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Their dating mistakes, but do you pay the price?

I think it was Abraham Lincoln that said “I don’t think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday.”  This is especially true when we think about how little we knew about love, sex, and relationships before compared to what we know now! Would you say that you are smarter now?

Of course,  there are relationship lessons that some people refuse to learn. It sort of has this butterfly effect that can actually effect other people. I know I’ve been stuck on stupid before and it probably turned into a train wreck for someone else.

I’m sure that some poor soul has had to pay the price of bad decisions made by somebody else.  A cheating wife or girlfriend has made some guy super paranoid or bitter.  A possessive or jealous man has turned a once free spirited woman into a guarded person that doesn’t let anyone in.

Do you think that your dating mistakes has caused another person to endure challenges?

Do you ever feel as if you are paying the relationship price of somebody else and their mistakes?

Does this ever happen in a good way? Do you reap the benefits of someone’s hard work from your significant other’s previous relationship?

By Wise Diva, Misadventures in Atlanta Dating Blog

309 comments Add your comment

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:25 pm

Leggs, :)

Randy I used to love when those magazine would show up

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:26 pm

Has Wise Diva ever had a boyfriend?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:27 pm

If she ever gets married who takes over the blog?

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:27 pm

Came back and put the divorce filings in his hand

LOL Leggs, one of the best comebacks any woman can give. I love it.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:31 pm

@Raqi V ~ like I said earlier. Once he got that marriage certificate, he slowly changed. But yes, I saw some things and didn’t think it bad because no one is perfect. However, he wasn’t selfish and spiteful until the baby came along. It was only him and I in the beginning. No need for him to be selfish. But I notice quite a bit once the baby arrived. He loved her, but didn’t know how to be a father. He didn’t learn how until our divorce (and I truly, truly mean this).

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:31 pm

Purple if WiseDiva gets married she doesn’t have to leave. She, Tazzee, kimmie and SexyCool (cause they gone be married too) and I can tag team the topics and rename the blog ‘Misadventures in Mating’. LOL

Slim can take the weekends because she is in denial. I give her 3-6 months. LOL

Willie Dynamite

February 8th, 2011
3:32 pm

Afternoon All,

Yall just a lil too deep and whatnot for me today. I almost feel bad for some of the situations some of yall have been through. Glad to see that most of you made out better and stronger because of past hurts. The downside of this is knowing that alot of people are going through these things as we speak and don’t have the neither the strength or intestitude or common sense to get out.

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
3:35 pm

Yep PR. Alfred E. was one of the wisest authors, no question about it.

When I was freshman in college, my closest friend kept reminding me of someone and I could not figure out who. One day over many beers I said, “you remind me of someone and I can’t remember who”. He said, “I know but I’m not telling”. Finally realized he looked exactly like Alfred E with black hair instead of red. How would it be like to go through life being the spitting image of the legendary A.E.N.?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:37 pm

Raqi, good plan. Slim probably already is married and is just ashamed to tell us

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
3:37 pm

Would WD quit dating just because she got married??? According to the ladies on the blog, a lot of men don’t. (JK)

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:39 pm

Randyt, that would be horrible. He looks like John Gruden and Ross Perot’s love child.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:39 pm

tag team the topics and rename the blog ‘Misadventures in Mating’.
Dang Raqi the married folks just gon’ hijack the blog like Tunisia. Could we at least get some married male representation in the new regime? lol You know like PoppaG, WillieD, abc, and soon to be Truth?

Fion

February 8th, 2011
3:39 pm

“The downside of this is knowing that alot of people are going through these things as we speak” a

……..and with all that said. we still want a shot at this thing called LOVE.
I don’t care what you say. It’s the best thing since Air. Hold on, it thinks my turn to spin the wheel!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:40 pm

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 8th, 2011
3:40 pm

Afternoon, peeps. I’m way late & don’t have time to get caught up, but I did just want to give a quick “FREE ME.LO” shout out. C’mon Wise… It’s been long enough. It’s time to heal. :lol:

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
3:40 pm

Leggs/Raqi – It’s hard sometimes to be able to spot a true dealbreaker when you are dating some people. Especially if a lot of time has passed and you’ve developed feelings. Sometimes its years later, after you have broken up, that you are able to recall the handwriting on the wall.

One of my good friends is dating a man now and I get the gut feeling he is not the one. But I don’t want to be nitpicky and come off as a hater. She has had a hard time meeting nice men and this guy in most ways is better to her than any other man has been, including her ex-husband. I will tell you all my concerns on the next post.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:41 pm

Leggs, if you want me to speak to you off blog just say so.

How long did you know him before you two got married? I am asking because this sort of goes the some of the responses to my question. Those that said people do not change. If a man, since we are talking about your ex, does not change the behavior was there from the beginning. For all that say their spouse or mates changed after the fact did they truly change or did you just allow yourself to be blinded. You can’t have it both ways. Either people change or they don’t.

And I do understand about him not learning until after the divorce. My son’s father became a much better father after I showed him he could no longer push my buttons. I didn’t ask him for anything. When he saw I had truly moved on (i.e. got married) then he started to act like a good father should.

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:42 pm

oh and how could I forget…Purp and “m”"e”"l”"o” have to be part of the new regime too. lol

Randyt (aka "tired of this coolie work, need to get on a plane somewhere)

February 8th, 2011
3:44 pm

“Randyt, that would be horrible. He looks like John Gruden and Ross Perot’s love child”.

and with Tubersville’s ears (shush, he might can hear us).

DreamsMaterialize "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:44 pm

swiss did your IT guide to rebelling on the blog not work for “m”"e”"l”"o”? Is Big Brother getting hip to the old tactics? It may be time for the proletariat to revise the stategies.

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
3:44 pm

I get the gut feeling he is not the one

kimmie, my father tried his best to warn about my son’s father. My mom would tell me he was concerned but I chose not to see it. Or even for that matter care about my father’s concern.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:48 pm

“Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!” A.E.N.

Fion

February 8th, 2011
3:49 pm

@ kimmie

Just asking, U got somebody right?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:49 pm

Dreams, if I had a marriage blog it would not work. All the women would be to happy to actually blog. LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:50 pm

kimmie, it’s better to just mind your business sometimes.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:51 pm

@Raqi V ~ I knew him 2.5 years before we married. No doubt the behavior was there in the beginning. It was subtle on how different parts of his personality reared their head. He’s a good person, but a horrible provider. We struggled when it was just the two of us, but when the baby came along I felt more needed to be done financially and he didn’t exactly feel the same way. Things took their toll over the years, and I SNAPPED (w/o going to jail).

i'm swiss™ ("FREE ME.LO")

February 8th, 2011
3:51 pm

Dreams — I doubt there are any new Big Brother tactics. More likely The Forbidden One just didn’t the resources to set up a proxy to get around the IP filter.

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
3:51 pm

YAK:

He wasn’t a big dude and I’m a lot bigger than he is but it seemed like he was being sincere and honest we prob stood there 40 minutes he tellng me how he had changed just released from jail and all…..all I could say was more power bro handle it. But we all know time will tell you everything you need to know.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:52 pm

Swiss, Wise and Me-Lo must be married because what other reasons is she not forgiving him? LOL

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:53 pm

Blackfoote, you listened to him for 40 minutes? You should have went inside and had a seat. LOL

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
3:54 pm

Here are my concerns. I think she is just making a lot of concessions for someone she has not been seeing long (and it’s long-distance).

1. She is a devout Christian and he is Muslim. He said he is “not that devout”. Either you committed to it or you are not in my book.
2. He’s had a vasectomy and says he wants no more kids. He has a 7 & 10 year old. She has a preteen daughter but always wanted another child. He’s not open to reversing his operation.
3. Has horrible baby mama drama. He’s still going thru a custody battle, even though he is divorced. His ex has to have supervised visits due to past abuse. She is taking him back to court to have unsupervised visits.
4. His ex and the woman he dated before my friend were very violent and abusive to him. They both slapped him on occasions.
5. He doesn’t really have respect for the different interests that he & my friend have. She was talking to him the other day about something she & a girlfriend were discussing. She asked him his opinion and he flat-out told her he could care less. He said if isn’t involving her or her child or concerned him, he didn’t want to hear about it. He was nasty about it and said that’s just the way he is. He then said “well I know you’re mad at me, so I’ll talk to you later”.

I just listen to all this. Like I said, she’s grown and it’s not my place to decide for her. But I’m just a little concerned for her.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
3:55 pm

Fion – I am recently engaged.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:56 pm

kimmie, that’s just her side of the story and there are two other sides. Stay out of it and just pray for them both.

Leggs - "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:57 pm

Dang 40 mins…someone was scared!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:57 pm

kimmie, you are engaged and I didn’t get an engagement kiss from you?

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
3:58 pm

When getting out of jail the last thing you want to do is talk to another guy for 40 minutes. “Where’s the bisshhes?”

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
3:59 pm

Kimmie:

You’re right there on it……..”let that ship sail”

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:00 pm

Purple – Oh I am staying out of it as best I can. But she calls me and asks for my opinion. I try to be as honest and as gentle as I can. But my approach to dating has always been different. Like the difference in religion would be too great for me, so I nip that in the bud from jump. No need in wrestling with something like that after I’m caught up.

kimmie

February 8th, 2011
4:01 pm

Purple – Here you go, on your hand – XXXXXX!!!!

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:02 pm

Be engaged and be happy. Stay quite. Don’t volunteer advice or counsel.

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
4:02 pm

LOL…….dude hadn’t prob talked to anyone outside of jail in a while and he wanted my ears bad…..shoot alomst had me convinced he had changed……LOL

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:03 pm

Yeah…all that “stay out of it” is cool and all…which kimmie has said that she will…but er um…if your friends can’t pull your coat to bllsht, who can? And why would you tell me all these details about your relationship if you don’t want my input.

It goes back to a disclaimer we talked about in past months, “Are you telling me this because you need someone to listen or because you need someone’s feedback?”

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:03 pm

She is a devout Christian and he is Muslim.

kimmie, that first line stopped me in my tracks. IMO that right there never works. Our faith fuels most of our actions and beliefs. When you are at two different ends of the spectrum like that you are going in with problems already at hand.

Okay let me continue reading.

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:04 pm

@Sexy
just becasue the phone rings doesn’t mean i have to answer.

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:06 pm

kimmie, she has to learn for herself. It may work out, who knows? LOL

Blackfoote

February 8th, 2011
4:06 pm

Sorry ya’ll I forgot to put in for the M. E. L. O.

SexyCool

February 8th, 2011
4:06 pm

And by that you mean what?

Fion

February 8th, 2011
4:06 pm

@kimmie “But my approach to dating has always been different”

Bingo!

Purple Rain "Free Me-Lo"

February 8th, 2011
4:07 pm

Live your own life or let someone live it for you? Who has seriously listened to a friend when they were determined to do something?

Raqi V

February 8th, 2011
4:08 pm

Dang, kimmie that’s whole thing is just sad. What the heck does that man add to her life? Other than the hope of not being alone?

Some things just isn’t worth it and having a man where they differ that much she will never be happy. It is better to be alone and in an emotional and spiritual heaven than to be with some one just to be with some one that is a living hell.