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Bad boy attraction, when does it end?

I can’t recall the age when bad boys stop getting so much attention from me.  I’d just take a guess and say it was late 20s, after a restraining order and complete exhaustion from the roller coaster ride that comes with dating the bad boys.  Now, I’m all about the “good dudes” and they are just as sexy.

I think men and women go through phases when we are easily swayed by the hot looks, edgy personality, with a little bit of crazy.  At some point, the appeal starts to wane.  My guy friends say the older they get and the more they stand to lose, the less appealing a “wild” bad girl becomes.

I just believe that as our maturity level goes up, the less tolerant we become. We want sexy, stable dates! Do you think that we all have a little bit of edge to us though?  Do you think you have a bad boy/edgy girl vibe?  Has it worked for you on the dating scene?

I’m sure the bad boy/girl can still turn heads and get your attention, but when does your “moth to a flame” attraction for that type go away? When do we start preferring the potential wife/husband candidates and stop dealing with the unstable creatures?

When did you stop being the bad boy/unstable creature and become someone that appeared safe and, you know sane.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

346 comments Add your comment

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
9:19 am

Good morning! How did we miss this yesterday?

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
9:21 am

I’ve never been a “bad girl,” but I do have my moments where I have lived on the edge (and it was fun). I believe we ALL have a little edge to our personalities.

Amia in ATL

March 10th, 2011
9:53 am

OMG this topic has been on my mind lately. I recently reconnected with someone from 15 years ago. He was always the bad boy but everyone liked him because he was super cool. He stated he was interested in me but I’m not sure that I can deal with his lifestyle. It is so much faster than mine. I’m more private while he is Mr. Popularity–into this and that. Hmmm… I guess we’ll see.

AmazonRed™ - I love LA (LAKERS)

March 10th, 2011
9:55 am

Morning all –

Is this supposed to be Thursday’s topic even though it’s dated Wednesday?

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 10th, 2011
9:57 am

Looks like Wise pulled a 2-for-1 yesterday…

On topic: I would agree that both dudes & chics go through phases where they are attracted to “crazy.” But I think most guys only want to f__k “crazy” — while a lot of chics think they can tame “crazy” and turn it into a relationship…

COME ON NOW

March 10th, 2011
9:59 am

Morning all,

COME ON NOW

March 10th, 2011
10:06 am

My best male friend swears that us women say we want a “good guy” but we really want a “bad guy” because we think we can tame him, since we love a project. I tend to agree with him that a lot of times we say we want one thing but pick something totally different.

In my experience, the “good guys” I’ve dated have been more like doormats….guys that were great people but had no backbone whatsoever. I can’t stand that. I don’t like the “bad guys” that do bad things but i do like it when a guy doesn’t take any crap. But there is a fine line.

When I was a teenager all i was attracted to were the “bad guys”. There’s something mysterious about a “bad guy”. But now that I’m older I want a more well-rounded person. Those type of people tend to be more stable in relationships. Plus, I don’t have time for the drama that dating a “bad guy” entails.

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
10:09 am

I have never sought out to tame any young man I dated or grown man. Hell, I barely tamed myself before having a child.

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
10:25 am

I got over *bad* boys when one tried to kill me.

Wise Diva

March 10th, 2011
10:26 am

Clearly I need to stop blogging at 5:00 in the morning LOL oops. Sorry everyone, published with the wrong date!

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
10:29 am

@SexyC ~ at least you woke up and realized enuf is enuf. Some don’t wake up even after a chilling point like that in their lives! They keep going and going and going after the same. Unfortunately, some equate pain and abuse as a sign of “he loves me!”

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 10th, 2011
10:29 am

SexyC:shock: D@mn! Really?

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
10:36 am

I remember when you told us a little about what happened, and let me say I’m glad you made it out!!!

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
10:37 am

Yes, Cheez, really. I’ve talked about it on here before. Buddy basically kidnapped me (kinda) and when I jumped out of his car to escape he tried to run me down with the vehicle.

kellibean

March 10th, 2011
10:37 am

I used to be into bad boys in my 20’s, but after being treated so wrong, I quickly realized that’s not what I wanted. Some would look at my current boyfriend and think he’s a “bad boy.” He looks and seems that way to people on the outside, but he’s a really nice, loving, caring man. He used to be a bad boy, but he’s grown up and people don’t know the real him because he was gone for a few years.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 10th, 2011
10:39 am

SexyC — Wow… glad you got out of that situation in one piece…

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
10:40 am

“…he was gone for a few years.” Sounds like he went to the Big House!

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
10:41 am

He ended up being charged with attempted kidnapping and assault. He spent some time in jail and was put on probation.

Lurking

March 10th, 2011
10:46 am

SexyC – I’m sorry that you had to experience that and I’m glad you survived. I hope your story will encourage others to leave before its too late.

tini tiny

March 10th, 2011
10:54 am

depends on how hung he is

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
10:57 am

Lurking – thanks. It’s kinda hard to explain how I feel about it. It was proof positive for me that I have angels watching over me. The more time passes, the less significance that it has in the grand scheme of things and I rarely, I mean, really, rarely ever even think about it.

I have to say, though, that I really don’t think Wise is talking about guys who are quite *that* bad in her post. (lol)

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
10:58 am

Dog Update – TheDude just asked me to text him a picture of her. I asked him what was he going to do with it. He said that he was putting it on his phone. (lol)

(What a difference a week makes.)

Lurking

March 10th, 2011
11:01 am

SexyC – I doubt that’s what she had on her mind @ 5AM, but I’m glad you decided to share that story with us. Did that experience hinder your past relationships or cause you to reject certain guys? Have you ever shared that story with The Dude? How were you able to overcome everything that happened?

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
11:02 am

Now, that’s funny and cute, SexyC!

SlimNumeroUno

March 10th, 2011
11:07 am

Morning…I thought I lost a day after I saw this post for the previous day. I have been a bit stressed so I thought maybe it was just me…

Um, I can’t say I’ve ever really had a thing for BAD BAD boys but I do like good guys with a personality. He doesn’t have to rob, steal, and kill but he has to be able throw back the sarcasm as I dish it out at least….oh yeah, And NO backbone guys need to apply. Who would want a MUSH MAN? Not me but I don’t want a Ike Turner either….give me happy medium.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 10th, 2011
11:08 am

SexyC — RE: the dog… See how quickly b!tches grow on us… ;-) :lol:

kimmie

March 10th, 2011
11:14 am

Morning Gang!

Never liked bad boys! Like Slim, I like a good guy with personality and backbone.

I guess my not liking bad boys stems from my upbringing. I knew not to bring such a guy to the house! My parents would have never let one darken the door. It was always in the back of my head that I had to have someone I could take around my family. Still is. And I never had a rebellous streak. Me try to buck my parents, especially my mother? Oh no. The most I ever did to exert my “independence” while stil dependant on my parents was cut my hair! And that was just a early days Halle-cut, not even as short as she has it now!LOL!!

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
11:15 am

I wouldn’t say that it hindered my relationships after that in any significant way. I have always been able to seperate the behavior of the last from the next one. I have that kind of optimism when it comes to *love*, I guess.

Yeah…TheDude knows, but the way that I relay the events of that night (thirteen years ago last week) downplays the actual danger that I was in and the high drama.

It’s more like, “Yeah. I was dating this guy and we got into an argument and he tried to run me down with his car after I jumped out of it in the Winn Dixie parking lot.”

As far as overcoming it, it is what it is. Something that played out in less than thirty minutes and that I walked away from. It’s just one of many entertaining stories that I tell about my life.

AmazonRed™ - I love LA (LAKERS)

March 10th, 2011
11:44 am

Alright…looks like we’ve got the blog situation worked out. :)

When did you stop being the bad boy/unstable creature and become someone that appeared safe and, you know sane.

For me….I never started. I’ve always been into upstanding young men. :lol: But seriously, even the knuckleheads weren’t bad boys.

There is a fellow that has been requesting my attention lately that is outside of my comfort zone. But I don’t know what to make of a dude that has a wild type of past. He has a couple of kids from different women back in his day. Don’t get me wrong he’s still college educated and gainfully employed. :lol: But he’s definitely not that poindexter type dude I’m usually comfortable with.

For Real

March 10th, 2011
11:44 am

“I can’t recall the age when bad boys stop getting so much attention from me.” – I’m calling BS on this!!! All women want a so-called “bad boy” and it never fades. Oh yeah chick get tired of them and spend a few years dating the so-called “safe boys” but when they are looking for a MAN you can best believe that man better have a side to him or the chick will not respect him. This is the irrational side of chicks. They don’t want a man that will be hit them but it’s nice to know that he just might back hand her azz if she got out of line. This somehow gives her a level of comfort that he will protect her. All the while never considering the fact that if a man is capable of hitting a women it’s because that’s the only person he can actually defend himself against.

For Real

March 10th, 2011
11:50 am

“I used to be into bad boys in my 20’s, but after being treated so wrong, I quickly realized that’s not what I wanted. Some would look at my current boyfriend and think he’s a “bad boy.” – For Real now slapping the ish out of Kellibean!!!

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
11:50 am

@ForReal ~ you are so right, that’s why J-Lo married Mark Anthony (tee hee, tee hee). No all jokes aside. I hear Mark Anthony has serious ties to a lot of other bad boys!!!!

Celisea

March 10th, 2011
11:53 am

Wow For Real – spoken so matter of factly. I’on know about this part… This is the irrational side of chicks. They don’t want a man that will be hit them but it’s nice to know that he just might back hand her azz if she got out of line. This somehow gives her a level of comfort that he will protect her. All the while never considering the fact that if a man is capable of hitting a women it’s because that’s the only person he can actually defend himself against. I thought you had to be a woman to speak on behalf of a woman? I’on know no women wanting a man that just might smack the heck out of her. I agree though that MOST women want a man with a bit of “umph”…not saying that’s categorized as necessarily “bad boy” nor one that smacks the heck out of women but a man that won’t take any and everything.

PrincessNik

March 10th, 2011
12:00 pm

I agree though that MOST women want a man with a bit of “umph”…not saying that’s categorized as necessarily “bad boy” nor one that smacks the heck out of women but a man that won’t take any and everything.

Celisea I’ma have to agree with you on this.

MC Hammock

March 10th, 2011
12:02 pm

Why aren’t my posts posting?

AmazonRed™ - I love LA (LAKERS)

March 10th, 2011
12:02 pm

All women want a so-called “bad boy” and it never fades.

Ugh…please don’t say “all” I’ve NEVER been into such “boys”

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
12:03 pm

I want what I have – a man who is good, but is all man about his sht. He cares about my happiness and will do everything in his control to give me the things that I reasonably want. However, he is not a doormat or a pushover. He stands firm on his word and on His word.

And I could go on.

For Real

March 10th, 2011
12:03 pm

Leggs: Exactly

Celisea: When you can define “umph” I’ll back track on my “pimp slap” comment.

MC Hammock

March 10th, 2011
12:05 pm

Let me rephrase this….I like a woman with a wild side. I hate the boring Leave it to Beaver Mother types or the Mary Poppins type. Too boring. I want a woman with a bit of fire, spunk, knows what she wants and goes after it, grab you by the collar for a little PDA kinda woman. Some people like Roller Coasters and other like the Merry Go Round. I’m a Roller Coaster guy. You get more out of it.

For Real

March 10th, 2011
12:05 pm

“He stands firm on his word and on His word.” – It’s obvious that TheDude uses baby powder.

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
12:08 pm

What exactly do you mean by that?

For Real

March 10th, 2011
12:09 pm

“Ugh…please don’t say “all” I’ve NEVER been into such “boys” – That’s a lie, Pete your daddy told me about this one dude in high school that you were in love with but he didn’t show you the time of day back then.

For Real

March 10th, 2011
12:10 pm

“What exactly do you mean by that?” – He puts baby powder in his hands before he uses his “pimp slap”.

SexyCool

March 10th, 2011
12:13 pm

I hate you so much right now. (lmao)

Leggs

March 10th, 2011
12:15 pm

@ForReal ~ did you take a toke of that special “medicine” this morning?

Celisea

March 10th, 2011
12:16 pm

Alright For Real….how about oomph…the correct term/spelling..here you go:

charm, magnetism, sex appeal, bounce, brio, dash, driven, dynamism, energy, sprited, get-up-and-go, ginger, go, gusto, juice, moxie, vigor, pep, vitality, zing

NOT A DOORMAT BUT NOT AN ABUSER EITHER

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 10th, 2011
12:17 pm

Afternoon
I’m cool on the chick with all the extra. I like someone who is spontaneous, exciting, and open to new things, but I’m not trying to catch a case.

Some people like Roller Coasters and other like the Merry Go Round.
MC Thing is a lot of Merry Go Rounds wish they were Roller Coasters. The Merry Go Round can be a Roller Coaster for the right dude.

Celisea

March 10th, 2011
12:20 pm

PrincessN – :) We are seeing eye to eye

AmazonRed™ - I love LA (LAKERS)

March 10th, 2011
12:22 pm

Yes, Cheez, really. I’ve talked about it on here before. Buddy basically kidnapped me (kinda) and when I jumped out of his car to escape he tried to run me down with the vehicle.

Whoa, I believe I missed that! :shock:

For Real

March 10th, 2011
12:25 pm

Leggs: Due to work I’m having to wait too long to eat lunch. I get up 5am and around 11am head starts hurting and my agent orange starts ackin up.

Celisea: Nice try but go back and read my post I didn’t say he was an abuser. As a matter of fact I didn’t say he would hit a women. I said “They don’t want a man that will be hit them but it’s nice to know that he just might back hand her azz if she got out of line.” – Key word MIGHT and your definition fits my assertion.