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Scared of a marriage minus the passion?

I am fully aware that I can be a hopeless romantic at times. I’m not delusional about the “fluff I see in movies” kind of romance. I’m just all about passion in a relationship. I just love the idea of being with the one person that truly does it for me – connecting to them on many levels. Passion is important! Am I being naive, though?

One of the many, many fears I have about settling down and marrying is being stuck in a marriage that lacks passion. Do you ever think about what you would do if you ended up with a marriage that had mediocre sex, constant fighting, and awful communication? That sounds like my version of hell!

I have seen some marriages that seem to fit this profile. I always wonder if they were ever in love and passionate about one another. How do couples manage to get so far away from how it was in the beginning?

So I don’t feel like a completely irrational freak, is there something about marriage you fear?

It would be great to have folks who have been there (are there now and are willing to go back) and can give us a true depiction of what it’s like. What keeps you passionate about your significant other? Chime in an dispel the misconceptions! It’s not all bad, I’m sure.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

332 comments Add your comment

Disillussioned

February 10th, 2011
5:51 am

Unfortunately you spelled out what happens in marriage…the hot sweet thing you married turns into a nagging, frigid, crab…..which then gives rise to the number of men that seek companionship with mistresses…why can’t married women realize that it is physically impossible for men to have a sexual relationship with another women IF they were FULLY meeting their man’s desires….

dd

February 10th, 2011
8:17 am

Been married almost 30 years. First half (or more) was rough, but then my wife decided to take the responsibility for our sex life. It’s been a truly remarkable change, frankly has saved our marriage and rekindled our love for each other. IMO, she should write a book, because I believe a similar transformation is possible in lots of passionless relationships.

She decided 3 things 1) Sex is a major need for most men, 2) she has the power, and thus the responsibility, and 3) By allowing/causing a marriage without passion, she was setting us up for an affair and divorce.

If you are female and in a passionless relationship, please do whatever you can to reconnect. It’s like I heard one time, don’t expect him to “only have eyes for you”, and yet turn him down time and time again to the point of shut down.

Realist

February 10th, 2011
8:22 am

I am afraid that the “marraige without passion” seems to happen more often than not. Case in point. My first marraige ended after many couseling sessions and she had been told she had “sexual anorexia”, which is the clinical term for being frigid. She avoided intimacy and while we were dating, she did whatever she needed to do to get married (the counselor’s words, not mine). We divorced and I swore off marriage. Everything that my friends said would happen, happened. I dated a wonderful woman for 6 years afterwards and we could hardly keep our hands off each other. She was even a bit of a freak, wanting sex in some public places and very daring. We got married and there was a slow downturn for the next 4 years, Just before we had been married for 5 years, she was being very distant, very complacent and the sex had reduced dramatically in frequency and passion. She would lie down naked in front of me when I had suggested sex and was still talking about her girlfriends, work, etc. I guess she wanted me to do my business and get through, so she could get on with her evening. I haven’t cheated, but the thought is rampant in my mind. I’ve had a few offers to do that, but felt guilty and have, to date, been a good boy. I work out, keep myself in shape and SO want to feel what it feels like to actually make out, hold hands, seduce, be seduced, be intimate and be passionate again. She told me that “this was normal” and “I just don’t think about sex any more like I used to.” Nothing I say has any bearing as I am being “too pressuring”, “everything does not lead to sex” and “just ask my friends. they say this is normal too”. I don’t want a divorce and I hate feeling this way. I guess from what I read and hear from my buds….this is exactly why marraige horrifies most man (and many women). How do you turn a porn star into a nun? Marry her.

sameboat

February 10th, 2011
8:30 am

@dd, why did your wife have to take responsibility for your sex life? You make it seem as though she was the only one responsible to make the relationship work. Its funny how you are giving women advice about what to do and not the men, humph!

I am in a passionless marriage and it’s truly taking a toll on me. I dont want to say too much but I will say this. It takes TWO people to bring passion back into a relationship not one.

nels

February 10th, 2011
8:34 am

Absolutely dd, that is it. let the fair sex take charge of the intimacy. They know how to play it all out. Passion has its place however, it is like building a fire, start with a few small twigs and a match and light it, then blow on it a little, add a little more and in time it is roaring fire. Which reminds me, my chimney was taken down by the snow. The chimney guys are building me a new one, it is going up a long ways and then has to be braced against the roof of the house. It will be magnificent when it is done, when it is up there I will be able have a fire[fire and passion] have to get it up and running.

IN DENIAL

February 10th, 2011
8:37 am

Do you ever think about what you would do if you ended up with a marriage that had mediocre sex, constant fighting, and awful communication? That sounds like my version of hell!

How true this is. Sounds exactly like my failing marriage. It’s nothing like feeling that you don’t measure up as a man to your wife anymore. Nothing is ever enough because her passion for you is gone. We as humans cannot fake our passion for someone without the other knowing that something is not right. You may love your spouse but without the longing and passion it’s problably going to end no matter how much help you seek from professionals, spiritual leaders, ect. Hanging on to someone who has lost their passion for you can eventually kill you in worse ways than death could ever do.

SlimDizzyDoodle

February 10th, 2011
8:50 am

Good morning,

Excuse me if I ramble on…feeling really woosie today. So from the already posted comments, mens largest issue is SEX, or lack thereof, in a marriage??

It can be better

February 10th, 2011
8:51 am

I don’t have a passionless marriage at all. In fact, I’m hotter for my wife not than when we married 10 years ago and our intimacy is through the roof. I believe it’s because we’ve made passion and intimacy a priority. But we’ve done that simply because that’s the formula for healthy marriage laid out in the Bible. We are committed Christians who are crazy about each other and have sought to follow God’s plan for our marriage?

Read the Song of Songs. Sounds pretty hot. Read 1 Corinthians 7:1-5. Our bodies are for each other and our goal is to please each other. If both parties love each other and serve each other, marriage is the best thing on the planet. Don’t listen to what the world says. Listen to what God says about marriage. He says it is good, passionate, and steamy.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
8:52 am

Wow, are all these responses from men? As a man let me point out that passion does not mean “sex”. Stop being wusses and take control of your relationship/marriage. All of you pointing out it’s the woman’s responsibility…you sicken me. Be a man and handle your business, if your wife is just emotionally dead like some of them are or they have gone into a shell and not willing to meet you half way either you deal with it or move on.

It can be better

February 10th, 2011
8:52 am

…for my wife NOW than when we married 10 years ago…

typo

It can be better

February 10th, 2011
8:54 am

You don’t have to deal with and move on.

Win her.
Pursue her.
Romanticize her.
Chase her.
Serve her.

IN DENIAL

February 10th, 2011
8:54 am

SDP-Common misconception of most women. Makes it much easier to say all men want is sex. Men & women want to be wanted by their mate. The more the better.

Truth

February 10th, 2011
8:55 am

I am a married woman (2o+ yrs) who very much wants sex but my husband is not often interested. He has let our connection slide. I am attractive, intelligent and out going; not a frigid nag. Sadly, we aren’t affectionate (I try), he rarely does things with me aside from household maintenance and if we go to functions he is distant and no one would guess we are a couple. I have tried to get him to reconnect – did counseling, he blew off the recommendations… Needless to say, I have formed a relationship outside of marriage, where the man is affectionate, willing to try and do things and we have awesome sex. This has worked for a few years now as we are great friends. Connection is what makes any relationship have passion. A passion for life and your partner spills over into everything and makes for wonderful intimacy. Couples need to embrace each other and work together to keep sex and passion in their lives. Marriage w/o passion is sad. Even if there were no actual sex (due to illness) if the connection were there, the desire would live and be fulfilled in other ways. Don’t settle for less.

SlimDizzyDoodle

February 10th, 2011
8:56 am

And I wonder for those of you fellas that say the wife pushed sex to the back burner….were you guys still doing some of the thoughtful things you did when dating, after you got married? Or did you feel like you no longer had to keep up that ‘mental chase’ with her? FYI: four play for women doesn’t start in the bedroom a lot of times. You must begin the ‘play’ with her mind way before you play with her body. Us women like to feel special.. ;-)

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 10th, 2011
8:57 am

@Slim

I agree w/ denial. Wanting to be wanted by your partner is true for (most) men and (most) women.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
8:58 am

Good morning. Very deep posts from all 5 of you.

Marriage w/o passion is in fact a living hell. To not feel connected to you mate is despair on so many levels. I was in a passionless marriage, but it was all on me. I lost all compassion and desire as the years went by. I saw the hurt in him and how the rejection tore him up. I did the “chore” every so often because that’s how I saw it, a chore. What the other persons fails to realize is the passion isn’t gone just by the hands of that “frigid” person alone. No siree. Just like it takes two to tangle, it takes two to keep that flame burning hot.

I do believe it is a huge responsibility of the woman to keep her man interested. Men are visual creatures, and if he’s not turned on at home, or mentally stimulated, he will probably seek it elsewhere.

IN DENIAL

February 10th, 2011
8:59 am

It Can Be Better-AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
9:01 am

@SlimDD ~ I remember telling someone that “I made it a point to keep you interested in me in the bed and out of the bed, but you didn’t do the same for me!” When one party is doing more than the other, that flame can quickly turn to embers.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
9:03 am

Dan, I agree. At some point it needs to be addressed and if nothing comes out of that it’s time to move on. I think some people get comfortable or let the cares of the world impede their passions/relationship and as a result end up blaming their mate for the things that are lacking. That opens the door for infidelity. I will open up and say that with the wife being pregnant the move here and just change in general has caused many of silent non passionate nights even going all day without an I love you. it’s scary but I keep pressing because I love her. LOL, I can type on here better than I can talk to her. It’s pride holding me back mostly and I know it. :(

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
9:04 am

I still think it’s a two way street and both people involved need to make an effort. I am not into kissing ass just for the sake of winning someone back, getting what I want or providing passion.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
9:05 am

And those embers can smolder into ash, never to be reignited.

Berny

February 10th, 2011
9:06 am

I have a question for the people that posted about being in passionless and sexless marriages. Why do you stay?

SlimDizzyDoodle

February 10th, 2011
9:07 am

Denial – I’m not saying all men want is sex. HOWEVER, according the previous posts, that’s what seems to be the running theme. No one really talked about intimacy, connection etc. Sex doesn’t take much thought being that it is purely a physical act. Which is why i brought up making sure men don’t get lazy about keeping their women MENTALLY stimulated. As long as the mental connection is there and she doesn’t feel like, oh lawd, he wants sex again…then that should be half the battle. (not including any other marital issues at the time…i.e cheating, lying etc)

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
9:07 am

Another tell tell sign is if you are showing more passion to your family, job, hobbies than your mate. Slow down and realize what’s important

I wish

February 10th, 2011
9:08 am

“a marriage that had mediocre sex, constant fighting, and awful communication”

Huh. This would be an improvement in my marriage.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
9:11 am

Slim did you read my 8:52? LOL

As much as I love my wife and if the passion was gone after me trying to spark it and she did not respond I would honestly leave.

Mo (aka Moeisha)

February 10th, 2011
9:12 am

Wow, this should be a pretty interesting convo today…..

“Do you ever think about what you would do if you ended up with a marriage that had mediocre sex, constant fighting, and awful communication? That sounds like my version of hell!” Well aside from the mediocre sex part, been there & done that…..and I got the hell on when it all went south.

Relationships are work and the require some form of compromise. I dont believe in denying your partner sex, but at the same time lets understand that you both wont always want sex at the same time.

SlimDizzy – I agree with your 8:56

IN DENIAL – I agree

Tiffany

February 10th, 2011
9:14 am

As I read through the comments, I knew I would have to post something. Then I read “It Can Be Better,” and I must say I couldn’t agree more. My husband and I are working on year 12. We saved sex for marriage and it continues to benefit us in the intimacy/sex department regularly. We honor one another and cherish our time together. We date!!! My most hectic, busiest, crazy day is the night I hand the kids off to a sitter and meet my husband for dinner. We may be too tired for sex on some of those evenings (because we refuse to come home until the kids are asleep), but we ALWAYS have sex the night before because we are so excited in anticipation of the upcoming date!! The date is just a visit to the local Mexican restaurant (usually), but that time is sacred. We reconnect as a couple. We talk. We relax. We plan. We focus on our marriage. Marriage is not about passion (I believe Purple Rain made a similar point); marriage is about committment. We are committed to making it work. My husband is not particularly romantic (in the Hollywood sense), but I CONSISTENTLY feel pursued and cherished by him. That makes it very easy and natural to want to be with him, whether we are watching TV, getting hot under the covers, or catching a quickie in his office before we head home from said weekly date!!

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 10th, 2011
9:17 am

@PR

[Dan channeling his inner PG] Personal pride shouldn’t exist in a relationship. This is the person that I have chosen to be with, and the person that has chosen me. There is no more “her/me” before the “us”.

She may have feelings and I may have them, but in large part, the reason I chose her is because I can talk to her about it; without pride. I can tell her how I feel, know that she will listen, and is willing to account for my feelings; and vice versa.

Wise Diva

February 10th, 2011
9:17 am

wonderful comments so far, I’m feel better already! So it takes work and it can not be done by one person, but one person can be the catalyst to change a situation for better.

Keep it coming!

SlimDizzyDoodle

February 10th, 2011
9:20 am

PR – Well the key part of that post, YES I SAW IT lol, is ‘after me trying to spark it’…so you would not fall into that category of being lazy. ;-)

I wish

February 10th, 2011
9:21 am

“She may have feelings and I may have them, but in large part, the reason I chose her is because I can talk to her about it; without pride. I can tell her how I feel, know that she will listen, and is willing to account for my feelings; and vice versa.”

Dan, what if she isn’t willing to listen, and isn’t willing to account for your feelings?

That is my current station in life. I share how I feel and feel utterly rejected when I do. I feel like crawling into a shell at that point.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 10th, 2011
9:25 am

@Wish

I can’t rightly say.

I’ve been in relationships like that before and left (disclaimer: Dan’s never been married). In a marriage I could only hope that it would never happen in my relationship.

I really have no words

Devil's Advocate

February 10th, 2011
9:29 am

You love her, she loves you, but the passion and emotion isn’t there. Any discussion about it or the lack thereof results in a heated discussion. Suggestions are negated or rediculed….but you still love and care for each other, share chores, share cooking, but the “want to” the “he/she arouses me so much” has gone the way of the dodo.Sex isn’t inticacy, but intimacy doesn’t mean sex. BOTH are important and a way of connecting, feeling wanted, feeling desired. Id there anyone in here that doesn’t want to be wanted AND desired? A study in Germany stated that after the 4th year in a secure relationship, a woman’s testosterone level and libido drop dramatically. Is it fair to say that a secure relationship is what women and men want, but it had opposite effects on the two genders? What if attempts to rekindle, romance, seduce are met with indifference or nothing different from if you had not? You still love and care for each other….but is that enough?

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
9:32 am

How do couples manage to get so far away from how it was in the beginning?

Complacency is one reason. Putting your relationship on autopilot is another. And the failure to continue to communicate and interact. You can’t not do things together and expect the passion to thrive.

Not only is marriage not ALL BAD, it’s not bad at all. Marriage is no different than dating WiseDiva. Marriage is committing to date one man and one man only. That same passion you have for your Man you continue to have for your Husband.

Just like the two you have to equally contribute to dating the same goes for being married. You date to marry but you don’t stop dating each other.

I think the biggest mistake people make in and about marriage is thinking it will and/or is supposed to give you some type of fulfillment and keep you in an everlasting state of elation. That’s not how it is or supposed to be. Marriage is not a narcotic. It is not a drug. It’s just a normal part of life. And as with everything else in life it is what you and yours make it to be.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
9:32 am

Oh, Good Morning.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
9:36 am

Scanning the first few comments it seems like most are saying there is no passion because there is no or a lack of sex. I wonder how many of these allowed the passion to die. For me to have sex I have to feel passion for the man I am with. There is no passion in wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am.

My husband can’t just jump in bed and roll on top of me without having interacted with me intimately outside of the bedroom. Yeah I know firsthand that life happens and we can’t and don’t spend our days skipping hand in hand through flowery meadows. But we share intimacy.

Intimacy fuels passion. Being intimate is having a personal relationship with each other. That part of life we share that is away from our kids, friends, family, work and all else. Talking, caring, sharing. I think the biggest killer of intimacy and murderer of passion is living a life that is not connected. A husband and wife cannot live separate lives and maintain passion. That’s just my opinion and how I deal though.

Derby

February 10th, 2011
9:38 am

If you have been married for a number of years, 15 for me, it is not always going to be hot and steamy. Those are the times when you better have something more to your marriage than passion…passion fades. What would happen if your spouse could no longer have sex? Would you just leave? If you have built your marriage on passion you have set yourself up for failure. All this talk about because there is no passion or it is not hot and steamy like it was when you met is leaving the door open for infidelity is crap……you make the choice to cheat. And, also men kill me when they say, my wife don’t do it like she used to…..do you do it like you used to? Do you treat her like you did when you was trying to get a taste and would have done just about anything she asked to get it? It works both ways.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
9:39 am

“a marriage that had mediocre sex, constant fighting, and awful communication”

Is there any other kind of marriage? Certainly describes mine…so ask me why I mgiht be guilty of sabotaging relationships since. Good question, but unfortunately tooooo common.

And for the record, this is seldom about the sex, but more about the issues in marriage that we deal with that end of causing hurt to one or both. Men and women have a remarkable ability to not recognize the deep, log lasting hurt that simple words can cause. With each hurt, another row of bricks is laid in that wall that separates couples from true intimacy.

Solution: Both should have tongues surgically removed on their wedding day, because the ratio of good things being said to bad things, gets way out of proportion eventually.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
9:39 am

but that time is sacred

Tiffany I agree. It’s not always about sex, but when my hub and I are relating in other ways the sex is inevitable…without fail.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
9:39 am

long not log….typo, again

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
9:43 am

Regarding Raqi’s comments…very good and insightful, as usual. I would add that she is right, marriage is not all bad. I would submit that the only thing worse than being married is being single…there ought to be a better alternative to both. Just joking of course, life, whether married or single, is what YOU make of it. It is not the other person’s responsibility to maintain YOUR happiness.

Lucinda

February 10th, 2011
9:50 am

Raqi V
Spot on. “A husband and wife cannot live seperate lives and maintain passion.” True, true, true.

Sex is a way men feel connected to a woman, and know that she loves him. It’s really not that complicated. If a woman makes her man feel like he’s the greatest lover ever, his ego is satisfied and he won’t stray. You can’t make him feel that way without sex. Not complicated.

Plus, women like it too!!

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
9:50 am

I guess the key is not to get complacent or take the other person for granted. Because it is hard to do the same thing if the person is not responding to the same way that they used to.

Wise Diva is our brother banned for life or for a period of time? Can he have another chance please?

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
9:51 am

Derby, I agree with you but I disagree more. Marriage is and should be more than sex. However, sex is a bonding agent and it a time for sharing. The passions does not have to die. It may fade as you said but it doesn’t have to die.

I remember my mother having plants for years out on the back screened in porch when I was growing up. She wasn’t always buying new plants but she took great care of the one she had so they lived.

She knew which ones to put in direct sunlight and which could survive is a more shaded area. During the colder months she knew which ones to take inside and which ones could survive the chill with a mere cloth thrown over them. She nourished them and they lived.

She did the same for my father from what I could see. She “wifed” him. Looking back now I remember almost every morning when she gave him his cup of coffee she gave him a small peck on the cheek.

Saturdays were their days after my oldest brother got old enough to watch us while they were gone. Every Saturday unless something unexpected happened like one of them or us being sick, my father took my mother to breakfast and then shopping or whatever they did while they were gone from the house.

Whatever it was that was their time of bonding. It may or may not have included sex but what was most important they did not lose their connection.

One thing she taught me about is it’s easier to maintain the health of a growing flower than to neglect it and let it die then try to put life back into it. You have to water it, prune it, pay it some attention and it will live. That described the relationship she had with my father.

I think the biggest mistake many make is letting the kids take over their lives. Many think when the kids come they longer have to give time to each other like they once did. I guess that’s fine in a marriage with a sole purpose of producing offspring. But when they two are together for each other, the kiddies are just an added bonus. Raise them, nuture them, give them attention, but don’t lose your relationship identity.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
9:51 am

Sex should not be made to feel like a chore.

Woman's point

February 10th, 2011
9:52 am

Derby, point well taken, but let’s go a step further. We married you because of the way you were when we dated you. The same goes for you marrying him. This statement of “you’d better have more in commen than passion because passion fades” is the single biggest copout on the board. Does it fade? Eventually, but not when you are still feeling young, feeling vivacious and feeling amorous. You think only men make the decision to cheat? I dated a PI and the vast majority of his work came from lawyers in divorce cases. He noted that roughly SEVEN ot of ten jobs he had were tailing women and almost always warranted. Men do cheat and get the most pub for it. But in my experience, women do it as much or MORE. To deny an intimate relationship and/or satisfying sexuakl relationship has the same effect on women as it does men. To deny this is sticking your head in the sand. It is important. Look at all of the books, the media, the blogs, the headlines. It’s more than the old “in and out….are you done?” Learn what your partner desires and adjust your thinking. To deny it as “crqzy”, “deviant” or “that’s dirty” is shutting down your partner emotionally and physicaaaly. Sometimes it can never be recovered..

SlimDizzyDoodle

February 10th, 2011
9:53 am

Raqi your 9:36 was basically what I was trying to convey.

‘My husband can’t just jump in bed and roll on top of me without having interacted with me intimately outside of the bedroom’

Me

February 10th, 2011
9:53 am

Let me start by saying that in my marriage our sex is great.

Now, I’ll go on to say that prior to marriage one of my concerns was whether I would be able to commit to one person (sexually and otherwise) for the rest of my life. I did, however, want to get married and have a family. This led me to thoughtfully consider the person that I would be willing to marry. I really thought about I wanted (physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally), how this person would relate to my family, what kind of parent would this person be, is he financially responsible (not rich), is he my best friend, etc… My husband did the same prior to meeting me. We also decided not to move into a physical relationship until all these other aspects of the relationship were solid. While we weren’t virgins, we decided to wait until we were married. I know for some of you this will sound completely antiquted, but we both know many people that got married because the passion was so great that it eclipsed other areas of the relationship that were weak.

I say all this to say, that there are a lot of things that can affect the passion in a marriage – stress, kids, financial upstes, etc… But there are also many other components to marriage than the passion. To use passion as a measure for the happiness of a marriage is shallow. I agree it is VERY important, but what’s good sex if all other areas are lackluster?

We will soon have 3 kids under the age of 4, as I am expecting. My husband’s job is very physically demanding and time consuming; therefore most of the the child rearing and home life falls on me. There are times when at the end of the day, we are both so exhausted that sex gets bumped. However, because other components of the marriage are good, the passion doesn’t wane. And as soon as we are able we have great passionate sex.

Marriage is like an obstacle course; the task at hand is always changing. So while I agree that passion is important. If the only thing that is focused on in marriage is whether the sex is good, it is only a matter of time before constant fighting, poor communication and the lack of passion becomes the condition of the marriage.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
9:56 am

@ WD

I would suggest that one of if not the biggest reason that passion dies is that neither is willing to take personal responsibility for keeping the spark burning. Marriage is dayum hard work, and in this age of “entitlement”, each often thinks he/she is “entitled” and should not have to work at it. Guess what boys and girls, life does not work that way. You will eventually get out of a relationship what you are willing to give. We live in a culture of apologists who make excuses for their unwillingness to put in the effort, but are total unforgiving of the other’s excuses.

Second point…put your pride aside and check your ego at the door. Be willing to recognize the efforts of the other. If you want a ring, and he buys you a sleeping bag thinking you will “love it”, give him credit for trying, even when he is clumsy…or he will eventually stop trying.

Lucinda

February 10th, 2011
10:00 am

A successful marriage requires two selfless people who focus on the needs of each other, rather than their own needs.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
10:03 am

In a marriage you just need to show that you care and not in a harsh way, listen to the persons needs instead of giving them what YOU think they need.

anonymousella

February 10th, 2011
10:04 am

“Which is why i brought up making sure men don’t get lazy about keeping their women MENTALLY stimulated. As long as the mental connection is there and she doesn’t feel like, oh lawd, he wants sex again…then that should be half the battle.”

THIS!

if we’re not connecting *outside* of the bedroom we’re not connecting in it.

do you laugh with your woman? do you take her out and treat her nicely? do you help with the housework? being tired and stressed out will kill a woman’s libido.

i’m not worried about it, frankly. my dude is keeps me engaged and interested and — most importantly — makes sure i am doing well physically and mentally. he knows that if he is taking care of me, i will take care of him.

AmazonRed™

February 10th, 2011
10:04 am

Morning all – Nice responses so far.

Well, I intend to marry for love and because I really want to be with my mate. See, the problem is, a lot of folks are marrying because they want to have kids or they are tired of being alone…etc. So of course when you marry for those reasons, being with your spouse will not be a priority.

Heck, I don’t even need to have kids, so I won’t even be able to use childbirth as an excuse. So I already know now that passion will always be a priority in my marriage.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
10:10 am

Woman’sPoint, I agree, I agree, I agree!

It is a copout. Fading does not mean dying. Fading means it may not be as often as before. Heck my hub and I don’t expect each other to be hanging from chandeliers like we are 20 years old or something. LOL But the intimacy that we do share is what we need to be and stay connected.

And when you grow up you learn that sex is more than “busting” one. Yeah that big “O” feels good on any day of the week but mature sex is so much more. It’s about giving yourselves to each other. Bonding and sharing. Why should that die when it does not have to?

My hub has a great aunt and uncle that sits on the porch or in their living room together almost every day. They are old and retired so that how they spend their days.

We were visiting them last year and we were sitting out on the porch. The aunt and uncle were sitting on the porch swing holding hands. My hub told Uncle to come ride to the store with him. Uncle said “I can’t I am having sex.” LOL He said it as a joke because he has a quick wit like that but the hub and I both got it. Those old people are nearly 90 years old but them holding hands is how these days they share their passion for each other.

Simple Man!!!

February 10th, 2011
10:10 am

Deep conversation today!!!! I need to get to lurking and maybe take some notes….

Notme

February 10th, 2011
10:12 am

All you holier than thous need a reality check. I consider my sex life very important and while there are many things that make up a successful partnership, I demand more of myself and my partner than just brushing it off. I love to read stories and watch movies to give myself new ideas to keep my husband wanting more and give it the WOW factor. He is rarely disappojnted. I’m a doctor and my time is limited with work and kids. But I’ll be damned if I’ll be the one wondering what happened. The more I give and do for him, the more he gives a does for me. A great sexual relationship is just one big helping of all the good things that make a great buffet. If you just eat the plain peas, the plain beans and meatloaf, someones going to present some really tasty alternatives.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
10:12 am

You will eventually get out of a relationship what you are willing to give.

Randy, exactly.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 10th, 2011
10:14 am

@Slim/Anon/Raqi

Really?

What dude just don’t talk to you for 14 days and then roll over and expect something? When have any of you.heard.that?

Ain’t a dude over 18 tried that.

I take the point of hyperbole, but let’s try it this way too:

If we’re both stressed in life, career, kids, etc. And we each attempt to make the time to connect but somehow end up missing each other (scheduling whatever), it still requires both parties to make an effort.

Sometimes, try as we might, you ladies have a tendency to try and take on the weight of the world when you don’t have to <– that, more than anything is what stalls the engine.

(I say that knowing full well men do it too, but we know how to comparmentalize better: my girl {here}, the world {there})

Mo (aka Moeisha)

February 10th, 2011
10:16 am

Raqi – “I think the biggest mistake people make in and about marriage is thinking it will and/or is supposed to give you some type of fulfillment and keep you in an everlasting state of elation. That’s not how it is or supposed to be. Marriage is not a narcotic. It is not a drug. It’s just a normal part of life. And as with everything else in life it is what you and yours make it to be.’ I couldnt agree with this more! People need to get over the cinderella stories in reference to marriage. Also add to that, this notion people also have that their spouse will never piss them off/make them angry/etc now that they are married. C’mon now people…….

Simple Man – you are right, great discussion. Im lurking and chiming when I get a chance!

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
10:16 am

Notme, you are right. Sex is very much important to a thriving marriage.

Taking sex out a marriage is just like taking the oil out of a car. The oil is not all it takes for a car to run but it sure will cause problems if removed.

Sassy Me :-)

February 10th, 2011
10:18 am

Ain’t a dude over 18 tried that.

Are you speaking for the entire male population?…I understand that you can give your perspective but can you speak for ALL men?

PrincessNik

February 10th, 2011
10:18 am

Great posts so far. I think far too many people use intimacy and passion as a synonym for sex. To me intimacy is far greater than “doin the do”.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
10:19 am

“You will ‘eventually’ get out of a relationship what you are willing to give.” – Not necessarily true. One party can give and give, with the other one merely taking and taking. If the partner is really selfish, at some point it will become even more lopsided and the gaps in the relationship are now filled with resentment. Communication and respect are the keys to a healthy marriage and a fulfilling sex life.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
10:19 am

Morning,

I’m with Simple Man and Mo, I’m going to lurk cause really this has been said a hundred times. Don’t get me wrong, some nice posts today but really either you’re on one side of the coin or the other.

Derby

February 10th, 2011
10:20 am

Raqi V @ 9:51…… That was beautiful! And something that I can apply to my marriage. Thank You.

I do have a question for everyone….Can past hurt kill passion?

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
10:21 am

Leggs – Cosign your 10:19…some folks are just selfish. You can give and give and give and never get because they believe that’s how it should be. IMO, in order to get what you give, both parties would be have to be willing givers.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
10:21 am

If you get your ideas for romance and sex from mushy movies and porn and base your own interactions with your mate on that. You are setting yourself up for failure.

Gunluvr

February 10th, 2011
10:23 am

All of this stuff is BS to me. I’ve been married for almost 20+ years and I could care less about “love” and romance. Early on in marriage and dating everything is lust; love may be incidental and if it develops later all the better but IMO all that matters in a marriage is providing a stable home to live in and procreate. All of the “romantic” and emotional notions that are constantly attached to having a successful marriage are facile and based on an unrealistic model in the mind of deluded people.

I’ll take a long term and loveless marriage any day vs the shame of a divorce based on “irreconcilable” differences. I know this because my parents and grand parents are failures in marriage; they were selfish and they violated their marriage vows and I have little sympathy for them or anyone else who gets divorced because they’ve “grown apart”; infidelity is the only exception.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
10:23 am

Marriage is the scariest thing I have ever done. To many unknowns but it is worth the risks involved.

alibel

February 10th, 2011
10:23 am

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” ~ Anais Nin

We have to recommit, every day, to our partner. When in an “argument”, focus on communication openly on both sides, it’s about understanding. If it’s ever about being Right, there’s collapse. And when arguing, ask yourself this: “How important is it?” – if your partner were killed in an accident that afternoon would it really matter to you what part of the toothpaste tube they squeezed?
Being present, loving, compassionate. One day at a time.

i disagree with the poster who said “A successful marriage requires two selfless people who focus on the needs of each other, rather than their own needs.” A successful marriage incorporates both partner’s needs (note: this doesn’t mean wants/desires). To overlook yourself and your own needs only leads to resentment later. We all have needs, and the more we practice self-care, the more we can care for others.

For me, a successful marriage/partnership/relationship is when the whole is greater than the sum of it’s parts. 2+2=5

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
10:25 am

I thought I was a male neanderthal, LOL gunlvr thank you for letting me know there are men out there with more jacked up views than me. LOL

PrincessNik

February 10th, 2011
10:26 am

Too many unknowns

PR, This is what scares me too……….

Derby

February 10th, 2011
10:26 am

Leggs- One party can give and give, with the other one merely taking and taking. If the partner is really selfish, at some point it will become even more lopsided and the gaps in the relationship are now filled with resentment.

This is so true!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
10:28 am

Princess, I am glad I am not a quitter because there have been times even this early on when I just wanted to leave. But this is new to me and I had to not be selfish and put stuff aside and check myself, dig in and work it out.

Notme

February 10th, 2011
10:29 am

Resentment over past inadequacies, needs not being met or points of view that are rediculed and rejected are probably the single biggest killer in relationships. Your view isn’t the end all, beat all nor are his. You may have to tone down your appetite while your partner needs to open up and try new things. Communication, needs being met and acceptability are like glue in a relationship. Sometimes, just act like a porn star, just because he wants it and guys act like a romantic fool just because she wants it. If you draw your own views as the only right ones, you are being foolish. My guy friends have said that a woman’s idea of a sex maniac is anyone that has and enjoys sex more than she does. I’m not one of them..

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
10:29 am

both parties would be have to be willing givers

Celisea, that goes without question. Why would anyone keep beating a dead horse?

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 10th, 2011
10:32 am

@Sassy

If a guy has had sex prior to 18, then yes, I can honestly speak for them.

My penultimate point was that guys learn that women want to feel desired, but (in the instances that I’ve heard of) some women forget that men like to feel desired as well.

After marriage, I don’t need to “chase” you. Should I show that I care in unique, kind, and attentive ways – yes; but I’m not “chasing” my wife. And I don’t expect her to chase me. But we both need to be willing to experience each other (physically and mentally) outside of the day-to-day of life.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
10:32 am

Dan, we are not just talking about just talking. You can to a person or you can talk at them.

And my hub and I talking about how high the darn gas bill has gotten is not intimate. When I say intimacy out of the bed room I mean he and I talking, laughing, sharing the way we did before marriage. We talked about ourselves, our desires and our expectations. You know the personal stuff. That’s what we do now. We were willing to spend time together before marriage that’s what we do now.

If my husband never had time for me no he cannot roll up on me and think Imma open up for him. If he closes me off from himself and his life, my legs will close also.

Just because two people exchange a few works does not make for an intimate exchange.

PrincessNik

February 10th, 2011
10:33 am

But this is new to me and I had to not be selfish and put stuff aside and check myself, dig in and work it out.

PR, working on that LOL.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
10:38 am

Hugging, kissing, holding hand outside of the times when you just want sex is passion and intimacy. If I never smell the faint hint of his cologne or he never tastes the flavor of lip gloss I am wearing that day expect to mount me then we are void of intimacy.

Now I got to go potty. It takes 3 minutes just to get unstrapped from all these wires. LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
10:39 am

Princess, yep. LOL

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
10:45 am

Raqi – Celisea, that goes without question. Why would anyone keep beating a dead horse?

I agree what you put in is what you get out….that’s a given with anything anywhere in life….hard worker reap benefits, diligent christians reap the reward of heaven, etc. Only though when dealing with people will you chance the possibility of not getting the same in return. I did a piggy back to Leggs who quoted what you said. And she’s right. Not everybody will be so willing to see your efforts and feel it’s only right to reciprocate. I think a person wears blinders to not believe or see just becuase you’re giving and willing everybody will automatically respond the same way.

AmazonRed™

February 10th, 2011
10:45 am

Leggs – I’m happy to report I had my first real lotto win. $100. :lol:

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
10:47 am

Princess, If I didn’t care…she would not get on my nerves so much. LOL

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Debi Levine and Wendy Rawley, Atlanta Real Time. Atlanta Real Time said: Scared of a marriage minus the passion?: I am fully aware that I can be a hopeless romantic at times. I’m not… http://dlvr.it/GDlkd [...]

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
10:51 am

Leggs, we are not saying different things re “what you get”. What I am saying is that if one does give and the other only takes, eventually the giver stops giving. This happened in my marriage. She had excuses, and was too proud to think she had to try also. Eventually I said why should I care and just to hellz with it. If BOTH parties are not trying and forgiving, then it WILL deteriorate to nothing.

Also, those little injustices that individually may be small, but stacked on top of each other become mountains. Been there done that.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 10th, 2011
10:51 am

@Raqi

I countered your hyperbole with somma my own.

Of course I talk to my lady, we.share.a.room (most nights). And yes, as banal as the conversations may get, the flip of her hair, the sound of her laugh, or the way she looks doing nothing make me whisper sweet nothings “out of nowhere” (as she likes to say).

So, yeah we talk, not it isn’t always romantic, but at least to this point, we each try to keep it keeping on.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
10:55 am

@ Not Me — good post. To succeed in marriage, and in professional life, one sometimes needs to check their pride and ego at the door…or keep your pride and ego and find out the pleasure of being alone and unemployed.

DJ Sniper

February 10th, 2011
10:59 am

Very good topic today. I’m not gonna lie; there have a been a couple of periods where the passion and what not was missing from my marriage, and a lot of it was my fault. I finally made the changes that needed to be made and things have been a lot better lately.

I’ve read where some of the ladies are asking the men if they are still doing the same things they were doing early on. I will admit that a lot of men do slack off in that dept, which causes the woman to not be as responsive when it comes to sex. On the flipside though, you also have to admit that there are some women who just shut down sexually, regardless of what the man is doing or not doing. These are the women who do what they need to do in order to get married, and once the vows are exchanged, they flip the switch.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
11:00 am

Enter your comments here

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:03 am

@ARed ~ Excellent! That’s is great! I stood there trying to think of a number of play. I didn’t play any. My car tag fell last night.

@RandyT ~ I gotcha. I’ve been there done that to. No t-shirt, but a few scratches left on my skull while trying to figure things out.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
11:03 am

Arghh, the blog sensor hit me again.

I would submit that some people (notably some of the women in my past) have a distorted view of the definition of “giving”. Some think that being “gracious enough” to not point out ALL of the shortcomings of their partner, qualifies as giving and trying. Nope, ‘Giving means GIVING, not just allowing their partner to slide sometime”.

Nicole

February 10th, 2011
11:10 am

I have to be everything I want him to be. He can’t fill in my holes. He’s a man. Sometimes a totally different species than me so I respect that he may see things totally different than me.
8 years in and he’s the love of my life. http://www.mynewnormals.com

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
11:10 am

This is what scares me too……….

PrincessNik, I think we all have those concerns. It’s called the unknowns for a reason.

But you know what I am LEARNING? (Everyday is a new day of learning for me) I am learning to treat marriage as I have all other new and old endeavors and paths in my life. When it’s what I want I get in and give it my best. That’s all I can do.

Marriage takes a pretty big negative hit in comparison to all other areas in life. For some reason we tend to look for the fallout due to the unknowns going in more so than taking on a new job.

A new career choice or employment comes with the same unknowns that many can come with marriage or relationships but many give less credit to marriage. In fact so many work harder at a career or job than they do for their marriage.

So many take criticism easier from their team leader and colleagues than they do their own spouse.

If you know in order to better yourself at what you do for a living and be successful you have to be willing to face the unknowns and give your all and best, why not the same for your marriage. Your spouse is your team mate.

And you know having worked on a job for the number of years that I did, the work place has bigger obstacles to endure than a marriage. Politically correctness and all that corporate red tapes do not step foot in this house. LOL

Now I have been “sexually harassed” here a few times but I like the one doing the harassing. LOL

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:13 am

@Nicole ~ his job may not be to fill in those holes, but he can definitely waterproof them so no seepage is allowed. That should be one of his roles, that of protector.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
11:17 am

And I have stated here many, many times my marriage is not all Sundays and sunshine. We have our rainy days and our storms but I do know that it doesn’t do either of us any good dwelling on the bad and negative.

It was cloudy yesterday but I knew the sun would shine as it is today. I felt a little under weather physically yesterday but I knew as in the past once that ill feeling passed I would feel better.

That’s how I have learned to look at marriage and everything else in life. No need to roll over and die because things aren’t as you wish at that present time.

I have seen happy marriages and I do believe it’s possible because it’s a union created by The Almighty.

I just refuse to be negative. My marriage may end though I pray and hope it doesn’t but I refuse to take the negative road right now while in it.

Now back to passion in marriage. That’s what the topic is about anyway. Not marriage in general.

PrincessNik

February 10th, 2011
11:18 am

If you know in order to better yourself at what you do for a living and be successful you have to be willing to face the unknowns and give your all and best, why not the same for your marriage. Your spouse is your team mate.

:idea: great advice Raqi

PrincessNik

February 10th, 2011
11:24 am

Raqi

SO told me the other night “when are you going to accept that I’m not going to always do things exactly the way you want them done”

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:26 am

@PrincesNik ~ I think that’s something all men say to their mates (lol).

Truthhurts

February 10th, 2011
11:30 am

How does a man go from being a knight in shining armor to a bumbling half wit? He gets married and she tells him so. How does a man go from being the object of her desire to “Look, just leave me alone.”? He gets married and she tells him so. How does a man go from being smart, innovative and savy to dumb and can’t figure his way out of the room? He gets married and she lets him know that. How do you turn a beautiful swan into a Pit Bull? You marry her.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:33 am

Princess I need to say that to my wife, .

DJ Sniper

February 10th, 2011
11:33 am

Leggs/PrincessNik, count me in as one of those men who’s had to have that discussion with his wife as well lmao.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:38 am

My ex said it to me too.

PrincessNik

February 10th, 2011
11:40 am

Leggs, LOL I guess so.

Last week when i was sick I did not care HOW anything got done as long as it got done, did lil mama eat, did she bathe, did she get to bed relatively on time………….. that was a lesson in “letting go” for me.

Glenwood Springs CO Photographer

February 10th, 2011
11:41 am

My husband and I have been married for 16 yrs. We’ve never had a big fight or argument, we take turns being the aggressive one in bed, we think alike and get along amazingly well. I am the happiest woman with my marriage and he tells me all the time how happy he is that we met. We will be together till death do us part. I always wish this for the couples that I work with during their wedding.

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
11:43 am

What’s up gang?!

Don’t have much to add since I’m not quite there yet. All I can say is I plan to give my marriage my all. I feel confident my fiance’ will do the same.

One of my best friends told me the other day she asked her husband for a divorce, after 12 years. I knew they had been having some problems, but I thought they were going to counseling and trying to work them out. I know it’s 2 sides, but she said he’s just checked out. I’m sorry and will pray for them. I think they are a beautiful family and hope they can get past this.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:44 am

Do you ever think about what you would do if you ended up with a marriage that had mediocre sex, constant fighting, and awful communication?
I’d do whatever was in my power to make it work because when I’m in, I’m all in. I do, however, understand that my efforts alone won’t be sufficient. So, if my efforts go unmatched, I know it’s time to formulate an exit strategy. It’s good to see all the people who are (have been) married commenting on the topic. I like to see the varying insight.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
11:46 am

Purple aka Expecting Father

About 4am yesterday morning I woke and I wanted some Popeye’s chicken soooo bad. When the hub brought me my breakfast I told him I wanted Popeye’s for lunch. He said no at first but after a few “please”s he gave in and went to get it. When he gave it to me he said “I don’t want hear a peep about how sick it made you”.

I had one spicy breast and two small spoons of the red beans and rice. Only two spoons. I was laying down about an hour after eating when I felt it coming. I tried my best to hold it down but it volcanoed. LOL Thankfully the waste basket is here beside the bed.

He was so mad. I don’t know if he was mad at me or more mad at himself for giving in to me. LOL

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:51 am

Dang Raqi! Bet he was more mad at himself for giving it to you. Now realizing he’s going to have to put some restraints on your requests and stick by them.

That’s one thing I never had while pregnant, cravings. Although I ate a boatload of pizza.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:52 am

“when are you going to accept that I’m not going to always do things exactly the way you want them done”
Princess This is one of my biggest pet peeves. You ask me to do something and then tell me how you want me to do it. Hey, if you already know how to build this shelf, here’s the saw and hammer. lol I think every dude has been here.

One of my best friends told me the other day she asked her husband for a divorce, after 12 years.
kimmie happens all the time. I’d hate to spend 12 (or more) years of my life with someone, just to get to the point of leaving them.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
11:54 am

I don’t know if he was mad at me or more mad at himself for giving in to me.
Raqi probably both, but I would definitely be more mad at myself for giving in when I KNEW what the outcome would be. lol

PrincessNik

February 10th, 2011
12:00 pm

DreamsM

LOL, I can see that. I usually just express my request, then after he is done I may say well how come you did it that way, not to say that way wasn’t good enough just curious about the reasoning for doing it that way.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
12:01 pm

Still on topic? I’m going to walk to Chickfila…maybe there’s be something new when I come back

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
12:03 pm

there will not there’s….

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
12:03 pm

Dreams – Her’s was one of those marriages, from the outside looking in, that you admire, want to emmulate. They seemed to be really devoted to one another and supportive. I know he’s going thru something, his friends have even tried to talk to him. Although my friend said she might have gotten him to sit up & take notice since she mentioned the D word. She said he seems to be perking up and trying to be “present”.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
12:06 pm

Raqi, LOL Thank goodness I live on the farm. If she wants something that is not already in the house she knows she is not getting it. Plowing and forging snow and ice and knowing would probably get stuck. LOL now when we go shopping every two weeks I am buying a bunch of unnecessary items, that are sitting around spoiling. I do not know who is putting on more weight. Me or her and with this weather I can’t get to my connect either…LOL Stress levels are the only things high in my home

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
12:07 pm

Celisea, what do you want to talk about?

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
12:11 pm

@PR ~ remember, men also gain weight during the pregnancy (lol).

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
12:11 pm

Although I ate a boatload of pizza
I don’t eat pizza that much but when I was in the hospital this last time the boy and the babe was sitting in the room eating some. I told them when I get out imma have 3 of the biggest slices of pizza I can find. Just thinking about eating pizza at this very moment is giving me heartburn.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
12:14 pm

DreamsMat, he was mumbling something while walking about with the waste basket. LOL I think his words were too harsh for the baby’s ears that’s why he was mumbling. She was sitting on the bed playing with her Elmo.

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
12:15 pm

Just when we were about to give up the *blog* ghost. (lol)

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
12:23 pm

Purp, I don’t have a lot of craving for out of the ordinary stuff. But when it does hit it hits hard. I had to have that chicken though. LOL

Speaking of passion and upchucking, has anyone ever gotten nauseous for whatever reason during any stages of doing the do?

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
12:27 pm

I have a friend at work that nearly everytime I see him, he is talking with some chick, walking with some chick and obviously flirting with some chick – not the same chick.

He is tall (6′4″), attractive and wears a wedding band. We go to lunch together sometimes and it became apparent when we first started eating lunch together (we just happened to always be in the food courst at the same time) that he was not happy with his wife.

I asked him if he flirted with his wife as much as he flirted with the chicks at work. He looked at me like I had two heads. I told him to try it for a week. Go home, flirt with your wife, make her laugh and I guarantee you it will pay off. No, it won’t solve all of the issues that you have and it won’t make everything better overnight, but it will pay off.

Last time I saw him, I asked him if he was flirting with his wife more. He smiled and said that things were getting better, that the flirting helps.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
12:36 pm

Raqi no I have never upchucked doing the do, I have gotten nauseous though usually doing to much movement during drunken sex.

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
12:36 pm

SCool – That’s cool!

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
12:37 pm

I asked him if he flirted with his wife as much as he flirted with the chicks at work. He looked at me like I had two heads.

Exactly. We are all women of the same nature. Wives or girlfriends need the same attention you are willing to give that non-wife and girlfriend. Why don’t people get this?

So many people stray and leave the wife or girlfriend for the new just to find out down the line the cycle is repeating itself. That’s because you put more work into getting at the new when she was new than you do once you have her.

I know it goes for wives treating their husbands nicely also.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
12:41 pm

My wife says she doesn’t like all the attention and flirting. I know for a fact that is a lie because when I do it she giggles and is just in a joyful mood…..but to hear here tell it she does not. LOL

Raqi, it is negative 24 degrees here today. Most winter babies are born at home for that very reason. LOL

Tancred

February 10th, 2011
12:42 pm

You should be fearful. Monogamy is completely contrary to our primate nature, and it makes complete sense that marriages often fail for lack of “passion.” Think of all the marriages that break up because the husband has been masturbating on the Intar-Webs. Men need new stimuli, and looking at the same old, flabby, saggy-breasted wife is a downer. He may “like” and “appreciate” his wife, but he always needs new stimuli. Women, unfortunately, do like to where rose-coloured glasses when it comes to marriage, and are more willing to stay in a relationship as long as they get attention. This plays into their intrinsic vanity. This is why I never go beyond “friendship” in my relationships with women, and if we have sex, I always make it clear before we get to that point that I’m NEVER gonna get married. The moments of loneliness are worth the freedom. Marriage? No way!

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
12:43 pm

Yeah. I make sure that I flirt with TheDude, compliment him, smile at him and kiss him…a lot. (lol)

In fact, we were watching GMA a few weeks ago and there was a segment about keeping the flame alive (or something like that). One of the suggestions was kiss for at least ten seconds everyday. We look at each other and immediately started kissing. Since then, I’ve been asking him for *my ten seconds* every day. He just laughs at me and commences to kissing. (LOVING that….see big Kool-Aid grin)

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
12:44 pm

Oh boy, here comes the dude wearing the “monogamy isn’t natural” hat!

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
12:45 pm

SCool – I saw that GMA segment!

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
12:46 pm

Oh snap…just googled “Ten Second Kiss”….interesting.

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
12:48 pm

Seems like this advice has been around for a MINUTE….(lol)

There really is nothing new under the sun….

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
12:49 pm

Oh…and it seems as if it was just on last Wednesday.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
12:54 pm

SexyCool and kimmie, the Ten Second Kiss sounds like a good idea.

Only if more people looked for reasons and ways to keep the passion rather than searching for the reasons and excuses why it should fail.

My friend Doc always talk about the power of touch. I copied her years ago on that and it works. Just touching his arm or hand endearingly while watching tv or to say hello whatever works wonders.

Imma about to email you SexyCool. I don’t know if kimmie wants to hear this though. LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:00 pm

kimmie are you going to party a little in Vegas while you are there?

BlackMagicWoman

February 10th, 2011
1:05 pm

“If you are female and in a passionless relationship, please do whatever you can to reconnect.”

It takes two. The man can’t always come like a one trick pony and the woman is always supposed to be satisfed. Most of the time…if a woman is not interested in sex with her mate, there are 3 main reasons: One is, Financial, trust me, if my man is not handling his business in the household, I am not feeling any romantic feelings for him. It’s almost like a loss of respect.The second reason is, the sex is boring and tired. Get a new groove, try something new (and me asking for a 3-some is not one). Romance is key. Rubbing up against me in bed with a hard on is NOT foreplay. Also, if you let yourself go, that does not exactly moisten the panties. A man with a pregnant gut, UGH! Don’t always put it on the woman to look good by working out and taking care of her grooming when you don’t! And the third reason is tied into the first & second ones…she has checked out on you mentally, emotionally and physically because of one and/or two. She may have already found your replacement or at least your stand in while she is trying to give you the time to get your act together! Passion is a two way street! If I must drive it alone than I might as well be alone! Not trying to sound selfish…but during sex, the man should please the woman first because if her flood gates are opened then you can slide right in. Party time for both! I can’t count the times that I just laid there wishing it was over or thinking that I could have had a V-8, in my early twenties. Now, you have to get it right from the getty up or I am getty’ing up and we are done!

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
1:07 pm

I found a book early in my single again period about “How to Kiss”. Always being one who is eager to learn, I read it and made it a mission to try some of it out just to see. IT WORKED!!! Somehow most of us think we are born with all knowledge and can’t improve perfection. Wrong. The little things like the “Butterfly Kiss”, the “Eyelid kiss”, how to work a lover’seck, ears, lips, teeth…

My point is that there are so many ways of spicing up romance, before and after, the deed. We just need to be willing to learn and do the Gladys Knight ’slow hand, and easy touch”. Not all of good sex is giving the lady a concussion while banging her against the headboard.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:07 pm

Black from that post it almost seemed like you have had a boyfriend or lover before.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
1:10 pm

Good post BMW. Shouldn’t be a double standard…both should try to make it as good as possible.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:12 pm

Too funny, PR, you make it seem like she’s a virgin (lol).

@RandyT ~ yes, there is an art to kissing and it doesn’t have to only on the lips (the ones on your face).

Tancred

February 10th, 2011
1:12 pm

Hey Kimmie.

I said marriage was “contrary to our primate nature,” not that Monogamy was not “natural” per se. Everything is “natural” in that it’s all based on the material we have to work with on this planet. My point is that we often ignore how powerful our primate nature is. Culture, particularly our Western, Judeo-Christian culture, is the result of our abnormally large brains, and its influence makes women break down doors at wedding dress sales and it makes both men and women lie in front of their friends during the recitation of their vows. Culture and tradition make people marry the wrong people and stay in bad marriages. Also, much of our “Culture” is based on emotion/romance and the cessation of insecurity. People say they don’t want to be “lonely,” but there is nothing more lonely than that creepy, dead feeling when you realize that you are stuck with a person for the rest of your life because of a cultural “idea.”

DJ Sniper

February 10th, 2011
1:13 pm

Purple Rain, where in the blue hell do you live where it’s –24 degrees???

As for the person who talked about monogamy being unnatural: I won’t lie, he does speak some truth. This goes for women and men. Men are usually the ones who get accused of wanting to sample a variety of women, but if you talk to enough women and get them to be honest, I’m sure a lot of them will tell you that they want variety as well.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
1:16 pm

One is, Financial, trust me, if my man is not handling his business in the household, I am not feeling any romantic feelings for him.

BlackMagic,

No 1. I read an article once that had some survey about women married to more financially established men having more or better orgasm. Or something like that. But the purpose of the article was showing how when the burden of worrying about finances is lifted from the woman she…we can relax more and therefore enjoy sex more experiencing more and more better (LOL) sexual pleasure.

No 2. Yeah hump, hump, c*m it not a good look.

No 3: Things that thump, bump, hump in the night. LOL

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
1:16 pm

@ Leggs, one of those Trivial Pursuit factoids is that the largest organ in the human body is …skin. We all have yards of it, and historically use so very little in lovemaking. Well not me, if a woman is good enough to have sex with, she deserves stimulation over as much of her body as possible. My take anyway.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:19 pm

My take as well, RandyT. I have kissed more parts of his body than just his lips.

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
1:20 pm

Raqita – Send it to me too! I don’t like to be left out!LOL!!

Purple – And you know it! Party like it’s 2999!!LOL!!

Tancred – Whatever!

cba

February 10th, 2011
1:21 pm

Having read this blog for about 1 1/2 yrs, for me, this is by far the most profound topic. I celebrated my 30th year of marriage a couple of weeks ago. I think I have read about myself and my wife in almost every post :-) . I have stated before that I think Raqi has this marriage thing figured out. Her posts today have verified it for me. All I can say is that when it is clicking on all cylinders, it’s a beautiful thing and when there are a couple of misfiring plugs, the going is bumpy. Don’t expect every day to be a smooth ride and when it’s NOT, learn the fix the squeehing(sp?) wheel.
You don’t abandoned the car along side the road.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:22 pm

Leggs, lol I thought she just typed like she actually had a boyfriend in the past that she actually liked or something which I found odd. LOL

DJ Sniper South Canada. LOL (Minnesota)

Women need to know that just opening their legs or giving us sex is not being passionate we want some interaction not just something to pound on.

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
1:23 pm

DJ – Sorry, but to me it’s a copout, whether it’s coming from a man or a woman. But hey, whatever, he’s gotta do him!

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
1:25 pm

Randy, a book on kissing? I bet that was interesting trying that.
While all efforts should be appreciated coming from your mate, but kissing is an art. I have kissed a couple of guys that I would rather kiss a camel than kiss them again. LOL I imagine some woman somewhere liked to be kissed as they were doing but I don’t take to kindly to feeling like you are trying to swallow my entire head. Nor needing a towel to dry off after kissing you. Just eww.

Call me shallow but I didn’t date a guy once because he had very thin lips. Looked like he had a slit in face his were lips were supposed to grow out.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
1:26 pm

Simple fact. Someone wrote into the Playboy Forum many years ago and asked, “where is the most errogenous zone on a woman’s body???” The answer was, “Between the ears”. Romance is NOT rocket science.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 10th, 2011
1:27 pm

@PR

I left Minneapolis on New Years Day, having shoveled 6 feet of snow off the driveway/sidewalk and witnessed an “iceball storm” that I thought was sand.

Stay warm my friend

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:27 pm

kimmie, let me know when you go. My nephew is resident Dj for TRYST , Drais and XS. I can get you on the VIP list and free drinks etc.
http://www.djbigdee.com is his site

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:29 pm

@PR ~ No doubt she’s been deeply involved with a man and deeply hurt by him. Reason for her gloomy, yet honest posts on relationships.

“…not just something to pound on.” – That why I never understood these words “you don’t have to do anything, just lie there and I’ll do all the word….UUUGGGGHHHH!” I absolutely hate hearing these words.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:29 pm

Dan, when I am outside I stay dressed in layers in the house we keep the furnace at a nice comfortable 72

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
1:31 pm

Purple – Thanks!! Good looking out!!!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:32 pm

Leggs, he did a number on her. She made need me to come down there and bring her back to love :o

DJ Sniper

February 10th, 2011
1:33 pm

LOL@ Minnesota being called South Canada!!!!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:34 pm

kimmie, and for your single lady friends he is single. If they like the tall bald headed buff type. LOL he has pictures on his site.

Long Time Ago

February 10th, 2011
1:34 pm

Little late to the show, but, this is a topic I can relate too. We’ve been married over 30 years and remain best friends. We do almost everything together – and she’s a good sport about getting involved in activities I like and I hope to have reciprocated as much. We’re not as passionate as we used to be, but, still have our moments.

A good friend of ours once said – “They’re going to plant you two together”. It was a sincere compliment as he meant we would always be together. We were special from the start and remain so today.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
1:40 pm

you don’t have to do anything, just lie there and I’ll do all the word

Leggs, I have never said those words but I would be lying if I said I never “just layed there” kinda sorta. LOL But in my own defense that is the very infrequent times when I know the man has his needs but I am so not feeling it that evening. Just enough foreplay to get me lubed so he can be in and out and I can go to sleep.

Yep. I am okay every once in a while letting him get what he needs without me having to get off.

And long as he continues to be available and willing to pleasure me ( M or O) when he doesn’t want sex we have a fair deal.

Sometimes one of start out not really feeling it and find ourselves within minutes fully engulfed. Anybody can be persuaded. LOL

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
1:40 pm

Yall make me do the wrong things. I need to lay down for awhile.

Talk to yall later.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:42 pm

Raqi your engine gets warm very easy

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:44 pm

@PR ~ one may have done more damage than the other!

@LongTimeAgo ~ NICE!

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
1:45 pm

Purple – Cool!!

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:49 pm

@Raqi ~ I understand there are times when you’re fully into it and before the session is over you’re fully engulfed. I got that. I also got you have to let your man get his rocks off as well, especially when you’re not into it. But, to mouth those words shows insensitivity toward me and what may be going on for him to have received a “not tonight.” That’s all I’m saying. Listen, I’m not saying these words are said often, but when they are, men need to back up a little and see why its a “not tonight” kind of night.

BlackMagicWoman

February 10th, 2011
1:49 pm

“Speaking of passion and upchucking, has anyone ever gotten nauseous for whatever reason during any stages of doing the do?”

Never barfed…but I had an asthma attack during a “vocal session”. Hey….my airways were blocked. Don’t judge me! :lol:

RAQI….you need a spanking for eating Popeyes. But I’m going to ask that the male bloggers wait until after the boy is born before the spanking commences! :lol:
But back to that article you read…it’s true. If I am thinking that every time a car turns down the street…that it’s the repo man coming to take our cars….there is absolutely no tingling Vaginini going on! :lol:

PR…I have had quite a few heartbreaks to make me the way I am, steaming from childhood. I have also had one in the meantime guy who (who I did not care about) do something dirty to me. So I am very NON-trusting of men!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
1:51 pm

Black, well we should hook up and worse case scenario I will just have met your expectations. LOL

Fion

February 10th, 2011
1:54 pm

The Greeks Identified 4 types of Love, Eros” is Greek for sexual or carnal love, Philio” is friendship love, “storge,” which is family love and Agape is the type of love that is unconditional.

Just want to drop this, If you are working on your marriage, (seems like a lot of folk today said marriage is work) please know what you should be working on.
(IMHO) the goal should be moving yourself to the point of Loving your mate Unconditionally.

BlackMagicWoman

February 10th, 2011
2:00 pm

PURPLE is trying to have a crazed Pregnant woman chasing me down the street! :lol:

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
2:04 pm

@ Fion I love the thought of unconditional love. Unfortunately the closest I have come to it, whether in my marriage (failed), several LTRs (gone), even my childhood…was my dogs. They love me unconditionally…people, toooooo selfish and always conditional. If one does find someone who can love you unconditionally, and not so ugly you want to put your own eys out, then by all means take him/her home quickly. In the mean time, my sheltie and my Lhaso love me, even if my mama and exes don’t.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
2:05 pm

Oh and Fion… ;-) life is good anyway.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
2:10 pm

yeah I could go for some Eros right now. lol

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
2:11 pm

(Someone nudge that clock to see if it is moving. I come back to ATL this eve).

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:13 pm

Black, shes snowed in. LOL

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
2:14 pm

@RandyT ~ your mama doesn’ love you anymore…that’s an entirely new topic.

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
2:14 pm

Just recently, I was pondering whether or not my feelings for TheDude were unconditional. I questioned myself as to whether or not I would still love him the way that I do if something drastic about him changed – physically, mentally or even financially.

dd

February 10th, 2011
2:19 pm

Did it all for years……housework, dates, attention, you name it. If I hear another word about how the man doing housework is key to a good sex life, I’ll throw up……because it’s total BS. If the passion in a relationship (which whether you like it or not, to a man, centers around sexuality…….deal with it, it’s how we are wired) is a priority, then it is a priority. If its not, then there will be an endless litany of excuses as to what the man hasn’t done to “put her in the mood”. It’s like my wife finally got….I’m never in the mood to sit for an hour and talk about things I think are stupid, but I do it (and now enjoy it) because I know it’s important to her.

Please…for the sake or relationships across the country, stop making excuses, and start making passion a priority in your relationship.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
2:20 pm

If I am thinking that every time a car turns down the street…that it’s the repo man coming to take our cars

BlackMagic, Exactly.

Or walking thru the door thinking I am coming home to a surprise romantic candlelit evening just find out the power is off.

I have been in a married where we were pretty much dirt po but hey he was trying. We were young and he was doing the best he could. But entertaining the antics of some trifling man now at my age. Oh hecky nah. You ever heard of DRY ICE?

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
2:21 pm

Purple, actually it does not.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:22 pm

SexyCool, if I use the word love….I only know how to love one way and that is unconditionally. Maybe that’s why I have been in love very few times. If I don’t unconditionally love you that means I don’t love you at all. Mine doesn’t have degrees.

Fion

February 10th, 2011
2:30 pm

@ Randyt
I feel sorry for you . Not in a sarcastic fashion at all, but because you missed the point.
It’s not about how my mate loves me, but rather have I taken control to LOVE uncontionally.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
2:36 pm

if something drastic about him changed – physically, mentally or even financially

SexyCool, that is something I truly think one has to grow to and you probably are there. It’s an allowance that comes with commitment IMO. My hub has way more allowance now than he did when he and I were newly dating.

Everything is easier said than done, but I in my heart think that when you can imagine the very worse that can happen and you very first thought is to stay you are loving unconditionally.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:36 pm

I like my dogs but I don’t love them.

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
2:37 pm

PLito – I appreciate your point. However, I disagree about love being unconditional. Love has conditions. And at the very least, relationships have conditions. And really, I was considering whether or not I was of strong enough character to stay through the kinds of curve balls that life can throw at you. If I would be willing to remain in this relationship in spite of certain conditions.

My conclusion – it’s a step in the right direction that I even allowed myself to consider something catastrophic happening and the effect it would have on me, on him, on the relationship. It helps that I have a belief that if those tables were turned, I feel secure that he would be there for me regardless. And that love that we share right here, right now, today…feels like a forever kind of love.

And even it something happened today that would change tomorrow, the love that he has given me up to this point, feels like it would be enough.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:38 pm

Have you all ever seen “Me or the Do”?

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
2:41 pm

And y’all know me…my actual thought was, “I love this dude enough that, God forbid, I would stay if a chimpanzee mauled his face or he lost his legs in a car accident.”
(Don’t get much plainer than that.)

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:41 pm

SC-ooooooooooo, I was just speaking from my point of view and my life and how I love :) I don;t shre my love often I kind of guard it because I know if I get to that point there are no holds barred. Nobody in my life that I love can make me stop loving them, no will I still deal with them maybe not. Nothing my family can do, heck if my wife took on the whole Timberwolve’s line up. I will still love her but I won’t be with her anymore. I like to say being lovesick does not justify doing dumb sh1TT. I don’t think if you are really in love that love can be lost.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:43 pm

Me or the Dog

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
2:43 pm

I feel you, PLito. I’m just of the firm belief that folks can do things that kill your love for them.

And hence, on this particular point, we agree to disagree.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:46 pm

I don’t know if the news made it down there but a Somolian killed his whole family over in N.Dakota last week. The kids grew up in my parents house (they are Foster Parents) pretty sad the woman worked so hard to get her kids back, she got off drugs and the streets and after she was stable she got the kids back only to have her ex come in to kill them all except for the child he was the father of.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:48 pm

SCooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool, that is something neither one of us have to every worry about. You because he makes your heart smile and me because she knows I keep gasoline and matches on standby. LOL

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
2:49 pm

SexyCool and Purple, I think the conditions that fall under me doing my wifely duties and him doing his husband duties are not to even be compared to the unconditional that is questioned should life cripple or blind.

No I will not stay if he become a prick withholds from me, starts to mistreat me and stop taking care of home. And I know he would stay if I start to undermine and try to emasculate him. Everyone should have conditions and expectations from your mate.

My friend Mari husband has degenerative arthritis in his legs. His father could not walk by the time he was in his forties. His brother walks with a cane now in his 40’s. Mari’s husband only suffers mildly but they are both very much aware of what’s coming. She jokes about it and say she will have to be on top all the time when his legs give out but she knows one day he will not walk.

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
2:53 pm

Rock, you always make it so much plainer than I can.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
2:55 pm

Hey Fion, not looking for sympathy, my life is good. I did catch watch you said about being your loving unconditionally, just haven’t seem much eveidence of it, not just to me, but from me. It is something I would aspire toward, but in my marriage, one mistake I made was to love so much that I did not establish boundaries. Women will often, if not always, begin to disrespect a man who does that I realized years later. My wife took advantage of it and took it to mean that she could do anything and it was right. Eventually, when the resentment began to set in in me, she was too set in her ways to understand that she needed to back up some. Then things got worse.

Bottom line is that if a man tries to love unconditionally and in doing so does not establish boundaries, then he walks a very thin line between gaining greater love or getting total disrespect. That will depend mostly on the makeup of the woman, but I’ve dated so many divorced women who said they “lost respect” for their husbands…and then when questioned further, it was eveident that it was a minefield that any man would have hard time making it through.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
2:57 pm

A physical ailment or disease could not make me fall out of love. I might hire a hot sexy nurse to change her bedpan if needed but ailments I am still there.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:02 pm

Should you love someone more than you love yourself? What would you self sacrifice for love. Guys would if your wife’s life was on the line would you take her place? Organ donation, step in front of a rabid wolf a bullet? Would you pause before you acted? I know some parents will for one of their children, but would you do it for a spouse?

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:03 pm

SexyCool, just call us twin souls. LOL

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
3:03 pm

Leggs … re the Mama comment, not looking for or needing therapy, just suggesting that even a mother’s love is often conditional.

Also not suggesting I am having a love affair with my dogs ;-) , just saying that have have been there for me when no woman would step up…and have been there long after they have kicked me to the curb.

My Sheltie can honestly sense when I have been beaten up pretty good. She will look at me from across the room, assess my mood sort of, walk over to me and put her head in my lap, and look into my eyes and make me pet her for a couple of minutes. Then she will walk back over to her bed, sort of smile, and lay back down.

BlackMagicWoman

February 10th, 2011
3:06 pm

PURPLE…I don’t think I’d put my life in danger for a spouse. How many times have you seen a wife/husband give a kidney or piece of the liver, etc to save their spouse’s life. Only to have them get a new lease on life and leave them. Now for my child…yes I would, if I had one.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:06 pm

We raised rabbits loved them even gave them names. We also ate those same rabbits. Great life lesson. Somebody might show you love and take care of you but they will eat you too. LOL

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:07 pm

Black, would you expect your man to put his life on the line for you?

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:08 pm

I don’t think a woman should put her life on the line for her man but a man should for his woman.

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
3:10 pm

SCool – I had someone leave me when my father got sick. He was scared my dad would become an invalid and would interfere with our time together. That let me know his true colors. Plus, I had 3 brothers and a sister and we all worked together to take care of my father. The selfishness was so apparent though. He was with me at the hospital that day (dad had a stroke). He was restless and couldn’t wait to leave to go hang with his boys. I told him to go on, I had my family’s support. I didn’t talk to him any more until 7 years later, when my father passed. His own father was ill by then. I told him not only did my father not become an invalid, he actually was able to continue a limited medical practice. The last year of his life he developed lung cancer, so that, not the stroke, was what took him. But my ex was surprised his prediction did not come true. Coward.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
3:11 pm

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:11 pm

kimmie, that sucks

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
3:12 pm

Not to pick on BMW because what she said around 1:05 is totally accurate. Romance may not happen if finances aren’t right, and several more things. That is conditional. Not wrong, just conditional. The woman (or man) isn’t feeling it because (fill in the blank) is conditional. It is not necessarily about sex, it is about the attitude one displays to the other when they are not on the same plane at the same time. I had financial problems, and my ex kicked me to the curb. She would take me back in a heartbeat now, but I wouldn’t have her. Only using this as an example, my life (and love life) improved dramatically when I got a divorce. Just saying that unconditional is hard to find.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:13 pm

This little boy has his foot pressing against my “something” and it hurts. Good lawd. LOL

Purple how you compare giving your mate an organ to taking a bullet for them? That’s not even the same. God tells a man to love his wife the same as he loves his own body/self. He never said a man should give his life for his wife in the physical sense. Yes we all know men are protectors but no one expects you all to be jumping in front of bullets for us. Not on purpose that is.

I don’t think that I could live with myself if my husband died for me like that. Him doing all he can to get me out of harm’s way is enough. Don’t get yourself killed.
It’s a nice thought in theory but that there my son is not reality.

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
3:13 pm

Oh the bullets that we have dodged….

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
3:13 pm

Purple – I’ve dodged many bullets. It was such a blessing I didn’t marry him.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
3:14 pm

“We raised rabbits loved them even gave them names. We also ate those same rabbits. Great life lesson. Somebody might show you love and take care of you but they will eat you too. LOL”

Tooooo funnnny and toooo real.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
3:14 pm

@kimmie ~ that is horrible. He was scared over something that didn’t even materialize. Nevertheless, he was more concered with exercising his freedom than helping you navigate the rollercoaster you found yourself on. Good Riddance…

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
3:14 pm

LMAO. Too coincidental.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:15 pm

I’ve dodged many bullets. It was such a blessing I didn’t marry him.

That is one way to look at it. LOL

I guess a lot of people can look at it like that. One man coming along distracting you from another. Yep bullet dodged.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:19 pm

Raqi, I said give your life it was my example not organ donation etc. I mean something that would put ones life at risk so that the other may live. Whether it be a major organ or a bullet or situation.

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
3:19 pm

Leggs/Raqi/SCool – That is the stuff all the dating and asking questions and such will never reveal. That is God showing you what you could get yourself into if you choose to proceed with this person.

God will always show you, I do believe.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
3:20 pm

I’m intrigued about the “dying for you” dialogue. Personally I could die for a spouse and not think a whole lot about it, would walk out in front of a truck without batting an eye for any of my children. Death isn’t scary. And I am not talking about spiritual things either actually…felt this way long before I found any true faith. If you have lived a full life (and I have, not always good but NEVER boring), death while defending someone you care for is nothing. Not trying to sound macho, it just isn’t something to be afraid of. That is why I loved skydiving, rapelling, doing things that gaave a bit of an adrenalin rush…the rush far exceeds the fear. Just does.

BlackMagicWoman

February 10th, 2011
3:22 pm

“Black, would you expect your man to put his life on the line for you?”

Would I like him to..YEP. Do I expect it….nope!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
3:24 pm

I don’t think a woman should put her life on the line for her man but a man should for his woman.
Purp If you gave your life, how would your wife and child be affected by this (financially, emotionally, psychologically) going forward? Same question in the case that your wife gives her life for you. Which is the least worst scenario?

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:26 pm

Randyt, thank you. You noticed that I asked the guys, because I did not think women would understand that. If we were caught in a robbery and they put a gun to her head or my mothers head I would ask for them to take me instead. If she needed my heart to live I would give her mine no problem. If we were down by the river and a cat got after us I would try and distract the cat while she ran knowing good and well what that cat would do to me. Most men are not scared of death, it’s just a progression.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:27 pm

No Purple. And anybody that even expects their mate to do so has been smoking some bad grass.

Relationships are about giving of yourself not giving your life.

If you ever get with a woman that ask you that question “will you give your life for me” run in the opposite direction as fast and far as you can. She ain’t dealing with a full deck or she will have you up in some crazy mess all the time.

Yall be fighting everyday of your life. LOL

abc

February 10th, 2011
3:28 pm

Purple Rain, I’d do those things for my wife, without hesitation. I think that a key ingredient of a successful marriage is to put the other person’s interests ahead of your own. The challenge is to maintain that attitude no matter what happens over the course of years or decades.

I can relate to the doggy love, Randy. Mine follow me around like doggie shadows all the time, no matter the state of my or their feelings.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:30 pm

Dreams, I could not live with myself if my wife died and I had the ability to prevent it. I would feel like a coward. Also I think that a mother is more important to a child than a father is, it’s good to have them both but I think the mother is the key to the family. If I died my family would be there for my wife and financially…I have saved my whole life I still have Soo Woo money in addition to legal money in savings, I spend little and love saving plus thats the advantage of cropping, breeding and owning farm land. Something will always grow or be sold. Emotionally i would want her to remarry and make someone else home happy psychologiacally it would hurt me if I lived and she died and I did nothing.

abc

February 10th, 2011
3:31 pm

Raqi, the Bible states it explicitly, Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

If a man is not willing to give himself up for his wife, neither is she to be expected to submit to him. If that dynamic is not in place, the marriage has little chance of survival.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:31 pm

Randy, I would not walk out in front of a truck for anyone. However if I see one of my loved one in danger of being hit by a truck I will run out there to try to grab them out of the way. If that truck hits me while doing so then so be it. But just casually walking out there saying hit me and not them. Nope.

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
3:31 pm

We never know what we might do or feel should a situation hit. I would like to think I would make the right decision and do whatever possible should something unfortunate strike a loved one, be it spouse, child, relative, friend, etc. Some things you just can’t predict until they happen.

I remember speaking with an ex some years ago, right before I met my fiance’. This ex claimed he had wanted to marry me, but things didn’t work out with that LDR. Back when we dated, I was living with my parents and going to grad school. He said he was unsure about marrying me then because he didn’t think I would do whatever necessary for the relationship, I wasn’t “ride or die”. Back then I was very much still under the influence of my parents. I was not willing to give up all and move to Cali and shack, without even a ring. I remember getting mad when he said that. But thinking back, no, I guess if I was not willing to make that sacrifice maybe I wasn’t as in love with him as I thought. Or maybe I really was just using the common sense I had and the values my parents instilled in me. I don’t know, I’m much better off, I do know that. He didn’t have any trouble or waste any time finding someone to shack with & marry.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:32 pm

This is going to sound sexist but Raqi you are speaking from a womans point of view not a mans and it’s obvious that the majority of the men in here today feel the same way from a man’s point of view. We have two different points of view, so be it.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:32 pm

abc, that is not what that verse mean.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:35 pm

maybe I really was just using the common sense I had

Exactly.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:38 pm

Jesus had the choice not to die, but him sacrificing himself was the ultimate expression of love for all of us.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:39 pm

Purple, like I said trying to save my love one I may lose my life. But being expected to have the train of the thought of “I will freely take a bullet for you” I don’t get that.

Let me ask you this, what if your wife started the war, would you take the bullet? You two are out and she starts running off at the mouth at someone and they draw a gun or blade. Where is your love at that point?

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
3:40 pm

Thank you Raqi V, that verse doesn’t mean it that way!

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:40 pm

Jesus had the choice not to die, but him sacrificing himself was the ultimate expression of love for all of us.

Exactly, and God requires no other man to give his life for another. Jesus dying was for a purpose that no man can give to another.

abc

February 10th, 2011
3:42 pm

That is EXACTLY what that verse means, Raqi. What did Christ do to give himself up for the church? He willingly died on the cross.

Purple’s correct, I think, in that men and women will have different thoughts on this point. Likewise, men and women should have different perspectives on how one should submit to the other.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
3:42 pm

@PR ~ the love is there, but your brain is saying “Woman, didn’t I tell you keep your trap shut, now look at us. We have a gun in our faces.”

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:44 pm

And abc Jesus giving his life for the church was him denying the desires of his flesh to please The Father and to be an example to the church of what God wants from us.

That’s how a man gives his life for his wife. When he is tired he still gets out and goes to work. When he wants to do one thing with his money he puts in the house and provide what’s needed. When he wants to be alone he spends time with the wife. He doesn’t say hurtful things in anger. That’s giving your life for your family.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:45 pm

So Raqi you are saying that God/ did not have armies that actually lost their lives for others. Secret Service men protecting the president with their life Or all of those others overseas fighting for our freedom knowing good and well that they may die are not doing it for someone else? you think they are going against Gods will? If my wife started it could matter less. Hopefully I married someone smarter than that but if she pops off and gets mouthy and got threatened that would not change a thing. Any situation she is in and I can protect her life I will. I am sure you husband would to.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:46 pm

ABC, you’re gonna mislead somebody. Scriptures shouldn’t be molded to fit conveniently. The purpose of Christ’s death was to conquer sin…not just for the heck of it. While he was divine he was human and it was no easy task. The good book said he was in agony while heading to the cross. Remember he had to pray 3 times before taking on the final task of the death of the cross. So, you know if the son incarnate struggled (remove this bitter cup) to do it what about us nondivine folks? He willingly did it because his mission was to please God.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:47 pm

Last dying thought. “My husband stood there and did nothing” or “My man gave his life so that I could live”

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:47 pm

….and save an dying world

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
3:47 pm

That is EXACTLY what that verse means
In the same chapter, verse 2 it says that “Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” So, when the Bible speaks of Christ “giving himself up” later in the very same chapter, I would think that it has the same meaning as in the second verse.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:47 pm

Leggs, you are right it does not mean that.

Yeah God made man the protector but he never said a man should die in the instance they are trying to use.

Back breaking work, that’s giving your life. Long hours to provide food and shelter, that’s giving your life.

There are so many pancies now the steer away from marriage because they are afraid they may lose a dollar or get their hands dirty so their family will have. Those punks are not willing to give their lives.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:47 pm

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:48 pm

Okay so nobody is in place to say definitively what and why Jesus Christ died, all that is going on is pushing ones(POV) beliefs on the other. The first four books of the New Testament are all about the same story just told form different view points.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:49 pm

Thank you Celisea I knew you would jump in. It is misleading what he is saying.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:49 pm

or the thought might be “dumbass you should have just let me die”

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
3:49 pm

PR “Most men are not scared of death, it’s just a progression”.
EXACTLY

Raqi I understand your sentiment, but it is a man thing. We are, or at least used to be, taught from infancy that a man is supposed to protect his woman and his children. It has been his JOB since the Garden of Eden. It just is what it is.

I’ve got more than my share of faults, but somethings are just clear to a man. This is one…or should be.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:49 pm

Every man has an appointed day with death…why take somebody else’s turn? That’s not what God intends.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:50 pm

A woman made the choice to eat that apple too. LOL

Simple Man!!!

February 10th, 2011
3:50 pm

If a man is not willing to give himself up for his wife, neither is she to be expected to submit to him. If that dynamic is not in place, the marriage has little chance of survival.

DAMN….And all I want is a woman thats ok with washing the dishes sometimes…..

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:50 pm

Raqi – I’ve been good today but I’m smh on that one…whew

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
3:51 pm

Purple – It wasn’t an apple, it was a quince.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:52 pm

And furthermore here is some homework, there is an instance in the Bible of man giving his life for his family as directed. If you don’t know what it is I will post it in the a.m.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:52 pm

DreamsMat, you know how a mother gives her life for her kids.

When I would like to be asleep I am up nursing and comforting them in their illness or restlessness. Days when I would like to have went out with my man or girlfriends I didn’t so I could do what my child needed. I make sure my family all has food on their plates before I take a seat at the table.

That’s giving your life. It’s not casually walking in front of freight truck.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:53 pm

Simple Man – You’re right in what you want. All that other stuff, jumping in front of a moving train all in the name of love…ut uh. I’m not doing it. I’ll yell that a train is coming but that’s about all I can do. I’ll do it for my kid though.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
3:53 pm

You two are out and she starts running off at the mouth at someone and they draw a gun or blade.
I would protect my wife at all costs. Now, if we make it out alive, I’m gonna have to let her know that shyyyyyyt wasn’t cool. Of course if that’s a pattern I saw from the beginning, then I wouldn’t be marrying her in the first place. If she loves me as I love her, then she would unwittingly put my life in danger just because she knows I’d give it up.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:55 pm

jumping in front of a moving train all in the name of love…ut uh

LOL God gave us common sense. I will try to get my husband and kids out of harms way and may die trying. But saying move out the way let me take your place. God don’t ask us to do that.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
3:58 pm

AAAhhhh Raqi… I jsut don’t believe that or that you wouldn’t. I do know that the men I have seen in my life who held on to living that tightly never really lived. I was managing the health and safety of a cell tower crew once. These dudes risked their lives every day. They all wore shirts that said, “a life lived in fear is a life half lived”. I agree.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:58 pm

Dreams, you mean it’s not situational? Whaaaaa? (sarcasm) lol

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:58 pm

I will try to get my husband and kids out of harms way and may die trying.

And knowing there’s a possibility you could die, IMO is love. Not that you’re willing to give you life for their life. Sort of like a person running back into the fire to rescue. They don’t want to die and don’t intend but because of compassion and love, it’s possible.

But saying move out the way let me take your place. God don’t ask us to do that.

Exactly. And all it will amount to is a story that’s told. Well, my husband…God rest his soul…let the train knock him 50 different ways because he loved me….this being told to my new love..lol

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:59 pm

Please make sure you are here in the morning. LOL

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:01 pm

DreamsMat, if you all make it out alive you didn’t take the bullet. You more than likely diffused the situation. That’s not the same thing.
If someone is about to shoot her because she wronged them I can’t imagine you walking in with your Superman suit on and your hands on your hip saying “I’ll take that bullet”. LOL I don’t see that happening.

That’s just not a reasonable request to ask of someone.

My husband is giving his life right now for me. He is here working so he can tend to my needs. He could be at his office not having to get me a glass of water or cook my breakfast. But he has adjusted his life to be here with me. That’s all I can ask and that is reasonable.

When I was giving birth so Elizabeth I was having contractions so bad at one he said he wish he could do something to help ease them. But he never said he wished he could bare those pains for me. He did his part. He was there and he has not stop being a providing father since.

Simple Man!!!

February 10th, 2011
4:02 pm

Anybody have any idea what a train will do to the human body?????

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
4:03 pm

I’m going home. Have a great evening y’all.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:03 pm

They don’t want to die and don’t intend

LOL Celisea, I just asked my husband would he die for me he said not if there is a way we can avoid it. LOL

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
4:05 pm

But he did not say no though, did he. Just said not his first choice.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:06 pm

PR “Most men are not scared of death, it’s just a progression”.
EXACTLY

Randy, so why do you swirve to prevent hitting that car? Or why does your heat beat fast when that oncoming car just barely missed you?

abc

February 10th, 2011
4:06 pm

It’s not misleading, nor an interpretation; it is literally what it says.

The model for a husband’s role in marriage is Christ; the model for a wife’s role is the church. Christ gave his life as a sacrifice to God for the church. It’s stated over and over.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:06 pm

Raqi – 4:03

That’s a more realistic answer.

Umm, Simple Man you planning on standing in front of a train? Want to know the severity first?

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:06 pm

One of yall is giving me distress. LOL

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:07 pm

Every man has an appointed day with death…why take somebody else’s turn? That’s not what God intends.
If you take someone else’s turn, then that was your appointed time and what GOD intended.

That’s giving your life. It’s not casually walking in front of freight truck.
Raqi who said “casually” walking in front of a truck? why would ANYONE (who isn’t suicidal) do that? I interpreted what they were saying as them being in a situation where they had to put their own life at risk to save yours. Example that comes to mind is you’re home alone and fall asleep and somehow your house catches on fire. Your husband pulls up and sees the blaze. Knowing you’re on bed rest, he knows there’s a possibility you’re still inside. He runs in to save you, thus putting his life at risk to save yours. That’s what I thought the guys were saying, not let me cover myself in cow blood and jump into a sea of sharks just for the heck of it. lol

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:08 pm

Home invasion kids are gone to granny’s just you and your husband in there, cops get wind of it and come. Hostage situation. The invaders has both of you on your knees with guns to the head trying to decide who he is going to let go. Your punk husband says “choose me choose me” lol

There is not one happily married man who would not “stand in the gap” for his wife. Keyword is happy and that’s for atheist, muslims, buddhist etc. LOL

Until the morning….and I will post the example of it in the Bible and I just googled and it’s says the same thing in King James, the NIV and the New KJ etc.

a presto

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
4:09 pm

I’m glad I’m not Jesus…and y’all probably should be too.

(lol)

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:11 pm

DreamsMat, that’s not how Purple asked the question. Giving your heart for your wife is not putting your life at risk. That’s choosing to die.

I have no doubt that my husband will act on instinct to try to rescue me however I also have no doubt that he goes around saying I will walk thru fire for my wife.

And you men are some of biggest babies. Should we women talk about the “Man Cold”? LOL

I got to leave you all be. This fetal monitor is telling on me. I have to lay down.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:12 pm

Yep your appointed time is your appointed time no matter what you are doing some have lived from a plane crash when everyone else died, congress woman in Arizona got shot in the head pointblank. A lot of people would have died from that but she survived because it was not her appointed time. A few people over there died jumping in front of bullets for others too.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:13 pm

If you take someone else’s turn, then that was your appointed time and what GOD intended.

God foresees the future and knows the outcome but again you jumping in front of a bus or train cause you love some IS NOT what he intends. But gone ‘head and twist it.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:14 pm

In my question I said, bullet, heart or rabid wolf. Three examples all in the same sentence I did not raise the priority of one of the other, they all involved a situation in which one would almost have to risk death in order to save the other.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:14 pm

Things going bump in the night, man says to his wife “would you go check that out?” LOL

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
4:15 pm

P-Lito – using that example as a qualifier, wouldn’t the question be “Would you jump in front of a bullet for ANYbody?” Doesn’t matter the relationship.

Simple Man!!!

February 10th, 2011
4:16 pm

Celisea, Noooo sweetness…LOL..Not planning on jumping in front of a train..That ish looks like it may hurt!!! Now I ain’t not punk or nothing, but……

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:17 pm

who saves who is a gay/lesbian relationship?

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:19 pm

God foresees the future and knows the outcome but again you jumping in front of a bus or train cause you love some IS NOT what he intends. But gone ‘head and twist it.
How am I twisting it? And who is talking about jumping in front of a train for absolutely no reason at all? Who in the world would do that? My example of the fire was the same as yours, so we’re actually in agreement, not at odds. Don’t make me put you in a headlock. ;-)

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:20 pm

Simple Man – That ish looks like it may hurt!!! Now I ain’t not punk or nothing, but……

LOL..that was funny and probably as authentic of an answer (IMO) that’s been said today…in this discussion. BTW, it’s not a soft look to admit. lol

AmazonRed™

February 10th, 2011
4:20 pm

Why does my job serve alcohol during working hours then expect us to be productive afterwards?

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:20 pm

SCoooooooooo- I think I said spouse in my initial question. But I would not be the one who stood by if I saw you SexyCool getting mugged by two robbers with guns I will do my best to try and help you physically, if I get shot in the process and hurt or may die at least I did something and did not just watch or runaway and call the cops. Even if my wife was with me she knows the type of man I am and would not try and stop me as I sent her away to safety. It’s just inherit in some men to act

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:21 pm

Not the headlock Dreams……lol

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
4:21 pm

They got apple martinis over there?

I need to work where YOU work.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:23 pm

Not the headlock Dreams……lol
Celisea ok how just a hug then. ;-)

ARed they got you tipsy over there? lol

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:23 pm

Women all out of position and talking, I even directed my question towards the “guys” and asked about a wife. Now all these women who don’t need saving started talking.

My 3:02 post

Should you love someone more than you love yourself? What would you self sacrifice for love. Guys, would if your wife’s life was on the line would you take her place? Organ donation, step in front of a rabid wolf a bullet? Would you pause before you acted? I know some parents will for one of their children, but would you do it for a spouse?

abc

February 10th, 2011
4:23 pm

From a Biblical perspective, gay and lesbian relationships are not, by definition, marriage. They are not comprised of a husband and wife.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:24 pm

Celisea ok how just a hug then.

Dreams, you’re alright with me :)

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:26 pm

Dreams, you’re alright with me
Celisea I wear that approval with great pride.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:27 pm

Amazon I used your name in a joke yesterday you would have been proud :)

BlackMagicWoman

February 10th, 2011
4:28 pm

“I’m glad I’m not Jesus…and y’all probably should be too.”

SCOOL….me too girl! That is waaaaaaaay too much work and to high of expectations! :lol:

“Why does my job serve alcohol during working hours then expect us to be productive afterwards?”
ARED…that’s my kind of job. Where do I sendmy application and resume? :lol:

AmazonRed™

February 10th, 2011
4:28 pm

Only beers today. It’s someone’s bday and he doesn’t like cake so he asked for beers instead and so it is…

But we do have happy hours here on the regular. The company cabinets are always full with wine, rum…etc. I just noticed there is a half a bottle of Goose in there. Good thing no one here is in treatment… :lol:

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:36 pm

@ARed ~ you would not have been proud of his joke (LOL).

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:37 pm

Yes should would have Leggs, it was funny and you know it. LOL

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:39 pm

“she would have” this autofill on the iPad sucks at times

AmazonRed™

February 10th, 2011
4:39 pm

Tell me the joke or tell me what time it was posted….

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 10th, 2011
4:45 pm

Howdy folks… Late checking in… From the looks of things, it’s probably best I missed out on some of this… :lol:

But to answer Purple’s question:

“Guys, would if your wife’s life was on the line would you take her place? Organ donation, step in front of a rabid wolf a bullet?”

Yes, I would, out of pure instinct. And any man who wouldn’t isn’t much of a man, IMO. My wife’s (and/or family’s) well being comes before mine — in all things. Period. And I don’t need an invisible man in the sky or his make-believe book to make me feel that way… :lol:

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 10th, 2011
4:45 pm

Oh, I almost forgot…

SET MY BROTHER FREE!!!! FREE ME-LO!!!!

IN DENIAL

February 10th, 2011
4:45 pm

abc@3:31

You really should do some serious research on the scriptures before quoting them. Sorry, Christ gave himself up for her yes, her meaning his flock, his followers. Those who wanted to more than he needed to become his follower at sometime to receive everlasting life.

Many women use this scripture to justify not following their husbands lead. A husband should love her like he loves himself & yes listen to her. Doesn’t mean she is the head of him. God’s word states she could never be. The mis-representation on this scripture as well a the account of Abraham & Sarah have caused many problems for marriage mates.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:49 pm

Swiss I asked “her” about “him” and “she” did not respond. LOL

Oh yeah, I covered you in a later post and said it was a man thing and not a religion thing. LOL

Manbearpig would have you save her anyway though

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:50 pm

Amazon, we were having a “where are they now” moment asking for missing bloggers to come back and someone mentioned Beautiful and I said.

“Everyone except Beautiful, where’s AmazonRed”

LOL

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:51 pm

God what not have you change your name to an alias to post it says that in the Bible “Come as you are” LOL

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:52 pm

PR’s Joke: “Slim go with a Vin Santo you might like it if you want a sweet red. Not a bitter red like AmazonRed.”

My response: @PR ~ that was funny, a bitter red like ARed. The girl is not bitter, just a straight shooter (LOL).

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:53 pm

Leggs, oops I forget about that joke. Let’s just keep that one between us. Do over!

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:53 pm

Would not have you change

AmazonRed™

February 10th, 2011
4:55 pm

“Slim go with a Vin Santo you might like it if you want a sweet red. Not a bitter red like AmazonRed.”

Wow…bitter…really now. :?

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:57 pm

AmazingRed, that was not the joke I was referring but obviously Leggs brought it back to the forefront. I love you more than Simple Man ever could, I’d bet the farm. LOL

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:58 pm

Leggs, are you my nemesis this year?

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:58 pm

:lol: No doubt he was joking. Look, he’s betting the farm on you!

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:59 pm

@PR ~ :lol: Not at all. You brought up the joke from yesterday so I just helped you along in finding it. :lol:

You know I loves my Italian Studmuffin.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
5:00 pm

Leggs that was the wrong joke. Your new booty and tatas are making us not be on the same page anymore. LOL

“Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.”

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
5:02 pm

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who matter don’t mind and those who mind, DON’T MATTER!

Nite!

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
5:02 pm

“Sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of the one you love, is by far, the truest type of love.”

Sacrificing your life for the life of the one you love, is the craziest thing since civilization :) :)

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
5:03 pm

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
5:09 pm

Believing a woman knows what she wants is the craziest thing since civilization…no listening to women is. LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
5:12 pm

Fion

February 10th, 2011
5:14 pm

The craziest thing is being married to some one, working on everthing, but Loving that person unconditionally.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
5:15 pm

Hush PR….just cutting up.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
5:16 pm

Oh wait, that was FION…sorry PR, it was so easy to assume you typed that 5:14

Fion

February 10th, 2011
5:17 pm

Yeah, late meeting. Got a few more things I need to do. Checked in one last time.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
5:17 pm

See how women do, they just accuse you naturally.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
5:21 pm

See how women do, they just accuse you naturally.

Hush PR

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
5:21 pm

Fion, how is that volley ball player doing?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
5:22 pm

Celisea, make me hush. LOL

Fion

February 10th, 2011
5:23 pm

Steady as she goes Captain.!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
5:37 pm

That’s great Fion!

JP

February 10th, 2011
10:44 pm

Marriage doesn’t have to end up passionless and sexless. What either party did to get the other party in the beginning can’t change once they say “I do.” You can’t ever stop putting in effort. Marriage is 24/7 – 365. Sometimes, one partner may be required to give a little more than the other partner and vice-versa but at no time should either one just completely give up. Communication is important and making sure you make time for one another. Become each others best friend before you get married and the desire to protect and cultivate the relationship will never leave. Because face it, most people treat their friends better than their mate.