accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Chasing the instant connection

Have you ever met someone and felt an instant connection with them? It feels like it’s deeper than mere physical attraction and yet it’s not “love at first sight” either.  It’s kind of like you connect somewhere in the middle.  It’s a pretty amazing feeling and it always seems to happen when you least expect it. Not sure, why that is, but this has been my experience.

The thing is, once you’ve had that really great, totally bananas connection with one person, you can feel as if you embark on this pursuit of the same instant connection with other people.  I think it’s probably the reason why there are so many missed connections because we keep comparing everyone to that one great connection.

Do you think it is a good idea to keep chasing that instant connection?  I’ve only felt it twice but I wonder if I will feel it again.

What do you think it means when you don’t feel instantly drawn to a person but over time it gets stronger? Isn’t that the way most relationships actually begin?  Do you believe that the instant connection means you have a better chance of getting to a relationship?

When was the last time you met someone and felt an instant connection with them? What do you think it was about them that made your introduction stand out?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

282 comments Add your comment

winkasdad29

February 22nd, 2011
8:32 am

Nah, don’t chase it. Each person and situation is different. Take your time, get to know someone first. The instant connection is a thing that just happens – you can’t make it happen. It’s kind of like your first serious love that lasted a long time – you may never feel that again – as much as you may want to.

Y'all Are Kids

February 22nd, 2011
8:44 am

If you keep chasing one particular feeling, you’re going to miss a lot. Everyone is different and every feeling is different. Variety is the spice of life. That instant connection is mostly just physical anyway.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
8:58 am

Good morning!

SlimSquareOne

February 22nd, 2011
8:58 am

A quick fast connection doesn’t equate to everlasting romance just as a slow simmering one does. Each situation(courtship) will generate, develop, crash and sink in their own unique ways.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
9:00 am

I kinda sorta had an instant connection with someone I thought I could have fun with and get to know better. However, when we met that second time, I soon realized he through the word “is” all over the place. That immediately killed any desire to go any further.

AmazonRed™ - back from vacay!

February 22nd, 2011
9:04 am

Morning all!

Let’s see…instant connection… not really. I remember setting my sights on a guy, and making sure we actually connected, but that was more of a constant decision rather than just getting struck by a person. I may expect the guy to make the first move, but I will set it in motion that he notices me and subsequently comes to me. :lol:

I think I’m not moved by “instant connections” because I know so much more is required than chemistry. I find I’m more drawn to people the more I get to know them!

Biff

February 22nd, 2011
9:07 am

You have to close the deal! I just had this happen with a hot 5′2″ natural THIN blonde with a good rack. It lasts a few weeks and then you move on to the next chick but you have to take care of business!

Its a shame so many chicks in the ATL are so fat. They are missing out on good times!

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
9:08 am

Instant connection I don’t believe in it, probably because I do not open up very quickly. But once you set a high standard whether it be from an experience or a personal desire you only have yourself to blame if you lower it or allow someone who does not meet your expectations to cloud your vision. Patience is a virtue.

AmazonRed™ - back from vacay!

February 22nd, 2011
9:16 am

All that being said above, I’d still think it would be nice to be struck by “the thunderbolt.” Fans of the Godfather know what I’m talking about.

Celisea

February 22nd, 2011
9:27 am

Morning,

Hmmmm, instant connection? Chasing the instant connection. Not into instant…you know if I’m not digging instant grits, coffee and stuff of that sort I’m definitely not doing instant love. Can’t say I’ve experienced instant but I have vibed and had mad chemistry coming out of the gate. Even with that I didn’t react to that as I feel “instant” tend to not yield not much of an outcome. I allowed it to play out and unfold.

Celisea

February 22nd, 2011
9:29 am

Right now, I’m so loving “whatsoever a man soweth, that will he also reap”….can’t do folks wrong and expect for a good outcome. Ahhhh, as my coworker says “ain’t God gooood?”

Oops, pardon me :)

Superman

February 22nd, 2011
9:41 am

I feel like getting into some trouble today… :)

kimmie

February 22nd, 2011
9:42 am

Morning Gang!

The instant connection/chemistry is wonderful when it happens, but it would be silly to expect that every time you meet someone. On the other hand, while the connection doesn’t have to be instant for me, it does need to be present rather quickly for me to continue with a person. I don’t believe in dating someone for months and Sundays, “waiting” for that chemistry to kick in. It’s been my experience that either we have it or we don’t. I don’t care how nice he is either, or how nice he thinks I am. If we’re both not feeling it – keep it moving.

Leggs

February 22nd, 2011
9:43 am

@Superman ~ you missed Lois Lane yesterday (a/k/a dreamslut). Perhaps she’ll come back today and you two can partay!

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
9:44 am

What did I miss yesterday?

SlimSquareOne

February 22nd, 2011
9:46 am

‘I feel like getting into some trouble today…’

Superman – That’s exactly what my ex from college said to me one time we were on the phone just catching up, YEARS after we dated. He was married at the time and sort of tried me…he was like, “Hey…you feel like getting into some trouble?” I told him he needed to go get into some trouble with his wife

Celisea

February 22nd, 2011
9:47 am

PR – Nothing much….just some chick coming on here saying most women on here are boring cause we don’t live slanging cleaving to get dudes to buy us drinks. Of course a couple thought it was cute though. That wasn’t surprising :)

TenderRoni

February 22nd, 2011
9:51 am

Gm,
Instant connections I find its usually one aspect about that person I really, really like. But the more I get to know them, that instant feeling I once had fades. I don’t chase a feeling.

And its not always about the physical. Years ago in my undergrad I took a psychology class and me and this dude would debate about different topics, we had instant intellectual connection. After that class we continued to talk, but it wasn’t the same. we decided to just be friends.

CalTransplant

February 22nd, 2011
9:52 am

The instant connection thing is odd….I really never believed in it….then it happened to me when I was 41 …..we met each other & my reaction was “oh, there you are.” And, if anything, his reaction was even stronger. Very very odd. The bad part is that I was (am) married….so nothing came of it (and he, thankfully, lived in another part of the country) but I can guarantee you that neither of us has ever forgotten it…..

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 22nd, 2011
9:52 am

Personally I’ve found what I thought was and instant connection only to get kicked to the curb before the second outing. Reading the tea leaves can be a bit misleading sometimes ;-)
…or as the wise old Indian said, “sometimes the magic works, sometimes it doesn’t”.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 22nd, 2011
9:53 am

an not and, sorry

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 22nd, 2011
9:55 am

When that “boom” drops, it really feels like how doing illicit drugs feel (as explained to me by people that do them).

The first hit is magical, it takes you to places you never knew existed. Like how seeing her, smelling her, feeling her just felt different from any other woman.

And you chase that feeling. You want it again and again, but it’ll never be like that first time. You begin to see the effects of chasing [her/him] – lost weight, lack of focus, the loss of reality (you don’t see his/her red flags)- but you can’t shake it. By now, you need that feeling.

And like with any other brain altering chemical, once the effect of oxytocin (the neurochemical produced during romance/sex) wears off; you’re left with the object of your desire, the habit formed based on [her/him], and the reality of [who] you truly posses.

It’s in this time that the habit is excised or explored deeper.

BlackMagicWoman

February 22nd, 2011
9:57 am

Ah yes….the tingles, aka the tickles. I have met guys that give me the instant tingles. I knew I was physically attracted to them. So then it all boiled down to the intelligence and personality to determine whether he was a yay or a nay! But I love when I get the tingles. It makes me more interested in hanging out with him more often. If I get no tingles then it’s kind of like…”see ya when I see ya”! I know…I could miss out on a good guy by only really trying to know the guys who tickle my fancies. But it makes the difference in, going to dinner and then parting ways. Or going to dinner but not wanting to leave him yet so we take a walk or go have drinks or go get ice cream if the weather is nice. I’ve tried dating out of my comfort zone. But the girl wants what the girl wants damnit and I can’t fight it! :lol:

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 22nd, 2011
9:57 am

On the flip side, getting dragged to the BR on the first date is, while flattering, a bit confusing too.

SexyCool

February 22nd, 2011
9:58 am

Chasing an instant connection is like chasing a bigger and bigger high. Nearly pointless. Almost always setting yourself up for a disappointment and…in the long run, will have you running around doing senseless stuff and looking crackish and desperate.’

Now…allowing a connection to happen. Well, that is an animal of a different color and is a wonderful thing when the stars line up just right or…you happen to be sitting at the same bar on a late summer afternoon. (lol)

kimmie

February 22nd, 2011
9:59 am

BMW – Girl, I feel ya on the “girl wants what she wants”! I get/got tired of hearing about what I MIGHT be missing out on! Guess what – I can’t miss what I never had!

dreamslut

February 22nd, 2011
10:01 am

Instant connections are more about fun and not exactly what you want long term, but you never know. I meat lots of peoplr and some you just vibe with and others you don’t. You stay friendly, though, because you never know if it might develop into something. I agree that “Instant Connections” are more physical and “intimate” chemistry right off the bat. I don’t put each kind of “attraction” into a jar and label it. I just got with the flow, enjoy the moment and when/if it passes, I move on. Men that feel the “instant attraction” are just looking at our faces, rack, bum or legs. You can get to know us better and then the personality comes into play. I guess it depends on how INSTANT the connection is….ha ha

kimmie

February 22nd, 2011
10:01 am

you happen to be sitting at the same bar on a late summer afternoon.

SCool – Hey, how ya doin? Baby whatcha gettin into?…… :lol:

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
10:02 am

Celisea, so I did not miss anything.

I like the “aha!” moment after you have really gotten to know each other. LOL

Superman

February 22nd, 2011
10:02 am

Hey dreamslut!

Celisea

February 22nd, 2011
10:04 am

PR – Naaah.

Me too, on the aha moment.

dreamslut

February 22nd, 2011
10:07 am

Some of the posters here are being WAY too analytical and too serious. My god, it’s not like we are discussing the Theory of Relativity or Physics. It’s simple meeting, getting to know someone and seeing what they have. It’s called socializing and some of you should try it sometime. Every meeting isn’t a matter of life or death…Live, enjoy, smile, experience, laugh…

dreamslut

February 22nd, 2011
10:08 am

Hi Super Duper Man!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 22nd, 2011
10:09 am

Totally off topic, but did y’all catcht he news item about how males are something like eight times more likely to develop mouth and throat cancer by having had performed oral $ex on six or more partners than by chewing tobacco?

I am going to have to think about that one awhile.

SexyCool

February 22nd, 2011
10:12 am

Advice from a slut….mmmmkay….

Celisea

February 22nd, 2011
10:19 am

Those folks taken hostage by Somali pirates are dead….gheesh, what is this world coming to?

BlackMagicWoman

February 22nd, 2011
10:19 am

KIMMIE…girl…you are so right! :lol:

SCOOL…. :shock: girl I almost spat out my hot coco reading that one! :lol:

RANDY..I am really picky about kissing. I don’t know where dude’s mouth has been. I do not want any of the Herpes simplexes! :lol: But that is crazy about the cancer though. Maybe the girls they went down on smoked and that increased thier odds! :lol: Pay me no mind…I am freezing, sleepy and goofy this morning! Damn you NYC weather..almost 70 on Friday and snow yesterday and brick cold today!

Me

February 22nd, 2011
10:25 am

SexyCool

February 22nd, 2011
10:27 am

Okay, dreamchik, really. We get it. Your life is mad fun. You get free drinks into the night just by showing a little skin. Party, party, party. Let’s all get wasted.

Um…yeah…okay.

All that is all fine and good and cute and has it’s place. But there is more to life than just winging it. And most of us longtimers on this board have realized that there has to be a balance. Some level headed thinking and looking ahead with some good old fashioned “Big Fun.”

But do you, love. It’s all good, really.

SexyCool

February 22nd, 2011
10:29 am

Cel – that’s messed up about those missionaries. Wow. So unfortunate that they took this particular gamble and lost. My heart goes out to their loved ones.

Y'all Are Kids

February 22nd, 2011
10:29 am

Randy – Male or female partners? Cause if it’s male partners, I’m cool.

Simple Man!!!!

February 22nd, 2011
10:30 am

Morning peeps…..

On topic….about 9 years ago, I was in Key largo with some buddies…One of the guys saw a young lady taking pictures as part of a wedding party…He gave me a pat onthe back and said, ” I think I just saw the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with”… He walked over and introduced himself…4 months later they were married…I am having dinner with them tonight, And there is a magic in their bond that I would not have believed had I not benn there from the begining… In short I don’t think that will happen for me, but I know that it can, and I know that it does….

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
10:32 am

Although I mourn for the dead Americans. Why in the world would you go sailing in that part of the world or hiking in Iran for that matter. Those are known bad areas. That’s like taking a vacation in Egypt or Libya right now.

AmazonRed™ - back from vacay!

February 22nd, 2011
10:33 am

One of the guys saw a young lady taking pictures as part of a wedding party…He gave me a pat onthe back and said, ” I think I just saw the woman I am going to spend the rest of my life with”… He walked over and introduced himself…4 months later they were married…

Now that’s the thunderbolt!

Y'all Are Kids

February 22nd, 2011
10:34 am

PR – Same reason some people ride motorcycles and others roll Suburbans. People in Suburbans are 9ussies.

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
10:36 am

Seriously those pirates are taking barges and huge ships, why go through there in a sail boat?

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 22nd, 2011
10:37 am

Morning
I don’t chase instant chemistry. I just like to have a nice time with someone who also enjoys hanging out with me. Sure, it’s always nice to vibe with someone right off the bat, but some people are slower to open up than others. You have to wait for the flower to bloom to appreciate its real beauty.

dreamslut

February 22nd, 2011
10:40 am

I really don’t like being around people that seem so guarded, closed off and introverted. It’s like “What are you hiding or scared of?” Some people are just naturally suspicious of other people. I always assume the best of people until proven otherwise. I guess I just like people and enjoy meeting them and that’s why I’m good in sales and marketing.

Simple Man!!!!

February 22nd, 2011
10:41 am

Morning Ared…

“Now that’s the thunderbolt!”
LOL..Its was like in that moment, he changed!! We were friends since college, and I never saw him serious before that day..In that moment, He became the most committed, devoted guy in the world.

Purple Rain

February 22nd, 2011
10:43 am

Yall. Sailing through that area you are more likely to get pirated than you are to get hit riding a motorcycle. I don’t get the Suburban reference?

dreamslut, can you explain your name. I would hate so make any assumptions.