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Dating: Is jealousy ever ok?

I sometimes like to ask men if they are the jealous type.  It’s just a random question I toss out during the getting to know you stage in dating. Of course, no man ever admits to being jealous.  Truthfully, only time and certain circumstances will reveal how they actually handle being jealous.  It’s a human emotion that we have all experienced at one time or another.

I’ve certainly given my date a raised eyebrow/dirty look when he didn’t correct an aggressive female shamelessly flirting in front of me.  He was clearly amused by the attention. It wasn’t until the shoe was on the other foot did he realize that being with a babe magnet has its moments.

Some people can tolerate more than others but the key is how you handle jealousy: Throw pouting fits in a juvenile way? Turn into a ragey, possessive nutbag that is a total nightmare to be around? I’ve actually seen varying responses and the one thing I realized is that the way you handle it separates the mature from the immature.

Listen, not one of us wants to be with someone that nobody else finds desirable.  We all want to be proud of who we are rocking on our arm, right? It’s perfectly normal that someone else will see what you in your date.   So what do you do when someone you are seeing attracts a lot of attention in public?

How do you handle it when the person you are dating has a slew of admirers that love to make their presence known? What happens when former flings, exes that won’t go away, not-so secret admirers of your date are constantly popping up, what do you do?

Is it ever ok to be a little jealous of the attention they receive?

Happy Friday! What are you planning for this beautiful weekend weather in Atlanta?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

249 comments Add your comment

sane jane

February 18th, 2011
6:45 am

The key is agreeing on mutual boundaries. When a hot young stud expressed interest in my gf (and didn’t know she was taken) and asked a mutual friend to “put in a good word for him”, I took it as the compliment it was.

But when another coworker, a married father of three, gave my gf a pet name (”swaggalicious”, blech) to call around the office, I shut that down in a hurry.

Boundaries…

sane jane

February 18th, 2011
6:46 am

But my girlfriend is hot, digs me fully, and handles pretty much all the attention she gets (wanted or unwanted) with grace & class. I heart that chick.

Y'all Are Kids

February 18th, 2011
7:23 am

Everyone gets jealous to an extent. What’s most important to me is how she handles it. If she flirts back and encourages the advances, she’s headed out the door. I don’t like when women are jealous over me, so I demand the same respect. But a little jealousy in a chick is kinda cute.

nels

February 18th, 2011
8:12 am

There is no quesion in my mind that the jealous man or woman has very serious questions about their own masculinity or feminity, and that the one doing the flirting has to be reassured that they are attractive. Nothing will strangle a relationship quicker than jealousy. Finally, I know the answer.

Relationships are built on trust. Now, at the other end of the spectrum is the one that encourages the other to go out and have a little fun, this one wants the other to come back and tell him[it is usually a him] that he is the best or better than all the rest when it comes to romance and sex. Which reminds me, my PT is coming today.

Me

February 18th, 2011
8:26 am

Jealousy can be very damaging in a relationship, but it can also be a compliment. If someone isn’t jealous of all of you, then it’s a good bet that he’she doesn’t care what you do or where you go. Don’t give me this “Well, he/she trusts me completely” Too much of that and you begin to feel closed in and walking on eggshells. It’s a fine line and only each couple can decide on what those boundries are. What’s one person’s fodder is another person’s poison. Just like sexual appetite, what’s normal for some is actually too boring or too wild for the other. Like everything else, nothing in moderation is bad for you. Many times if a person is insanely jealous all the time, that’s telling you that someone has a guilty conscience.

SlimNumeroUno

February 18th, 2011
8:57 am

Morning,

I think what is important is how the other person receiving the attention handles the situation. It’s a bit flattering to see that other folks admire or find your SO attractive, because that was you at some point. But as long as they aren’t out SEEKING that attention & entertaining it, then we are cool. Everyone has a little jealousy in them because, contrary to what folks may say, we all are a little selfish when it comes to what we consider ‘ours’.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 18th, 2011
9:17 am

I’m not jealous, never have been.

I’m with you Slim on what’s “mine”, but I was also taught that what’s mine is mine and no one can take that from me. So there’s no real reason, IMO, to be jealous.

It’s in part why I try to date accountable women. A woman that can admit her mistakes, faults, and foibles (as well as enumerate mine) is less inclined to be “taken”. If she does cheat, it’s a conscious decision.

As for her being jealous, while I do look.like.I.do, I’m not one to cheat; and if I do decide to go that route, she’ll know in advance. So worrying about the “yet to come” only serves to frustrate her.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
9:38 am

Good morning. My ex has told me that I handle compliments given to me by others very graciously. And, he told me he liked that others found me pleasing to their eye. Jealousy is counterproductive. Someone will always be pleasing to another. K.I.M and remain mature about it.

@Dan ~ “if I do decide to go that route, she’ll know in advance.” Meaning, that’s the end of your relationship. :wink:

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
9:41 am

Good early morning sunshines.

Jealousy is not a bad thing unless it is overflowing in insecurities. To me that little twinge of jealousy just says I care and he cares.

I have never dated or been in a relationship with a man that has an entourage of admirers so I have never had to deal with that. But I have seen women clearly flirt with a man I was on a date with, my husband included.

I have never made a scene however when the man has been my man, you know an established relationship, I have no problem inviting myself into the conversation. Sometimes it only takes giving that overly flirtatious heifer…I mean woman the evil for her step off.

I have never really had an issue where the man didn’t correct the matter when a woman was getting too feely touchy and aggressive.

But there was one time that the hub and I were at a gathering hosted by a friend and this woman caught him by himself and started up a conversation. She was flirty. I know what flirting looks like but because she never tried to touch arm or anything I just watched play out for those couple of minutes until he walked away. After we were in the car leaving I asked him what they were talking about and he said “she was getting too close for comfort wasn’t she”.

Because he was the one that walked away and because he admitted to her getting too close I didn’t worry about it after then.

It’s okay to care about where your mate spends their time away from you and who they spend it with. But when you start following them and accusing them for no good reason you my dear have crossed over into insecure and crazy.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
9:42 am

Slim, I agree with your comment very much.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
9:46 am

Dan, I agree with the part of your comment that says a person not being taken. No one can take my husband however he can choose to go. Just like you cannot make a person stay against their will no matter accommodating and great you are to them, they will only leave by their own volition no matter what the outside person claims to be offering.

There is no one to blame but the strayers themselves.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
9:49 am

he told me he liked that others found me pleasing to their eye

Leggs, most people feel that way and that’s a good thing. When you find a person that gets crazy because someone else is looking in the direction of the mate that person is not only insecure but possessive also.

What time is it?

February 18th, 2011
9:52 am

I agree with Slim, “It’s flattering to see that other folks admire your SO.” I dated models and actresses, if they were out and about (grocery store, pumping gas), I would always hear some guys trying to pick them up. They would say thanks for the compliment, but I’m in a relationship. I would get a little jealous, but I just remained cool. If you look pretty, people will hit on you. That’s what I did to get them in the first place, so why be upset when others do it. But don’t let no one disrespect your woman.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 18th, 2011
9:54 am

@Raqi

I can’t help that a woman is flirting with me, but I can control my response. Touching me in general is a no-no, I’m reflexively anti-touch.

But if she’s just talking, there shouldn’t be an issue. I’ve been on dates where a server is clearly flirting with me, a woman that “inserts” herself into the conversation is DTM. Let me take care of that. And if I’m not taking care of it in a timely manner (by her account), let’s discuss that after the event.

And it’s the same with my lady(ies). I’ve dated women that dude’s just out and out tried right in front of me. I’m not about to fight over no chick or some perceived slight (or “disrespect”), so I let her handle it and walked away.

More often than not, my reliance on their judgment served me well.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
10:00 am

Seems there’s a surfeit supply of jealousy among short men (j/k, kinda sorta).

kellibean

February 18th, 2011
10:04 am

I definitely have an issue with jealousy, but that is because of my insecurities. I am getting better and better with it, but that monster will hit me every once in a while. My BF is a musician and gets a lot of attention. He’s also very flirty…most musicians are. That is a way to get more tips! I’ve come to be ok with him being flirty on stage, but off the stage is another story. He’s still learning what is ok with me. He comes off flirty sometimes on Facebook with other women, but doesn’t realize it until I tell him how it can be percieved and how it makes me feel.

Now, I realize that my jealousy comes out of fear of my man finding someone better. My BF has helped me come a long way with my jealousy be showing me that he’s not going anywhere. He claims to not get jealous at all, but there have been times that he’s brought up male friend’s names to me and I ask him if it bothers him that I talk to them (one is my ex) and he says no, but I think if he keeps bringing it up, then it must bother him a little, right? I told him that I would lose the ex in a heartbeat, but the BF says he will never ask me to do that because he’s secure that nothing will happen! He and I only talk about once every month or two anyways.

Anyway…I could go on and on with this topic, but I’ll sit back and read what all of you have to say for now.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 18th, 2011
10:09 am

Morning, all…

On topic: I was jealous when I was a teenager (and insecure & stupid)… but I’ve long since grown out of that. As for the SO attracting attention, I’d think one would want his/her SO to attract attention. Now, how SO handles that attention is what determines whether or not you keep SO.

As I’ve proudly noted many times on here Mrs. Swiss is one FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE woman. :-D She definitely attracts attention. It’s actually funny all the looks we get when we’re out — you can typically read the thought process. It generally goes something like:

Dude version: “D@MN! She’s FINE! Wait… Is she WITH him…? WTF? What’s he got that I don’t?”

Chic version: “Oh, this b!tch thinks she’s all that… Hmph… Well okay, I guess she is pretty hot… Wait… Is she WITH him…? Hmmm… I bet he’s got a huge w@ng… Or portfolio… Or both… Lemme go introduce myself…”

:lol:

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
10:16 am

@kelliebean ~ seems like you’re growing in leaps and bounds! Keep working on it. Remember, communication is everything. Don’t assume and make a mountain out of a molehill. I have a gf that does that everyday for any insignificant occurrence in her dealings with men. She has written the script, produced the movie and usually stars in it ALONE! Don’t be that chick.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
10:18 am

Dan, I agree 100%. However, though I will never convince you of it, sometimes the flirting is not that obvious to the one that is being flirted with. Yeah it happens. A woman knows what a woman flirting looks like moreso than the man she is flirting with. Just you guys can give insight when another guy is feeding us a bunch of malarkey.
Me, inviting myself into a conversation, just merely saying “Hello”, lets the woman know that I see what she is doing. She gets it and k.i.m.

Have you ever been a situation when one of your buddies thought a woman was flirting with him or coming on to him when everyone else could tell she was not? It was just his ego playing tricks on him. Well it happens also when someone does not even realize the come-on. From my experience when a person does not find the one flirting attractive the come-ons and flirts a usually unnoticed.

I know in all your years of being a man you have managed to escape all of the misadventures of dating and relationships, but those that have not, it happens.

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
10:20 am

Morning,

I think a small dose of jealousy is natural and indicative of how/what you feel about your SO. It’s like that small stir in your belly if an opportunity present for someone to overstep. But there’s a better feeling when your SO checks the situation respectfully and with ease…letting others now how things stand. However as I’ve gotten older I’ll be daggone if someone keeps me in a tizzy with some dang foolishness. If (and trust it’s not likely) I find myself having to check you over some bs, I’m checking out. That’s the one thing about maturation, you already know what you don’t have to tolerate and can always easily dismiss yourself from any potentially bad situation. But yeah, as we’ve said a couple times on here before (some of us), that’s an emotion that you have as with any other kind of emotion. You should know how to keep it in check and you should be dealing with someone that knows the same.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
10:21 am

Jealous not so much, respect in all situations and we are fine. I tend to be oblivious when women are flirting with me, my wife has to let me know. When I see guys flirt with her I am kind of proud of it all, but she shuts it down by not even paying attention to it. Be respectful and do have any insecurity issues.

TenderRoni

February 18th, 2011
10:21 am

I think a jealous thought is natural reaction. But the reality is, if you know your worth that jealous thought will fade.

And when encounters happen that other women are looking at your man, I take it as a compliment. And also check how he handles it, if he knows how to respect a sista!

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 18th, 2011
10:22 am

@Kelli

I dig that you may have insecurities and fears of him “finding someone better” but remember this, he chose you. At the end of the day, despite your worries, he chose you. That should provide some comfort.

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
10:23 am

PR – I tend to be oblivious when women are flirting with me, my wife has to let me know.

Men say this ALLLL the time. I cannot see how I know when someone if flirting with me but men can’t. You’re not the only one, I’ve had several dudes say that to me…What? Me? When? She was what? Oh, I hadn’t even noticed. Riiiight :)

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
10:24 am

Dan, I don’t know if you remember me posting about the woman that was flirting with my husband at the gas station. I could see him in the mirror and I could see her parked in front of us. She was an attractive woman I cannot deny that but it didn’t look like he was checking her out more than he should have been. But while she was getting her gas I noticed her starting flirt with him doing the whole hair flip check me out routine.

Maybe she didn’t notice me sitting there at first but I caught her eye and gave her a look that she turned her head finished pumping her gas and got on.

All I am saying is what’s mine is mine and I have not problem subtly letting another woman know “I see you heifer“. LOL

Me

February 18th, 2011
10:24 am

My wife (I asked for a seperation a couple of days ago, so it may be EX in a few months) is a very pretty woman with a very curvacious body. She has always had guys hitting on her, fellow emplyees at her office offering their “services” and she wears very sexy, but business-like clothes to work. She’s outgoing and many a female thought she was being flirtacious with a man, when she just said she was being friendly. I’m not the overly jealous type, although she was a very touchy feely person and it did make me squirm a little, but never let her see it. Some people have no idea that their actions could be perceived as flirty and just scoff at them or call them the “jealous type”. They just keep on doing what they have been doing and pay no attention to the detractors.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 18th, 2011
10:26 am

“I cannot see how I know when someone if flirting with me but men can’t.”

C — That’s because you ladies are more concerned with what other chics do/say/wear/think than we are. We’re too busy checking out that bubble booty in our peripheral vision… :lol:

Me

February 18th, 2011
10:34 am

However, she is very jealous and used to check my Facebook page and asks me :How do you know her?”, “Did you ever date her?”, so I KNOW she’s got it in her. She always lets me know when she thinks I am being to chummy at parties, talking to _______, etc. BUT, the thing is that if I were to say something about her curtailing her flitting around like a social butterfly (she has a great pair and always wears shirts that show the “puppies” off), that would be curtains for the evening for me and her. No one’s gonna tell her how to act and if they think that, they can drop off a pier. Talk about a double edged sword.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
10:34 am

@Raqi V ~ didn’t you also encounter someone flirting and they “flipped their hair” and giggled?

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
10:35 am

@Me ~ sorry to hear about you asking for a separation, but at least you let her know you will no longer be her doormat. However, I swear it sounds like she has a maintenance man!

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
10:38 am

Celisea, because in my mind I have my women and I am really not paying attention to what other women are doing. If I see one that is nice looking or has a nice shape I will take a look but then keep on trucking. If you don’t know me I seem very unapproachable, it;s just my natural demeanor. So if a woman is flirting with me that would mean that I am actually paying attention to her and in reality I rarely am paying attention or giving a conversation to any woman but my wife. It’s funny when we are out shopping or in public if there is a woman to be spoken to my wife does the talking if it’s a man I do the talking. LOL

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
10:41 am

Me, there is no respect in your relationship. You don’t respect her and she may not respect you. She flirts (maybe) and you kiss other women. Glad you have finally decided to call it quits no need to waste each others time

kellibean

February 18th, 2011
10:42 am

Anytime the jealousy monster kicks in, I have to remind myself that in the end, he comes home to me. Even he says that I’ve come a long way in the past year. He understands that my jealousy comes from insecurities that I’ve struggled with for most of my life. I’ve been going to therapy for the past several months to overcome these issues and I’m getting better and better every day. His main problem is not quite knowing the boundary, but he’s starting to learn. Just yesterday, I told him that I was bothered by a Facebook exchange and he said, “do you really think that she thinks I’m hitting on her?” and I said that it can be perceived as that. Most of the time, he’s being totally innocent, but things he says and does can be perceived wrong by other people. I’m teaching him that he needs to think before he posts on other women’s Facebook pages. He is definitely learning! I was proud of myself for not flying off the handle, like I would have done 6 months ago. I was able to tell him how I felt about it and “wake” him up. I know that he loves me and is with ME. We are just both still adjusting to each other…

Me

February 18th, 2011
10:43 am

No problem, Leggs. I guess it was inevitable. Trust me, she would be one of the women that if Raq were to give her the “look”, she would just smile and keep right on doing what she was doing. It would be like a dare to her. I haven’t seen any BLATANT clues that she has another man, but she could sure have one if she even let it out for a second. Maybe she just likes all lf the attention that she gets from “the puppies” and leaves it at that.

Maybe the moon will fall out of the sky………..lol

kellibean

February 18th, 2011
10:45 am

Also…my BF knows that my previous longterm BF would check out women obviously in front of me and never made me feel secure in our relationship. It hurt my feelings so bad back then because he made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. I understand that men check out other women, but don’t make it so darn obvious!!! I check out other men, but none of the men I’ve been with have caught me because I don’t swing my head around and watch them walk by. I glance, then move on…

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 18th, 2011
10:46 am

I can’t even count the number of arguments I’ve been in because “you knew what that chick was doing”. lol I’m oblivious, but women always can tell. Although, sometimes, I think they’re just over reacting. This topic always makes me think of one SO who HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATED this one shirt I used to like wearing. A couple times chicks would compliment me on the shirt…only made her hate it more. At some point that shirt came up missing. It’s cool though ’cause at some point she was missing from my life too. lol

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
10:48 am

Leggs, same time same woman.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
10:49 am

@kellibean ~ your ex-bf did that because he saw you as a weak wounded soul. He played you to see just what he could get away with before you finally snapped. Thank goodness you didn’t wind up on the show SNAPPED!

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
10:49 am

@Raqi V ~ I thought so.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
10:51 am

Celisea, maybe I am a bit naive but I do think that when a man does not find a woman attractive he pays no attention to her flirting. Maybe it’s just what they want us to believe.

Just like when we don’t find a man attractive his flirting with us is borderline irritating. LOL

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
10:51 am

Even if I am jealous…I never show it. I will observe…if it is my guy doing the flirting then I kindly remind him that he is dating a spiteful chick and 2 can play that game. Although I would not be obvious and blatant so you’d know I’m gaming you. Subtle is the best approach. Now if it’s another chick flirting….I will sit back and watch to see if you douse the fire or add fuel. I am not territorial liek some insecure chick. If he decides that he wants her…by all means she has done me a favor by taking the loser off my hands. If he checks her…then it’s puddy on a platter later! :lol:

kellibean

February 18th, 2011
10:52 am

@Leggs…no joke!!!!! Thank God he’s an ex! He never could get it through his thick skull that it was not ok to do that. I still can’t believe I stuck around for 3 years with him. I was young and dumb and even more insecure than I am now. Trust me…I snapped every single time he did that and he still didn’t get it! He was just an oblivious man who didn’t know how to treat the good woman he had. Well…now, I’m someone elses good woman!!!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
10:53 am

DreamsMat, woman know when another woman is flirting. We know because we recognize our own tactics when we see it.

No different than one man knowing when another man is feeding a woman a load of BS. Same difference.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
10:54 am

Me – I sincerely wish you all the best and all the happiness that you’ve missed in your situation.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
10:55 am

Ohhh Evil men always up to know good. (Sarcasm)

If I notice a woman is flirting with me, guess what I do? I flirt real hard with my wife and do a boisterous PDA. What if I’m alone? I’m never alone only time I am really without her is when I am out doing guy stuff, hunting, fishing, snowmobiling.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
10:56 am

Another reason men do not pay attention to it is because we already think that every woman wants us, some of them are just better at hiding it than others. LOL

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
10:57 am

Now if you are trying to make your SO jealous then you just need a swift kick out of the relationship

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 18th, 2011
10:57 am

“If he checks her…then it’s puddy on a platter later!”

BMW — If we ever have a date in another life, I’m gonna pay a hot chic run up on me while we’re out so I can shoot her down & get in your panties…. :lol:

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
10:57 am

Yeah…a *little* jealousy can be healthy…a *little too much* not.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 18th, 2011
10:57 am

@Ladies

Unless you’ve got a guy that’s a proven cheat, most of the times, we don’t notice the chick hitting on us like that.

I notice her interest (and the accompanying ego-boost), but I’m not going beyond that.

At a certain point you really have to realize that I chose you. Despite what you may see, hear, or imagine, at the end of the day, I chose you. Beyond that, I don’t really feel like the other stuff matters.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
10:58 am

PR…I am very oblivious to when a guy is flirting with me. I am very friendly. So sometimes I forget people aren’t as friendly as I am. I have had my share of jealous guys. And I hate it. Don’t catch a ‘tude with me because men are looking at me. I will not dress down to appease your insecurity. I have T&A and I can not hide it. And I will not try to hide it for anyone but me. I had have boyfriends act a dayum fool and I tell them to kiss my a$$ and have a pleasant day! I do NOT have time for “ego-sitting”! Ball up and stop being a chick!

Me

February 18th, 2011
11:01 am

Thanks, sexy. No sex, drugs or rocknroll until after the dust clears, unfortunately, Advice from my legal council….lol. I’m just looking forward to meeting some new people. It seems that everyone is on their best behavior when dating and if they aren’t, time to move on. I’m ready to find one person that just happens to be on the same wave length and entusiasm level.

Ladies, have you ever had a woman flirting with your man and didn’t take the “hint” from you? How did you take to it? Just wondering….

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:06 am

“Unless you’ve got a guy that’s a proven cheat, most of the times, we don’t notice the chick hitting on us like that.

I notice her interest (and the accompanying ego-boost)”

Um…yeah…those two statements seem rather contradictory. You don’t notice, but you get an “ego boost” from something you didn’t notice?

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:06 am

Black I think the problem comes from when the committed person entertains the flirting and lets it continue. Some will say “they are harmless” or “I’m not paying him/her any attention” Then that is a respect issue. Also, I think people who are unattractive and nut used to people flirting tend to pay more attention to who is flirting. Us sexy people pay it no mind.

I’m on a horse!

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:08 am

Honestly one woman is enough for me to handle why in the hell would I want to entertain another for anything. One woman is a handful, more women more problems.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:08 am

I flirt real hard with my wife and do a boisterous PDA

Purple, now that I do. Not “flirt hard” but I will grab my husband’s hand or arm, or if we are sitting waiting for whatever I will lay my head slightly on his shoulder if I see a man or woman clearly flirting from across the room or looking in our direction way too long and too many times. It just simply says “I’m with him”.

And I do know that I have received fanny pat or been pulled closer for reasons other than he just likes the way I smell. LOL

I have playfully even pointed out to the hub when a woman was checking him out.

I remember one time we had gone out to dinner and were waiting to be seated. This lady kept looking in our direction and eventually made her way over to ask HIM for the time. See that’s a heifer move right there. But when she came over and asked for the time he asked me give her the time.

I could have really let her know what time it is but that’s not my style. LOL

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:10 am

{{clap, clap, clapping for you kelliebean}}!!

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:10 am

Raqi, :) I have no problem marking my territory or letting another woman I am marked. LOL

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:10 am

LMAO – you haven’t been on a horse in a while. Isn’t Fred a horse?

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:11 am

@kelliebean ~ Your moniker is close to my last name, and I have to be careful not to type my name instead of yours…it’s a constant struggle (LOL).

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:12 am

kellibean so you think he did those actions only because he knew how your ex man did you? That would mean that his actions did not start until you told him about what your ex man did to you and before you told him everything was fine. Don’t blame the new guy for the old guys stuff and if the new guys does the same thing the old guy did well the challenge is something with you.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 18th, 2011
11:14 am

DreamsMat, woman know when another woman is flirting. We know because we recognize our own tactics when we see it.
Raqi Yeah yeah yeah, I know. You don’t know how many times I’ve heard this. lol

“I saw her touch your arm”

“I’m not giving that b*_tch a tip to flirt with my man, and you better not tip her either”

“Oh it was just coincidence that she dropped her notepad and had to pick it up in front of you right”

“I don’t care if she sells cologne in the men’s section. She doesn’t have to tell you what kind of cologne she likes. Who gives a f*$%ch what she likes?”

I’ve heard it all. lol

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:14 am

SexyCool, LOL Fred is a pony. My horse is a horse it has no name but ummm “horse”

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:16 am

Touching arms? I don’t like anyone to touch me ever thats a violation of personal space(unless it’s family), if it were someone flirting or not they would know not to touch me again. LOL

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:16 am

Me, never had that happen to where he didn’t shut it down or the woman backed off from my look at her.

If a woman gets that aggressive and my man does nothing to stop it my issue will be with him and not her. He cannot control who flirts with him but he can put her in her place when it needs to be done.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:16 am

@Me ~ you sound a little relieved that you’re finally taking these steps. You sound like I did when I recognized what needed to be done. No bitterness, no regret, just wanted to get on with life with or without someone who cares for you.

But, let me ask you this. Do you remember her exact words when you asked for the separation and the tone in which they were delivered?

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 18th, 2011
11:17 am

@SC

I notice the attention, not the woman. (Incongruency solved, I hope)

My lady is the only woman I have eyes for. Now other body parts may not concur (and I’m strictly referencing hormones)…but she’s the only one.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:18 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪I’ve been to the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain…♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:19 am

If someone sees a weakness they will try and exploit it, carry yourself strong in love. Guys know when there is an opening and they know when there is not one. Why do you think some married men/women get hit on and some do not some times.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:20 am

Even if she is an ugly chick? You wouldn’t notice that if a chick looks like she got kicked in the face by PR’s horse?

Or if she was model perfect? You wouldn’t notice?

Surely, you would notice. You may not react…or be interested or even respond. But notice….surely, you would notice.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:20 am

Purple, “touching arms” is at the top of list of tactics women use to flirt.

While its his responsibility to not let it continue, my motto is “you touch my man, my fist gone touch your face”. Just kidding but only a little.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
11:20 am

SWISS…. :lol: you ole freak!

“Us sexy people pay it no mind. ”
PURPLE…. :lol: you are so crazy! I had a friend who thought any guy (even the ones I was dating)gave a her compliment, like saying she looked nice. This trick immediately thought he was flriting and that he wanted her. :roll: She was over-confident! :lol: It ain’t that serious!

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:21 am

@PR ~ my friends would laugh at me when we would hang out and a guy would touch me. I would always say “you don’t know me and I don’t know you so please don’t touch me!” Didn’t like strangers stroking my arm or reaching out to stroke my back. Often times I so wanted to bite the tips of their fingers.

@BMW ~ do you get that a lot? It was ad nauseam when I first arrived in the ATL.

kellibean

February 18th, 2011
11:22 am

@Leggs…Thank you!

@Purple…After I went a little crazy on the current BF for things he didn’t see as wrong, I explained to him about what the ex did to me and that I’ve always been insecure. (This was early in the relationship.) My BF doesn’t blatently flirt…he’s just sometimes oblivious. Again…he’s a musician and is used to doing that from the stage. I’ve just had to teach him what is ok and what is not ok when he’s off the stage. We have both changed a lot and grown over the past year. He means well…he’s just clueless sometimes! I just have to give him a little slap on the wrist and explain why I get jealous over some things. :-)

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:22 am

@SexyC ~ you beat me to the punch!!!!!

For Real

February 18th, 2011
11:27 am

On topic: For Real now standing over Slim in his B-boy stance wondering why ole boy gave Slim a Subway coupon or a free regular 6-inch sub???????? For Real now raising his leg to mark his territory (Slim).

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:28 am

I know I notice women. LOL

kellibean, work it out :)

Leggs, I had women try and touch me a lot when I lived down there. I did not like that.

Black, she sounds like one of those women you hold the door open for and she looks at you like you are about to ask her for her telephone numbers.

Raqi, I understand what you are saying. I don’t mind if a guy or in Atlanta guys and gals look at my wife I know she is mine but if one tried to approach I would step in.

SexyCool how did you know my horse kicked ugly women in the face. Next time you see him do that pat him on the head for me and tell him “Good Job” lol

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:29 am

kelliebean I would imagine dating a musician would be hard on a woman, because most have groupies. It would take a woman with great self esteem and confidence to be in that type of relationship IMO.

Me

February 18th, 2011
11:30 am

Leggs, I sure do. She first got mad and say “I never saw this coming.”, then a little crying, but we had been at this juncture before when I asked her about it. Same thing happened, but the behavior continued. Then she said that I wanted too much out of marraige. I gathered up some things and left, but she has called a time or two. Deep down I want to work it out, but it seems to be a repeating record. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:33 am

Me, do you fault her for everything? What and where is your accountability in the marriage and it’s shortcomings? Always good to look at yourself before you look at someone else.

kellibean

February 18th, 2011
11:33 am

@Purple…it is very difficult to see the women fawn over my man while he’s performing. But…he comes to me during the breaks. I had such a hard time at first, but I’ve adapted to it. If a woman goes too far, I have no problem stepping in making sure she knows he is mine!!! Also, it helps that he sings in my direction and even replaces my name with names in songs sometimes. Most people can tell we are together and to not bother trying! Now…when he reaches the point where he’s travelling to different cities, I may have a hard time since I’m not there to see it. Hopefully, when that point comes, I’ll be even more confident.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:33 am

Didn’t like strangers stroking my arm or reaching out to stroke my back.

Leggs, exactly. Especially when my man and I use those same moves to get each other’s attention. Me stroking his arm is my way of saying “hi handsome”. Him stroking my back says “I want to do delightful things to you” LOL

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:34 am

Me – sounds like she wants the security and convenience of being married to you with none of the responsibility.

I just said to one of my gfs the other day, “Do you really think you can go on your job, day in and day out, and do no work? Just show up? And expect to keep your job? Naw, you have to work to keep your job. Why do you think that you wouldn’t have to work to keep your relationship?”

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:35 am

Me, I just read your last comment to Leggs. If you don’t mind, so I don’t have to go back to the first page and read, please give me a quick rundown on what happened with your wife and is happening now.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:36 am

PR – I like that question. Me, what have you done wrong? Where do you fall short? I would think that if we are really in a place of enlightment, we are able to see (at least some of) our shortcomings.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
11:36 am

LEGGS….girl tell me about it! :lol:

PURPLE….oh she was a hot mess. I evetually had to cut her off for many reasons. But the main one was that she annoyed me and she wore man desperation like a cheap a$$ perfume. Every guy wanted her, because she was that chick! (Insert sarcasm here) :roll: :lol:

ME…time waist for no man/woman…so why should you? Keep moving forward! Sounds like she wants the convenience of a marriage but with none of the work of keeping it going.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:36 am

SexyCool, 11:34 (thumbs up)

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
11:38 am

I meant, “time WAITS for no man/woman”. I had a brain fart! :lol:

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:40 am

SexyCool, I like that question. I love using work relationships to get points across about intimate relationships. Folks seem to love their jobs and now the right things to do and not do to keep it. And are more willing to give to and accept from the job allowances they withhold from their mates.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:41 am

Black, time dwindles and waists grow

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:41 am

Yeah…me no likey strange folk touching me either.

At my little part time gig that I work at GA Dome events, one of the vendors was taking the flirting too far. I politely asked him to step to the side and said, “Look. At first, your little invitations to lunch were *kinda* cute. And I was trying to blow you off in a nice way. But I have made it clear to you on more than one occasion that I am happy in my relationship. You are now crossing the line into disrespect and it’s bordering on harassment. Now, let’s just go with a friendly working relationship and let all this other mess lie where it fell.”

Needless to say, that sobered him up a bit and I haven’t have a problem with him since then.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:43 am

BMW – for some reason…she sounds familiar. (And that’s all I’m gone say about that.) (lol)

TenderRoni

February 18th, 2011
11:46 am

Isn’t Me the guy his wife wasn’t givin it up to him, from the other day.

He was doing everything he could to get his wife to drop the draws.

Me

February 18th, 2011
11:47 am

Raq, I told her that all fall I had been asking what was going with her and if it was anything I had been doing, wasn;t doing ot doing too much of and she had told me that nothing was wrong and that everything was fine, that it was normal to not have all the “oomph” that we did earlier. I told her two days ago that I was not alright with the way things were and voiced my resaons, she got mad and said that I wanted too much out of marraige and then I said that I wanted a seperation to think about where I go from here. But as it sat right now, I couldn’t and wouldn’t live like this. She started crying and all, but we had been at this juncture before and nothing had changed. I gathered some of my things and left. She’s called a time or two and left a message, but I haven’t returned her call.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:49 am

Me, moving out was the worse thing you could have done if you ever plan on going back IMO

For Real

February 18th, 2011
11:50 am

SexyCool: Look. At first, your little invitations to lunch were *kinda* cute. And I was trying to blow you off in a nice way. But I have made it clear to you on more than one occasion that I am happy in my relationship. You are now crossing the line into disrespect and it’s bordering on harassment. Now, let’s just go with a friendly working relationship and let all this other mess lie where it fell.

For Real: Okay sooooo, you don’t want this candy I have in my pocket?

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:50 am

@Me ~ your post reminded me of a book called “The Whipping Boy” that I read many moons ago, but have never forgotten. I felt sorry for the boy in the book, but he prevailed much like you. For her to say “she didn’t see this coming” is a ploy. She needs to “act” like she’s a deer caught in the headlights, but she’s playing you. Watch your back at all times (I’m serious)!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:51 am

Every guy wanted her, because she was that chick!

BlackMagic, one lesson my sister taught me well is “not every man wants a Raqi” and then life confirmed it. LOL

I have been in association with a few women like that. Worked with one that was so oblivious she was the butt of many breakroom jokes with the menfolk.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:52 am

Me, when you are ready for some man advice let us know. We won’t steer you wrong. LOL

TenderRoni

February 18th, 2011
11:53 am

@SCool- that 11:34 post was definitely on point, and I think fits Me’s ‘ituation.

Think it through Me, hope everything works out for the best.

For Real

February 18th, 2011
11:53 am

Me: It’s cheaper to keep her!!!

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:54 am

Exactly, Rock and I really don’t get those people who say that a relationship shouldn’t be work. How else do you get a relationship to work if you don’t work at it? You don’t just happen to be a good employee. You work at improving the skills/knowledge required in your chosen career. You set goals and hold yourself to standards. You make an effort.

Well, good relationships don’t just happen either.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:56 am

Naw…ForReal…I’m good with the candy I got at the house. (lol)

Ya’ nut.

For Real

February 18th, 2011
11:57 am

Scool: “How else do you get a relationship to work if you don’t work at it? You don’t just happen to be a good employee. You work at improving the skills/knowledge required in your chosen career. You set goals and hold yourself to standards. You make an effort.” – you on point with that but one big excuse for not doing as you stated is LOVE will fix eva-rye-thang so I don’t have to work at it.

Simple Man!!!!

February 18th, 2011
11:57 am

Whats good peeps?? i see the Blog Boos are out in force and on point today!!!

“I do NOT have time for “ego-sitting”! Ball up and stop being a chick!”

Number one line of the day!!!

Ok….back to Lurking….

For Real

February 18th, 2011
11:58 am

So no candy huh? Well I happen to know where I can get my hands on some Subway coupons???

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:59 am

Me, thanks for the recap.

Well there you have it. Just from what you were saying the other day about your marriage and intimacy going from what seems to be 10 to zero flat in a short number of years, something obviously changed for her. It may or may not have something to do with you but you did your part.

Saying you want too much from marriage sounds like a statement of someone wanting to make it be your fault or someone that has discovered that relationship is not what she wants. Maybe she didn’t properly count up the cost before accepting the ring. Or at all.

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
12:01 pm

Me:

You shouldn’t have left the premises…..now there is an opportunity for her to say abandonment……should have toughed it out on the couch or in another room.

After Noon:

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 18th, 2011
12:04 pm

@SC

Nope. Model, body, whatever.

I wouldn’t take notice

SlimNumeroUno

February 18th, 2011
12:05 pm

For Real – No need to be jealous about the sub coupon. You know I was going to give you 2 inches of it. After all, you should know I’m not the stingy type ;-)

Simple Man!!!!

February 18th, 2011
12:07 pm

I think the blog dudes need to hold in intervention and take “ME” out somewhere so that he can get his confidence back… Sounds like the wife is looking to take away the last of your manhood and I suggest you not let it go without a fight!!!!

kimmie

February 18th, 2011
12:09 pm

What’s up Gang? Off, working at home today!

Well being that me & my fiance’ are both hot, I think we handle other’s advances or flirting very well!! LOL!!! Just kidding. But really, while we would not be human if we didn’t get a twing, that’s just never been an issue with us. I lay back in the cut when women get a little too flirty and let him handle it. He the same with me. Me personally, I am confident and secure and I try to give my best to the relationship. The day my best is not enough, even after we marry, and he decides there’s someone else that can make him happier, he knows what he can do and I can do it too. Can’t stress myself out on it.

I have never tolerated guys that try to “make” me jealous. That’s a sure way to show me to the door. And some folks thrive on jealousy, they don’t feel someone “loves” them unless they react in a jealous rage to things. That’s just sad, but happen every day!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
12:11 pm

Still thinking about that statement “you want too much from marriage” after a number of years, that statement translates in my mind as “I have found something else I would rather be doing or I like doing better”.

Marriage is the ultimate commitment. The only entity were you promise to forsake all others. If that’s not giving of your whole self nothing is.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:13 pm

Simple Man, I agree it sounds like he has lost his spine and is just second guessing himself. He needs to pray that he makes the right decisions and be the man he is supposed to be whether that involves making his marriage work or not.

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
12:13 pm

Busy today…have a 1:15 appt…when I come back my page shows page 1 but ya’ll are on there so if I miss anybody, not on purpose

Swiss/PR – Okaaay, if ya’ll say so

Raqi – You really believe me are oblivious because a woman is not attractive to them? I would think attractive or not, if a person if flirting you can still get a read on it. I know I can….had an old nasty bat watching me in the cafe last week…no matter which food counter I went to he was looking. Well wouldn’t you know, I pay for my food and getting napkins, salt, straw and turn around to walk away and he bumps into me frontal…and say “wooo, easy to bump into each other” nasty bat.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
12:13 pm

I’d be interested in hearing PoppaGrande’s legal advice in Me’s situation.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:13 pm

What we hear and what is said is not always the same thing.

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
12:14 pm

I was saying I’m on page 1 ya’ll are on page 3…

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
12:15 pm

Okay, Imma have to read Me’s situation when I come back.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
12:19 pm

Thank you Simple Man…I aims to please! :lol:

SCOOL…I don’t think you know this girl. I had kicked her to the curb before I met you. But on a side note…girl who you talkin’ ’bout? :lol:

PURPLE…Me’s wife is playing a game. And he should not have to stay there and deal with that. Life is too short to be miserable!

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
12:22 pm

Coming from a woman, I agree with Blackfoote. As much as I hated my ex being in the other room, I knew I wasn’t going to leave and perhaps be charged with abandonment giving him a better legal fight than the one I had. However, I don’t know how long one must be gone for to stand on the grounds of abandonment. But, I do have one tip for you, do not change your “mailing” address.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:22 pm

Celisea, are you one of those women who tell a man what he is thinking but the man tells you what he is really thinking and you still tell him he is wrong?

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
12:24 pm

PR – Celisea, are you one of those women who tell a man what he is thinking but the man tells you what he is really thinking and you still tell him he is wrong?

LOL Not at all. I believe men when they say what they think or feel but I just find it HARD TO BELIEVE that if someone pulled up their dress and showed you they aren’t wearing panties, if you said you didn’t see that. LOL

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
12:25 pm

Don’t pay me no mind.

kimmie

February 18th, 2011
12:26 pm

Nasty bat – :lol:

Celisea – That’s hilarious! And no, I don’t believe for a minute dudes don’t notice when a chick is flirting! They may not notice subtle stuff, and especially when they are not looking for it. But that’s the way I would get a single guy’s attention without directly approaching or asking him out. I would flirt. And if he was interested, he definitely got the message. If not, we both kept it moving. It’s a dance both men and women know.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:27 pm

Black, I just don’t think that “Me” is squeaky clean in the situation. Not saying he is or isn’t but we don’t know what transpired to get to this point he came on her and told his story about the lady in the club and kissing, but let’s be real he may have done other stuff and his wife found out or he could have been talking down to her etc, who knows and who knows the truth. I really doubt that we are getting the full story but that is just my suspicious nature. I am saying I could be wrong. But I will admit as men when there is a problem with a woman we don’t always paint the full picture then get around other women and try and play the “it’s not me it’s her card” in an effort to gain sympathy. Once again, I could be wrong…but I am not as wet behind the ears as some may think. Maybe I am not in a good mood today because it really bothers me when I hear a man whining and being wimpy leaving stuff open ended instead of taking charge, making strong decisions that will conquer the challenge that is presented.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 18th, 2011
12:28 pm

“I just find it HARD TO BELIEVE that if someone pulled up their dress and showed you they aren’t wearing panties, if you said you didn’t see that. “

Come on, now C… Not all chics flirt as openly as BMW;-) :lol:

Simple Man!!!!

February 18th, 2011
12:29 pm

“LOL Not at all. I believe men when they say what they think or feel but I just find it HARD TO BELIEVE that if someone pulled up their dress and showed you they aren’t wearing panties, if you said you didn’t see that. LOL”

What???? He may have been looking at his phone, watching the TV behind her in the corner…..

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
12:32 pm

Purple, mark your calendar because for the second time this week I am agreeing with you. Your 12:27 that is.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
12:34 pm

PR – I indicated as much when we talked about it earlier this week. It could be that she is holding on to some past issue, slight, problem, hurt or something that Me thinks he has atoned for and should be over by now, but she’s not. It seems that *some*thing happened to change the way she sees him. And I advocated him asking her (IF he doesn’t have some idea).

Because usually, when you have injured a person in a way that affects them profoundly, you know. You may not want to acknowledge that you know, but you do.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:34 pm

Raqi, :) I thought I was alone.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
12:35 pm

How do you go from “she doesn’t want sex and no other problems exist” to “we separated” in only 3 days?

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
12:36 pm

Um…okay, Dan….if you say so.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:37 pm

SexyCool exactly. Me may think the relationship has moved on but his wife is thinking otherwise and he may just be back to his old behavior. Furthermore if you are having marriage problems you don’t work them out by going to the club without your spouse…wait until things are better to go out by yourself. Wait a minute am I being a player hater? I don’t mean to be I just take marriage very seriously.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
12:37 pm

Nah, Purple I am with you on this one. The first day conversations and comments was too lighthearted and jovial for a separation to have taken place so soon.

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
12:39 pm

Although amicably when I and my ex divorced, I left the house she re-married and is still leasing our former house today. Those knee jerk reactions do come with high price. I agree Purp we just can’t side with one side and not have heard the other.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
12:40 pm

Past infidelity? Dishonesty? Disrespect? Money issues? Lack of support? Lack of communication? Lack of trust? Verbal abuse? Physical abuse? Problems caused by family? Problems caused by children? Problems caused by work?

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
12:40 pm

@SexyC ~ the point Dan isn’t speaking on is that he may be looking you dead in your eyes talking with you and smiling but his peripheral vision is better than most peoples! He ain’t slick….you can look w/o turning your head (LOL).

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
12:41 pm

Or…she could just feel like she’s done her part in the marriage. The kids are grown and gone. She’s wifed you for long enough and now…she just wants to coast.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
12:42 pm

Furthermore if you are having marriage problems you don’t work them out by going to the club

Or on a blog. There are a few women that I have had the pleasure of sharing with whose opinion I respect to the highest but what they say helps me see things better or gives me something to consider. I have much respect for these women and their comments but in the end I know how I have to deal in my house. I know the entire conversation and what it is I did or am doing wrong.

I hear the advice and opinions but only my husband and I can work it out.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
12:43 pm

SexyCool, exactly. The list is endless. I told him the other day it is always “somthing”. “Nothing” is never true.

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
12:44 pm

Kimmie – Exactly

Swiss/Simple Man – Ya’ll know I’m right :)

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
12:44 pm

Could there be something that you *think* you got away with, but maybe she has known all along or somehow found out about?

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:45 pm

Celisea, I would look but would not think to much of it.

cba

February 18th, 2011
12:48 pm

We sold our house in 1999 to a single lady. We did a buy owners contract and when she signed it, my wife was out of town, she seem nervous. I thought it was because this was her first house but I also felt alittle vibe from her. Anyway, atleast two years after the sale, she would call and ask me to come over and take a look at something, hole in the wall, door sticking, just minor stuff. I ALWAYS TOLD MY WIFE when I would go over.
One time she offered me a coke and I accepted it and while I was patching the hole in the wall, she asked would I like something in the coke. I said no thanks, I headed to the gym. She said I know you have to go home to your wife and kid.
She calls to our house atleast once a year, asking for an invite. She called about six months ago and said we had mail at her house. Eleven years later!! I gave her our address and she mailed the junk mail to me. Whenever my wife sees her name on the caller ID, she says that your woman.
How bold can you freaking be.
Living in the ATL, you better have your ish solid because these people have no respect.
This is the worst for me but I could tell way more stories concerning men coming after her.

For Real

February 18th, 2011
12:51 pm

Me: Look here bruh, first thing first you got to man up and stop running. Which means take yo azz back home. Second, take inventory of the facts (not what you think) about what you are doing or not doing or have done and whether you want your wife or not. Third, if you want to communicate better with your wife a change of scenery is required. Somewhere relaxing, close and most important not over the top romantic. Remember y’all got issues to resolve and ain’t no amount of fuggin gon solve it. If she refuses to go then you have your answer and you should plan accordingly.

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
12:52 pm

PR – Not doing anything is better but you can’t say you didn’t see it right? That’s all I’m saying…SOMETIMES you can tell, it’s just pays off and works better for all parties to pretend not to notice…lol

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:52 pm

And another major difference Raqi is he went to the club and basically hooked up with a woman. LOL, that guy is full of it. Me, if you want some attention from the ladies here just say so and stop with all of the antics, we have some strong smart women on here. LOL Just follow my lead :)

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:53 pm

Celisea, I can tell if a woman moons me no problem. But I can rarely tell if a woman is flirting because I am not paying that much attention. If she moons me then flirts well hell I am on the way to the ATM!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
12:54 pm

I told the hub to come over here, lay down and take a nap because he looks a bit tired. He said he is not sleepy and he has some work he needs to get done. I asked him can he please come over and lay down with Lizzy and help keep her still so she will stop flailing her legs kicking me and hitting the wires until she falls asleep. How come it hasn’t even been 15 minutes and he is snoring like a buzzsaw and she is laying here still awake watching The Backyardigans?

Not tired huh? LOL

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
12:55 pm

For Real, you forgot to tell him the most important thing.

“ZIP!”

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
1:00 pm

At the end of the day, regardless of what the issues are or are not, if the two of them are making each other miserable, perhaps they should go their separate ways.

Everybody deserves happiness. Hell, he could be making her as unhappy as she is obviously making him.

For Real

February 18th, 2011
1:03 pm

PR: Sounds like he has been Zipppping all over town and ole girl is gunshy about the AIDS potential.

Scool: No everyone doesn’t deserve to be happy. You eat what you kill.

wRENN

February 18th, 2011
1:04 pm

Good afternoon all its been a longggggggggg time since i blogged on here but i’m coming out of lurksville to make a few comments…

@BLACKMAGICWOMAN -you always crack me up!

Just my two cents then back to lurksville…and I’m not trying to be a know it all but people keep telling ME that he should have stayed but in Georgia there is a law that you have to be separated at least 30 days not under the same roof for a legal separation to be granted. Also just a couple years ago and i don’t know if they passed the law or not but they were trying to make it a law that you have to have marriage counseling before you can divorce in Georgia…

Life is short, if you are not happy don’t waste time on a relationship where the other party does not appreciate you or what you offer to the marriage.

Unfortunately the economy is keeping alot of couples from divorcing because of monetary reasons but the domestic violence rate has shot through the roof…so says the statistics that i read.

@Leggs its been a while but i still work for macys and the president’s day sale is going on and there is a WOW Pass! offering %15 off…Come and get you some shoes…

Have a nice weekend everyone…ME do what’s good for your peace of mind, body and soul.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:05 pm

For Real, good point. If a woman thinks you are out there she will close up shop on you. He may just now be realizing the relationship is over but she has been planning for this for a long time.

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 18th, 2011
1:07 pm

“Ya’ll know I’m right”

C — Okay, let’s test your hypothesis… show me your puddy. :lol:

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:11 pm

Swiss, and I am pausing to take a look too.

For Real

February 18th, 2011
1:11 pm

PR: If a man learns nothing else about a woman he learn these three things:

1. She is ALWAYS thinking

2. She ALWAYS believe she deserves better

3. She ALWAYS knows what she don’t want

kimmie

February 18th, 2011
1:12 pm

Purple Olive – We think alike about this ME situation. I agree. We are only hearing one side and that side doesn’t quite add up.

Like my mom used to say, “It’s a dead cat on the line somewhere!”

For Real

February 18th, 2011
1:14 pm

Swiss: Dang! give a brother a warning next time so I put on my glasses. Now where did I put my 117oz bottle of vanilla scented lotion?

Wise Diva

February 18th, 2011
1:14 pm

I don’t know about # 2 For Real, hmm

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:16 pm

For Real, LOL

kimmie, hurry up and get married so we can cheat! LOL

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:17 pm

Hey who is the new lady with the blue? Oh that’s Wise Diva, LOL

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
1:17 pm

It is true the economy is keeping a lot of marriages at bay……LOL I know a buddy that’s living in his basement because of the economy and it is cheaper to keep her.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:19 pm

The economy is keeping cheaters at home because they don’t have the money to spend on side chicks, hotels, meals, strippers and hookers. LOL might as well stay at home.

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
1:20 pm

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:25 pm

Blackfoote, this will help in a slow economy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZVnve5wG0A

kimmie

February 18th, 2011
1:25 pm

Purple Olive – Concerning the ME situation – I agree with you. We only hear his side and that side is not adding up!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
1:27 pm

If it’s cheaper to keep her someone need to tell Lionel Richie he needs a better attorney. He pays his ex something to the tune of $300,000 a month in spousal support AND last I read she still lives in the house WITH HIM. Separate from him but still under the same roof.

If my husband ever decides to nut up I want Mrs. Richie’s attorney.

kimmie

February 18th, 2011
1:27 pm

Purple – Why should I bother? If I flirted with you, you wouldn’t notice anyway!LOL!!

Me

February 18th, 2011
1:29 pm

How do they expect me to keep up with this thing if I keep having to work……*sigh

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:30 pm

kimmie, good one. LOL

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:31 pm

Me, is there moisture forming?

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
1:35 pm

I’m sleepy. May take it to the house in a bit.

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
1:35 pm

LOL….Purp

Raqi V……Lionel got unlimited cash flow from royalties that will never cease but if I’m giving her that kind of cash a month one of us has to move.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
1:35 pm

@wRENN ~ a man after my heart. You know I’m coming {{muah}}.

I didn’t have to go to marriage counseling but If you have children one or both parents must attend a class session on “raising children through divorce.” Didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know because I’m a parent. The class is instructional for those who don’t know how to be a parent. You know those that I speak of.

@Me ~ no matter what you do, I wish you the best of luck. If divorce is in the works, I pray you have an acrimonious one! Mature people usually go that route.

Simple Man!!!!

February 18th, 2011
1:36 pm

“Lionel got unlimited cash flow from royalties that will never cease but if I’m giving her that kind of cash a month one of us has to move.”

Or I better have unlimited access to her suite and a key to the panty drawer….

wRENN

February 18th, 2011
1:43 pm

@Leggs…lol, i am all woman and then some…but thanks for the recognition…no big deal, i’m not on here that much in the last couple years so honest mistake…lol – have a great weekend…you have until the 21st to use the WOW Pass! Spring shoes are slowly trickling to the tables but the winter wear especially boots are 50% off these days…no matter what the brand! Happy Shopping…

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:44 pm

Simple Man, they have to still be having sex, $300k and in the same house.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
1:44 pm

Blackfoote, I don’t care if that man has the ability to crap diamonds, $300,000 a month is a lot of money to be giving a woman under the pretense of spousal support and you still paying the bills.
I want that lawyer. LOL

I can’t even spend $300,000 a month. Jimmy Choo nor Christian Louboutin can produce enough shoes in a month’s time for me to spend that kind of money.

And I know the man I am married to. If he is giving me that kind of money and I am still living in the house with him, we gone making white icing every day and twice on Sundays. We can pretend like we divorced and I sleep in another but even if I am asleep when it happens he gone be getting something for his money, room and board. LOL

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
1:46 pm

I’ve got a fever on there is only one prescription…….more cowbell!

Have a good weekend.

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
1:47 pm

Leggs:

I recieved a letter for that class session you’re talking cause our son was 5 at the time. My ex asked me was I going to attend I said hell no for what about a month later I got another letter from the court house demanding I show up.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
1:51 pm

@wRENN ~ I know you are, but the saying goes a “MAN” after my own heart”…didn’t want to open a can of worms by saying a “WOMAN” after ny own heart…just doesn’t sound right and you know these bloggers will jump on anything and everything (LOL).

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
1:51 pm

Raqi V:

LOL……I’m with you shd I’d want that damn lawyer too.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
1:53 pm

If you have children one or both parents must attend a class session

Leggs, really? Why is that? Just because two people divorce doesn’t mean one is a bad parent. Some people are mutually great parents but can’t make it work as a couple. That’s an interesting fact to know.

wRENN

February 18th, 2011
1:56 pm

@LEGGS…LMAO, sho you right! the store is open until 10pm…Thurs-Sat are the late days at macys…

Hey Rhianna has a new fragrance out as well…it smells pretty good, they have a nice gift bag that comes along with the fragrance…

Its called Rhel Lefluer…

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
1:59 pm

@Blackfoote ~ I never even told my ex about the class. I saw no reason in wasting my breath.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
2:01 pm

In the hopes of minimizing the devastating affects divorce can have on young children. Should have put that in my post, if you have children under 13 I believe.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:02 pm

SexyCool, I was just my cousin that a friend of mine is looking to buy a house and he gave a site that you may want to check out. I don’t know all the details of it but you can look to see if it is something that can benefit you. Do you want the name of that website?

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
2:07 pm

Of course. (lol)
Scheduled to close one month from today.
Praying and believing that all goes according to schedule.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
2:07 pm

@Raqi V ~ I had to put my own words in to make that sentence work. I don’t think that’s how we are suppose to do things while reading (LOLOLOL). Just messing with you.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:07 pm

Oh, okay that makes sense.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:15 pm

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥I’m in the mood for love, Simply because you’re near me; Funny but when you’re near me, I’m in the mood for love♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 18th, 2011
2:19 pm

“Leggs, really? Why is that?”

Because “christian conservatives” — who want the government out of their lives when it comes to taxes and health care (for the already-born and not brain-dead) and gun laws, etc., want the government all up in your business when it comes to who you can marry or divorce or when you can buy booze, etc…

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
2:19 pm

@Raqi V ~ slap across right cheek, then left cheek….WAKE UP and stop trying to stirrup the juices (LOLOLOL).

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
2:21 pm

i’m swiss pretty much laid it out!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:21 pm

LOL Leggs I don’t know why that song popped up in my head.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
2:23 pm

Because he’s lying next to you and you keep looking at him! Look at the ceiling until the feel subsides (lol).

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:27 pm

He’s up Leggs. Been up and out of the room for about 1/2 hour now. But yeah maybe his lingering aroma has my mind in the mood for love. LOL

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
2:32 pm

WRENN…thank you very much! I guess I I will hit up the Macy’s here, or go to Jersey so I do not have to pay taxes and rack up.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
2:32 pm

RAQI…might I remind you…that song and mood is what has you with a 20 month old and a jr. on the way! :lol:

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
2:35 pm

Raqi V:

Are you and your husband going to take lamaze classes. I went with my ex and we had fun in them until our last class I had the nerve to mention her weight gain and she went off on me I knew she was miserable cause it was the summer months and we still had three months to go…..LOL

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:37 pm

BlackMagic, ain’t that the truth!!! LOL

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
2:38 pm

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:38 pm

Right after I confirmed I was pretty he said well at least we can have sex and don’t have to worry about you getting pregnant now.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:40 pm

Blackfoote, this is will be my forth birth so I think I know that procedure. LOL

He did really good with Lizzy with the contraction and the delivery up until things got a little bumpy. He got scared for minute.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
2:46 pm

@Blackfoote ~ great foot in mouth story. I have one for you. My ex and I went to Lamaze class and we were doing some exercse and he farted! Loudly!

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
2:46 pm

I didn’t fart, HE DID!

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
2:47 pm

Blackfoote…If I were you wife and you mention my weight while I was carrying YOUR child….it would have been the scene from “Friday” when Debo got knocked the F–k out! :lol:

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
2:48 pm

Well it’s a wrap for me today hope everyone enjoy their weekend it’s going to be a great one. Wow February and it’s 71 degrees.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:48 pm

I was 21 when my first was born. 16 hours of labor but piece of cake. My second, 26. 3 hours of labor and he practically kick the door down and pop out all on his own. Number 3, 41. I got ill leading up the delivery and she was born one month early. And here I sit. The last but definitely not the least. Bed ridden at 42 soon to be 43.

At 21 I could probably hit cartwheels had I tried. Now can’t even stand on my feet for more than 10 minutes at time.

Had diabetes with all of them but I guess the older you get the more the disease affect you.

Blackfoote

February 18th, 2011
2:49 pm

LOL……..Leggs and BMW

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
2:50 pm

LOL Leggs.

But to his defense that is nothing compared to the controllable things that do possibly happen while giving birth.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
3:05 pm

RAQI….thank God this is the last stop on the Baby Train for you! You might fall apart if you had to do again after Jr.! :lol:

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
3:21 pm

I watched Confessions of a Shopaholic at 330 this morning. Cute little movie.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 18th, 2011
3:22 pm

so what’s everyone doing this weekend? It feels good out there. Trying to decide what I want to eat tonight that’s close.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:24 pm

BlackMagic, they gone have to put me away if that happens. LOL

But seriously we getting that matter taken care of.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
3:25 pm

I’m going to a friend’s party tomorrow. She’s having it a club so I plan to do a lot of dancing.

I have an old friend coming into town for the hair show, but he’s staying in Lithia Springs with his sister. Never even knew he had a sister here, but she’s a bit too far from me so I’m not sure if we get a chance to see each other before he leaves.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
3:27 pm

American Idol has much better talent this season. And the addition of J-Lo and Steven Tyler was brilliance. I don’t know what they are going to do with Randy and his weird dressing self. It’s like he’s a cross between a skateboarder and a rapper. So interesting….those colors he wears.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
3:28 pm

DreamsMat – I just sent TheDude an email saying that I’m not going to do what I told him that I might. That instead, I am going home to sit down so that I’m not out spending money in anticipation of all the expenses associated with the close and the move.

(I may be out gathering boxes so that I can start packing a room at a time.)

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
3:28 pm

Loving STyler!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:29 pm

SexyCool, I tried watching Colored Girls or For Colored, whatever it is, yesterday evening. Why didn’t yall tell that fool dropped those babies out of that windows. I cried for a solid 10 minutes although I had stopped the DVD right after that.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:30 pm

I love Steve Tyler. He looks like a cricket but I luvs me some him.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
3:31 pm

I haven’t been motivated to see that yet. Much like Precious, it just seems too damn gloomy to be entertaining to me.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
3:33 pm

RAQI,,,that was NOT the movie for you in your condition girl! :lol: Yeah that was sad. I had a WTF moment on that one.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:33 pm

Well DreamsMat, I plan to wake up, unstrap, go to the potty, brush me teeth, take a shower, dry off, come back to the bed, apply my moisturizers, get dressed, restrap, eat my breakfast with Lizzy, get Lizzy dressed, comb her hair, look over the grocery list one last time to make sure nothing is forgotten…and then wing it from there.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
3:34 pm

STyler seems to genuinely be a real cool and nice person. He’s not playing for the camera or anything. He’s smooth as butter!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:36 pm

SexyCool, I will not be watching Precious. LOL

BlackMagic, I wish someone would have told me. None of my besties had seen it so they didn’t know to tell me not to watch it. I thought the cast was pretty good so I said I’ll watch it. When he dropped those babies with that blank look on his face my heart nearly jumped out of my chest. That was awful.

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
3:40 pm

Swiss – C — Okay, let’s test your hypothesis… show me your puddy.

Just getting back from appointment and clutching my pearls!!!

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
3:40 pm

Hell…it took me YEARS to want to watch The Color Purple. I only watched it after I was hanging out with some friends one night and they were talking about how funny it is. Now, I happen to think it’s one of the greatest comedies ever.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:44 pm

SexyCool, I read book before I saw the movie. The book tells way more and yes there are a lot of comedic scenes in that movie. And a lot of famous quotes.

“I luz harpo Gawd knows I do, but i’d kill ‘em dead…”

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
3:44 pm

I LOVE Steve Tyler

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
3:48 pm

@Celisea ~ well, I’m IN love with STyler!

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
3:49 pm

And another thing about Mr. Tyler. Pretty sure he didn’t need to reinvent himself, but it’s a sure bet he has legions and legions of new fans.

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
3:52 pm

Leggs – In love huh? He’s just so…what? Something

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
3:53 pm

“You told Harpo to beat me?”

“You shole is ugly.”

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
3:54 pm

“She black. She ugly and she got that nasty woman’s disease.”

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:54 pm

I was reading over at ChaPan and he said that Tyler Perry is going to attempt to do a remake of Love Jones. I sure hope that is not happening. Why the heck will they let him mess up a perfectly good movie?

The best movie TP has made is A Family that Preys and I honestly believe he had very little writing in that movie. It’s probably his conception but not his birth.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:55 pm

“You shole is ugly.”

Yeah but in the book she had no problem “licking” that ugly.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 18th, 2011
3:56 pm

my friend’s mother doesn’t like Danny Glover to this day because he played that role so good. lol

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
3:58 pm

She turned Celie out. Told her she was virgin because she had never experienced sexual pleasure yet she had birthed two children. Teaching her about her magic button. Shug was a straight out freak. Sleeping with the husband, then turning to the wife, in the end bringing her new young stud up in both their faces.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
3:59 pm

:lol: :lol: , you funny Celisea.

@Raqi V ~ I said the same thing about a Family that Preys!

My favorite line in Color Purple is when Whoopie told Mister “no good will come to you until you do good by me”. Something like that. If she had a gnarled witche’s finger, she could have put a hex on him.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
4:00 pm

@DreamsM ~ I refused to watch the movie ever again because he played that role so well…

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
4:02 pm

Did you all notice Sophia was pregnant upon her entrance into the movie? The movie really does not state it but the book does. Once you know it when you see the movie you see that’s not just a potbelly she is pushing. LOL

Celisea

February 18th, 2011
4:04 pm

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
4:35 pm

@Raqi V ~ I just went back to see if you left the E.O.D. What happened that Biff wound up posting that gibberish? Did you fall asleep (lol)?

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
5:02 pm

I’ll leave with this small jokey joke:

At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells … ‘THEIRS’?

Good night. Enjoy the beautiful weekend we are about to have!

Not Perfect...but I'm His!

February 18th, 2011
5:02 pm

I Love A man who knows Jesus…who is about His Father’s business…who does not preach/live a watered-down message. A man who does not mind getting in the trenches to make a major impact in the earth…..No Time for Jealousy!

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
5:12 pm

Kelliebean is that you???? (lol)