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Career and money keeping you single?

Recently we talked about being too busy to date with our busy schedules and responsibilities.  Some of us admitted that we sometimes use our busy calendars as an excuse not to make real efforts to date.  I also think that a lot of single people believe that putting careers first is a “safer investment” of our time and effort.

When we set out to accomplish our goals of building empires, finding our purpose in life, why  don’t we think of doing all this with a partner? Marriage doesn’t have to be limiting, does it? If you meet someone that could support your endeavors, would that make it easier to merge your lives together?

Do you think too many of us are letting careers and our pursuit of the “American dream” get in the way of long term relationships?

Would you be willing to date someone who has a serious five year plan?

It seems that during their late 20s and early 30s, men want to work first, play later.  Does this play a part in how men date?

Ladies, would you perceive marrying someone as a detour for your career?

Do you think marriage is a more like a speed bump or a roadblock for your career/success path?

Could it be the catalyst that actually gets you focused?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

106 comments Add your comment

LOL

March 8th, 2011
8:45 am

I’m too poor to date.

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
8:57 am

Good morning.

Do you think too many of us are letting careers and our pursuit of the “American dream” get in the way of long term relationships? Some of the things I’ve heard over the years seems to validate this point. However, if you want to be in a committed relationship you can pursue both. People do it everyday.

Ladies, would you perceive marrying someone as a detour for your career? If this is the case, don’t get married. You would be bringing resentment in to the marriage from the get go.

Just make sure you connect with someone evely yoked with your goals and desires!

SlimNumeroUno

March 8th, 2011
9:12 am

Good morning,

It’s funny this came up because this guy that stated he was SOOOO interested in me about 2 years ago was emailing a friend of mine about this very topic. He always had something going on and it makes it hard when you’re trying to get to know someone. Anyhoo, this is something that he said:
Most men who have a lot going on for them are busy, so finding someone who supports that and appreciates that works always… Maybe women should speak w/Michelle Obama so she could give you some great insight then it would be all good.

I mean, I see his point but don’t you also make time for what you WANT to do?

Bruce 53

March 8th, 2011
9:15 am

Yea where are the dating articals that better reflect todays economic conditions.How can good people like myself meet someone
Some suggestions.
Instaed of the same old Blah Blah Blah. I’m in my 20’s 30’s have my career. Too busy,to get married, I just hook up on Friday Night. The same superfical stuff .Orginal thinking, now there’s a idea !! Dating articals that reflect todays economic enviorment. But then you would have to get off your butt and do some work. Oh I know your too busy.

MC Hammock

March 8th, 2011
9:19 am

Today’s work demands are very taxing to a single person and three times as taxing on a marriage. To get ahead, you must be married to your job, to a point. There is no such thing as a 40 hour work week, unless you are hourly and then they don’t want to pay overtime wages. Sales, CEO’s, and corporate level positions and salaries demand a minimum 60 hour week and if you are on a salary, there are NO set hours. You are there until the job gets done.

To balance this with time spent with a SO can pour stress all over a relationship, especially, if one stays home and the other works. The one that stays home doesn’t understand the deadlines, the quotas and the demands. If both work, then the schedules may work against each other and further limiting the time spent with each other. It’s a major balancing act and you either have to be exeptionally understanding or not require much attention to begin with.

To be blunt, it depends on the person or people in the relationship. What may work for some is completely unacceptable for others. You have to be able to compartmentalize job stress and leave it outside of the house doors. Most have a difficult time with that.

SlimNumeroUno

March 8th, 2011
9:24 am

Um…Bruce…Have you not had your cup of coffee yet?

MCH – You have valid points but that seems to come with more of AFTER a relationship has already been established. How do you get through the DATING process with someone who is sooo busy?

MC Hammock

March 8th, 2011
9:36 am

Slim, it’s a difficult proposition and again, depends on the individuals. Personally, I enjoy regular contact and interaction with a dating partner and I’m very able to compartmentalize. I’ve had dating partners that couldn’t and stress leaked over into the relationship. Others just wanted to see each other every now and then, yet still be exclusive to each other. I had a very hard time with this, whether that be a good or bad thing. My biggest detriment is that I simply like the regular contact and don’t want the stress and anxiety from the work place to enter it. I get enough of that at the office. It is dicey at best. Needs and the ability to fill those needs, whether my own or someone else’s is a trial and error scenario. I’ve had women that were incredible, but couldn’t even make time to see me even once a week, yet still wanted the exclusivity. I could not give that under those conditions and I was up front and honest about it. Still looking, though.

Mr_NYC

March 8th, 2011
9:53 am

Good Morning All
Maybe a little more creativity and forethought is needed. Always hear folks in the workplace speak about multi-tasking and time management. Perhaps some of these principles can be applied to one’s dating activities if the desire if for this area of life to flourish also.

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
9:55 am

I definitely agree, Mr_NYC.

kimmie

March 8th, 2011
9:59 am

Morning all!

Slim – I have always liked intelligent, accomplished or accomplishing guys. Like your friend said, such guys are always busy. Whether they were working on another degree or climbing the corporate ladder, BUSY! With that said, most of those I met were on their “plan” and no woman was going to come around and knock them off course. I was trying to accomplish some things myself so I understood. I was no Michelle Obama, you know, Princeton & Harvard grad, but I had a respectable little careerbuilding going. But most of the guys I dealt with thought they should be concentrating on the career to the point where they felt they had no room for dating me. So while I understood and wanted to BUILD something with them and even help to make life easier, they didn’t see it that way. Or, they wanted it, just not with me.

Folks love to cite Mrs. Obama as the ultimate supportive spouse. They like to say since she met the Prez when he was a poor intern & community organizer, most women of today wouldn’t have given him a chance. I call total BS on that! He was not your typical poor recent law school grad! A Harvard Law degree is like money in the bank! It pays off in spades. Average folk must not understand just the CONNECTIONS you make at Harvard even if you just barely squeak by to get your degree! It was just a matter of time before he hit gold and Michelle being an Ivy League grad herself knew that. Folks act like she picked up a bum off the street and dusted him off until he became Prez! Don’t get it twisted!

The Prez, even though he was up and coming when he met Michelle, was receptive to BUILDING a life with her. That was the key. The guys I was meeting were not receptive to that – for them it was career first, then relationship. Not, “let’s build something together”.

SlimNumeroUno

March 8th, 2011
10:01 am

MCH – I also need a good bit of QT especially in getting to know someone. You can’t expect me to keep interest or feel they are still interested when i’m not seeing them on a regular basis. Once a week is not my ideal scenario. However, Once a week SOMETIMES would be ok.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 8th, 2011
10:09 am

Career and money keeping you single?
Parenting is keeping me single.

yes until i was 34

March 8th, 2011
10:10 am

i paid off my student loans, bought a house and paid off my car. Added director to my title and decided it was time to get serious about finding a lifelong partner. Took me two years, but she is everything I ever wanted… and so much different than I expected!

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 8th, 2011
10:17 am

Put me in the “want to be stable” camp.

I vowed that my kids wouldn’t suffer the way I did and made sure that I wasn’t having none until I had stability. That meant going hard for a few years until I got straight.

Not saying I’m there now, but I can feel terra firma

kimmie

March 8th, 2011
10:23 am

Dan – Smart way to go. I mentioned on here the other day that folks seem to take more time to marry but don’t always think thru bringing another life into the world.

SlimNumeroUno

March 8th, 2011
10:28 am

Off topic – Don’t cha just love it when you go to push the door open for the restroom and someone is pulling the door open at the same time trying to get out…but the rate they throw the door open is harder than you were going to push and you almost fall inside? Yup, just love that…

kimmie

March 8th, 2011
10:36 am

It is dead in here today!

SexyCool

March 8th, 2011
10:40 am

I am in the same camp as Dan – the stability camp.

In ways, society convinces us to believe that we should all WANT to be uber-rich and super famous. We are urged to work hard to attain the “American Dream”, drive the latest, shiniest car, live in the biggest most fabulous house, wear all the designer brands, everybody should know our name and that somehow, if we don’t reach that definition of success, we have failed miserably or are only average at best.

However, I have learned that having my needs well covered and having a reasonable amount of my wants met is enough. And given the life of the famous today, I would have none of it.

When it comes to MY definition of success, I am content with the progress that I am making. I like the person I have become and I’m excited about continuing to grow, learn and evolve.

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 8th, 2011
10:41 am

For Real

March 8th, 2011
10:44 am

Ladies for once and for all time please stop with the “but don’t you also make time for what you WANT to do?” as if he didn’t tell you that WORK or anything else is what he wants.

Dude/Chicks with the 5 year plan, is not a whole plan because it doesn’t incorporate the other percentage of your life. So, if work is 85% of your life then what about the remaining 15%? It’s awful sad when you reach all of your goals and are standing there at the podium to receive your just deserts and no one is there to applaud you. Here some free advice from a former paper chaser, 1) That job will be there with you or without; 2) There is a reason why God said put him first in your life because it forces you to focus on family and your fellow man and woman; 3) Paper Chaser lie about their life so that they will have some company

CoolShadow

March 8th, 2011
10:46 am

This is really about sacrifice and long range planning, about dealing with relationships as a ”finished product” vs. a ”work in progress”. Some people can’t deal with this scenario because they demand a lot of attention.

cba

March 8th, 2011
10:50 am

APPLAUD For Real @ 10:44

For Real

March 8th, 2011
10:52 am

CoolShadow: You hit the nail on the head with “work in progress”. We as a people will never be a finished product and once we realize this life is so much easier.

Quote:
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.” –Will Durant

kimmie

March 8th, 2011
10:52 am

4 Real – I like your description of the so-called 5 year plan. It’s kinda like that line in Mahogany( I think that’s the movie) where Billie Dee Williams says “Success is nothing without someone to share it with”.

It’s awful sad when you reach all of your goals and are standing there at the podium to receive your just deserts and no one is there to applaud you.

That really does sound terribly sad, and lonely! :(

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
10:52 am

Nice post, ForReal.

For Real

March 8th, 2011
10:58 am

Dan: A little advice for you as well. Stability doesn’t come the money a man earns, stability comes from the man himself. I know some women on the blog may object to what I’m about say but if they think about their fathers they will change their minds. The one thing that women and children need more than anything else in their life is the security of a man.

kimmie

March 8th, 2011
11:10 am

4 Real – Well I don’t object to what you said at all. It’s not enough to just write a check. No doubt my daddy was able to provide an wonderful life for use financially. Yeah the bills had to be paid and we had to eat. But what we appreciated most was his PRESENCE. He was always there for us with his guidance and wisdom. That right there is priceless!

For Real

March 8th, 2011
11:12 am

That right there is priceless! – And free lol…

TenderRoni

March 8th, 2011
11:13 am

Hi
I agree with that, security of man statement. When the security is there the stability will follow.

SexyCool

March 8th, 2011
11:14 am

ForReal – I totally agree with that statement. However, some of the “standing on the mountaintop roaring about independence” types will see things a bit differently.

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
11:17 am

May not all be free. Althought it’s commendable to be there for your children, even your time has a price on it.

SlimNumeroUno

March 8th, 2011
11:17 am

‘Ladies for once and for all time please stop with the “but don’t you also make time for what you WANT to do?” as if he didn’t tell you that WORK or anything else is what he wants’

For Real – I’m saying that in the situation of where the dude claims he wants to date you, get to know you etc…Saying that’s what you want and making time to do it are two different things. And you BET not get smart with me because i’m carrying AA Dolphin pepper spray today.

‘It’s awful sad when you reach all of your goals and are standing there at the podium to receive your just deserts and no one is there to applaud you’

And I will rub one of your dolphins for exactly .0000039 seconds for that wonderful comment. lol

For Real

March 8th, 2011
11:26 am

Slim: All I’m saying is ole boy told you upfront what was most important to him and what consumed most of his time. It was you that decided the amount of time he was willing to give you wasn’t enough. In his eyes he may have been giving all the time he had left which may have been a big deal to him.

As for the rub and the .0000039 seconds, on my mark, 3,2,1 go! WAIT! WAIT! Let’s start over I lost count. Okay, 3,2,1 go! WAIT! WAIT! Dammit! I lost count again. Okay one more time.

For Real

March 8th, 2011
11:30 am

Leggs: That’s the thing about children or even someone that you care about, time doesn’t have a price on it because there is a fair exchange of it. Time only gets expensive when one party doesn’t get anything from the exchange.

Quote:
“If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it.”

Dan - Simply....Superior

March 8th, 2011
11:33 am

@For Real

It’s never been about the money (though a function of the product). For me, it was about being in a place that I was comfortable enough to get comfortable.

I was always looking for “next” in life, love, everything. And when I got to where I could get comfortable in the now, things got better.

thanks for the advice (and keep it coming, believe it not I’m not perfect)

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
11:34 am

I understand what you’re saying ForReal, yet there’s still a sacrafice being made. And, not all sacrafices are bad ones. Hell some give up promotions, etc to be with their children. And, it’s done with love and w/o complaint. I’m just saying, there may be a price somewhere (even if done w/love).

For Real

March 8th, 2011
11:41 am

Dan: Neither am I. As a matter of fact, the only reason I have any advice to offer is because I’m not perfect.

Leggs: I think what you are saying maybe a fundamental difference in how men and women view things. Where you see sacrifice, I ( and most men) see duty. It’s goes back to my earlier post about the security a man offers. But your view is interesting to me and I will have to think about that some more.

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
11:44 am

@ForReal ~ perhaps I am wording it wrong because I’m definitely not speaking for myself. Nothing I have done has been a sacrafice. Everything I do in parenting is my job, or as you say my duty and I do it all with a smile and love in my heart! I am proud to be a parent and I take the job very seriously.

For Real

March 8th, 2011
11:44 am

Oh and Leggs, from my perspective the only thing you can sacrifice is a need. Sacrificing a want is an oxymoron.

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
11:45 am

But, I do know of parents who bytch and moan and constantly speak of the sacrifices they have made over the years for their children (my sister being one of them).

TenderRoni

March 8th, 2011
12:09 pm

I sacrifice my wants for someone your needs, I sacrifice my needs for someone your wants.

SlimNumeroUno

March 8th, 2011
12:12 pm

I’ve been kidsitting since last Thursday and have 4 more days to go….I had to have me a glass of wine after going over that homework last night. Sheesh! Hat’s off to all you parents!!!

TenderRoni

March 8th, 2011
12:14 pm

there is no love without sacrifice

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
12:19 pm

@TenderRoni ~ immediately thought of the song “There is No Me Without You” by The Intruders.

TenderRoni

March 8th, 2011
12:22 pm

@Leggs, i think i remember that song..let me youtube it.

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
12:22 pm

Not sure why, but the some immediately popped in my head reading your posts!

Leggs

March 8th, 2011
12:22 pm

Dang, the “song” immediately popped….

For Real

March 8th, 2011
12:28 pm

“there is no love without sacrifice” – Is love involved when one is doing the “right” thing. Ex: Pulling someone out of burning building. Was it because of love or simply the right thing to do? Again, the female view of sacrifice is interesting.

For Real

March 8th, 2011
12:30 pm

Enter your comments here

TenderRoni

March 8th, 2011
12:35 pm

@Leggs, the song came up under the manhattans, are they a different group? And thats some baby-making music..lol

@ForReal- the right thing to do is to simply love