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Do you lend your honey money?

Dating relationships can sometimes take on marital-type roles.  Whether it’s making joint decisions about where to live, vacation, or even spending money.  A lot of couples figure out that they have some major differences when money becomes an issue.

When a guy I had just started seeing asked to borrow money, I can remember my opinion of him changing a little. I  don’t know if it was the sign of things to come, but his attitude about repaying me didn’t sit well with me at all.  I don’t think it is why we broke up, but it definitely was an eye-opening experience about compatibility.

Money and relationships can be tough for women but I can’t imagine what it’s like for men.  Generally men have a natural desire to provide and protect, but does this apply in dating?  Do men mind loaning money to the women they date? If so, would men raise their gold-digger threat level to green?

Have you ever loaned money to someone you dated? Have you ever asked someone you were seeing for financial support?

Do you think there are a few tips or guidelines for loaning your honey money?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

Would you lend money to someone you are dating?

View Results

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232 comments Add your comment

Simple Man!!!!

March 14th, 2011
10:16 am

Leggs, Like I said, She is cool, but If she gets sideways over my unwillingness to give up the loot, it won’t be the end of the world…

Fion

March 14th, 2011
10:16 am

@Simple Man!!!!

Straight up Cat! man to man, you know the deal. Loan that, (Give) cause IMHO it ain’t a loan, money at your own peril. When it get’s sideways with Ol’ girl, cause it will,
don’t get ya MOUF all Crooked.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
10:19 am

The more they have sex, the more she may feel he should help her in such a trying time.

Lady J

March 14th, 2011
10:21 am

what about half simple man lol did she say will pay back?!?

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
10:22 am

Leggs – The more they have sex, the more she may feel he should help her in such a trying time.

Don’t shoot me (not you in particular Leggs), why shouldn’t she expect a favor? She’s granting him favors. He said that’s they kind of relationship they have. There’s a price to pay for good times :)

Lady J

March 14th, 2011
10:22 am

but when you loan as PK stated give what you know you live without in a sense……

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
10:23 am

That’s what I’m saying, Celisea.

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
10:23 am

Didn’t I see Sassy post a week or so ago from Africa? Don’t know why I thought about that. Sassy did you go to Africa?

Simple Man!!!!

March 14th, 2011
10:24 am

Fion…Like I said..Not goona happen with her….I still see the humor in the way she played her hand, but the bank is closed for her…And truth is, its not really about the money….She and I are just not like that…I am surprised and tickled that she thought that little of me…

Lady J

March 14th, 2011
10:25 am

interesting……lol

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
10:25 am

Leggs – Exactly…lol Now why is he posting as if it’s a thing strange to ask for money. She’s giving him fun ass…lol We’re grown and know chicks that hand out all willy nilly, no solid relationship tied usually have invisable strings attached

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
10:28 am

@SimpleM ~ really, man! She thought that little of you because you’re sticking it to her, literally. Of course she’s going to ask that person she thinks has the dough. Heck, most of us on this blog know you have the dough. It’s only natural for her to ask the person she’s sexing and sharing bodily fluids with.

Simple Man!!!!

March 14th, 2011
10:30 am

Celisea,
” why shouldn’t she expect a favor? She’s granting him favors. He said that’s they kind of relationship they have. There’s a price to pay for good times ”

LOL!!! She got as good or better than she gave!!! Besides, If I was into paying for puddy, I would go to the Bunny Ranch and get Me a bonefied Professional!!! :D :) :D

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
10:33 am

Simple Man – C’mon man, it’s not really reading like she’s way up on your list of most valued either.. :)

She got as good or better than she gave!!

Alrighty then…on that note I’m done with this one :)

SexyCool

March 14th, 2011
10:33 am

I have loaned in the past. And TheDude knows that he “can get anything I’ve got.”

We don’t do the loan thing. We just give to each other.

He is more likely to give me cash for gas in my truck or to get my hair done or for no reason at all – not because I have asked or because I *need* it, but because he wants to do those kinds of things for me.

I am more likely to do things like pick up some toiletries or socks for him and not expect the money back.

PrincessNik

March 14th, 2011
10:37 am

SexyCool

Your 10:33 that’s a whole other story than some dude/chick you just really got involved with asking to borrow money. Those things you speak of are done out of love and consideration, at least that’s my opinion.

Fion

March 14th, 2011
10:39 am

@ PrincessNik

“Those things you speak of are done out of love and consideration”

Say it again Sista.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 14th, 2011
10:40 am

Morning
I’ve never asked any chick for money. I find a way to make it happen myself or I just go without. If I find myself in a situation where it’s just do or die, then I have a couple go-to folks for that. Of course those same folks know they can have anything from me if they needed it.

Lady J

March 14th, 2011
10:45 am

that is the only time money is an option for discussion PK lol….I was thinking of formers and that desciption fits your point…..I can’t recall random attempts to early asking……reminds me though when I was down and out and came through with what I had and now flourishing………that chic will get through this difficutl time with her car…it will past one way or another…..

AmazonRed™

March 14th, 2011
10:45 am

@PrincessNik – I agree!

I think we’re more talking about times when folks loan out $100+ for some chicken and don’t get it back! :P

SlimNumeroUno

March 14th, 2011
10:50 am

‘She’s granting him favors. He said that’s they kind of relationship they have’

Seems to me if they have “that kind of relationship” then it’s purely physical…hell, he even said they don’t even do the spend the night thing. lol

Lady J

March 14th, 2011
10:51 am

so true slim…….

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 14th, 2011
10:53 am

The more they have sex, the more she may feel he should help her in such a trying time.
Leggs Why would she feel this? She gave him some a$$, he gave her some dizzle…fair exchange. Nothing else is owed.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
10:56 am

@SimpleM ~ don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying just because you have you should lend it. Just saying she’s going to the person she feels can spare it, especially if she’s sexing him! That’s all.

@DreamsM ~ Nothing said about what’s “owed.” She’s probably thinking a along the lines of “if you like my puddy like I think you do (since we’ve been at this for a minute), can you help a sister out.”

PrincessNik

March 14th, 2011
10:56 am

She gave him some a$$, he gave her some dizzle…fair exchange

you know what they say “fair exchange is no robbery”

Lady J

March 14th, 2011
10:57 am

hmmmm logic over emotions huh dreamsM and BTW hello :) ….venus and mars aon why and how folks do it differently for different reasons…….hmmmmm

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
10:59 am

Slim – I agree it’s purely physical but it seems to me because they’re granting each other “favors” she’s now feeling comfortable enough to ask. Probably in a true relationship she wouldn’t have asked. That’s just what I’m thinking though. Purely physical relationships IMO breeds this sort of mentality.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:01 am

Apparently, it’s not a fair exchange since he said he put out more than she. Perhaps he should ask her for a loan?

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 14th, 2011
11:03 am

I must either be extremely lucky, or I must look like I’m broke (could be the latter — I do have that sort of beach bum look going for me), but I’ve fortunately never been put in that position. Now, Mrs. Swiss, on the other hand has folks try her all the time — probably because she comes across as being so sweet and gullible… if they only knew:lol:

I don’t see how I could avoid viewing the chick (or anyone, for that matter) differently if she was asking for $$, however. I know personally, I would be too embarrassed to ever ask for anything, from anyone. I’d have to be in pretty dire straits before I’d be willing to live with the humiliation of asking for $$.

SlimNumeroUno

March 14th, 2011
11:03 am

‘I am more likely to do things like pick up some toiletries or socks for him and not expect the money back’

Sexycool – I don’t know what the urge or desire is but I have a hard time walking past the Men’s Boxer Brief section of a store and not feel compelled to want to pick him up some. lol Is that a women thing or something? :???:

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
11:04 am

Leggs – SimpleM ~ don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying just because you have you should lend it. Just saying she’s going to the person she feels can spare it, especially if she’s sexing him! That’s all.

Leggs I agree. Nobody is saying he “owes” her a thing. But as evidenced she’s sexing him and now she feeling comfy in asking for favors…..in return

PrincessNik

March 14th, 2011
11:04 am

Simple Man!!!!

March 14th, 2011
11:04 am

Leggs, So are you saying I should charge her for access to all ot this goodness!!!LOL :) :D :)

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
11:05 am

I know personally, I would be too embarrassed to ever ask for anything, from anyone. I’d have to be in pretty dire straits before I’d be willing to live with the humiliation of asking for $$.

Me too….I would be embarrassed.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:07 am

“…live with the humiliation of asking for $$.” Wow! That’s a pretty strong way to look at it. Hmmm, don’t know about humiliation. Sometimes, given the situation, you have to put pride to the side and handle your business best way possible. Not saying this is that time, but if I had to ask, I wouldn’t necessary look at it as being humiliated. Yes, we all have our own take on things. Ain’t life grand!
However, by the Grace of God, I’ve been able to maintain and handle mine.

Lady J

March 14th, 2011
11:09 am

grown woman ms leggs! good post! alrighty back to work…. :)

Fion

March 14th, 2011
11:09 am

“Do men mind loaning money to the women they date? If so, would men raise their gold-digger threat level to green?”

Not necessarily, but it’s a clear indication of what she is all about.

The Necked City (ATL) is littered with stories of women playin the Financial Game.
As Celisea said on the last page the “quid pro quo”.

Game, always recognizes Game.

PrincessNik

March 14th, 2011
11:09 am

However, by the Grace of God, I’ve been able to maintain and handle mine

Leggs, I so gotta agree wit you here…….

SlimNumeroUno

March 14th, 2011
11:09 am

I’m so weird about asking for money which is probably not necessarily ALWAYS a good idea. Like right now I need to get my MRI done to figure out what’s up with my bouts of dizziness or whatever. So the SO was like, do you need some $$ (since I must reach my deductible) and I didn’t say yes or no, I just said I need to figure something out in order to get it done, knowing darn well I could use a few dollas…oh well

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 14th, 2011
11:11 am

Leggs — I’m looking at it more from my own perspective… I don’t think that badly about others who are asking for $$, depending on the situation, but for myself, yes, I would feel humiliated at that point.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:13 am

@SimpleM ~ :lol: No, that’s not what I’m saying. But, you can flip the script and ask for some favors too. That’s one thing about sexing, most believe favors come with the territory outside the sex den!

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:14 am

As I typed that, i’m swiss, I said you’re looking at from your perspective. Had to laugh at your analysis of looking like a beach bum and one may think you’re broke as all get out. Very funny!

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 14th, 2011
11:14 am

On a (not really) related note — it was a good weekend for my tennis game. I beat 2 different dudes like they owed me money:-D :lol:

AmazonRed™

March 14th, 2011
11:14 am

Slim – It was nice of him to offer at least. But yeah, in such situation, I’d say no too.

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:15 am

@SlimNU ~ that’s a great example of Pride.

kimmie

March 14th, 2011
11:16 am

Morning Gang!!

I’m on cloud 9 this morning! Just got tix to the John Legend/Sade concert thru the Amex presale!!!!

On topic – I’ve never really had a guy I was dating to ask to borrow money. I guess they all knew I was broke!LOL!! But seriously, other that a $5 or a $20 here or there, after we’ve been dating awhile and just in a case where they didn’t have any cash at the minute, paid right back. I’ve never felt comfortable asking for any either. My fiance’ loaned me $100 once until payday and I paid him right back, though he told me I didn’t have to. I don’t take advantage that way. But putting money in the mix of a relationship can create problems if one feels they are being taken advantage of. And I don’t look too highly on a man that has his hand out to a lady all the time, but it’s not a good look for a true lady either, especially if she wants to be taken seriously and not as a gold-digger.

I actually am more comfortable loaning friends money. First of all, never more than I can afford to lose. MOST have always paid me back. Those that did not – well their credit is no good with me now and again it was an amount I could afford to lose. They can’t borrow anymore from me, but I won’t treat them badly. I actually loaned a good friend $1800 so she could keep her house. She paid me back a few months later in 2 payments of $900. I did not think twice loaning it to her. I had recently come into some money so I had it and was happy to be a blessing to her.

Again, don’t loan more than you can afford to lose. That way bad feelings are kept to a minimum if they can’t pay it back.

Simple – Do you think your friend may see that you are doing well for yourself and assume it’s okay “cause you got it like that?” I know a lot of people that way – they see a person has a nice home, car & job and suddenly think they are a bank!

Leggs

March 14th, 2011
11:16 am

I say that because he did offer, you didn’t ask and you can use the $$…it’s not like this is an every day occurrence. Why not let him assist you. Men like that. Well, SimpleM doesn’t. :wink: :wink:

AmazonRed™

March 14th, 2011
11:17 am

I’m on cloud 9 this morning! Just got tix to the John Legend/Sade concert thru the Amex presale!!!!

:shock: Come up off that code, kimmie and no one will get hurt!!!

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
11:20 am

More so when my kid was smaller I struggled and was in a fix a time or two but I tell you, I’m always amazed at the power of prayer and the good Lord sending relief always right in a time of need. I can say (and thank the Lord), I don’t have those struggles now but I look back over my past years and am ever grateful how at the right time, something would come through. When I realized the kid’s dad was gonna be one of those “gotta make ‘em pay”, I was done with that and moved on. If it wasn’t a promotion, it was a huge raise. If not a raise something unforeseen in the mailbox. I was determined not to “make” a grown man do what should have been natural. He never ever got over how much better I excelled over him once I put all of that behind me.

Celisea

March 14th, 2011
11:21 am

He’s not he