Sex as a political weapon?

BigJakeIce

February 16th, 2011
6:47 am

“Does sex really have to be a means to an end?” No, it doesn’t, but it very often is, with either gender involved in that process. Look at the ancient Greek wives who withheld sex until their men settled their war and came home. And how many guys have spent the night on the couch, in the dog house or any other similar arrangement? Was it because of something they did? Likely, but it is still part of that sex negotiation dynamic that does create resentment in a relationship. It is nearly impossible to separate the emotional from the physical – kudos to the “friends with benefits” partners – how’s that actually working for you? Despite the domination by males in power in the world, I think we all know who primarily controls the bedroom activity.

LaKeshia

February 16th, 2011
6:58 am

Get real – there is more than one fish in the sea -

Sid

February 16th, 2011
6:59 am

didn’t make 1st post but I’m the 1st to say “Lysistrata”! (so the prev one[s] don’t count!)

Diva, I’m a 40 yr old married guy but I always enjoy your column! have you ever thought about writing for TheFrisky? you’re right up their alley!

Y'all Are Kids

February 16th, 2011
7:24 am

When I was married, my wife tried that. Thankfully my girlfriend was sympathetic. Ladies, withhold sex at your own risk!

Just Slim

February 16th, 2011
7:58 am

Sex smex….who cares?….thats what self-induce pleasure is for.

DemsDoIt

February 16th, 2011
8:04 am

This trick has been in play in the USA for years. Online adds by liberal groups advocate “girls don’t say yes to guys who vote Republican”. Who has the power there? Are men really so weak in their convictions that sex would cause them to go against their own beliefs? Are women so pathetic that they would stoop to these levels? Sadly the evidence that the answer to both questions is “yes” is online for all to see.

dd

February 16th, 2011
8:05 am

folks who play with fire, often get burned. ask the 50% of marriages who’ve failed…..

dd

February 16th, 2011
8:07 am

and sadly, many women will react to that with “sex isn’t a reason for a relationship to fail”……. couldn’t be more wrong, sorry. If you react that way, you have no idea what is really important to most males.

Ricco

February 16th, 2011
8:16 am

When things are good in a marraige, sex is about 40% of it. When things are bad in a marraige, it’s 90% of the problem.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
8:22 am

LOL In the waning months of my marriage, in the heat of an argument, my ex said something like, “…or I will make you pay…” I just laughed and said, “what are you going to do, cut me off…oh wait, you are already using that one, what else can you take away?” She really got mad becasue she realized she had no more cards to play. Can’t take away what has already gone.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
8:26 am

After I came to ATL, on one job I was working with possibly the prettiest soccer mom OTP. She had called me but got interrupted by another call. She called back a few minutes later and apologized for “cutting me off”. I told her there were many before her and I was used to being “cut off”. Took her a moment to recognize the double meaning. (She was awesome, wonder where she is now…Facebook, help me out here).

Racy

February 16th, 2011
8:27 am

The problem being is that when men date women, it’s sex all the time and most any where. It’s naughty, it’s passionate, it’s imaginative, it’s spontaneous. Then comes the wedding ring and the ceremony. What happens to all of that once the champagne stops flowing? Do women use sex as a trap to get a man (and vice versa, but not so much with the men)? Men begin to think “This woman is smart, pretty, fun to be around and she seems like she likes sex…a LOT. I could spend the rest of my life like this!” Then that libido is replaced by “I had a rough day at work”, “I am so tired”, “I can’t believe this happened today.”, “That’s too nasty/dirty” and the all too familiar “I just don’t think about sex like I used to.” WTH?? Where were all of these excuses when we dated for a year and a half? You were almost “Super Porno Woman” while we dated.

THAT’S why women have the power and use it accordingly. That’s also why 57% of men and 49% of women have an affair at some point in a marraige. Bury your head in the sand, but a good sexual relationship IS important. I just wonder where that mindset goes after the wedding.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
8:31 am

Rodney Dangerfield addressed this one time. He said that he got “no respect from his wife. He said that she had decided to cut him down to once a month…but it could have been worse. He knew seven guys she cut off completely”.

winkasdad29

February 16th, 2011
8:32 am

I’m almost 50, been married twice (the 1st one lasted almost 25 years). Withholding sex to get what you want can and eventually does kill a relationship. It’s about control and manipulation. Instead of addressing the problem together, this type of action makes people angry – especially men. We’re wired to want sex because we’re the hunters.

People, address your relationship issues honestly and in a timely manner. If you don’t then your relationship is doomed to fail – and you have to live with the pain. If you know YOU are the problem, look in the mirror and fix it – before you bring that baggage into another relationship.

Duped

February 16th, 2011
8:37 am

I have been married for 8 years and suddenlyshe quit the the kissing, the holding hands, the snuggling and the sexual enthusiasm after a few years. The finally she left to go on ANOTHER trip with her girlfriends, so I went out on my own. I ran into a group of people with a beautiful woman that was fun, she WANTED to hold my hand, she WANTED to kiss me on the dance floor, we danced and laughed most of the night, she told me that I was the best present of her birthday (she was celebrating it with some friends). She gave me her card and told me to call her if I ever wanted to hang out. But being married (and feeling a little guilty) I threw the card out of my window on the way home, so I wouldn’t be tempted or so it wouldn’t be found. I’m still married, but I have thought about her and that feeling of being wanted again ever since. Men or women, if you withhold, there are plenty from both genders that will pick up the slack whether you are married or not.

winkasdad29

February 16th, 2011
8:40 am

Racy,

You can have a good sexual relationship after the wedding. It’s all about communication and love. Love changes over time. Having kids, career, money, these are all pleasures and stressors in a marriage or committed relationship. “Super Porno Woman” becomes Mom or Career Woman, and her plate becomes fuller, like yours does.

I’d tell Honey or Wifey that sometimes I want her to bring out “Super Porno Woman” from time to time. Of course, her husband or man would need to help create the setting to get the desired result.

Y'all Are Kids

February 16th, 2011
8:43 am

Scientists have discovered a substance that lowers a woman’s sex drive by 80%.

It’s called wedding cake.

Racy

February 16th, 2011
8:52 am

“Love” is overrated, oversold and for women the emotion is duplicated by eating mass quantities chocolate.

winkasdad29

February 16th, 2011
8:53 am

Hey Duped,

And that’s one reason I’m divorced – and married again. I got tired of being romantically and emotionally neglected. My second wife, is (to borrow a quote from a British soccer announcer) “an absolute firecracker”!

IN DENIAL

February 16th, 2011
8:58 am

Withholding sex from your husband will doom your marriage. I didn’t say may for a reason. It’s really a no win situation for a man. You lose if you cave into the manipulation. You lose if you don’t cave in because then she feels you really don’t desire her. The latter will cause more problems for you then the first.

mark

February 16th, 2011
9:06 am

women in atlanta cannot use sex as a weapon because its like 20women to every one man.. so brothas if your lady wants to hold on to the panties go and get some more..trust me its so easy here!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
9:10 am

@ Duped and Winks… Both excellent posts and as your British announcer would say, “spot on”. Been ther done that, got the t-shirts to both posts.

Racy

February 16th, 2011
9:13 am

winkasdad, that sounds good and all, BUT she has the same job as she did when we dated (as do I) and we have no children. Next excuse? I figured she either has met someone, found someone she WANTED to meet or I’m not doing it for her any more. If that is the case, let’s just cut lines and move on with our lives.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
9:14 am

Good morning.

Have spouses withhold sex until a deal is struck. Unless there are cameras in their bedrooms, cheating will occur. Haa haa haaa, cheating with your spouse, what a twist!

Anyway, I think withholding sex in a marriage is a very bad idea. I also feel those women who no longer continue to do what they did while dating are harming their marriage and inadvertently pushing their partner into a possible affair.

Chelle

February 16th, 2011
9:18 am

Can’t believe folks still trying to play the ‘COOCHIE GAME’….SMH

notme

February 16th, 2011
9:18 am

I feel for the men because I know many women that use just this tactic to get what they want. No wonder men are viewed as commitment-phobes. I make sure that my man (we will never get married) has never any reason to go elsewhere. He also makes sure I have no need to look elsewhere, either. He is good to me, does things for me and I go above and beyod to do the same. It doesn’t work like that in every case. If you put your relationship on auto-pilot, then there will be a new stewardess/steward on the plane before long.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
9:18 am

I can’t speak for all marriages, but it is much more in my expereince than just, “I’m tired”, “I’ve had a tough day”, “I’ve got a headache”. In my marriage and I suspect in many/most, women realize and consciously or subconsciously begin to use it as a control tool, as a weapon. Sex IS a powerful weapon because it has such control over men, but women who use that to control men often find out that one day the man says to her, “I have a headache”, “I had a rough day”, “I’m tired and want to go to sleep”.

It is going to sound mean, I know, but one of the bigger milestones in my marriage was when I reached the point of just not caring anymore. At that point her (fill in the anatomical part) no longer had control of me. As Rhett said, “frankly my dear, I don’t give a dayum”. I no longer cared. Independence Day.

Heart&Soul

February 16th, 2011
9:20 am

Good Morning All!

Winkasdad29..your 8:40a post I totally agree with as one person in a marriage can’t make it successful because it is a partnership that involves the both of you. You can’t expect for anyone to transform into something when you’re not doing your part to create the atmosphere or alleviate matters that may be causing tension within the union. Marriage is a beautiful thing when there is communication which plays an important role in any kind of relationship.

On Topic: Do you think it’s a viable solution to a couple’s problems, though? No, if there are issues that haven’t been addressed then it’s one of those going through the motion sessions, and when it’s over the problems still exist. Although, s.e.x is an important factor in a relationship…it isn’t the cure all solution.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
9:54 am

For those who consider having affair, Jesus said “everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Ex. 20:14; Matthew 5:27-28)

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
9:58 am

I’m not married so I really can’t respond, but I have been in a committed relationship and I have yet had to use withholding as a method control. Because you can’t control another person, and you can’t change a man. Its about communication.

It sounds like a lot of uncommunicated feelings, bitterness and resentment in these relationships.

Sometimes you have to be the change, you want to see!

notme

February 16th, 2011
10:08 am

It’s a double edged sword, really. Men and women shouldn’t cheat. It’s wrong and dishonest and you probably won’t ever get the trust back if you get caught. Then again, this is reality. Most men and a lot of women have a strong drive for sexual relations. It makes them feel connected, desired, wanted, needed. If you think that either gender is just going to get by with just “putting in your time (it’s SO obvious when you do that)” and go with the “you should stay with me no matter what I do (or don’t do), say or look like”, YOU mu friend are living in a fantasy world and will be dealt a blow from the reality stick somewhere down the road. You can either bury your head in the sand or pay attention and do something about it. I do the latter.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
10:09 am

Hey TenderRoni, how you be?

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
10:11 am

Do you think that how much we value sex has changed?
NO. Things are as they have always been since the beginning of time.

I’ve heard men say that single women have “power” and can use sexual leverage in dating but what kind of impact does that really have on dating relationships?
This happens continually in our lives, even when we don’t realize it. Would guys go out and buy the hottest car if no woman would look? Shoot if you all unanimously decided to only date guys with college degrees, bald heads, gator shoes, and top hats, then college enrollment would soar, barber shops would see more business than ever before, alligators would be near extinction, and top hats would come back in style. Why is that? Answer: The Coochie.

Sadly the evidence that the answer to both questions is “yes” is online for all to see.

Rachel

February 16th, 2011
10:13 am

“A relationship is like a flower garden. It needs daily attention, caring nurturing and different plants need different things to grow. If you neglect it, it will die and you will have only yourself to blame. Just because you watered it two weeks ago means very little today.” -Dr. Anna Kaye

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 16th, 2011
10:16 am

@ Randy… Ah, I miss Rodney Dangerfield… classic…

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
10:17 am

Hi ya Ms. Leggs. I’m great. How YOU doin?

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 16th, 2011
10:22 am

On topic: Spouse sex strike as political pressure would never work in this country… Now sex strikes by interns, congressional pages, gay meth dealers & random dudes in airport bathrooms might have some impact…

Y'all Are Kids

February 16th, 2011
10:23 am

Leggs, did Jesus say that, or Matthew?

Wasn’t it President Clinton that said, “I did not have sex with that woman?”
Do you think Hillary may have been holding out on him?

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
10:23 am

I’m cool, just like the other side of the pillow (lol). I’m also in a silly mood this morning.

FreeMe

February 16th, 2011
10:25 am

DreamsMaterialize, you are so right. Men work out, take care of themselves, by nice clothes, etc. to look attractive, feel confident and hopefully attract the opposite sex. Women, do the same, wear sexy clothes and look desireable for the men. It’s been that way since the dawn of time. I find it humorous that some people try and lay down this philosophical meaning of “deeper” and “more profound” when describing this. Eventually, it does, but initially, it’s the physical attraction. The problem is that once the relationship becomes “secure” some people stop the dating attitude, let themselves go and don’t try and stay attractive emotionally or physically. Simply put, sex and sexual relations, being desireable, being wanted have stood the test of time. It never changes and it won’t change, just because you think it’s “shallow”.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
10:26 am

@Leggs, thats good to hear, better than yesterday.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
10:27 am

@Y’all ~ hmmmm, interesting…the book I took this from says Jesus said it and Matthew said it.

Y'all Are Kids

February 16th, 2011
10:29 am

Leggs,
Well, it better not be true, or at least have exceptions for eating lunch in the food court in the mall…Cause I’m looking until I get caught!

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
10:30 am

OK…Moral of todays story…

COOCHIE IS THE KING!!!! and Any attemp to withhold the coochie will result in armed revolt!!! ( or hooking up with that hot Pakastani chick that works at Your Dekalb Farmers Market!!!)

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
10:30 am

I was about to write something dirty but ol’ Leggs invited Jesus to the party!!!

Y'all Are Kids

February 16th, 2011
10:31 am

SM, Wouldn’t that be queen?

And no one has heard the expression, “If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Whattaya think that means?

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
10:34 am

Yes, TenderRoni ~ perhaps I’m experiencing severe mood swings. You know I’m menopausal so there’s no telling. Overall, I’m usually very chipper.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
10:37 am

@Da_Man ~ I laughed so hard I snorted just as my boss was walking out his office.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
10:38 am

I take offense to “ol’ Leggs” while I’m stating I’m menopausal (LOLOLOLO)!!

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
10:40 am

Ladies witholding sex only increase cheating, divorce, & “self-love” … an extra 5 mins in the shower does wonders!

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
10:46 am

Where are the other ladys this morning?

Ok, for the men posting this morning, when was the last time you asked wifey what can you do to get her turned on? Or showed her a gesture just because? Or even just simply asked what she was thinking about/whats on your mind? (besides Valentines day)

Or are you just coming home getting on the computer, playing vidoes game, watching t.v. with your hand down your pants. And we are suppose to get turned by this!!!

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
10:47 am

Sex as a weapon? Realistically, as long as sex is valued (as it should be), it will be of value and/or has power. And ANYthing that is of value and/or has power is subject to misused and abused, by some, to the detriment of others.

I happen to believe that *weapons* have no place in my relationships as weapons are intended for harm, not good.

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
10:48 am

Morning Gang!

It’s never a good idea to withhold affection. And it’s not always the ladies that put on the lockdown. You would be surprised how many men do it. I had a guy I dated do it to me, use his stuff as a weapon. I felt bad and undesireable. I remember he was in DC on business for a project for a few months. I went up to see him and he was flaking on me. The minute I got off that plane back in Atlanta I called an FWB. That really was the beginning of the end of our relationship too.

Leggs/others – Did you hear Michael Baisden the other day when they were talking about marriages with no intimacy? This lady called in and said her hubby had not touched her for over 5 years. Michael heard a baby crying in the background so he asked her was that her baby and if so how did she get pregnant if her & hubby weren’t doing anything. She said they had always said they wanted kids, but he refused to touch her so she got artificially inseminated!

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
10:51 am

@kimmie ~ no, I hadn’t heard that one WOW, no matter how you slice it, WOW!

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
10:51 am

O/T – Listening to Darius Rucker on GrooveShark.com – I heart that dude.

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
10:52 am

Leggs – She said she was ready to leave. I don’t see how she hung around that long.

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
10:54 am

“coming home getting on the computer, playing vidoes game, watching t.v. with your hand down your pants”

I assure you, that if you replace his hand with yours, your sex life will get better!!!

Y'all Are Kids

February 16th, 2011
10:55 am

TenderRoni – To answer your question – Daily

I play video games and sit on the couch nekkid – Works everytime.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
10:55 am

A friend of mine who is married, said it becomes a ‘tit for tat thing’. You won’t give me what I want, I won’t give you want you want. She said once you get on that, its a spirall out of control cycle.

Sounds like stubborness with no communication to me.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
10:55 am

PHOENIX — Phoenix police say they removed a gun from the home of actor Frankie Muniz after a domestic dispute with his girlfriend. A police report says Elycia Turnbow claims Muniz pulled out a gun and held it against his head last Friday night after the two were arguing about prior relationships.

See, ↑ that’s why it doesn’t make any sense to go into detail about prior SO’s!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
10:59 am

@ Tenderoni…good post. No question that both have to introduce intimacy and romance in to the relationship. Where this is most important is being willing to recognize and add it anyway when the other person is too drained. That takes love and commitment…and a willingness on the part of both to do their fair share when they are able.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
10:59 am

I’m sorry Leggs, meant no harm with the “ol’ Leggs” but that was a church motherboard move …

AmazonRed™ - XOXO

February 16th, 2011
11:00 am

Morning all -

I’ll just lurk on this one. In all my relationships, sex has never been the problem…and they haven’t lasted long enough for me to even use withholding of sex as a weapon or bargaining tool!

AmazonRed™ - XOXO

February 16th, 2011
11:02 am

I’ve heard men say that single women have “power” and can use sexual leverage in dating but what kind of impact does that really have on dating relationships?

I do agree with this. But I also know it’s hard to use it as a power tool when you really like someone and feel ready to take that step!

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
11:04 am

@Da_Man ~ I wasn’t offended at all.

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
11:04 am

Good day.

I dont think it is right that people use this as a weapon. First, a guy especially a single guy should not get bent out of shape because a woman is using this as a weapon. If you get bent out of shape, you are giving her the impression that she has something that you want which means she can manipulate you more easily, and you just end up being a hen pecked man basically.

Guys have to remember that the physical is just entertainment. Its the same as going to movies, an amusement park, or Las Vegas. Just something you do. Its the connection with the person on other levels that makes the physical more valuable.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
11:05 am

@ Tenderoni…where it spirals out of control is when one expects the other to meet his/her needs, both romantic and physical, but thinks they do not have to reciprocate. When one does all the giving, again whether romantic or whatever, then sooner or later the one with the short end will start getting resentful. I know too well.

Then you eventually get in to the “aural sex” stage of a relationship where the communications follows this model…when you pass in the hall and one say “f… you”, and the other replies “f… you too”.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
11:05 am

WTF!!! Kimmie what sre you smoking & why you not sharing???

“And it’s not always the ladies that put on the lockdown. You would be surprised how many men do it.”

When the last time a man held off on you (or any women) … unless there was something fishy going on???

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
11:08 am

@ Da_Man …it happens when the man gets so po’ed at the lady he wants to make a point (then hides in the bathroom with his Penthouse, LOL).

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
11:08 am

@Randyt- a man who gets it!

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
11:09 am

@kimmie

I know what you are talking about. They did an article on yahoo relationships a couple years ago discussing that. The idea is that the couple wants to connect more on a friendship and mental level. How many of us can deal with this?!

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
11:10 am

Women … right now, Stop trying to speak or think for a man.

“Guys have to remember that the physical is just entertainment. Its the same as going to movies, an amusement park, or Las Vegas”

B.S. – Sex is a necessity like paying the power bill to keep the lights on.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
11:11 am

“something fishy” like Chlamydia??? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist).

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
11:15 am

Leggs that’s nasty!!! quit with details, turning my stomach!

AmazonRed™ - XOXO

February 16th, 2011
11:16 am

“Belgian politicians have failed for eight months to form a government, and one senator has a unique solution: Have spouses withhold sex until a deal is struck.”

That’s a dumb suggestion in politics. Politicians have mistresses!

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
11:16 am

Da Man – Absolutely something fishy! That’s why I left him swimming alone! Just didn’t make sense, a grown healthy man! And while I know I’m not perfect, Randy, I had not done anything to tee this man off. We weren’t arguing, not mad at each other, nothing. Though thinking back on it, his mother told me he had started drinking heavily. When I thought back, during that weeklong visit, every day he would make him a PITCHER of martini and drink the entire thing by himself. Maybe that had something to do with it, I don’t know.

M – I could not deal with it. I got plenty friends already, I need a man that wants to connect on EVERY level!

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
11:18 am

Da Man – M(dot) is a dude.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
11:19 am

@ Tender… re: “@Randyt- a man who gets it!”

Lets just say I have had probably much more time than most on this blog to relfect on my own “errors in judgement”. As I have said before here, I’m not here because I have done it all right but because i have probably made every mistake known to man, and invented a few that even had God shaking his head and saying “where the hellz did THAT come from”.

Just learn from my own mistakes.

Heart&Soul

February 16th, 2011
11:20 am

@Leggs “something fishy” like Chlamydia??? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist)…LOL

Sorry Da_Man You stepped right into that hole! Do you need an Alka Seltzer or ginger ale to settle your stomach?

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
11:22 am

@ Leggs…are you suggesting something like “the outhouse door on a tuna boat”?

Scarrrrrry.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
11:23 am

@Heart&Soul ~ thank you, I thought it funny and quite clever (lol).

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
11:24 am

Good one, RandyT!

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
11:26 am

Morning,

Why can’t we be at odds and like with anything else in like keep it going. I ain’t gonna lie, I done the do while mad at SO. Now it won’t be all sensual and a love making session but I can get my needs met and continue my issue. If nothing else, we gonna talk about it.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
11:26 am

kimmie So dude had a whole pitcher of libation and still didn’t want to get next to you? Sounds a bit gay to me. Some of my longest and strongest have been after indulging in the happy water.

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
11:28 am

Excuse my typos…I’m enroute and typing from my phone

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
11:28 am

@Kimmie

I feel you. I am going to try to find that article for you. I think it was from 2007. Its a growing trend but I think people want to justify not doing all the duties that come along with being married.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
11:29 am

@Randyt- i appreciate your insight posts.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
11:29 am

I’m Sorry M(dot) … but you’re cutting real close to getting a “Man-card” suspension.

Truth

February 16th, 2011
11:31 am

“A woman needs a REASON to have sex. A man just needs a PLACE!” -Billy Crystal

Women need to feel connected to have sex…or is that only true when you’re married?I’m iIn my forties,, women are ready to run the race after a couple of hours of laughing and dancing. They look beautiful, we get together and then find out that they are also pretty cool ladies and lots of fun out of the bedroom as well. But if they start withholding, I jerk up the emergency break and leave tire marks in the other direction.

I swear to you on every book you can bring to me…..that wedding ring is the dagger in a relationship. It breeds complacience, intolerance and putting the relationship on auto-pilot. You’ve run the race and crossed the finish line. Thanks…but no thanks.

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
11:31 am

@Da_Man!

Hold up what are you talking about? Do you have a problem with something I said?

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
11:34 am

Dreams – Some guys are just the opposite when they are drunk. The mind is willing but the body isn’t. He can’t rise to the occasion. My first serious boyfriend was like that when he drank alot.

No, this guy was the type to withhold any & all affection to try to prove a point. He liked to try to keep me on edge and guessing. I don’t do drama well, so that’s why he got kicked to the curb!

Me

February 16th, 2011
11:35 am

Why is it that after getting married, you have to “make love” from then on? Sometimes, I don’t want to “make love”. I want you to rip my clothes off, tell me to rip your clothes off and bounce all over the living room like monkeys in heat? There is a difference between “making love” and “having sex”. Sometimes I don’t want you to be soft and cuddly, whispering loving comments in my ear. Sometimes I want to be outright OFFENDED by your behavior. I mean that in the most affectionate way….

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
11:36 am

@Me – the freak is strong with you. (lol)

(whispering) – I can relate.

Tancred

February 16th, 2011
11:39 am

Women are always using sex as both a trap and as a tool for manipulation. That’s what they are programmed to do. But ugly women don’t have the same advantage because no men really pursue them. Attractive women are treated a certain way from childhood. They know their rank on the sex-appeal scale at an early age and take full advantage. That is why attractive women are more superficial and tacky. Just look at academia. I could count on one hand the number of truly attractive women that were professors in my long experience in that arena. Most are homely. That’s why that song was written:

“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife.”

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
11:40 am

@Me ~ I sincerely hope most marriages have both components. That missionary “marriage” style is boring! You are on point!

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
11:41 am

“Some of my longest and strongest have been after indulging in the happy water. ”
DREAMS…..you know Mardi Gras and St. Patty’s is coming up!

On topic….sine I am not married or have kids I can only speak form the single and free perspective. I do think some women pretend to be Supa-p0rn-ho in order to get a man because let’s face it…men have sex on the brain 90% or more of the day. So this goes back to yesterday when I said I refuse to be anything but the real me from the getty up. It takes too much energy to be any other. There have been times where in the begining, I was a horndog. After a few months..it slacked off because honestly…his novelty wore off. The same way men claim they get tired of the same coochie…well the same ole sausage doesn’t exactly make us girls fart rainbows! Not to mention…guys you do the old bait and switch as well. You start off by taking us out, doing romantic things like calling just to say hi, etc. After a while, the calls because texts…then nothing at all. Your idea of a date night is bringing a movie over and “chillin” then expecting sex. Dude…I’m better off NOT having sex with you. Hell you treated me better when you were trying to get the panties. Well since you like the coochie-on-a-string…let’s play that game where as soon as you get close I yank that string and keep you chasing it?!?

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
11:43 am

kimmie, I would say your guy had moved on-to (pun intended) someone else. You probably did exactly what he wanted you to do.

Good late morning.

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
11:46 am

Did da man run off and hide? Its funny because he has a new screen name but he is not new. He may be some internet troll. Well give him a message….I have not roasted anyone in a while…;) (loading the canon)

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
11:48 am

Tancred,

“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife.”

You know what the next line in that song is????

“Now look what you have did??? You went and made some UGLY KIDS”!!!

LOL

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
11:49 am

IMO sex has value and will always have power. That’s why at least 2 mornings out of the week we hear of some dude being in the lock up or being looked for due some woman’s death.

And it only has as much power over you as you give it.

Anyone woman that uses sex as a tool of manipulation is a straight out b1tch. Yes I have been a b1tch in my past. And any man that expects sex, sex, sex and he is falling short on his end is an arsewipe.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
11:50 am

@Me- lol, just keep it real. My ex said the same to me, well not in those exact words.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
11:50 am

BMW ~ I liked “rainbow fart”…very colorful!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
11:51 am

He liked to try to keep me on edge and guessing.
kimmie Sounds like he had some insecurity issues. Oh well, his loss.

DREAMS…..you know Mardi Gras and St. Patty’s is coming up!
BMW Don’t play with me…fo’ you find yourself tag teamed by me and this Don Julio. I’m from Beantown, home of the Irish…you become a drinker by osmosis. lol Whew and I had some good times in NOLA for Mardi Gras and Bayou Classic.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
11:54 am

Aw Sh!t … gotta put my Bullet proof vest on …

M(dot) – I don’t have an issue with what you said. I just disagree on looking at sex as amusement, Trip to Vegas, etc. My thought is we NEED sex. Nothing extremely drastic If we never make it to Vegas in our lifetime.

Me

February 16th, 2011
11:55 am

I asked my wife if we could role play, go to a bar and pick each other up, go to a hotel and cause a disturbance. All I got was “Oh good grief……” We used to watch the occassional porno when we dated, did the deed in public parks, restaurant parking lots (at lunch time) and once she even left a pair of her panties on my steering wheel with a note saying “Come straight to my house when you get off.”

Now, it’s once every two weeks, missionary, for no longer than 7 minutes and making noise is not allowed. Is it still frowned upon to call in a “relief pitcher” at this point in the game?

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
11:57 am

Celisea – I know we don’t know each other like that, but based on your 11:26 post … WILL YOU MARRY ME!!!

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
12:00 pm

Dreams – Thank you!

Raqi – You know what? Knowing him, he might have had someone else and he may not have. He used to do off-the-wall stuff like that, really, to keep me on edge. He would do stuff just to try & get a rise out of me. Sometimes it was borderline humiliating. Most of the time, I would react very cool & nonchalant. That would kill him. That last hold-out was the last straw though. From his reaction, I don’t think he was expecting me to just leave, but I did.

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
12:04 pm

Da_Man – You’re feeling some kind of way today? lol

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:05 pm

Me, are you doing your part outside of just getting horny and hard to make her want to jump your bones (pun.intended) or have sex with you? Do you two share intimate moments outside of the bedroom ever?

Yeah having a surprise waiting for me under the covers is okay sometimes but women need to be courted. Yes by our husbands. We need intimacy and occasional romance. Heck we need you to help around the house sometimes so we will have the energy and volition to sex you.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:07 pm

Me – do you have children?

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
12:08 pm

@Celisea – Nah … but that post was just perfect. So much so, I have to re-post it –

“Why can’t we be at odds and like with anything else in like keep it going. I ain’t gonna lie, I done the do while mad at SO. Now it won’t be all sensual and a love making session but I can get my needs met and continue my issue. If nothing else, we gonna talk about it.”

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:09 pm

And ME don’t be mistaken I have been “taken” many times and look forward to the next. But just day-to-day everyday living, a man swiffering the hall hardwood is one of the sexiest sights to see. LOL

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
12:13 pm

DREAMS…you know I am lover of some booze on the weekend! You have seen my FB man…my crew and I go hard for Mardi Gras (down on Bourbon St.), St. Patty’s (Savannah), Halloween (3 parties & costumes minimum), Christmas (costumes…yes I said it), Memorial weekend (Carnival)…well you get the picture. This NY’er is a drinker by blood!

ME…sounds like a song to me. Ever heard of BB King? “The Thrill is Gone”! Question…do you still look as good as when she married you? You didn’t go develop the 3rd trimester gut did you? I’m telling you….it could me the attraction is gone. Or are you a slefish lover when she no longer enjoyed sex because she got nothing from it. Just because you “arrive” doesn’t mean she does! I know when that happened to me…when sex felt like a bloody chore….I checked out mentally/emotionally. Then finally I physically checked out.

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:13 pm

We have no children left in the house, I do 70% of the laundry, 90% of the dishes (washing, loading and unloading), I cook, give the best foot massage and back massage that you don’t have to spend money on and work full time. OK, OK….I don’t like to watch chick flicks….big X next to my name. I’m just more spontaneous and love physical contact, work out 5 days a week. Fertheluvagawd, I just want to know what it’s like to make out again. Oh well……..*sigh

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:15 pm

BMW, I’m 6′4, 220, work out 5 days a week, run three times a week and wear size 35 waist jeans. I try and do the best with what my momma gave me…lol

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
12:15 pm

Da_Man – LOL you silly

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:15 pm

Well dern…Me…if I didn’t already have TheDude, I may be proposing marriage like Da_Man. (lol)

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:16 pm

To give the men some credit here I will say that I had to learn that a man wants to be desired by his woman. You grow up thinking all men want is sex and they will get it by whatever means. But the menfolk, some of them, do want to feel wanted.

My hub and I were just having a casual conversation one day when he said that he likes that I like to have sex with him. I wasn’t expecting to hear that from him. I mean yeah we love each other and all and have so far had a good intimate relationship. But the fact that someone likes to have sex with you over and above just wanting to have sex and fulfill a need is something to be desired.

(I hope this came across as I intended)

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:21 pm

BlackMagic, exactly. No woman wants some smelling sweating snorting pig of a man riding her. Is he keeping himself up is the question of the afternoon.

Or is he doing nice things for her as he did when they were dating. See some men think once the ink dries on the license they can stop wooing the wife but wants her to still be swing from the chandelier onto his richard. It don’t work like that.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
12:23 pm

ME…well alright now! That’s what I’m talking about. Not to be nosey…are you handling your business financially? I think we discussed this last week (Right RAQI) where I said if we are freaking out every time we heard a vehicle coming down the street because we think it’s the repo man coming for our cars….and if we are in the dark not because we ater trying to be romantically candlelit…but because the power company shut us off….that will make a woman lose the respect for you. Then you will start to hear what I like to call. “Sex-cuses”. “I’ve got cramps. My face hurts”. My hair hurts”, etc…..

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:26 pm

Me, no kids left in the house? Do you take your wife out? You know date her? When is the last time you took her dancing? (that is if she likes to dance) What about bowling? She will love getting a front seat view of your hinny if you are as in shape as you say.

If you are doing all that you say, (house work, dishes, massages) and she still don’t desire you as she did before there is something definitely wrong. Or not right. Ask her.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:28 pm

I hope you realize why we are asking all of these questions. Although – it does kinda make it sound like “conditions must be perfect for sex to be in your forecast.”

My next question would be – Have you actually ASKED her about her obvious change in sexual habits? Is there a physical cause? Is there a mental cause? Is there a psychological cause? Could she be harboring some resentment from some slight / past issue – whether it be real or imagined?

But really, it just goes to show that the things that can affect sexual relationships vary far and wide. And even then sometimes, you may never know. It could be that this particular relationship has run its course.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:30 pm

And then too…she could just be a bytch.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:30 pm

BlackMagic, exactly. Worrying brings on droughts.

And Me it may be something you are doing sexually that she does not like. Maybe you are too rough. Heck our bodies change and we have to change-up with it.

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:30 pm

Finances are in order. Held the same hob for 8 years. How about cooking dinner for her? Massaging her neck? There is really nothing I wouldn’t do to set the mood or relax her. She was a dynamo when we dated and the first 2-3 years of marraige. I get the “I don’t think about sex like I used to” excuse, “This is normal, just ask my friends!” or “Well, we just did it last Thursday!”. I’ve just decided that most men are in the same boat as I am…that it’s nothing out of the ordinary in a marraige. I’ve had a few offers to stray, but I felt guilty. But that feeling is fading…..

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
12:32 pm

“See some men think once the ink dries on the license they can stop wooing the wife but wants her to still be swing from the chandelier onto his richard.”

RAQI…if that ain’t the truth. I tell you…I don’t ever want to marry. It seems like more work for the wife. Men think…hmmm let me bring home a good paycheck and do some yard work and I’m chillin’. No sucka…when you go outside, do you go out naked? NOPE…wash your own damn clothes! You hungry? Me too….instead of complaining, go cook. Um…your baby’s crying, I suggest you go check on her. Oh yeah, the older kid needs cupcakes for tomorrow for his 3rd grade V-day party…so while you are making dinner kindly pop some in the oven. Thanks. Oh and while they are baking…he needs you to check his homework. I know you just worked an 8 hour day….me too! And when you are all done, and I am well rested because I came home and chilled and ate the lovely dinner you made. Now I want you to come in the bedroom and be King Ding-a-ling and make me sweat out my hair! Wait…what’chu mean by you are tired? Come on man…you are not supposed to deny your spouse sex. I’m sexually frustrated. The world has stopped turning…waaaaa waaaaa!

See how that sounds?

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:32 pm

SextCool, you hit it right on the head…things have to be perfect for her to want to.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
12:37 pm

@Me – I feel for you … hope you can find out what’s really going on & resolve the issues. If all your attempts have been exhausted … you can always add 5 minutes extra to that shower time. I’m telling you dude, it works WONDERS!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:38 pm

Although – it does kinda make it sound like “conditions must be perfect for sex to be in your forecast.”

SexyCool, true but that condition can very well be that he doesn’t look at like he used to. It could be where he thinks he is pulling his weight to her he is not.

And yeah it could have run its course and she could very well just be a b1tch. But I wonder how long did he allow it to go untouched before he decided he now wants to do something about it.

My ex-s-i-l told me that she and her husband went so long without that the one time he tried last year she had no more feeling for him.

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:43 pm

DaMan…..already well rehearsed in that ritual.

Raqi V- I tell her all the time how great she looks when she goes to work (she really does), she’s put on a little weight, but she still has a GREAT body. She tells me that I am putting pressure on her, so I back off and let her come to me. But I guarantee you, all she has to do is give me the green light at any time of the day or evening, and I’ll take it from there. There’s no shortage of lust for her coming from my department.

But again, all I hear are the “excuses”…it could be this, it could be that…I’ve asked and been told “There’s nothing wrong and this is normal.” My response is “Normal for who?”

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
12:45 pm

Me- hears a suggest, because its sounds like at this point you are putting pressure on the wifey for it.

If you have the will power to do this. Just simply have forplay with the wife like two nights out of the week. No penetration. Be as intimate as you can without going all the way. See if that will get some of her juices flowing….it works for me

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:46 pm

LMBO BlackMagic. You are hilarious. One of my ex-coworkers did tell me after I “retired” that I would no longer be able to say no to sex because my husband is now the sole financier. I told her somebody done told her wrong and I asked her is that the only reason she continued to work at a job she was not happy at. She in so many words said yes. She has to be married to a real arsehole.

I would rather be alone and take a job as a dildo tester before I like a man control my sex with his money.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:46 pm

But Rock, why wasn’t your s-i-l trying to make something happen? Why did she wait for him?

TheDude has let me know that my advances are welcomed…that it makes it even better for him. So, if I want it, then….

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:47 pm

Me, to your answer to SexyCool, so what’s not perfect? It seems you are doing everything, what is it she is saying she wants?

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:51 pm

SexyCool, that’s the thing, she says she did. She said she would buy nice lingerie and whatnot to try to seduce him but he was so into the game or the video games that she stopped trying. She said it went so long that she doesn’t want it anymore.

I asked her did she have someone on the side. She said she thought about a few times but never went thru with it.

And I agree about the advances being welcomed. A big part of the hub saying he loves that I like to have sex with him. I approach him.

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
12:52 pm

ME…I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you are putting in work like that and you are getting nothing in return, You might want to come home from work a little earlier and tell that other dude the stay out of your house….

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:53 pm

Raq V, simply put…the old jokes about women, sex and marraige aren’t just jokes. It is what it is. Not saying that I like it, just have to accept it. She just doesn’t have NEAR the libido that she had when we dated and first got married. So I just keep my mouth shut, do my chores and wait until she “feels it”….whenever that happens. If I have to talk you into it or bargain with you, don’t bother. I remember when she nor I could keep our hands off each other. We had a great relationship outside of the bedroom. She just seems disconnected now. Live n learn…..

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:54 pm

Me, how old is your wife if you don’t mind me asking.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:57 pm

Or that other chick….(teasing….kinda)…sorry, not trying to make light of your situation, but the set-up was perfect.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:00 pm

@Simple – I was thinking the same thing but don’t get that man in the local news this evening …

AmazonRed™ - XOXO

February 16th, 2011
1:00 pm

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you are putting in work like that and you are getting nothing in return, You might want to come home from work a little earlier and tell that other dude the stay out of your house….

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
1:01 pm

RAQI….a dild0 tester???? I almost spat out my water!

SIMPLE MAN…oooh…now that’s just foul!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:01 pm

Me, not trying to get further into your business but I am a soon to be 43 year old woman with a 20 month old baby so I know the changes that take place. Is it that she is not wanting it as much as she did before or just not at all? I mean if she only wants it once a week now from 3 times a week 5 years ago, how drastic is the change? Or is it that drastic?

And as for you have to talk her into it, maybe that is what she wants. Maybe she wants you to seduce her. Maybe?

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:07 pm

How is her health? Thyroid? Cholesterol? Sometimes women don’t even know certain health issues are the culprits to their lifeless libido.

Is she going thru menopause? Does she fear getting pregnant? It could be a number of reasons.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:07 pm

Sometimes trying to hard is a turn off. Create some intimacy without it being obvious. If that does work, many she needs to seek some medical attention to find out why the libdo is down.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:10 pm

BlackMagic, yep. That would be in great comparison to having sex with a true arsewipe. Fluffing a whole bunch of nothing. At least with a dildo I won’t have gawd awful duty of having to talk to him or to put on a happy front when his family comes to visit. LOL

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
1:11 pm

LOL..I am getting akick out of the way hte women are reaching hard to try an avoid the plain and simple with brother ME….Everything was fine and then it wasn’t….Did anyone here see teh movie “Unfaithful”??? ME’s lady is going to the bookstore getting beat up by the French guy from Starbucks then she is coming home and getting her feet rubbed by him… It ain’t right I tell ya!!!

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
1:13 pm

Well, it sounds like SHE doesn’t think she has a problem and doesn’t seem to care that he thinks she does. So, all of the effort on his part to understand whatever is going on with her is useless.

The real question is why does it seem that she has checked out of this marriage (at least the physical part) and does she have any intention on checking back in?

And if not, if she is cool with the status quo, what does ME need to do to insure his happYness and his happy-endings in the future?

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:17 pm

Yeah Women … why don’t yaw just go ahead and tell the man to spread-love & CHEAT. It sounds justified coming from a women. It’s just another piss-poor statement coming from another man …

Besides, that’s what ME may be looking for. Green-Light Him!

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
1:17 pm

“Sometimes trying to hard is a turn off.”
TENDERONI….that is sooo true. If I am not in the mood…and a guy keeps trying….he just makes me want him less and less. Hey ignore my a$$ for a minute sexually..then I will start to wonder if he is losing interest and come sniffing up and around him! Hey you guys like mind games…well so do we!

ME…you said that she gained a little weight. That could be your culprit. She no longer feels sexy. See what men do not understand is, that no matter how mcuh you tell a women she is sexy, if she is not comfortable in her own weight/body…it’s like talking to brick wall. She onlly likes missionary because she wants to keep the focus on her face, not her body. The time limit is because she is not enjoying it because she can’t let her go of her inhibitions due to her self-conscienceness.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:19 pm

Why am I not amazed that Simpleton and Duh chose to tell the man to cheat rather than just get out of it. Get a divorce. If the woman doesn’t want you anymore set her free. Heck set yourself free.

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
1:20 pm

@Da_Man!

Regarding your post, its good to have but its not a necessity. You said NEED as in you will die if you dont get it. You need food, water and shelter. If you go through a drought with the women, you just have to wait until the tide turns. The physical is not that important for you to allow a someone to manipulate you over it.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
1:20 pm

Da_Man – I wouldn’t tell him to cheat because should he be found out and a divorce filing ensue, she would have cause and justification. (Don’t give her rope to hang you with.)

If anything, I would tell him to leave and file for separation/divorce based on irreconcilable differences or alienation of affection or some other legal sounding words (lol).

(Who knows, maybe a decisive action of that sort will motivate her ways that he has previously been able to do so…IF he would even want to at that point.)

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
1:23 pm

Wait Raqi…I never said Cheat. In fact under no circumstance would I have EVER suggested that he Cheat …What I said was the SHE was cheating, and that you ladies were reaching for excuses and glossing over the fact that it was possible / probable that she was…

Heart&Soul

February 16th, 2011
1:23 pm

@Me >>>>>>Me like whatcha you said!!! There’s nothing wrong with role playing and puttin a little umph in it cause the spice is certainly nice!!!!

@Leggs That missionary “marriage” style is boring!
^ cosign!

@BMW Thanks for keeping it real and the laughter flowing!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:23 pm

BlackMagic, that is so true. When we feel some kind of way about our body we don’t want our man, or no man for that matter to see it.

However, it could be in his approach. I agree some men try too hard which could have an adverse effect. Men we don’t want yall groping on all the time and salivating like a thirsty dog all over us.

Is Me the same one that said earlier that he is tired of making love and just wants to get buck wild with it?

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
1:24 pm

M-Dot – It’s not a need? Really? I’m sure that if you find yourself in a relationship that is devoid of it, you would feel differently. Ask ME.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:28 pm

cheating is the easy way out…@Me don’t give up on your women. Exhaust all efforts.

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
1:29 pm

@SC

LOL I feel you! How are you handling it? Its just when he said need, its like it will prevent you from going to work, living your life, etc like a disability! Its not! lol

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:31 pm

I agree with needing sex. I have needed it before and will need it again. I remember one time needing it so bad that I had to delete a number from my phone to keep from dialing. LOL

No it’s not the same as a need that you can’t live without but it’s a need as in we need money to function in this world. Yes there are many that are living day to day without money. But if you want to be happy in this world you gon need money. Yes gon.

Don’t be fooled sex is a vital part of relationships.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:33 pm

its like it will prevent you from going to work, living your life

M.dot, for some people it does. LOL I used to tell some my grouchy ex-coworkers that they needed to get laid so our work environment would be more pleasant and productive. Some of them you could very much tell when they heeded that advice. LOL

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
1:34 pm

HEART & SOUL….I do try!

RAQI…I can have 100 people say I look great at my current size. But I am uncomfortable…so it doesn’t matter. Guys are like why are you trying to lose weight. Chicks are dying for what you have naturally. But as good as that sounds….it’s not that any man thinks..it’s what I think. So that si why I came to the possinle conclusion that it could be her weight holding her back.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
1:34 pm

I see I’ve missed some great convo…let me go back and read.

@Me ~ I’m feeling a little sorry for you, but let me read and get the full picture.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
1:35 pm

*possible*…pardon my typo!

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:36 pm

SexyC – With no nookie coming his way, divorce is inevitable … plus threatening to do or actually filing can be like a double-edge sword. Despite what kind her gains to chill with Mr. French (rebound) on the Riviera …

Just keep it simple … smash someone else, feel guilty for a short period, cover your tracks then go home & chill.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:43 pm

M(Dot) – The problem is you’re trying to be too literal about it & not at all practical. I can understand your point … sex is amusing, entertaining ,yadda yadda yadda … but if you’re not getting any from that particular someone (none at all), you’re going to get amused & entertained somewhere else. Little dude with the horns on your left shoulder going to say “Dam, I NEED some !”

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
1:45 pm

Goodness gracious, Me! You are in a bit of a quandry aren’t you. I think your wifey has lost respect for you, your feelings and doesn’t give a damn about much of anything. When a woman says “good grief” you best believe she has a knife under the mattress because you are getting on her last nerve.

Ok, ok, perhaps not that drastic, but “good grief” and rolling your eyes at your mate is in essence dismissing them! Seems like she’s dimissed you a while ago.

You sound decent, so I hope you can once again get your marriage to work to your satisfaction.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:47 pm

And the dude on your right shoulder (a conscious) should tell you to love your wife, and try and make it work

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:52 pm

but “good grief” and rolling your eyes at your mate

Leggs, I didn’t even notice that comment. LOL Yep he is horndogging her or something. That statement clearly says “give it a rest already.” No one says that unless you are breathing on them every day of the week, every minute of the hour.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:54 pm

@TenderRoni – Nah … dude on your right shoulder is like “No Comment …”

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
1:54 pm

@Raqi V ~ I put “rolling your eyes” in there because that’s what usually follows a “good grief.” He only said the “good grief” part.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:55 pm

Where is one of those funny skits, for Me’s quandry (@Leggs, i like that word).

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:56 pm

@Da_Man…I have only two words for you….Well Damn!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
1:58 pm

Someone once pointed out to me that “marriage is the ‘most expensive’ ‘free’ piece of azzz you can get”. True. Men find that out the hard way.

@ Raqi …some guy once confided that he would rather go out and trim hedges in an ice storm than to have sex with a woman who did not want him. When wives convey that lack of desire, I know I feel that way too. Men have fragile egos, I’m telling you…no matter how “tough” they try to appear. If a woman, conveys to him that he is desirable and she really wants HIM, he will do anything to keep that, take a bullet, paint the house twice a week, and go out and beat on his chest in the middle of the Interstate. Men want to be wanted just as much as men, it is a validation thing.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:59 pm

Hey Leggs … this is where you invite Jesus back into the party …

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
1:59 pm

meant “just as much as women” sorry. My bad.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
2:02 pm

Yeah @Leggs and @Da_Man, invite Jesus back…cuz we need to throw some holy water on @Da_Man for this comment..”Just keep it simple … smash someone else, feel guilty for a short period, cover your tracks then go home & chill.” j/k,but not really!

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
2:04 pm

The “good grief” comment could have been interpreted, “Dude, really?!? I’m already giving it to you in a way that should make you want to stop wanting to have sex with me altogether. And now, you want to do all that?!?!? You think I’m going to participate in those shenanigans. You dense as hell.”

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:05 pm

@TenderRoni ~ I do too…

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:07 pm

Your wish is my command, Da_Man

“Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit says the LORD Almighty.” – Zechariah 4:6

Hang in there Me, and if it’s still in her Spirit, you should see some results after you two have a SERIOUS heart-to-heart!

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:08 pm

@SexyC ~ sure it can. I got the impression she says this to him a lot.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:10 pm

Oh snap, I didn’t read it the first time with the word “my” before Spirit.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
2:11 pm

@TenderRoni – In that case, you you better bring a truck load of Holy Water b/c that concept has been invented & practiced widely across the world before I was even in the race outta Big Poppa’s “richard”.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:11 pm

@SexyC ~ the last sentence in your comment was hysterical! I have said that on many occasions.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
2:13 pm

Wait…if she said “good grief”….then she is giving you what I like to call “pacifier sex”. Think about it. When a baby is screaming, one of the first things you do to get it to shut the hell up is give it thier binky…aka, the pacier. So if someone is horndogging you and you just want them to shut the hell up and leave you alone….its like, “here take this” as they lay there counting backwards from 100 hoping it will be over soon! Once you give pacifier sex…that is the beginning of the end, The respect, lust and most likely the love is going…going…GONE! I have been there…no more! It feels like being raped almost! You feel gross afterwards. Then it kind of makes you turn off by the act of sex slowly but surely. Its hard to get the libido back after that.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
2:16 pm

@ME – Go home & start humming/singing the R. Kelly super hit “I Don’t See Nothing Wrong, With a lil Bump & Grind Baby …”. I bet the act-right switch will flip to the on position then!

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
2:18 pm

Da Man –

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:18 pm

@Da_Man ~ I bet it won’t. I can picture her walking by him while he’s singing that song with her nose turned down and him singing to her hand!

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
2:24 pm

Enter your comments here

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:25 pm

Yeah that “good grief” told the whole story. A woman receiving the lovely treatment that he is saying he is giving does not throw “good grief” in her man’s face. Not seriously she doesn’t. He could very well be doing all that stuff, cooking, cleaning, laundry because she has removed herself emotionally from the relationship leaving him to fend for himself.

And there had to be signs that the end was near.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
2:26 pm

I don’t think that going to work either Da_Man. If she is disconnected, he needs to find ways to stimulate her mind…so the body will follow.

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
2:27 pm

The Thrill might be Gone

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
2:28 pm

@Raqi..thats a good point. Cuz if he doing all that, then what the heck she doin when she get home from work…I mean really.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:29 pm

That’s my take too, Raqi V. Those 2 words carry a lot of impact when the relationship/marriage is already strained. It’s packed with as much venom as if bit by a rattlesnake. Well, I guess in way you have!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:33 pm

TenderRoni, yep. I don’t even have guess about what my husband would say if he came to touch me and I said “good grief”. It would be a wrap because those words coming from me would surely mean I have been tired of you touching me for a long time now.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
2:35 pm

@ME – Real Talk … you’ll waste another 2 – 3 years trying to figure out what’s the deal with your wife and at the end of that you’ll both spend another 3-5 trying to work the solution to these problems. It’s no guarantee that once you fully understand each other’s issue that change is going to occur, and once it sets in that it probably won’t, regret sets in. I’m not encouraging you to do the despicable, but hey, don’t put your life on hold for a women who you claim to have rolled out the “red carpet” for. Do you best but don’t be sexually frustrated in the process. Handle your biz (discreetly) without any “smacks to the face” of your wife and make small strides. At least at the end of the day you won’t be totally P’d off.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
2:35 pm

Yeah…the “good grief” of it all. I can only imagine how deeply it would wound TheDude if I said some sht like that.

Me

February 16th, 2011
2:36 pm

Trust me on this..it is painfully obvious when it’s “pity sex” and I want no part of it and told her so. My exact words were “I can tell when you’re not into it, so in the future, don’t bother. I’ll handle it myself.” She acted all offended when I went and slept in the guest room for a few nights. Maybe women don’t want men horndogging them, but men don’t like it when you just lay there. Trust me…we are wanting it to end as quickly as you do.

This scenario of “Well, it has to be perfect.” is just a cop out. You do or you don’t. If the situation has to ALWAYS be set up like some scene from The Bachelor, forget it. They haven’t made sex good enough to have to jump through all of those hoops. The guy has to do this, do that, create this, woo that…while the woman sits and wonders if she’sm in the “mood”. Sorry, that’s too much work. I want ONE partner, but I want her to want me as much as I want them and there is literally nothing I wouldn’t do for her if I knew it turned her on….nothing. Guess if I end this, I’ll just stick to the single and dating arena, but just look for one woman.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:38 pm

What’s sad is he loves her, still sees her as a vibrant, sexy woman. (even with the little weight gain), and he misses her. Prime candidate for him falling into the arms of the “Clean Up Woman!”

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:39 pm

Leggs, Venom is correct. There are so many ways to say “I am not feeling intimate right now” other than “good grief”. Good grief = “Leave me the heck alone already. I been telling you for the past 6 months that I don’t want sex from you. When are you going to get the hint? Need I spell it out for you any plainer? I don’t want you. Kapesh?”

See that’s what a woman would hear when she hears “good grief”. Me just heard “try again in 3 minutes”. LOL

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:39 pm

And, she may already have her own Maintenance Man.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
2:40 pm

ME – you really seem like a decent dude. I sincerely wish you all the best.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:42 pm

Exactamento, Raqi V, exactamento!

Me

February 16th, 2011
2:43 pm

On a side note, it really did feel out of this world when I met a beautiful woman with a group of people celebrating her 44th birthday at a club. She seemed genuinely excited to be with me, she kissed me on the dance floor, she held my hand tight and then after much dancing and laughing, she said running into me was her favorite present for her birthday. She handed me her card, but I tossed it away on the way home, so I wouldn’t be tempted.You can’t put dollar amounts on how good that makes a person feel.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:43 pm

What’s sad is he loves her

Leggs, he does say he do but there had to be signs before she put the brakes on. There is nothing in this world we can tell that man to do or try if that woman has detached herself from him. One thing about me (Raqi), when I love you I lovez me some you way deep down in my core, but when I detest you I wouldn’t pee on you if you were set on fire.

A man I no longer love will have better luck squeezing blood from a turnip than getting my fluids to flowing again.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
2:44 pm

Well, Rock, if I hear “good grief”, what I just heard is, “I’m screw.ing someone else.” And what he also didn’t realize that he said was, “And you should be too.” (lol)

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
2:46 pm

“when I detest you I wouldn’t pee on you if you were set on fire.”

And the church said, “Amen.”

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:46 pm

“And you should be too.”

LMBO Ain’t that the truth?

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
2:46 pm

Sex as a weapon? It should not happen but it does happen. Always be ready..locked, cocked and ready to rock!

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
2:48 pm

@ME – As battered & bruised that card may be, you better retrace yo steps and get that #!

They can make a movie outta a love story like that … you know like “The Notebook”.

Lord Velonese

February 16th, 2011
2:53 pm

The more I get older the less important sex becomes. I think I am desensitized anyway because of the fact that half naked women are advertised to the male population so much that the Ol’ T&A has lost it’s luster.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
2:55 pm

The older I get the less I get riled up over anything

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:58 pm

@SexyC ~ as with most words in the English language, you must pay attention to the “tone” in which the words are said. Saying “good grief” while he’s hitting your nekkid behind with a towel as you shashay across the bedroom doesn’t quite hold the same meaning as when he asks you do “role play” and you’re not having much intimacy!

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
2:58 pm

LV – I actually somewhat agree with you there. And will even go even further to say that because we have become such a sexualized society – reg’lar ol’ sex isn’t good enough anymore. Folks gotta damn near be able to sc.rew while doing handstand on a merry-go-round.

It’s kinda like an escalating drug habit. At first, good ol’ maryjane is just fine, then *some* starting need bigger and better highs and before you know it, you’re Charlie Sheen.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
2:59 pm

The appearance of T & A can lose luster but the feeling you get from the touch or attention of a women never dies … at least not to me. Throw some vaseline on those things and lets get wit it!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:59 pm

She handed me her card…You can’t put dollar amounts on how good that makes a person feel.

ME, was she a hooker? Card? Dollar amounts? You do know for the women of the night they can turn on and off on a dime. LOL

I am just teasing you. Take this advice from a woman, try to find out what it is, if anything, that your wife is needing to feel reconnected to you. It is always something. Even if she does not love you anymore know that it is never “nothing”. Don’t harrass or badger her because that will just make it worse. But don’t beg her either.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
3:00 pm

Shyyyyyyyyyt, so the stars have to be aligned during a simultaneous lunar and solar eclipse, a comet has to be circling the Earth, and snow has to be falling from a cloudless sky on a 90 degree day in July for a woman to want to have sex with her husband…otherwise there’s something he’s not doing or is doing it wrong. That’s a bunch of shullbit. ME Leave the Dark side and cross over to the single world.

he needs to find ways to stimulate her mind…
Tenderoni He needs to find ways to stimulate his exit from a one-way love marriage.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:00 pm

I may get tired of seeing public displays of T.A. but not T.A. that is all mine.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:02 pm

I have never heard a man say that he has seen so much T.A. that it has just started to lose it’s appeal.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:02 pm

If I see one more booty I am done!

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
3:03 pm

@Da_Man ~ he can’t retrieve the card. He threw it out his car window a long time ago.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:03 pm

before you know it, you’re Charlie Sheen

That is so true. The more sex you have with a person the greater the intimate emotional bond should be getting. There is nothing wrong with having fun with it every now and then but when you are wanting your 50 year old wife to be doing cartwheel off your richard because you saw it on that D rated porn flick you are setting yourself up for much disappointment.

Lord Velonese

February 16th, 2011
3:04 pm

SC- that’s a pretty good Analogy LOL, but you’re right.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
3:06 pm

“If I see one more booty I am done!”
PURPLE…that’s not what you said last night!

LV…I am with you. People are needing more and more over the top sex to get off. I’m not trying to sneak and and screw on the 50 yardline of the GA Dome just for the thrill of the chase.

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
3:07 pm

“half naked women are advertised to the male population so much that the Ol’ T&A has lost it’s luster.”

Stunned….and at a loss for words……

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
3:07 pm

SexyC – Not to get personal … you can do the “handstand on a merry-go-round” thing???

ThatDude is one lucky M**********!.

Lord Velonese

February 16th, 2011
3:08 pm

Purple – Allow me to be the first, because it’s happening to me. Ladies these days on TV and sometimes in public wear so little, its like, well there goes my imagination, I have seen that before, big woop.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
3:08 pm

I have never heard a man say that he has seen so much T.A. that it has just started to lose it’s appeal.
Purp ohhhhhhh woe is me. I done seen too much tig o bitties. I can’t get stimulated no more. It ain’t me, all that t&a in society is to blame for my performance issues. WAWAWAWAAAAAAAA! come on now. lol

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
3:09 pm

@Raqi V ~ don’t underestimate the limberness of the new 50+ (really 30) year old women (lol).

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:09 pm

The older I get, the less I want to have sex standing up in a hammock.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:09 pm

Black, LOL well I did not want to talk while my mouth was full.

Sex is what you make it, as long as you are not doing the same exact thing time after time and add a little something different every so often it will be fine. But don’t bring the fireworks initially only to turn into one of those little paper pop things you thrown on the ground.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
3:11 pm

@Leggs – He better try to find that card … he remember every other detail, he know exactly where that card flew out the window. Either that or stick with us for our “EXPERT” advise.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
3:11 pm

I’m not trying to sneak and and screw on the 50 yardline of the GA Dome just for the thrill of the chase.
BMW Dammmmm you not? Is that your final answer? lol

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
3:12 pm

No…but…last week, I put on my come-get-me shoes, set him up in a stright back chair and he took a hundred ones made it rain while I was the “entertainment”…(lol)

(I kept the ones afterwards of course.)

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:12 pm

Velonese, I am sure once you see the right one that tickles your fancy you will be back to normal.

I think America treats it so taboo that is just seems like it is something special, in certain countries were nudity is not frowned upon it’s business as usual. As for me and my loins we shall never tire!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:13 pm

so the stars have to be aligned during a simultaneous lunar and solar eclipse

DreamsMat, yep. It’s called “I am feeling you like nobody’s business right now”. LOL

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:14 pm

Randyt, yes you are to old to be standing in the hammock, during the day! LOL

Dreams, LOL when a man no longer is turned on by T&A, what is left?

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
3:15 pm

The older I get the more I realize that fore-play adds an extra 27 min to our 30 min session …

Me

February 16th, 2011
3:16 pm

Thanks Dreams…it seems like it always has to be the man’s fault, something he’s not doing or something he’s doing too much off while the woman is just waiting for that magical mood to strike her and the conditions vary from day to day.

Incidentally, the lady gave me her business card and it was two weeks ago this Saturday. I could just shoot myself for tossing it out. She made me feel like a million bucks…and all we shared were two kisses on the dance floor and a kiss outside when she handed me her card. Like the women say…it ain’t always about sex. But whatever IT is, it’s critical to both genders.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
3:16 pm

DreamsMat, yep. It’s called “I am feeling you like nobody’s business right now”. LOL
Raqi yeah well I guess I gotta stay single for a while then ’cause I still got few more semesters of Wizardry School before I learn to make is snow in July. I’m working on it though.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:17 pm

All those barely and undoable acrobatic coital feats are not even that fulfilling. In fact some are just too darn uncomfortable to even align the parts correctly to get any type of pleasure from it.

It’s overrated is what it is. I know because I have tried more than a few. Just out of curiousity alone I tried them and they don’t make the sex any better. It takes away from it.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:18 pm

Da_Man, LOL

As I get older my trajectory gets shorter I think there is some decreased pressure going on also.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:18 pm

LOL Leggs, I don’t. I hope that me and mine are still very much getting our sexing on at 50. But I ain’t trying to be doing back bends on the kitchen stairs now or even then.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
3:19 pm

I agree. Best sex positions – him on top. Me on top. Him behind. And variations of those three. Anything else….well…like Rock said, exciting to *think* about…not so much so in practical application.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:19 pm

RandyT, hammock sex is not that comfortable. But if you are going to try it it’s better when she is on top.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
3:20 pm

Dreams, LOL when a man no longer is turned on by T&A, what is left?
Purp I don’t know, and I hope I never have to find out.

Thanks Dreams…it seems like it always has to be the man’s fault,
Purp yeah but we all learned that in pre-K right? It’s one of those things you just accept in life, like the seasons or taxes. lol

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:21 pm

ME, did you get her name or anyone she was with name? Maybe you can go back there and see if you can run into her.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
3:21 pm

I wish @ME the best in his situation … but the only thing that really strikes me as odd is …

“…and all we shared were two kisses on the dance floor and a kiss outside”

Random encounters … Kissing … I dunno. Kissing is like the 2nd/3rd date type of situation. They gotta be clear of the lip sores & bad breathe 1st.

Lord Velonese

February 16th, 2011
3:21 pm

I just want the OOOoooo factor to come back. I am not worried, if everyone were the same that would suck.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:22 pm

One thing that women don’t see in the same way as men is ‘how long has it been’. Women’s clocks seem to go back to zero every day, that all that matters is today. Men can tell you how many days, hours, minutes and seconds it has been since the last time. Women do seem to notice about a month into a dry spell (but think it is maybe a week or two). One day they realize that man has stopped “nudging her” for days, and begin to all of a sudden remember.

Best sex commentary in a movie was in an old Woody Allen movie called “Annie Hall”. On a split screen she is talking to her therapist who asks her, “how often do you have sex?”, she responds “seems like all the time, maybe three times a week”. His therapist asks him the same question. His response “almost never anymore, maybe three times a week” Women and men often see the exact same things totally different.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
3:22 pm

@Da_Man ~ too funny.

@DreamsM ~ I had to laugh at you too because if I was given the opportunity to do it

@Me ~ whatcha doing kissing this random woman anyway. You is married…

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:24 pm

@Raqi, I agree with the woman on top (got that t-shirt but “standing up in a hammock” where a little personal danger is added…now that is an adventure.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:25 pm

Dreams, LOL only thing left then is men or horses.
That was “ME” who said it always has to be the man’s fault. Not me PLito, if you let a woman trick you into believing it is always your fault she will alway play the blame game with you. LOL

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
3:25 pm

Sheesh, meant to delete that sentence to you DreamsM…just disregard…{{whistling while kicking rocks down the street}}.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:27 pm

ME, is married and kissing women a few times he does not know? You might get a fever blister and that would be hard to explain to the wife. Also have the decency to leave your wife before you look for falling in love elsewhere, you owe it to yourself, your wife and Ms Slobby Lips. Unless you all are swingers and just like to shag!

Me

February 16th, 2011
3:29 pm

Leggs, as far as the kissing…the restaurant wasn’t taking orders at home, so I went for take out. Probably wasn’t my best decision, but I wouldn’t trade it right now for the world.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:29 pm

He threw the card away so that his wife would not find it.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:30 pm

In all seriousness for a brief moment, I just never could get really in to sex in a waterbed in the day. Couldn’t get friction, if heat wasn’t right it was too hot or too cold (and a cold azzed waterbed can chill you to the bone), hard to coordinate the motion, and maybe a bit of seasickness for the weak stomached ones. I tried, but could never get what I considered an A+…and I strive for performance perfection, just wired that way.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
3:32 pm

Aaaaaah … Interesting point @PR. @ME have you suggested or dropped sutle hints about adding on 1 of her girlfriends (or any women). Give it a try … not much to lose.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:32 pm

Randyt, water beds are not fun. Well not the soft ones, but if you take the sheets off and add some baby oil it is a totally different experience

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:33 pm

RandyT, I hate waterbeds for all the reasons you mentioned and then some.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:33 pm

Da_Man, it’s safe to say it’s probably not his first time getting loving away from home….or his wifes.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 16th, 2011
3:35 pm

@Randy

Sex on a waterbed requires planning.

You use the frame for leverage and traction. And while I feel you on the “coordination” issue in the long run, the intial wave is created by the rock

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:36 pm

You have to flow with motion of the ocean. LOL I don’t mind water beds once you get the rhythm, and then you can get this whole opposite motion thing going. LOL

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:36 pm

PR, though I agree with you totally re ME’s dilemma, I have to say I flew close to the flames when I was married. The wife was so cold, if she opened her legs a light would come on. Even if men won’t stray, the validation of their masculinity, when no valdiation is occurring at home, can make a ‘6′ look like a ‘10′ through blurred vision. Men need validation just as much as women…just not as vocal about it.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
3:38 pm

@Me ~ have you tried this approach. Tell her when you want sex, that you need some tonite….she’s married to you so she has to give you some. Period!

If she doesn’t, let her know you got options. That should go over very well.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:39 pm

Randyt, I agree. Some men won’t close the deal with sex outside of the home but they sure will enjoy the flirts and conversation if things are not right at home. Some men not all men. But I think that is the case with anyone

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:39 pm

Leggs, you want him to tell his wife that he has options? LOL

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:40 pm

But if you do not get into rhythm, the man might break “a bone” or something. Man all of a sudden saying “ouch, dayum, that thing is not meant to be bent that way”.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:40 pm

You cannot get mutual rhythm on a waterbed. My man don’t need me moving away from him with every thrust. It makes for shallow diving. Pun intended.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
3:41 pm

@ME – Us Fellas up here, Trying give you some good free advise … like a true “Homie”. Some of the post presented by the Ladies were sound advise, but remember, they women … it’s a woman holding out on you. Get it? Women on the same team …

Like i said earlier … Go out and smash another chick, feel guilty for a short period, cover your tracks then go home & CHILL!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:42 pm

Well, off to a meeting. Well at least it is late enough after lunch that I might be able to stay awake.

Me

February 16th, 2011
3:42 pm

To quell any “not his first time” talk, it was the first time my lips had touched any other woman since we started dating 9 years ago. I’m concerned that if something doesn’t happened and the situation presents itself, it may not be the last.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
3:44 pm

PURPLE…you so nasty!

SCOOL….sounds like a BMW night. I used to dance for my ex’s. I’m talking wigs, costumes and aliases! And hell yeah…I kept the money too! I worked hard for it.

DREAMS…shhhhh! I’m trying to keep “sextra-curricular activites” on the low! Don’t be putting me on Front Street!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:45 pm

Oh and thanks Dan. I might ask for pointers some time if sex on a waterbed looks inevitable…although have to admit had some awesome times just saying to hellz with it, dragging the sheets off the bed onto the floor and making like monkeys all over the room.

Me

February 16th, 2011
3:45 pm

Da Man, no, I won’t do that. If it gets close to that, I’ll just call it a game and get the D. Then it’ll be Free at Last, Free at Last, Thank Gawd Almighty I am free at Last!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
3:45 pm

night y’all

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
3:46 pm

@Me ~ I do understand, unfortunately! Although it pains you right now, you were right to throw the card away. You must keep temptation at bay the best way you know how.

@PR ~ probably, but I would bet he threw it away so he wouldn’t go down that path because he knew in his heart of hearts he was going to go there!!!

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
3:49 pm

@PR ~ I hope every married woman knows her man always has options just like women always have options. It’s up to that individual to guage their own moral barometer.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:49 pm

But Da-Man, that still will not solve his problem with his wife. He is better off just leaving and freely having sex with someone else because he is going to want it again and again. Until he fixes what is wrong with his marriage things are not going to change under his roof. Sexing another woman is just going to get himself a year down the line in a life of cheating. He will be better off just divorcing and finding someone else.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 16th, 2011
3:49 pm

@Randy

What are these “sheets” you speak of?

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
3:56 pm

There are always options. The thing to being marriage is knowing and choosing not to tap into those options. Or they into you. Pun. And doing what you are supposed to do and need to do at home to keep those options out of your spouses mind.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:56 pm

Leggs, yes but the obvious does not need to be stated to a spouse. “I have options” lol if that is said the relation is on the way if not already over.

Ladies is it a difference if you found out your husband only kissed a woman on the dance floor and then at her car rather than knowing he slept with her? I am thinking that the woman is not going to believe that he only just kissed but that he did much more.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
3:58 pm

Waterbeds are only good for different variations of missionary positions. LOL

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
3:59 pm

@Raqi – Won’t solve his problem with his wife but damn sure won’t have the “Dusty D”. Divorce is a timely & costly process. Fill in the gaps in-between and be happy. He doesn’t have to go out & fall in love with another chick (which is likely since he’s already swapping saliva and don’t even know her name) … just get “some” and counsel/work better at/re-ignite his marriage.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:00 pm

@PR ~ I disagree. Sometimes the “obvious” definitely has to stated. Some people actually miss the writing on the wall!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:00 pm

your husband only kissed a woman on the dance floor

A drug addict and alcoholic did not become so until getting that first high or taking that first drink. It matters. It matters much.

Before my husband married me, he sexed me. Before he sexed me, he kissed me. Before his kissed me, he flirted with me. It matters.

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
4:01 pm

Wow…I’ve missed a lot. I can’t read all but in skimming page, I’m agreeing whole heartedly on the 3 best positions. Top (me), top (you), behind. All that other stuff is acrobatics void of catching a good one…most times.

Me – Haven’t read all but it seems Da_Man might be leading you over a cliff…lol It seems better to guve it a serious go rather than cheat. That’ts a mindless cop out. Still love you Da_Man

Me – Work it out

Sassy Me :-)

February 16th, 2011
4:02 pm

Men need validation just as much as women…just not as vocal about it.

True…

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:02 pm

Da-Man, what’s wrong with self pleasuring instead of cheating if getting off is all he wants? He said that other woman made him feel good. That my dear is the words of a man that will not stop at one lay. If that woman makes him feel good now and she gives him sex, he will not stop at one time because it’s more than sex that he is needing and feeling.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:03 pm

Leggs, okay. Seriously you would be okay with you man/husband telling you he has options? If he felt his needs weren’t being met?

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
4:04 pm

Okay, Da_Man, you trippin’. Overall, you’re telling this guy to go out and be unfaithful to his wife, but that he shouldn’t KISS her because she might have bad breath or cold sores?!?!?!?!?

Stop it, I say.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:05 pm

Yall know what feels better than any sexual pleasure or orgasm? It’s when my daughter runs in here like she just did coming home from sitter and greet me with a big smile like she has not seen me in weeks. Makes my heart feel joyous.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
4:06 pm

@Celisea – Dude been hanging off a cliff for some time now. I’m just telling him it’s alright to let go. It’s just a 5ft drop.

and as for you still loving me … YES!!! 1 step closer. Great 4:01 post (top paragragh)!

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:07 pm

The orgasm feels great, but I like the whole act and the visual of everything.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:08 pm

Purple, I am forced to agree with you. I think. My husband telling me he has options sounds like a threat. If we aren’t getting along and sex is not happening in our bed I will already be aware of there being a problem. And that problem will more than likely be something more than just sex. I don’t take to well to threats.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:08 pm

I missed the best positions conversation, But I like the top, being behind her and her on top, I like both of us spooning too

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
4:09 pm

Dang I think I’m too young to have had sex on a waterbed. I think they went out of style before I was old enough to take advantage. Do they still even make waterbeds? I mean my Aunt and Uncle had a waterbed, but they also had bead curtains as the entrance to their living room and the plastic carpet that you roll over the rug with the pointy things on the bottom side. lol

DREAMS…shhhhh! I’m trying to keep “sextra-curricular activites” on the low! Don’t be putting me on Front Street!
BMW My bad. Let’s move this convo on over to Backstreet Alley. I’ll whisper…but you gotta come closer…

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
4:10 pm

Nah @SexyC, I DID encourage the cheat but thought it was odd that he slobbed down the random chick.

I’m encouraging the cheat within reason … it’s not like he said his wife was Perfect in every sense of the word and some of you guys even pointed out that she might have dealings with the pool boy. I’m just saying … “I Don’t See Nothing Wrong … With a lil Bump & Grind Baby …”.

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
4:11 pm

Da_Man – I think you’re riding the bad train today…lol He’s still married…for better for worse, so forth and so on. Bailing ain’t writtne. How ’bout you start over and come back tomorrow

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:12 pm

Raqi, me neither it sounds like an ultimatum. And an ultimatum is the quickest way for me not to do a thing.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:12 pm

It’s just a 5ft drop

That could very well break every bone in his body.

You know when those jets hit the twin towers those people were scared and desperate to get out of that building before they came tumbling down. That fear and desperation gave them the illusion that the ground was only “5ft” away so they jumped…to their death. Like Celisea said you are giving him bad advice. It will be worse than he thinks it will be.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:14 pm

I’m encouraging the cheat within reason

Go back and read the Charlie Sheen comment. I bet that first hit he took he said was within reason.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
4:16 pm

So, he should go out and start a relationship with someone that he cares about as opposed to kissing on some random chick?

Yeah…no…we have too many of those kinds of caring relationships as it is.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
4:16 pm

ME I got a singles card with your name on it, printed, laminated, and ready to go. Show me the D papers, and I’ll hand it over to you. First date is even on me. haha

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
4:16 pm

@Celisea – Ok, so much for honesty … and thx Fellas for having my back.

@Leggs – I’m going staright to Bible Study after work …

@ME – Good Luck!

Hope everyone has a great evening … Good Chat!

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:19 pm

Dreams they still make waterbeds

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:20 pm

@PR ~ No, I wouldn’t like, but it is the truth (no matter how much it may hurt). Yes, Raqi, it’s definitely said as a threat. He might be surprised when she says “go explore those options if that’s what you do”…there are consequences in all actions!

@Da_Man ~ It is Wednesday = Religious Instructions for us non-practicing Catholics.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:20 pm

He would be in a relationship with random chick in after the first out of the club interaction.

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
4:21 pm

Da_Man – Now you know I’m all for honesty but honestly encouraging one to lie cheat and lie ain’t exactly the effect being forthing should have. To say honestly man I can’t do it ain’t exactly the look that honesty should project.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:21 pm

He’ll be standing in court thinking “all of this for a piece of arse” ’cause the wife is gonna take him to the cleaners. He will probably have a better chance ending it now mutually before she takes revenge for him cheating.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:22 pm

Leggs, that is a form of disrespect IMO, I’m just not with that.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:23 pm

Again if taking that step does nothing to get his home right, he will do it again. He is need of sex and affection. He will seek it again even if from a different woman.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
4:23 pm

Manage Your Marriage like a CEO – http://www.rd.com/family/manage-your-marriage-like-a-ceo/

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
4:25 pm

If a chick tells me she has options, that’s the quickest way to see yourself out the door. Go handle your biz, but once you go out, you can’t come back in, like the turnstyles in subway.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:25 pm

Now that I agree with because I will say give me her number so I can call her to come help you remove your belongings from the front lawn. LOL

Bill Cosby

February 16th, 2011
4:27 pm

And I tried to warn them, if you people would just DO what married people are SUPPOSED to do, then there would be no cheating. But there’s going to be some cheating….TONIGHT.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:27 pm

@PR ~ no doubt it’s a form of disrespect. That’s when the most hurtful words are spewed in an argument

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:28 pm

@Raqi V ~ I envisioned a vampire while reading your 4:23.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:30 pm

Dreams I agree

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:30 pm

And, when a man wears his hunger on his sleeve the way Me “might” be doing, a woman will come out of the woodwork and show him interest much like a shark to blood.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:30 pm

Lindsay Lohan in her court dress and Rihanna in her grammy clothes. I feel like a perv but they both looked sexy!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:30 pm

The thing with caving in to threats like that, the one spewing has taken the upper hand. Every time you don’t do what they want they will remind you of their options and you will once again give in. And again. And again.

Dr. Ruth

February 16th, 2011
4:33 pm

If women handled their own business as well as they instruct men to handle theirs, I’m sure that they might contribute to a dip in the infedelity rate, too. Women are always telling men they aren’t doing this enough or they are doing too much of that. Take a look in the mirror, cause it’s a two way street. It’s not all in the men’s lap, you know.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:33 pm

Leggs, which is probably why he had a woman to kiss that evening anyway. Women can be conniving and deceitful. She probably peeped his “thirst” way before he thought of approaching him.

The best he did was get rid of that card. He has no idea what her true motives are.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:33 pm

Only a weak person will continuously cave in. Hopefully, someone will grow some balls and do the right thing.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:34 pm

@Dr. Ruth was a woman, you aren’t one!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:34 pm

It’s not all in the men’s lap, you know.

If all he knows is hump-hump-cnm then yeah it is all in his lap. Pun.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:35 pm

Ditto, Raqi V! Most definitely!!

The Don

February 16th, 2011
4:35 pm

The greatest aphrodesiac know to affect woman and put them in such a lusty state that they can’t control themselves…..money and power. No mere man, regardless of his attributes can compete with that, no matter what their state of matrimony.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:35 pm

I was referring to your 4:33, but now with your 4:34 as well (lol).

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:36 pm

“…no matter what their state of matrimony.”

VERY MUCH UNTRUE!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
4:36 pm

Leggs, men that are not getting the loving at home don’t like to admit that they or other men just may not measuring up between the sheets.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
4:39 pm

Me There’s no time like the present to make a change in your life. Today is as good a day as any.

go home , my girl fussin and bi-t/chin
Mother-(f._&cker won’t you change your life , I’m thinkin
Mother-(f._&cker won’t I change my wife

—- Beanie Sigel

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:39 pm

If a man handles his business his woman will fall in line. No if ands or dollar amount about it.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
4:40 pm

uh oh…@RaqiV speak about, them not bring it btw the sheets nomore.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
4:41 pm

DREAMS….you so nasty!

RAQI….you so nasty too!

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
4:43 pm

Wow, Dr. Ruth and Bill Cosby

Wise

February 16th, 2011
4:43 pm

Raq, you just keep hammering on the men, don’t you? You just can’t find it possible that maybe the woman is frigid. Maybe she just doesn’t like sex. Maybe SHE is the one that is a cold fish in the bed. Maybe the reason he goes elsewhere (it’s still wrong) is that she has all the imagination and passion of a rock. maybe all she wanted to do is get married and then the show was over. You make it seem like that if the woman doesn’t like sex, it’s because of the man, right. Maybe it’s attitudes like that that make men horrified of getting married. Imagine dating a beautiful, passionate woman and when the ring goes on her finger, she hits the switch and it’s Light Out. The the guy stands there thinking “OMG, what in the name of heaven have I done?”

Naaah, it’s all the men’s fault…..

☺☻ Black & white smiley faces

February 16th, 2011
4:47 pm

Chris Rock said a man is only as honest as his options. I think there’s a lot of truth in that.

What do you think a man who’s been ignored by his significant other would do when tempted by the opportunity?

Think about it!

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:50 pm

Once the groin go to trembling, it’s hard to hold back.

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:50 pm

Yep Chris Rock…the marriage counselor. LOL, He sure loves his wife and daughters.

All I hear are a bunch of excuses either you are fit to lead and handle your marriage/woman or not. If not another man will.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
4:52 pm

It is my goal to always be the best option to my guy.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
4:53 pm

@SC, I know thats right girl..cosign’in

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
4:54 pm

SexyCool I think that is the key for both parties involved, so if someone does stray at least you know you did your best.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:54 pm

Exactly, SexyC! That’s how one should always think when in a relationship. This is not rocket science!

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
4:56 pm

And there is three sides to every story, Me’s, his wifes, and the truth.

She could come on her and her perspective could be quit different than the way he has been explaining to us.

@Me- hang in there, hope things turn around for you!

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
4:59 pm

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law ~ (Galatians 5:22)”</strong?

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
5:02 pm

Hope everyone enjoys their evening!!! Nite.

Bill Cosby

February 16th, 2011
5:03 pm

Sex without love is an empty experience. But as far as empty experiences, it’s still the best kind.

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
5:07 pm

“She could come on her and her perspective could be quit different than the way he has been explaining to us.”

Yeah…she will come here and tell us abouth how the maintenence man has been beating that thing like a rented mule!!!!

Purple Rain

February 16th, 2011
5:25 pm

Simple Man, LOL

accessAtlanta

352 comments Add your comment

About Misadventures in Atlanta

Search this blog

Recent Posts

Archives

More from the AJC

Two great e-books, from the Atlanta experts

All accessAtlanta blogs »

accessAtlanta Partner Sites

Add an Event »

Add a Venue »

Add a Performer »

Contact Us »

Customer Care »

Sections

Advertise on accessAtlanta.com »

Join the Access Atlanta Network »

Tell us what you think about the site

Sex as a political weapon?

352 comments Add your comment

About Misadventures in Atlanta

Search this blog

Recent Posts

Archives

More from the AJC

Two great e-books, from the Atlanta experts

accessAtlanta Partner Sites

Services

Sites

Guides

Network Partners

Other Editions

Sections

Tell us what you think about the site