accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

How do you pull off going Dutch?

I received an email from one of our male readers seeking some advice.  He wants to know if it’s possible to go Dutch on a date without sending the wrong message.  Is there a way to successfully ask someone out, plan an outing, and go on a date paying your own way or splitting the costs?

Do you think it can be done if you pick the right person and circumstances?

In my experience, going Dutch was only bad because of the “caught off guard” situations.  You know, that time when someone asks you out and don’t mention that they have no intentions of paying your way.  If you know beforehand that you wanted the date to be Dutch, you should say so. Give the person the opportunity to make a fully informed decision before agreeing to it.

What do you think? Does going Dutch automatically mean it’s a “bad” date?  When was the last time you paid your own way on a date?  What did you and how did it come to be a “Dutch” date?

It you had to pick between no date and going Dutch, which would you pick?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

345 comments Add your comment

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
11:32 am

Dan–Well, if I’m just stating my opinion and what works for me I don’t think I’m imposing something on someone. A person that is asking me out will be judged by my standards as I will be judged by theirs. I don’t expect it to be any other way. Now, if you don’t meet my standards and vice versa then let’s just KIM.

Blackfoote

March 9th, 2011
11:34 am

“I don’t see nothing wrong”(RKelly) with coupons and they have their place for consumer consumption. I would refrain from using on a first date not to impress but ettiquet would suggest so. Some have said they’ll pay cool but not if I ask you out.

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
11:37 am

Please keep Raqi in your prayers.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 9th, 2011
11:37 am

DM–we FINALLY agree
COME I knew I could find something. ;-)

Dreams – I was out with an aunt and some other family & friends one time at like TGI Fridays or the like.
kimmie you were at Chili’s, don’t front. I know how much you like Chili’s. lol I feel you aunt on principle, but like I mentioned earlier, some battles ain’t worth the casualties. Is the fifty cents worth people you care about not wanting to go places with you? Probably not. Fifty cents, no big deal. $10, we probably gon’ have to have a conversation. lol

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 9th, 2011
11:40 am

@SC – no doubt

MC Hammock

March 9th, 2011
11:42 am

I think that I’m one of the odd ones and that when I go to a restaurant and if the food isn’t jumping or have mold on it, I’ll eat it. I’ve heard too many stories of cooks spitting in food or sliding it across the floor when it gets sent back or complained about. How’s that steak going with the dirt from my shoes? Thanks for your griping!

Blackfoote

March 9th, 2011
11:44 am

I don’t see the guy as cheap if he decides to use coupons but there is a presumption that he is. If it’s a lady that don’t mind fine let the coupons roll but it just don’t seem right coming out the gate.

MC Hammock

March 9th, 2011
11:44 am

OK, here we go….no dutching on the first date (unless she’s Dutch, then dutch her all night), men need to be impressive as do the women, no complaining like a banchee at the table and the last “real man” was Clint Eastwood. Does that about cover it?

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 9th, 2011
11:44 am

@Randyt

I feel you and if it keeps working for you, keep doing it!

@Ladies

What number date do you decide to pick up the tab on date? 1st date or the 50th date? lol?

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
11:45 am

MC-You’d eat moldy food? YUCK. If my food has mold on it I’m sending it back but in the nicest way possible because I know that if you come at your server the wrong way you’ll be eating a plate full of saliva and dirt from the kitchen floor.

MC Hammock

March 9th, 2011
11:46 am

PS. Ity’s just me, but no coupons on the first date, at least. 80% of women will look on that as not being frugal, but cheap. She’ll think “Oh, I can’t WAIT to go to the grocery store with him.” Just my point of view from experience….

MC Hammock

March 9th, 2011
11:48 am

COME ON, I said that the only reason I WOULDN’T eat it was if it was jumping when I forked it or if it had mold on it. I guess a frozen middle might cause me to look cock-eyed at it, too….

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
11:50 am

M.–Well as everyone knows, in my case it def won’t be on the first date, LOL. I don’t put a number on it. I go with the flow and how I’m feeling. If a man is expecting me to pick up the tab on the 5th date he’ll probably be in for a rude awakening. But for argument sake, I wouldn’t wait til the 50th date. But if we’re going out like 2 to 3 times a week I’d probably spring for the tab quicker than if we’re only going out once a week.

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
11:53 am

MC-Oh, I didn’t read your comment correctly. I feel you. I’m not picky and won’t send my food back for certain things but I’m not eating anything that’s raw or burnt.

Blackfoote

March 9th, 2011
12:05 pm

Ladies what if a guy took you to a restaurant he had coupons for and at the end of the dinner he said I need to go get my coupons out the car…….LOL
Leaves you at the table to go get them to find out they’re expired when he gets back……..LOL
What is your impression?

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 9th, 2011
12:06 pm

@COME ON NOW

LOL so if you guys are going out 2-3 times a week, youre quicker to pay than once a week, why is that?

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
12:13 pm

M.Dot – there is really no number. If there is somewhere that I want to go and I want buddy to go with me and I ASK HIM then it doesn’t matter if it’s the 2nd date or the 213th date.

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
12:14 pm

M.-I have no idea why that makes sense to me but it does. LOL. I think in my mind I would feel like, “Geez. We’ve been going out 2-3 times a week and he’s always paying. Let me take him out for once.” I guess because maybe he’s spending more money in a shorter period of time than if we were only going out once a week. But again, I really don’t sit there and count how many dates we’ve had before I decide to spring for the tab. It just depends on how I’m feeling.

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 9th, 2011
12:23 pm

@Come On Now

I feel you I was just curious.

@SC

I feel you.

@Guys

What if you are going out with a woman who has the resources to date and you ALWAYS pay for the dates? How would you address it (if you would address it) or would you just see that you are sponsoring her and charge her to the game and cut her loose?

@Ladies

How would you handle this conversation if a guy came at you with this being an issue?

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
12:31 pm

M.–well if she’s the type of woman who thinks a man should pay for EVERY date, regardless of whether she has the resources or not, then that conversation is not going to go well. If the guy is always paying for the date and feels that he has to say something to the chick about how he doesn’t think he should have to, then he’s probably not with a like-minded woman.

I do occasionally pay for dates but if a guys comes to me and says i SHOULD be paying for more because “i got it” then we wouldn’t be going out anymore. To me, that’s tacky. It seems like you’re going tit for tat at that point.

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
12:42 pm

M.Dot – TheDude and I did have this conversation rather early on. He asked me how I felt about paying for dates. I told him that if I invited him out, then it was my treat.

I asked him why he brought it up. He stated that he’d had a few experiences where he ended up feeling like his money was being asked out and that he was interested in knowing how I felt about it.

I just make it a practice of paying for what I want to do – whether it be dinner, a movie, a concert, a trip…whatever. If it was my idea, it’s my treat. However, I will not turn down an offer on his part to pay.

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
12:44 pm

RIP Biggie. (14 years)

Fion

March 9th, 2011
12:48 pm

One thing I’ll say is this, “ Baaaaaaby”, if I really have MONEY the last thing I want you to know is how much of it I have too early in the dating process.

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
12:52 pm

Have we discussed The Game and its storyline this season?

AmazonRed™

March 9th, 2011
1:03 pm

Afternoon all – Looks like we’ve got a hot topic. Don’t know if we’re still on it.

Uh…the only way to get out of paying on a first date is not making it a date. If you’re fine with being in the friend zone and just “hanging” we’ll go dutch. If you want dating priviledges you better be prepared to treat it like a date!

If I had to choose between dutch or no date. I’ll chose no date and the dude and I can just be friends.

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
1:04 pm

Fion – good point.

Leggs

March 9th, 2011
1:06 pm

@SexyC ~ I’ve been praying since I haven’t heard from her.

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
1:08 pm

ARed – your post reminded me of another point I meant to make.

If we’re both at the table pulling out our wallets to *split* the check, it definitely means we’re just friends and friends only and I don’t mean the new definition of friend either.

AmazonRed™ - I

March 9th, 2011
1:08 pm

And guys if you take a woman out and she insists on paying for her part of the tab that is a sign of things to come. Either she doesn’t like you and does not want to send the impression that she does or you have a woman who is overly independent and “don’t need a man to do nothing for her”

So true. There are first dates where I have insisted on paying my tab because during the date I realized I never wanted to go out with this person again!

M. (pronouced M dot)

March 9th, 2011
1:09 pm

@Come on Now

I see what you are saying. When I said they got it, I mean like you know they can handle dating if they wanted to they just didnt.

@SC

I understand that. One average how many times to women ask guys out? Not a whole lot in the beginning…

I was dating a woman who was cool but she would be pressing the issue about going out and never took care of any dates. So its about the level you two are on…

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
1:10 pm

Missed last nite’s episode of The Game. can anyone give a brief synopsis of what happened?

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 9th, 2011
1:12 pm

Afternoon, folks…

On Topic: I’m an old-fashioned southern gentleman (don’t laugh) — so, I was taught that the man always pays. Period. Just part of the cost of dating…

AmazonRed™ - I love LA (LAKERS)

March 9th, 2011
1:13 pm

Ugh…I can’t believe folks are still watching The Game. I gave up after episode #2! (and I was a HUGE fan)

For Real

March 9th, 2011
1:16 pm

What up blog fam.

Dutch is not a date period.

Ladies if you ask a man out then be ready to pay for the date. Common courtesy…..

To coupon or not to coupon, if that’s who you are then I say do you all day and if that’s a turn off for the other person look at it as blessing.

Ladies (and I’m sure a blog dude has said this already) if you want a TRADITIONAL MAN then you have to be a TRADITIONAL WOMAN!!! You are wrong to expect traditional behavior from a man with 21st century attitude.

Fellas being a man is a 24/7 position. Play your position all the time.

AmazonRed™ - I love LA (LAKERS)

March 9th, 2011
1:17 pm

Now as I get older, the whole man paying thing has definitely gotten better and not worse. I guess as we get older we have more disposable income or there have been enough chicks giving the *side eye* to cheapos so the do better.

One thing that really impressed me was not only did he pay for everything but he made it a point to show up to the event before me so he could also pay for my parking! (cuz a sista would have drove around til I found a spot on the street :lol: )

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
1:17 pm

Melanie let her parents think she is pregnant because they were giving Derwin too much attention. (I totally detest her character with this new season. She’s just not likeable anymore.)

Brittany stole the weed out of Tasha’s purse so Jason quit the tv show. (They could have at least found an actress who actually looks kinda mixed.)

I don’t remember much about what Malik had going on last night.

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
1:17 pm

ARED- I have to agree that I am very disappointed with this season. Things are just off. I don’t know if it’s because of the break they had but I don’t really like any of the storylines at all. It’s missing that same chemistry. I’m trying to stick in there but I don’t know how much more I can take…

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
1:19 pm

ARed – I blame it on my fascination with watching trainwrecks.

However, that trainwreck fascination ends with Carlos Estevez. That dude is crying out for an intervention.

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
1:19 pm

FOR REAL–You are speaking the truth

Fion

March 9th, 2011
1:20 pm

For whatever it’s worth, on paying with coupons(gift cards) the restaurant business is extremely competitive today.
I pay with and have received coupons (gift cards) from The Palm, Agave, Maggianos you name it.
Bottom line, they are looking for customers and want you to come in.
If giving you 30%- 40% off (incentive) to come in and eat, they’ll do it.

AmazonRed™ - I love LA (LAKERS)

March 9th, 2011
1:20 pm

I don’t know if it’s because of the break they had but I don’t really like any of the storylines at all

It’s because it moved to BET and the writers went ghetto. The end.

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
1:21 pm

SC-Thanks. Yeah, that episode doesn’t sound like it was hitting on anything. And I agree, I don’t like Melanie’s character this season either, nor do I like the fact that they can’t find a mixed chick to play the part of Brittany. I’m just not feeling the season at all so far.

Fion

March 9th, 2011
1:21 pm

…….and oh yeah, just for the record on the first date thing. For me it’s so much about me trying to impress you as it is you showing differentiation from Mary, Susan and Eleanor .

Fion

March 9th, 2011
1:22 pm

Meant it’s not so much

COME ON NOW

March 9th, 2011
1:23 pm

“It’s because it moved to BET and the writers went ghetto. The end.”

ARED-You’ve summed that up really nicely :-)

AmazonRed™ - I love LA (LAKERS)

March 9th, 2011
1:23 pm

Please keep Raqi in your prayers.

Done… just saw the update…

Leggs

March 9th, 2011
1:24 pm

@ARed ~ I gave up watching The Game after the season opener!

@SexyC ~ I knew she wouldn’t tell about the pregnancy. Shameful that they’re evening putting that plot into the story. Ghetto move at best!

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
1:25 pm

Oh…and Tasha gave her stylist a big ass wad of cash for coming to her house and weaving a hairstyle that ended up looking like a $35 wig from the ChingChang Beauty Supply on Metropolitan.

kimmie

March 9th, 2011
1:25 pm

That show has just gotten straight ghetto. To say things are off is putting it mildly. I can’t stand Medschool or Tasha anymore. And Derwin is a lying wuss!

I catch the reruns when I have absolutely nothing else to watch.

SexyCool

March 9th, 2011
1:27 pm