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City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Sex as a political weapon?

Did you hear about the proposed sex strike by the spouses of Belgian politicians? Apparently, desperate times calls for sex moratorium measures: “Belgian politicians have failed for eight months to form a government, and one senator has a unique solution: Have spouses withhold sex until a deal is struck.”

Although this suggestion was somewhat facetious, it’s not the first time this tactic has surfaced in political stalemate situations. I think it’s rather telling that sexual leverage has its place in political history and now in modern day times.

Do you think that how much we value sex has changed?

I know using sex as a weapon in a marriage brings huge implications and resentment, yet I hear about it happening all the time. Do you think it’s a viable solution to a couple’s problems, though?

I’ve heard men say that single women have “power” and can use sexual leverage in dating but what kind of impact does that really have on dating relationships? How does that help us build trust and get us closer to long lasting relationships? I mean, that is, after all, the goal of a lot of single men and women.  Does sex really have to be a means to an end?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

352 comments Add your comment

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
11:50 am

@Me- lol, just keep it real. My ex said the same to me, well not in those exact words.

Leggs

February 16th, 2011
11:50 am

BMW ~ I liked “rainbow fart”…very colorful!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 16th, 2011
11:51 am

He liked to try to keep me on edge and guessing.
kimmie Sounds like he had some insecurity issues. Oh well, his loss. ;-)

DREAMS…..you know Mardi Gras and St. Patty’s is coming up!
BMW Don’t play with me…fo’ you find yourself tag teamed by me and this Don Julio. ;-) I’m from Beantown, home of the Irish…you become a drinker by osmosis. lol Whew and I had some good times in NOLA for Mardi Gras and Bayou Classic.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
11:54 am

Aw Sh!t … gotta put my Bullet proof vest on …

M(dot) – I don’t have an issue with what you said. I just disagree on looking at sex as amusement, Trip to Vegas, etc. My thought is we NEED sex. Nothing extremely drastic If we never make it to Vegas in our lifetime.

Me

February 16th, 2011
11:55 am

I asked my wife if we could role play, go to a bar and pick each other up, go to a hotel and cause a disturbance. All I got was “Oh good grief……” We used to watch the occassional porno when we dated, did the deed in public parks, restaurant parking lots (at lunch time) and once she even left a pair of her panties on my steering wheel with a note saying “Come straight to my house when you get off.”

Now, it’s once every two weeks, missionary, for no longer than 7 minutes and making noise is not allowed. Is it still frowned upon to call in a “relief pitcher” at this point in the game?

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
11:57 am

Celisea – I know we don’t know each other like that, but based on your 11:26 post … WILL YOU MARRY ME!!!

kimmie

February 16th, 2011
12:00 pm

Dreams – Thank you!

Raqi – You know what? Knowing him, he might have had someone else and he may not have. He used to do off-the-wall stuff like that, really, to keep me on edge. He would do stuff just to try & get a rise out of me. Sometimes it was borderline humiliating. Most of the time, I would react very cool & nonchalant. That would kill him. That last hold-out was the last straw though. From his reaction, I don’t think he was expecting me to just leave, but I did.

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
12:04 pm

Da_Man – You’re feeling some kind of way today? lol

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:05 pm

Me, are you doing your part outside of just getting horny and hard to make her want to jump your bones (pun.intended) or have sex with you? Do you two share intimate moments outside of the bedroom ever?

Yeah having a surprise waiting for me under the covers is okay sometimes but women need to be courted. Yes by our husbands. We need intimacy and occasional romance. Heck we need you to help around the house sometimes so we will have the energy and volition to sex you.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:07 pm

Me – do you have children?

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
12:08 pm

@Celisea – Nah … but that post was just perfect. So much so, I have to re-post it –

“Why can’t we be at odds and like with anything else in like keep it going. I ain’t gonna lie, I done the do while mad at SO. Now it won’t be all sensual and a love making session but I can get my needs met and continue my issue. If nothing else, we gonna talk about it.”

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:09 pm

And ME don’t be mistaken I have been “taken” many times and look forward to the next. But just day-to-day everyday living, a man swiffering the hall hardwood is one of the sexiest sights to see. LOL

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
12:13 pm

DREAMS…you know I am lover of some booze on the weekend! :lol: You have seen my FB man…my crew and I go hard for Mardi Gras (down on Bourbon St.), St. Patty’s (Savannah), Halloween (3 parties & costumes minimum), Christmas (costumes…yes I said it), Memorial weekend (Carnival)…well you get the picture. This NY’er is a drinker by blood! :lol:

ME…sounds like a song to me. Ever heard of BB King? “The Thrill is Gone”! :lol: Question…do you still look as good as when she married you? You didn’t go develop the 3rd trimester gut did you? I’m telling you….it could me the attraction is gone. Or are you a slefish lover when she no longer enjoyed sex because she got nothing from it. Just because you “arrive” doesn’t mean she does! :lol: I know when that happened to me…when sex felt like a bloody chore….I checked out mentally/emotionally. Then finally I physically checked out.

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:13 pm

We have no children left in the house, I do 70% of the laundry, 90% of the dishes (washing, loading and unloading), I cook, give the best foot massage and back massage that you don’t have to spend money on and work full time. OK, OK….I don’t like to watch chick flicks….big X next to my name. I’m just more spontaneous and love physical contact, work out 5 days a week. Fertheluvagawd, I just want to know what it’s like to make out again. Oh well……..*sigh

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:15 pm

BMW, I’m 6′4, 220, work out 5 days a week, run three times a week and wear size 35 waist jeans. I try and do the best with what my momma gave me…lol

Celisea

February 16th, 2011
12:15 pm

Da_Man – LOL you silly

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:15 pm

Well dern…Me…if I didn’t already have TheDude, I may be proposing marriage like Da_Man. (lol)

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:16 pm

To give the men some credit here I will say that I had to learn that a man wants to be desired by his woman. You grow up thinking all men want is sex and they will get it by whatever means. But the menfolk, some of them, do want to feel wanted.

My hub and I were just having a casual conversation one day when he said that he likes that I like to have sex with him. I wasn’t expecting to hear that from him. I mean yeah we love each other and all and have so far had a good intimate relationship. But the fact that someone likes to have sex with you over and above just wanting to have sex and fulfill a need is something to be desired.

(I hope this came across as I intended)

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:21 pm

BlackMagic, exactly. No woman wants some smelling sweating snorting pig of a man riding her. Is he keeping himself up is the question of the afternoon.

Or is he doing nice things for her as he did when they were dating. See some men think once the ink dries on the license they can stop wooing the wife but wants her to still be swing from the chandelier onto his richard. It don’t work like that.

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
12:23 pm

ME…well alright now! That’s what I’m talking about. Not to be nosey…are you handling your business financially? I think we discussed this last week (Right RAQI) where I said if we are freaking out every time we heard a vehicle coming down the street because we think it’s the repo man coming for our cars….and if we are in the dark not because we ater trying to be romantically candlelit…but because the power company shut us off….that will make a woman lose the respect for you. Then you will start to hear what I like to call. “Sex-cuses”. “I’ve got cramps. My face hurts”. My hair hurts”, etc….. :lol:

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:26 pm

Me, no kids left in the house? Do you take your wife out? You know date her? When is the last time you took her dancing? (that is if she likes to dance) What about bowling? She will love getting a front seat view of your hinny if you are as in shape as you say.

If you are doing all that you say, (house work, dishes, massages) and she still don’t desire you as she did before there is something definitely wrong. Or not right. Ask her.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:28 pm

I hope you realize why we are asking all of these questions. Although – it does kinda make it sound like “conditions must be perfect for sex to be in your forecast.”

My next question would be – Have you actually ASKED her about her obvious change in sexual habits? Is there a physical cause? Is there a mental cause? Is there a psychological cause? Could she be harboring some resentment from some slight / past issue – whether it be real or imagined?

But really, it just goes to show that the things that can affect sexual relationships vary far and wide. And even then sometimes, you may never know. It could be that this particular relationship has run its course.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:30 pm

And then too…she could just be a bytch.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:30 pm

BlackMagic, exactly. Worrying brings on droughts.

And Me it may be something you are doing sexually that she does not like. Maybe you are too rough. Heck our bodies change and we have to change-up with it.

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:30 pm

Finances are in order. Held the same hob for 8 years. How about cooking dinner for her? Massaging her neck? There is really nothing I wouldn’t do to set the mood or relax her. She was a dynamo when we dated and the first 2-3 years of marraige. I get the “I don’t think about sex like I used to” excuse, “This is normal, just ask my friends!” or “Well, we just did it last Thursday!”. I’ve just decided that most men are in the same boat as I am…that it’s nothing out of the ordinary in a marraige. I’ve had a few offers to stray, but I felt guilty. But that feeling is fading…..

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
12:32 pm

“See some men think once the ink dries on the license they can stop wooing the wife but wants her to still be swing from the chandelier onto his richard.”

RAQI…if that ain’t the truth. I tell you…I don’t ever want to marry. It seems like more work for the wife. Men think…hmmm let me bring home a good paycheck and do some yard work and I’m chillin’. No sucka…when you go outside, do you go out naked? NOPE…wash your own damn clothes! You hungry? Me too….instead of complaining, go cook. Um…your baby’s crying, I suggest you go check on her. Oh yeah, the older kid needs cupcakes for tomorrow for his 3rd grade V-day party…so while you are making dinner kindly pop some in the oven. Thanks. Oh and while they are baking…he needs you to check his homework. I know you just worked an 8 hour day….me too! And when you are all done, and I am well rested because I came home and chilled and ate the lovely dinner you made. Now I want you to come in the bedroom and be King Ding-a-ling and make me sweat out my hair! Wait…what’chu mean by you are tired? Come on man…you are not supposed to deny your spouse sex. I’m sexually frustrated. The world has stopped turning…waaaaa waaaaa!

See how that sounds? :lol:

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:32 pm

SextCool, you hit it right on the head…things have to be perfect for her to want to.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
12:37 pm

@Me – I feel for you … hope you can find out what’s really going on & resolve the issues. If all your attempts have been exhausted … you can always add 5 minutes extra to that shower time. I’m telling you dude, it works WONDERS!

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:38 pm

Although – it does kinda make it sound like “conditions must be perfect for sex to be in your forecast.”

SexyCool, true but that condition can very well be that he doesn’t look at like he used to. It could be where he thinks he is pulling his weight to her he is not.

And yeah it could have run its course and she could very well just be a b1tch. But I wonder how long did he allow it to go untouched before he decided he now wants to do something about it.

My ex-s-i-l told me that she and her husband went so long without that the one time he tried last year she had no more feeling for him.

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:43 pm

DaMan…..already well rehearsed in that ritual.

Raqi V- I tell her all the time how great she looks when she goes to work (she really does), she’s put on a little weight, but she still has a GREAT body. She tells me that I am putting pressure on her, so I back off and let her come to me. But I guarantee you, all she has to do is give me the green light at any time of the day or evening, and I’ll take it from there. There’s no shortage of lust for her coming from my department.

But again, all I hear are the “excuses”…it could be this, it could be that…I’ve asked and been told “There’s nothing wrong and this is normal.” My response is “Normal for who?”

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
12:45 pm

Me- hears a suggest, because its sounds like at this point you are putting pressure on the wifey for it.

If you have the will power to do this. Just simply have forplay with the wife like two nights out of the week. No penetration. Be as intimate as you can without going all the way. See if that will get some of her juices flowing….it works for me

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:46 pm

LMBO BlackMagic. You are hilarious. One of my ex-coworkers did tell me after I “retired” that I would no longer be able to say no to sex because my husband is now the sole financier. I told her somebody done told her wrong and I asked her is that the only reason she continued to work at a job she was not happy at. She in so many words said yes. She has to be married to a real arsehole.

I would rather be alone and take a job as a dildo tester before I like a man control my sex with his money.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:46 pm

But Rock, why wasn’t your s-i-l trying to make something happen? Why did she wait for him?

TheDude has let me know that my advances are welcomed…that it makes it even better for him. So, if I want it, then….

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:47 pm

Me, to your answer to SexyCool, so what’s not perfect? It seems you are doing everything, what is it she is saying she wants?

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:51 pm

SexyCool, that’s the thing, she says she did. She said she would buy nice lingerie and whatnot to try to seduce him but he was so into the game or the video games that she stopped trying. She said it went so long that she doesn’t want it anymore.

I asked her did she have someone on the side. She said she thought about a few times but never went thru with it.

And I agree about the advances being welcomed. A big part of the hub saying he loves that I like to have sex with him. I approach him.

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
12:52 pm

ME…I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you are putting in work like that and you are getting nothing in return, You might want to come home from work a little earlier and tell that other dude the stay out of your house….

Me

February 16th, 2011
12:53 pm

Raq V, simply put…the old jokes about women, sex and marraige aren’t just jokes. It is what it is. Not saying that I like it, just have to accept it. She just doesn’t have NEAR the libido that she had when we dated and first got married. So I just keep my mouth shut, do my chores and wait until she “feels it”….whenever that happens. If I have to talk you into it or bargain with you, don’t bother. I remember when she nor I could keep our hands off each other. We had a great relationship outside of the bedroom. She just seems disconnected now. Live n learn…..

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
12:54 pm

Me, how old is your wife if you don’t mind me asking.

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
12:57 pm

Or that other chick….(teasing….kinda)…sorry, not trying to make light of your situation, but the set-up was perfect.

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:00 pm

@Simple – I was thinking the same thing but don’t get that man in the local news this evening …

AmazonRed™ - XOXO

February 16th, 2011
1:00 pm

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you are putting in work like that and you are getting nothing in return, You might want to come home from work a little earlier and tell that other dude the stay out of your house….

:shock: :lol:

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
1:01 pm

RAQI….a dild0 tester???? :lol: I almost spat out my water!

SIMPLE MAN…oooh…now that’s just foul! :shock: :lol:

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:01 pm

Me, not trying to get further into your business but I am a soon to be 43 year old woman with a 20 month old baby so I know the changes that take place. Is it that she is not wanting it as much as she did before or just not at all? I mean if she only wants it once a week now from 3 times a week 5 years ago, how drastic is the change? Or is it that drastic?

And as for you have to talk her into it, maybe that is what she wants. Maybe she wants you to seduce her. Maybe?

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:07 pm

How is her health? Thyroid? Cholesterol? Sometimes women don’t even know certain health issues are the culprits to their lifeless libido.

Is she going thru menopause? Does she fear getting pregnant? It could be a number of reasons.

TenderRoni

February 16th, 2011
1:07 pm

Sometimes trying to hard is a turn off. Create some intimacy without it being obvious. If that does work, many she needs to seek some medical attention to find out why the libdo is down.

Raqi V

February 16th, 2011
1:10 pm

BlackMagic, yep. That would be in great comparison to having sex with a true arsewipe. Fluffing a whole bunch of nothing. At least with a dildo I won’t have gawd awful duty of having to talk to him or to put on a happy front when his family comes to visit. LOL

Simple Man!!!!

February 16th, 2011
1:11 pm

LOL..I am getting akick out of the way hte women are reaching hard to try an avoid the plain and simple with brother ME….Everything was fine and then it wasn’t….Did anyone here see teh movie “Unfaithful”??? ME’s lady is going to the bookstore getting beat up by the French guy from Starbucks then she is coming home and getting her feet rubbed by him… It ain’t right I tell ya!!!

SexyCool

February 16th, 2011
1:13 pm

Well, it sounds like SHE doesn’t think she has a problem and doesn’t seem to care that he thinks she does. So, all of the effort on his part to understand whatever is going on with her is useless.

The real question is why does it seem that she has checked out of this marriage (at least the physical part) and does she have any intention on checking back in?

And if not, if she is cool with the status quo, what does ME need to do to insure his happYness and his happy-endings in the future?

Da_Man!

February 16th, 2011
1:17 pm

Yeah Women … why don’t yaw just go ahead and tell the man to spread-love & CHEAT. It sounds justified coming from a women. It’s just another piss-poor statement coming from another man …

Besides, that’s what ME may be looking for. Green-Light Him!

BlackMagicWoman

February 16th, 2011
1:17 pm

“Sometimes trying to hard is a turn off.”
TENDERONI….that is sooo true. If I am not in the mood…and a guy keeps trying….he just makes me want him less and less. Hey ignore my a$$ for a minute sexually..then I will start to wonder if he is losing interest and come sniffing up and around him! :lol: Hey you guys like mind games…well so do we!

ME…you said that she gained a little weight. That could be your culprit. She no longer feels sexy. See what men do not understand is, that no matter how mcuh you tell a women she is sexy, if she is not comfortable in her own weight/body…it’s like talking to brick wall. She onlly likes missionary because she wants to keep the focus on her face, not her body. The time limit is because she is not enjoying it because she can’t let her go of her inhibitions due to her self-conscienceness.