Sex as a political weapon?
Did you hear about the proposed sex strike by the spouses of Belgian politicians? Apparently, desperate times calls for sex moratorium measures: “Belgian politicians have failed for eight months to form a government, and one senator has a unique solution: Have spouses withhold sex until a deal is struck.”
Although this suggestion was somewhat facetious, it’s not the first time this tactic has surfaced in political stalemate situations. I think it’s rather telling that sexual leverage has its place in political history and now in modern day times.
Do you think that how much we value sex has changed?
I know using sex as a weapon in a marriage brings huge implications and resentment, yet I hear about it happening all the time. Do you think it’s a viable solution to a couple’s problems, though?
I’ve heard men say that single women have “power” and can use sexual leverage in dating but what kind of impact does that really have on dating relationships? How does that help us build trust and get us closer to long lasting relationships? I mean, that is, after all, the goal of a lot of single men and women. Does sex really have to be a means to an end?
By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog
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352 comments Add your comment
TenderRoni
February 16th, 2011
10:46 am
Where are the other ladys this morning?
Ok, for the men posting this morning, when was the last time you asked wifey what can you do to get her turned on? Or showed her a gesture just because? Or even just simply asked what she was thinking about/whats on your mind? (besides Valentines day)
Or are you just coming home getting on the computer, playing vidoes game, watching t.v. with your hand down your pants. And we are suppose to get turned by this!!!
SexyCool
February 16th, 2011
10:47 am
Sex as a weapon? Realistically, as long as sex is valued (as it should be), it will be of value and/or has power. And ANYthing that is of value and/or has power is subject to misused and abused, by some, to the detriment of others.
I happen to believe that *weapons* have no place in my relationships as weapons are intended for harm, not good.
kimmie
February 16th, 2011
10:48 am
Morning Gang!
It’s never a good idea to withhold affection. And it’s not always the ladies that put on the lockdown. You would be surprised how many men do it. I had a guy I dated do it to me, use his stuff as a weapon. I felt bad and undesireable. I remember he was in DC on business for a project for a few months. I went up to see him and he was flaking on me. The minute I got off that plane back in Atlanta I called an FWB. That really was the beginning of the end of our relationship too.
Leggs/others – Did you hear Michael Baisden the other day when they were talking about marriages with no intimacy? This lady called in and said her hubby had not touched her for over 5 years. Michael heard a baby crying in the background so he asked her was that her baby and if so how did she get pregnant if her & hubby weren’t doing anything. She said they had always said they wanted kids, but he refused to touch her so she got artificially inseminated!
Leggs
February 16th, 2011
10:51 am
@kimmie ~ no, I hadn’t heard that one
WOW, no matter how you slice it, WOW!
SexyCool
February 16th, 2011
10:51 am
O/T – Listening to Darius Rucker on GrooveShark.com – I heart that dude.
kimmie
February 16th, 2011
10:52 am
Leggs – She said she was ready to leave. I don’t see how she hung around that long.
Simple Man!!!!
February 16th, 2011
10:54 am
“coming home getting on the computer, playing vidoes game, watching t.v. with your hand down your pants”
I assure you, that if you replace his hand with yours, your sex life will get better!!!
Y'all Are Kids
February 16th, 2011
10:55 am
TenderRoni – To answer your question – Daily
I play video games and sit on the couch nekkid – Works everytime.
TenderRoni
February 16th, 2011
10:55 am
A friend of mine who is married, said it becomes a ‘tit for tat thing’. You won’t give me what I want, I won’t give you want you want. She said once you get on that, its a spirall out of control cycle.
Sounds like stubborness with no communication to me.
Leggs
February 16th, 2011
10:55 am
PHOENIX — Phoenix police say they removed a gun from the home of actor Frankie Muniz after a domestic dispute with his girlfriend. A police report says Elycia Turnbow claims Muniz pulled out a gun and held it against his head last Friday night after the two were arguing about prior relationships.
See, ↑ that’s why it doesn’t make any sense to go into detail about prior SO’s!
Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)
February 16th, 2011
10:59 am
@ Tenderoni…good post. No question that both have to introduce intimacy and romance in to the relationship. Where this is most important is being willing to recognize and add it anyway when the other person is too drained. That takes love and commitment…and a willingness on the part of both to do their fair share when they are able.
Da_Man!
February 16th, 2011
10:59 am
I’m sorry Leggs, meant no harm with the “ol’ Leggs” but that was a church motherboard move …
AmazonRed™ - XOXO
February 16th, 2011
11:00 am
Morning all -
I’ll just lurk on this one. In all my relationships, sex has never been the problem…and they haven’t lasted long enough for me to even use withholding of sex as a weapon or bargaining tool!
AmazonRed™ - XOXO
February 16th, 2011
11:02 am
I’ve heard men say that single women have “power” and can use sexual leverage in dating but what kind of impact does that really have on dating relationships?
I do agree with this. But I also know it’s hard to use it as a power tool when you really like someone and feel ready to take that step!
Leggs
February 16th, 2011
11:04 am
@Da_Man ~ I wasn’t offended at all.
M. (pronouced M dot)
February 16th, 2011
11:04 am
Good day.
I dont think it is right that people use this as a weapon. First, a guy especially a single guy should not get bent out of shape because a woman is using this as a weapon. If you get bent out of shape, you are giving her the impression that she has something that you want which means she can manipulate you more easily, and you just end up being a hen pecked man basically.
Guys have to remember that the physical is just entertainment. Its the same as going to movies, an amusement park, or Las Vegas. Just something you do. Its the connection with the person on other levels that makes the physical more valuable.
Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)
February 16th, 2011
11:05 am
@ Tenderoni…where it spirals out of control is when one expects the other to meet his/her needs, both romantic and physical, but thinks they do not have to reciprocate. When one does all the giving, again whether romantic or whatever, then sooner or later the one with the short end will start getting resentful. I know too well.
Then you eventually get in to the “aural sex” stage of a relationship where the communications follows this model…when you pass in the hall and one say “f… you”, and the other replies “f… you too”.
Da_Man!
February 16th, 2011
11:05 am
WTF!!! Kimmie what sre you smoking & why you not sharing???
“And it’s not always the ladies that put on the lockdown. You would be surprised how many men do it.”
When the last time a man held off on you (or any women) … unless there was something fishy going on???
Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)
February 16th, 2011
11:08 am
@ Da_Man …it happens when the man gets so po’ed at the lady he wants to make a point (then hides in the bathroom with his Penthouse, LOL).
TenderRoni
February 16th, 2011
11:08 am
@Randyt- a man who gets it!
M. (pronouced M dot)
February 16th, 2011
11:09 am
@kimmie
I know what you are talking about. They did an article on yahoo relationships a couple years ago discussing that. The idea is that the couple wants to connect more on a friendship and mental level. How many of us can deal with this?!
Da_Man!
February 16th, 2011
11:10 am
Women … right now, Stop trying to speak or think for a man.
“Guys have to remember that the physical is just entertainment. Its the same as going to movies, an amusement park, or Las Vegas”
B.S. – Sex is a necessity like paying the power bill to keep the lights on.
Leggs
February 16th, 2011
11:11 am
“something fishy” like Chlamydia??? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist).
Da_Man!
February 16th, 2011
11:15 am
Leggs that’s nasty!!! quit with details, turning my stomach!
AmazonRed™ - XOXO
February 16th, 2011
11:16 am
“Belgian politicians have failed for eight months to form a government, and one senator has a unique solution: Have spouses withhold sex until a deal is struck.”
That’s a dumb suggestion in politics. Politicians have mistresses!
kimmie
February 16th, 2011
11:16 am
Da Man – Absolutely something fishy! That’s why I left him swimming alone! Just didn’t make sense, a grown healthy man! And while I know I’m not perfect, Randy, I had not done anything to tee this man off. We weren’t arguing, not mad at each other, nothing. Though thinking back on it, his mother told me he had started drinking heavily. When I thought back, during that weeklong visit, every day he would make him a PITCHER of martini and drink the entire thing by himself. Maybe that had something to do with it, I don’t know.
M – I could not deal with it. I got plenty friends already, I need a man that wants to connect on EVERY level!
kimmie
February 16th, 2011
11:18 am
Da Man – M(dot) is a dude.
Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)
February 16th, 2011
11:19 am
@ Tender… re: “@Randyt- a man who gets it!”
Lets just say I have had probably much more time than most on this blog to relfect on my own “errors in judgement”. As I have said before here, I’m not here because I have done it all right but because i have probably made every mistake known to man, and invented a few that even had God shaking his head and saying “where the hellz did THAT come from”.
Just learn from my own mistakes.
Heart&Soul
February 16th, 2011
11:20 am
@Leggs “something fishy” like Chlamydia??? (Sorry, I couldn’t resist)…LOL
Sorry Da_Man You stepped right into that hole! Do you need an Alka Seltzer or ginger ale to settle your stomach?
Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)
February 16th, 2011
11:22 am
@ Leggs…are you suggesting something like “the outhouse door on a tuna boat”?
Scarrrrrry.
Leggs
February 16th, 2011
11:23 am
@Heart&Soul ~ thank you, I thought it funny and quite clever (lol).
Leggs
February 16th, 2011
11:24 am
Good one, RandyT!
Celisea
February 16th, 2011
11:26 am
Morning,
Why can’t we be at odds and like with anything else in like keep it going. I ain’t gonna lie, I done the do while mad at SO. Now it won’t be all sensual and a love making session but I can get my needs met and continue my issue. If nothing else, we gonna talk about it.
DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"
February 16th, 2011
11:26 am
kimmie So dude had a whole pitcher of libation and still didn’t want to get next to you? Sounds a bit gay to me. Some of my longest and strongest have been after indulging in the happy water.
Celisea
February 16th, 2011
11:28 am
Excuse my typos…I’m enroute and typing from my phone
M. (pronouced M dot)
February 16th, 2011
11:28 am
@Kimmie
I feel you. I am going to try to find that article for you. I think it was from 2007. Its a growing trend but I think people want to justify not doing all the duties that come along with being married.
TenderRoni
February 16th, 2011
11:29 am
@Randyt- i appreciate your insight posts.
Da_Man!
February 16th, 2011
11:29 am
I’m Sorry M(dot) … but you’re cutting real close to getting a “Man-card” suspension.
Truth
February 16th, 2011
11:31 am
“A woman needs a REASON to have sex. A man just needs a PLACE!” -Billy Crystal
Women need to feel connected to have sex…or is that only true when you’re married?I’m iIn my forties,, women are ready to run the race after a couple of hours of laughing and dancing. They look beautiful, we get together and then find out that they are also pretty cool ladies and lots of fun out of the bedroom as well. But if they start withholding, I jerk up the emergency break and leave tire marks in the other direction.
I swear to you on every book you can bring to me…..that wedding ring is the dagger in a relationship. It breeds complacience, intolerance and putting the relationship on auto-pilot. You’ve run the race and crossed the finish line. Thanks…but no thanks.
M. (pronouced M dot)
February 16th, 2011
11:31 am
@Da_Man!
Hold up what are you talking about? Do you have a problem with something I said?
kimmie
February 16th, 2011
11:34 am
Dreams – Some guys are just the opposite when they are drunk. The mind is willing but the body isn’t. He can’t rise to the occasion. My first serious boyfriend was like that when he drank alot.
No, this guy was the type to withhold any & all affection to try to prove a point. He liked to try to keep me on edge and guessing. I don’t do drama well, so that’s why he got kicked to the curb!
Me
February 16th, 2011
11:35 am
Why is it that after getting married, you have to “make love” from then on? Sometimes, I don’t want to “make love”. I want you to rip my clothes off, tell me to rip your clothes off and bounce all over the living room like monkeys in heat? There is a difference between “making love” and “having sex”. Sometimes I don’t want you to be soft and cuddly, whispering loving comments in my ear. Sometimes I want to be outright OFFENDED by your behavior. I mean that in the most affectionate way….
SexyCool
February 16th, 2011
11:36 am
@Me – the freak is strong with you. (lol)
(whispering) – I can relate.
Tancred
February 16th, 2011
11:39 am
Women are always using sex as both a trap and as a tool for manipulation. That’s what they are programmed to do. But ugly women don’t have the same advantage because no men really pursue them. Attractive women are treated a certain way from childhood. They know their rank on the sex-appeal scale at an early age and take full advantage. That is why attractive women are more superficial and tacky. Just look at academia. I could count on one hand the number of truly attractive women that were professors in my long experience in that arena. Most are homely. That’s why that song was written:
“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife.”
Leggs
February 16th, 2011
11:40 am
@Me ~ I sincerely hope most marriages have both components. That missionary “marriage” style is boring! You are on point!
BlackMagicWoman
February 16th, 2011
11:41 am
“Some of my longest and strongest have been after indulging in the happy water. ”
DREAMS…..you know Mardi Gras and St. Patty’s is coming up!
On topic….sine I am not married or have kids I can only speak form the single and free perspective. I do think some women pretend to be Supa-p0rn-ho in order to get a man because let’s face it…men have sex on the brain 90% or more of the day. So this goes back to yesterday when I said I refuse to be anything but the real me from the getty up. It takes too much energy to be any other. There have been times where in the begining, I was a horndog. After a few months..it slacked off because honestly…his novelty wore off. The same way men claim they get tired of the same coochie…well the same ole sausage doesn’t exactly make us girls fart rainbows! Not to mention…guys you do the old bait and switch as well. You start off by taking us out, doing romantic things like calling just to say hi, etc. After a while, the calls because texts…then nothing at all. Your idea of a date night is bringing a movie over and “chillin” then expecting sex. Dude…I’m better off NOT having sex with you. Hell you treated me better when you were trying to get the panties. Well since you like the coochie-on-a-string…let’s play that game where as soon as you get close I yank that string and keep you chasing it?!?
Raqi V
February 16th, 2011
11:43 am
kimmie, I would say your guy had moved on-to (pun intended) someone else. You probably did exactly what he wanted you to do.
Good late morning.
M. (pronouced M dot)
February 16th, 2011
11:46 am
Did da man run off and hide? Its funny because he has a new screen name but he is not new. He may be some internet troll. Well give him a message….I have not roasted anyone in a while…;) (loading the canon)
Simple Man!!!!
February 16th, 2011
11:48 am
Tancred,
“If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife.”
You know what the next line in that song is????
“Now look what you have did??? You went and made some UGLY KIDS”!!!
LOL
Raqi V
February 16th, 2011
11:49 am
IMO sex has value and will always have power. That’s why at least 2 mornings out of the week we hear of some dude being in the lock up or being looked for due some woman’s death.
And it only has as much power over you as you give it.
Anyone woman that uses sex as a tool of manipulation is a straight out b1tch. Yes I have been a b1tch in my past. And any man that expects sex, sex, sex and he is falling short on his end is an arsewipe.