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Their dating mistakes, but do you pay the price?

I think it was Abraham Lincoln that said “I don’t think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.”  This is especially true when we think about how little we knew about love, sex, and relationships before compared to what we know now! Would you say that you are smarter now?

Of course,  there are relationship lessons that some people refuse to learn. It sort of has this butterfly effect that can actually effect other people. I know I’ve been stuck on stupid before and it probably turned into a train wreck for someone else.

I’m sure that some poor soul has had to pay the price of bad decisions made by somebody else.  A cheating wife or girlfriend has made some guy super paranoid or bitter.  A possessive or jealous man has turned a once free spirited woman into a guarded person that doesn’t let anyone in.

Do you think that your dating mistakes has caused another person to endure challenges?

Do you ever feel as if you are paying the relationship price of somebody else and their mistakes?

Does this ever happen in a good way? Do you reap the benefits of someone’s hard work from your significant other’s previous relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

309 comments Add your comment

ndivhu

February 8th, 2011
8:34 am

i like layds

ndivhu

February 8th, 2011
8:34 am

Enter your comments here

ndivhu

February 8th, 2011
8:36 am

Enter your comments here ndi ri ndi funa vhasadzi nga mbulu yanga wee

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
8:37 am

Sure, it’s called baggage. Everyone has it. I know that some of the retarded sh!t my ex wife put me through has affected other women. I try to recognize the cause and affect and improve myself. I try to only carry at most an overnight bag.

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
8:39 am

how many million people in this city and I have to post behind a tard?

Lady

February 8th, 2011
8:59 am

YAK- too funny! -I try to only carry at most an overnight bag. -how many million people in this city and I have to post behind a tard?

q1

February 8th, 2011
9:04 am

Now i have been dating for some time. A few decades. I am looking for the quintesential woman, attractive, rich, and that is about it. Have I set my standards to high? Of course, i am not perfect, should I lower my standards and look for someone sort of ordinary, but has a warm passionate inner self? I am not getting any younger[in my 70s] should i speed it up a little? I will ask my PT.

LeeH1

February 8th, 2011
9:41 am

Even worse than learning from your own mistakes, is learning from other people. There are so many horror stories out there, many of them not true, that many women firmly believe and try to prevent. Talk about baggage!

If every man is a predator, how well do you have to know a man to let your guard down, and to stop looking for clues to his evil nature?

Paranoid women are not good dates, and I frequently drop ‘em.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
9:44 am

Good early morning to all.

What’s happening to the blog participation? Did my memo get lost in the mail that the party is over? LOL

I know for a fact that a man or two paid for my broken heart. And I know that a man is very much benefiting from lessons learned. And a few ‘tricks’ learned. :wink:

I can name a few dating occasions where I was very much aware that I was sitting across from a man that had experienced his heart being snatched from his chest and handed to him in his hand.

We have to grow from those incidents of hurt and despair. If you never grow then you will never to better or differently. That growing process is a learning process. We learn from our experiences and mistakes. ‘Life is a teacher by experiences. Speculation is the entertainment of fools.’ ~ Jorge

Just like we learn what not to do from the past we also get to learn what to do.

I have said many times that while I endured some hurt it made me a better person in the end. It made me more aware and touch me to pay attention and chose better.

And then in all of how great we may feel that we are, it’s exceptionally fulfilling to get with a person that makes you want to be an even better person.

I had things already moving in a good/better direction when I started dating the hub. Life had forced it on me. But getting with and being with him has made me what to do even more. Be more. Experience more. I know that I do the same for him. His has not neglected to let that be known.

Yeah we still have our moments. Every day is not Sunday. But at some point in time, like WiseDiva stated, we all should learn better and do better.

[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Chris Ties and Marissa Alexander, Downtown Atlanta. Downtown Atlanta said: Their dating mistakes, but do you pay the price?: I think it was Abraham Lincoln that said “I don’t think much of a… http://dlvr.it/G4Rc4 [...]

For Real

February 8th, 2011
9:58 am

On topic: Everybody plays the fool at least once in their life. The key is not to assume the role of victim as your defense. See your mistakes, own up to them, and then forgive yourself. See the other person’s mistakes, acknowledge them, and then forgive them. Once you do that you free yourself to move on. Like my paw-paw use to say “Boy! Lookin back gon cause you to run into somethem”

Raqi: This is one for you: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/padma_lakshmi_adam_dell_fight_over_hdpkgxc35ir0KId4IVUA4K

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
9:59 am

Hi WD, Raqi, All…

The biggest casualty of relationships is the capacity to open up and be vulnerable in a relationship after one has circled the block a few (or a bunch in my case) times. Whether it is me, you, or any partner, we all have a tendency to put another row of bricks on that wall that we build arround us after each involvement. So my take is…

“Do you ever feel as if you are paying the relationship price of somebody else and their mistakes?”

ALWAYS!!!!! Let’s face it, most of us walked away, were kicked to the curb, or run over by a freight train in the past. That eventually often results in being jaded, overly cautious, and just plain scared if we are truly honest. These events color the way we approach new relationships (both parties) and frankly cause trouble pretty often…and it gets worse as the parties age because there are more experiences to draw red flags from.

Does this ever happen in a good way? Do you reap the benefits of someone’s hard work from your significant other’s previous relationship?

Seldom. Pluses…better, much more experienced lover because of the different experiences perhaps (hopefully). Minuses…become hardened and it gets harder and harder to allow vulnerability.

Sometimes, frankly, maybe being in a relationship just seems like too much work. Not good.

big meech

February 8th, 2011
10:07 am

my last date was raped repeatedly by her ex and his friends. when i tried to rape her, she pepper sprayed me.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
10:11 am

@ For Real

“Once you do that you free yourself to move on”. Absolutely

“Like my paw-paw use to say “Boy! Lookin back gon cause you to run into somethem” I like that. Will put it in my “remember this” file ;-)

Kat

February 8th, 2011
10:15 am

Diva: “…can actually effect other people.” It should be affect, as it is used as a verb. Grammatical mistakes affect my love life, but the effect is minimal.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
10:17 am

Good morning.

I was told last night that my wall is 2 high up, but he’s going to try to make me his woman then wife! This is coming my ex-husband. I politely told him that I don’t backtrack and I have no intention of dating him. Wished him well in his quest for love, but it won’t be with me.

I say all that to say that RandyT is right :arrow: “See your mistakes, own up to them, and then forgive yourself. See the other person’s mistakes, acknowledge them, and then forgive them.” Then, you K.I.M. No need to ignore someone who has their attention on you. Most miss the well once the water runs dry, but it’s not just one person’s fault. It’s only your fault if you let yourself fall victim to the same BS because someone is nice in the beginning when they’re trying to get at you! More than likely no one changes, just the way they play the game! Dating sucks, but it’s one of our many necessary evils!

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
10:19 am

Some folks need to walk around with a warning label that reads “You should be better protected from mayhem like me.”

I know, I’ve run into a few of them. Fortunately, lessons learned and when I encountered behavior that is unacceptable, I moved quickly in the other direction.

I consciously work to not make TheDude pay the price of the sins of others. Not always so easy. But, I have stopped *looking* for/expecting bad behavior from him and now, trust him enough to believe that he is who he says he is and who he has demonstrated himself to be through his actions and his consistency.

Kym

February 8th, 2011
10:21 am

Good Morning All,

I agree with Raqi and Randy and For Real(Three R’s). I know there are a few hell-bent hearts that left me bitter as all get out. Bitter is allowed when you are hurt..but as time moves on so should those bitter feelings..its called growth and change. When you know better you hope to try and do better..doesn’t mean you won’t run into the same joker with a different name..but because of the previous lesson, hopefully you will see thru the foolishness.

abc

February 8th, 2011
10:21 am

Of course, most everything you do affects other people, in all walks of life, not just dating. The question is, do you care about the effect you have on others, or not? For the most part, people who don’t care about the effects they leave behind are the ones that cause damage.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
10:23 am

Morning,

I’m sure I’ve paid for someone’s mistakes and can confirm I’ve made someone pay for somebody else’s. Even so, it’s a part of life and living and the growing process. I’d say it’s unfair to the other party but it’s almost inevitable….at some point. After you’ve gotten a couple of years of experience in tow and better at navigating relationships, something is wrong if you find yourself in a constant cycle of replay. For Real I like this…. “Like my paw-paw use to say “Boy! Lookin back gon cause you to run into somethem So true. Forgive, forget and move on and don’t look back. Better things are always ahead of you.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
10:26 am

This is coming my ex-husband

Leggs, I don’t know the whole situation and imagine your feelings are very much warranted. However, you wouldn’t get back with your ex-husband? You know if he was worth getting back with. We are not talking some guy that you just dated or had a relationship with but his man was your husband and is the father of your child.

IMO, not that you asked for it, a slightly different set of rules apply on backtracking when it comes to ex-spouses. It wouldn’t be back tracking but rather finding a way and reason to continue the vows that you once made. But that’s just my opinion based on unstated beliefs that I have.

Remember I said if he was worth getting back with.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
10:27 am

”Some folks need to walk around with a warning label that reads “You should be better protected from mayhem like me.”

LOL SexyCool, excellent reference. I love those commercials.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
10:29 am

ForReal, we will talk about that article later. I have been sitting up for almost an hour and I am getting ready to lay down for my 30 minutes mandatory rest time. I can’t type while laying down. LOL

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
10:31 am

I have a buddy that married the same girl twice. He was an idiot both times, IMO. But seriously? Marrying someone again after it didn’t work out the first time? That’s just too lazy to put it out there and find someone new. Again…IMO.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
10:33 am

Me too, Rock. TheDude and I *love* the one where he is the GPS system.
“Recalculating…….Turn left NOW!!!”

For Real

February 8th, 2011
10:33 am

Hey lets not forget there are two sides to a breakup and not everyone experiences those hurt feelings mentioned on the blog.

For Real

February 8th, 2011
10:38 am

“a slightly different set of rules apply on backtracking when it comes to ex-spouses. It wouldn’t be back tracking but rather finding a way and reason to continue the vows that you once made.” – Is not backtracking only and ONLY IF the old person life and your life meet at a new point in both of your lives.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
10:39 am

Good morning!

It’s nothing worse than being the innocent recipient of someone else’s baggage. Bitter is a really ugly trait. I understand it. I’ve suffered much heartache and disappointment. A lot of it I brought on myself by sticking around long after the expiration date and things had not only gone stale, but developed a layer of mold!LOL!!! I learned some lessons the hard way. But one thing I did do right was not rush into new relationships before I got past what happened in the old one. And yes, sometimes that took months and even years. I waited almost 2 years after my last relationship broke up before meeting and agreeing to date my fiance’.

Acknowlege your part, your mistakes, forgive not only yourself but the other person and then, please, for your sake and others, MOVE ON!

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
10:41 am

For Real – your 1033a makes it seem as if there are people who have never experienced any kind of hurt feelings caused by a relationship.

That….seems highly unlikely.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
10:41 am

@Raqi V ~ No, I wouldn’t get back with my ex-husband for any reason, not sickness, nor if he won the lottery, not for any reason. He’s a much better friend than a husband. I know how selfish he can be, will be. Leopards can’t change their spots. They just sneer and grin before they pounce.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
10:43 am

Hey lets not forget there are two sides to a breakup and not everyone experiences those hurt feelings mentioned on the blog.

More than likely those are the ones needing the warning labels…LOL

For Real

February 8th, 2011
10:44 am

“For the most part, people who don’t care about the effects they leave behind are the ones that cause damage.” – I have to disagree. Damage will be caused regardless on of intent because someone has just realized they are not going to get what they want/deserve/need from another person. And like my paw-paw use to say “Boy! A punch in the eye don’t hurt iffin you don’t let him hit you”

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
10:45 am

Leggs – Rock pretty much stated my line of thinking on this. If you know without a doubt that there has been little to no change/growth in the reasons that caused your break-up, then no, I would refrain from entertaining a return to the relationship as well.

However, if he could be a *changed* man…….well………you know they say, “The devil you know is better than the one you don’t.”

For Real

February 8th, 2011
10:49 am

Scool/Celisea: Y’all reading too much into my 10:33 post. I’m just simply stating that someone has to do the breaking of a relationship and they may feel it was the best thing for them to do so that they will not suffer any hurt feelings. Now, I’m sure everyone has ended a relationship or two at some point in their lives. Does that mean you should have a warning label attached to you?

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
10:49 am

Okay…well…your 1041a answered that. (lol)

For Real

February 8th, 2011
10:52 am

“I am getting ready to lay down for my 30 minutes mandatory rest time.” – In the words of Stewie: Stewie Griffin: Raqi! Raqi! Raqi! Raqi! Raqi! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Momma! Momma! Momma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Momma! Momma! Momma!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
10:53 am

Everyone you interact with is affected by your past experiences, and you are affected by theirs. Also, it’s not only the dating experiences of the other person that affect your interaction with them. It’s the sum total of their experiences that impact you. I’d say that childhood and family experiences are probably even more impactful than recent dating experiences.

For Real

February 8th, 2011
10:56 am

DM: Let me add this; It’s the things, people and events that one places value on that has an impact on their lives.

Oh and did you read that article I posted for Raqi?

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
10:58 am

For Real, no I get where you was going. I was kidding sorta kinda.

abc

February 8th, 2011
11:00 am

In cases of breakups, I see your point, For Real. Chances are it’s one person that wants out and the other then being dumped. However nicely or not nicely it happens, dumped is dumped.

But, what about a person that treats others by a set of rules they formulated due to having to deal with an ex? Everyone does that to some extent. It might be a chick that figures all men cheat; a guy who figures women lie as a normal course of life; someone may assume that every commentary is criticism. If you go dumping on people due to whatever baggage like that you carry along with you, then you’re not taking their feelings into consideration, and damage ensue. Sometimes just minor damage, but it’s cumulative.

Me, for instance, with the all chicks lie thing. The only place I state that so plainly is here. It’s something I really believe, but out in the real world, I neither burden others with the idea, nor incur their wrath upon having to admit I’m right. :-)

Mo (aka Moeisha)

February 8th, 2011
11:01 am

Morning All!

Leggs – I agree with you! I wouldnt back track either. I get along very well with my ex however I like how we get along now waaaay to much to want to ‘backtrack’. He’s a good dude but we arent good together.

kimmie – “Acknowlege your part, your mistakes, forgive not only yourself but the other person and then, please, for your sake and others, MOVE ON!” ^^5

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
11:06 am

Real I read that article. That’s a dammmmm shame. She poured salt in wound every way she could. Giving the daughter other dude’s middle name even when she knew Dell was the pops. Happens everyday though to dudes without the resources or know-how to fight it.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
11:08 am

Well…seems as if Dell is certainly paying the price. Wow!

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
11:09 am

“He’s a good dude but we arent good together.”

Most definitely. Not sure if this makes sense to any of you, but this divorce has made him a much better father. Could be because he doesn’t see her everyday, but more like 3-4x a week. Whatever reason, she’s benefitting!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
11:09 am

The only place I state that so plainly is here.
abc How do you broach the subject with your wife? Is that “baggage” that affects your marriage?

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
11:09 am

Leggs – I don’t think a lot of people really change their core character much. I think they just get old. Time catches up to them. Anyway, I’ve said before, go rehabilitate with someone else. Life is too precious for me to be the guinea pig in your experiment.

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 8th, 2011
11:11 am

There’s bitter and there’s the definition of insanity “doing the same thing over…”

Part of getting into something with someone else is finding out about their past. And if this person has lived and not learned from their mistakes, then that tells me that I need to be out. If she can’t grow from her mistakes, then she (over course him too) isn’t able to move forward. And until that happens….

In other news, Dan passed the test, he is now a fully commissioned Examiner – with job security.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
11:11 am

Re: “a slightly different set of rules apply on backtracking when it comes to ex-spouses. It wouldn’t be back tracking but rather finding a way and reason to continue the vows that you once made.”

I have had two long term relationships end because of this…both got the guilt trip laid on them at Christmas (for the kids sake of course). One admitted several years later that she wasted three years of her life going back to her ex…thought he had changed (yeah right, of course he had).

I am now looking for widows and orphans…don’t want exes OR in-laws from now on :-0

Kym

February 8th, 2011
11:14 am

Okay so Mr. Dell is the daddy..but apparently Mr. Ted has bigger pockets and wants to be the daddy..so they are cutting Mr. Dell out. Is Mr. Dell paying child support? or is the issue just custody?

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
11:17 am

Congrats Dan on your accomplishment!!

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
11:19 am

Dan, I know you’ve been prepping for this for a long time. Congrats, man!

abc

February 8th, 2011
11:19 am

In her case, it’s mostly a matter of refusing to talk about different things. So, I don’t ask. I figure if it’s that big a deal for her, that she’d either lie or not talk about it, then why bother asking. She’s aware of my attitude about it, same as I’m aware of hers. It’s okay with us.

Randy, the thing with widows, though, is that if and when problems arise, they use their widowhood as a mechanism to blame you for it. They (think they) know that they can have a successful relationship, due to their wonderful marriage, the demise of which is no fault of their own, so it must be your problem. It’s not a matter that can be properly addressed. If you try, you lose, no matter what. You can’t compete with a ghost.

PrincessNik

February 8th, 2011
11:20 am

When you know better you hope to try and do better..doesn’t mean you won’t run into the same joker with a different name..but because of the previous lesson, hopefully you will see thru the foolishness.

Kym I agree with that!

i>Everyone you interact with is affected by your past experiences, and you are affected by theirs. Also, it’s not only the dating experiences of the other person that affect your interaction with them. It’s the sum total of their experiences that impact you. I’d say that childhood and family experiences are probably even more impactful than recent dating experiences

Dreams M I totally agree with that.

Good Morning everyone!

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
11:20 am

O/T – $5 Movie night is back at MoviesATL at Camp Creek Pavillion.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
11:22 am

O/T – $5 Movie night is back at MoviesATL at Camp Creek Pavillion….Tuesday nights, that is.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
11:24 am

Randy – I had it happen to me once many years ago – dude I was seeing left to get back with baby mama. Of course it didn’t work out. But unlike him, I don’t backtrack. But I hear of that happening all the time – folks get guilted into trying to make another go of it with exes. I’ve only seen it work out maybe once.

I watched an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker a little while ago where a millionairess came to the agency to be fixed up. She was also a mother. They fixed her up with a nice guy and the date went very well. He wanted to see her again but she did not return his calls. She went back up to the agency and told them that she had decided to get back with her baby’s dadday. Why did she bother?

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
11:26 am

@abc I have heard that. Wonder what is the answer? I’m just tired of the games. I have a two dogs, two refrigerators to keep my Dos Equis cold, a pool with nice chairs to sit with my Kindle in, a 60 in HD with a PS3…so what do I really need a woman for anyway other than to “put me in my place”? ;-)

Dan - Simply...Superior

February 8th, 2011
11:26 am

@SC/Kimmie – Thanks!

Simple Man!!!

February 8th, 2011
11:30 am

“so what do I really need a woman for anyway other than to “put me in my place”? ”
Randy, Maybe its just me, But I can think of a couple of things you could use a woman for…..

( OK…Back to Lurking)

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
11:36 am

Congratulations, Dan the Man! You’ve been wanting this. Pop your collar!

For Real

February 8th, 2011
11:40 am

Congrats Dan!!! Here take this brand new used bolla of Remy. I was holding it for you.

abc: I wise man not my paw-paw once said “Feeling are overrated”. Although I know the nice thing to do is to recognize someone else’s feeling but at what does the other person reconcile that what’s important to you is simply just not important to me and thus I have absolutely no feelings about it whatsoever?

Kym: Dell wants joint custody but ole girl is trying to cut him out altogether. Which goes back to my point of mandatory dna testing and proper IDing of the biological parents.

Randyt: Becareful of widows because they tend to hyper-romanticize their marriage and themselves. Orphans have more problems than the middle east.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
11:41 am

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
11:56 am

Congrats Dan

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
11:56 am

Yeah I know I am late responding…

SexyCool, whoever came up with the idea of those commercial is genius. LOL

Leggs, I understand about your ex-husband. But I am asking is it merely because you were once married to him that makes him off limits forever.

What if it was a matter like a woman I used to work with where she and her husband just simply married too young? They married the day after he turned 18. They split two short years later and she says they both admit it was because they were too young. No infidelity or any other bads like that but just simply couldn’t make it stick due to immaturity on both of their parts.

What I am asking is why do you see getting back with your own ex-husband (not the bad you know, LOL) a bad thing? You are willing to get with someone else’s ex-husband, why not your own if he is worth being with?

Like folks make the statements of not entertaining or accepting sloppy seconds all the while bumping uglies with a guy or gal that is the “ex” of 3 other people.

I think my husband is the greatest but I do know there is a woman or two out there that would love to see him tarred, feathered and strung up by his balls.

Do you understand my question or am I wasting my time? LOL

Why is reconciliation looked at as a bad thing?

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
11:56 am

I am having a monte cristo sandwich for lunch I don’t know that is. LOL He just says I will like it. Being bed ridden takes having great trust in those that take care of you.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
11:57 am

Imma google it.

Simple Man!!!

February 8th, 2011
12:00 pm

Raqi, Let me ask a question…..

Hubby is a cheater and you find out…..You divorce, and over the course of say, 5 years he repents and begs your forgiveness….

Do you give in and give him another chance???

Kym

February 8th, 2011
12:05 pm

Monte Crisco is a great sandwhich..you will like it.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
12:05 pm

SimpleMan, I will remove his bat and balls and make him my slave for life. If he wants to come back under those conditions then he is welcomed.

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
12:07 pm

People don’t change. Ever. Forget all that psycho-babble booshid you hear on Doktor Pheel.

If someone was a big enough A$$hole to you once that you took the drastic action of divorce, then they’ll do it again. And if they or even you, were stupid enough to take the drastic action of divorce for no better reason than you were too young, maybe marriage isn’t for you. It’s really ok to not be married.

I paid hundred$ of thousand$ to end my first marriage. I’m not stupid enough to do it again.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
12:07 pm

Kym, I hope so. LOL

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
12:08 pm

“”I paid hundred$ of thousand$ to end my first marriage. I’m not stupid enough to do it again.”"
To the same woman, that is. I’m not completely damaged!

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
12:09 pm

Y’all Are, I understand what you are stating however how does that same attitude factor into divorced people getting remarried to someone new? Just for kicks answer that for me.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
12:11 pm

Why is reconciliation looked at as a bad thing?
Raqi It isn’t if you can TRULY reconcile. I think many are saying that they don’t believe people change all that much. If that’s true then reconciliation is impossible. I admit that I’m one to cut ties and never look back.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
12:15 pm

@Raqi V ~ not at all. That would make me a very shallow person if I’m not willing to get back with him only because I was married to him. He will forever be an ex because I know his ways, his sneakiness, his selfishness, his callousness, his lack of empathy, his spitefulness, his bitchiness, his “well, if I drop the ball I know you’ll handle it”…none of which will ever change therefore always making him unattractive to me. What stops me from going back is not because he’s my ex-husband, but more cuz he’s my ex-jerk. Like kimmie has stated, a person’s “core character” usually doesn’t change. He can put a bandaid on things giving the appearance that things are better. I know better, they won’t be, they can’t be. As long as I know this and believe this, I’m good and comfortable with right where I am = his ex!

You ask “why not your own if he is worth being with?” He’s not worth being with, but my daughter is worth knowing her father and being around her father. He’s a good person, just a lousy husband. There’s a big difference that I learned the hard way. I’m around him as much as I am for her sake! My relationship with him is irreparable. It’s one facet of my job to make sure their relationship continues and strive. It’s part of both of our responsibilities. And, there’s no guarantee I’m getting with some else’s ex-husband. I may meet someone who has never married. It is possible! :wink:

(And, I found out most of these character flaws after we got married. You see, he turned out to be one of those who changed when we got the marriage certificate.)

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
12:17 pm

Just because someone is not compatible for someone else, doesn’t mean they are incompatible to you. Everybody is different and what doesn’t work together for one, may work for another…Otherwise I’d have gone through something like, 50 virgins looking for someone that can tolerate me.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
12:18 pm

To some, that’s a freaking powerful piece of paper!

For Real

February 8th, 2011
12:20 pm

Raqi: I understand what you are saying but your focus is off. If reconciliation is still on the table then neither party has learned anything and most def hasn’t move on. In order to consider someone old again both parties must be in a new place in their life. If the reason for not entertaining someone old again is because of the past, I submit that neither party has moved on because they are both looking at each other thru the glasses of the past. The one that wants to reconnect is looking at the good of the past and the one that does want to reconnect is looking at the bad of the past.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
12:22 pm

Think about. You are willing to trust a woman (or man) that is divorced, to have learned and bettered themselves that you know less about than you know about your ex spouse. You can only trust what the new person is saying how the fallout with their ex happened and that they are now a good and/or better person. However with your ex you already know them and how they deal, therefore you have personal insight into them having gotten better or not.

I just find it ironic that so many are willing to deal with other people’s exes that confess to have made mistakes in the past but is now better but they won’t give their own the same allowance.

I am not saying anyone should lay down, be a doormat and take getting trampled on. Hell if I see you imma hit your with a brick. I am just saying I have never really understood people that dotes on not giving an ex a second chance but will give someone else’s ex a second chance with them.

And again I am not saying except bullsh!t from anyone. I am talking about a person that has truly changed. Yall grown, yall know what I mean.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
12:28 pm

He just brought the baby up with her food so Imma chat as long as I can until mine get here.

I think many are saying that they don’t believe people change all that much.

Okay DreamsMat, you first. If people don’t change do you only date relationship “virgins”? That next woman that you get with is someone’s ex. Speak to her ex I bet he can write a novelette about her bads. And like I said I bet she will tell you about some mistakes she made herself. But you accept her change. Why not your ex’s?

Yall do know I am just passing time because sitting here all day time seems to stop. LOL However my statements are somewhat in line with how I truly feel and believe.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
12:33 pm

What stops me from going back is not because he’s my ex-husband

Leggs, that ^ answered my question. That’s why I said forget about your ex and his bads and just focus on what I am asking about an EX. Many have stated that their ex’s are off limits simply because they were together and are no longer. Yet they freely get with other people ex’s whom some have a more tainted past than theirs.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
12:33 pm

Hold on ForReal. I gotta eat. LOL

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
12:34 pm

I am just saying I have never really understood people that dotes on not giving an ex a second chance but will give someone else’s ex a second chance with them.

Raqi – Pretty much everyone is someone’s ex, whether married or not. Unless Leggs & her ex were each other’s first and high school sweethearts, they were someone’s ex. I know that might sound nitpicky, but that’s the only way I can look at your above statement and understand the rationale. Plus, just because a couple married does not mean they should have or were right for each other.

Another thing, you really don’t know what goes on behind closed doors with people. The stuff Leggs described about her husband on here may pale in comparison to what other stuff she knows that is not any of our business and too personal to share.

It’s easy to be on the outside looking in. If people don’t want to be with someone or give someone a first chance, a 2nd chance, they are free to make that decision.

Y’all – Your 12:17 says it best.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
12:44 pm

That would make me a very shallow person if I’m not willing to get back with him only because I was married to him.

Leggs – Actually I don’t see where that would make you shallow. I see it as – you were married to the man so you know him, so you don’t want to go back there again. I know that probably is not where Raqi is coming from, but that line of thinking doesn’t make sense to me. So what if you discount him because he is your ex? Whatever the reason, you don’t want to be with him and that’s enough.

For Real

February 8th, 2011
12:49 pm

Kimmie: you missing Raqi’s point. Her point is that Leggs (using you just as a point of ref) is not willing to give her ex another chance due the litany of things she listed but she will give another dude a chance that demonstrated that exact same things her ex did. All on the premise that this dude said he has changed. That’s Raqi’s point. Not whether or not you have the right to give an ex a 2nd chance.

[...] the original here: Their dating mistakes, but do you pay the price? | Misadventures … This entry was posted in Dating and tagged abraham, abraham-lincoln, especially-true, not-wiser, [...]

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
12:58 pm

“…not willing to give her ex another chance due the litany of things she listed but she will give another dude a chance that demonstrated that exact same things her ex did.”

No, you got it wrong. If I knew a guy was doing the same things my ex did to me, I wouldn’t be getting with him. Where’s the point in that? I wouldn’t knowingly get involved with someone if I knew he has the same attributes. And, now that I’m out of it, I can clearly see the signs moving forward…

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
12:58 pm

ForReal, I agree and disagree. If I marry you and we agree to “in richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part” fulfilling those vows is never off the table IMO just we choose to be together again. Death has not come for either one of us yet.

Two people can learn, grow and reconcile under those vows. To say that because they reconnected neither have never learned is 100% wrong. Every (wo)man can change his ways. If it is as you state not having learned if we get back together how do we keep it together through our faults while we are married? We learned from our mistakes and we stay.

That’s all I am saying. I do understand that some people are not worth the time of day and they should go jump off a ledge. But I just don’t get ruling out your own ex when you are willing to do the dance with someone else’s. I don’t get the “not doing sloppy seconds” when you had part in making it sloppy. Or the “not backtracking” in your own tracks.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
12:59 pm

but she will give another dude a chance that demonstrated that exact same things her ex did.

4Real – I get what Raqi is saying. But where is it that Leggs said she would get with someone that DEMONSTRATED the exact same things that her ex did? That would be the definition of insanity – getting with someone else that exhibited the exact same things you found distasteful in your ex. Of course, if you get with another human being, that human has made some mistakes. If you are not insane, you would run if they were the same as your exes!

cba

February 8th, 2011
1:00 pm

@LEGGS, the fact that you have not tarnished your daughter’s impression of her father is very, very admirable of you. I think alot of ex do that out of spite. Someone asked Elizabeth Edwards, what does she see when she sees John Edwards? She said ” I see my kids father”. A classy woman.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
1:00 pm

Kimmie, I agree with you. But I think everyone is missing my point. I was merely focusing on Leggs saying that she would not get back with her ex. I asked is it because he is the ex over and above his flawed actions? Many have implied that simply because that person is an ex.

It has been said many times on here by many that they will not get back with an ex. I never understood that however Leggs answered and said that her decision is based on his actions, which I pretty much figured.

As you said we are all someone’s ex and a lot of people just didn’t belong together in the first place. But my question remains to be why are so many willing to give someone else’s rehabilitated ex more credit than their own. I am talking a person that has truly learned from their mistakes and grown.

And kimmie, I am not saying just because the person is your ex you should be willing to be with him again. I am not saying that at all. I am just stating my thoughts on how we as people are excepting of the faults of one but giving the shaft to another merely because you were once in the immediate company.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
1:02 pm

If people don’t change do you only date relationship “virgins”?
Raqi of course…you didn’t know? lol Kidding of course. I’m not saying that I would accept the changes of someone new (someone else’s ex) over those of my ex. I’m saying that I probably wouldn’t believe my ex changed in the first place. If they truly changed, then I might be willing to give it a shot, just haven’t ever been in that place. Of course there is another element involved when comparing “someone else’s ex” to my ex. Forgiveness. See, in order to get back with someone who has done wrong to me, I have to be able to forgive them, but no such forgiveness is required for someone else’s ex because whatever they did in the past was to someone else and not me.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
1:03 pm

ForReal, Exactly. That’s what I am saying. We all have a not so pure past and our exes would be the first to attest to that. Anybody that continually meet and date new “exes” under the premise that the breakup and fallout was all their ex’s fault and bad doings is someone that is still falling for the okie doke.

For Real

February 8th, 2011
1:05 pm

Leggs: “If I knew a guy was doing the same things my ex did to me, I wouldn’t be getting with him.” – He (being the new dude) did (in the past) the samethings your ex did (which he too claims not to do anymore) but tells you he longer does those things because he has changed.

Raqi: HUH???? Did you sneak a sip of coffee? In my True Grit voice: I cannot rekcancile your thoughts on this matter.

For Real

February 8th, 2011
1:09 pm

Kimmie: see Raqi’s 1:03 not her 12:58 tho.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
1:10 pm

would get with someone that DEMONSTRATED the exact same things

Kimmie, I didn’t say that. I said less than admirable behavior at some point all together admitting to it however declaring to be a better person now.

I don’t know you, but I do believe if your Soon-to-be admitted to mistreating on his college girlfriend to you today but confesses and shows to be a better man now you will not breakup with him.

However you will not give that same benefit of the doubt to one of your exes that over the same number years has grown and become a better person.

That’s all.

And that’s all. I am sleepy now. LOL

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
1:10 pm

@cba ~ thanks. When I heard that remark from Elizabeth Edwards, I clapped because that was the perfect answer. Despite all he has done to her, John Edwards is their father at the end of the day. Same in my case. My daughter sees “her father,” not my “ex-husband” when she’s spending time with him. I would be less than a woman if I bad mouth him in front of her. I refuse to be that woman. It’s not about me, it’s all about her and her growth w/o both parents living under the same roof!

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
1:13 pm

@For Real ~ I would be foolish to go in thinking this dude did the same things my ex did. That means I would be walking into a new realtionship as a “bitter woman.” I wouldn’t be asking him things my ex did to see if he’s done them. His actions will tell me and I’d take it from there. Not all men will do what another man has done. So, no I can’t get on board with your statement.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
1:15 pm

how we as people are excepting of the faults of one but giving the shaft to another merely because you were once in the immediate company.

Raqi – I get what you are saying. I just think differently. The way I look at it, you gave them your greatest honor by being with them and becoming their spouse. Whether the demise was due to something they did or you did or both, you put yourself out there once. You know. So I don’t see it as giving them the shaft. You can accept and forgive their faults, but decide someone else is more deserving of devoting your life to. And just because it seems folks are quickly dismissive, it doesn’t mean inside that you came to the decision to not get back with them easily. It’s probably hard to resist not bringing a family back together. A lot of people do try, especially when kids are involved. I’m sure it’s not something taken lightly. The fact that they’d rather take a chance on someone else and their faults & baggage says a lot.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
1:16 pm

I’m saying that I probably wouldn’t believe my ex changed in the first place.

DreamsMat, yet so many believe the new woman. LOL At least with the old would be able to spot that iffy behavior early on.

In larger scheme of the issue I truly think it is matter of the broken heart. I think many will be willing to forgive a couple of misdemeanors if that heart could be mended and that’s what usually never happens.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
1:17 pm

This I know, some of the things that an ex did to me, TheDude has done to someone else. However, MY concern is that he has learned from past mistakes and that he does not do those things to ME.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
1:21 pm

4Real – I read it, I just disagree. And it’s not falling for okie doke. You accept a person, faults and all. The difference is your ex did those things to YOU. You can accept and forgive your ex and not decide to get back with them. Whereas, a new person as a human being made those mistakes with someone else, before me.

You all know where I am coming from. I just disagree.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
1:22 pm

Kimmie, stop it. I like talking to you so you keep me responding. LOL

but decide someone else is more deserving of devoting your life to

I agree with that. But I still say that the new one that you get with is not free of his own past faults and wrong doings. We all have and will view the new as the next best thing since boxed apple pie, but the truth is somewhere out there somebody wants them dead. LOL

And again I am not, in no way saying just because a person is your ex should be willing to take them back. Heck if would rather lay down with lions than to have anything to do with my son’s father again.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
1:22 pm

SCool – You get it!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
1:23 pm

yet so many believe the new woman. LOL At least with the old would be able to spot that iffy behavior early on.
Raqi Having actually been with the old one, I am qualified to make an assertion about whether or not I believe they have changed…based on what I truly know about them. I can’t make an assertion either way about the new person because I don’t know them, yet I have to date, so I have to make a choice. Go back to the person I believe hasn’t changed or start anew with someone whose change I can neither confirm nor deny. The new person seems like a less risky investment, with potential for greater return, whereas you know the old person is a loss from the very beginning. lol

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
1:24 pm

kimmie, will you please stop talking. LOL

The difference is your ex did those things to YOU.

And what makes you better than the other woman you ex without a doubt did it to? Just kidding.

Now hush and let me go sleep.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
1:25 pm

“…Whereas, a new person as a human being made those mistakes with someone else, before me.”

Exactly. Now, if you begin to notice that this new person is doing the same thing that bothered you that your ex was doing, then you are the fool if you stay and tolerate. I won’t play the fool twice! And, I won’t stay around for years giving you a chance to change. As the old adage goes, “you live and you learn!”

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
1:26 pm

TheDude has done to someone else

SexyCool, exactly. Ain’t brand new going on in our 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.

You know I like talking to you too. Now you can’t say anything else until I shut this computer off.

5…4…3…2…(poof)

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
1:29 pm

The difference is your ex did those things to YOU.
This goes back to my 1:02pm and forgiveness.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
1:30 pm

And…in order for me to get with an ex, I would have to forgive him for those things that have occurred between us in the past and truly believe that he would not do those things again.

THAT is a much harder sell because he has already DEMONSTRATED that he WILL hurt me…as opposed to a new suitor who I must realize that while he has the POTENTIAL to hurt me, I can only hope that he does not ACT on that potential with me like he did with the last chick.

However, in taking an ex back, you at least know WHERE he has the capacity to screw up as opposed to a new suitor who could bring you a-whole-nother set of problems and type of pain.

(Obviously, I am seeing both sides of this….lol)

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
1:31 pm

@DreamsM ~ you can forgive, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you can reconcile.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
1:35 pm

you can forgive, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you can reconcile.
Leggs actually the point of my 1:02pm was that in order to reconcile, you must forgive, but that no such requirement for forgiveness is there for a new person because they haven’t actually done anything to you.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
1:35 pm

Great discussion….I’m coming out of a meeting so I’ll lurk but great comments from all

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
1:35 pm

All this talking about getting back together with ex’s is making me ill. I wouldn’t get back with mine if the species was depending on it.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
1:38 pm

YAK – I have an ex that I feel exactly the same way about.

However, when it comes to my ex-husband, if the right circumstances would have presented themselves, he is someone that I would have considered giving another chance.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
1:43 pm

@DreamsM ~ of couse. If you plan to reconcile you must forgive. I get that. But, even if you don’t plan on reconciling, you still must forgive in order to move on with you own life and not wind up like Stanley Q swears most of us will wind up…an old lady sitting at home hording cats!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
1:46 pm

Leggs
Yes, forgiveness is a requirement for your ex, but you have nothing to forgive the new person for. That’s the difference. You HAVE to forgive your ex (whether you reconcile or not), but there is not such requirement for the new person. That’s a MAJOR difference between the two.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
1:57 pm

And by the way you still have a choice, you SHOULD forgive your ex whether you reconcile or not but you DON’T HAVE TO.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
1:58 pm

Sorry, meant you don’t have to if you’re not going to reconcile. You can continue in life mad at him and wasting all that energy. It’s your choice. But, yes you have to forgive in order to reconcile.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
2:02 pm

Yeah..no…when it comes to Shthead, I have no forgiveness for him. And I’m completely okay with that.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
2:05 pm

There is a lot of talk on here that “I would never get back with my ex” (and I wouldn’t, but can be friendly and sociable), HOWEVER!!! for the record, BOTH!!! of the ladies I was with swore they would never go back with their exes under any circumstances either…and they did when the calls started coming.

My point is that I believe that some (women particularly) are more susceptible to the ex saying “Honey, I’m not the same man you were married to” and they swallow it hook, line, and sinker…especially when the ex brings up how “the children need their family back together”.

Re foregiveness. Forgiveness is the greatest liberator TO YOU. When you forgive, you take away the other’s power over you…and that is why it is important. What I did was recommended to me by Andy Stanley at North Point Church. He said to think of it as a debt they can’t and won’t ever repay to you, like a bad loan at a bank. What the bank does is say, “debt cancelled, you don’t owe me anymore”. When I said that in my mind to my ex(es) and my ex in-laws, they no longer had ANY control over me. Best thing I ever did and as stupid as it sounds, it actually works. I get along fine with them, and can smile my azz off when I leave family events because they are obviously scratching their heads wondering if they were wrong about yours truly.

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
2:08 pm

Mine did such horrible things to me and the kids. I find comfort in knowing that she has to live with harself as someone that would do those things.

Fion

February 8th, 2011
2:14 pm

As I said last week, Love is the best thing since Air.
Rightly or wrongly, relationships don’t begin they way that they end. When you met that person the joy and euphoria you felt was beyond belief.
Be thankful for Love. Be grateful that you have experienced the human condition that altered you to the fact that you are alive.

“Truly it is better to have Loved and lost than to have never Loved at all.”

…….and oh yeah, if you don’t think so, maybe you never loved or have been Loved.

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
2:15 pm

@RandyT ~ those ladies were lying to you and to themselves. Some of us know the truth and it keeps us knowing the REAL DEAL. No turning back. It simply doesn’t work for everyone! Only us diehards that wound up truly with dickheads!

“Forgiveness is the greatest liberator TO YOU.” That is why I say it’s important in order for YOU to move on in life. I couldn’t let another have control of my emotions and thoughts. It was up to me to liberate myself in all aspects. Have you noticed that it’s hard to smile and laugh while you’re bitter? What a waste spending negative thought and time on another. Hell, get a voodoo doll, stick pins in it every night, every morning and move on (if that will help).

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
2:16 pm

If you don’t know how to forgive you don’t know how to love. You can’t have one without the other, still don’t be a fool though. Some folks are just jilted and bring havoc on some in their future who could be good for them. And for a man to always talk about what his ex did for him is gayer than a dude posting a pic he took of himself in a bathroom mirror on Facebook. LOL

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
2:19 pm

I have moved on quite well. I just actively choose not to forgive this particular individual for his actions towards me. It does not keep me bound in that place. It just is what it is. I don’t think enough of him to forgive him.

Yeah…I know, just about everyone believes that I am injuring myself by refusing him forgiveness. I see it another way. In this particular instance, I am empowering myself with my choice to leave this barrier in its place.

Fion

February 8th, 2011
2:20 pm

I meant ……condition that alerted you to

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
2:20 pm

Oh…and please know that I understand that he could give a flying phck about me forgiving him or not.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
2:23 pm

SexyCool that could be used as motivation so not forgiving is not always a bad thing. What did he do to you?

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
2:27 pm

gayer than a dude posting a pic he took of himself in a bathroom mirror on Facebook.
hahahahahahahahahahaha Is it gayer than that same dude singing a song with Freddie Jackson and Elton John, while getting their backs rubbed by Gianni Versace? LOL

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
2:28 pm

@SexyC ~ I agree with PR. It can be a motivator, it happens.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
2:29 pm

Dreams, I don’t think anything is gayer than what you described. LOL

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
2:34 pm

The forgiveness in my *Shthead Experience* was the need to forgive MYSELD for staying longer than I should have, for making the decision to remain in a situation when ALL signs pointed me out the door, for wanting to be in relationship more than I cherished my peace of mind, for staying and allowing myself to be lied to and cheated on repeatedly, for wallowing in stupidity for an extended period of time.

That’s where my forgiveness comes in…I take total responsibility for remaining in a bad situation and it took me a WHILE to let it go and forgive MYSELF…so my forgiveness is not for what HE did to ME, but for what I did to MYSELF.

I think back and I still smh at mydamnself.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
2:34 pm

There’s somebody to be said about time and the longer you live past something, without any effort of your own, wounds heal. I know I’ve hated somethng awful. But if you find 10 years later you still harbor hate, I’d venture to say that’s an effort on your part and no longer the hate or ill feelings you initially felt as a result of ending badly. Naturally and as with all internal organs, the heart too will heal on it’s own. Even when you get with someone else, as the old cliche would indicate, no one makes you heal or get over. Someone else could be considered a distraction but not a heart healer. That’s God’s design…for the body (every organ) emotionally and physically to mend back to it’s natural state…hate isn’t it.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
2:36 pm

something…not somebody…for real ya’ll I was typing an email, on a call and typing my entry

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
2:38 pm

Hey Leggs

Yeah. When you allow anger to control you, you are allowing (fill in the blank azzhole) to control you. Why give them that kind of power?Me, I’m pretty mellow about past involvements (door locks behind me, but still mellow). Mellow is good. An ulcer is often caused “not what you, but what is eating you”. I figure in my job, “I was looking for a job when I found this one”, I figure in my relationships the same as my skydiving, “I made it to the ground before, I can do it again”…

As the famed author/writer/philospher Alfred E. Newmann once said, “why worry”. ;-)

Leggs

February 8th, 2011
2:40 pm

@SexyC ~ I remember at Thanksgiving about 4 years ago everyone was going around the table saying what they were most thankfuk for. When it was my turn, I said I was thankful for getting ME BACK TO ME! I can identify with everything in your post. I remember on my 5th wedding anniversary crying because I didn’t want to be married and deal with what I was dealing with. 7 years later I found myself crying in the bathroom again because I was so tired and fed up. A strange woman came out of the bathroom stall and asked what was wrong. I told her a little and she said “handle it or get out.” A year later, I got out! And, I worked on forgiving ME more than anyone!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
2:41 pm

Alfred E Newman. LOL

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
2:52 pm

I had a date(I thought)with a girl who’s ex husband met me at the door to tell me he was home to be with his family again. Not to mention gal never told me she had plans to get back with her ex husband but what could I do nothing but respect what dude was saying as we stood in the doorway. Now less than a month later ole gal calls me again (why ?) saying he has left and this time it’s for good. My question is would anyone go back to that knowing what drama lies below. I Don’t blame you one bit Leggs I wouldn’t.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
2:53 pm

Blackfoote, it depends. LOL

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
2:57 pm

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
3:07 pm

Blackfoote – I mentioned earlier, more often than not, most of the time those “going back to ex” cases end up just like that! I understand the lure is there if you have kids. You want to try to give them a normal family life. If it’s a case where you were both very young and immature and a little time has passed and you’ve both matured, I could understand giving it a go.

Otherwise, let that ship sail.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:07 pm

@PR ~ just read your moniker. I’ll sign my name to the petition.

Y'all Are Kids

February 8th, 2011
3:09 pm

“My question is would anyone go back to that knowing what drama lies below.”

How big a boy was he?

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
3:09 pm

Leggs – That was no way to live. Glad you got you back.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:20 pm

Thanks, kimmie!

I’ll share this because the irony in it solidifies my thoughts and actions. I threatned divorce many times, and as time went by he knew I was serious. One day he came home after winning Cash 4 for $250 (I think for that amount cuz he’s always lying about money). Well, I was broke and asked if I could have some $$. We were already having lots of problems, but things were needed in the house (like more food). He gave me $10. I thought he was joking, and asked if he could give me some more. He said no, that’s it. He wanted to teach me a lesson like he tried on so many other occasions. I said ok, I have something for you too. I whistled the best I could and went upstairs. Came back and put the divorce filings in his hand and told him to take that to the bank! He was selfish and felt that since we were already on rocky ground, why should he help me in any form or fashion. Well, those papers definitely knocked the smirk off his face!

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
3:21 pm

Bloggers, we started the Free MMEELLOO petition yesterday…please join in on our crusade :)

MMEELLOO – You get back in, you better act right!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:22 pm

Yeah no going back. Keep moving forward and meet new person who will add to your life while appreciating the value that you add to theirs.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:22 pm

Leggs, this is an honest question. Nothing catty to it. Did you truly not know all of that was in your husband before marrying him or did you see some of it but didn’t think it was that bad?

I know after the fact in my matter with my son’s father I could look back and see the signs of some things not being as they should were there. I closed my eyes to the subtle hints staring me in the face. I chose not to see.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
3:22 pm

My apologies.

Just realized to my chagrin that I misspelled the name of one of the great thinkers of the 20th Century, Alfred E. Neuman (not Newmann). I probably learned more from his writings than I learned from my mother and stepfather combined when I was growing up.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:25 pm

Leggs, :)

Randy I used to love when those magazine would show up

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:26 pm

Has Wise Diva ever had a boyfriend?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:27 pm

If she ever gets married who takes over the blog?

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:27 pm

Came back and put the divorce filings in his hand

LOL Leggs, one of the best comebacks any woman can give. I love it.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:31 pm

@Raqi V ~ like I said earlier. Once he got that marriage certificate, he slowly changed. But yes, I saw some things and didn’t think it bad because no one is perfect. However, he wasn’t selfish and spiteful until the baby came along. It was only him and I in the beginning. No need for him to be selfish. But I notice quite a bit once the baby arrived. He loved her, but didn’t know how to be a father. He didn’t learn how until our divorce (and I truly, truly mean this).

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:31 pm

Purple if WiseDiva gets married she doesn’t have to leave. She, Tazzee, kimmie and SexyCool (cause they gone be married too) and I can tag team the topics and rename the blog ‘Misadventures in Mating’. LOL

Slim can take the weekends because she is in denial. I give her 3-6 months. LOL

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2011
3:32 pm

Afternoon All,

Yall just a lil too deep and whatnot for me today. I almost feel bad for some of the situations some of yall have been through. Glad to see that most of you made out better and stronger because of past hurts. The downside of this is knowing that alot of people are going through these things as we speak and don’t have the neither the strength or intestitude or common sense to get out.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
3:35 pm

Yep PR. Alfred E. was one of the wisest authors, no question about it.

When I was freshman in college, my closest friend kept reminding me of someone and I could not figure out who. One day over many beers I said, “you remind me of someone and I can’t remember who”. He said, “I know but I’m not telling”. Finally realized he looked exactly like Alfred E with black hair instead of red. How would it be like to go through life being the spitting image of the legendary A.E.N.?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:37 pm

Raqi, good plan. Slim probably already is married and is just ashamed to tell us

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
3:37 pm

Would WD quit dating just because she got married??? According to the ladies on the blog, a lot of men don’t. (JK)

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:39 pm

Randyt, that would be horrible. He looks like John Gruden and Ross Perot’s love child.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:39 pm

tag team the topics and rename the blog ‘Misadventures in Mating’.
Dang Raqi the married folks just gon’ hijack the blog like Tunisia. Could we at least get some married male representation in the new regime? lol You know like PoppaG, WillieD, abc, and soon to be Truth?

Fion

February 8th, 2011
3:39 pm

“The downside of this is knowing that alot of people are going through these things as we speak” a

……..and with all that said. we still want a shot at this thing called LOVE.
I don’t care what you say. It’s the best thing since Air. Hold on, it thinks my turn to spin the wheel!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:40 pm

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 8th, 2011
3:40 pm

Afternoon, peeps. I’m way late & don’t have time to get caught up, but I did just want to give a quick “FREE ME.LO” shout out. C’mon Wise… It’s been long enough. It’s time to heal. :lol:

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
3:40 pm

Leggs/Raqi – It’s hard sometimes to be able to spot a true dealbreaker when you are dating some people. Especially if a lot of time has passed and you’ve developed feelings. Sometimes its years later, after you have broken up, that you are able to recall the handwriting on the wall.

One of my good friends is dating a man now and I get the gut feeling he is not the one. But I don’t want to be nitpicky and come off as a hater. She has had a hard time meeting nice men and this guy in most ways is better to her than any other man has been, including her ex-husband. I will tell you all my concerns on the next post.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:41 pm

Leggs, if you want me to speak to you off blog just say so.

How long did you know him before you two got married? I am asking because this sort of goes the some of the responses to my question. Those that said people do not change. If a man, since we are talking about your ex, does not change the behavior was there from the beginning. For all that say their spouse or mates changed after the fact did they truly change or did you just allow yourself to be blinded. You can’t have it both ways. Either people change or they don’t.

And I do understand about him not learning until after the divorce. My son’s father became a much better father after I showed him he could no longer push my buttons. I didn’t ask him for anything. When he saw I had truly moved on (i.e. got married) then he started to act like a good father should.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:42 pm

oh and how could I forget…Purp and “m”"e”"l”"o” have to be part of the new regime too. lol

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
3:44 pm

“Randyt, that would be horrible. He looks like John Gruden and Ross Perot’s love child”.

and with Tubersville’s ears (shush, he might can hear us).

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:44 pm

swiss did your IT guide to rebelling on the blog not work for “m”"e”"l”"o”? Is Big Brother getting hip to the old tactics? It may be time for the proletariat to revise the stategies.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:44 pm

I get the gut feeling he is not the one

kimmie, my father tried his best to warn about my son’s father. My mom would tell me he was concerned but I chose not to see it. Or even for that matter care about my father’s concern.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:48 pm

“Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!” A.E.N.

Fion

February 8th, 2011
3:49 pm

@ kimmie

Just asking, U got somebody right?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:49 pm

Dreams, if I had a marriage blog it would not work. All the women would be to happy to actually blog. LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:50 pm

kimmie, it’s better to just mind your business sometimes.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:51 pm

@Raqi V ~ I knew him 2.5 years before we married. No doubt the behavior was there in the beginning. It was subtle on how different parts of his personality reared their head. He’s a good person, but a horrible provider. We struggled when it was just the two of us, but when the baby came along I felt more needed to be done financially and he didn’t exactly feel the same way. Things took their toll over the years, and I SNAPPED (w/o going to jail).

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 8th, 2011
3:51 pm

Dreams — I doubt there are any new Big Brother tactics. More likely The Forbidden One just didn’t the resources to set up a proxy to get around the IP filter.

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
3:51 pm

YAK:

He wasn’t a big dude and I’m a lot bigger than he is but it seemed like he was being sincere and honest we prob stood there 40 minutes he tellng me how he had changed just released from jail and all…..all I could say was more power bro handle it. But we all know time will tell you everything you need to know.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:52 pm

Swiss, Wise and Me-Lo must be married because what other reasons is she not forgiving him? LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:53 pm

Blackfoote, you listened to him for 40 minutes? You should have went inside and had a seat. LOL

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
3:54 pm

Here are my concerns. I think she is just making a lot of concessions for someone she has not been seeing long (and it’s long-distance).

1. She is a devout Christian and he is Muslim. He said he is “not that devout”. Either you committed to it or you are not in my book.
2. He’s had a vasectomy and says he wants no more kids. He has a 7 & 10 year old. She has a preteen daughter but always wanted another child. He’s not open to reversing his operation.
3. Has horrible baby mama drama. He’s still going thru a custody battle, even though he is divorced. His ex has to have supervised visits due to past abuse. She is taking him back to court to have unsupervised visits.
4. His ex and the woman he dated before my friend were very violent and abusive to him. They both slapped him on occasions.
5. He doesn’t really have respect for the different interests that he & my friend have. She was talking to him the other day about something she & a girlfriend were discussing. She asked him his opinion and he flat-out told her he could care less. He said if isn’t involving her or her child or concerned him, he didn’t want to hear about it. He was nasty about it and said that’s just the way he is. He then said “well I know you’re mad at me, so I’ll talk to you later”.

I just listen to all this. Like I said, she’s grown and it’s not my place to decide for her. But I’m just a little concerned for her.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
3:55 pm

Fion – I am recently engaged.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:56 pm

kimmie, that’s just her side of the story and there are two other sides. Stay out of it and just pray for them both.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:57 pm

Dang 40 mins…someone was scared!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:57 pm

kimmie, you are engaged and I didn’t get an engagement kiss from you?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:58 pm

When getting out of jail the last thing you want to do is talk to another guy for 40 minutes. “Where’s the bisshhes?”

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
3:59 pm

Kimmie:

You’re right there on it……..”let that ship sail”

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:00 pm

Purple – Oh I am staying out of it as best I can. But she calls me and asks for my opinion. I try to be as honest and as gentle as I can. But my approach to dating has always been different. Like the difference in religion would be too great for me, so I nip that in the bud from jump. No need in wrestling with something like that after I’m caught up.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:01 pm

Purple – Here you go, on your hand – XXXXXX!!!!

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:02 pm

Be engaged and be happy. Stay quite. Don’t volunteer advice or counsel.

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
4:02 pm

LOL…….dude hadn’t prob talked to anyone outside of jail in a while and he wanted my ears bad…..shoot alomst had me convinced he had changed……LOL

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:03 pm

Yeah…all that “stay out of it” is cool and all…which kimmie has said that she will…but er um…if your friends can’t pull your coat to bllsht, who can? And why would you tell me all these details about your relationship if you don’t want my input.

It goes back to a disclaimer we talked about in past months, “Are you telling me this because you need someone to listen or because you need someone’s feedback?”

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:03 pm

She is a devout Christian and he is Muslim.

kimmie, that first line stopped me in my tracks. IMO that right there never works. Our faith fuels most of our actions and beliefs. When you are at two different ends of the spectrum like that you are going in with problems already at hand.

Okay let me continue reading.

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:04 pm

@Sexy
just becasue the phone rings doesn’t mean i have to answer.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:06 pm

kimmie, she has to learn for herself. It may work out, who knows? LOL

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
4:06 pm

Sorry ya’ll I forgot to put in for the M. E. L. O.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:06 pm

And by that you mean what?

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:06 pm

@kimmie “But my approach to dating has always been different”

Bingo!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:07 pm

Live your own life or let someone live it for you? Who has seriously listened to a friend when they were determined to do something?

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:08 pm

Dang, kimmie that’s whole thing is just sad. What the heck does that man add to her life? Other than the hope of not being alone?

Some things just isn’t worth it and having a man where they differ that much she will never be happy. It is better to be alone and in an emotional and spiritual heaven than to be with some one just to be with some one that is a living hell.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:08 pm

Just because it is thrown at me does not mean I have to catch it!

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:08 pm

Simply because her girlfriend asked doesn’t mean she has to answer. If she calls let it go to voicemail.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:09 pm

kimmie, I will never was this hand again :)

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:09 pm

I still say that there are three sides to a story and we are only hearing one.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:10 pm

if your friends can’t pull your coat to bllsht

That’s ^ what friends are for.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:10 pm

Raqi- You are right. I have one friend that is a Methodist preacher’s daughter that married a Muslim. The only reason it works is because she basically has abandoned her faith, doesn’t go to church and they decided to let the kids decide what they want to do when they grow up and leave home.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:11 pm

Ex-con, different religion(until adulthood), rude to women and said mean things to them, dangerous young adult life, drug usage in the past marries a good christian woman with strong morals

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:12 pm

They both slapped him on occasions.
kimmie haha you made it sound so routine and nonchalant, like it was so normal for him that it was no big deal. lol

Dude: Baby can I watch the Superbowl?

Girl: Naw, I got “Murder She Wrote” on.

Dude: b-b-b-b-but you’re not even watching it.

Girl: I know, I just want it on as background noise while I talk to my girl and do this crossword puzzle.

Dude: can I at least see halftime?

Girl: get out my face…

Dude: w-w-w-well…

SMACK

Girl: I said get out my face…and get the clothes out the dryer.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:13 pm

Sounds like dude is a size 8 shoe when your girlfriend wears an 8 and a half. Yeah…she can get her foot in the shoe, but it won’t wear will and will definitely cause some pain.

But…from the outside looking in…it fits.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:13 pm

@DreamsM ~ that’s not a man, that’s some one that’s henpecked! :lol:

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:15 pm

If you are not living a religious life why does it matter if you married someone who is outside of your religion? And it is okay for a Muslim man to marry a Christian woman(Acording to the Quran), Islam means equality and no discrimination

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:15 pm

@Dreams
that’s what I’m saying. If that ain’t some crazy !$#+=*%

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:17 pm

He should have Ike Turner, Rick James, Chris Browned both of those women who slapped him. LOL

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:18 pm

Raqi/SCool – I will never abandon my friend. She has always been there for me. I am one of the few friends she has whose opinion she respects. I will always listen to her. But she knows I won’t tell her what to do and that’s why she can open up to me. She knows she has to make her own decision.

It’s tough seeing her have these questions because otherwise she seems very happy with him. I just see these problems looming, I’m on the outside looking in.

I told you guys yesterday that I am hard. I am strong enough at this point to cut off a guy and not even give him a chance should a major dealbreaker such as those above rear their ugly head. But that’s me.

All I can be is as supportive as I can, without getting into her business.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:18 pm

Him allowing, not one but TWO women to slap him leads me to believe that he may not be all the devout in his faith. Muslim men are in no way that docile. In fact they usually view woman on the same level as children or less.

I used to work with two and they both irked me. And most of the women in the company also. One of the dudes actually held his son in higher regards than his wife.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:19 pm

Dreams – LOL!!!

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:19 pm

My grandmother is a devout christian, and my grandfather was never religious at all. He believed in God, but not religion. They were married 50+ years until my grandfather passed. They both would tell you in a heartbeat that they were soul mates and were meant for each other.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:19 pm

But that could just be my opinion from working with two arsewipes that served under the Muslim faith.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:19 pm

kimmie, you are being a great friend by being supportive and let her choose her own course because those may not be deal breakers for her as we all have a different value system.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:20 pm

Dreams, given my past any woman would have been crazy to marry me and told my wife as such(the post@4:11 is me). But Look at us now!

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:20 pm

@kimmie

Ok, BillieJean Bad azz. Go ahead. be careful is all I’m gonna say.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:21 pm

LOL and Christians are not the prime examples of religious people. LOL

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:21 pm

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:21 pm

kimmie has your girl ever slapped dude? Tell the truth… lol

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:22 pm

Middle Eastern Muslims are the prime example of religious. Christians are spiritual :)

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:23 pm

Black or AA Muslims are prime examples of hate and belittlement (is that a word). They ain’t gonna become sacrificial lambs for their cause. They just blame folks and won’t eat pork.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:23 pm

Purple – To your 4:15 – I get your point and I would agree, except my friend’s hubby is “devout” when it’s convenient! Like when he doesn’t want her to go out with her girlfriends or drink alcohol. Then that’s when we get “holier than thou”!

And this is typical of most unequally yoked relationships I know of. Dude is like “it’s no big deal” before the wedding. Then it’s used as a form of control.

So not for me!

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:23 pm

He believed in God, but not religion

DreamsMat, that’s different than having being devout under two separate conflicting faiths. Most of our actions are fueled by our faith. When you have no faiths to conflict it easier than The One True God and Elijah Mohammad or Buddha butting heads at the dinner table over raising children, spending money, etc.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:24 pm

LMBO Celisea. You are right in both of those statements.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:25 pm

kimmie, while you can’t tell her what to do you can try to help her see why that’s just not a good road to venture onto.

For Real

February 8th, 2011
4:26 pm

Blackfoote at the door re-inactment……..

BF: (thinking to himself when he pulled up) Imma get some tonight! (Runs up to the door in his finest Freddie Jackson jacket and rings the doorbell)

Dudethatjustgotoutofjail: Sssssssay mmmmmmmmmman imma, imma, imma, back now tic,tic,tic imma, imma, imma, ssssssso,ssssssssor, pleease forgive me fo wawawawawawawa, wastin yo time. Ssssssssssss, see back totototototo, ish! wewewe back totototototogetgetgetget ish! Im hittin it again fo the chillismses sake.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:26 pm

Raqi – When I was about 19, there was a cutie whose mom owned the beauty supply store across from the hair salon and he asked me out a couple of times. After I found out he was Muslim, I was like ut uh. He was about my age but had already been brainwashed with their beliefs.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:28 pm

when it’s convenient

Yep. Folks like that when it comes to what they are supposed to be contributing to the relationship or not doing they throw religion, the bible, the torah and the qu’ran out the window. It’s called selective amnesia.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:29 pm

Fion – Hey, I’m just the friend who lends an ear. I don’t have nothing to be careful about in my own situation! My fiance’ is all that and a big ole bag of chips! No worries here. Both of my parents have passed on, but my grandmother, aunts and uncles have all given their blessing. We are good!

Dreams – If she has, she hasn’t told me!LOL!! That doesn’t seem to be in her nature, but you never know folks behind closed doors!! Oh, and your grandparents sound exactly like mine! My grandmother is very devout but grandfather not so much. But married over 60 years til he passed.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:30 pm

Celisea, every one is entitled to their faiths and beliefs but there when dating there were some areas I dared not venture. Muslim men was one of them. Military and Ball players were the next. LOL

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:31 pm

They just blame folks and won’t eat pork.
Celisea hahaha that’s funny. Most black muslims don’t practice a form of orthodox Islam though. They’re usually NOI, which is more of a nationalist organization than an Islamic one. You ever see that movie “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka” with the black radical muslim dude that had the white wife? That’s what your post reminded me of. Bean pie my sista? lol

DreamsMat, that’s different than having being devout under two separate conflicting faiths
Raqi I feel you, although I would say most faiths aren’t really conflicting in principle. I feel what you’re saying though.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:31 pm

@PR ~ we knew the 4:11 was you.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:32 pm

Raqi – I agree. I can just about date most. Matter fact I’d rather date a nonchurch goer than a religious fanatic. I don’t do extremes though. Muslims are one, atheists another. Nonreligious, yeah I’d agree to ballplayers. I dated military but that was before they got in there good and got tainted :)

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:33 pm

If she has, she hasn’t told me
kimmie yeah she smacked him. lol next time she calls you, ask her if she’s had to lay hands on him before. haha

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:34 pm

Dreams – You ever see that movie “I’m Gonna Get You Sucka” with the black radical muslim dude that had the white wife?

Yep, lol…that was funny. My second hair stylist (for about 10 years) was located on MLK and there was like a center or something on the side block and I’d see duded coming and going with their newspapers and bean pies…in traffic selling pies. Oh and the bow ties…lol

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:35 pm

Christians are committing just about every crime you see on the news. LOL

For Real

February 8th, 2011
4:35 pm

Kimmie: Your is over there beating the ish out of that man and she wants you to stop her because she can’t help herselves. Bet she at Home Depot right now buying a telephone book on a stick.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:35 pm

PR – Christians that commit crimes aren’t Christians :)

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:36 pm

I dated military but that was before they got in there good and got tainted

Celisea – Same here. But they were still crazy. Had to let that go too. And the ballplayers were cool to have as friends. They could get us in the best parties & clubs and get us tickets. But I let the groupies have them garden tools!

Simple Man!!!

February 8th, 2011
4:36 pm

“They ain’t gonna become sacrificial lambs for their cause. They just blame folks and won’t eat pork.”

Too Funny!!! LOL

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:37 pm

We’ve had the same dude selling bean pies over at the corner of Greenbriar and Headland Drive all five years that I’ve lived in that area.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:37 pm

Bet she at Home Depot right now buying a telephone book on a stick.

4Real/Dreams – You 2 are in rare form today! :lol:

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:37 pm

Oh…and he has added fresh fruit to his product selection.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:37 pm

I bet that woman who tried to mail a puppy was a Christian. LOL

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:38 pm

@Blackfoote ~ I need to ask you this question. Why did you stand there listening to the dude of the woman you thought you might “hit” that night for 40 mins. Why didn’t you nip that at the bud with the quickness???

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:39 pm

Kimmie – My only experience was my hs boyfriend that went into the military right after hs. We dated what about a year after he left.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:39 pm

Hey there Simple Man

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:40 pm

Leggs, I was wondering that but I am glad you asked. I did not want to break Man Law by asking. LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:41 pm

We loved military women at the Air Force base. They were always ready for a good time.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:41 pm

SexyC – We’ve had the same dude selling bean pies over at the corner of Greenbriar and Headland Drive all five years that I’ve lived in that area.

Devout to say the least.

PR – You ain’t right….LOL I saw the puppy story on the news. She mailed a puppy in a box, no ventilation and a bottle of water. Umm you reckon he knew how to use his paws to pick up the water bottle…lol Too, she asked for the dog back.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:42 pm

Is Eddie Long a christian?

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:42 pm

@PR ~ :lol: :lol: I understand.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:42 pm

Celisea – I dated one for about 2 years that was at the Air Force Academy. He was my “first”. Years down the road I dated an Air Force recruiter that a friend set me up with, for about 2 years.

Both were straight crazy, but I was crazy in love. Lessons learned!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:43 pm

Celisea, that is cheap on a whole new level. Mailing a dog?

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:43 pm

We loved military women at the Air Force base. They were always ready for a good time.

My other reason for moving on from hs love. I had enough sense to know the chick a few barraks away was a much better option than the chick he left behind some 300 or 400 miles…

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:43 pm

@Blackfoote ~ did he have a shank in his hand???

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:44 pm

Leggs, LOL thank you!

Simple Man!!!

February 8th, 2011
4:46 pm

So let me get this strait….Blackfoote stood on “the yard” and talked to “Jangle-Leg” for 40 while the date peeked thru the curtains wating for something to jump off???

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:46 pm

Kimmie – but I was crazy in love. Lessons learned!

Thank goodness we can wake from dreaming. That was the only one but it seems like that was the thing to do when I first got out of hs. Yeah, I’ve heard about the crazies. I have a friend that married her boyfriend and went to Germany with his crazy behind. He beat the crap out of her. Her mama had to go over and get her…she was 93 pounds by then. She said she would come home and see wine glasses and stuff. Oh she’s told me horror stories.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:48 pm

And the bean-pie/fruit selling dude wears the whole suit…even on the hottest summer day.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:48 pm

“Oh she’s told me horror stories.” My E.O.D fits right in with this!

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:48 pm

Simple Man – You pegged. Okay Blackfoote, I know us women have blogged some crazy stories of the past but you are representing the men with this story. Most times the men are silent. Rarely do we get a good “I coulda had a V8″ moment blogged from the dudes. I think we should designate a day of crazy stories from the men. For every scorned or crazy chick, there’s a man on the other end with a story to tell…lol

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:49 pm

I had a slice of a bean pie once. Was pleasantly surprised that it was so good.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:50 pm

I really want to know why he was out there for 40 minutes. LOL

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:50 pm

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:50 pm

What kind of beans are in a bean pie? I like vanilla bean ice cream, but that’s different.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:51 pm

I’ll holla at you all tomorrow!

Be easy!!

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:53 pm

And the bean-pie/fruit selling dude wears the whole suit…even on the hottest summer day.

Vest and all…and they NEVER break a sweat…lol Some nice looking brothers too. Assalamualaikum

PR – That story was sad but I laughed at your post. Some folks are a few fries short of a happy meal. Yes, she asked for the dog back. They showed the box on the news…wrapped in b’day paper…are you kidding me. A simpleton could have popped holes in the box. But who’s gonna mail a dog?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:53 pm

kimmie hurry up and get married so we can cheat :)

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:53 pm

Bean pie tastes like sweet potatoe pie (IMO).

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:54 pm

She also asked for her postage back, along with the dog.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:54 pm

PR – I really want to know why he was out there for 40 minutes. LOL

Looking back, he’s probably not sure now. I’m sure in the moment he could have explained….bet he coulda had a V8, after that. LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:55 pm

Celisea, but it IS legal to mail ducklings and chicks? I love this country.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:55 pm

Imma have to try bean pie…I LOVE spp

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:56 pm

PR – Celisea, but it IS legal to mail ducklings and chicks? I love this country.

Maybe she thought it was a duck…:|

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:56 pm

I didn’t find bean pie to my liking.

For Real

February 8th, 2011
4:56 pm

“Why didn’t you nip that at the bud with the quickness???” – Blackfoote I’ll answer that for you. Have any of you ever tried to interrupt a person that studdards?

Simple Man!!!

February 8th, 2011
4:56 pm

Celisea, I fell on the sword once and told a story about calling the campus police and lying on a dude over a girl when I was in college…

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:57 pm

@Celisea ~ I’ve been scared of what bean pie taste like. It is good. Everyone, try it at least once if you haven’t had any.

For Real

February 8th, 2011
4:58 pm

“I didn’t find bean pie to my liking.” – Prehaps you should try it with some black cake.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:58 pm

Simple Man – Yeah I remember that one…that was pretty funny. I think was should make a day of dudes telling their stories. I think most can probably find the humor looking back.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:59 pm

If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.

Remember, everyone’s cross that they’re bearing may be a lot heavier than our own!

Have a great evening!

Good night!

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
4:59 pm

Leggs – Now that I think about it, where can you find bean pies these days? Those dudes ain’t too much hitting the pavement anymore. At least I don’t see too many any more.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:59 pm

There are Muslims around here I have to try some bean pie. Actually there are tons of immigrant communities here with good food.

And here I was thinking that a bean pie was slang for a Mexican Woman’s VaJayJay. LOL

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
5:00 pm

PR – OMG….your 4:59….LOLOLOL

Wise – It’s been long enough, set MMEELLOO free….please :)

For Real

February 8th, 2011
5:01 pm

Simple: That’s still is the busterest move ever.

Now selling copies of Buster Ass Moving by Simple Man for 37 cents and signed copies for 83 cents.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:02 pm

Walks like a duck but barks like a puppy.

Saw a lady walking her dog once I said “Nice Pig” she says “It’s a dog” I said “I was talking to the dog” lol

Simple you called the Police on and lied on a guy over a girl? LOL that’s a little moist.

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
5:04 pm

PR – Walks like a duck but barks like a puppy.

LOLOLOL…you’re a nut. C’mon though man, she probably thought it was a duck. You’re crazy enough to mail a puppy, there’s got to be an explanation even if it’s “crazy.”

For Real

February 8th, 2011
5:05 pm

Who wants to go in on send Wise a free m”e”lo matching bra and panty set along with some fresh cow balls me”e”lo so frequently talks about?

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
5:05 pm

Simple Man – Post your story for PR…not sure he was here then.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:06 pm

A bean pie is a sweet custard pie whose filling consists of mashed beans—usually navy beans—sugar, butter, milk, and spices. Common spices and flavorings include vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. Variations can include cloves, ginger, coconut and more.

I change my mind I don’t want to try it. It may make me stand on the corner selling that newspaper to people waiting at traffic lights

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:07 pm

For Real, I have 7cent for the cause.

Celisea, crazy is more common than common sense. LOL

Simple Man!!!

February 8th, 2011
5:08 pm

Purple…I was young and sprung, and he was rabbit dancing with a girl that told me toa wait she would be right back….And yeah that was a low water point for me and the begining of a life long upswing in my player arch!!!

@ For real, Yeah I was 19 and green, but it beats the hell out of being 40+ and standing outside while “Half Dead” schools me on my date / his wife….

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
5:10 pm

PR – …and common sense ain’t so common anymore

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:14 pm

Simple, LOL “Half dead”

One of my green moments when I was young involved my friends mom. I was in high school and I went to his house and knocked on the door, she opened the door and said he wasn’t home. But she was standing in the door with nothing on at all and watched me watching her. I ran home and spanked my monkey to thoughts of her nude. If I were more experienced and not a virgin I would have bagged her

Celisea, the puppy mailer is from Minnesota. LOL First rule of court Judges do not like doo-rags.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:16 pm

Simple Man, “Quit Snitching” So the guy you called the cops on could be the guy that Blackfoote was talking to for 40 minutes once he was out of jail so in essence Blackfoote might get the cops called on him too because it may be the same girl?

Simple Man!!!

February 8th, 2011
5:19 pm

Purple..they did not get locked up….She was supposed to come back to my room and when she went to his, I called the campus police and told then they were smoking weed in his room…And that was all the way across the country in Arizona!!!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:24 pm

Simple Man, LOL he was in Arizona where were you?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:26 pm

Simple Man, back then you would have won Dave Chappelle’s Player Hater Award for sure. LOL

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:30 pm

@PR ~ you still need to try it…it is good and that’s coming from a very finnicky eater.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:33 pm

Leggs, I will. Not to many people out in this snow selling them though. LOL I keep forgetting that you all are an hour ahead.

Simple Man!!!

February 8th, 2011
5:36 pm

Purple, we were in college…I attended the University of Arizona….

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
5:42 pm

Did you ever meet up with the girl?

Celisea (free Me-Lo)

February 8th, 2011
5:49 pm

We had a good blog day today folks :)