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Dating dilemma: What if they have a mean streak?

Everyone knows that the first 90 days is the honeymoon phase in dating.  You don’t usually meet the “real” person until you’ve seen them in different environments and/or handling a variety of circumstances.  What happens when you are seeing someone new and you see their nasty side  (read: Not the good kind. The Ms. Jackson, If you’re ‘nasty’ kind)?

Obviously, you don’t want to dump someone for having a normal, human emotion, do you? Would it bother you if someone you were seeing revealed a pretty mean streak? What do you do when you have seen them react to something in a way that doesn’t really sit well with you?

What are you willing to overlook and what classifies as a deal-breaking mean streak?

Have you ever been on a date and the person had a seemingly random outburst of anger or mean behavior?

Happy Monday! I hope you all enjoyed that beautiful weather this weekend!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

308 comments Add your comment

[...] more from the original source: Dating dilemma: What if they have a mean streak? | Misadventures … This entry was posted in Dating and tagged dating, honeymoon, meet-the-real, real, the-first, [...]

DMV

February 28th, 2011
8:23 am

While emotions are fine and today we have to be able to express your “sensitive” side, according to the new socialogical standard, I was always taught that it was very unmanly to lose control and go off on an uncontrolled rant. You can be firm and put an exclamation point on something without showing your a$$ and being counterproductive. This would also apply to the other gender, as well.

SugarHillDawg

February 28th, 2011
8:26 am

In this day and age when metrosexuals are depicted in EVERY commercial where “men” are involved and the total immasculation of the American male, you would think that a “mean streak” would be welcome in this day and age but I guess I would be wrong huh? Well I guess I’ll just take my club and go back to my cave.

Tim

February 28th, 2011
8:49 am

If’n she’s mean, I let Cletus date her. He likes that.

Eldridge

February 28th, 2011
8:55 am

I’ve about had it with mean women, but I’m learning to filter them out. Here’s what to watch for.

1. Self centered.
2. No sense of humor.
3. Insecure.
4. No life aside from work and gossip about work.
5. Expect to be entertained at all times.
6. Easily bored.
7. Materialistic.
8. Hyper critical.
9. Constantly making comparisons.
10. Vain
11. Controlling
12. Shoes are too tight.

If your date fits three of more of the above, she’s likely to have a mean streak.

Leggs

February 28th, 2011
9:03 am

Good morning. I definitely enjoyed the beautiful weather.

There really is no need to be mean on a date. If things are a little haywire, communicate the problem in a rationale manner. If this doesn’t work, end the evening and part ways. But, I don’t understand those who go out on a date knowing they’re in a foul mood. It’s best to simply ask for a raincheck.

mark

February 28th, 2011
9:04 am

i had a lady totaly flip out on a server at dinner . on our first date is like WTF! heifer you crazy!

David

February 28th, 2011
9:07 am

Women can be just as mean as men can be and neither gender can own up to it. Women that constantly tell the men what they are doing too much of, not doing enough of, comparing their SO to “Lisa’s man”, never having a positive thing to say about anything, or getting their feelings hurt every time the wind changes direction. Women critcize men, but to criticize a woman is bound to get you a trip to the Arctic Circle indefinately.Sometimes I think if men reacted to women in the way women react to men, there would be a third world war and it wouldn’t be the political differences that started it.

Nestor

February 28th, 2011
9:11 am

Do not to confuse hedonism with malice when she bites the head off a kitten.

Heifer Eater

February 28th, 2011
9:12 am

My g/f is obviously going through menapause, because her mood swings, temper and just complaining about everything under the sun has hit an all time high the past seven months. Even mentioning “Why in the world is this bothing you so much?” is just the lead in to yet a new argument. Might be time to cash in on my lease and get a new model…

Dan - Simply....Superior

February 28th, 2011
9:13 am

Mean is relative.

What I tend to look at is how people treat service workers. Do you leave a mess, are you rude (to the people bringing you your food nonetheless), do you treat the lady cleaning the bathroom with respect?

These interactions tell me so much more about a person than anything she could say otherwise. In part, because having served in those capacities, it hurts to see just how badly some people treat you.

So yeah, mean to me could be a symptom of a bad day; but showing no respect to strangers means I might not need to be talking to you.

‘Morning

Heart&Soul

February 28th, 2011
9:13 am

Good Morning!!

If someone is easily rattled about EVERYTHING then they aren’t in control of their emotions. It’s obvious an underlying sign of what to expect in any other dates ahead….If the quiet voice within you is not telling you to KIM or the red neon DANGER sign isn’t illuminating in their eyes then consider yourself prone to such behavior! Going from being calm into a rage that is faster than a speeding bullet will urge me to gracefully make an exit.

I’d rather have a peace of mind than to rationalize with a neurotic individual whose richter scale is off the charts….there is no prediction of when their earthquake will occur!

MC Hammock

February 28th, 2011
9:21 am

G’mornin all!

Julie

February 28th, 2011
9:27 am

Here’s what I watch for when dating men to filter them out:

1) They don’t like animals.
2) They don’t like children. (I don’t have any, nor am I interested in having any.)
3) They’re possessive.
4) They like porn.
5) They don’t pay their child support, if they have children.
6) Fall in love by the third date.
7) Play one-up-manship.
8) Your opinion doesn’t matter, but theirs does.
9) Belittles others.

6)

Sebastian

February 28th, 2011
9:28 am

Morning to you all. I got married in fall-ish time of year and around Christmas my wife showed me her evil side. I’m not trying to air my laundry but I had never seen that side and in that situation I could only WOO-SAH!!!!

MC Hammock

February 28th, 2011
9:36 am

Julie wants a man that doesn’t like porn? I can understand being addicted to it….but doesn’t like it? Man, you’re whittling down the selection pool…lol. OK, I’m making a funny here….put the frying pans down….

Julie

February 28th, 2011
9:38 am

10) Men who make sexist comments.

kimmie

February 28th, 2011
9:39 am

Morning Gang!

Dan, I like your post and agree with it so I am going to cosign it. It reminds me of what my mom used to tell me, about treating EVERYONE no matter their position or station in life, with respect and kindness.

Looks like a lot of trolls are in here today so I’ll lurk for awhile.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 28th, 2011
9:41 am

Agree with Dan 100%. The real person will always be demonstrated by how he/she treats others when she does not HAVE to be nice. Cop and attitude with servers, cashiers, bagboys, etc., and I don’t care if you can do the golf ball thru a water hose thing…you’re out of here.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 28th, 2011
9:49 am

…continued. I guess I should expand by saying that Kimmie hits it on the head…treating others with respect. I might let it slide once or twice if the person on the other end has been rude, but if it is a pattern that suggests that the lady thinks it is all about her, then I’d rather be home with a beer and a good book.

A lady I knew, had a banner running across her computer screen. It said “Being alone is much better than being wioth the wrong person”. I agree.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 28th, 2011
9:50 am

How do I make so many typos and don’t catch them…sorry.

SexyCool

February 28th, 2011
9:54 am

I get the point about the treatment of service people. However, common sense would dictate that politeness and a measure of respect for the person that is handling your food is a no brainer.

So, if I see a person mistreating a server in a restaurant, I am going to immediately question their level of intelligence.

kimmie

February 28th, 2011
10:04 am

SCool – That same thought occurred to me.

Leggs

February 28th, 2011
10:05 am

If you’re nice to everyone you encounter you don’t have to worry about being selective. Just be cordial and respectful.

SexyCool

February 28th, 2011
10:06 am

Very good point, Leggs.

Dan - Simply....Superior

February 28th, 2011
10:11 am

@SC

You’d be surprised at how often people don’t practice common sense in that situation.

Talking on the phone while ordering, acting as if the person is interrupting them by asking for their order, just all manner of foolishness.

I think back to sliding burgers across the kitchen floor behind some rude arse people and put the phone/text/newpaper/etc. down..

MC Hammock

February 28th, 2011
10:12 am

I’va always thought that if you use “Please”, “Thank you”, “You’re welcome” and “Please excuse me”, those are building blocks for a decent person. But then again, I’m from south georgia and my mother would have put boot to behind if I didn’t use those phrases every day. She and my Dad were REAL big on manners….and they still are. If you don’t use manners, that’s a sign of poor breeding….lol

TenderRoni

February 28th, 2011
10:17 am

@Eldridge, the same can be said about men, with slight variations. Haha
1. Self centered.
2. No sense of humor sarcastic
3. Insecure.
4. No life aside from work and gossip about work sports
5. Expect to be entertained at all times sex without a commitment
6. Easily bored complacent
7. Materialistic Cheap
8. Hyper critical.
9. Constantly making comparisons.
10. Vain
11. Controlling
12. Shoes are too tight Has given up on losing the belly fat

Patches

February 28th, 2011
10:18 am

White Men beat their women 8 times the rate of black men. In fact, the top 2 killers of young white women in America are AIDS, and Femicide *murder.

BlackMagicWoman

February 28th, 2011
10:20 am

I will admit I have a mean streak. But you have to really push me to it. Granted I can be pessimistic and dismal…but I am a really nice person. Sometimes too nice where my kindness gets mistaken for weakness. Then that other side comes out that guys claim they never knew I had. Hell, I tell you up front that I am the “Sweetest b*tch you’ll ever know”! :lol:

I recently started dealing with this guy and usually I run straight for the hills when a man says he’s a Gemini. Now don’t get me wrong…I am not one of those astro-nuts who consults the stars on everything. But every Gemini man if friggin’ nuts! They are more moody that a pregnant or menopausal woman. I wonder is there an astro-bipolarness (yeah I made that word up) in them. Well he caught a ‘tude with me beacuse I reminded him I am celibate when he started suggesting that I stay over, etc. Now this was all via text. Sometimes it’s a curse and bleesing because you can say go back and read what you said jerk0ff! Well anyway that was on Wednesday and we were supposed to see each other on Friday. I heard nothign from him so I just assumed we had nothing else to say to each other. Well Saturday I get a text asking me what’s up and I say I am getting dressed to go out. He said that he thought we where seeing each other. I kindly reminded him of his b*tch-a-tude and that I will not stand for it. He said he was over it. I was ok….and left it alone. I refuse to deal with ‘tudes of a grown man. And sense I am seeing this now…it’s my red flag. So it may be harsh but I think I am done with dude. It’s only been a month and half. I don’t want to waste time only to find out I should have taken my exit stage left a long time ago!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 28th, 2011
10:20 am

Morning
I hope everyone enjoyed the weekend.

On topic: I’m an easy-going guy, so I like someone who is also easy to get along with.

BlackMagicWoman

February 28th, 2011
10:21 am

Hot dayum TENDERONI….your 10:17 is on point! :lol:

TenderRoni

February 28th, 2011
10:25 am

@BMW,thanks..I had to do it, I couldn’t let him get away with his post without representing the other side!

Leggs

February 28th, 2011
10:26 am

@MC H ~ that’s exactly how I feel. Manners are very, very important to me, and when I come across someone who doesn’t use them I cringe (esp. with children).

Damn BMW ~ to get an attitude becuase you’re celibate and stated such upfront is a punk move. Much like what some women do. Once I get him I can change him. He probably thought he could manipulate your emotions into dropping the drawers. I was invited over this weekend for a few glasses of wine to share in something he was celebrating. I declined simply because I didn’t feel like being around an octupus after a few drinks. Know your limits and you won’t get stung or punched!

For Real

February 28th, 2011
10:26 am

Why all the hate for Gemini’s?

kimmie

February 28th, 2011
10:27 am

Dreams – Same with me – I don’t deal with moody well because I’m not. Heck, I don’t even like going out with friends that complain & stress over everything too much.

Yes, if I get a glimpse that a guy has a mean streak that he can’t seem to keep under control, that’s a sign I take very seriously. All women should. And some guys think that “mean” woman is sexy, spicy. They ignore the signs or think that mess is cute. It’s not, and it gets very old down the line, so think long and hard about dealing with someone like that.

Blackfoote

February 28th, 2011
10:31 am

All comments are good but we live in a world where some will be vile and mean spirited because it’s who they are. Common sense and politeness isn’t a given and you can see that on your own when you’re driving to work on any given day. I will put a lid on people with Eldridge’s 1,2,10, and 11 for both sexes.

It’s Monday and It’s Good:

Fion

February 28th, 2011
10:31 am

“What do you do when you have seen them react to something in a way that doesn’t really sit well with you?”

Look, let’s face it team, there are some sociologically and emotionally bruised folks out here. Those bruises manifest themselves in a multiplicity of ways. Angry behavior, selfishness, detachment and the like.
Man, all I can say is this, when that stuff shows up stick around for the second Act at your own peril.
It’s kinda like that Hwy. sign that says, “ Bridge out ahead 500ft.”

For Real

February 28th, 2011
10:31 am

On topic: I don’t associate with people that will not control their emotions. For the record everyone has a mean streak and it ain’t cute period. You control your emotions and I will control my emotions. No excuses for you and no excuses for me.

SexyCool

February 28th, 2011
10:35 am

Yeah…no…I don’t do mean dudes. Because dealing with the ups and downs of a relationship and its inevitable disagreements are trying enough without having to be faced with someone who has the capacity to be mean, spiteful and say hateful things intended to injure me.

I realize that unintentional injury sometimes occurs in relationships. A person can do or say something that hurts when that was not their INTENT. But if you willingly strike out at me with the INTENT to hurt my feelings, make me angry, make me cry or harm me in any manner….then you are not the person that I need in my life.

For Real

February 28th, 2011
10:36 am

And why is so hard for people to be nice. I mean how hard is it to say please, thank you or excuse me? I believe the “I deserve” mentality has ruined this country.

Youwantsome?

February 28th, 2011
10:38 am

I am mean yes, but only because my dude makes me that way!!! He is a total slob! Doesn’t pick up after himself, scratches his booty in my presence and wants to cook dinner, can’t afford a simple engagement ring, and he wants loving all the time. I just can’t help but, to yell at him. Have told him many times I want to be single but, he is not getting the point. Our apartment lease is up soon and I am moving to a 1 bedroom. Maybe he will get the hint then. Men… Hmmph!!! In any other situation I am a sweet loving person…

SexyCool

February 28th, 2011
10:40 am

YWS – Sounds like your dude is trying to make you break up with him…..and succeeding….and probably thankful.

Youwantsome?

February 28th, 2011
10:41 am

No, he wants to marry me and talks about our future everyday. I have given him lots of outs but, he doesn’t want to take them.

Leggs

February 28th, 2011
10:48 am

He doesn’t want to take them because he knows he’s not going to find another woman to deal with his BS. If he can’t afford an engagement ring, may mean his finances aren’t in order or he doesn’t have the greatest paying job on top of everything else he has to do with his funds. He knows you’ve been tolerant of his behavior because you’re still with him. If you really want out, you’ll get out without yelling at him like he’s a child.

SexyCool

February 28th, 2011
10:50 am

Yeah…I can see how being yelled at really makes a man want to get married.

Youwantsome?

February 28th, 2011
10:51 am

You are right Leggs. Instead of yelling I should start packing. You are also right about putting up with his BS. No other woman would do it….

BlackMagicWoman

February 28th, 2011
10:51 am

” I declined simply because I didn’t feel like being around an octupus after a few drinks. ”

LEGGS…I can NOT stand Mr. Gropy Hands, drunk or sober. Dudes act as if personal space limits do not include them. That is the right path to being cut or tazered man! Don’t *&%$ with me! :lol:
But yeah I guess he thought he could talk me out of my knickers. The joke was on him. :lol:

YOUWANTSOME…dayum girl…wooosaaaa! :lol: Yeah he sounds like a prince (insert sarcasm here)! :lol:

MC Hammock

February 28th, 2011
10:51 am

I think that the way society is and it’s “entitlement” attitude sums it up best in the “It’s all about me”. You do have to look out for yourself, but if you take it to the extreme, you will be the ONLY person looking out for you whether you planned it that way or not. Don’t be surprised if you wind up a loneley man/woman and you’ll only have yourself to blame. It doesn’t cost anything to be nice and others will notice and reply back in kind. If they don’t then you’ve just had your encounter with the “It’s all about me” person.

SlimNumeroUno

February 28th, 2011
10:54 am

For Real – Who said summin bout us Geminis? :roll: