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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Never getting married? Tell your date!

It can be pretty disappointing when it dawns on you that you have not met the one.  Sometimes you clear those dating hurdles early on and it starts to look promising. You’re starting to feel really good about the prospect of something long-term.

Then it happens.

Perhaps their skeletons come screaming out the of closest. Maybe you find out about some awfully huge lie.  Or you realize that you have met, dated, and started to fall for.. Mr/Miss Never Ever Getting Married.

You start mentally rewinding to find out how you overlooked the signs and missed all those anti-marriage comments.  You wonder how it’s even possible that you ended up dating this person as long as you have without knowing they felt that way.

I’ve been there! This is why you ask key questions. Not in a Nancy Grace “Sir, please answer the question!” kind of way.  The direct approach works best, but there are certainly smooth and subtle ways to find information out.

There are plenty of single people who want to be married someday. Making sure you are dating one of them should be a primary goal! When is a good time to find out if they are marriage-minded?

If you don’t ever plan on marrying, would you tell your date that?  How soon would you let them know? Do you think that your attitude about marriage would ever change?

For those of you who want to marry: Would you consider long term relationship without marrying legally? Is it something you would possibly compromise if you felt that you and your partner could make it work?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

288 comments Add your comment

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 4th, 2011
4:19 pm

Ha! Thanks Dreams.
ARed Hey anytime. I just want the best for you. ;-)

AmazonRed™

March 4th, 2011
4:20 pm

Hey anytime. I just want the best for you.

Thanks, me too! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 4th, 2011
4:20 pm

@ swiss … funny you should say that, because she had a really nice tennis partner who wasn’t getting satisfied at home. I tried to diplomatically suggest a solution that envolved the three of us and drew back a bloody stump. LOL. She did not warm to what I thought was a perfectly logical idea…not at all.

never sprung

March 4th, 2011
4:21 pm

A 44 year old musician, who lives with his girlfriend. Red flags galore from those 2 things alone. Basically, he’s effing her real good and she’s “madly in love” as a result. I bet he doesn’t pay bills either, and walks around the house buckit nekkit d. Just because he knows he effs her real good. Have his tacos ready tonight.

I was hoping kellibean was younger than 25. He will not marry you unless you threaten to put him out in the streets. But even then he may just go live with his other woman, who is younger and more naive than you are.

kellibean

March 4th, 2011
4:24 pm

He is “sure” that he wants to be with me forever…he just doesn’t want the government issued paper. He seems to be afraid of having another bad marriage. I know that I would do everything in my power to make it a wonderful marriage. I think he’ll see that one day.

Until then, I’ll take it day by day and try not to be too consumed with the future. I tend to have an issue with worrying so much about that future that I can’t be content with the present. I’m changing that…

I guess it’s about time for me to sign off here. I have to go work at the Gwinnett Arena tonight for the Kid Rock show. Wish me luck! :-)

Thanks to everyone for your words of wisdom.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 4th, 2011
4:25 pm

Randy — My ex & I split because she decided she wanted to go full-time “L” word — but before we made the split official, I made sure I talked my way into a few guilt-induced 3-ways. Don’t judge me! Everybody deserves a parting gift… :lol:

kellibean

March 4th, 2011
4:26 pm

@never sprung…Wow…look at you passing judgement on a situation you know nothing about. I wonder how great your life is…

IJoni

March 4th, 2011
4:27 pm

Its funny. It seem there’s this stigma against people who don’t want to get married. However, there’s less of a stigma against divorced people. I think that is so unfair. There’s this line in a movie I saw once. These two people were talking about marriage and the one person says to the other, “…I don’t know. Smart people realize not to get married, I guess.” Lol. When I was in my 20’s I didn’t believe in marriage. Its funny, because when I would tell people that, they would look at me like I was crazy. Even people that had had terrible marriages or gone through an awful divorce. It amazes me that people like that still automatically think everyone should get married (even when their own marriage didn’t work). As I’ve gotten older (I’m 35), my mindset has changed more towards “take it or leave it”. If I get married great, if not thats fine too.

AmazonRed™

March 4th, 2011
4:27 pm

Lawd swiss…the stories y’all have on here.

never sprung

March 4th, 2011
4:29 pm

Looky here kellibean. I aint gonna sugarcoat this thing for ya. He aint marrying you. You’re providing him exactly what he needs (a home, mushy and meals) and he will string you along for as long as he can to keep it. When you’re finally fed up he will move on to the next young thang that will do it again for him. When someone is madly in love with you and want to be with you forever, they will do anything for you. Trust me on this. You are setting yourself up for hurt, eyes wide open. I hope the guy is working a gig tonight too.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 4th, 2011
4:29 pm

>but before we made the split official, I made sure I talked my way into a few guilt-induced 3-ways”

You ARE the man!!!

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 4th, 2011
4:32 pm

@ Swiss Now i’m jealous…may be Cougartown night.

AmazonRed™

March 4th, 2011
4:32 pm

Have a good weekend kellibean. Come back and see us!

never sprung

March 4th, 2011
4:33 pm

@ 4:26, you have given us plenty regarding your situation.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 4th, 2011
4:34 pm

ARed / Randy — And what she still doesn’t know to this day is that I captured one of the encounters on my web-cam… :lol:

AmazonRed™

March 4th, 2011
4:34 pm

If I get married great, if not thats fine too.

That’s where I am with it…especially since I don’t have to have kids. I’d certainly LIKE to be married, but I realize not everyone gets to marry the RIGHT person. So I just focus on having a life I can be proud of (and I do)

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 4th, 2011
4:34 pm

@ Swiss watched Californication last night when I git in. Every time he hits the mother, the daughter, and every odd combination imaginable, I find myself hinking I never got out of kindergarten in the game of love.

BlackMagicWoman

March 4th, 2011
4:35 pm

SWISS….you are the Devil! :lol:

NEVER SPRUNG…I co-sign your 4:29! I sounds like it came from me! :lol:

RANDY….since ARED is trying to hook us up…”How you doin” (said in my Wendy Williams voice, facial expressions and hand motions included)! :lol:

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 4th, 2011
4:35 pm

got in and thinking…sorry for the typo.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

March 4th, 2011
4:35 pm

Randy — Cougartown? You going to Johnny’s Hideaway? :lol:

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

March 4th, 2011
4:36 pm

Thanks, me too! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ARed I know. You’re Grade A, so you’ll get that in return. ;-)

Have a good weekend everyone.

AmazonRed™

March 4th, 2011
4:38 pm

You’re Grade A, so you’ll get that in return.

:oops: Thanks. Truly.

We’ll see! The years are rooooooling by! :lol:

Have an awesome weekend Mr. Dreams!

Animal187

March 4th, 2011
4:41 pm

The way things go for me is not well. I can date someone for a period of time and then when we start thinking that it can actually work, the woman changes up on me for some reason. This is usually after 6-8 months. The “real” person comes out and the “real” person is not the one I have been dating for the past few months but it was her “rep”. WTH??? I just want a woman that is going to be upfront from the first day we meet until the end. Is that too much to ask for? They are always looking for me to change but I will tell any woman I meet, “The person you see standing here now is the same person you will see 1 year from now.” If I only have 20 dollars in my pocket…guess what I only have 20 dollars in my pocket. Do not front, just be yourself then maybe people might get married.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 4th, 2011
4:41 pm

Doing well, BMW… no question better than i deserve ;-)

a country song by BJ Thomas was called “Getting New Looks from an Old Lover Again”. For some reason several of those have resurfaced in the last few days…flattering even if not interested.

Randyt (aka Been There, Done That, Got a Closet FULL of T-Shirts)

March 4th, 2011
4:43 pm

AAAAhhhh Johnny’s…wall to wall needy people…tempting LOL.

Leggs

March 4th, 2011
5:00 pm

Glad we stayed on topic ALL DAY.

SexyCool

March 4th, 2011
5:00 pm

It can’t be said any plainer than never sprung’s 429p.

Leggs

March 4th, 2011
5:01 pm

Marriage is not a reaction to a relationship, but rather the evolution of it. ~ Fion

Enjoy your weekend!

ASB

March 4th, 2011
8:17 pm

Learn from my mistake in trusting someone when they stated at the beginning of the relationship “Yes, I am open to getting married again.”. Ten years and two children later… Not married, not even in the same house, still dating…

kellibean

March 5th, 2011
12:12 am

Woo Hoo! My man actually confessed tonight that he’s not totally opposed to marriage with me! Yeah!!!

4evrSingle

March 5th, 2011
4:37 pm

I have nothing against the institution of marriage, I just have no intention of being institutionalized again. Been there, done that, hated it. I don’t need a “king” or a “prince” or a provider. I paddle my own canoe, have lots of good friends, great fun and a happy life never experienced in marriage. I have three terrific kids who are grown and on their own, and were raised by me alone when their dad took off to pursue his interests in drugs and alcohol. All Hail the Single Life! I’d tell that to a date on the first date, if I ever wanted to date, which I don’t because it’s not worth my time.

4evrSingle

March 5th, 2011
4:41 pm

kellibean: Read “He’s Just Not That Into You” it will tell you all you need (and don’t want to) know.

Roscoe P. Coltrain

March 5th, 2011
7:31 pm

I know you are…but what am I?

laserbadfiregood

March 5th, 2011
7:56 pm

yep shut your hole

My Two Cents

March 5th, 2011
8:12 pm

Kellibean:

You are much too smart for this guy. Do yourself a favor and look for someone who loves you from the beginning. You are having to prove yourself of marriage worthiness to this man and obviously he is not worth it. You have the purse strings and he has none. Get out while you can and find someone else. We women like to win. Trust me, this man is no prize. I promise that you will regret your actions if you stay with him. Good luck in your decisions.

Never getting married again

March 5th, 2011
8:23 pm

I live with my boyfriend and we were both honest from the start that we never want to remarry. I will never put myself in that situation again but agree that people should be honest upfront and not mislead people. I would not get involved with someone who wanted to get married because I can’t help them reach that goal.

"relationship"

March 5th, 2011
8:47 pm

The other day I was paid the highest compliment from my boyfriend of three years:

“Even though I don’t believe in the institution of marriage,
you would definitely be the one I’d want to marry- if I ever did marry.”

NEVER MIND

March 5th, 2011
9:04 pm

I am married now and I will never do it again been married 6 years if my wife leaves me a door to escape I’m kicking the door open!