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Dating: Is jealousy ever ok?

I sometimes like to ask men if they are the jealous type.  It’s just a random question I toss out during the getting to know you stage in dating. Of course, no man ever admits to being jealous.  Truthfully, only time and certain circumstances will reveal how they actually handle being jealous.  It’s a human emotion that we have all experienced at one time or another.

I’ve certainly given my date a raised eyebrow/dirty look when he didn’t correct an aggressive female shamelessly flirting in front of me.  He was clearly amused by the attention. It wasn’t until the shoe was on the other foot did he realize that being with a babe magnet has its moments.

Some people can tolerate more than others but the key is how you handle jealousy: Throw pouting fits in a juvenile way? Turn into a ragey, possessive nutbag that is a total nightmare to be around? I’ve actually seen varying responses and the one thing I realized is that the way you handle it separates the mature from the immature.

Listen, not one of us wants to be with someone that nobody else finds desirable.  We all want to be proud of who we are rocking on our arm, right? It’s perfectly normal that someone else will see what you in your date.   So what do you do when someone you are seeing attracts a lot of attention in public?

How do you handle it when the person you are dating has a slew of admirers that love to make their presence known? What happens when former flings, exes that won’t go away, not-so secret admirers of your date are constantly popping up, what do you do?

Is it ever ok to be a little jealous of the attention they receive?

Happy Friday! What are you planning for this beautiful weekend weather in Atlanta?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

249 comments Add your comment

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
10:58 am

PR…I am very oblivious to when a guy is flirting with me. I am very friendly. So sometimes I forget people aren’t as friendly as I am. I have had my share of jealous guys. And I hate it. Don’t catch a ‘tude with me because men are looking at me. I will not dress down to appease your insecurity. I have T&A and I can not hide it. And I will not try to hide it for anyone but me. I had have boyfriends act a dayum fool and I tell them to kiss my a$$ and have a pleasant day! I do NOT have time for “ego-sitting”! Ball up and stop being a chick!

Me

February 18th, 2011
11:01 am

Thanks, sexy. No sex, drugs or rocknroll until after the dust clears, unfortunately, Advice from my legal council….lol. I’m just looking forward to meeting some new people. It seems that everyone is on their best behavior when dating and if they aren’t, time to move on. I’m ready to find one person that just happens to be on the same wave length and entusiasm level.

Ladies, have you ever had a woman flirting with your man and didn’t take the “hint” from you? How did you take to it? Just wondering….

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:06 am

“Unless you’ve got a guy that’s a proven cheat, most of the times, we don’t notice the chick hitting on us like that.

I notice her interest (and the accompanying ego-boost)”

Um…yeah…those two statements seem rather contradictory. You don’t notice, but you get an “ego boost” from something you didn’t notice?

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:06 am

Black I think the problem comes from when the committed person entertains the flirting and lets it continue. Some will say “they are harmless” or “I’m not paying him/her any attention” Then that is a respect issue. Also, I think people who are unattractive and nut used to people flirting tend to pay more attention to who is flirting. Us sexy people pay it no mind.

I’m on a horse!

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:08 am

Honestly one woman is enough for me to handle why in the hell would I want to entertain another for anything. One woman is a handful, more women more problems.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:08 am

I flirt real hard with my wife and do a boisterous PDA

Purple, now that I do. Not “flirt hard” but I will grab my husband’s hand or arm, or if we are sitting waiting for whatever I will lay my head slightly on his shoulder if I see a man or woman clearly flirting from across the room or looking in our direction way too long and too many times. It just simply says “I’m with him”.

And I do know that I have received fanny pat or been pulled closer for reasons other than he just likes the way I smell. LOL

I have playfully even pointed out to the hub when a woman was checking him out.

I remember one time we had gone out to dinner and were waiting to be seated. This lady kept looking in our direction and eventually made her way over to ask HIM for the time. See that’s a heifer move right there. But when she came over and asked for the time he asked me give her the time.

I could have really let her know what time it is but that’s not my style. LOL

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:10 am

{{clap, clap, clapping for you kelliebean}}!!

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:10 am

Raqi, :) I have no problem marking my territory or letting another woman I am marked. LOL

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:10 am

LMAO – you haven’t been on a horse in a while. Isn’t Fred a horse?

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:11 am

@kelliebean ~ Your moniker is close to my last name, and I have to be careful not to type my name instead of yours…it’s a constant struggle (LOL).

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:12 am

kellibean so you think he did those actions only because he knew how your ex man did you? That would mean that his actions did not start until you told him about what your ex man did to you and before you told him everything was fine. Don’t blame the new guy for the old guys stuff and if the new guys does the same thing the old guy did well the challenge is something with you.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 18th, 2011
11:14 am

DreamsMat, woman know when another woman is flirting. We know because we recognize our own tactics when we see it.
Raqi Yeah yeah yeah, I know. You don’t know how many times I’ve heard this. lol

“I saw her touch your arm”

“I’m not giving that b*_tch a tip to flirt with my man, and you better not tip her either”

“Oh it was just coincidence that she dropped her notepad and had to pick it up in front of you right”

“I don’t care if she sells cologne in the men’s section. She doesn’t have to tell you what kind of cologne she likes. Who gives a f*$%ch what she likes?”

I’ve heard it all. lol

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:14 am

SexyCool, LOL Fred is a pony. My horse is a horse it has no name but ummm “horse”

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:16 am

Touching arms? I don’t like anyone to touch me ever thats a violation of personal space(unless it’s family), if it were someone flirting or not they would know not to touch me again. LOL

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:16 am

Me, never had that happen to where he didn’t shut it down or the woman backed off from my look at her.

If a woman gets that aggressive and my man does nothing to stop it my issue will be with him and not her. He cannot control who flirts with him but he can put her in her place when it needs to be done.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:16 am

@Me ~ you sound a little relieved that you’re finally taking these steps. You sound like I did when I recognized what needed to be done. No bitterness, no regret, just wanted to get on with life with or without someone who cares for you.

But, let me ask you this. Do you remember her exact words when you asked for the separation and the tone in which they were delivered?

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 18th, 2011
11:17 am

@SC

I notice the attention, not the woman. (Incongruency solved, I hope)

My lady is the only woman I have eyes for. Now other body parts may not concur (and I’m strictly referencing hormones)…but she’s the only one.

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:18 am

♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪I’ve been to the desert on a horse with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain…♪♫•*¨*•.¸¸♥¸¸.•*¨*•♫♪

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:19 am

If someone sees a weakness they will try and exploit it, carry yourself strong in love. Guys know when there is an opening and they know when there is not one. Why do you think some married men/women get hit on and some do not some times.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:20 am

Even if she is an ugly chick? You wouldn’t notice that if a chick looks like she got kicked in the face by PR’s horse?

Or if she was model perfect? You wouldn’t notice?

Surely, you would notice. You may not react…or be interested or even respond. But notice….surely, you would notice.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:20 am

Purple, “touching arms” is at the top of list of tactics women use to flirt.

While its his responsibility to not let it continue, my motto is “you touch my man, my fist gone touch your face”. Just kidding but only a little.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
11:20 am

SWISS…. :lol: you ole freak!

“Us sexy people pay it no mind. ”
PURPLE…. :lol: you are so crazy! I had a friend who thought any guy (even the ones I was dating)gave a her compliment, like saying she looked nice. This trick immediately thought he was flriting and that he wanted her. :roll: She was over-confident! :lol: It ain’t that serious!

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:21 am

@PR ~ my friends would laugh at me when we would hang out and a guy would touch me. I would always say “you don’t know me and I don’t know you so please don’t touch me!” Didn’t like strangers stroking my arm or reaching out to stroke my back. Often times I so wanted to bite the tips of their fingers.

@BMW ~ do you get that a lot? It was ad nauseam when I first arrived in the ATL.

kellibean

February 18th, 2011
11:22 am

@Leggs…Thank you!

@Purple…After I went a little crazy on the current BF for things he didn’t see as wrong, I explained to him about what the ex did to me and that I’ve always been insecure. (This was early in the relationship.) My BF doesn’t blatently flirt…he’s just sometimes oblivious. Again…he’s a musician and is used to doing that from the stage. I’ve just had to teach him what is ok and what is not ok when he’s off the stage. We have both changed a lot and grown over the past year. He means well…he’s just clueless sometimes! I just have to give him a little slap on the wrist and explain why I get jealous over some things. :-)

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:22 am

@SexyC ~ you beat me to the punch!!!!!

For Real

February 18th, 2011
11:27 am

On topic: For Real now standing over Slim in his B-boy stance wondering why ole boy gave Slim a Subway coupon or a free regular 6-inch sub???????? For Real now raising his leg to mark his territory (Slim).

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:28 am

I know I notice women. LOL

kellibean, work it out :)

Leggs, I had women try and touch me a lot when I lived down there. I did not like that.

Black, she sounds like one of those women you hold the door open for and she looks at you like you are about to ask her for her telephone numbers.

Raqi, I understand what you are saying. I don’t mind if a guy or in Atlanta guys and gals look at my wife I know she is mine but if one tried to approach I would step in.

SexyCool how did you know my horse kicked ugly women in the face. Next time you see him do that pat him on the head for me and tell him “Good Job” lol

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:29 am

kelliebean I would imagine dating a musician would be hard on a woman, because most have groupies. It would take a woman with great self esteem and confidence to be in that type of relationship IMO.

Me

February 18th, 2011
11:30 am

Leggs, I sure do. She first got mad and say “I never saw this coming.”, then a little crying, but we had been at this juncture before when I asked her about it. Same thing happened, but the behavior continued. Then she said that I wanted too much out of marraige. I gathered up some things and left, but she has called a time or two. Deep down I want to work it out, but it seems to be a repeating record. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:33 am

Me, do you fault her for everything? What and where is your accountability in the marriage and it’s shortcomings? Always good to look at yourself before you look at someone else.

kellibean

February 18th, 2011
11:33 am

@Purple…it is very difficult to see the women fawn over my man while he’s performing. But…he comes to me during the breaks. I had such a hard time at first, but I’ve adapted to it. If a woman goes too far, I have no problem stepping in making sure she knows he is mine!!! Also, it helps that he sings in my direction and even replaces my name with names in songs sometimes. Most people can tell we are together and to not bother trying! Now…when he reaches the point where he’s travelling to different cities, I may have a hard time since I’m not there to see it. Hopefully, when that point comes, I’ll be even more confident.

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:33 am

Didn’t like strangers stroking my arm or reaching out to stroke my back.

Leggs, exactly. Especially when my man and I use those same moves to get each other’s attention. Me stroking his arm is my way of saying “hi handsome”. Him stroking my back says “I want to do delightful things to you” LOL

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:34 am

Me – sounds like she wants the security and convenience of being married to you with none of the responsibility.

I just said to one of my gfs the other day, “Do you really think you can go on your job, day in and day out, and do no work? Just show up? And expect to keep your job? Naw, you have to work to keep your job. Why do you think that you wouldn’t have to work to keep your relationship?”

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:35 am

Me, I just read your last comment to Leggs. If you don’t mind, so I don’t have to go back to the first page and read, please give me a quick rundown on what happened with your wife and is happening now.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:36 am

PR – I like that question. Me, what have you done wrong? Where do you fall short? I would think that if we are really in a place of enlightment, we are able to see (at least some of) our shortcomings.

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
11:36 am

LEGGS….girl tell me about it! :lol:

PURPLE….oh she was a hot mess. I evetually had to cut her off for many reasons. But the main one was that she annoyed me and she wore man desperation like a cheap a$$ perfume. Every guy wanted her, because she was that chick! (Insert sarcasm here) :roll: :lol:

ME…time waist for no man/woman…so why should you? Keep moving forward! Sounds like she wants the convenience of a marriage but with none of the work of keeping it going.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:36 am

SexyCool, 11:34 (thumbs up)

BlackMagicWoman

February 18th, 2011
11:38 am

I meant, “time WAITS for no man/woman”. I had a brain fart! :lol:

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:40 am

SexyCool, I like that question. I love using work relationships to get points across about intimate relationships. Folks seem to love their jobs and now the right things to do and not do to keep it. And are more willing to give to and accept from the job allowances they withhold from their mates.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:41 am

Black, time dwindles and waists grow

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:41 am

Yeah…me no likey strange folk touching me either.

At my little part time gig that I work at GA Dome events, one of the vendors was taking the flirting too far. I politely asked him to step to the side and said, “Look. At first, your little invitations to lunch were *kinda* cute. And I was trying to blow you off in a nice way. But I have made it clear to you on more than one occasion that I am happy in my relationship. You are now crossing the line into disrespect and it’s bordering on harassment. Now, let’s just go with a friendly working relationship and let all this other mess lie where it fell.”

Needless to say, that sobered him up a bit and I haven’t have a problem with him since then.

SexyCool

February 18th, 2011
11:43 am

BMW – for some reason…she sounds familiar. (And that’s all I’m gone say about that.) (lol)

TenderRoni

February 18th, 2011
11:46 am

Isn’t Me the guy his wife wasn’t givin it up to him, from the other day.

He was doing everything he could to get his wife to drop the draws.

Me

February 18th, 2011
11:47 am

Raq, I told her that all fall I had been asking what was going with her and if it was anything I had been doing, wasn;t doing ot doing too much of and she had told me that nothing was wrong and that everything was fine, that it was normal to not have all the “oomph” that we did earlier. I told her two days ago that I was not alright with the way things were and voiced my resaons, she got mad and said that I wanted too much out of marraige and then I said that I wanted a seperation to think about where I go from here. But as it sat right now, I couldn’t and wouldn’t live like this. She started crying and all, but we had been at this juncture before and nothing had changed. I gathered some of my things and left. She’s called a time or two and left a message, but I haven’t returned her call.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:49 am

Me, moving out was the worse thing you could have done if you ever plan on going back IMO

For Real

February 18th, 2011
11:50 am

SexyCool: Look. At first, your little invitations to lunch were *kinda* cute. And I was trying to blow you off in a nice way. But I have made it clear to you on more than one occasion that I am happy in my relationship. You are now crossing the line into disrespect and it’s bordering on harassment. Now, let’s just go with a friendly working relationship and let all this other mess lie where it fell.

For Real: Okay sooooo, you don’t want this candy I have in my pocket?

Leggs

February 18th, 2011
11:50 am

@Me ~ your post reminded me of a book called “The Whipping Boy” that I read many moons ago, but have never forgotten. I felt sorry for the boy in the book, but he prevailed much like you. For her to say “she didn’t see this coming” is a ploy. She needs to “act” like she’s a deer caught in the headlights, but she’s playing you. Watch your back at all times (I’m serious)!

Raqi V

February 18th, 2011
11:51 am

Every guy wanted her, because she was that chick!

BlackMagic, one lesson my sister taught me well is “not every man wants a Raqi” and then life confirmed it. LOL

I have been in association with a few women like that. Worked with one that was so oblivious she was the butt of many breakroom jokes with the menfolk.

Purple Rain

February 18th, 2011
11:52 am

Me, when you are ready for some man advice let us know. We won’t steer you wrong. LOL

TenderRoni

February 18th, 2011
11:53 am

@SCool- that 11:34 post was definitely on point, and I think fits Me’s ‘ituation.

Think it through Me, hope everything works out for the best.