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Online dating: Does everyone lie?

In case you missed the quick and dirty scandal in the news, New York Congressman Chris Lee resigned after Gawker.com revealed that he was doing a little internet flirting.  He had a brief email exchange with a single woman in DC and led her to believe that he was a 39 year old single father. Turns out he was married, with children, 46, oh and a congressman!

I felt bad for the young woman, “Leggy Glamazon” because I have certainly been where she has been.  I’ve met men who totally misrepresented themselves online. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if one of the posers turned out to be a politician or public figure.  (Full disclosure: I actually met and hung out with the Leggy Glamazon last year and I found her to be fabulous and cool.)

Needless to say, it brought back awful memories of discovering the lies that people tell. I think I read some outrageous statistic that up to 30% of online daters are actually married. This isn’t the – divorce papers about to be signed kind of married- either.  It’s more like – still rocking the wedding band, living with mate, pretending to be happy at home – kind of married.

I won’t bash online dating because it can work, although  not actively online dating myself.  It’s just that stories like this reminds us that a lot of people lie online. It’s just something you have to deal with in dating – online and off.

Do you think that everyone lies on their dating profiles? Is there a way to filter out the posers?

How can you tell if the person you are dating is actually single?

Happy Friday!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

300 comments Add your comment

theriddler

February 25th, 2011
5:19 am

First. Great read.

sane jane

February 25th, 2011
6:33 am

I don’t think sympathy is warranted here ~ she busted an idiot pol doing something stupid on craigslist. That’s pretty awesome & hysterical, but not worthy of sympathy because the moron had “misrepresented” himself.

I used every online dating site under the sun when I was single, but only a fool would expect honesty when trolling craigslist for romance…

Become a sleuth

February 25th, 2011
6:43 am

No, not everyone lies online. I was honest and I met a few men who proved true to their profiles. I’m engaged now, so I’m not in that game anymore and no, we didn’t meet online.

Re: how to find out if they’re single, become a sleuth. Get some basic info like birth date, also a land line number. Make use of people search engines like Veromi.net, Zabasearch and whitepages.com. put in the info you have, cross-reference addresses, etc. If you get a street address, map it out and drive by to check out their neighborhood. You gotta protect yourself. And Craigslist I’d avoid altogether. Geez. Crazy people live there. LOL.

Check out the book Living Well Despite Catching Hell; in it are tips about online dating and if you’re single how to get out and mingle in new places. One tip: Stop waiting for him to “find” you! [no, ladies, that's not what it says!] Good luck.

lamerz

February 25th, 2011
7:38 am

Easiest way to tell an age liar are the ones who’s age ends with a 9 (see the “39 year old” congressman above). Run a search on any dating site for 29, 39, 49, and you’ll see 5x as many people at that age than at the one just above, 30, 40, 50.

Breezy

February 25th, 2011
8:09 am

Great Subject-I’ve been in the online dating scene for a month (at the urging of several of my friends) and have decided to pull out of all of them. Not only have I run into several who have lied about their age (and look nothing like their profile pix) but have been solicited for money on three occasions by scammers (there are websites that provide info about Internet scammers like emails, names, pix, etc).

I’ve met a few great guys but they didn’t go anywhere because they were serial online daters. NOT TO MENTION THE CRAZIES! There are several sites, like matchchecker.com, that you can check on the credentials of individuals you meet off the Internet.

Personally, I’m afraid to admit that I’d rather meet someone in a bar and get to know them that way versus the false persona one gets from chatting with someone online.

WomenDoItTo

February 25th, 2011
8:18 am

Don’t kid yourselves, ladies. I tried internet dating for a while after my wife passed away (after waiting more than a year, thank you). Most of the women that I met turned out to be absolutely nothing like they described themselves to be. Not only did they not look like the very old photos they used in their profile, but they had generally high regard for themselves that proved to be mostly unwarranted. I finally did meet one who was genuine and honest. We have been dating for a year, now. It was apparent the moment that I first spoke to her that she was different. She also did a thorough background check on me to make sure that I was who, and what, I presented myself as. We are very happy together and I look forward to many, many years together with her.

SlimNumeroUno

February 25th, 2011
8:23 am

Good morning,

‘Do you think that everyone lies on their dating profiles? Is there a way to filter out the posers?’

Um, I’m sure folks may embelish or lie by omission on dating sites…so they lie in some form. You will rarely see someone looking for a significant other, all while posting their dirty laundry for all to see…

Hey there i’m Not totally single, actually i’m married. I already have one chick on the side who is carrying my child. I do have 3 kids with my current wife, who I am happy with but I really just need a break from our normal day-to-day routine. If you’re wondering about my gf on the side, I honestly wanted to stop dealing with her a year ago and wanted her to a b o r t this baby but she sort of caught feelings for me. Imagine that…

I’m not a very honest guy but I do love having a GOOD TIME. I’m seeking a gullible desperate honey with a banging body that wouldn’t mind meeting up in discreet alley ways, parking garages or to my office on occasion for a little spontaneous noo kie. I prefer women but I do dabble a little with straight looking G-hey guys…Please note, I am a ‘receiver of oral only’. I can’t have anyone thinking I roll that way. So with that said, hit me up if you’re ready to have a non-meaningful, discreet yet Super Fun, short-term romp wit ya boy. SINGLE UNATTACHED LADIES ONLY, AS I DO NOT LIKE TO SHARE (because i’m super jealous – what can I say, I’m an only child)

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 25th, 2011
8:46 am

nice Slim, nice

Simple Man!!!!

February 25th, 2011
8:49 am

Morning peeps…..

Online dating is just like brick and mortar dating….People lie about there status at the Kroger as much as they do on Match.com!! But since the topic is online dating, I guess the only place online where everyone will be 100% honest regarding their status is Ashley Madison.com !!!!

Simple Man!!!!

February 25th, 2011
8:53 am

Damn, Slim….

Are the ladies really having to deal with that????

SlimNumeroUno

February 25th, 2011
8:59 am

I’m sure if you all logged onto that site horn y matches dot com that you’d find profiles like that

SlimNumeroUno

February 25th, 2011
9:03 am

WDIT – You are right, women do embellish or distorty the truth…posting only head shots because everything below the neckline would be considered morbidly obese….using HS pics…a friend’s pics instead of their own…not being honest about the many baby daddies she has for her 4 kids but her Profile says they were all fathered by her ex-husband. Yup, they do it too

Purple Rain "Why don't you purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka?"

February 25th, 2011
9:09 am

Online if that is your thing should just be the start once you meet in person you should be able to sort out the truth. But if your whole courtship is based on online experiences, no phone calls, no physical dates just Skype and chat rooms…well there are tons of room for someone to mislead you. Make it real and do not rely on technology. I lie online because if I were to reveal my true awesomenessity it would shut the internet down. I had a great time hanging out with the fellas after business hours on the blog last evening!

MC Hammock

February 25th, 2011
9:12 am

Yes, people lie or embelish. Is that such a shock? It’s no more than talking on the phone or meeting up somewhere. It’s just when you meet up, you can’t lie about your appearance. I have no trouble meeting people or women and love the atmosphere and excitement.But before I got married, I did try the internet dating thing and I can promise you, I have never met more women from so many places and had a better time in all my life. I only did it for about 8 mos, but I look back on that time period and practically laugh with the memories. Were all of them great or even good? Nope, but that’s just the journey. Some just wanted to hang, some wanted it to go further and others wanted to see just how many times we could have sex over the weekend (a lot). I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything and if I ever became single again, I would dabble in it as well as customary dating/meeting again. It’s all good, people.

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
9:14 am

I must say that I don’t think anyone online or in reality is 100% truthful, whether it be to protect themselves or to protect others.

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
9:22 am

Ok I have a question, say you go to one of those pay sites and do a background check on someone. Then you find out something that strikes you as odd, not a deal breaker but odd. Do you confront that person the next time you talk to them or do you wait a little while for them to be more comfortable and see if they tell you themselves?

Yes She Is Cute

February 25th, 2011
9:22 am

Chris Lee didn’t have to resign for that indiscretion. I’ve seen politicians vehemently deny even when there is undeniable proof. That makes me think that is the tip of the iceberg if that made him resign….

Either way he could have just moved to Stockbridge and been my personal congressman. I mean he looks good! :)

Yes She Is Cute

February 25th, 2011
9:24 am

I just realized I didn’t answer the question. Online dating is like job shopping. If they don’t outright lie a good 30% is fluff (euphemisms for their neuroses). I mean it is what it is take everything with a grain of salt. I try to be very blunt and disclaim (just letting you know up front x, y, z). But my friends say that that’s what drives men away. I have a boyfriend right now so it doesn’t really matter but again it is what it is.

Fion

February 25th, 2011
9:26 am

How can you tell if the person you are dating is actually single?

When the Facts that you’ve assembled diverge from the behavior and actions of the other person then how do you say,

“Houston we have a Problem”.

SlimNumeroUno

February 25th, 2011
9:26 am

If someone told me they did a background check on me, I’m not sure how well that would sit with me. I don’t think they’d find too much of anything out other than all the folks in line waiting to get paid. lol

Fion

February 25th, 2011
9:30 am

Factoid:
What you say + What you do = Who you are.

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
9:31 am

Slim, if you do a background check on me it will comeback “Run, as fast as you can!” LOL

MC Hammock

February 25th, 2011
9:43 am

The only background check I make is to make sure that their back end isn’t so big that it’s grounded. LMAO

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 25th, 2011
9:44 am

@Fion

That logic doesn’t hold.

People say one thing, believe another, and do something contrary to both.

The best judge of character is not what’s said (remember “the definition of ‘is’”) as semantics are verbal chess. A person is defined by their actions over a period of time.

[...] original here: Online dating: Does everyone lie? | Misadventures in Atlanta This entry was posted in Dating and tagged congressman, gawker-com, missed-the-quick, news, [...]

Celisea

February 25th, 2011
9:51 am

Do you think that everyone lies on their dating profiles? Is there a way to filter out the posers?

I don’t do nor have ever tried online dating and do not foresee this happening in the future. But if folks lie in person, why would they not lie online? Perfect set up for sending headshots of the chin up because you know if even the neck is exposed that would be the tell all or pics from a lifetime ago when you was still cute and had baby fat and baby hair…lol. Of course too, the evasive dream of what you wanted to be when you grew up but was never quite within your grasp so you mimick on paper the could have beens or the should have beens or even better your layout of “still in the processing of still getting there” dream.

SlimNumeroUno

February 25th, 2011
9:52 am

Purp – Now you have me intrigued. What’s your social so I can get me a good laugh? lol

Celisea

February 25th, 2011
9:54 am

ooops, morning

Fion

February 25th, 2011
9:55 am

@ Dan
Oh contraire Monfrère,
Didn’t say anything about belief. Not to split hairs with you, but when you view someone’s Actions over a period of time smashed against what they have Said, it’s pretty clear guide of who you are dealing with.

Celisea

February 25th, 2011
9:59 am

Oh, to second question of filtering out posers….as with anything else if you wait long enough actions will either match the talk or not. You don’t have to filter, people will do it themselves.

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
9:59 am

Celisea, good morning!

Slim, 000-00-0001

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
10:00 am

Yes, if your filter does not catch people they will expose themselves unless they have really made a change for the better.

BlackMagicWoman

February 25th, 2011
10:01 am

SLIM….girl you are crazy! :lol: I almost spat out my cocoa!

Now I have done some online dating. It’s funny how guys will say they are looking for a relationship then all of a sudden they do not know what they want. I had it on my profile that I was celibate. And yet the horn dogs still hit me up. Then caught tudes when they realized that all the lying and scheming and teenage boy game playing would not work to get me out of my panties. I have come to the conclusion that the net dating is the devil. Hell even if you are not looking to date…there are predators waiting and lurking for the right moment to strike…just like a snake. Although I like snakes and they are more honorable then the liars who lie about things susch as the career (or lack of), their status (conveniently single ), their home (or lack thereof…it’s some chicks crib you are in loser), their cars (again, it’s some chick’s car), kids (yes, the ones on the way and those pending DNA and those you do not see or support financially do count a$$hole)! Need I go on? :roll: I am done with internet dating. I will take meeting the losers face to face from the start.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 25th, 2011
10:01 am

“if your filter does not catch people they will expose themselves”

Literally.

Celisea

February 25th, 2011
10:04 am

PR – Morning!!

Anyone looking for a job….we have an opening. We just had our treasury person to resign and was going to do weeks but given he’s going to the competition ummm, they asked him to leave 2 days after he announced…so the position is currently open. I can find out the range of pay if anyone is interested.

Fion

February 25th, 2011
10:05 am

@Celisea
your 9:59 am Exactly.

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
10:05 am

Swissl, LOL

Black, see that is a prime reason not to online date because in person you can figure that stuff out really quickly. I guess I am a tad bit to paranoid to online date, if I or my family does not have a few degrees of separation of knowing someone in your family it is not going to happen. If I met someone from the internet I would always be on guard in reserve even though outwardly it may or may not show.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 25th, 2011
10:06 am

“It’s funny how guys will say they are looking for a relationship then all of a sudden they do not know what they want.”

It’s the ol’ bait & switch, BMW… Just like chicks will post a photo of themselves from 10 years (and 40 pounds) ago as date bait…. :lol:

Like Simple and probably others have said, online dating is no different than any other means of meeting folk, except that their it is easier to mask one’s appearance before the initial meeting. After that, it’s all the same.

Now, as Simple also mentioned, there are sites targeting specific goals — want to have an affair? Try AshleyMadison.com. Just want some no-strings azz? Try AdultFriendFinder (allegedly):lol:

Celisea

February 25th, 2011
10:07 am

I have come to the conclusion that the net dating is the devil.

that’s funny

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
10:08 am

Yet another reason to not jump in the sack with a person to soon. They may live with their husband or have 5 kids

AmazonRed™

February 25th, 2011
10:08 am

Good friday morning all. No working from home for me today. Boo!

I never got the hang of online dating…to gun shy, I mainly just lurked. But the most common lie is about height/weight. Men always add on an inch or two to the height, women seem to pick the weight category they want to be, rather than what they are today. :lol: And lets not get started on the pics from 10 years ago :lol:

czBrat

February 25th, 2011
10:08 am

HiYas!

Hi Slim. Hi Reign. yous have been missed.
got no tricks for weeding out online liars cuz i really didnt bother sleuthing to bust anybody. just wanted to enjoy some chat time with new ‘faces’ when this one dude insisted we meet. :wink: the rest is history.

i will say this (kinda to PR’s 9:22 question), when i saw that s/o still had his old addy on his license and his insurance policy said “married” i IMMEDIATELY questioned WTH was up with that?
he made time to call his agent and correct the policy and get down to dmv for a new license!

Celisea

February 25th, 2011
10:10 am

Fion – @Celisea your 9:59 am Exactly.

Yep, and it’s either you’re what you say are….OR NOT. There isn’t a third leg on that wheel…no maybes, ummms, somewhats, almosts….lol

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 25th, 2011
10:10 am

“Men always add on an inch or two to the height,”

ARed — They’re just giving their height in heels… For when they cross-dress. So, it’s not a total lie… :lol:

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
10:11 am

Swiss, don’t forget plentyoffish.com

Black, those guys probably saw celibate and did not blink because most women who claim celibate are the easiest and that is what they wish to be instead of what they are. LOL

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
10:12 am

CanalZone, How have you been you brat? LOL

SlimNumeroUno

February 25th, 2011
10:12 am

Purp – Daaaaang, you’re a wild boy. It hasn’t stopped printing yet :shock:

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 25th, 2011
10:13 am

“Black, those guys probably saw celibate and did not blink because most women who claim celibate are the easiest and that is what they wish to be instead of what they are”

Purple:lol: SOOOOO true. Most times “celibate” = “h0rny as f__k” :lol:

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
10:13 am

AmazonRed, I actually would lie about my height so that I would seem shorter. Growing up I always had a complex about being tall, I did not want to be this tall.

Purple Rain "When the pimp's in the crib ma drop it like it's hot"

February 25th, 2011
10:16 am

Swiss and afterwards they think they are still celibate. LOL

Slim, I am a good time. LOL