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Archive for February, 2011

Is it love or lust?

It’s officially Valentine’s day and love is in the air. Well, more like in the restaurants, retail stores, and flower shops – but you know what I mean.   The day when love is on the minds of many people – single (who came up with Singles Awareness Day? I mean, really?) and coupled up people.

Last week we talked about the importance of passion in a relationship, especially if you want a long-lasting marriage. I often wonder how passion fuels the lust, that sometimes gets mistaken for love in the beginning.  How do you really know when you are falling in love or lust with someone?

What do you think the difference is between love and lust? Have you felt as if you have been in love and/or lust? Do you think the two “feel” the same or is there a notable difference?

Have you ever thought you were in love, only to discover later that you were mistaking it for lust? What did you do?

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating …

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Are love letters extinct?

Do you remember the last time you received a love letter or poem? No? Me either! I recall when my boyfriend poured his heart out in a love letter and wrote poems about me…on paper. He didn’t tweet me, he didn’t send it on Facebook, and he definitely didn’t put it in a text.

How much romance can you inject into 140 characters, using emoticons, or those oh so annoying abbreviations ? The worst part is that a lot of people probably wouldn’t even know how to write a love letter these days, it’s like a lost art!

AJC’s Jill Vejnoska writes about the decline of the love letter in the digital age that will also appear in this week’s Sunday Paper.

My friends, if you do nothing else on Valentine’s day, you should suspend your normal “electronic” wooing habits and write a love letter. Seriously. It could be a throwback move that invokes feelings of nostalgia. You are pretty much guaranteed bonus points for making the effort.

It takes courage to put your emotions in a “four-paged …

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Scared of a marriage minus the passion?

I am fully aware that I can be a hopeless romantic at times. I’m not delusional about the “fluff I see in movies” kind of romance. I’m just all about passion in a relationship. I just love the idea of being with the one person that truly does it for me – connecting to them on many levels. Passion is important! Am I being naive, though?

One of the many, many fears I have about settling down and marrying is being stuck in a marriage that lacks passion. Do you ever think about what you would do if you ended up with a marriage that had mediocre sex, constant fighting, and awful communication? That sounds like my version of hell!

I have seen some marriages that seem to fit this profile. I always wonder if they were ever in love and passionate about one another. How do couples manage to get so far away from how it was in the beginning?

So I don’t feel like a completely irrational freak, is there something about marriage you fear?

It would be great to have folks who have been there …

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When love comes calling – from another city?

We know Atlanta has the cool dating scene. There are a lot of places to go see and be seen. We have the great looking people and the hottest parties.  What happens when you are ready to get off the dating scene and fall in love? Do you think Atlanta is a city conducive to that happening?

While we rank pretty high on any given best city for singles list, it looks as if the best city for love (you know, grown up, make it work  kind?) is not Atlanta. It’s San Antonio, Texas.  I know! I’m shocked too.  I go there once a year on my trek to do volunteer work in Mexico.  I had no idea I was in the city of matrimony and love. Maybe I should stay in the city a little longer this year!

This list that The Daily Beast compiled pulled the most telling statistics of each city. They looked at which cities had  “a high prevalence of marriage, a low incidence of divorce, a relatively happy population and a wealth of bars and restaurants to meet and woo a significant other”.  Sounds fair …

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Their dating mistakes, but do you pay the price?

I think it was Abraham Lincoln that said “I don’t think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.”  This is especially true when we think about how little we knew about love, sex, and relationships before compared to what we know now! Would you say that you are smarter now?

Of course,  there are relationship lessons that some people refuse to learn. It sort of has this butterfly effect that can actually effect other people. I know I’ve been stuck on stupid before and it probably turned into a train wreck for someone else.

I’m sure that some poor soul has had to pay the price of bad decisions made by somebody else.  A cheating wife or girlfriend has made some guy super paranoid or bitter.  A possessive or jealous man has turned a once free spirited woman into a guarded person that doesn’t let anyone in.

Do you think that your dating mistakes has caused another person to endure challenges?

Do you ever feel as if you are paying the relationship price of …

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Dating women: What do you want from us?

I spent Superbowl Sunday in a den of testosterone surrounded by male debauchery.  My boys know how to throw a party and they certainly didn’t disappoint. I can always count on them for insight into the male brain and believe me, they don’t sugarcoat anything. Ever.

One of them recently broke up with someone that I personally thought was a great match for him. Of course it’s good to break things off when you know there is no future but I always worry when I see people bail out so soon.

Every guy is different but when it comes to dating women, what exactly do you want? I read somewhere that some men will keep looking for the woman that he won’t ever cheat on? Do you agree?

Ladies do you think you know and understand what men what from you in a dating relationship? Do you have a hard time figuring it out based on their behavior?

Are we supposed to be clear about our dating intentions? Do you think it’s necessary so that we can actually make it to the relationship and commitment …

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Dating dilemma: Hard showing softer side?

There are a lot of people who struggle with the idea of being vulnerable and open.  I’ll admit, just typing vulnerable and open makes me slightly twitchy.  It’s a natural part of relationship if you ever want to have true intimacy. I’m hoping the right partner and a whole lot of effort on my part will make it exponentially less scary.

Showing your softer, gentler side  can also go a long way in attracting and dating too though. Of course, it’s never fun to be someone’s doormat and put up with any ole kind of ratchet behavior.  Do you think that there is a way to find a balance?

Does your soft and gentle side come naturally to you, or do you have to work at it a little? Do men really have a hard time showing their soft side? Is it easier for you to show that side when you trust the woman?

I know a lot of women who are completely enamored by a man who is comfortable showing his soft and gently side. It’s a classic sign of a “chick whisperer”!  A nice blend of confident and …

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My (magic) number, my business

A reader is going through a little rough patch with her new boyfriend.  Somehow the topic of “magic numbers” came up. She tried her best to sidestep the conversation but he eventually asked her outright, “So how many partners have you been with?”  When she refused to answer, he started making wild accusations about her past and why she was being so cryptic.  Finally, she told him, “You know what? It’s really not your business.”  Oy.

Obviously, that didn’t go over well and now they have a weirdness between them that probably won’t go away until they address the big pink number in the room.  Do you think the person you are dating has a right to know your magic number?

When I asked what exactly made her so hesitant to tell him, she told me she is not proud of her number.  I think that not telling him will make him suspect that is high. What do you think? Is she screwed either way? Do women assume that men will judge them harshly or is it a valid concern?

Is it a bad sign if the …

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Does love make you dumb?

It’s February so I’m practically obligated to think about love. I’m not complaining though! Love is wonderful and grand. I marvel at it in a lot of ways. As great and exhilarating as love can be, it can also get crazy and irrational. I’m not a fan of that part but I am starting to think it is part of the process.

Do you think that doing dumb things for the person you love is a part of being in a relationship?

Are we to be held responsible for our actions when we are head over heels, falling hard (and fast) in love?

What was the dumbest thing you did for love?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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Fall for your type

It can be daunting trying to figure out why we are always drawn to a certain type of person. Honestly, sometimes it feels like one of life’s great mysteries, with no rhyme or reason to it.

Attraction has a way of making us forget that we have met and dated a certain type before..even when it ended badly. I’m guilty of having relationship amnesia and I end up right back in the same predicament. It’s an awful deja vu moment to think that you have chosen the wrong type of person to invest time in.

Do you have a type that you always seem drawn to? Do you ever wonder why?

This is why I am such a big fan of going against type and leaving your comfort zone in dating. I have had good experiences when I give it a try! If you were to date someone totally opposite of who you usually are drawn to, what do you think would happen?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

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