.

Fa-reeeeek!

MC Hammock

March 18th, 2011
9:54 am

I’m more partial to scarves for binding with blind folds and whatever’s in “Pandora’s Box”. I’ll be as naughty a pleasure as you want me to….lol

Cubby

March 18th, 2011
9:54 am

@abc….It’s only kinky the first time….

Fion

March 18th, 2011
10:02 am

Fion

March 18th, 2011
10:05 am

……..and just for the record, the bondage material was for her. If any tying up is gonna be done around here, I’m doing it! Yeah, I said it!!!!!

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
10:12 am

Being tied up scares me. I don’t think I can give up that much control. To have both arms and legs tied up thereby submitting 100% is a scary thing.

Knockoutblonde

March 18th, 2011
10:12 am

@Fion, Don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it. There’s a whole world of things out there to make you whistle dixie, if you’ll just give it a run. Not for the up tight, but once you try it, you might decide that you prefer it. Just sayin….

Knockoutblonde

March 18th, 2011
10:13 am

you too, Leggs. If you are with someone you trust, there’s no such thing as limits or inhibitions.

SlimNumeroUno

March 18th, 2011
10:14 am

SexyCool

March 18th, 2011
10:21 am

“For me being genuine, and being the @zzho!e that I am, is what defines me in large part.”

Dan – all I can do is laugh. You my dude. I fx wit u.

Fion

March 18th, 2011
10:22 am

@ Knockoutblonde

I think you mis-read my comment. I enjoy the dominate position of tying up the female.

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
10:23 am

I thoroughly understand, Knock, but I would need a “safe word” if things got out of hand since I couldn’t knock the crap out of you to make you stop…kinda kidding….

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 18th, 2011
10:23 am

Morning
Some changes are good, and some aren’t. When in a relationship you have to decide which is which.

Fion

March 18th, 2011
10:26 am

@Leggs
“Being tied up scares me. I don’t think I can give up that much control. To have both arms and legs tied up thereby submitting 100% is a scary thing’

It’s all about trust. That my dear is what that type of experience is all about.

Knockoutblonde

March 18th, 2011
10:29 am

Fion, that’s my point. If you let her do it to you, she’ll feel dominant and it may bring out a side of her that she keeps in because you are dominant. If it’s the rush and simple pleasure that you’re after, variety is the spice of life and sometimes you sprinkle something on it that you haven’t tried to eat before. You might decide that it’s pretty tasty once eaten.

SlimNumeroUno

March 18th, 2011
10:31 am

I don’t think there is anything wrong with experimenting with different things, or having a ‘guilty pleasure’…but if it was excessive then it might throw me off a bit. Something are better received in doses as opposed to straight shot, no chaser. For instance, I don’t want to be on date 3 with you and you bring me back to your basement fully setup like a kids nursery but all the items are adult sized for yourself. That just might shock the heyal outta me and throw me off a bit

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
10:31 am

@Fion ~ I realize it’s all about trust! Apparently, I haven’t trusted anyone yet to go that route w/me!!!

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
10:33 am

@SlimNU ~ it “might throw you off a bit, but I don’t see you mentioning running for the door (LOLOLOL).

kimmie

March 18th, 2011
10:34 am

Morning, Happy Friday Gang!

The beautiful thing about being in a relationship with the RIGHT person is that they accept you for who you ARE. And yes, they are there to support you to make POSITIVE changes, like exercising with you if you are trying to get in shape or bringing in healthy snacks. Or encouraging you to get a check up, things like that. As for any other “habits” or “interests” you have, that’s what makes you you and what attracted the other person to you. If a guy wants a church girl that only wears turtlenecks and muumuus and doesn’t drink anything stronger than lemonade, then that’s who he should seek out. Don’t get that girl and expect her to work the pole you have set up in your basement. Go for what you want and don’t be judgemental of people.

SexyCool

March 18th, 2011
10:35 am

“One of the first things you have to do when you get coupled up is curb your crazy weird habits as not to scare off your potential Mr./Miss. Right.”

Yeah…no…that doesn’t work for me. My idiosyncrasies are what make me who I am. I’m not changing who I am as a person to be in a relationship. I will make concessions to what is single chick behavior versus boo’d up behavior….but that is only logical.

Knockoutblonde

March 18th, 2011
10:35 am

I’m all for the relationship thing, but when you are with that person, you want to do different things with them for your and their pleasure. It’s just up to the individuals to decide what you like. But just to not do it because you’ve been told not to (in that aspect and with an agreeing partner), is like just eating chicken fingers or hamburgers no matter what restaurant you go to. If it makes me or my partner feel good or interests them, there’s not much I won’t try at least once. I guess that’s my guilty pleasure…to be on topic.

Lady

March 18th, 2011
10:35 am

Happy Firday! now let me read the topic….lol

Fion

March 18th, 2011
10:36 am

@Knockoutblonde

…….. hummmmmm ! Fion (scratching his head).

SexyCool

March 18th, 2011
10:37 am

Do you think that relationship compromise includes changing who you are and what you enjoy to please someone else?

I could answer that in one word…but that would be no fun…instead I will answer with a gratuitous “Being Bobby Brown” reference – “Heeellllllll to tha naw!!!”

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 18th, 2011
10:40 am

is like just eating chicken fingers or hamburgers no matter what restaurant you go to.
Knockoutblonde Were you reading my posts yesterday? lol I’m with you though. Be adventurous!

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
10:41 am

Leggs

March 18th, 2011
10:46 am

The laughing faces are for you SexyC (10:37). Don’t know how DreamsM squeezed me out!

Knockoutblonde

March 18th, 2011
10:47 am

I’m not like a lot of women I’m around at my place of employment. I don’t want kids, so I look at “being intimate” as establishing a contact with that person and pure, pure pleasure. I love to talk about it and experiment with it. My guilty pleasure may be my pursuit of creating an environment for myself and my partner that just breathes sexuality. Will I ever change? Maybe when I get much older, but I won’t change any time soon. I don’t act like this around people I don’t know, but when I have a partner, I want him to know that that subject is never far at all from my mind. To be frank, I’m the one with the wandering hands at all times. Guilty pleasure as charged!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 18th, 2011
10:55 am

Knockout Do you have a book out yet? If not, please take my card. It’s time we start marketing and capitalizing off of those guilty pleasures. ;-)

Cubby

March 18th, 2011
10:56 am

Well DAYUM, knockoutblonde! I’m needing to take a cold shower after reading your posts. If you ever are looking for a “partner”, I’ll clear my schedule…..LOL