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Do you lend your honey money?

Dating relationships can sometimes take on marital-type roles.  Whether it’s making joint decisions about where to live, vacation, or even spending money.  A lot of couples figure out that they have some major differences when money becomes an issue.

When a guy I had just started seeing asked to borrow money, I can remember my opinion of him changing a little. I  don’t know if it was the sign of things to come, but his attitude about repaying me didn’t sit well with me at all.  I don’t think it is why we broke up, but it definitely was an eye-opening experience about compatibility.

Money and relationships can be tough for women but I can’t imagine what it’s like for men.  Generally men have a natural desire to provide and protect, but does this apply in dating?  Do men mind loaning money to the women they date? If so, would men raise their gold-digger threat level to green?

Have you ever loaned money to someone you dated? Have you ever asked someone you were seeing for financial support?

Do you think there are a few tips or guidelines for loaning your honey money?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Would you lend money to someone you are dating?

View Results

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232 comments Add your comment

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:21 am

@Celisea ~ you and I must be living the same life! I have the exact same story.

PrincessNik

March 14th, 2011
11:24 am

Celisea

I cosign your 11:20 wholeheartedly

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 14th, 2011
11:26 am

I haven’t been in this situation, but I do know that loaning money to relatives is almost always a bad idea so the dynamics are the same. Usually people borrow money because they can’t get it any other way, credit card, bank, etc. If they can’t get it another way it is usually because they can’t get credit, i.e. not enough income, bad payment history, etc. If they can’t get credit, that usually means they will not have the means to pay it back when they say they will and are just getting deeper in the hole.

If/when they don’t pay it back, it ruins the relationship. Just NOT a good idea if you value the relationship. As someone suggested early in the conversation, consider it a gift and that keeps you from getting hurt.

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
11:29 am

Leggs – Celisea ~ you and I must be living the same life! I have the exact same story.

And just getting off a path to nowhere to doing your own thing is just so much more enlighting and such an easier walk. :) No drama, no mess, no begging, borrowing or stealing…lol And, the satisfaction of doing VERY well, I might add. He always seems jealous at my 2 houses to his none and my benz to his bus ticket. Ha ha ha..ain’t life grand :)

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
11:29 am

PrincessNik – :)

kimmie

March 14th, 2011
11:30 am

Celisea – You are right, God is always right on time!!! I was not a single mother, but I recall how I’ve made it thru 3 downsizing/outsourcing situations and have not missed a beat! Was always able to come up with a way to pay my rent or mortgage and have transportation!

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
11:32 am

Kimmie – You are right, God is always right on time!!! I was not a single mother, but I recall how I’ve made it thru 3 downsizing/outsourcing situations and have not missed a beat! Was always able to come up with a way to pay my rent or mortgage and have transportation!

Exactly…”not missing a beat” always seemed to amaze me!! Girl, out of nowhere, here it comes :)

abc

March 14th, 2011
11:42 am

I’m not a bank, I don’t make loans. I will, however, give gifts of money to loved ones in need, if I can afford it.

SexyCool

March 14th, 2011
11:45 am

Oh…and for the most part, I have learned to not borrow money from anybody.

I have learned that it is best to go without than to incur a personal debt. (They are not really good for friendships….especially when the loaning party can’t afford to have you not pay them back.)

Besides, like kimmie and Cel said, God *ALWAYS* makes a way….ALWAYS.

SlimNumeroUno

March 14th, 2011
11:46 am

‘I say that because he did offer, you didn’t ask and you can use the $$…it’s not like this is an every day occurrence. Why not let him assist you. Men like that’

Leggs – You’re right…I don’t know it is necessarily pride or a slight level of embarrassment…I like to be able to do for myself but I too realize we all have to lean on someone for something at some point, whether it’s money or just a shoulder…

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 14th, 2011
11:46 am

“if you like my puddy like I think you do (since we’ve been at this for a minute), can you help a sister out.”
Leggs Yeah she’s thinking like that because a lot of women don’t usually see sex as an even exchange. They feel like they GAVE him some and that was it. When is comes to sex, women feel like they lost (gave) something, and men treat it like they gained (got) something. Really the giving and the getting go both ways though.

you know what they say “fair exchange is no robbery”
Princess You know it.

hmmmm logic over emotions huh dreamsM and BTW hello
Lady Naw, emotions within the constraints of logic. The two can work together. ;-) How you doing this morning?

she’s sexing him and now she feeling comfy in asking for favors…..in return
Celisea She favored him with some a$$, and he paid her back in d!ck. Nothin else to return…unless she feels like she gave more than she got. Well, then I don’t know what to say… lol

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:51 am

@SexyC ~ I’m with you too. I’d rather go without than incur an unncessary personal debt. God has always been on time! Looking back, I can only marvel at how I got through the things I got through.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:56 am

@SlimNU ~ and, nothing wrong with going back to him asking if his offer is still good!

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 14th, 2011
11:59 am

What’s that line from the Bronx Tale: “eh, so you lost $5 to figure out he’s a deadbeat.”

In that vein, I never give more than I’m willing to lose; and if you’re willing to play me for it then we both win.

For Real

March 14th, 2011
12:24 pm

What up Blog Fam!!!

On topic: I haven’t read any of the post but I’m going to go out on a limb and say most folks said no to lending money to someone they are dating. Now, lets change up the question a bit: Do you lend money to your SO?

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 14th, 2011
12:50 pm

I would say that just asking for a loan would be a deal killer for me. A guy I was working with in England got engaged, spent 40k on her (she needed a car, etc). Four months later, no puddsy, no 40K. She took one look at Cumbria, England (he was committed to staying there for a two year stretch) and said FU, and was gone. Don’t think he acts like a banker for women anymore.

SexyCool

March 14th, 2011
1:02 pm

If someone that I am just dating asked me for a loan, it would not be a deal killer for me.

If a guy’s finances are such that he would *need* a loan from me, I’m sure I would have already seen some evidence of his financial situation being shaky. And it would be his overall financial situation that would kill the deal. And I now know that would happen long before he is comfortable enough to split his lips and ask for my money.

I have gotten burned on the “just until Friday when I get paid” line. Lessoned learned. And much like Dan said earlier, I just considered it the cost of buying that person out of my life.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 14th, 2011
1:04 pm

@ Celisea

Interesting story. I am always intrigued when I see a woman with a lot going for her, marry/have children with someone who everyone but her knows is beneath her and will only hold her back. Although one thing I am convinced of is that everything happens for a reason. My ex-wife and I were so wrong for each other…but the three children we had together was worth every minute of the hurt, anger, and frustration. We may not love each other, but we both love our children very much…and she will always be the one who gave me the greatest gift of all (although now the best of all worlds…have the children in my life and don’t have to put up with her $hyte).

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 14th, 2011
1:07 pm

@ Sexy Cool re: “I just considered it the cost of buying that person out of my life”…this is good and my take on dates and the cost of dating too. Its all good.

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
1:14 pm

Randy – I am always intrigued when I see a woman with a lot going for her, marry/have children with someone who everyone but her knows is beneath her and will only hold her back. Although one thing I am convinced of is that everything happens for a reason.

LOL…exactly. Let me tell you, that dude was so pretty that I was gone from the jump, on top of other not so important (now) qualities. It’s funny too because we moved into an apartment where we shared the responsibilities and never seemed to have problem with. For one thing, it was up in Marietta during the time you could get a spot for next to nothing. So, pretty much we a sweet set up…so I thought. Paid rent, shut down clubs Thursdays – Sundays, I didn’t bother him with his weed habit and he didn’t bother me with my shopping addiction. That is until the baby came. Let me tell you. He was all about a “good time.” And as long as that’s what our lives called for he was good. I guess it sort of like not knowing what a person is cut from until they’re put to a test. But I’m woman enough to admit those qualities or the lack thereof was there all along.

AmazonRed™

March 14th, 2011
1:14 pm

Alright…it’s bracket time. Who you got.

Maybe Steve Fisher can take San Diego State to the title game like he did the Fab Five. (great special last night by the way!)

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
1:16 pm

It’s not so much not willing to loan SO money, there just seem to be a greater issue if he’s gotta ask. Not a good look.

PrincessNik

March 14th, 2011
1:16 pm

ARed

I started watching the Fab Five last night but had to give in to sleep and set the DVR to record the 11pm showing. What i did see was good though, can’t wait to watch the rest.

Fion

March 14th, 2011
1:22 pm

@ For Real a.k.a. (Dr. Bushkin)

“Now, lets change up the question a bit: Do you lend money to your SO?”

If she is not my Wife? The answer is NO!

This is just me, if we are dating. Long before I get to you, there are Friends, Contemporaries, and others within my circle (resources) that I would go to if I needed someone to float me a loan.

just sayin

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 14th, 2011
1:36 pm

Off topic…AJC has slides of people with sex tapes out on the Internet. One of them was that midget MiniMe. I am now concerned with the mindset of people if that is popular for some reason. If people that want to see that are mainstream then I am really concerned about the people around me. Why am I conjuring up visions of the sudience for Jerry Springer for some reason.

Swiss, I’m concerned that you and I are the only sane people left (and frankly am a little concerned about you too).

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 14th, 2011
1:41 pm

Randy — I am perfectly sane; however everyone else is insane and trying to steal my magic bag.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
1:46 pm

You should be concerned about anyone walking around like a beach bum in GA carrying a magic bag!!

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 14th, 2011
1:49 pm

See what I mean? I’m watching you, Leggs:lol:

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 14th, 2011
1:52 pm

The Truth-Whatever the fellas said must be right

March 14th, 2011
1:58 pm

On topic: I used to lend money to the shadiest chick atlanta could produce. Thing was she would always make sure she paid me back, prolly cause she knew she’d need me in the future. I remember the last time we spoke for a while she wanted to clarify that she had paid me back every penny. It was never really that much, maybe $500-1500, but you could expect that pretty much every few months. After that I altered my policy to exclude sig others from loans, unless they have some real fire booty, then they can work the money off.

Really, separating money and love is a good policy unless you really know how that chick rolls. If she’s good with money and gets caught up I’ll help. If she’s bad with cash and thinks I’m her out thats a problem. Family is the same way. I have blood relatives that know they couldn’t borrow my old socks.

Whats up blogsville? For Real, Amred, Kimmie, Leggs Swiss Slim and the rest of the gang.

If anyone wants to buy my internet sex tape drop me $29.95+shipping. I can tell you I was having a bad day which caused the short duration and quick deflation. Had a lot on my mind. :(

kimmie

March 14th, 2011
1:59 pm

4 Real – To answer your question, I would have no qualms about loaning THIS significant other, my fiance’, money. That’s because I know his spending habits. I’m more apt to need to get a loan from him than him me, so if he did, I know it’s either really something serious or extremely minor. Either way, we are in this together now.

With SO’s in the past, large sums of money, no. It’s a pride thing with me and I’ve always liked guys with that same amount of pride about borrowing money.

AmazonRed™

March 14th, 2011
2:02 pm

After that I altered my policy to exclude sig others from loans, unless they have some real fire booty, then they can work the money off.

:lol:

What’s up Truth!

Did you see that Dan joined you in the engaged man’s club. Yeah, the end is near! :lol:

kimmie

March 14th, 2011
2:02 pm

Hey Truth!

Did you get married yet? Isn’t/wasn’t the wedding in March?

kimmie

March 14th, 2011
2:04 pm

“work the money off”

Classic Truth!! :lol:

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
2:05 pm

Hey Truth…good to read you. All’s well here.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
2:05 pm

@i’m swiss ~ {{muah}}

SlimNumeroUno

March 14th, 2011
2:05 pm

Wzuppppppp Truthie

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
2:10 pm

@ARed ~ yes ma’am. Truth and Dan engaged! Probably what caused the devastation in Japan. Truth started the rumblings and Dan stepped on the Richter Scale.

SlimNumeroUno

March 14th, 2011
2:12 pm

Not to be a drag but I found out my mom’s brother (my uncle) was beat to death Friday. We still aren’t sure of all the details but apparently he came home to find 8 dudes in his crib. He lived with his 23 year old gf so not sure if they were friends of hers or not but something popped off and he ended up getting jumped by them. From what I’ve heard, the gf was detained by police and she was supposedly being cooperative with them. :-(

AmazonRed™

March 14th, 2011
2:14 pm

OMG! So sorry to hear that Slim. May he RIP

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
2:15 pm

Oh no, sorry to hear that SlimNU.

kimmie

March 14th, 2011
2:15 pm

So sorry Slim!

SexyCool

March 14th, 2011
2:16 pm

My condolences…

The Truth-Whatever the fellas said must be right

March 14th, 2011
2:17 pm

Slim, I thought we agreed Truthie was only to be used when you’re spooning me.

Dan, congrats bro, Where the hell are you?

Kimmie, been trying to get married but not that easy in a muslim country. We got the med checks and everything but they want statements from our fathers and the judge wants to sleep with one of us, and he doesnt care which. Nah, its been a big headache. We’re considering going to vegas and letting elvis do the thing. When are you scheduled?

Amred, you still in here raising hell? LOL

Hey Leggs

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 14th, 2011
2:19 pm

I could probably sell my sex tapes at a discount because of my not so great celebrity status. Also, with the Batman cape and mask, somehow Christian Bale keeps getting all the credit.

The Truth-Whatever the fellas said must be right

March 14th, 2011
2:21 pm

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 14th, 2011
2:23 pm

Wassup, Truth? You still holding down the desert?

AmazonRed™

March 14th, 2011
2:23 pm

Amred, you still in here raising hell? LOL

Trying too…it’s been real quiet on the blog and a lot of my favorite targets don’t post here anymore. Even me.lo has been MIA

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
2:25 pm

Hey Truth. Since you were my original benefactor, Let me tell you she finished first with a 1.00 in the 400 Meter! It was a beautiful sight!

@SlimNU ~ funny Truth says that because I’m over here thinking “Truthie” should be reserved for some other thangs and places! :lol:

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 14th, 2011
2:26 pm

Sorry to hear that, Slim