Dating dilemma: Platonic friends
Can men and women truly be friends. Whichever side you think you stand on in this debate, you probably will think twice when you are knee-deep in some situations.
Let’s say your wonderful new romance is getting hot and heavy. You begin merging your social activities and coordinating outings with friends. You meet and interact with the people that have known your date a really long time. Then you meet the one (or more??) they have a history with – the horizontal history, to be more blunt.
Could you be at ease with your date’s platonic friends that are a mainstay in their lives?
I always find that people often say that they aren’t the jealous type and they could trust people who seem trustworthy. This is tested the most when you find out the “platonic friend” (and she’s says he’s just a friend!) had been intimate with your significant other.
When introducing platonic friends to your date, do you wait for the probing question “Did you two ever hook up?” or do you take the preemptive strike and mention prior to the introduction?
Would it bother you if you found out much later the history and evolution of their platonic friendship?
Does it matter how they came to be platonic friends? How do you know if they have both moved on and are being honest and forthcoming with you? Are we entitled to know this sort of stuff if it’s in the past and doesn’t really impact current relationships?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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315 comments Add your comment
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 11th, 2011
12:39 pm
Blackfoote — Not yet, but I would be surprised if he’s still around on Monday. Yeah, that $7 mil buyout w/ the annual rollover is the kind of contract I’d like to have…
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
12:40 pm
Suisse
Yeah, those little critters are something.
It was tougher having to break the news to her. However, I thank God that she didn’t stumble across him in his crate like that.
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 11th, 2011
12:41 pm
Although, as a DAWG fan, I have to say, I hope they keep Hewitt around for many more years….
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
12:41 pm
GT has to do it before Wednesday (3/16) or they have to pay 8 million to can him.
So, we’ll hear something soon.
kellibean
March 11th, 2011
12:42 pm
@Leggs…she didn’t do anything to make me feel threatened or jealous before. It was mainly my insecurities, which have gotten better since we’ve been together. It just bothered me that when we all hung out, her husband and I were pretty much invisible while they caught up. I won’t be around her now. The remarks she made about me were unnecessary and made me feel bad. She feels bad that I saw the comment, but has never stepped up to apologize to me and try to get things right. I told my BF that if she really cares about him, then she will try to make it right with me since we are in love. She and I don’t have to be friends per se, but it would be nice for us to get along and be able to hang out.
Yes…my BF is the 40 yr old musician. We do have some drama, but it really isn’t as bad as it sounds. We’ve gotten through most of the drama and it has settled down. We are both working on trying to have no drama!!!
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
12:44 pm
Suisse
Being Swiss and all, don’t you have one of those nice safe bank account filled with money.
TenderRoni
March 11th, 2011
12:44 pm
Total Off Topic: but was an interesting history lesson
http://www.ajc.com/news/nation-world/washington-the-blackest-name-847195.html
SexyCool
March 11th, 2011
12:46 pm
Grown women fighting is pretty dramatic to me.
SexyCool
March 11th, 2011
12:47 pm
Tenderoni – I forwarded that article to my sister a couple of weeks ago. That’s her new last name.
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 11th, 2011
12:48 pm
PG — Yeah, they are something… I was talking earlier about what a pain-in-the-azz puppy my late dog was… When she was still in her hell-puppy phase, the chick I was with at the time came over after her pet chinchilla had died & she was really upset about it. Now, my dog at that time was crazy. She barked & growled at everybody, she’s have these little “puppy fits” where she’s run around in circles, growling like a wild beast…. but as soon as my girl came in, she apparently sensed that she was upset & went over & calmly sat on her lap & started licking her cheek. That was the first time I’d ever seen that puppy sit still without being restrained…
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 11th, 2011
12:52 pm
PG — RE: bank accounts… Well, um, being Swiss & all, I can neither confirm nor deny the possible existence of any such accounts.
TenderRoni
March 11th, 2011
12:52 pm
@SexyC- did she get married to a Washington?
Yeah, i printed it so my daughter could read about some AA history. Cuz this schools aren’t teaching her jack about her history.
kellibean
March 11th, 2011
12:52 pm
@Sexy…the fight happened about 8 years ago…it was the only physical fight I’ve ever been in. She started it and threw the first punch and I finished it. It was not even about my BF at the time…
SexyCool
March 11th, 2011
12:56 pm
Yes. She did.
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
12:56 pm
Suisse
They can sense when something is different. I truly believe that. Our pit has been looking around for the little dog. I”m sure that the little dog marked the area pretty well and his scent is still around, but he hasn’t seen the the little dog. So, he sniffs around the normal places that the little dog hid. (i.e places that the little dog could fit that the pit could not fit in)
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
12:57 pm
Suisse..
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
1:01 pm
Suisse
As a DAWG fan, do you worry about being able to keep Mark Fox? He runs a good offense. The triangle like Phil Jackson, who got it from Tex Winter. I predict some bigger or more prestigious basketball school may come knocking soon. He has turned around that dismal program pretty quickly.
Also, I gave tix away for the UGA/Bama game this is starting right now.
SexyCool
March 11th, 2011
1:01 pm
I am so looking forward to having GiGi all trained. TheDude is going to take her to the training classes at PetSmart.
I’m actually convinced that we are not training her. She is training us.
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
1:03 pm
SexyC…you train each other.
Leggs
March 11th, 2011
1:04 pm
@kelliebean ~ that’s what I was hoping you would say when I said if you were behaving less than ladylike. Hoping you would admit it was your own insecurities cuz I got the impression she was putting things on the FB page that you were jealous and insecure. I’m not therapist, but you have to find a way to believe in your own self worth in your own skin and not attached to another. We are all special and lovable w/ or w/o a mate! How is you keep attracting mates and being involved in relationships if you’re so freaking insecure!
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 11th, 2011
1:06 pm
PG — Re: Mark Fox. Not really. I actually think UGA has the potential to become a big-time hoops program, if the athletic department commits to it & I get the sense that they are starting to. I think it would have to be a truly A-list school to get him to leave at this point & I don’t see that many of those jobs opening up anytime soon.
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
1:06 pm
How ironic that I just got a call from the Falcons regarding season tix as they will probably will go into lockout later today.
Leggs
March 11th, 2011
1:07 pm
Awww lawd, “how is you” suppose to read “how is it you keep….”
Sorry, but had to correct that one!
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
1:08 pm
Suisse
I went to a game earlier this season. The Stegasaurus looks so much better. I remembered that it looked like a barn before the renovations.
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
1:10 pm
I mention the renovations because that showed that the athletic dept. was willing to invest in facility for basketball.
i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")
March 11th, 2011
1:13 pm
PG — Yeah, it literally was a barn — there were stables adjoining & they used to have some kind of 4-h livestock shows or rodeos or some such nonsense in there.
kellibean
March 11th, 2011
1:14 pm
@Leggs…In the past, I’ve had men make me feel insecure…I’m working on those issues now. My BF shows me how much he loves me and wants only me. It is helping me with dealing with my insecurities. He also had the same issues I have when he was younger and is working with me to get through them. He understands how I feel and what I’ve been through in the past. He’s seen a huge change in me over the past 6 months and he loves me even more because every day, I’m starting to feel more secure in myself.
DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"
March 11th, 2011
1:15 pm
Trust me, I’ll be here for a while.
ARed Well, you’ll have some company in me.
Princess I thought you were all boo’d up.
slim I thought you were off the market too.
kellibean You have a musician who is “friends” with several of his exes and who has also said emphatically that he doesn’t want to get married. Come on, this dude is F$*%king everything that moves. I know you’ll deny it and say he loves you and wants to be together forever, blah blah blah. These are the oldest tricks in the book…like the dude who keeps telling his side chick that he’s gonna divorce his wife and marry her. Ya runnin in place with this cat.
SexyCool
March 11th, 2011
1:18 pm
DreamsMat….boy….what am I going to do with *you*?!?!? (lol)
Celisea
March 11th, 2011
1:19 pm
Wow Dreams – Such a contrast to your normal nice blog persona…well gon head then
kellibean
March 11th, 2011
1:19 pm
@Dreams…he has not time to be F&*#$king everything that moves because he is with me all the time. Actually, Friday night, he did say that he would want to marry me in the future because he loves me and wants to be with me forever. It was nice to finally hear him say that. Not that we plan on getting engaged anytime soon, but it will happen if all goes well with us in the future.
Celisea
March 11th, 2011
1:20 pm
Ever had so much work you found yourself running in circles…that’s how I’m feeling today…uuugh Lord, please deliver me
PrincessNik
March 11th, 2011
1:20 pm
Princess I thought you were all boo’d up
Dreams I WAS
Leggs
March 11th, 2011
1:20 pm
@kelliebean ~ I appreciate your progress. If you don’t mind, how did you put yourself in a position where you LET a man MAKE you feel so insecure? Did you come across as meek and subdued and you eagerly, greedily latched onto a strong minded, highly opinionated man who could only deal with submissive women.
Ok, the bottom line is you’re working on things and both of you see the growth! That’s the bottom line.
Blackfoote
March 11th, 2011
1:22 pm
PG:
Football will be dead this year unless the owners put scabs on the field like they have in the past.
Blackfoote
March 11th, 2011
1:22 pm
PG:
Football will be dead this year unless the owners put scabs on the field like they have in the past.
Celisea
March 11th, 2011
1:22 pm
Kellibean – I try to pretty much refrain from commenting (too much) on folks’ situation because I find myself being a bit more brash than desired but girl, if you don’t stop with posting that foolishness!!! We’ll give you a green pass for the first couple of times so you can get some good clear nonbiased advice. But if you won’t catch on and keep coming back with that same foolishness, you just need to go on ahead and live in it. Because if you post it folks are gonna comment. Then we have to spend the day listening to you defend BS for about 3,4,5 pages. Sorry, I know some will say it’s mean but you ain’t a rookie on here no more.
All in love
SexyCool
March 11th, 2011
1:23 pm
I used to say the same thing about Shthead. Me and my gf’s would sit around saying that he could only be doing so much, he just didn’t have a lot of time to be doing a lot. Well…the poonanny picture proved me wrong.
Not saying that your guys is a shthead. Hey, long as you’re getting what you need to be in this relationship, our opinions really don’t matter. Do you, babygirl.
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
1:23 pm
Well, since it is Lent, I guess that I get some fish for lunch.
kellibean
March 11th, 2011
1:24 pm
@Leggs…I can’t even begin to say how I’ve put myself in that position in the past. I have been pretty insecure since my teens due to a lot of things and just found myself in unhealthy relationships where it was made worse. I finally hit a point last year when I realized that I was tired of feeling this way and started therapy. My insecurities were about to run my BF off because I was driving him crazy. I still have insecurities, but I keep them more in check now and instead of accusing him or going crazy on him, I sit back and ask myself if it is him doing something or if it is me…
Leggs
March 11th, 2011
1:24 pm
“@Dreams…he has not time to be F&*#$king everything that moves because he is with me all the time. Actually, Friday night, he did say that he would want to marry me in the future because he loves me and wants to be with me forever.”
kelliebean ~ this is coming from a woman. He does have time. You’d be surprised how quickly someone can get a quickie in. Heck, I’ve done it going through a carwash at a gas station. The thrill of it all add to the lustfulness of it. Let’s not get things twisted. And, don’t salivate over him telling you he “would” want to marry you in the future. Sweetie, those are empty words. Dangling carrots to keep that smile on your face. I’m not trying to be cruel, but I am probably being truthful.
Leggs
March 11th, 2011
1:25 pm
See there, kelliebean, Celisea just came straight out and said to stop w/the foolishness. She has such a way with words!
Blackfoote
March 11th, 2011
1:26 pm
Twin postings interesting:
SexyCool
March 11th, 2011
1:26 pm
Cel – I, too, find myself trying to not be too harsh.
Fion
March 11th, 2011
1:27 pm
@ Celisea
Nah, nah…….that’s what this place needs. I’m damn near ready to call the Board of Health in here
to celan this motherswinger out.
To many folk in here fronting any way.
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
1:27 pm
Blackfoote,
They can’t put scabs on the field. The agreed not to do that when they signed the last Agreement.
kellibean
March 11th, 2011
1:27 pm
@Celisea…I don’t always ask for advice on here…I thought this forum was to chime in on the topic that WD puts up… I’m sorry that I will defend myself and my relationship. You guys only know what I tell you and it’s hard to write every little detail about our relationship on here. We have some issues (just like every other relationship) and we get through them.
Maybe I’ll just step away for a while…
Poppa Grande
March 11th, 2011
1:29 pm
I think that football will be ok. The antitrust suit will ensure that. The union will dissolve by this evening and that allows individual players to sue the owners and league. Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, and Tom Brady have agreed to be plaintiffs against the league.
Leggs
March 11th, 2011
1:30 pm
Well, Fion, I’m not very good at sugarcoating.
Leggs
March 11th, 2011
1:32 pm
“I don’t always ask for advice on here…I thought this forum was to chime in on the topic that WD puts up…” She that’s where you went wrong.
If you’ve been reading for any amount of time, whatever the topic is we almost always veer off. Last week we stayed on topic to the end of the day, but that’s so, so rare.