accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Is it love or lust?

It’s officially Valentine’s day and love is in the air. Well, more like in the restaurants, retail stores, and flower shops – but you know what I mean.   The day when love is on the minds of many people – single (who came up with Singles Awareness Day? I mean, really?) and coupled up people.

Last week we talked about the importance of passion in a relationship, especially if you want a long-lasting marriage. I often wonder how passion fuels the lust, that sometimes gets mistaken for love in the beginning.  How do you really know when you are falling in love or lust with someone?

What do you think the difference is between love and lust? Have you felt as if you have been in love and/or lust? Do you think the two “feel” the same or is there a notable difference?

Have you ever thought you were in love, only to discover later that you were mistaking it for lust? What did you do?

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone!

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

388 comments Add your comment

Da_Man!

February 14th, 2011
12:05 pm

Yeah … I’m trying to bring punanny back like Levi Jeans & Members Only jackets …

Leggs

February 14th, 2011
12:06 pm

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:07 pm

If i had not walked in the house last nite with anything less than some flowers, it would have been Dirty Look Day for me & the punanny would have been held hostage for about a month.

Da Man – Looks like you have other issues that have nothing to do with Valentines Day. First being your selection of such a materialistic, spoiled-sounding person.

It trips me out, these dudes that feel compelled to make the announcement “I don’t need Valentine’s Day to show my woman I love her. I do it all the time, not just that one day”.

Believe me, if you were’nt doing it the other 364 days, you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing Valentines day with me. Show you care all the time and Valentines day truly would not be a big deal for you.

Da_Man!

February 14th, 2011
12:09 pm

Awwwwww Kimmie you’re only saying that b/c you’re not a man!!!!

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:10 pm

Da Man – Truth can be hard to hear sometimes, I know.

BlackMagicWoman

February 14th, 2011
12:12 pm

Tammi is bi-polar as well as paranoid schitzo! She looks like that ghetto cousin you hate to see coming because you know she will act like as a$$ an embaress you. Make you want to walk away acting liek you don’t know that trick! :lol:

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
12:12 pm

Well…TheDude knows how I feel about V-Day and any other marketing / consumer driven command performance holiday.

It’s nice that he acknowledges them, but knows that it is not a requirement. He really is one that can make a regular ass Monday night after work meaningful.

Da_Man!

February 14th, 2011
12:13 pm

Kimmie – I’m not afraid of the truth, you have a valid point but make no mistake … Women (a fair amt in a relationship) expect something, at least a card on V-day. If if they can expect, why can’t I???

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
12:14 pm

Tami is exactly the train wreck that show needed. Shauni brought her on for her entertainment value. (I also noticed that Shauni is showing up a whole lot more this season.)

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:15 pm

I mean, think about it. I’m a grown-a– woman. Walking around pouting and foregoing my own needs and pleasure cause dude didn’t send me flowers on Valentines Day, especially if he’s been a loving, upstanding dude all along? Sounds real high school.

Just does not compute with me.

SlimHearted - Man, I love lovin'!

February 14th, 2011
12:15 pm

Leggs – there is nothing wrong with being real…but sometimes being “real” needs a filter at times, depending on the situation, time and place.

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
12:17 pm

Oh…and question – was the place where the Lobsters are Red crowded on Friday night because of V-Day…or is it always like that on a Friday?

(We usually go for lunch or on a Tuesday night.)

At any rate, the Cheddar Bay biscuits calleth and I could not answereth because there were too many folks in that joint.

SlimHearted - Man, I love lovin'!

February 14th, 2011
12:18 pm

Tami is a loose cannon and you can almost see her turn into the GHETTOTAM as she throws them drinks back. It’s almost like watching Sybil :lol:

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
12:18 pm

Tami is classic “When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong” waiting to happen.

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:20 pm

“I’m a grown-a– woman. Walking around pouting and foregoing my own needs and pleasure cause dude didn’t send me flowers”

@kimmie
Excuse me! Oh High Priestess. If that ain’t some #%+=*/?. Believe it or not, it happens.

Da_Man!

February 14th, 2011
12:20 pm

kimmie – You may be in a small minority. You sound “Perfect” but also unbelieveable at the same time.

For Real

February 14th, 2011
12:22 pm

Happy V-Day to all the Blog Ladies!!!

For Real now passing out V-Day potatoes to all the lovely ladies.

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:23 pm

Da Man – It’s nothing wrong with wanting to be acknowledged on special days, by either party. But if you’re treating me like twice-microwaved liver the other days, all the flowers in the world on Valentines Day won’t make up for it. I’m also mature enough to understand that if you’re treating me with love and respect on a regular basis, the fact that you didn’t spend $80 on some roses that will be $19.99 tomorrow won’t matter to me.

But that’s me.

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
12:23 pm

But Fion…you gotta focus on the entire statement….”especially if he’s been a loving, upstanding dude all along.”

Where it can go south is when folks have been trifling, coming up short and then on top of that, don’t come through with something that evens out all the bllsht and makes up for the drama.

As for me, keep the bllsht and drama. Stay consistent and present in the relationship. And you ain’t got to NEVER buy a flower or a piece of heart shaped candy EVER.

For Real

February 14th, 2011
12:27 pm

Kimmie + SexyCool= Two grateful women something all men long to see/hear/feel from their woman.

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:29 pm

@Sexy
Kimmie said “especially if he’s been a loving, upstanding dude all along? Sounds real high school.”

I agree with Dan. You can be doing the “right” thing and sometime it may not matter.

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:31 pm

Fion/Da Man – Spoiled women have friends and associates. So I do know such women exist. I’ve even told some they are crazy, that they are not looking at what’s important. They aren’t used to anything. There are also a lot of women that put up with a lot of mess just to have a man, so the fact that he didn’t send her roses on Vday is the least of her worries!

If you two only run across such, maybe you need to upgrade your selection process. But don’t put most of the women out here in that category.

Oh, and I’m not perfect, just a mature, practical, grown-a woman. And yes, I wear the High Pristess crown proudly! :lol:

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:32 pm

kimmie’s statement just made me think that unreasonable female behavior is something uncommon, and something she’d never heard expressed by a man before.

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:36 pm

You can be doing the “right” thing and sometime it may not matter.

Fion – If your best is not enough, you have some decisions to make! The “high school” comment was describing someone that pouts & withholds intimacy if they don’t get flowers.

4Real – Thanks & Happy Valentine’s Day!

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:37 pm

Fion – I hear it expressed by every other man in real life, on tv, on the radio, especially this time of year!!

Leggs

February 14th, 2011
12:37 pm

@SlimHearted ~ I agree.

Tami is a loose cannon who feels “froggy” all the time. But, Evelyn is just as froggy.

@kimmie ~ you’re sweet!

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:39 pm

4Real – Are those sweet potatoes? Love them, thanks!

Da_Man!

February 14th, 2011
12:39 pm

Fion – Here we go with “Fishing in the wrong pond” label …

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:40 pm

Thank you Leggs, you’re a sweetheart too! :)

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:42 pm

@kimmie
“Fion – I hear it expressed by every other man in real life, on tv, on the radio, especially this time of year!!

We agree. I think what Dan was saying. He doesn’t need me to speak for him, but his comment was not made in a vacume and without merit.

Just sayin.

kimmie

February 14th, 2011
12:43 pm

Da Man/Fion – I understand you gotta defend your position! But I gotta present the position of us Real Women on here too!

Happy V Day, going to get lunch! :lol:

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:44 pm

I meant vcuum

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:44 pm

Da_Man!

February 14th, 2011
12:45 pm

FELLAS – Don’t get “Banana’d in the tail pipe” with Kimmie’s theory. Come home empty handed or not prepared to do something nice on any designated “special” day. You’ll need to call a Bails Bondsman to get Punnany outta jail. So what you’re Mr. Right 300+ days out of the year.

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:47 pm

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:48 pm

In the words of Barry White, “Playin Yo Game Baby”

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
12:48 pm

Well…the way I see it….a gratuitous, bllsht gift basket that you bought from off the trunk of the car on the side of the road is not an expression of love. It’s a trinket. And trinkets are cute and the thought is appreciated.

But TheDude *knows* me and he knows that that is not what *I* need.

(And please believe that I am only speaking for myself.)

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:49 pm

“You know You want me to Win.”

Leggs

February 14th, 2011
12:51 pm

If you guys really listened, you would hear the consensus saying that if you notice us, show appreciation, show respect, love us, etc. throughout the year, VD isn’t going to mold the relationship any more. If it’s not already molded and you forget VD is where the problem comes into play. A secure relationship doesn’t need the hype of Valentine’s Day. For some, a mere wish of Happy Valentine’s Day will suffice.

SlimHearted - Man, I love lovin'!

February 14th, 2011
12:53 pm

I’m not gonna try to pull the wool over anyone’s eyes…Slim likes a little acknowledgement on holiday’s, this one included. Don’t judge me :lol:

Mean as hell...

February 14th, 2011
12:53 pm

“a gratuitous, bllsht gift basket that you bought from off the trunk of the car on the side of the road”

Really???? Do guys really buy those and are they serious when they give them to someone????

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:54 pm

@Leggs

Bless you my child. Oh, if it were only sooooooooooo! simple. :)

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
12:54 pm

MAH – SOMEbody HAS to be buying them. There were too many folks on corners with them set up for there not to be.

Leggs

February 14th, 2011
12:56 pm

And, I’m wearing our newest item in blog inventory…water proof, double insulated blog vest. So comfy…

Da_Man!

February 14th, 2011
12:57 pm

Leggs – I’m not trying to mold the relationship with 1 day. I’m just trying to be sure that wifey is ready to turn it up another notch. After all … it is Valentines Day …

Leggs

February 14th, 2011
12:58 pm

@Fion ~ bing, bing, bouncing right off me.

Seriously, I know, but also believe in some cases it really is that simple!

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
12:59 pm

Fion – Leggs is right. If you are putting forth effort consistently in a relationship, a grandiose command performance is not required.

However, it is much easier to put forth a half-ass effort on most days and then show up with your wallet a few times a year on special days. You end up creating that reality and perpetuating your own myth.

If you are in a relationship where honest communication is occurring, you’ve likely had a conversation about the observance of holidays, the expectations, why certain gestures are or are not important and you make the adjustment to accomodate such.

Fion

February 14th, 2011
12:59 pm

“hey off Topic” what ever happened with all the birds fallin out of the sky DEAD!
I never heard about the cause!

Da_Man!

February 14th, 2011
12:59 pm

I wonder if the dude that sold me this basket on Candler Road take refunds b/c you women are beginning to make me feel like wifey is not going to appreciate it …

SexyCool

February 14th, 2011
1:01 pm

So…Da-Man, your statement indicates that YOU have greater expectations of V-Day as well. And that you could be setting yourself up for a disappointment if she doesn’t come through with EXTRA.

And if that is the bar that you have set in your relationship, then so be it. But…don’t bemoan your own standard.