accessAtlanta

City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP
City & State or ZIP Tonight, this weekend, May 5th...
City & State or ZIP

Scared of a marriage minus the passion?

I am fully aware that I can be a hopeless romantic at times. I’m not delusional about the “fluff I see in movies” kind of romance. I’m just all about passion in a relationship. I just love the idea of being with the one person that truly does it for me – connecting to them on many levels. Passion is important! Am I being naive, though?

One of the many, many fears I have about settling down and marrying is being stuck in a marriage that lacks passion. Do you ever think about what you would do if you ended up with a marriage that had mediocre sex, constant fighting, and awful communication? That sounds like my version of hell!

I have seen some marriages that seem to fit this profile. I always wonder if they were ever in love and passionate about one another. How do couples manage to get so far away from how it was in the beginning?

So I don’t feel like a completely irrational freak, is there something about marriage you fear?

It would be great to have folks who have been there (are there now and are willing to go back) and can give us a true depiction of what it’s like. What keeps you passionate about your significant other? Chime in an dispel the misconceptions! It’s not all bad, I’m sure.

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Blog

332 comments Add your comment

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:50 pm

A woman made the choice to eat that apple too. LOL

Simple Man!!!

February 10th, 2011
3:50 pm

If a man is not willing to give himself up for his wife, neither is she to be expected to submit to him. If that dynamic is not in place, the marriage has little chance of survival.

DAMN….And all I want is a woman thats ok with washing the dishes sometimes…..

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:50 pm

Raqi – I’ve been good today but I’m smh on that one…whew

kimmie

February 10th, 2011
3:51 pm

Purple – It wasn’t an apple, it was a quince.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:52 pm

And furthermore here is some homework, there is an instance in the Bible of man giving his life for his family as directed. If you don’t know what it is I will post it in the a.m.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:52 pm

DreamsMat, you know how a mother gives her life for her kids.

When I would like to be asleep I am up nursing and comforting them in their illness or restlessness. Days when I would like to have went out with my man or girlfriends I didn’t so I could do what my child needed. I make sure my family all has food on their plates before I take a seat at the table.

That’s giving your life. It’s not casually walking in front of freight truck.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:53 pm

Simple Man – You’re right in what you want. All that other stuff, jumping in front of a moving train all in the name of love…ut uh. I’m not doing it. I’ll yell that a train is coming but that’s about all I can do. I’ll do it for my kid though.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
3:53 pm

You two are out and she starts running off at the mouth at someone and they draw a gun or blade.
I would protect my wife at all costs. Now, if we make it out alive, I’m gonna have to let her know that shyyyyyyt wasn’t cool. Of course if that’s a pattern I saw from the beginning, then I wouldn’t be marrying her in the first place. If she loves me as I love her, then she would unwittingly put my life in danger just because she knows I’d give it up.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
3:55 pm

jumping in front of a moving train all in the name of love…ut uh

LOL God gave us common sense. I will try to get my husband and kids out of harms way and may die trying. But saying move out the way let me take your place. God don’t ask us to do that.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
3:58 pm

AAAhhhh Raqi… I jsut don’t believe that or that you wouldn’t. I do know that the men I have seen in my life who held on to living that tightly never really lived. I was managing the health and safety of a cell tower crew once. These dudes risked their lives every day. They all wore shirts that said, “a life lived in fear is a life half lived”. I agree.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:58 pm

Dreams, you mean it’s not situational? Whaaaaa? (sarcasm) lol

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
3:58 pm

I will try to get my husband and kids out of harms way and may die trying.

And knowing there’s a possibility you could die, IMO is love. Not that you’re willing to give you life for their life. Sort of like a person running back into the fire to rescue. They don’t want to die and don’t intend but because of compassion and love, it’s possible.

But saying move out the way let me take your place. God don’t ask us to do that.

Exactly. And all it will amount to is a story that’s told. Well, my husband…God rest his soul…let the train knock him 50 different ways because he loved me….this being told to my new love..lol

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
3:59 pm

Please make sure you are here in the morning. LOL

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:01 pm

DreamsMat, if you all make it out alive you didn’t take the bullet. You more than likely diffused the situation. That’s not the same thing.
If someone is about to shoot her because she wronged them I can’t imagine you walking in with your Superman suit on and your hands on your hip saying “I’ll take that bullet”. LOL I don’t see that happening.

That’s just not a reasonable request to ask of someone.

My husband is giving his life right now for me. He is here working so he can tend to my needs. He could be at his office not having to get me a glass of water or cook my breakfast. But he has adjusted his life to be here with me. That’s all I can ask and that is reasonable.

When I was giving birth so Elizabeth I was having contractions so bad at one he said he wish he could do something to help ease them. But he never said he wished he could bare those pains for me. He did his part. He was there and he has not stop being a providing father since.

Simple Man!!!

February 10th, 2011
4:02 pm

Anybody have any idea what a train will do to the human body?????

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
4:03 pm

I’m going home. Have a great evening y’all.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:03 pm

They don’t want to die and don’t intend

LOL Celisea, I just asked my husband would he die for me he said not if there is a way we can avoid it. LOL

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 10th, 2011
4:05 pm

But he did not say no though, did he. Just said not his first choice.

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:06 pm

PR “Most men are not scared of death, it’s just a progression”.
EXACTLY

Randy, so why do you swirve to prevent hitting that car? Or why does your heat beat fast when that oncoming car just barely missed you?

abc

February 10th, 2011
4:06 pm

It’s not misleading, nor an interpretation; it is literally what it says.

The model for a husband’s role in marriage is Christ; the model for a wife’s role is the church. Christ gave his life as a sacrifice to God for the church. It’s stated over and over.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:06 pm

Raqi – 4:03

That’s a more realistic answer.

Umm, Simple Man you planning on standing in front of a train? Want to know the severity first?

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:06 pm

One of yall is giving me distress. LOL

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:07 pm

Every man has an appointed day with death…why take somebody else’s turn? That’s not what God intends.
If you take someone else’s turn, then that was your appointed time and what GOD intended.

That’s giving your life. It’s not casually walking in front of freight truck.
Raqi who said “casually” walking in front of a truck? why would ANYONE (who isn’t suicidal) do that? I interpreted what they were saying as them being in a situation where they had to put their own life at risk to save yours. Example that comes to mind is you’re home alone and fall asleep and somehow your house catches on fire. Your husband pulls up and sees the blaze. Knowing you’re on bed rest, he knows there’s a possibility you’re still inside. He runs in to save you, thus putting his life at risk to save yours. That’s what I thought the guys were saying, not let me cover myself in cow blood and jump into a sea of sharks just for the heck of it. lol

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:08 pm

Home invasion kids are gone to granny’s just you and your husband in there, cops get wind of it and come. Hostage situation. The invaders has both of you on your knees with guns to the head trying to decide who he is going to let go. Your punk husband says “choose me choose me” lol

There is not one happily married man who would not “stand in the gap” for his wife. Keyword is happy and that’s for atheist, muslims, buddhist etc. LOL

Until the morning….and I will post the example of it in the Bible and I just googled and it’s says the same thing in King James, the NIV and the New KJ etc.

a presto

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
4:09 pm

I’m glad I’m not Jesus…and y’all probably should be too.

(lol)

Raqi V

February 10th, 2011
4:11 pm

DreamsMat, that’s not how Purple asked the question. Giving your heart for your wife is not putting your life at risk. That’s choosing to die.

I have no doubt that my husband will act on instinct to try to rescue me however I also have no doubt that he goes around saying I will walk thru fire for my wife.

And you men are some of biggest babies. Should we women talk about the “Man Cold”? LOL

I got to leave you all be. This fetal monitor is telling on me. I have to lay down.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:12 pm

Yep your appointed time is your appointed time no matter what you are doing some have lived from a plane crash when everyone else died, congress woman in Arizona got shot in the head pointblank. A lot of people would have died from that but she survived because it was not her appointed time. A few people over there died jumping in front of bullets for others too.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:13 pm

If you take someone else’s turn, then that was your appointed time and what GOD intended.

God foresees the future and knows the outcome but again you jumping in front of a bus or train cause you love some IS NOT what he intends. But gone ‘head and twist it.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:14 pm

In my question I said, bullet, heart or rabid wolf. Three examples all in the same sentence I did not raise the priority of one of the other, they all involved a situation in which one would almost have to risk death in order to save the other.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:14 pm

Things going bump in the night, man says to his wife “would you go check that out?” LOL

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
4:15 pm

P-Lito – using that example as a qualifier, wouldn’t the question be “Would you jump in front of a bullet for ANYbody?” Doesn’t matter the relationship.

Simple Man!!!

February 10th, 2011
4:16 pm

Celisea, Noooo sweetness…LOL..Not planning on jumping in front of a train..That ish looks like it may hurt!!! Now I ain’t not punk or nothing, but……

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:17 pm

who saves who is a gay/lesbian relationship?

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:19 pm

God foresees the future and knows the outcome but again you jumping in front of a bus or train cause you love some IS NOT what he intends. But gone ‘head and twist it.
How am I twisting it? And who is talking about jumping in front of a train for absolutely no reason at all? Who in the world would do that? My example of the fire was the same as yours, so we’re actually in agreement, not at odds. Don’t make me put you in a headlock. ;-)

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:20 pm

Simple Man – That ish looks like it may hurt!!! Now I ain’t not punk or nothing, but……

LOL..that was funny and probably as authentic of an answer (IMO) that’s been said today…in this discussion. BTW, it’s not a soft look to admit. lol

AmazonRed™

February 10th, 2011
4:20 pm

Why does my job serve alcohol during working hours then expect us to be productive afterwards?

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:20 pm

SCoooooooooo- I think I said spouse in my initial question. But I would not be the one who stood by if I saw you SexyCool getting mugged by two robbers with guns I will do my best to try and help you physically, if I get shot in the process and hurt or may die at least I did something and did not just watch or runaway and call the cops. Even if my wife was with me she knows the type of man I am and would not try and stop me as I sent her away to safety. It’s just inherit in some men to act

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:21 pm

Not the headlock Dreams……lol

SexyCool

February 10th, 2011
4:21 pm

They got apple martinis over there?

I need to work where YOU work.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:23 pm

Not the headlock Dreams……lol
Celisea ok how just a hug then. ;-)

ARed they got you tipsy over there? lol

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:23 pm

Women all out of position and talking, I even directed my question towards the “guys” and asked about a wife. Now all these women who don’t need saving started talking.

My 3:02 post

Should you love someone more than you love yourself? What would you self sacrifice for love. Guys, would if your wife’s life was on the line would you take her place? Organ donation, step in front of a rabid wolf a bullet? Would you pause before you acted? I know some parents will for one of their children, but would you do it for a spouse?

abc

February 10th, 2011
4:23 pm

From a Biblical perspective, gay and lesbian relationships are not, by definition, marriage. They are not comprised of a husband and wife.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 10th, 2011
4:24 pm

Celisea ok how just a hug then.

Dreams, you’re alright with me :)

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:26 pm

Dreams, you’re alright with me
Celisea I wear that approval with great pride.

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:27 pm

Amazon I used your name in a joke yesterday you would have been proud :)

BlackMagicWoman

February 10th, 2011
4:28 pm

“I’m glad I’m not Jesus…and y’all probably should be too.”

SCOOL….me too girl! That is waaaaaaaay too much work and to high of expectations! :lol:

“Why does my job serve alcohol during working hours then expect us to be productive afterwards?”
ARED…that’s my kind of job. Where do I sendmy application and resume? :lol:

AmazonRed™

February 10th, 2011
4:28 pm

Only beers today. It’s someone’s bday and he doesn’t like cake so he asked for beers instead and so it is…

But we do have happy hours here on the regular. The company cabinets are always full with wine, rum…etc. I just noticed there is a half a bottle of Goose in there. Good thing no one here is in treatment… :lol:

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 10th, 2011
4:36 pm

@ARed ~ you would not have been proud of his joke (LOL).

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:37 pm

Yes should would have Leggs, it was funny and you know it. LOL

Purple Rain

February 10th, 2011
4:39 pm

“she would have” this autofill on the iPad sucks at times