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Chasing the instant connection

Have you ever met someone and felt an instant connection with them? It feels like it’s deeper than mere physical attraction and yet it’s not “love at first sight” either.  It’s kind of like you connect somewhere in the middle.  It’s a pretty amazing feeling and it always seems to happen when you least expect it. Not sure, why that is, but this has been my experience.

The thing is, once you’ve had that really great, totally bananas connection with one person, you can feel as if you embark on this pursuit of the same instant connection with other people.  I think it’s probably the reason why there are so many missed connections because we keep comparing everyone to that one great connection.

Do you think it is a good idea to keep chasing that instant connection?  I’ve only felt it twice but I wonder if I will feel it again.

What do you think it means when you don’t feel instantly drawn to a person but over time it gets stronger? Isn’t that the way most relationships actually begin?  Do you believe that the instant connection means you have a better chance of getting to a relationship?

When was the last time you met someone and felt an instant connection with them? What do you think it was about them that made your introduction stand out?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

282 comments Add your comment

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
2:30 pm

It is a drastic change Leggs, it went from one extreme to another. I am not saying I don’t understand it because I do and respect it. It’s just a drastic change from the normal activities and exploits.

SexyCool

February 22nd, 2011
2:31 pm

“Where they do that at?” echoing Rock.

sreanslut

February 22nd, 2011
2:31 pm

Hi everybody. Just pulled into a Taco Mac and using their WiFi to do some orders and paperwork. Thought I’d check in and see if I missed anything.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
2:31 pm

Exactly, Raqi V. An I.O.U. trumps a “good grief” any day, err day!

dreamslut

February 22nd, 2011
2:31 pm

oops…can’t type and eat at the same time

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:34 pm

I am seriously laughing out loud at these men implying that when a woman is single she never does not want to have sex or find herself in a situation where she cannot have sex. Seriously what island are these woman on. I was single for long time so I know single women.

That is unless you men aren’t sexing the same woman consecutively. If you juggling women like the cash three machine then yeah I guess you can get it whenever you want. But that’s a life everyone chooses to live.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
2:35 pm

Is sreanslut and dreamslut the same person just with bad typing?

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
2:35 pm

Nevermind…

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:36 pm

But that’s a life NOT everyone chooses to live.

DMV

February 22nd, 2011
2:36 pm

It’s not like they were ready 100% of the time, but all it took was a little kissy kissy, some rubbing and the show started. Most importantly, it was like she wanted and enjoyed it as much as I did. It was the passion, the desire, all of that. When my bride and I dated, we did it in a movie theater once, once in the closet of her work, really miost anywhere we could think of. My office desk or just in my office was about her fav. Now it’s only in the bed and probably no longer than 8-10 minutes. Before we would spend an entire afternoon in bed….

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
2:36 pm

It went from me seeing her in her short shorts and being able to slap the hiney and it was on wherever in the house we were. LOL, now I still get to slap the hiney and she likes it but then I hear “not now tesoro mio” LOL I tell her that it’s not fair for her to be that beautiful and I can’t enjoy it when I want to.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 22nd, 2011
2:37 pm

If they ever determine that broccoli is a libido enhancer then I am hosed because I am not eating broccoli…not going to happen.

dreamslut

February 22nd, 2011
2:38 pm

Sorry Leggs. Typed and didn’t pay attention

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
2:38 pm

DMV, you have to give her more than 8 to 10 minutes. There are some exercises you can do to nor get to your point so fast.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
2:39 pm

@Raqi V ~ are you laughing over there like I am???

SexyCool

February 22nd, 2011
2:39 pm

Yeah, but DMV, I am sure you were romancing her a helluva lot more then than you are now.

It’s funny how that flirting, romancing, special attention thing pays off.

Just like women are accused of cutting off the sex, men sometimes cut off the affection.

Why does the other grass *seem* greener? Because you stopped watering the yard on your side of the fence.

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:40 pm

SexyCool, I guess there is a species of women out there that we are not aware of. LOL

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
2:41 pm

That is laughing at DMV and PR. PR, you enjoyed it so much when YOU wanted to she is now giving you a gift of thank you (LOL)!

@RandyT ~ I love broccoli!!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 22nd, 2011
2:44 pm

Regarding the sex deive of single women vs.. married women…hmmmm. I’ve met a lot of divorcees that were like “Cougar Town”, but often it is a lot about validation I suspect as much as sex drive. They reach a point where they want to know if they are attractive anymore since they have been kicked to the curb, or been beaten down while extracating themselves from a bad marriage. “Ashleymadison.com” if they don’t want to wait for validation.

Am I have been very happy being the “vali-dater” ;-) (Now I have to worry about mouth and throat cancer…geez.

Re married woman, I think married PEOPLE have a bad habit of thinking they no longer have anything to prove, or maybe don’t have to try. WRONG…should never stop trying to make it great, never, never, never.

Simple Man!!!!

February 22nd, 2011
2:44 pm

Married people have too many sex rules….

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 22nd, 2011
2:44 pm

At least making a promise for a later or different time or date says you so at least have the desire to relate with your mate.
Raqi It depends on your track record of making good on your IOU’s. If you never make good, then at some point the IOU’s become junk bonds. lol

so when you are dating or in a relationship with a woman she is always willing and able to go? Where they do that at?
Raqi A married person has to (if they’re a good spouse) accept the IOU, whether it’s honored or not. A single person doesn’t have to rely on IOU’s. If I’m with a woman whose drive is not compatible with mine, then I can choose to date someone else.

DMV

February 22nd, 2011
2:45 pm

No Purple….that’s the time she gives ME. Includes kissing and disrobing….no joke. I would love some cuddling and schmoozing leading up to it.

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:46 pm

DMV, either you were not spending much time with her doing other things outside of having sex or it’s all in your mind.

When you are seeing and getting together with someone a couple of times a week in your mind you are having a lot of sex because you are doing it every time you are together. But when you start to spend every single day together it may seem to you that the relating dropped off because you are not doing it every time you see each other. And the life brings interrupts and there is more to life and relationships than sex.

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:46 pm

Leggs, yes just as hard.

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:48 pm

Just like women are accused of cutting off the sex, men sometimes cut off the affection

Exactly. You have to keep feeding the meter.

cba

February 22nd, 2011
2:49 pm

OK Leggs, I get your reference to Victoria Beckman; had to google her. Familiar with spice girls, but not their individual names.
Oh, I read your post early this morning about “IS”. Long after blogging is obsolete, I will always think of you whenever I see the verb “IS” :-) That brotha just doesn’t know the everlasting impression he left on you, is.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 22nd, 2011
2:49 pm

Exactly, Raqi V. An I.O.U. trumps a “good grief” any day, err day!
Leggs This is a distinction a single person never has to make. lol

Simple Man!!!!

February 22nd, 2011
2:51 pm

“A married person has to (if they’re a good spouse) accept the IOU, whether it’s honored or not. A single person doesn’t have to rely on IOU’s. If I’m with a woman whose drive is not compatible with mine, then I can choose to date someone else.”

Yup…or you can just catch up with that freaky girl you can always count on when you want / need her…

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
2:52 pm

Leggs, you have me mistaken. I said that her drive was always more than mine so if anything I was doing it when SHE wanted to and for her of course I enjoyed it but she was the one who wanted it morning noon and night everyday and now to 2 times a week. That’s why I said it was a drastic change. LOL

DMV

February 22nd, 2011
2:52 pm

Never met a woman that totally discounts any extended foreplay. Just get busy and get done…..before 9:00.

SexyCool

February 22nd, 2011
2:52 pm

Plus…when you’re just dating, you can let the laundry go a day or so while you lie around in bed relating or put off running the errands on a Saturday morning, but when you are living in the same household, when do you expect that to get done?

Because if I’m laying in bed with you all day, the meals are not going to cook themselves, the toilet is not going to magically clean itself, the dusting does not get blown away by Richter scale oh’s, the groceries don’t buy themself, the laundry doesn’t fold itself.

Please believe that I cannot sex you enough to make those things not matter. Because before you know it, you will be calling me the junkiest, messiest, nastiest chick in creation.

But…at least you sack will be empty.

Um..yeah…okay…side eye on that.

SexyCool

February 22nd, 2011
2:53 pm

DMV – you should buy a DVR.

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:54 pm

A single person doesn’t have to rely on IOU’s

DreamsMat, truthfully, honestly neither does a married person but that a book of a different publisher.

Single people, which I once was, that choose to be in a relationship are very much willing to accept an IOU. That’s what relationships are all about. But I do understand that you don’t care for being in a relationship so nothing I say will matter to you.

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
2:54 pm

LOL, I must have married an odd ball. She is not with all of the foreplay all of the time, maybe every now and then. But when it’s time to get to business it is just that. I used to feel like a piece of meat, and I liked it. But now that we have a bambino on the way it’s all hugs and cuddling and everything is we did not used to do to much of. LOL

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
2:56 pm

Can honestly say never had to do the I.O.U. thing yet willingly. I just read the vibe and a good predator knows when it is time to pounce. LOL

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 22nd, 2011
2:58 pm

DMV, either you were not spending much time with her doing other things outside of having sex or it’s all in your mind.
DMV Understand that, no matter what you do, it will always be your fault that your wife isn’t giving you any. The other day ME was on here saying that he romanced his wife, told her how beautiful she was on a regular basis, took her out, did laundry and chores, paid the bills on time, painted the house, worked out, pulled the sun closer when she was cold, convinced God to guarantee her spot in Heaven, and it was STILL all his fault. There HAD to be SOMETHING he wasn’t doing or doing right.

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:58 pm

LOL SexyCool, I mean really, who are these women they are in relationships with.

My man and I seeing each other a few times a week does not match up to living in the same household. Life happens.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
2:59 pm

Thanks for the continued laugh, cba!! Is or isn’t IS!

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
2:59 pm

The other day ME was on here saying

Then he came back a day or two later with a whole different story on how their relationship had been.

DMV

February 22nd, 2011
3:00 pm

I agree with DreamsMaterialize….too, too many rules…..just too many hoops, conditions and rules for what we used to do just because the wind changed direction….lol

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
3:01 pm

Dreams, Me was too nice, Hey..was ME the guy kissing the girl in the club? LOL

It wasn’t ME. LOL

Melania

February 22nd, 2011
3:01 pm

@PR wait until the bambino comes…you will get IOU’s :)

Raqi V

February 22nd, 2011
3:02 pm

just because the wind changed direction

Which is what? Expecting the cow to live on just air after you bought?

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 22nd, 2011
3:03 pm

Heard in a column long before I got married that “there are no fridgid women, only clumsy men”. Like I said, that was before I got married.

The bigger problem is the resentment that builds in both parties. The man for “leaving the table still hungry all the time” and the woman for “not feeling romanced”. Once the resentment starts buildiing, pride, stubborness, and a measure of fear of rejection sets in.

cba

February 22nd, 2011
3:05 pm

One of my female friend told me that her husband didn’t want to have sex with her during her pregnancy. She became so frustrated that she locked the bedroom door and put a chair behind the door. She told him that he was not getting out until she got what she wanted. When she told me the story, I could still see the anger in her eyes.
As for me, once the dr said it was okay, it was great, quite moist and no worry about unexpected pregnancy.

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
3:05 pm

Melania, small price to pay. I can’t wait!

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
3:06 pm

cba, being pregnant only limits the positions and roughness. LOL

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 22nd, 2011
3:09 pm

truthfully, honestly neither does a married person but that a book of a different publisher.
Raqi I know that. That’s why in the first part of that quote I used parentheses to emphasize that a “good spouse” will accept the IOU. A bad spouse…well all bets are off.

so nothing I say will matter to you.
Raqi And this is just noooooot true. I’m a little bit hurt. :-( lol I value your opinions, this one included. It may not be applicable to me at this point in my life, but I don’t value it any less. Ok listen…when I meet the chick who blows my mind and I accept the first IOU of our relationship, I’ll give you a big blog shout out. ;-)

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
3:10 pm

@Raqi V ~ a day or two later he came on saying he asked for a separation and moved out.

Celisea

February 22nd, 2011
3:10 pm

cba, being pregnant only limits the positions and roughness.

Yep because we didn’t skip a beat when I was preggers. We got permission from the doctor after I was so far along but he was like, have at it. So, we did it and did it…PR is right, we had to consider not so rough and me being the person to position since I knew how much I could take. Couldn’t leave that in his hands, mighta had me going into labor early. LOL Really, you can continue to enjoy one another right until the baby comes unless for medical reasons you’ve been placed on restriction.