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Is your dating GPS broken?

On the Bravo show Millionaire Matchmaker,  Patty Sanger is often referring to the ” picker.”  It’s like some sort of uncontrollable dating GPS device that steers us toward a specific type.

She thinks that the male picker is, well his picker and women tend to pick based on security and wealth .  A bit sexist I think, but I suppose women aren’t considered as visual as men are in this regard.

I can’t with say with certainty that I have a single picker. If I were to have one though, it would be my brain. I am very much into a man’s intellect and heaven help me if the man has an extensive vocabulary. Seriously.

When we talked about chasing the instant connection this week,  I started thinking of the routes and paths we take looking for it.  Are we looking for love in the right places? Is there a right place?

Even when all conditions are right, we’re around those who have common likes and interests, our dating GPS can still direct us the wrong way. I’d argue that we can sometimes even get lost – and you know how some of us are about asking for directions.

Do you think you follow your instincts? Do you trust what your gut tells you? Does it generally guide you in the right direction?

Is it better to be lead by your head or your heart? Do you ever get a sense that your dating GPS is broken or malfunctioning? If so, how can it get fixed?

P.S. Maybe your Dating GPS can steer you toward Modern Day Matchmaker’s event this Saturday. The Quarterly Atlanta brings a new twist to mixing and mingling with flow dating (equal parts networking, speed dating,  flirting marathon). It’s sophisticated singles networking socially. Get your pickers ready!

P.S.S  One Degree From Me is offering Misadventures in Atlanta lucky readers a chance to win admission.  The first 5 guys and first 5 girls to email their name, age, phone number and why they believe they are so fly and a great catch (brandon@onedegreefrom.me) gets a shot at it. Good luck!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

481 comments Add your comment

FCM

February 24th, 2011
8:22 am

I have been told repeatedly that my “Picker” is off. I swear if you put 99 wonderful men in a room–they have goals, they have instrest similar to mine, they have gainful employment, can handle a woman who speaks her mind, oh and are ok with children from a previous marriage….and 1 guy who hidden luggage….I will find the one guy.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
8:25 am

Hi WD re: “Is it better to be lead by your head or your heart? Do you ever get a sense that your dating GPS is broken or malfunctioning? If so, how can it get fixed?”

When I was in professional sales, they taught us that people BUY for EMOTIONAL REASONS, then JUSTIFY by logic. I haven’t sen a lot in my life to dispute that. Take the Hummer craze a few years back. People did not buy a decked out Hummer because it would help themn get around all of the massive snowstorms we have in ATL…they bought because they thought it made them look cool. What logic really compels one to buy a vehicle that gets 8 miles per gallon?

Timing is always an issue to. Men lead with their heads, but follow with their hearts…women lead with their hearts, and then start thinking. By the time a man is going “all in”, the woman is often already orchestrating her exit strategy.

The whole system is frankly screwed up ;-)

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
8:29 am

Sorry for the typos.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
8:32 am

Oh and my dating GPS usually tells me to take a different route…so I turn it off, shut my eyes, and jump in. Trial and error, with mostly error.

P.S.

February 24th, 2011
8:34 am

That should be P.P.S. not P.S.S.

SlimNumeroUno

February 24th, 2011
8:46 am

Good morning

DMV

February 24th, 2011
8:52 am

I think people would be deceiving themselves to say that initially, physical appearance is the drawing factor. After the initial meeting, the two begin talking and personality comes into play. Then if the coupling continues, the smaller, but more important aspects come into play. Any one of these three can be deal breakers. The GPS isn’t broke, it’s just that you didn’t pay enough attention to or give proper credance to all three. The stereotype says men will put up with a lot if she’s stunning and women will put up with a lot if he’s a good “provider”. But in the end, no matter how good looking SHE is or how great a provider (rich) HE is, the short comings will eventually supercede the positives.

DMV

February 24th, 2011
8:53 am

I meant to say “People would be deceiving themselves to say that physical appearance ISN’T the initial drawing factor.” It’s early in the morning…*yawn

Simple Man!!!!

February 24th, 2011
8:59 am

Morning Peeps!!!

Y'all Are Kids

February 24th, 2011
9:05 am

When I was younger, it was physical appearance, sexual accumen, mental stability, humor. In that order. I picked with my “picker”. Now that I’m “mature”, it’s mental stability, inteligence, humor, sexual willingness and a pulse. In that order.

Humans pick mates for all the wrong reasons when they’re young (under30), but that’s what propogates the species. If eeryone waited until they were 30 to pick a life partner, there would be like, 8 of us on the planet.

SlimNumeroUno

February 24th, 2011
9:28 am

Um, I don’t think i’ve ever necessarily CHOSEN a dude with my CT…however, I may have CHOSEN to stick around a little longer dealing with unnecessary BS because of how he made the CT feel. Just keeping it One Hunned..don’t judge me ;-)

abc

February 24th, 2011
9:44 am

What all women want the most is security. They’ll pick the secure option every time. That’s not to say that once they have the security, they won’t go find something or someone recreational for whatever else they want.

Men, on the other hand, are most likely to go after the one with the biggest teeots.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 24th, 2011
9:45 am

Don’t feel no guilt Slim, happens to the best of y’all….

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 24th, 2011
9:52 am

Morning
My GPS isn’t broke, I turned it off for a while.

I am very much into a man’s intellect and heaven help me if the man has an extensive vocabulary.
Wise Michael Eric Dyson must open floodgates for you then. lol

Simple Man!!!!

February 24th, 2011
10:01 am

“I may have CHOSEN to stick around a little longer dealing with unnecessary BS because of how he made the CT feel”

Morning Slim….You really know the way to a mnas heart!!!! :)

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 24th, 2011
10:03 am

Good day all…

I have definately been guilty of not listening to my GPS and getting all turned around..

I dont really think there is a right place really but there are definatley wrong places.

I think we should look for people that do the things we like…if you like to read, check out bookstores, book clubs, meetup groups etc. If you like business and networking, go to some different networking and business events. If you like to travel, just try some new spots that you normally dont do.

Try that!

SlimNumeroUno

February 24th, 2011
10:04 am

Dan – Yeah I know but i’m proud to say I haven’t stuck around just for the bedroom follies in a loooooong time. Could it be i’m growing up just a tad? lol

Simple – I didn’t know the CT was the Underground railroad to a man’s heart.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 24th, 2011
10:07 am

“Men, on the other hand, are most likely to go after the one with the biggest teeots.”

Speak for yourself, abc. Personally, I’m a booty man… ;-) :lol:

SlimNumeroUno

February 24th, 2011
10:10 am

‘Men, on the other hand, are most likely to go after the one with the biggest teeots’

If that was the case then No dude would ever try to talk to me unless they fell into the “Little People” category. :shock:

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 24th, 2011
10:13 am

Yeah, and I can see it too Slim…good for you!

Simple Man!!!!

February 24th, 2011
10:13 am

“Simple – I didn’t know the CT was the Underground railroad to a man’s heart.”

LOL….. and that would make you a modern day ” Harriet Tubman!!!!

SlimNumeroUno

February 24th, 2011
10:18 am

SImple – I think i’ll leave that to the Superheads & Pinky’s of the world. I just can’t deal with that type of pressure and this train is a single person occupancy ride. ;-)

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
10:18 am

Total Honesty.

I get daily contacts on line on Match and eharmony from women who probably have a good personality but…as shallow as it sounds, the thought of looking across the table at an ugly woman for the rest of my life is too scary. So instead, I chase the one that will ultimately bring me the most grief. If all were bluntly honest, I suspect most do the same.

As for women, I have been convinced for years that deep down women want three men in their lives… 1) the secure “Provider” (boring but keeps the bank account full), 2) the “Gay Friend” (not really gay, but one to confide in but keep in the dreaded “friendship zone), and 3) the Rogue (the “thuga” on the side to add excitement, even though he abuses her in many ways). these tend to be mutually exclusive, thus the quiet “desperation” that most women reach after settling.

BlackMagicWoman

February 24th, 2011
10:35 am

“By the time a man is going “all in”, the woman is often already orchestrating her exit strategy.”

Yep because we do not have time to waste while you decide if you want to be with us 100% or not. Quit sticking your feet in to test the water. Or you will find that when you ready to dive in…you will hit the bottom be cause the water (us) will have evaporated! Ever heard of that saying, “sh!t or get off the pot”? I holds true! :lol:

DMV…I co-sign your 8:52!

SWISS..get yo’ hand off my booty! :lol:

But I do think my GPS needed an update because I was putting in one destination and ended up on the other side of town. Not cool. It sucks being lost in the game of love. What I have learned is not to date when you are under extreme stress. It will make you choose badly out of fear or just needing someone around. You will make bad decisions. Then when the smoke clears…you realize that had you been in your right mind you would have seen that that person was not even close to what you would want. But they were there and the had a pulse! You will end up regretting it. Also I don’t believe the, “get over one man/woman by hooking up with another” theory. It’s kind of pathetic. It’s saying that you have no will power of capability of moving on with life with someone…anyone to fill the place of the last person. That fear of being alone sucks. Unless you were a multiple…you were born alone. And even if you are a multiple…you will die alone. So co-dependencey is not cool or cute. It’s desperate!

AmazonRed™ - Show time...

February 24th, 2011
10:38 am

Morning all -

Well, I guess since I’m single, I should automatically assume my dating GPS is broken. But I think it’s very good at weeding out the undesirables. In fact, I can’t even say I even meet real jerks anymore. But I do know what my standards and expectations are, and I am okay with letting guys go who can not meet them. And I think that’s where many women get caught up. They want companionship, their tired of going at it alone, so they push through with guys they know aren’t the most compatible with them.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 24th, 2011
10:44 am

@BMW

Co-dependency and wanting someone to share your life with are two polar ends of the same spectrum.

You can want someone to share your life with without being/feeling/seeming desperate about it. And you can be desperate in wanting “anyone” without wanting someone to share your life with.

Those are two distinct thought processes

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 24th, 2011
10:47 am

“SWISS..get yo’ hand off my booty!”

BMW — That’s not my hand, baby… :lol:

AmazonRed™ - Show time...

February 24th, 2011
10:50 am

“By the time a man is going “all in”, the woman is often already orchestrating her exit strategy.”

Yep because we do not have time to waste while you decide if you want to be with us 100% or not

BMW – Agreed. There are times when I left and wonder what would have happened if I had just been more patient. But I probably would have continued to just be strung along. Guess I’ll never know…but I do know that it shouldn’t take a year plus to know how you feel about someone and know if your future plans include them…

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
10:52 am

@ BMW and Ared …uhhhh, yeah, I guess.

Leggs

February 24th, 2011
10:54 am

Good day.

Are we looking for love in the right places? Is there a right place? Love can be found in any place so there is no such thing as a “wrong place”. However, is my GPS broken…YEP!

AmazonRed™ - Show time...

February 24th, 2011
10:56 am

RandyT – Is there more you’d like to share with the class?

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
10:57 am

Speaking of shady ladies (well not exactly, but) AJC shows that pregnant Real Housewife (Zolniak?), talking about how she and the baby daddy from Falcons have finally moved in together. To paraphrase an old axiom…”the sting of shyyytty personality lingers long after the joy of big tatas has worn off”. I’d bet a ton of money he’s gonna wish he hadn’t gone bareback.

David

February 24th, 2011
10:58 am

Many times, the GPS was dead on correct at one time, but the “target” changed their longitude/lattitude numbers and the GPS was screaming “Hell NO!” after the deed was done. Most of the time, it’s not that the GPS was wrong, it’s that the GPS was RIGHT in 2007, but WRONG in 2011 because the “address (personality)” had changed. People change and it’s not always for the better.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
11:01 am

Hey Ared, not lecturing, but have times literally and figuratively where my GPS had me going down the wrong way on a one way street. ;-)

AmazonRed™ - Show time...

February 24th, 2011
11:04 am

I’d bet a ton of money he’s gonna wish he hadn’t gone bareback.

No more feeling sorry for these dummies. He can afford condoms.

AmazonRed™ - Show time...

February 24th, 2011
11:06 am

Hey Ared, not lecturing, but have times literally and figuratively where my GPS had me going down the wrong way on a one way street.

Well, GPS errors notwithsanding, they can’t be responsible for your lack of attention to signs and common sense. :lol:

Purple Rain

February 24th, 2011
11:16 am

GPS are known to be wrong quite often, before we had them we still got to where we were going and even enjoyed the view. I follow my instincts because I trust them and I like to map out where I am going before I start “driving”. LOL

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
11:18 am

“No more feeling sorry for these dummies. He can afford condoms”.

Sympathy is not my strongest suit anyway, dude did it to himself (as well as her).

AmazonRed™ - Show time...

February 24th, 2011
11:19 am

She’s getting fried on the blog that carries the story… damn.

Purple Rain

February 24th, 2011
11:24 am

Basically rely on common sense more than a GPS.

Leggs

February 24th, 2011
11:29 am

I’ve taken time to recalibrate my system. Things are now looking good, and I’m back on the right road! Honk, honk, get out of my way!

kimmie

February 24th, 2011
11:30 am

Morning gang!

As for my GPS, I guess I’ve always met nice enough guys in the past, basically decent. The timing has been off with most, and a few personality conflicts. But being that I’m engaged to a wonderful guy, I guess I finally got it right. The timing was perfect because I met him at a point where he was ready to make time for a relationship. Our personalities mesh nicely, we have very similiar values and we are both ready to commit.

As far as looking for love in the wrong places, while it’s true love can be found in many places, there are some places naturally more condusive than others. And if you keep meeting up with the same type and it’s not what you want, maybe some changes are in order.

Willie Dynamite

February 24th, 2011
11:31 am

Morning All,

GPS what the heyal? I can only speak for myself but I always thought of the journey instead of the destination. All i can say is it has worked for me. I think we put unrealistic expectations on ourselves when we select the end point first. We tend to put blinders on the possibilities of potential great things off the beaten path. Are we so careful that if something doesn’t fit snugly in our GPS Route summary that we discard it? Isn’t that what Dating is all about? The journey, finding and vibing with yourself and potentially getting that special someone to ride with you

For me the GPS never got purchased. I just got in and started driving. Along the way I had a few chicks to ride with me. Some took the scenic route and some didn’t make it out the parking lot. Sometimes the ride got bumpy and even experienced a few blowouts (pun intended). Nevertheless I kept riding until that one Chick didnt get put out. Thats my story and I’m sticking with it.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 24th, 2011
11:32 am

Speaking of wrong way roads, found myself all night last night dreaming about an ex-flame (my “transition” lover). Not good. Finished that chapter and have no intentions of reading a sequel. I got out of bed an hour early so I wouldn’t fall back asleep and start dreaming again. Memories are mostly good, but don’t need that in my life. Nope.

kimmie

February 24th, 2011
11:34 am

Amred – I with you, I’m so thru making excuses & feeling sorry for grown folks’ stupid decisions. We live in a time where all kinds of birth control & disease prevention are available like no time in history. And the main ones acting a fool are good and grown – not talking 14 year olds here. Nope, zero sympathy.

Purple Rain

February 24th, 2011
11:34 am

Move bish get out the way, get out the way… bish get out the way…move

kimmie

February 24th, 2011
11:35 am

Purple – Lead, follow or get out of the way!

Leggs

February 24th, 2011
11:37 am

That was well said, WillieD!

cba

February 24th, 2011
11:38 am

Randyt I just read that story. My take: 25yrs old, NFL player, from Montana, now in the ATL = getting Kim the gold digger pregnant.

kimmie

February 24th, 2011
11:39 am

Yeah Willie, great post!