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In the bedroom: The case for ‘faking it’

I never understood why so many women faked the Big O (O is not for Oprah, obviously).  It just seems like a lose-lose situation, man.  You won’t get what we  all ultimately want and your partner is oblivious to the fact that the chemistry between you two needs a little work.  So why exactly do so many women fake it?  The common answer seems to be because it’s easier..but easier for whom?

Are there certain circumstances that call for you to fake it? Of course, no one wants to make it a habit, but do you think it’s alright to do it when you have no other choice?

One of the most notable scenes about orgasms, like in the history of cinema, is in the movie When Harry Met Sally.  We are still debating whether or not men can tell when it’s really authentic or when it’s fake.  What do you think?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

345 comments Add your comment

BG

March 16th, 2011
6:44 am

If you’re a man and you can’t tell when your women is faking an orgasm, something is wrong. The vagina spasms and you can definitely feel it if it’s real.

Geechee

March 16th, 2011
6:47 am

I would like to hear what the ladies on this blog have to say about this. I would guess that sometimes it is just not going to happen and faking may be easier. All I ever ask is to tell me what works, tell me everything, and I’ll go down that path with zest.

Sally

March 16th, 2011
7:22 am

BG obviously has a huge ego and a small penis.

COME ON NOW

March 16th, 2011
7:29 am

Good morning,

I’ve never really had experiences where the sex was crap but yes, I have faked it on occasion with each partner I’ve had. I may be one of the few women who sometimes have a hard time getting the big O. More often than not I get mine, but there are times, NOT because the chemistry is off, but simply because we’ve been at it for awhile and nothing has happened and dangit, I’m tired. So I fake it and IMMEDIATLY after I do the dude gets his. I used to get upset but now I just charge it to the game. For the other ladies out there: Do y’all have an orgasm EVERY time you have sex? I used to think every woman did but I’m learning that a lot of women don’t “get there” every time. I had a friend who was 31 and had NEVER had an orgasm. She said she faked it every time. I found that extremely weird since she’s had a number of partners.

The Timekeeper

March 16th, 2011
7:36 am

Gee Sally, that was anice Male Bashing response, and obviously what this question was desinged to do. Throw the men uinder the bus wednesday, I guess. Beats humpday for you, does it?

Dudogger

March 16th, 2011
7:37 am

This is not even a valid article. What’d you do, WD, whip this winner up while having your morning dump?

RJ

March 16th, 2011
7:44 am

I agree with Sally. If you want to satisfy your partner…you better learn to talk.

BG

March 16th, 2011
7:49 am

I’ve been exposed…

SlimNumeroUno

March 16th, 2011
7:53 am

Penetration…testing – blog monster

SlimNumeroUno

March 16th, 2011
7:54 am

Well I had a decent post and blog monster didn’t like it…bummer

XOXO

March 16th, 2011
7:59 am

Sally has an even smaller penis

Big Tim

March 16th, 2011
8:03 am

If I can’t get a woman to squirt, I put it in her butt. Works every time…

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 16th, 2011
8:37 am

Yeah,

Faking it is a disservice to yourself.

I’m out to help us both get “there” as best I can, and if you fronting on the directions, it not my fault if you end up lost; cause I know exactly where I’m going.

DTB

March 16th, 2011
8:49 am

I’m with you Big Tim………..

Simple Man!!!!

March 16th, 2011
8:53 am

LOL!!! This should be fun!!! IMO, the best way to figure if she is / has faked it, is to watch how she responds teh next time you try to get with her….if her enthusiasm level is high, then its fair to assume that you did something right…If you try and she gives you teh side eye, half smile..There is a pretty good chance she faked it before just to get you off of her….

MC Hammock

March 16th, 2011
8:55 am

At my age, I can pretty much tell when it’s real or not. Veins pop out, the contractions down there and the occassional “squirt”. I believe when the faking occurs, it’s when 1) The enthusiasm just isn’t there, 2) She just isn’t into the relationship, 3) It goes for longer than she wanted it to and 4) She’s just doing you a favor and letting you “Go ahead”. Have women faked it before with me? Absolutely. Hell, I even faked it once (I had on a condom, grunted, groaned, shuddered, etc)

it seems that the longer you are in a relationship, the more the incidence of her faking it. The naughtyness is no more, the excitement has drastically reduced (same ‘ol same ‘ol) and she simply doesn’t think sexually about you like she did. For the guy causing it, he doesn’t spend enough on foreplay, he’s a three minute wonder, he doesn’t “set the table” like he once did.

NOTHING lights my fire more than seeing my partner lose herself in the act, let go of the worries and stress and concentrate on herself in that moment. Trust me, my “moment” is going to happen anyway. Of course the women will blame the man that he’s not doing his “job” like he use to. My response is that it works if you have a little inspiration from a live, enthusiastic, warm blooded target. The woman isn’t the only one that needs to be impressed and the man isn’t the only one that needs to do the impressing.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 16th, 2011
9:03 am

Had a number of ladies (friends, not lovers) tell me confidentially that they faked it (some faked it a lot). That is one of the reasons why I personally like using my tongue and fingertips so much, I can feel the spasms. As a secondary confirmation, I also have noted that when a woman has made it and I continue stimulation, “it” has become so sensitive that the woman needs to stop…another sign.

Shere Hite reported years ago that her studies showed that only about 1/3rd of women experience orgasm during actual intercourse, but much more with direct stimulation.

So ten fingers, a tongue, and strong neck muscles, can raise the probabilities significantly over just stamina and thrusting..

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 16th, 2011
9:23 am

Morning
Off-topic: PIP to Nate Dogg. Some of his hooks could make up the theme music to my college experience.

On-topic: No matter how much I think I can tell when the O is real, there are women out there who say they can fake it just that good. I like to get her to squeeze out at least one O during foreplay…I call that the Tone-Setter O. Sets the tone for the rest of the activities.

I may be one of the few women who sometimes have a hard time getting the big O
COME Actually I think you’re more the norm, according to the stats (if you believe them).

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 16th, 2011
9:23 am

WayneT

March 16th, 2011
9:24 am

Randy, I co-sign with your last post. Fingers can work wonders. I learned in my early thirties that spending a lot of time with the other appendages can make her twist a lot faster and better than just the in and out routine. However, my wife is one of the lowww percentile where she has ‘em mostly by thrusting…and she has’em a lot. Contractions, face turns red, fluids, etc..the whole bit. She LIKES fingers n tongue, but she wants to get on with the main event so she can finish. I’m a lucky, lucky man…..

COME ON NOW

March 16th, 2011
9:31 am

Well I’m going to venture to say that every woman has faked it at least ONCE. If you haven’t KUDOS to you!

Celisea

March 16th, 2011
9:35 am

CON – I have never faked it. I guess because my relationships have been where my partner “knows” me and feel it would be too transparent…moaning and going on when all for nothing…lol I’ve not gotten one every time but I don’t fake it when it don’t happen.

Celisea

March 16th, 2011
9:43 am

Sometimes I’m okay not getting mine…SOMETIMES not all the time because hey I understand. If I can’t get one when I’m so needing and wanting one I’m just not the happy camper and nope not gonna fake it. Rarely do I NOT get mine….I know how….I was taught how to get in it to get something out of it. I know grazing below does the trick but I like to get mine while you’re getting yours.

A man should be able to feel the spasms among other signs. Let her go first and you’ll definitely know. If you go limp ahead of her then she can fake without you knowing.

COME ON NOW

March 16th, 2011
9:46 am

Celisea-KUDOS :-) Since you don’t fake it, clearly they know you didn’t get the Big O. In that instance did/does your SO ask what happened, do they go on about their business or do you say something?

Referee

March 16th, 2011
9:47 am

Personal Foul on Sally ……….” unnecessary reference to BG’s Johnson!”

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 16th, 2011
9:53 am

@Dreams

RIP fa sho. I might have to pick up Warren G’s album and the Above the Rim sound track too.

I’m also with you on the Foreplay O, when it happens it definitely sets the mood.

Leggs

March 16th, 2011
9:53 am

Good morning.

I “thought” all women faked it a time or two, but I see I’m wrong.

So why exactly do so many women fake it? To be blunt honest, to get the deed over with. Plain and simple. A lot of women who feel sex is a “chore” are more prone to fake it.

Eddie Munster

March 16th, 2011
9:58 am

Sometimes women just won’t have one, aren’t into it or are just teired or stressed out about something. Used to, women said that men didn’t have the stamina. I still hear the “I like it to last for hours” talk, but when “toe meets leather”, they only want the 5-10 minute sprint. Using all the parts BESIDES the Johnson is the best thing in my experience. That or watching the occassional porno together to loosen things up before you begin the dognpony show…lol. You’d be surprised at how many women actually do get off on porn when they feel comfortable with you.

Celisea

March 16th, 2011
9:59 am

CON – Yes it’s known and it’s a given that all the time it’s not going to happen. It’s not that often that it’s not going to happen :) Especially with grazing first but for me I like it better during. Not enough to be up in arms about. If you find though you can’t get there during, straddle…that will get it everytime.

MC Hammock

March 16th, 2011
10:01 am

Leggs, my point of view is if she considers it a chore, if she’s gonna fake it, if she’s just gonna lie there, if she’s just not into it…I’m not interested either. Nothing ruins it like a cold fish. I’ll handle it on my own, thank you.

Celisea

March 16th, 2011
10:04 am

CON/Leggs – There’s been times probably with all of us when you want them to get done already. I will engage enough so I’m not just lying there but I don’t fake it. To carry on with “oooooh, aaaaah, mmmmm, uuuu, yeah baby that’s it” and I’m not feeling none of that? Not happening. If I don’t want to I’m usually dead silent.

SexyCool

March 16th, 2011
10:04 am

The truest clue to a real orgasm is shallow breathing AND an elevated heartrate. Yeah…you can pant enough to be convincing, but you cannot fake a racing pulse.

That being said, I will respond a bit more enthusiastically than I may actually be feeling from time to time. However, I just see that as a part of the confirmation to TheDude that he is headed in the right direction and encouragement to continue.

Regardless of whether or not I experience a climax every time, I do find our encounters extremely satisfying each and every time, for more than one reason, but most of all, because it continually reinforces our bond.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 16th, 2011
10:05 am

@ MCH (good posts) I read a quote one time from a guy that said he would rather trim hedges in an ice storm than make love to a woman who didn’t want him. Me too. Its both of us or neither of us…probably another good reason not to be exclusive unfortunately.

@Eddie M …good post also.

SexyCool

March 16th, 2011
10:08 am

Oh…and as to the spasming va-jayjay – if you have great Kegel control…well…

However, I do not advocate regularly acting out the “O.” If your partner cannot take you to that place – somehow, then there are some communication issues and things that need to be addressed.

You should not put a man’s ego before your right to “happy endings.”

Leggs

March 16th, 2011
10:09 am

@MC Hammock ~ you may not be interested, but unless she’s lying there like a cold fish, you’re going in and most times, you won’t even know she’s faking it. You too will be caught up in the throes of the act that you may not notice. Some are very, very adept at faking IT.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 16th, 2011
10:10 am

“So I fake it and IMMEDIATLY after I do the dude gets his. I used to get upset but now I just charge it to the game.”

C.O.N. — That’s because most of us (dudes) can pretty much c#m on demand… :lol: We’re only holding it back so you ladies can get yours… If it was a race, we could win every time, I promise… :lol:

Leggs

March 16th, 2011
10:12 am

I definitely understand why fake it if you don’t want to engage, just commenting on why women do fake it.

COME ON NOW

March 16th, 2011
10:14 am

Yeah, I’m just not buying the whole men know when the woman is faking it. Most times y’all have NO clue. Just sayin….

I don’t advocate acting the “O” out either but I have done it before. But I’m over doing it now because doing it doesn’t help me one bit. All it does is stroke a man’s ego. More men need to be aware when the Big O is not happening.

COME ON NOW

March 16th, 2011
10:15 am

I’m Swiss–yeah, I don’t know of too many cases where the man doesn’t get his. Almost seems unfair in that respect :-(

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 16th, 2011
10:17 am

So, for the ladies, does getting the O mean that you definitely enjoyed it? I’m asking ’cause a dude can get a nut without enjoying the sex…just going through the motions.

MC Hammock

March 16th, 2011
10:19 am

Leggs, at my age (47), she would have to put on an academy award performance to pull that off. There are too many signs and things that happen to indicate things. I’m no porn star, but I’m certainly no virgin, either. It isn’t about just getting it up, getting it in and crossing the finish line. Randy speaks the truth and I agree whole heartedly. I would rather cut the grass with fingernail clippers during an ice storm than make love to a woman who didn’t want to. It’s a waste of time for both of us.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 16th, 2011
10:20 am

“Almost seems unfair in that respect”

Blame biology. If we don’t nut, the species will die out. :lol:

COME ON NOW

March 16th, 2011
10:21 am

DM-For me, getting the O does NOT mean that I necessarily enjoyed the whole experience. I can enjoy getting the O but sometimes the sex really isn’t all that great it’s just that they may have hit just the right spot at the time. My ex wasn’t that great in bed but I would get Os regularly. Probably because his fav position was when I was straddling and that’s almost a sure fire way for a woman to get the O.

SexyCool

March 16th, 2011
10:21 am

My close has to be pushed back about a week…..buuummm….ERRR….

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 16th, 2011
10:23 am

@CON

One, if it’s just for that night – I don’t really care; and

Two, over time, if you’ve had a few and then fake it; I will know the difference.

@Cel

It’s between you and your man, but I’d be issped if my lady just “laid there” because she wasn’t into it. You got a mouth “speak”, don’t do me no favors.

COME ON NOW

March 16th, 2011
10:26 am

MC Hammock-When I faked it I didn’t go into saying that I was going to fake it and I don’t think most women go into thinking that either. When I have sex I WANT to have sex. But sometimes it just isn’t happening for the woman so she MAY feel obligated to fake it. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to have sex it just may mean that she’s resigned to the fact she may not get the Big O that time and she lets the guy off the hook so that he can get his.

Simple Man!!!!

March 16th, 2011
10:26 am

“I would rather cut the grass with fingernail clippers during an ice storm than make love to a woman who didn’t want to. It’s a waste of time for both of us.”

I am not made at you is thats where you are, But If I am just trying to get a nut, and there happens to be a V jay jay available to catch it, I am going to take that over a self delivered hand job EVERYDAY and Twice on Sunday!!!!

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 16th, 2011
10:27 am

C.O.N. — Yeah, that a good maneuver (cowgirl) — for both parties. I’m also partial to chic face down, flat on her stomach, legs slightly together, me on top, straddling & hitting from behind (don’t know the name for that one) — makes for a good angle of entry… :lol:

Hmm… Odds on this getting past the filter…?

Celisea

March 16th, 2011
10:28 am

Dan – I think you’re getting my post confused with someone else’s. I said I will engage enough to not appear to be just lying there. But I can’t muster up fake moans and oooos and ahhhhhs and yeah babys. Let me go back and reread.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 16th, 2011
10:28 am

Okay, so I can post that ↑ but I can’t say “ridi.cu.lous” :lol: