accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Sex as a political weapon?

Did you hear about the proposed sex strike by the spouses of Belgian politicians? Apparently, desperate times calls for sex moratorium measures: “Belgian politicians have failed for eight months to form a government, and one senator has a unique solution: Have spouses withhold sex until a deal is struck.”

Although this suggestion was somewhat facetious, it’s not the first time this tactic has surfaced in political stalemate situations. I think it’s rather telling that sexual leverage has its place in political history and now in modern day times.

Do you think that how much we value sex has changed?

I know using sex as a weapon in a marriage brings huge implications and resentment, yet I hear about it happening all the time. Do you think it’s a viable solution to a couple’s problems, though?

I’ve heard men say that single women have “power” and can use sexual leverage in dating but what kind of impact does that really have on dating relationships? How does that help us build trust and get us closer to long lasting relationships? I mean, that is, after all, the goal of a lot of single men and women.  Does sex really have to be a means to an end?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

352 comments Add your comment

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:19 pm

Why am I not amazed that Simpleton and Duh chose to tell the man to cheat rather than just get out of it. Get a divorce. If the woman doesn’t want you anymore set her free. Heck set yourself free.

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
1:20 pm

@Da_Man!

Regarding your post, its good to have but its not a necessity. You said NEED as in you will die if you dont get it. You need food, water and shelter. If you go through a drought with the women, you just have to wait until the tide turns. The physical is not that important for you to allow a someone to manipulate you over it.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
1:20 pm

Da_Man – I wouldn’t tell him to cheat because should he be found out and a divorce filing ensue, she would have cause and justification. (Don’t give her rope to hang you with.)

If anything, I would tell him to leave and file for separation/divorce based on irreconcilable differences or alienation of affection or some other legal sounding words (lol).

(Who knows, maybe a decisive action of that sort will motivate her ways that he has previously been able to do so…IF he would even want to at that point.)

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
1:23 pm

Wait Raqi…I never said Cheat. In fact under no circumstance would I have EVER suggested that he Cheat …What I said was the SHE was cheating, and that you ladies were reaching for excuses and glossing over the fact that it was possible / probable that she was…

Heart&Soul

February 16th, 2011
1:23 pm

@Me >>>>>>Me like whatcha you said!!! There’s nothing wrong with role playing and puttin a little umph in it cause the spice is certainly nice!!!!

@Leggs That missionary “marriage” style is boring!
^ cosign!

@BMW Thanks for keeping it real and the laughter flowing!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:23 pm

BlackMagic, that is so true. When we feel some kind of way about our body we don’t want our man, or no man for that matter to see it.

However, it could be in his approach. I agree some men try too hard which could have an adverse effect. Men we don’t want yall groping on all the time and salivating like a thirsty dog all over us.

Is Me the same one that said earlier that he is tired of making love and just wants to get buck wild with it?

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
1:24 pm

M-Dot – It’s not a need? Really? I’m sure that if you find yourself in a relationship that is devoid of it, you would feel differently. Ask ME.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:28 pm

cheating is the easy way out…@Me don’t give up on your women. Exhaust all efforts.

M. (pronouced M dot)

February 16th, 2011
1:29 pm

@SC

LOL I feel you! How are you handling it? Its just when he said need, its like it will prevent you from going to work, living your life, etc like a disability! Its not! lol

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:31 pm

I agree with needing sex. I have needed it before and will need it again. I remember one time needing it so bad that I had to delete a number from my phone to keep from dialing. LOL

No it’s not the same as a need that you can’t live without but it’s a need as in we need money to function in this world. Yes there are many that are living day to day without money. But if you want to be happy in this world you gon need money. Yes gon.

Don’t be fooled sex is a vital part of relationships.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:33 pm

its like it will prevent you from going to work, living your life

M.dot, for some people it does. LOL I used to tell some my grouchy ex-coworkers that they needed to get laid so our work environment would be more pleasant and productive. Some of them you could very much tell when they heeded that advice. LOL

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
1:34 pm

HEART & SOUL….I do try! :lol:

RAQI…I can have 100 people say I look great at my current size. But I am uncomfortable…so it doesn’t matter. Guys are like why are you trying to lose weight. Chicks are dying for what you have naturally. But as good as that sounds….it’s not that any man thinks..it’s what I think. So that si why I came to the possinle conclusion that it could be her weight holding her back.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
1:34 pm

I see I’ve missed some great convo…let me go back and read.

@Me ~ I’m feeling a little sorry for you, but let me read and get the full picture.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
1:35 pm

*possible*…pardon my typo!

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:36 pm

SexyC – With no nookie coming his way, divorce is inevitable … plus threatening to do or actually filing can be like a double-edge sword. Despite what kind her gains to chill with Mr. French (rebound) on the Riviera …

Just keep it simple … smash someone else, feel guilty for a short period, cover your tracks then go home & chill.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:43 pm

M(Dot) – The problem is you’re trying to be too literal about it & not at all practical. I can understand your point … sex is amusing, entertaining ,yadda yadda yadda … but if you’re not getting any from that particular someone (none at all), you’re going to get amused & entertained somewhere else. Little dude with the horns on your left shoulder going to say “Dam, I NEED some !”

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
1:45 pm

Goodness gracious, Me! You are in a bit of a quandry aren’t you. I think your wifey has lost respect for you, your feelings and doesn’t give a damn about much of anything. When a woman says “good grief” you best believe she has a knife under the mattress because you are getting on her last nerve.

Ok, ok, perhaps not that drastic, but “good grief” and rolling your eyes at your mate is in essence dismissing them! Seems like she’s dimissed you a while ago.

You sound decent, so I hope you can once again get your marriage to work to your satisfaction.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:47 pm

And the dude on your right shoulder (a conscious) should tell you to love your wife, and try and make it work

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:52 pm

but “good grief” and rolling your eyes at your mate

Leggs, I didn’t even notice that comment. LOL Yep he is horndogging her or something. That statement clearly says “give it a rest already.” No one says that unless you are breathing on them every day of the week, every minute of the hour.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:54 pm

@TenderRoni – Nah … dude on your right shoulder is like “No Comment …”

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
1:54 pm

@Raqi V ~ I put “rolling your eyes” in there because that’s what usually follows a “good grief.” He only said the “good grief” part.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:55 pm

Where is one of those funny skits, for Me’s quandry (@Leggs, i like that word).

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:56 pm

@Da_Man…I have only two words for you….Well Damn!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
1:58 pm

Someone once pointed out to me that “marriage is the ‘most expensive’ ‘free’ piece of azzz you can get”. True. Men find that out the hard way.

@ Raqi …some guy once confided that he would rather go out and trim hedges in an ice storm than to have sex with a woman who did not want him. When wives convey that lack of desire, I know I feel that way too. Men have fragile egos, I’m telling you…no matter how “tough” they try to appear. If a woman, conveys to him that he is desirable and she really wants HIM, he will do anything to keep that, take a bullet, paint the house twice a week, and go out and beat on his chest in the middle of the Interstate. Men want to be wanted just as much as men, it is a validation thing.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:59 pm

Hey Leggs … this is where you invite Jesus back into the party …

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 16th, 2011
1:59 pm

meant “just as much as women” sorry. My bad.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
2:02 pm

Yeah @Leggs and @Da_Man, invite Jesus back…cuz we need to throw some holy water on @Da_Man for this comment..”Just keep it simple … smash someone else, feel guilty for a short period, cover your tracks then go home & chill.” j/k,but not really!

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
2:04 pm

The “good grief” comment could have been interpreted, “Dude, really?!? I’m already giving it to you in a way that should make you want to stop wanting to have sex with me altogether. And now, you want to do all that?!?!? You think I’m going to participate in those shenanigans. You dense as hell.”

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:05 pm

@TenderRoni ~ I do too…

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:07 pm

Your wish is my command, Da_Man

“Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit says the LORD Almighty.” – Zechariah 4:6

Hang in there Me, and if it’s still in her Spirit, you should see some results after you two have a SERIOUS heart-to-heart!

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:08 pm

@SexyC ~ sure it can. I got the impression she says this to him a lot.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:10 pm

Oh snap, I didn’t read it the first time with the word “my” before Spirit.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
2:11 pm

@TenderRoni – In that case, you you better bring a truck load of Holy Water b/c that concept has been invented & practiced widely across the world before I was even in the race outta Big Poppa’s “richard”.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:11 pm

@SexyC ~ the last sentence in your comment was hysterical! I have said that on many occasions.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
2:13 pm

Wait…if she said “good grief”….then she is giving you what I like to call “pacifier sex”. Think about it. When a baby is screaming, one of the first things you do to get it to shut the hell up is give it thier binky…aka, the pacier. So if someone is horndogging you and you just want them to shut the hell up and leave you alone….its like, “here take this” as they lay there counting backwards from 100 hoping it will be over soon! Once you give pacifier sex…that is the beginning of the end, The respect, lust and most likely the love is going…going…GONE! I have been there…no more! It feels like being raped almost! You feel gross afterwards. Then it kind of makes you turn off by the act of sex slowly but surely. Its hard to get the libido back after that.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
2:16 pm

@ME – Go home & start humming/singing the R. Kelly super hit “I Don’t See Nothing Wrong, With a lil Bump & Grind Baby …”. I bet the act-right switch will flip to the on position then!

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
2:18 pm

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:18 pm

@Da_Man ~ I bet it won’t. I can picture her walking by him while he’s singing that song with her nose turned down and him singing to her hand!

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
2:24 pm

Enter your comments here

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:25 pm

Yeah that “good grief” told the whole story. A woman receiving the lovely treatment that he is saying he is giving does not throw “good grief” in her man’s face. Not seriously she doesn’t. He could very well be doing all that stuff, cooking, cleaning, laundry because she has removed herself emotionally from the relationship leaving him to fend for himself.

And there had to be signs that the end was near.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
2:26 pm

I don’t think that going to work either Da_Man. If she is disconnected, he needs to find ways to stimulate her mind…so the body will follow.

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
2:27 pm

The Thrill might be Gone

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
2:28 pm

@Raqi..thats a good point. Cuz if he doing all that, then what the heck she doin when she get home from work…I mean really.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:29 pm

That’s my take too, Raqi V. Those 2 words carry a lot of impact when the relationship/marriage is already strained. It’s packed with as much venom as if bit by a rattlesnake. Well, I guess in way you have!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:33 pm

TenderRoni, yep. I don’t even have guess about what my husband would say if he came to touch me and I said “good grief”. It would be a wrap because those words coming from me would surely mean I have been tired of you touching me for a long time now.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
2:35 pm

@ME – Real Talk … you’ll waste another 2 – 3 years trying to figure out what’s the deal with your wife and at the end of that you’ll both spend another 3-5 trying to work the solution to these problems. It’s no guarantee that once you fully understand each other’s issue that change is going to occur, and once it sets in that it probably won’t, regret sets in. I’m not encouraging you to do the despicable, but hey, don’t put your life on hold for a women who you claim to have rolled out the “red carpet” for. Do you best but don’t be sexually frustrated in the process. Handle your biz (discreetly) without any “smacks to the face” of your wife and make small strides. At least at the end of the day you won’t be totally P’d off.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
2:35 pm

Yeah…the “good grief” of it all. I can only imagine how deeply it would wound TheDude if I said some sht like that.

Me

February 16th, 2011
2:36 pm

Trust me on this..it is painfully obvious when it’s “pity sex” and I want no part of it and told her so. My exact words were “I can tell when you’re not into it, so in the future, don’t bother. I’ll handle it myself.” She acted all offended when I went and slept in the guest room for a few nights. Maybe women don’t want men horndogging them, but men don’t like it when you just lay there. Trust me…we are wanting it to end as quickly as you do.

This scenario of “Well, it has to be perfect.” is just a cop out. You do or you don’t. If the situation has to ALWAYS be set up like some scene from The Bachelor, forget it. They haven’t made sex good enough to have to jump through all of those hoops. The guy has to do this, do that, create this, woo that…while the woman sits and wonders if she’sm in the “mood”. Sorry, that’s too much work. I want ONE partner, but I want her to want me as much as I want them and there is literally nothing I wouldn’t do for her if I knew it turned her on….nothing. Guess if I end this, I’ll just stick to the single and dating arena, but just look for one woman.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
2:38 pm

What’s sad is he loves her, still sees her as a vibrant, sexy woman. (even with the little weight gain), and he misses her. Prime candidate for him falling into the arms of the “Clean Up Woman!”

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
2:39 pm

Leggs, Venom is correct. There are so many ways to say “I am not feeling intimate right now” other than “good grief”. Good grief = “Leave me the heck alone already. I been telling you for the past 6 months that I don’t want sex from you. When are you going to get the hint? Need I spell it out for you any plainer? I don’t want you. Kapesh?”

See that’s what a woman would hear when she hears “good grief”. Me just heard “try again in 3 minutes”. LOL